[longroad9785]

Hey Sarge. First off congrats on your progress so far. You've shown a lot of the qualities that I wish I had so many times while w/d'ing. It warms my heart a bit to read your story and your follow up posts and see the transformation you're making here. Keep it up!

I myself am almost to the point where I can call myself clean, and without these boards I don't think it would have been possible at this point in my life. This was the catalyst for me, and I'm stoked to see you here participating.

Best of luck man. Cheers.

[learning_to_be_free]

Originally Posted by AFSGTSAM

Yep I tried using the over the counter cough syrup and it didnt help much as bad a coedine is for someone in my position it really does help a lot with the cough suppression. I didnt get the same high from the cough syrup I did from the pills then again I was pretty sick with a fever and all so I probably didnt notice. We are all diffrent if your bronchitis does start up who knows if coedine will cause a full relapse is it worth the risk for the relief I guess only you can make that decision.
The strange thing is for most of my life I rarely got a bad cold and they usually lasted for short periods of time. I wonder if the vic abuse affected my immune system, this cold was really bad.
It is 24 days and seems like a life time ago do you feel the same way ??

Keep me posted...

Thanks !!

Yes it feels like forever ago. I am feeling better I get to see my therapist thursday instead of in 2wks that a plus! and I actually got myself to a NA meeting tonight I was so nervous that I got sick on the way. Last week I wussed out and didnt go so this week I forced myself. I didnt talk at all during the meeting but I listen for the most part my mind was racing the whole time .Im going back next week hopefully it will get easier. Its so easy to share with you guys but going out in public, facing people scares me. I have major anxiety problems but I made it through. Im so glad you are doing well. Have a good night and I will talk with you soon

[learning_to_be_free]

Originally Posted by Junkie781

WOW!! There was no way I could go to work with withdrawing, no_freaking_way....!!!

Not much to say right now, I quit taking Oxycontin 4 days ago so I'm just gonna read.

Stay strong. You can do this this time. I wish you all the best

Originally Posted by Junkie781

WOW!! There was no way I could go to work with withdrawing, no_freaking_way....!!!

Not much to say right now, I quit taking Oxycontin 4 days ago so I'm just gonna read.

I quit right before a 3 day weekend so by the time I went back to work I was into day 4. It wasnt easy and to be honest I was not exactly a very productive worker but I just know if I stayed at home with nothing to do I would somehow talk myself into heading back to the VA clinic for a refill of my pills. My job affords me some privacy I am in a cubicle in the corner and I my type of work allows me to be fairly independent, plus I am a government employee so that "slow" week went pretty much unnoticed. I have been reading threads in here for a month and one thing is for sure, one cure does not fit all...I guess a whatever works for you approach is best. The advice and support I got in here was very valuable.
Keep on posting and stay clean.

Originally Posted by learning_to_be_free

Yes it feels like forever ago. I am feeling better I get to see my therapist thursday instead of in 2wks that a plus! and I actually got myself to a NA meeting tonight I was so nervous that I got sick on the way. Last week I wussed out and didnt go so this week I forced myself. I didnt talk at all during the meeting but I listen for the most part my mind was racing the whole time .Im going back next week hopefully it will get easier. Its so easy to share with you guys but going out in public, facing people scares me. I have major anxiety problems but I made it through. Im so glad you are doing well. Have a good night and I will talk with you soon

Yep I can relate my mind is still running a million miles an hour, Robert warned me that the mental stuff is what can catch up to you later into recovery. I must say you have more guts than I do, I still cannot bring myself to go to an NA meeting. Something about being there in person that holds me back. I guess my military background tells me to never show weakness and admitting this drug problem openly and in person makes me appear weak. It took me a long time just to admit to my family I had a problem and even longer just to admit it in here. I guess this is a lifelong process that I will have to totally come to grips with.
Thank you for your support as well....

[learning_to_be_free]

Originally Posted by AFSGTSAM

Yep I can relate my mind is still running a million miles an hour, Robert warned me that the mental stuff is what can catch up to you later into recovery. I must say you have more guts than I do, I still cannot bring myself to go to an NA meeting. Something about being there in person that holds me back. I guess my military background tells me to never show weakness and admitting this drug problem openly and in person makes me appear weak. It took me a long time just to admit to my family I had a problem and even longer just to admit it in here. I guess this is a lifelong process that I will have to totally come to grips with.
Thank you for your support as well....

Admitting your addiction is looked at as being strong especially in NA. I know its very hard to bring yourself to do it and being military seems like it would make it harder but maybe someday you will come around. It gives you a sense of peace to be there with people who arent embarassed or ashamed by you. Thanks for the compliments on having guts I dont hear that often. Im kind of a push over. I did feel stronger when I left the meeting it was one huge hurdle for me and I still cant believe I did it. Congrats on your 25 days its 25 right? That a huge acomplishment in itself. Talk to ya soon Keep Up The Good Work

Wow Day 25 is here and I feel great. My cold is over and I still see the world with clear eyes. There is still a little bit of those mental urges to use again but I feel like I have that well in control. I see a lot of new people popping into here now....This room is very helpful and if my story and thread helps in any way I have accomplished more than I could have hoped.

Keep up the fight for a clean life !

[pbs8218]

Feels good doesn't it?

Originally Posted by pbs8218

Feels good doesn't it?

Congrats on passing your one month too, yep it is great for the first time I think I can make it all the way. How are things going ?

I am past a month now and while most of the physical w/d's seem to be a distant past the mind games continue. It tapered off for a while but the last day or two the mental craving are there. I have been chewing a lot of gum and keeping busy with the holidays to take my mind off of it. According to Robert this battle will take a while to win.
This demon can be beat I wish all of you in here luck with your addictions.
Keep posting !!

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by AFSGTSAM

I am past a month now and while most of the physical w/d's seem to be a distant past the mind games continue. It tapered off for a while but the last day or two the mental craving are there. I have been chewing a lot of gum and keeping busy with the holidays to take my mind off of it. According to Robert this battle will take a while to win.
This demon can be beat I wish all of you in here luck with your addictions.
Keep posting !!

It's also not uncommon to have these sometimes severe mental cravings and even some physical symptoms at about this point, even at 60 or at 90 days. Can even happen at six months. If you are experiencing PAWS problems it can be a real hassle. But the good news is that it does go away eventually even if it's Post Acute Withdrawl Syndrome.

I'm serious that I could barely speak in a complete sentence for three months when I first detoxed. I was a very heavy user, but this isn't always over in a couple weeks. It can take a while. Just don't use no matter what. And this is where those meetings come in handy too. God bless.

[sa1234]

Originally Posted by AFSGTSAM

I am past a month now and while most of the physical w/d's seem to be a distant past the mind games continue. It tapered off for a while but the last day or two the mental craving are there. I have been chewing a lot of gum and keeping busy with the holidays to take my mind off of it. According to Robert this battle will take a while to win.
This demon can be beat I wish all of you in here luck with your addictions.
Keep posting !!

Congratulations, I just finished reading your post and I have a lot of respect for you!(and your wife) My husband has been clean for the same amount of time as you, and his story is so similiar to yours, exept for the fact that he didn't come clean w/ me. I noticed a lot of money was missing In fact, so much I assumed it was a cocaine habit and I suspected something because he was so short tempered w/ me as you were w/ ur wife. As you I thought I had the perfect life w/ a wonderful husband who also has a good job, a new baby and a beautiful house. I guess I,m just concerned that he is still so short tempered w/ me and I don't know how much more I can take. He belongs to this under Luke2 if u want 2 read his story. Please make it up to your wife 4 me because I know the struggle she went thru and thank you for being so strong. Best of luck!!!

[AllDone71]

Hi! I've been reading your post and have to say God Bless for going cold turkey. I am in the process of stopping my addiction, I have an appt tomorrow to go to the doc to talk Subox. I just got a fresh bottle of percs on Monday and have been trying to hold out as long as possible when taking them. Usually by now three days later the bottle would be half gone. I went from 12-15 a day to only 9 yesterday. Today I am up to 6 but will try mind tricks to not go over 9 again. But now with time off from work for the Holidays I'm going to give myself a present to get clean. I won't have to go to the office so I have a few days that I can be home sick.

Just to answer your question, I've been asking around on what I will be able to take for gout pain and back pain once I'm clean. I keep getting suggestions to take Ultram XR, it is an extended release pill so you don't have to take many. They say it works on the pain very well but I never heard of it? I think my dentist tried to give them to me once and they did nothing after a tooth extraction. Just wanted to say Thank for serving this country and I'm very impressed to see you went completly cold turkey in 5 days. Wow, I can't go past 10 hours, If I sleep 8 within two hours of getting up I am starting to sweat and feel edgy.

Keep Posting, these folks on here are amazing with the help they offer.
Rick

Originally Posted by sa1234

Congratulations, I just finished reading your post and I have a lot of respect for you!(and your wife) My husband has been clean for the same amount of time as you, and his story is so similiar to yours, exept for the fact that he didn't come clean w/ me. I noticed a lot of money was missing In fact, so much I assumed it was a cocaine habit and I suspected something because he was so short tempered w/ me as you were w/ ur wife. As you I thought I had the perfect life w/ a wonderful husband who also has a good job, a new baby and a beautiful house. I guess I,m just concerned that he is still so short tempered w/ me and I don't know how much more I can take. He belongs to this under Luke2 if u want 2 read his story. Please make it up to your wife 4 me because I know the struggle she went thru and thank you for being so strong. Best of luck!!!

Thank You so much for the kind words, my wife stuck by me during some tough time in the military...I was deployed to Iraq, Kuwait and many other corners of the world without her many times and she held down the fort for me like a pro. I knew she would be supportive of me it just took a lot of time to finally admit what I was doing, she could tell something was wrong while I was using. To be honest I am a month out and I think I am still a little short tempered but if that is because of the drug or Iraq Service or just cus I am a man who knows. I can tell you this there are still symptoms a month later Robert pointed that out in his post to me yesterday. The problem with my habit was there was no monetary impact to me, my drug pusher of a Doctor at the VA just pretty much refilled my vicodin as often as I wanted and he gave me big bottle of 120 per fill. Personally I am sure he loves you and I am sure he loves his baby he will get through this too just give him the time and understanding he needs. I hope and pray it all goes well with you and please keep in touch with me.

Originally Posted by AllDone71

Hi! I've been reading your post and have to say God Bless for going cold turkey. I am in the process of stopping my addiction, I have an appt tomorrow to go to the doc to talk Subox. I just got a fresh bottle of percs on Monday and have been trying to hold out as long as possible when taking them. Usually by now three days later the bottle would be half gone. I went from 12-15 a day to only 9 yesterday. Today I am up to 6 but will try mind tricks to not go over 9 again. But now with time off from work for the Holidays I'm going to give myself a present to get clean. I won't have to go to the office so I have a few days that I can be home sick.

Just to answer your question, I've been asking around on what I will be able to take for gout pain and back pain once I'm clean. I keep getting suggestions to take Ultram XR, it is an extended release pill so you don't have to take many. They say it works on the pain very well but I never heard of it? I think my dentist tried to give them to me once and they did nothing after a tooth extraction. Just wanted to say Thank for serving this country and I'm very impressed to see you went completly cold turkey in 5 days. Wow, I can't go past 10 hours, If I sleep 8 within two hours of getting up I am starting to sweat and feel edgy.

Keep Posting, these folks on here are amazing with the help they offer.
Rick

Firs of all thank you for the kind words, serving in the military was the privilage of my life, I was honored to serve. THANKS !!
I was in the same boat using 12-15 sometimes more vics a day. I quit cold turkey and it was far from easy. I just hope that whatever track you choose...taper, subs etc it works out successfully, getting off the vic was the best decision I ever made, I was close to letting them ruin my life. I have back problems, serious foot and knee problems and yes even a little gout as well. Are you on gout medication, if not ask your Dr about allepurinol..it is a daily pill and it keeps you from getting gout flare ups and it works !! Also Indocin is a 3rd generation NSAID that seems to work real well for me. I will ask my doc about ultram the next time I see him. I hope and pray that you are successful getting clean is sooooo worth it...please keep me posted as to your progress this room is a great resource use it !

I am now at about 6 weeks clean and a funny thing has been happening, for a couple of days this week it felt like some of my w/d symptoms came back. I am not sure if this is normal or not but these secondary w/d's caught me by surprise. Perhaps it is more psychological than physical. Anyway they were not as intense as the first few weeks and it was only for a day or two but a strange effect anyway.

I wish all of you well on your road to recovery, as someone who is there it is worth the try !!

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by AFSGTSAM

I am now at about 6 weeks clean and a funny thing has been happening, for a couple of days this week it felt like some of my w/d symptoms came back. I am not sure if this is normal or not but these secondary w/d's caught me by surprise. Perhaps it is more psychological than physical. Anyway they were not as intense as the first few weeks and it was only for a day or two but a strange effect anyway.

I wish all of you well on your road to recovery, as someone who is there it is worth the try !!

Scroll back up this thread to 12/16 and read my reply to you on that day. I talk about a liklihood or possibility of recurring symptoms at this exact time in your recovery. It happens all the time. This is when lots of people relapse and blow off their recovery if it gets bad enough. It caused me to relapse years ago when it happened really bad with me. The problems I had with PAWS were incredible. Was almost like going through detox over again. This too shall pass. Just don't use no matter what and you will continue to improve. It's not easy, but simple. God bless.

Thanks for the info Robert. The psychological war still continues even if the physical one is almost won. My mind still wander off to the pills every now and then especially when i get bored. The answer to me is keep busy and just fight it off. In the end I have no regrest about quitting cold turkey for me it was the best thing to do and if my experiences benefit anybody else in here then I am glad I chose this forum to share my problem with.

For all of you starting out now, best wishes and YES it is worth it to beat the drug deamon !

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by AFSGTSAM

Thanks for the info Robert. The psychological war still continues even if the physical one is almost won. My mind still wander off to the pills every now and then especially when i get bored. The answer to me is keep busy and just fight it off. In the end I have no regrest about quitting cold turkey for me it was the best thing to do and if my experiences benefit anybody else in here then I am glad I chose this forum to share my problem with.

For all of you starting out now, best wishes and YES it is worth it to beat the drug deamon !

It's very important when we get clean to make personal changes in our lives besides just stopping the drugs. We need new activities to replace all that time we spent so consumed with locating, scoring, counting, keeping dr appts, and taking the pills. The list of drug-related activities is almost infinite. If you are like most of us those activities took up a huge portion of both your days and nights. Most of us even dream about the drugs too when we sleep. It's like a 24/7 thing that has us consumed.

I know when I initially got clean especially I don't know what I would have done without NA meetings and the time I put into working the 12 steps over and again four times. I spent the better part of the first three years just working on those steps, making meetings, and focusing on my recovery program. Had I not done that I am confident I would have relapsed more than I did and probably wouldn't have made it back alive. My recovery program helped me develop a solid foundation for staying clean which is so much more difficult than getting clean. It gets more difficult when we are trying to STAY clean forever vs just GETTING clean which takes only a matter of days or weeks or whatever.

I don't know what all you've changed in your life since getting clean. Some of us have lives that are more messed up than others obviously, but it's pretty safe to say that most all of us lived lives that were basically dictated by our addiction. Most all of us with substantial amounts of clean time will agree that we need to be involved in personal improvement of some kind whether it's NA, AA, church, family, whatever, or a combination of all the above. I couldn't do it alone at least.

In recovery there is an old cliche ... "I CAN'T, WE CAN". I always tell my sponsees that they should write that at the top of each page as they write out their thoughts while working the 12 steps. It's so difficult to do this alone. Even while staying busy working we tend to drift off thinking about people, places, and things that can take us right back to where we don't need to be. Being part of a group helps me so much, just as it does most people.

That "psychological war" that you refer to is SO REAL. I mean it's battling in our heads for a long time if we don't find things to replace it. I am winning the war today because I did what was necessary in the beginning most important. But I continue to do what is necessary today for me to stay in the proper frame of mind as well. My activities may be a little different today than during the first year clean, but they are still there none the less. As soon as I think that I no longer have to focus on being engaged in the right activities any longer I am pretty much history again at that point. I may as well just go ahead and start using again as my future is bleak without the focus I must have to continue to grow and learn more in my recovery.

Working a good quality recovery program will help you get past the PAWS symptoms. Those symptoms will eventually go away for good and not come back again ever, it just happens so much more quickly if we are working a good recovery program. It's the power of suggestion plain and simple.

I don't make NA meetings as often as I used to go, but I am doing something with church at least four days per week, NA 1-2 times per week. So my activities have changed over the years, but activities for personal growth are still there regardless, probably more intensely now than ever actually. I personally enjoy doing things today that I know are helping me to grow emotionally and spiritually.

Congratulations on the huge success you've experienced so far. You've had a great attitude through all this and have been inspiring to read about and listen to you what you have to share. I respect you for the things you've done in life as well as how you've gotten clean the hard way just doing it cold turkey and getting it over with. But just remember that this deal isn't over yet at all when you get clean. That is really just the beginning of the rest of your life. Life will continue to get better and better as long as we continue to be involved in the right activities with the right attitude. God bless.

Robert thank you so much for the reply, I value your advice and since it seems most people once they get past the worst of the physical w/d's they tend to disappear from here it is nice to see your advice since you are way ahead of where I am now. I agree so much that keeping busy and having some type of support network around me has helped. My family has been so supportive and they "keep an eye on me" all the time. Between my family and talking to all you in here and of course your advice I feel better and better about my chances of beating this thing for good. I now feel like I need to give back to this forum by encouraging others to beat this.
All I want to say is THANK YOU ROBERT and all the others in here that helped support me during the toughest times in my life.

Wow something happened yesterday. I forgot that I had my old perscription for Hydrocodone 5/500s 120 count on auto refill with the Veterans Admin Pharmacy. Well I got a bottle in the mail yesterday afternoon. To say that everything came flooding back in my mind would be an understatment. Yes I was tempted to just pop a few but I DIDNT!! To use this same joke again for the new folks I flushed them down the toilet. By the way if any of you see in the news that a bunch of stoned fish show up in the Sacramento River in CA tomorrow it is because of the 120 pills I flused down the toilet. That was a close call and it just shows you that even though the physical wd's may be gone the psychological battle will be long term.

Much Luck to all with your recovery!!

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by AFSGTSAM

Wow something happened yesterday. I forgot that I had my old perscription for Hydrocodone 5/500s 120 count on auto refill with the Veterans Admin Pharmacy. Well I got a bottle in the mail yesterday afternoon. To say that everything came flooding back in my mind would be an understatment. Yes I was tempted to just pop a few but I DIDNT!! To use this same joke again for the new folks I flushed them down the toilet. By the way if any of you see in the news that a bunch of stoned fish show up in the Sacramento River in CA tomorrow it is because of the 120 pills I flused down the toilet. That was a close call and it just shows you that even though the physical wd's may be gone the psychological battle will be long term.

Much Luck to all with your recovery!!

Proud of you dude! I remember coming home from rehab years ago and the day I got home I received a package with 750 30mg Roxies in it. Thought I was going to have a stroke right there on the spot. I didn't relapse though either. It was so hard not to take a few so I totally understand.

You did good! I have thought before about how many drugs have been flushed down the toilet just by people on this forum. It would undoubtedly stone a bunch of fish. Take care. God bless.

[Lost83]

AFSGTSAM,

That's AWESOME!!!! I follow many threads here but don't post much on others. You have some serious self control and obviously the will to take your life back. What an accomplishment, good for you!!! It's nice to see that it CAN be done. Just make sure you cancel that auto rx so temptation won't show up in your mailbox or on the front porch again!

Originally Posted by Lost83

AFSGTSAM,

That's AWESOME!!!! I follow many threads here but don't post much on others. You have some serious self control and obviously the will to take your life back. What an accomplishment, good for you!!! It's nice to see that it CAN be done. Just make sure you cancel that auto rx so temptation won't show up in your mailbox or on the front porch again!

Yes I am going to stop the refills I have an appointment next week with my VA doctor. Believe me while I consider myself to be a "strong person" this whole thing has taken a lot out of me and my family. It can be tough sometimes but I know I can make it and I wish the same for you as well.

I am still hanging in there and I feel great ! I will be meeting with my VA Doctor at the end of the month to discuss pain management possibilities (no opiates). I hope all is going well with all of you and keep on posting it is good for your mind during w/d's.

[mitchigan]

Hi Sgt.

A suggestion: I'm 50, 24 years ago I fractured 4 vertabrae in my back. With the onset of calcification and arthritus cronic back pain was an issue. Like you, the doctors were all too happy to "dope me up". Finally my GP suggested to stop narcotics and to take 800mg of motrin 3times a day. Seemed a little excessive to me but he explained that in addition to pain relief, motrin is an excellent anti-inflamatory. He instructed me to take them all the time even if I had little discomfort as the anti-inflamatory will help prevent tomorrows pain. Best to get a script for 800mg tabs or OTC will be costly and a hassle. It does seem to be effective at controlling pain and heading off the "bad days". Discuss with your Dr this month. Best of luck to you and hope this helps!

I am ashamed i did this. Last week my feet and knee injuries started acting up again real bad...I was in agony and indocin and motrin did noting to cut thru this pain. I went to the Dr and he ended up giving me Tyleonol 3 with coedine. I understand that this is a lower grade drug than the vicoding I abused for that long year. The thing is it helped with the pain the problem is I almost immediately started taking more than I needed. My tolerance built up quick and unexpected. I took them for about 6 days and then quit after my pain tapered off. I again am experiencing some very minor withdrawls.
I am ashamed that I let the drug get me again and I have to keep off them for good. I guess easier said than done. Anyway I am here and still trucking along clean again.
Thank you for all your support in advance.

The w/d symptoms are getting worse I am coughing, getting mild to moderate muscle spasms and a general uneasiness. I guess this is my punishment for giving into the pain and using vicodins again. It did not take long after using again to get hooked and start upping the dose.
I will get through this and win this battle for good.

Thanks for listening again !

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by AFSGTSAM

The w/d symptoms are getting worse I am coughing, getting mild to moderate muscle spasms and a general uneasiness. I guess this is my punishment for giving into the pain and using vicodins again. It did not take long after using again to get hooked and start upping the dose.
I will get through this and win this battle for good.

Thanks for listening again !

It's really a blessing for you that you got to see how quickly our tolerance builds right back up and we begin acting just like we used to. You were able to see it without it costing you everything. Sometimes a short relapse can be a blessing in disguise. You know what you have to do now.

I remember getting so mad at myself following a relapse as I knew what I was doing to myself when I started taking the pills again but I did it anyway. I got to the point finally where I just didn't believe that I had any more detoxes left in me. It would be so easy to start partying again but I don't think I could go through the agony of detox again. It scares me badly.

Remember that staying clean is a process. For lots of us relapse is part of that process. Doesn't mean it's a smart thing to do but if it makes us realize how powerless we actually are over the pills then it can serve a purpose. God bless.

[melinda7.5]

Hi AFSGTSAM
Hey,,I'm sorry I missed you post...
I did the same thing, I think we all have...
Just like Robert said it's a blessing in disguise...
Pick yourself up...dust yourself off...and just move on...
We know your a strong one you can do it....
Talk to you soon, Melinda