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Trying again, so far no sub appts available in sight
I have called around for several days as my hydro is due and again, I am back where I was, but worse taking about 200mg per day.
My PM doc actually unexpectedly left the practice and is on medical leave in addition to her nurse. I don't know what the hell is going on, but it looks like with the lack of availability and the lack of time to go cold turkey, I'm going to need to figure this out on my own. I thought about subs, but like I said, the docs in town and surrounding only take appts pretty far out. Sigh.
I don't know. Just wanted to get it out.
Hello Super Mom!
Originally Posted by super_mom
What a great name! Welcome to the forum. I wanted to bump your request to the top so others could see it and hopefully offer you some advice or suggestions. You definitely came to the right place. The people here are awesome! My name is Karen and I am happy to meet you!
I used mostly Hydro and Oxy for about 7 years and tried to cold turkey it so many times and failed every time too! The cravings did me in every time. I finally decided to go with the subs and it turned out to be the best decision I could have ever made for myself! I'm NOT suggesting you go that route, only telling what worked for this girl. My cravings ended immediately with my very first dose! I have not wanted to take anything else either! So for me, there was no other way.
Think carefully about it and post here often. Like I said, others will come by and help you with it. I will of course be supporting you along the way. I am now a single mother of a 4-year old son. I take getting my life clean very seriously! You can let NOTHING stop you either. It MUST be your ultimate goal if you are to succeed. Take care and please be patient. It is a holiday and people are living their lives today. But they WILL be here for you! Blessings.
I've read through your previous threads, and you KNOW what people are going to suggest. If I remember correctly, you knew you were addicted when you were only taking like 50-60mg/day? Well, you are QUICKLY going downhill. I implore you to quit. Cold turkey, if you have to. Hydrocodone is destroying you, and you know this to he true.
You need to get real with all your doctors, and ask them to put you on the no opiate list, that way you CAN'T get anything. Once you remove the supply, you'll be truly ready to move ahead. Also, I implore you to attend some NA/AA meetings. You've lost the ability to cope with everyday life, and you need to learn how to function again.
I apologize for being so blunt, but I can only tell you what I believe you SHOULD hear. You are on these forums every few months, looking for help "quitting", and you have more than DOUBLED your daily intake since then. Please tell me you see that you are slipping, FAST!
I wish you the very best. When you are ready, truly ready, to be clean, you will be.
Originally Posted by super_mom
Dear Super Mom,
Hon, you've been on this merry-go-round for a while, and it's all completely up to you to make it stop. The way we stop is simply to stop. It is not essential to have subs - in fact, they weren't even around years ago, when I stopped. It's not essential to taper down first, as tapering is damn near impossible for any of us with this disease of addiction.
What I've read are a lot of difficulties with doctors trying to keep up your supply of drugs. Throw in a dentist and an ER or two, and you're juggling a lot to keep your addiction going. I'm not judging you - I did the exact same things!!! Right now, you're on the fence, with one foot in the 'using' world and one foot in the 'recovery' world - and we can't succeed in recovery until we completely let go of the 'using' lifestyle.
Your disease is progressing, as Bobby mentioned. This is just the facts of addiction; it always progresses. We can NOT regain control of our drug use after we've lost control. We may attempt to control it for a short time, but, inevitably, control is just a fantasy.
As long as you continue to seek the 'quick fix' of a pill, you'll never find the long-term freedom and peace of mind of recovery. We can't have both. You need to look past the momentary 'high' the pill gives you - and see what it's doing to the rest of your life. You need to break past your denial. These pills are affecting every aspect of your life, including the part that wants to be a "super Mom." When we're using drugs, we're not good moms; we can't be fully emotionally available to our children.
When you get serious about stopping, you'll stop finding excuses to continue. Rather, you'll find solutions. If you can't get your hands on subs, then try it cold turkey. There's a Thomas Recipe on this site that gives some suggestions of how to get through it. At most, it's 5-7 days of feeling like you have a bad flu. Opiate detox will not kill you.
There will never be a perfect set of circumstances that makes recovery easy. Drug addiction is about seeking a quick fix from popping a pill - and to hell with the long term ramifications. Recovery is about "short-term pain for long-term gain," a concept that is unfamiliar with us as active addicts. Anything worth having is worth working for.
I pray you'll take a serious look at what you're doing, and emerge from that denial with a stronger sense of urgency toward recovery. Then get yourself to NA, AA or CR, and find out how to live life clean and sober.
You will know the truth - and only the truth can set you free.
You have to remove the prescription. You can't burn a bridge you're still crossing. Good luck.
Quotes that keep me going:
"Do you have another day 1 in you?"
"If not now, when?"
“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”
Clean as of 02.03.2012
You're getting some great advice from some incredibly knowledgable people, Ruth is general. I implore you to REALLY step back and look at this craziness. You're no longer sliding down hill; you're free-falling off the cliff.
Super Mom, I could not agree more with Metal and Ruth... I was Super Addict... All I did was chase the pill, as you have. It WILL NOT END WELL. no more chasing, time to realize what you need to do and that is get involved in a support group. We can guide you through and help you with the initial WD, but the staying clean part is the challenge for you... We are here for you if you WANT it. All my best, Reid
Sm, this may sound like a stupid question but is one I had to answer honestly. Why do you want to get clean? Had to want to get clean more than I wanted to get loaded Dog
Good question.....SM, I suggest you ask yourself that question also. Might be a good idea to write down your answers. And number them. Your up to 200ml. From 60 - 80. Yep, might want to do a little soul searching and ask yourself ..." why do I want to get clean"......you can do it....SD
Originally Posted by surfdog
When I first came to this site, a few years back, I had to answer the same question. I posted about how I wanted to be clean, etc, but my usage just went up. Robert, cheeky, caughtagain, Opee, Henry, and a few others called me on the same thing. Did I want sobriety, or was I just out of pills? Sadly, the answer was the latter for a long time. Eventually, I was able to honestly answer yes, and it became so much easier. You have to want it MORE than you enjoy the high. You have to want it more than anything else. If you're not ready right now, that is fine. It takes awhile. We'll all still be rooting for you.
I hope you don't think that we're being mean for the sake of being mean. Because we're not. Spend some time soul searching. We'll all be here when you are ready.
Sm,sooner or later we have to quit "chasing the dragon" as the Chinese say about opium. After that first high we never can catch him again and he leads us to nothing but self destruction. I didn't quit because I was still having a good time, I was tired of getting my ass kicked, emotionally, mentally and physically. Think about the question and answer honestly, it can't be for anyone but you.
As Bobby said we will be here Dog