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Thalia- all help welcomed. Vicodin addiction
Thalia- all help welcomed. Vicodin addiction
I have two other threads here that explain my situation: "Taper" , and "Robert please help again" (or something like that...) but I wanted to start a new thread as a "journal" that can be found. You people here are my lifeline to sanity, and are "family". I don't want to lose that.
I am in the last stage of a taper from Hydrocodone/Norco (trying to do only 2 10/325 Norco today for 4 days and then cut another 1/2 off. Wish I could just ct it, but I am concerned about being "out of it" for 5+ days. Kinda used up my time for that a month or so ago. My husband just doesn't have ANY tolerance despite his own addiction to smoking; really prefer to fly under the radar if I can.
Soooo, I can really use the helpful support and comments (critical or not). I just want to start a new way of living today in "life" and stop burying my head in the sand with mood-altering anything.
Thanks for any commentary,
Thalia Robert and others know more about tapers than I do. Glad you want to rejoin the living. I had to put my recovery ahead of everything but my God. Had to be selfish enough to do what was needed to recover so I could be selfless and give back to family and others..
You can do this post and post often especially if craving once you tell someone it loses it's power. Hang in there we are with you God Bless Surfdog
Good morning, been reading your posts this morning and just wanted to say I think you are doing great. I know during my last bit of taper I was way too unfocused and unsettled to post. Norco was also my devil, for about six years, at it's worst 2 every 4 hours, sometimes 3 and sometimes every 3 hours before I decided to just taper it back to as prescribed. It was tough, but I was down to half a pill 4 times a day before I found this forum and decided to quit. I think the worst part was the fear, I was really scared. How was I ever going to function normally again without pills???? I am now 2 weeks clean and amazed that I didn't NEED the pills, just wanted them to numb myself. Things still a little (ha ha) rocky emotionally, mentally. Have had some intense cravings. I had my first dream about taking a pill this weekend, dreamed I found one under the bed, then woke up before I decided what to do with it.
I had quite a few backslides during my taper, times I felt I just could not wait six hours, or worse rewarded myself for cutting back so much that I would take an extra. At the end when I would start to feel like I needed to take one early I would make myself wait 15 minutes, and tell myself if it was still that bad then I would take one. It usually wasn't.
You are doing GREAT!
Thanks so much for the replies; I really want to be part of the sober living people again. Don't much like all the pressure of "life" that has been raining down the last few months, but I also know that sticking your head in the sand of pills etc. does not help.
I appreciate people hanging in there with me!
Originally Posted by thalia45
Being down to two 10/325 Norcos daily is being almost clean! You continue cutting off half a pills every couple days and you'll be done in a matter of days. I honestly don't think I would even feel it if I took two Norcos! That is such a mild pain medication compared to what so many of us have used for years. Just stick it out and you'll be clean in a little over a week.
I would personally cold turkey at this point but if the taper is working and you're taking such a small amount then finish the taper off. You're almost done anyway! God bless.
I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.
Thanks so much for the reply Robert; I feel like an "old hand" at this but I DO NOT want to do it again! What a waste of productive energy. I cannot empasize enough how much having friends who post each day (Please dear God let me remember this when I am feeling normal again). It is so easy to disappear once you have your "own" problem "under control" (which we know, never is!). But thank you so much for posting! Big help today...
Originally Posted by Robert_325
Last edited by thalia45; 05-29-2012 at 02:54 PM.
I should add I am not liking this very much (my benchmark is that I SHOULD be in some discomfort). If I am not I don't feel I am doing enough. Night is the best time for me: I can take a shower and get on the computer... sleep is expendable for me, I have done so many all-nighters in my work. But those posts in the AM? They are golden! Thanks so much for those who take a few minutes to reply.
...and Robert, you are the "proof in the pudding" as it were. After what you suffered personally, and continue to help others...10 years now? Amazing. You are one of the most extraordinary people I have ever "met". Thanks so much. Such a gift to "us".
Keep plugging! You are going to be there before you know it! We are rooting for you... Reid
Life throws such awful things at us. My best friend in the UK just died... Well, we all do, but that doesn't make it any easier to lose someone that you have so many "alive" memories of.
It just makes each day more precious. May God see fit to help me through tomorrow in his plan.
Thalia - sorry to hear about your friend :-(
Hang in there you are doing great!!!! Good job on the taper!! Remember that what ever life throws at you - you can get through it! Never take any more than your current level of taper and you will have this beat!!!!
YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!! YOU KNOW YOU CAN!!!!!!
Finish your taper and NEVER go back! You will feel so much better and life will be so much clearer.
You can do this!!
Thalia, I hit some bottoms after getting sober that were tougher than I did while out there, or it seemed that way. It is tough and I am so sorry for your loss. I think the difference is we are beginning to feel and pain without the drugs is a new experience . The one thing I found out, and you will too, is there is nothing that can happen that can make us use. And sometimes that would be the easiest thing to do. I don't want to feel this ,so, stoned. Pain is a part of life, but so is joy ,happiness, sadness, serenity, and contentment. We have to learn to feel again. I think all of us quit feeling at some time to avoid emotional pain it is like learning to feel all over. Stay the course you are doing this, got faith in you girl, God Bless you Surfdog
Thalia would God bring you this far and drop you? don't think so! have faith, be still and know, Dog
Thank you all for your replies; they are such a help.
I have a dilemma now though (some of this I posted to Toni S. so sorry for the duplicates). My dilemma is this: I am still hanging in there at 3 10-325 Norcos a day. I did backslide... but I will try to get it to 2-1/2 on Monday. However, I have two weekends of (sailing, sigh- a place where you need your faculties). I think I can get it down to two or maybe one, but I am afraid to quit before these next two weekends are over. When that is done then I think I can quit and it the wd can be handled. I would ct at this point but with two "physical" weekends coming up I am afraid of losing my ability to function. I would cancel but this would be so awful for my husband-he is looking forward to this respite from his own pain.
He has just been through a year of prostate cancer treatment (declared cancer free-we will know for sure if he stays that way for 5 years) but then his 44 year old son died (overeating-400#) and truly the only thing he is looking forward to are these two weekends. I just CAN'T destroy these two bright moments for him. (He knows nothing of the wd, or indeed of the opiate problem at all, even though it started out as a legit prescription for a serious injury of my own, but we know where those things go when we are addicts.
I know I can do the rest of the wd on dry land and with the help of this site, but I just can't ruin these two events for him so I am going to get it back to 2 (I can at least stand up on a sailboat that way). But I do know the last time I "came clean" the physical was the worst of it; I am not given to depression.
So I am going to get back to 2/day on Monday, and stay there until the next Monday. Then I know I can go the rest of the way. I should mention that I am a longtime member of AA, thank God, so I have a support group in place. I am also looking for the Dually-addicted meetings in the area, and going back to church; I need to hang with the herd. Never went the "sub" route, and am not taking anything else (again, thank God I never smoked; that is what killed my Mother).
When are you going sailing ? Dog
that's awesome that you have a support group thalia. i have so much faith in you.
I'm sorry that you and your husband went through what you did, and i admire that you're putting your own needs on hold, for you both to celebrate his recovery. and i'm sure he needs a little getaway after what happened to his son.
just make sure that you stay on track..and then you'll both be able to celebrate your recovery too!
Thalia, wanted to come in and support you....keep posting often because it really does help. It's also good that you are honest about your struggles, that will take you a long way.
Just wanted to touch on tapering for a bit, I hope you don't mind. Tapering does minimize the WD symptoms....and believe me I had tried in many times. The major problem with tapering for me though was always the fact that I was still tied to the pills....and it was just too easy to go back up 1 or 2 here or there to get me through this event, or that weekend. And that just kind of blew my tapers because for true tapering to work, you need to not take more than your current level. Otherwise it just became a process of taking less, then taking more, then taking less, then taking more.
On 5/29 you should have been down to 2 Norco's a day, and where going to stay at that level for 4 days. Had you stuck to that you would have been on Day 3 of that process, and in another 2 days been down to 1 1/2. But when the pills are available and around, there just always seems to be a reason to take 1 more, etc. (at least for me that was true).
Believe me I know that this process isn't easy. I am by no means an expert at all....I'm at 107 days today off of oxycodone....but it took me 4 years to get even this far. I just want you to take a step back and look at the actual tapering process and think if it's working for you? As I said I experienced the same struggles tapering....and I have a friend in real life who is going through the same thing. She was supposed to quit 10 days after I did. Instead she decided she had to taper down because she had so many things to get through and couldn't be incapacitated for them. It's now been over 3 months and I just heard her say again for the countless time that as soon as she gets through THIS weekend, she'll have nothing going on and can start then. You get what I'm trying to say.
Let me say that is awesome that your husband is doing well after his Prostate Cancer. And he certainly deserves to enjoy the weekends that you have set up. Maybe you could make a deal with yourself though that if you go UP even once more, you will CT at that point? Having the pills completely out of your life is the only way to actually be free of them. Even if you taper down to 1/2 pill a day....that 1/2 pill is going to have such importance to you that you will still be tied to them.
Again, I hope you take this all in the spirit it was intended. I think that you are doing a great job and you sound committed to stopping. I'm throwing you all my support, for what it's worth!
Last edited by moon6748; 05-31-2012 at 10:38 AM.
Well, actually Moon, I just finished taking a couple of steps (while I have the fleeting courage) to ask my Dr. to NOT prescribe opiates. That was hard because I had 4 more prescriptions waiting for me, but I remember what those last 8+ days are like: trying to make things last, etc. (You can make your life so dependent on all these "dates").
Originally Posted by moon6748
My Dr. is also my husband's and is so much on "my side" since my prescriptions have to do with legitimate injury, and we all worry about the husband who won't stop smoking ... he believes that by admitting that he is "addicted" to a "legitimate" drug makes it all OK...
Anyway, while I had the strength, I laid it out to my Dr. so I don't have that temptation. Amazing how small those windows of opportunity are when we can put a "lock" as it were, on our sources. (I have never bought off the street and I do not want to go that route.)
"God doing for us that we cannot do for ourselves" Good on you girl proud of you, that is real courage God Bless Surfdog
Originally Posted by thalia45
Hi Dog, Annapolis to the other side of the Chesapeake (i could give you the coordinates, but don't have the info here). For a Wyoming girl this is hard enough without throwing in the "michigas"-someone spell that for me-30+ years in NYC "saying" it but not being able to spell it; of water world--give me a horse any day.
Originally Posted by surfdog
Anyway, besides being the navigator, there is all that running up and down the companionway, + I drive the motorboat tender we take to these events. This sounds like a great life but I would give it up in an instant to Tango (this is the husband's gig) and at 72, I don't want to screw it up for him. Life gets very complicated when you are a veteran of 30+ years in NYC together with a "babe in the woods from a VERY straight life. Ah, having your parents "mate" you might not be such a bad thing.
Anyway, all I want to do here is not ruin the next two weeks for DH. He has had an awful couple of years (he is 72) and does not deserve my extinguishing the only bright light on his horizon.
So, with my own problem in mind, I want to just get through the next two weeks. WD from what I have is not much, but I would rather do it on the prairie from which I come, and make his life a little brighter.
Understood and by gosh mighty unselfish of you!!! Wyoming is my favorite place in the world.What part you hail from gal. We love the area around Cody, Wapati, and Pahaska. Love the south hate the heat! We try to go up about 4 times a year. Spent the winter there 010-011 Loved it. Best fly fishing in the world! Do get cold though -30 and 40mph wind can get your attention.
I'm with you give me a horse and a dog I'm happy. Dear I would the back country with you anytime!!! So put on some Dave Stamey and have a extra large time.
You will do well I have faith in that and you, can tell you have a good heart it will guide you! May the trail rise up to meet you God Bless Surfdog
Last edited by surfdog; 05-31-2012 at 03:20 PM.
Thalia - you are a very special person for putting your husbands dreams and desires above yours - prolonging your battle for his happiness - if he only knew - I understand that too!! Stay at the level your comfortable with and enjoy your adventures :-) even though it's "his gig" it sounds fun and it will be a nice change from thinking about pills and w/d's.
Once these events are behind you I know you will be successful at beating this beast!!!! You are making great progress and taking HUGE steps already!
thalia i think moon gave you some very good advice... whats gonna come up after the sailing, and doing it for someone else, well, not really a good idea.
for what its worth, if you stop taking now, and flush your stash, you will be over the worst and to be honest, going sailing and keeping yourself busy would be the best thing for you. out in the fresh air, no time to feel sorry for yourself.
but yeh, i thought you dismissed moon with a ""actually moon"" and concentrated on the doctor, which is fine. but failed to see the wisdom in the post..
hang in there anyway, and dont procrastinate for too long..
"Actually Moon?" I am sorry but I don't know what you mean.
Originally Posted by cheekysod
[QUOTE=thalia45;364832]Well, actually Moon, I just finished taking a couple of steps (while I have the fleeting courage) to ask my Dr. to NOT prescribe opiates.
THALIA i was referring to you being very defensive to moon, when in fact i think she is telling you what you need to hear... and you know it too
You seriously just gotta do it.
if you don't you won't.
you'll find 'em somewhere.
telling the dr. was good.
but quitting, means flushing the stash.
if you want help we are here, but you have to listen.
hey thalia, I am thinking of you. Hope your doing okay!
Quotes that keep me going:
"Do you have another day 1 in you?"
"If not now, when?"
“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”
Clean as of 02.03.2012
Thalia - I think your plan to taper and level off for the upcoming sailing events is a great idea!!!
Has everyone forgot how you feel the first week or two?! No energy - no motivation - hot and cold - lead arms and legs - etc etc etc.
CT before these events doesn't sound like a good idea to me!!!!
Yeah I hear the "what else is gonna come up after this" but I think Thalia is taking steps in the right direction and has her head on straight.
Get through these events and then tackle the breast right after them!
Hang tough - YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!
Last edited by ddcmod; 06-02-2012 at 11:17 PM.
i feel thalia has to do what she thinks is best for her, whatever that may be. good luck to you sweetie whichever way you choose to go.