Hi all! Could use your help. My husband has been receiving
Suboxone therapy for one month approx. He was using high amounts of opiates for years to mask depression after losing his brother to an OD, his father to a HORRIBLE head on car accident 2 blocks from our house, and his mother to liver failure due to alcoholism....all within about 18 months. I, too, used opiates...roughly 10 - 20 milligrams a day for about a year. I am fortunate that this habit of mine did not spiral out of control as it could have. I was very disciplined about this habit (what a joke!) I never allowed myself to take more and more. I had a set amount and never exceeded it because I was scared. Two to three weeks before he was prescribed the Suboxone, I quit on my own. I have to say that although I felt sick as a dog, I felt very good about accomplishing that and I do not have any cravings.
My husb is doing well with the addition of
Lexapro to deal with grief and life in general.
Here's where the story gets extra tricky: After quitting any opiates, I found that the quality of my work quickly diminished. My husband has told me that I have poor time management skills for years (prior to any opiate use) and that I interrupt people constantly, can't sit still (I leave everyone at the dinner table and I don't even notice), etc. I have always thought this was due to anxiety and I have been prescribed
Prozac in my teens,
Effexor in my twenties, and Lexapro in my thirties.
I work from home now and for very long periods (8+ hours a day) I have to sit and listen to audio files to transcribe them...every cough, laugh, phone call, etc. It is very difficult and due to my short attention span (maybe?) a very grueling job. I'd stop in the middle, do laundry, check my email.....you get it. I found that the opiates gave me more energy to complete more work. This did not help my focus or attention. After quitting the opiates, I visited a doctor hoping to find a solution to this concentration problem. So, yes....two to three weeks after quitting opiates, I visited a doctor for help. I explained my situation and experience with antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. I took a test for Adult ADD and low and behold, I met the criteria. All the years I spent trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me.....
The doc explained that I should try
Adderall XR at 20 mg/day. It would raise my blood pressure which was low and help me concentrate. HE TOLD ME THAT DUE TO MY HUSBANDS CONDITION (HE WAS STILL EATING AND SNORTING OPIATES AT THIS TIME) I WAS NOT TO TELL HIM ABOUT THIS NEW MEDICATION UNTIL HE WAS WELL INTO RECOVERY. Sorry about the caps, but it's super important to understand the intensity that this man spoke to me. He said if my husband found the pills or was told about them, he would eat them and the he could DIE and never, ever get clean.
I had already watched my husband drool, pass out, burn himself with cigarettes by dropping them all over the place.... Did I mention that his whole family was dead? It made sense that I should not speak of this Adderall until later. I must admit, it did feel strange to bring something home and have to hide it. But I simply wanted him to get better and he did this of his own accord, seeking treatment. I suppose I enabled and contributed to his illness. But I just had to hang in there because as I was told many times, I was all he had left. His mood swings were unbearable, but I just stuck to my guns and supported. Maybe the opiates helped me dial out and cope. I just stayed numb-ish.
Our money situation was in dire need of a pickup. He pawned very special things from his dead parents in order to pay bills, which amounts to pawning things to buy drugs. I truly thought this new medication would address my inability to be productive and that my husband would rest easy in recovery while I brought home more money to help get his stuff out of hock. I told him about every productive day and how much I made to save us from this financial rut. I admit, I was pretty encouraged by the Adderall results.
The Adderall did help me. I am well aware of it's addictive properties and took the Adderall 15 days out of 30 last month.
Well, long story short (too late) I told him about the Adderall yesterday (feeling assured that he would be relieved that I addressed the issues he has discussed with me about my attention problems) and he was furious. He said he didn't care about the meds but the fact that I did not tell him. I explained every which way I could why I did not say something sooner but he just kept calling me a liar. I told him about it because I thought it was necessary to be honest at this point and because he was feeling so much better. He told me that he has no desire to use that medication but that I am just a huge jerk. I was really trying to help our family by taking care of the issues in my brain and bringing home the money we needed to get his possessions back.
I feel i have used this med responsibly thus far. I do not overdrink (or drink much at all) or take any other meds. There is
xanax in this house and I do not eat it, although it has been prescribed to me for years on and off. I feel that I am a responsible person, but my husband is saying that I'm an addict.
I don't know what to do about this. I don't want to fool myself or anyone else. Did I screw up because:
a. I didn't tell him
b. I ate a medication that can be addictive
c. I did tell him
d. All of the above
Please keep in mind that I was addressing my own problems without involving him. He claims that I can be needy on occasion so I really thought I was doing us a favor by getting better at my job and being productive (the longer I sit without distraction, the more pages I type, the more money we make).
He seems hurt because in his mind I lied (didn't tell him), but could it really be that he is somehow jealous? The Adderall isn't any "fun" for me. I just work on it and do not use it on weekends or when I finish my work. I feel bad that he is hurt, but I don't feel bad because I helped myself.
Okay, go ahead. Let me have the straight scoop as you see it.
Sarah
Suboxone, Addiction, and Replacement - HELP 
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