[skins_alive]

Sittin almost alone in this house, (four cats and two dogs) with all my joints full of hot-black energy. I don't understand how posters can put together sentences and paragraphs. All I can do is read the posts and knuckle.

[mottam]

Originally Posted by skins_alive

Sittin almost alone in this house, (four cats and two dogs) with all my joints full of hot-black energy. I don't understand how posters can put together sentences and paragraphs. All I can do is read the posts and knuckle.

skins:
Welcome. It seems, from this post, that you are going c/t?
What is your story, so we can relate and maybe help you get through this stuff?
Many on here have gone c/t from opiates; I have.
What were you taking, how much, how long? There is a LOT of good advice on here - just need some baseline data.

Post back and let us know where you are at. Keep it all on this thread - so it will be easier to track and respond (just some advice).

Hang tough and stay strong. You are winning every hour you do not use - even though you feel horrible right now.

Talk to you soon.

Kindest Regards
mottam

[mottam]

skins:
I saw on another post you are day 2 into a c/t detox from percs (oxycodone).
How much and how long were you using? That will help us to help you.
Also, are you in a lot of pain (that can be a trigger to relapse)?

Day 2 - that is great! Be very proud of yourself. Right now, do not worry how you got here - you can address that once you get through this physical stuff. Depression and anxiety will be MAJOR incentives for you to use again - do not give in. I am not a doctor - so if you are really feeling like something is "wrong" seek one ASAP!

OK, now let's discuss detox and what to expect. Everyone's detox is unique. But we share many similar things. Runny nose, sneezing, anxiety and shakes, diarrhea, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, RLS, confusion, mood swings, etc. Even dental work you had 10 years ago will begin to hurt again. Yes - it is a mess, but you can do this - many of us have.

Your best friends right now:
Imodium, Advil, a good multivitamin, OTC sleep medication.
Do you have a trusted doc? If you can confide in a doctor, he/she can make this a little easier. 3 to 5 days of a low dose valium and some sleep meds would help you get over the hump. If anything, he/she can just ensure that you are medically stable to detox. Just my advice – you never want to make a bad situation worse.

Anyway, the goal here is to get to day 6/7. Some detoxes take shorter and some longer. Most people that I have spoken to (and from my experience) begin to feel "better" by the end of day 7. None of this is written in stone, though.

Most important (besides seeking medical help to ensure stability) cut off ALL contacts/supplies. If these prescriptions are from a doc, maybe want to talk to him/her? If they are from a "friend" you need to cut that friend loose.

Post and let us know how you are doing and how we can help.

Kindest Regards
mottam

[skins_alive]

I 'm asking for some camaraderie while I go share this experience.
I had a neck injury 10 years ago when rear-ended. I had been taking 10 to 15 mg oxycodone or percocet off and on since then as needed.

Last May I acquired a cronic knee injury as well and the prescription went up to 20mg/day and then 25mg per day. I am in construction so when I am working in the field, those are the 5 (25mg) days, and when not I usually would back off to 2 or 3 pills a day.

I have been blessed with medical treatment for both the neck and knee injuries. Steroid shots in the spine help with the neck and some kind of lubricant shots help the knee. The pain levels from both injuries are now managable but stopping the percocet is not. I kept trying to taper off and just ended up back at 5/day again. Two weeks ago I wasn't getting relief from feeling bad so I started taking 2 at a time.

When I got to 7/day I knew where this was headed and knew that I had to just STOP.

I am just past 48 hours since I last took 2 together and have not had much sleep. RLS expanded to all over my body. I got up couse the dogs were trying to eat the Fedex man. He brought my next 150 pills. While at the door I realized that my vision was - tunneling'. Checked my blood pressure 169/103 with a pulse@97bpm. Oops - i need to take my regular meds.

Fed

[mottam]

OK - you definitely have our camaraderie.
Your BP is high - that is a part of w/d. Do you have a b/p issue also? That is one of the things you definitely do not want to play with. Your post makes me nervous as a reader. With your b/p that high and having some vision issues - do you think you may need a doc? That was the one thing I did before I got clean.

I, like you, have some pretty heavy neck injuries. I have several C-Spine fusions, and a titanium plate with 2 screws from C3 to C5. I can relate to your plight.

Also, like you, I leaned heavily on oxycodone for relief. Eventually, that just got old. So, I decided to get off of the stuff.

FF to today. I am opiate free, and have minimal/tolerable pain. It takes a commitment and a strong will to beat this. Me - I was just sick and tired of taking the pills to function.

Not sure what you meant by your next 150 pills. Are those oxys? None of us are hear to judge you. But if you have oxys in hand - that is a relapse in the making.

What ever decision/path you take - many on here will support you. Just remember when this is over, life rocks again - that is a fact. I never thought I could have enjoyed life like I do now. Get clean and you will see, again, how great life can be without the opiate haze.

We are here for you - stay strong - stay clean!

mottam

[skins_alive]

I have BP issues and I have meds to address them. I just had not got to them this morning and now it is this afternoon. My BP is already down to 138/91, not great but not an emergency.

The 150 pills were 5mg percocet. They come via Fedex and were ordered before I decided to stop. I am not a great addict ~ I still have half a bottle left from last month's perscription. That makes ~225 in the house right now. I didn't go cold turkey because I decided to quit forever. After reading through some of these posts and the fact that I decided to go C/T might mean that I have more then a physical dependence.

[just_a_mom]

Originally Posted by skins_alive

I have BP issues and I have meds to address them. I just had not got to them this morning and now it is this afternoon. My BP is already down to 138/91, not great but not an emergency.

The 150 pills were 5mg percocet. They come via Fedex and were ordered before I decided to stop. I am not a great addict ~ I still have half a bottle left from last month's perscription. That makes ~225 in the house right now. I didn't go cold turkey because I decided to quit forever. After reading through some of these posts and the fact that I decided to go C/T might mean that I have more then a physical dependence.

Skins,

Argh. I have no idea how you can quit with all those pills in the house - I am a no-willpower kind of addict! You are a stronger person than me! Dude. From my perspective, cravings are my cross to bear so I am concerned that you remain clean with access to all those pills. Everyone is different, but I am concerned those pills will call to you at a weak moment. You definitely don't want to start over again.

Glad you found Jenny Owens Young. Her "Eff, Was I" continues to be my recent relapse mantra - I now have Heather Nova's "I'm alive" on repeat. Music is what I use to survive the w/ds.

just a mom

[skins_alive]

Thanks Mottam, Mom!

It is hard right now to remember why I want off this stuff because of the RLS all over, the chills or sweats, and whatever this explosion in my head is, but I keep turning the puter off and then I try to sleep and turn the puter back on and then read some posts and somewhere read about 'reservations. I have a reservation. I could not work without the pain management. I have tried and have ended up not being able to work for days. I work 3/4 field and 3/4 office. The field work requires hard physical labor. So I have this reservation and do not want to let go of the pills. I may need them. The medical proceedures that have relieved the pain are not permanent and must be repeated. This is the first time I have gone through the proceedures and I do not yet know for what duration I will get pain relief. That said, these pills scare me. I would normally add some explicit adjectives here for effect but I don't see them in use on these posts.

I know that I am to this place because I am very concerned with what percocets are doing to my life that I cannot see. I am a Construction Contractor in Florida with no work. I can't remember what I need to do to find work and be able to rehire laid off employees.

Gotta stop for a little and take care of some chores and take another hot shower.

[swalker19]

i feel your pain my friend im on day 1 of my c/t because i just cant handle the taper method. I have gone through my fair share of w/d's. Every opiate i could get my hands on i would abuse, then i would want out just for a little while like yourself. And im scared to death of w/d even though i have done it before. If theres one thing to remember is that it will all be better so soon, all the pain of the w/d will just evaporate in a few days and life will go back to you running it and not your pill schedule. But dont touch those pills, i know you have heard it all before but those pills will only hurt you. You will have to go through this experience again if you take them now, so just try as hard as you can to go with it and you have so much support on this site. I will be following right behind you, day 1 for me. Your already ahead of the ball. Keep posting.

[EricaMarie]

Both of you are in my prayers and thoughts. Man I've been there SO MANY times I can't even begin to count. Bottom line: it sucks i know. Seems like no words are too comforting at a time like this so I just wanted to let ya both know I'm praying and thinking of you. You both are courageous as you've already taking the steps to get clean and that is no small task. Just know the pain is temporary and it will go away. Unfortunately time is the only healer. It's gonna all be ok guys just hang in there!!! ERICA

[just_a_mom]

Skins,

Hang in there dude. One more day down (assuming you are in the US) and one more day closer to being clean.

I completely hear you about being worried about pain management and where opiates fit into that picture. I know I have NO willpower with them and they have every power over me. I survived my C-section without abusing my meds (but they didn't give me much!) but soon have to have another surgery which will again involve pain management. Fine line to walk isn't it? The best advice is to be completely open/honest with docs, but that is easier said than done...

Keep posting. Do whatever you have to in the next few hours/days to keep from using. You can make it.

just a mom

PS The reason you don't see any *colorful* language is that it is automatically replaced with ****** by the site. You can't even use the word cr@p! I am not much for cursing, but darn if sometimes I want to curse a blue-streak when talking about my addiction! Frustrating!

[Catrina]

Hi Skins,

Your post on my thread got me to follow you here. You struck me as being a bit forlorn right now. I'm so sorry. Now, I know this is going to be hard to believe because it seems like I can find a commonality with just about anyone, but our family business is construction. We have the Tonka toys and dump trucks, trailer dumps and on and on and on. Unfortunately Skins, I'm not in Florida and we don't have any work either! Just lots of bills and trying to survive the present economy. There. Did that take your mind off your c/t for even one second? That was the intent. Sorry for not being able to dig a little deeper to keep you occupied for maybe like ummmm 6 or 7 days but it's getting late for me and after a string of sleepless nights, I got nothing.

Hang tight, my new friend. We'll keep in touch. Use this forum. Read. Post. Read. Invaluable help!

Peace,

Cat

[skins_alive]

I'm gonna try to finish that second paragraph from the prior post!

I know that I am to this place because I am very concerned with what percocets are doing to my life that I cannot see. I am a Construction Contractor in Florida with no work. I can't remember what I need to do to find work and be able to rehire laid off employees. I know that the man I used to be prior to a secondary damage in Sept 2008 to a lingering neck injury from 2001. Pain started shooting down my left arm and my hand went numb. The 5mg percocets went from 0-2/day to 3-4/day - every day. I know that isn't much for some of the posters here but it seems to be the start of something changing in my life. I had started a construction business, a life long dream. I mean a legal above board financed General Contractor Licensed to build anything. And now I don't care. Something very basic in my personality seems to be different and I can only see the difference by looking back and trying to see who I was before!

Mottam suggested some background and as I read other posts, the only way I could identify and therefore help myself or help them was to open this up. Thanks Mottam.
Catrina said I seem forlorn in my posts. I don't have any experience posting and maybe that is how I feel. Just sitting at home with no work and going through w/d by myself.

No body like me, every body hates me so im, going to the garden and eat worms
big fat juicy ones, itsy bitsy teeny ones, gee how it tickles when they squirm
Cut the heads off, suck the juice out, through the skins away
I don't see how, birds can live on, worms three times a day

Yea! I guess i'm pretty forlorn right now. But I know that is not me - just the me sitting in a house by myself going through withdrawals by myself except for the people on this site. I am seeing how to share here. What is important to share and the openness that is crucial. I can't expect truthful understanding unless I try to give a true as pollible and accurate picture of how I got here, what seems to be bothering me, and what I am going through to try to find some sobriety and some answers.

Catrina - thanks for the juice I needed to get some stuff out!

[no_more_tram]

I can definitely relate with you. I have DDD, and suffer from moderate pain everyday. I injured my back at my previous job over 3 years ago, and of course started on pain meds. That eventually became a horror story. But I am managing as best as I can, and that is all YOU can do, is your BEST.

You do seem very strong and determined, and with all those pills hanging around, I couldn't do it!! But that is the difference between you an I

Hope your feeling ok physically. How are your W/D's at the moment?? Glad you have decided to post, you will recieve tons of support here.

[skins_alive]

Originally Posted by no_more_tram

You do seem very strong and determined, and with all those pills hanging around, I couldn't do it!! But that is the difference between you an I

If I seem to be tempting the devil by having pills available I will find out soon. They might be more of a problem to me than alcohol or cigarettes. Then, after I realize that I have to go through W/d again; I have plenty of a friend that will hold the pills away from my immediate access and I will need to explain why I need some back before they will release them.

I just posted this on 'hurtmyspirit's thread.

I was blessed with a girlfriend once that explained how she dealt with her carvings for a drink when she decided to quit. She felt that she was not responsible for the things her brain thought but she was responsible for the thoughts she petted.

I have found that this is a useful tool in my life. I have used this when I quit drinking ( while working at a bar), smoking (while attending AA meetings where it was allowed), and now that I am 2 days off percocets - I am using the same concept. I let the cravings go and do not pet them. As soon as I recognize that I am starting to pet a using thought I have in place a set of things that I do to send my mind somewhere else. I breath deep, let the thought out with the breath, have another thought about something I gain from my sobriety ready to set in place.

I am reluctant to send out this 'tool' because it may not be best for asome personalities. I just know it has worked for me, usually when the pain and desperation of using or withdrawing has been at a maximum. I have some sobriety through AA and some relapses. The relapses have always come when my guard was down. I am vigilant right now and have the replacement thoughts ready.

I don't feel sure of this, I just know that I don't want those pills in my life, IF POSSIBLE.

OK! this rambling has got to stop. I should not be sounding like I know something now. I am just past 48 hours with little sleep. Forgive me if this goes over some lines.

[doc.rose]

Hi Skins! Just read all of your posts. Ramble on all you want. And I think as each day passes you will start to gain a little wisdom that you can pass on to others. Everyone on this forum supports one another, so I think you do have something to offer the people here.

I think you are doing a great job! Tomorrow will make it three days clean. I hope the day goes smoothly for you. Mottom gave you good advice about what helps for the symptoms, so use it. Take care!

[skins_alive]

Thanks Doc.
I have given up on sleep tonight. I feel that I can - then lay down - then start stretching every muscle on every limb and the hands seem to have 10 gazillion nerve endings inside somewhere just out of rubbing reach. I have my honey in the bed so I am now in the living room reading books and seeing if someone is awake here.

[cheekysod]

Originally Posted by skins_alive

If I seem to be tempting the devil by having pills available I will find out soon. They might be more of a problem to me than alcohol or cigarettes. Then, after I realize that I have to go through W/d again; I have plenty of a friend that will hold the pills away from my immediate access and I will need to explain why I need some back before they will release them.

I just posted this on 'hurtmyspirit's thread.

I was blessed with a girlfriend once that explained how she dealt with her carvings for a drink when she decided to quit. She felt that she was not responsible for the things her brain thought but she was responsible for the thoughts she petted.

I have found that this is a useful tool in my life. I have used this when I quit drinking ( while working at a bar), smoking (while attending AA meetings where it was allowed), and now that I am 2 days off percocets - I am using the same concept. I let the cravings go and do not pet them. As soon as I recognize that I am starting to pet a using thought I have in place a set of things that I do to send my mind somewhere else. I breath deep, let the thought out with the breath, have another thought about something I gain from my sobriety ready to set in place.

I am reluctant to send out this 'tool' because it may not be best for asome personalities. I just know it has worked for me, usually when the pain and desperation of using or withdrawing has been at a maximum. I have some sobriety through AA and some relapses. The relapses have always come when my guard was down. I am vigilant right now and have the replacement thoughts ready.

I don't feel sure of this, I just know that I don't want those pills in my life, IF POSSIBLE.

OK! this rambling has got to stop. I should not be sounding like I know something now. I am just past 48 hours with little sleep. Forgive me if this goes over some lines.

i like what you say. i am not responsible for the thoughts. i am responsible for the ones i pet.
thats good stuff.
cheers
cheeky

[ARTIST658]

Hey Skins,

Just read through your thread and wanted to chime in with the others to offer you support. You're doing great, even if it doesn't "feel" that way... a minute at a time without a pill and you will succeed. Just like you did with AA and drinking. You know where ONE drink will take you -- the same is true with ONE pill. Same disease, different substance.

Have you thought of returning to AA (or NA), since you had some success there in the past? Personally, I do AA for both alcoholism and addiction -- it has saved my life. Loved the "responsible for the thoughts I pet"!! I've heard it referred to as "not romancing the next pill or drink" - but "petting" is even better! lol

Know that you aren't alone... I'm glad to see you are finding help writing here.

God bless,
Ruth

[cheekysod]

hey skins. i can often relate to temptin the devil, or myself.
its a thing we do i reckon.
see how close we can get without gettin burned. i was at a friends place today, and he was shootin up, he knows im gettin clean, but he didnt worry at all. so i have to be real careful where i go.

love your attitude matey.

cheeky

[Catrina]

Morning Skins,

You ramble on as long and hard as you want to. For sure, it's therapeutic and we all have something to contribute. Just knowing each others' experiences is comforting to me to know that what I am thinking is thought be others and sometimes I can find the words when they can't. Vice versa, same is true when I read others' posts. I find myself nodding my head and saying, "yeah" I know what you mean .... 'that's exactly how it feels'.

So hang tight. You have far more will power than I.

Peace,

Cat

[skins_alive]

Oh what a night! At least I got sleep but it doesn't feel very refreshing. Last I looked at the clock it was 5 am and aware again at 8 am. It is amazing how many nerve endings have awakened since they are no longer numbed. Each nerve ending wants to make sure their 2-cents is put in loud and clear to my brain. It seems as if they have a lot of backed up information to release. Lets see now! Water, vitamin, food, shower. No i think shower first. If my brain can't listen to this cacophony of nerves may chance that I can fool the nerve endings into placation with the shower. Fat Chance!

[cheekysod]

you can do this skins.
yeh im up all night tonight for some silly reason. its 3.43am.
never mind thought for a change id do some out of the ordinary posting at some wierd time. guess its normal for all of you guys.

take care mate
cheeky

[just_a_mom]

Skins,

Just read your post about listening to thoughts but not "petting" them. For a panicked moment I thought you might be my mother (a huge compliment btw - my mother is freakin' amazing). Her guiding principle in life is that you can't dictate what happens to you but you have total control of your RESPONSE to what happens to you. Bottom line: your actions & to some extent your emotions are completely and totally in your wheelhouse - no one forces you to do or feel anything. (When I was a little kid this was boiled down to "you have the same pants to get glad in that you got mad in"). Someone cuts you off in traffic - your option to flip them off and rage or let it go and smile - completely your decision and completely on your shoulders. The other driver's actions affected you but not your response to them.

Life really is all about choice - take the pills or walk away. No matter how complicated and difficult life gets - it is always our choice to use and it is our choice of how to deal with the fallout (emotional, financial, etc.) of using. Free will is a beotch sometimes huh?

just a mom

[cheekysod]

sounds soooo simple doesnt it mom.

have a good day,

cheeky

[just_a_mom]

Originally Posted by cheekysod

sounds soooo simple doesnt it mom.

have a good day,

cheeky

You are SO right - very easy to say...so hard to practice. Of course, I am here on the forum fighting addiction and my mother is galavanting around pretty happy even though the world has thrown some massive poo at her. If I could be 10% of the person she is, I would be so proud of myself.

just a mom

[Catrina]

Skins, Mom, Cheeky--you've given me my food for thought today in preparation for my daily rant which will be posted later. Thanks alot!!!! I'm churning here but I'm sure I'll be able to put together some nonsense.

Keep it up Skins. You have the right attitude when it is very hard to come by!

Peace,

Cat

[mottam]

skins:
Welcome to your next day - congrats.
I know it seems like living hell right now - but you will get through this.
Taking long, hot showers is a huge tool for you to use.
Take the Advil as needed for your pains. Imodium is one of your best friends, also.

Bottom line - you are kicking this disease's butt right now. In a fight you are going to get hit a few times. Fortunately NONE of these are knock-out blows unless you use again. That is the ONLY way you lose.

So, keep up the great work, take many hot showers, try to keep yourself as peaceful as possible and do not use. Just a few more days - and your life is yours again.

Anything we can do to help - just shout.

Great job - keep posting.
mottam

[skins_alive]

Thanks for support all:
I thought I was feeling better today, I am taking advice, hot shower, clean clothes, vitamins, food, break out in sweat, get nausea, lay back down like I got the flu. Right now I would rather get rid of the food than keep it but I don't have enough nausea, just the lingering kind that won't complete its mission.
Scus me while I curl up!

[EricaMarie]

Hang in there, skins! I've been there so many times; have a closet full of "those" t-shirts. lol. Just wanted to tell you I've got you on my mind. I'm praying for you and rooting for you. Hang in there; you will do this!!!