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Scared, at rock bottom & ready to change!!
Scared, at rock bottom & ready to change!!
Can anyone please give me any insight on this??? I'm freaking out!
I've been on a controlled substance for 17 years now. Never have I filled it early, changed script or done anything illegal with it. Back in March I went to my doctor and told him it wasn't working anymore (and it wasn't), and if I needed to be switched to something different. He said this medicine has always worked best for me so he took me from 30mg-70mg of Adderalls.
Well it got the best of me... I wanted it more and more. I changed the quantity of pills on 2 scripts and made up a >>>> script from a different dr.
I've known I wanted to stop but I couldn't stop taking them. That's when I knew I had a problem. And boy, did it hit me fast. 5 months later I'm at rock bottom. Last week I call my doc to get my new script for this month and they tell me that they know what I've done cause they have the DHEC list of all my prescriptions I've had filled. I froze & didn't know what to do. I told them I didn't want the meds anymore and we hung. Now after freaking out over the weekend I want help & I want to come clean with my doctor. He's a great doctor and I feel horrible for doing this. But will he be willing to help me & what's going to happen as far as the law?
I've never been in any trouble & I know it only takes once but in 17 years the past 5 months have only been my addicted months. And I know I've done some things over the past couple of months that would make my doctor suspicious. eg... said I've lost my script, I've washed my script, etc. So did he pull my medication history himself or did DHEC send it to him. I don't take any other types of narcotics. I'm take full responsibility for what i've done and I want him to stop writing this medication for me.
If I go to jail my life is over...I MEAN OVER!!!! What will happen? Any suggestions? I'm calling him tomorrow & telling him everything? I'm ready for this skeleton to get out of my closet. Mainly, I'm ready to have my life back. Please help!!!
I don't know much about aderall since I never liked that drug or used it too much, so I can't advise you on what to expect with withdrawal etc.
I don't know where you live but in my state, altering a prescription or writing your own is a felony and if found guilty, you could serve jail time. I don't know what your dr is planning to do with that information, but before he has anymore time to think it over, I suggest talking to him, explaining what happened and apologizing.
Good luck, let us know how it goes.
I'm sorry about what you're going through, and can empathize, having been in similar shoes with prescription narcotics. I've been clean over 8 years now, and work in the substance abuse field, so maybe I can be of a little help or encouragement. Believe it or not, the desperation that you feel right now may just be the greatest blessing to you in the long run. Us addicts don't easily confront our disease, and use every excuse to continue using; desperation is a gift that we may (or may not) choose to turn our lives around.
Yes, the BEST starting place for where you are right now is to have an open, honest conversation with your doctor, in person, if possible. It will help him to see the truthfulness of your desire to overcome it. Drug addiction is something that most doctors have to deal with all the time, so he should not be shocked by your confession. If you're serious about stopping, tell him everything - the other doctor(s), altered prescriptions - as he probably knows most of it already.
Ask for his help and guidance to get off the adderall. This is a drug that should be stopped gradually. Stopping suddenly can cause extreme fatigue and severe (even suicidal) depression. Withdrawal symptoms can also include panic attacks, crankiness, extreme hunger, and nightmares - as well as tiredness and depression.
If he is willing to wean you down off the drug, you need to follow his plan 100%. If you blow it, he won't help you again - and you'll be compelled to do it "cold turkey." I suggest you find a trusted friend or family member to hold the bottle FOR you, and dispense the pills to you, exactly how the doctor prescribes them. As addicts, we simply can not trust ourselves to control our usage, no matter how badly we wish we could.
As for the legal issues, it could go either way, depending what the doctor decides to do. You may want to ask him directly, "Should I get a lawyer - will you be filing charges against me?" And at least then you'll know what you're dealing with, rather than anxiously waiting on pins and needles for the police to show up at your door. IF you are honestly getting help to overcome the addiction, the courts will look better at this situation, and you may get just probation. BUT, if you continue on this downward spiral with the drug, you can't really expect mercy from the judge.
Oftentimes, it takes a nightmarish situation like this to get our attention as addicts - and help us to turn things around. I really want you to make every effort to remember exactly how you're feeling right now. Even write it down (in vivid detail!) in a journal, as it may be exactly what you need to read about down the road, when you're again tempted to use. The memory of the desperation does lessen over time, unless we make every effort at remembering it - clearly.
This is not the end of the world. Short run, it'll suck - I won't lie. But, in the long run, this is the best possible thing that could happen to a bride-to-be. Best to start out a lifelong marriage without secrets, shame and a drug addiction!