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Scared and lonely
  1. #1
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Default Scared and lonely

    Just an update to all of you who have supported me and offered me great positive advice, it means such a lot to me that people who don't even know me so such concern, it's lovely to know that no matter what I now know I'm not alone anymore and with each day I'm becoming a lot less scared, I am still waiting for a place at detox which is sort of pissing me off that it's taking so long, but I have but told hopefully it will be in the next month, I am suffering with really bad painfully legs and general aching and extreme headaches, I feel that this is because I have been kept on the same ml of methadone for at least 6months, I am having terrible sleepless nights and when I do eventually sleep I'm suffering nightmares and sleep paralysis, which is horrible, it scares me to death, could this been down to my meds?? I am so prepared for detox now, well as prepared as I can be, I'm no longer as scared as I was. I know it ain't gona be no holiday but I'm ready for the battle. I'm determined to show myself and family that I am stronger then any drug, although I know it's going to be a very hard battle to beat. I need to realise I have to become comfortable with my uncomfort!! Once more thanks for all your words of wisdom. Please keep posting to me, as I know you all give me the strength i so greatly need to do this, and you make me feel there is no need for me to feel fear or lonliness xxx
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  2. #2
    Comeback Kid is offline Advanced Member
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    Glad to hear you are making strides in the right direction. Im sorry you are in so much discomfort. I can't say it wont get worse before it gets better (but you know that). I can tell you though, it is worth it in the end. Post here as you progress. We are always here for you, if you need to vent or just chat Take Care girl. You can do this!
    vicky'L and surfdog like this.
    Hi my name is Adam, i'm an addict
    "Do you have another day 1 in you?"
    “If I can't win what sense does it make to fight?”
    Do tomorrow what you did today, you get tomorrow what you got today
    Clean as of 05.30.2014 (4:00pm CST)

  3. #3
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Vicky,

    I haven't posted to you before, but you amaze me that you're hanging in there and determined to get rid of your methadone. It is a scary place we're in when we're about to dump our "best friend" (enemy). I'm rooting for you! Like the Kid said, post, vent, chat, whatever. HANG TOUGH!

    Peace,

    Iloerose
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  4. #4
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Comeback Kid View Post
    Glad to hear you are making strides in the right direction. Im sorry you are in so much discomfort. I can't say it wont get worse before it gets better (but you know that). I can tell you though, it is worth it in the end. Post here as you progress. We are always here for you, if you need to vent or just chat Take Care girl. You can do this!
    They are very good quotes that il make sure I remember. I know I'm in for a rough ride goin thro detox and not havin that little something I've always ad to depend on, but I now realise I don't need drugs to get me thro life. All I keep thinking is no matter what I'm not goin to die, infact when this is all over in will be the first time in years I actually start livin! Thank you for postin. It means a great deal to me. I wish you well on your recovery xx
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  5. #5
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by iloerose View Post
    Vicky,

    I haven't posted to you before, but you amaze me that you're hanging in there and determined to get rid of your methadone. It is a scary place we're in when we're about to dump our "best friend" (enemy). I'm rooting for you! Like the Kid said, post, vent, chat, whatever. HANG TOUGH!

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    Amaze you... That's very sweet, if you saw the state of me some days I don't think amaze would be the word... More like terrified when I've not done my hair and make up I'm tryin to not think to deeply and stay light hearted. I'm ready and willing. It may not be much but it's all I've got, thank you for posting. It gives me strength. I wish you well xx

  6. #6
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Courage is when we stare terror in the face and keep plugging along as best we can. I always found when I was so scared, what I was scared of wasn't half as bad as I expected. The relief afterwards was soooo gratifying. So what about your hair and make-up? Just take care of YOURSELF and do one day, one minute at a time. You know you really want this and you WILL DO IT. Hang tough.

    Peace,

    Iloerose

  7. #7
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    Hey Vicky!

    Listen, I know what it's like to be scared and lonely. I wrote the freakin' book on scared and lonely. You and I are in the same boat. I just have to find a suboxone doctor and then I'll be getting off methadone too. I wish you were here and that we could do it together. I know you're scared--I am too--but think how fortunate you are to be able to go into a detox facility where you'll be monitored and safe. There will be others there, too, and you'll all be rooting for each other. That's awesome, Vicky!

    I'm not very good about making the rounds on this board, but if you need to talk, come find me on my thread. I'm going to be pulling for you, okay?

  8. #8
    NeverAgain9 is offline Junior Member
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    Vicky,

    I was taking Mdone for a while for a very stupid reason, (that's a thread of it's own) but I got off it and got clean. It'll be tough, but just imagine how strong and confident you'll feel after breaking the bonds of one of the most powerful drugs ever created.

    Yes, you will be "normal" again. This was my biggest worry, but it happens.

    Clarity of mind is stronger than any drug. You'll see.
    Comeback Kid likes this.

  9. #9
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by GibberishNonsense View Post
    Hey Vicky!

    Listen, I know what it's like to be scared and lonely. I wrote the freakin' book on scared and lonely. You and I are in the same boat. I just have to find a suboxone doctor and then I'll be getting off methadone too. I wish you were here and that we could do it together. I know you're scared--I am too--but think how fortunate you are to be able to go into a detox facility where you'll be monitored and safe. There will be others there, too, and you'll all be rooting for each other. That's awesome, Vicky!

    I'm not very good about making the rounds on this board, but if you need to talk, come find me on my thread. I'm going to be pulling for you, okay?
    Thank you. I wish I was there too, to help u thro such a rough time, I think often it's easier to give advice then to actually do the advice ur giving, ur self. (if that makes sense) I know that can sometimes be the case with me. I've been waiting quite a wile to go to detox, but it's getting closer. I can imagine the state I'm going to be in the day I'm going, but I just try and think of how il be wen I come home. I know I won't be fully better but I know il be a lot better than I was before I went, coz I'm also on bentos which il b detoxing off il be in there quite a while, if I'm truthful giving up the benson is going to be my hardest challenge, I've always had them for many years, I use them not how I should, any excuse really, someone pissed me off at work so il take two to calm me down, or I'm avian a bad day, next doors cats dog ad to be put down.. Hahaa u no wot I'm saying, they've been my crutch, my security when I'm stressed always blaming something or someone for why I need them. It's always the same, never my fault, just pass the blame, well blame stands for bull????, lies and my excuses! So I need to stop pointing the finger coz there's always three pointing back! I'm so determined. I've never wanted something so bad, I can't wait to post " I'm clean" hopefully u will be sorted soon too. I know I'm not there to help you, I wish I was. It's hard wen people around you don't understand, my dad won't speak about it at all, if I mention it, it's like I've not spoke, were as my mam thinks its like taking milk and I can just stop, she hasn't a clue, she makes the situation a million times worse, telling me I'm anorexic and I'm a selfish ????? etc, it's just not what anyone needs. Sometimes all you want is a cuddle or to scream, well I'm ere if you wanna shout and scream, if you've no one to turn to, just post to me, I may take a while to reply as were on different times, but I promise you I will reply. I wish u all the luck in the world, thank you for taking the time to offer me support xx
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  10. #10
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by vicky'L View Post
    Thank you. I wish I was there too, to help u thro such a rough time, I think often it's easier to give advice then to actually do the advice ur giving, ur self. (if that makes sense) I know that can sometimes be the case with me. I've been waiting quite a wile to go to detox, but it's getting closer. I can imagine the state I'm going to be in the day I'm going, but I just try and think of how il be wen I come home. I know I won't be fully better but I know il be a lot better than I was before I went, coz I'm also on bentos which il b detoxing off il be in there quite a while, if I'm truthful giving up the benson is going to be my hardest challenge, I've always had them for many years, I use them not how I should, any excuse really, someone pissed me off at work so il take two to calm me down, or I'm avian a bad day, next doors cats dog ad to be put down.. Hahaa u no wot I'm saying, they've been my crutch, my security when I'm stressed always blaming something or someone for why I need them. It's always the same, never my fault, just pass the blame, well blame stands for bull????, lies and my excuses! So I need to stop pointing the finger coz there's always three pointing back! I'm so determined. I've never wanted something so bad, I can't wait to post " I'm clean" hopefully u will be sorted soon too. I know I'm not there to help you, I wish I was. It's hard wen people around you don't understand, my dad won't speak about it at all, if I mention it, it's like I've not spoke, were as my mam thinks its like taking milk and I can just stop, she hasn't a clue, she makes the situation a million times worse, telling me I'm anorexic and I'm a selfish ????? etc, it's just not what anyone needs. Sometimes all you want is a cuddle or to scream, well I'm ere if you wanna shout and scream, if you've no one to turn to, just post to me, I may take a while to reply as were on different times, but I promise you I will reply. I wish u all the luck in the world, thank you for taking the time to offer me support xx
    I mean benzos. My iPad changes the words. Stupid thing. X

  11. #11
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by NeverAgain9 View Post
    Vicky,

    I was taking Mdone for a while for a very stupid reason, (that's a thread of it's own) but I got off it and got clean. It'll be tough, but just imagine how strong and confident you'll feel after breaking the bonds of one of the most powerful drugs ever created.

    Yes, you will be "normal" again. This was my biggest worry, but it happens.

    Clarity of mind is stronger than any drug. You'll see.
    Thank you for posting to me, I'm ready and determined, I think it's bad how easily methadone is given out, but it is and I'm addicted so no point cryin about it, just gotta deal with it. I know il be monitored and given meds, so hopefully it's not going to be as bad as I first thought, I googled it and scared myself to death.. Hahaa, that's when I saw this forum, which I'm so gratefully for, people av calmed me down and given great advice. I hope ur on the road to a better place, and who wants to be 'normal' anyways...normals boring. But I'm sure we can be not normal without drugs.. I wish u well. Please keep posting x take care x

  12. #12
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by iloerose View Post
    Courage is when we stare terror in the face and keep plugging along as best we can. I always found when I was so scared, what I was scared of wasn't half as bad as I expected. The relief afterwards was soooo gratifying. So what about your hair and make-up? Just take care of YOURSELF and do one day, one minute at a time. You know you really want this and you WILL DO IT. Hang tough.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    Thank you for posting to me, I'm hanging tough, or at least I'm trying. It's hard, good days and bad, but people av good days and bad regardless of if they av an addiction. I just can't wait to get to detox, although I'm scared, the waiting is worse, I'm fed up of the pain and been a irritable ?????! It's hard when people around you don't understand, because I look 'normal' then they presume I am, when actually I'm far from it. I keep havin terrible nightmares and waking up like someone has thrown a bucket of water over me. It's mingin! Oh what will I find to moan about once I'm clean. ... Hahaa I hope ur ok and everything is working out for you, we'll get there one day take care xxx

  13. #13
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    haha MINGIN!! oh my gosh girl. i haven't heard that word in 10 years since i was in wales!

    you're attitude is amazing..
    just want u to know i'm in your corner..
    and i loved 'BLAME' ..bull, lies, and my excuses!! PERFECT!

    keep moving forward..
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  14. #14
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by toni.s. View Post
    haha MINGIN!! oh my gosh girl. i haven't heard that word in 10 years since i was in wales!

    you're attitude is amazing..
    just want u to know i'm in your corner..
    and i loved 'BLAME' ..bull, lies, and my excuses!! PERFECT!

    keep moving forward..
    Hahaaa well I do feel mingin wen I wake up lookin like someones just tried to flush my head down the toilet.. Hahaaa.. I've learnt there's good news and bad about getting off drugs! The good news is we get our feelings back! The bad news is.....we get our feelings back!! Lol... Hope ur doing well xx
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  15. #15
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    yeh mingin. haha. ive got all my rellies up in scotland and love that word. hee hee.

    not many non brits would get that at all...

    hope ya doin ok vicky. hang in there mate.
    vicky'L and toni.s. like this.

  16. #16
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheekysod View Post
    yeh mingin. haha. ive got all my rellies up in scotland and love that word. hee hee.

    not many non brits would get that at all...

    hope ya doin ok vicky. hang in there mate.
    Awww thank you, I'm hangin as well as I can, I don't know your story but I hope each day is getting better for you, xx

  17. #17
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Vicky you can do this, there is a quote by John Wayne,"courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" you got courage girl! we are here for you and have confidence you can do this Dog

  18. #18
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by surfdog View Post
    Vicky you can do this, there is a quote by John Wayne,"courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" you got courage girl! we are here for you and have confidence you can do this Dog
    Thank you dog, I am 100%ready for the fight of my life. Wots the diff in time there it's early hrs sun morbere 2.10am.. Thanks for posting. Everyone's posts Giv me a better understanding and I'm defo not as scared as I was. Hope ur recovery is goin the way u planned, I av a rank taste in my mouth all time, I've constantly got chewy to try to get the taste away. My bedtime now.. Take care and plz keep I touch xx

  19. #19
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Vicky we are on Eastern Daylight time, guessing about a 1/2 day behind you. Remember this is paradoxial. lose to win, hopeless to gain hope . It is not about fighting but surrendering to that we are defeated by this idsease and cannot defeat it on our own. The Big Book states we ceased to fight anything or anybody. We can put this disease into remission but cannot defeat it.

    My recovery is going well I have my issues but my worst day sober/clean is better than my best day loaded. I have been around for a while. But I only have today, that is all any of us have make the best of each day and you will be surprised how well things start to get Dog
    Got faith you can do this please stay in touch
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  20. #20
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by surfdog View Post
    Vicky we are on Eastern Daylight time, guessing about a 1/2 day behind you. Remember this is paradoxial. lose to win, hopeless to gain hope . It is not about fighting but surrendering to that we are defeated by this idsease and cannot defeat it on our own. The Big Book states we ceased to fight anything or anybody. We can put this disease into remission but cannot defeat it.

    My recovery is going well I have my issues but my worst day sober/clean is better than my best day loaded. I have been around for a while. But I only have today, that is all any of us have make the best of each day and you will be surprised how well things start to get Dog
    Got faith you can do this please stay in touch
    You offer such good advice, that I take on board and try to do as people suggest. It's so weird that I've never met any of you but you all show me such caring and support, it helps a lot more then people realise, people on this forum av shown me more compassion & understanding then life long friends have at all. It's harsh reality wen u feel as tho ur at rock bottom and ur so called friends r no wer to b seen, but hay ho, u lot help me. If I ever do make a sarcy comment to my friends ther answer is always the same, come round and let's get hammered! Gettin drunk really isn't wot I want or need rite now. I av to admit I fuked up big time on sat nite, massive argument with my partner, so I took diazepam and went out, I needed to take myself away from the situation. It's hard coz as addicts we use on feelings. I felt so ???? with myself for lettin myself down. So I did what I thought was rite, I got my daughter in bed then ad a proper conversation about wot I'm going thro, why I'm acting like I am and how it makes me feel, then I listened to there side of how my addiction effects them, sometimes it must be just as hard living with an addict. So hopefully we now av a little insight to how were feeling and today has been much better. I've read a lot of your post and see people really respect your opinion, so I'm grateful you've taken interest in my journey and take your time to offer me advice. I just wish I cud put a face to all u lovely people, I av images in my head of how u all look, as I'm sure u do of me, but I bet none of us are wot we imagine. I picked up my script for a months medication but was told I shouldn't need it, so hopefully by this time next month il of been to detox. I can't wait. The fear is nothing to what it was wen I first came on this forum, I'm so ready for this, more then anything, no way will this beat me. I wish u all the look with your recovery and once again please keep posting. Xx p.s has any1 heard from Karen (strong desire) I know she was having some issues which I don't feel I have a right to really get involved in, I just hope she's ok and knows people didn't mean to cause her any offence., take care dog, xx
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  21. #21
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheekysod View Post
    yeh mingin. haha. ive got all my rellies up in scotland and love that word. hee hee.

    not many non brits would get that at all...

    hope ya doin ok vicky. hang in there mate.
    It's like wen u lot use the term 'word' I didn't av a clue wot that meant but I now think it means like nice 1 mate' or something like that x

  22. #22
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    Word!!!!!...........
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