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Scared & lonely
  1. #1
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Default Scared & lonely

    Hi. Im going into rehab in a few wks to get off methadone & diazepam. I am really really scared. I don't know if I'm strong enough to get through it. I'm terrified of withdrawals. The pain and feeling like I'm going to die. Is it really going to be as bad as I'm imagining? I would be so grateful of any advice. Xx

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    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    YOu will make it... Somtimes when you are scared, the best place to be is in that environment. But if I could offer you one bit of advice.... GO IN 100 percent, GO IN to get something out of the experience. If you don't mind me asking, why are you going? Is it by choice? Getting clean is huge and they will guide you through there and give you/teach you how to live... But you HAVE TO WANT IT.... All my best, Reid
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  3. #3
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    what type of rehab, i was on the done for many years; then switched to suboxone and am getting very close to being off of that drug as well. the more info you give; the better these kind people can help you. my advice is consider all your options; pray about it, and talk to some successful addicts here who have clean time under their belt. sorry i have to go work; but will be on later this evening if you would like to talk/type; i can't really navigate this place yet; but am learning so much just from reading. if you would be so kind as to read this im gonna post a link to below; it has helped many people here successfully become clean; with very mild discomfort. you have nothing to be afraid of, you are making it harder and more stressful on yourself by worrying. ill admit the done is a beast to come off of; but it all depends on which way you use to achieve getting clean.
    http://www.drugs.com/forum/featured-...apy-50887.html
    have a blessed day
    jeremy
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    vicky'L is offline Member
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    I just replied to ur message but not sure if it went through. I'm a it useless on this iPad. Not really sure how to use it. Could u plz let me no if you received my reply. If not I'll resend. Thank you

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    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Thank you for replying. It's just an nhs rehab. It's basically cold turkey but with support to get you through it. I can't stand living the way I am any more. I feel guilty for what I put people through and find it difficult to open up about this whole mess. So I put on an act that I'm fine all the time. When actually that couldn't be further from the truth.

  6. #6
    vicky'L is offline Member
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    I'm going by choice. I was addicted to a lot of prescription drugs for over 5yrs, due to a bad back. My doctor gave me what I wanted when I wanted, no questions asked. At one point I was prescribed 300tramadol in 13days, all my other medication like tamazepam amitrptilyne dehydricodiene etc just went directly to the chemist every wk I just had to collect it. This is how I ended up in this mess. I need to be off drugs. I can't stand how I feel anymore. I put on an act all the time that I'm fine, when I'm really far from it. I work and im finding it increasingly difficult to stay alert & focused. I don't really talk to any1 about how bad I feel. I don't like to put on people & I feel no1 really understands. I feel down a lot but don't show it. I feel so guilty about everything. I know rehab is for the best. I just want the person I once was back. I hate my life right now. I'm so grateful you took the time to reply. Thank you it means a lot x
    Last edited by ddcmod; 07-11-2012 at 03:50 PM.

  7. #7
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by vicky'L View Post
    Thank you for replying. It's just an nhs rehab. It's basically cold turkey but with support to get you through it. I can't stand living the way I am any more. I feel guilty for what I put people through and find it difficult to open up about this whole mess. So I put on an act that I'm fine all the time. When actually that couldn't be further from the truth.
    Hi Vicky,

    Welcome to the forum. I'm Karen and it's very nice to meet you! like Reid said, you just have to want it bad enough! And then do everything in your power to do the right thing. If you do those two things, and have a great attitude about it, you will do fine! Lots of support right here for you too! Take care and it's very nice to have you here and as a friend. Keep posting as that makes such a difference. You can look back and see how far you've come. Blessings to you.

    Big Hugs,
    Karen
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    vicky'L is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strong Desire View Post
    Hi Vicky,

    Welcome to the forum. I'm Karen and it's very nice to meet you! like Reid said, you just have to want it bad enough! And then do everything in your power to do the right thing. If you do those two things, and have a great attitude about it, you will do fine! Lots of support right here for you too! Take care and it's very nice to have you here and as a friend. Keep posting as that makes such a difference. You can look back and see how far you've come. Blessings to you.

    Big Hugs,
    Karen
    Thank you. It's nice to know they are people out there who understand. I feel very alone, but I do want it so bad. I wana be off everything. I'm ready for it I'm just scared I'm going to be so ill x
    Last edited by vicky'L; 07-11-2012 at 12:13 PM. Reason: Forgot to add something

  9. #9
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    You sound lEXACTLY like what I was going through. I was in the same place as you! No one knew my little problem. They knew I had "changed" a bit, but wasn't sure how. My parents finally asked me what was troubling me and I opened up to them. Best thing I could have EVER done! Then it was on here and now I'm real close to being clean for good. No way will I EVER go back to that lifestyle!

    I like your attitude already. And I completely understand your emotions right now. As they say here, been there, done that. So take all the advice and suggestions you will receive here right to heart. There are some brilliant people here with so much wisdom to offer you! Take it all in and learn as I have. You will get there I'm sure of it.

    Again very nice to meet you Vicky and hope we keep posting to each other after you get out of the rehab. Come right back here and I will be waiting for you!

    Hugs,
    Karen
    Last edited by ddcmod; 07-11-2012 at 03:50 PM.
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  10. #10
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Vicky, the fear can be an ally Fear returning to drugs and it can help to stay clean. Was where you are at one time, it is frightening not knowing what to expect. However those people are there to help you not to geton your case. The most important part, which sounds like you have is the want to.Be willing to have an open mind and that thtey are not telling you what to do but what works. Hang in there and keep us posted we are here for you Dog
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  11. #11
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    vicky,
    i've never been to a rehab, so i can't give u advice on that. nor would i want to.
    but i can tell you that i had to go into a detox center because of the extent of my drug use.. and it's the best thing that ever happened to me! it changed my life.
    all i can say is..open ur heart to this new change in ur life..and i can PROMISE you..
    it gets better!
    well anyways...just wanted you to know that i'm here for you. and i'll be following your progress

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    pgcc is offline Member
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    Look I'm sorry but I was on methadone for 6 years and I saw guys go to prison and heard horror stories of kicking cold turkey from meth. No one said they got over it in less than 6 months but some a year in wd. Methadone is no f'in joke. I will NEVER put it in my body again under any circumstances, if I fall and I hope I don't it will never be with methadone. I advise you, from my experience with people forced to ct off this drug to use suboxone to transition to getting clean. Why do this to yourself? You don't have to I just got off the meth and on suboxone and now I'm moving towards coming off the suboxone. I would have NEVER considered ct off methadone, ever. Its self torture its not 3-14 days of feeling bad like dope or oxys ect. your talking months here. You didn't say your dose, I guess if your at a very low dose it may sway me a bit but I even know people who got down to 1mg and then steped off into horrible wd, no lie. This drug was made by Hitler and it is what he was evil. I think it should be pulled off the market personally, esp. now that they have suboxone. But they can't there are so many methadone clinics and patients pulling it would cause mass hysteria. But back to the cold turkey thing I don't know your dose but if your on 30 or more I wouldn't even consider this personally. I'm not a massacist(sp?) and thats what you would be doing this. The subs are there why not at least look into it first, please.

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    pgcc is offline Member
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    Really I'm worried for you. You will go through the entire rehab and still be sick garunteed. No way you get off meth in 30 days or whatever. I know people on it 25-30 years simply because cold turkey from it just isn't an option. The only people I know who have done it had to because of a prison term and they went through hell for months. One guy I know actually went into a coma for the first 4 months he was sick because he was coming off a high dose of meth, xanax, elivil, catapres, and whatever else he could find. He is actually clean now and in recovery but he even says he could have never done it out of prison. If it wasn't for suboxone I know I would have died on methadone. Have you even looked into the suboxone route??
    Last edited by pgcc; 07-11-2012 at 07:03 PM.

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    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    I missed the benzo also I hope to God they don't intend to ct you on the benzo That needs to be tapered at least and preferable medical supervision I really don't know that must on the meth so I won't offer suggestions on a drug I am not that familiar with. In this case I can offer support in short of knowledge Hope you understand Dog

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    pgh491 is offline Member
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    A litle story I hope connects with you and relieves a little anxiety. Not mine, Plato's. It's called "The Cave" and it's in the book,Republic.
    It seems there were a bunch of people shakled to wall inside a cave. They were frorcd to face the wall. Everyday, around 4, They would start to shudder in fear because soon, their monstrous captors would be coming to check on them. Sure enough, huge, hideous shadows appeared on the wall, all were too terrified to look. Except one guy, one day. He decided he had had enough of living in fear and trepidation, sso the next day...right around 4, when the shadows appeared...HE LOOKED! All the others SCREAMED " DON'T TURN AROUND!" Too late. He already had. He told the guy to his right"Turn that key and free my arm!" (Yes, the key was always there) He freed his left arm...walked over and kicked those mice into the valley below. Yes the creatures casting those terrifying shadows were actually puny mice. It was the time of day that the Sun was making their shadows appear much,much larger than normal. He told the others they had nothing to fear and started to free them. Those that were willing to be freed, that is. They had shackled themselves to the wall, and they weren't willing to face the real monster, which was their ignorance and had made "friends" with their fear. He was right about human nature 6000 years ago and still is. don't give your uncertainty any more size than it has to have. Trust that God always helps a lamb trying to return to the flock. Your determination will get you to the other side. If you have look back, only do it once and do it quick. There's a reason the windshield is so much bigger that the rear-view mirror. God is the key, and he is right there. Keep a journal, it might help to read your own thoughts. Be well.
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    pgcc is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgh491 View Post
    A litle story I hope connects with you and relieves a little anxiety. Not mine, Plato's. It's called "The Cave" and it's in the book,Republic.
    It seems there were a bunch of people shakled to wall inside a cave. They were frorcd to face the wall. Everyday, around 4, They would start to shudder in fear because soon, their monstrous captors would be coming to check on them. Sure enough, huge, hideous shadows appeared on the wall, all were too terrified to look. Except one guy, one day. He decided he had had enough of living in fear and trepidation, sso the next day...right around 4, when the shadows appeared...HE LOOKED! All the others SCREAMED " DON'T TURN AROUND!" Too late. He already had. He told the guy to his right"Turn that key and free my arm!" (Yes, the key was always there) He freed his left arm...walked over and kicked those mice into the valley below. Yes the creatures casting those terrifying shadows were actually puny mice. It was the time of day that the Sun was making their shadows appear much,much larger than normal. He told the others they had nothing to fear and started to free them. Those that were willing to be freed, that is. They had shackled themselves to the wall, and they weren't willing to face the real monster, which was their ignorance and had made "friends" with their fear. He was right about human nature 6000 years ago and still is. don't give your uncertainty any more size than it has to have. Trust that God always helps a lamb trying to return to the flock. Your determination will get you to the other side. If you have look back, only do it once and do it quick. There's a reason the windshield is so much bigger that the rear-view mirror. God is the key, and he is right there. Keep a journal, it might help to read your own thoughts. Be well.
    I'm sorry but your all setting her up is anyone familar with methadone cold turkey detox??? Its months long and hell and god doesn't do methadone. I garuntee he will be no where to be found when she has to go through this tourtous process.Yeah, keep a journal, she'll be lucky to get out of bed for christ sake. Someone has to back me up here. I'm all for faith but god has nothing to do with the symptoms she is going to feel. Pray all you want its still gonna happen, I personally know many who went through this in prison and they all have similar stories withdrawal hell for months on end. That is where she is headed and god won't be there.

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    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Pg I will have to accept your word on this , I know so little about it. That's why my previous post states I will have to back off and just offer support. I know about the bezos but very little on the meth. I was assuming, my mistake, there would be medical supervision. I bow to one that has more knowledge on the subject. I certainly do NOT want to give any misinformation or mislead anyone Peace Man Dog

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    pgh491 is offline Member
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    And the positive aspects of magnifing her fear are? Vicky, you can get thru this and you will. Forgive me sir, your contribution is devoid of any good. As far as God is concerned, you've got alot to learn. and I'm no preacher. Trying to keep a journal is the point. This meant for pgccc (I think that's what it was)
    Last edited by pgh491; 07-11-2012 at 09:12 PM.

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    pgh491 is offline Member
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    What part of "Scared and Lonely" don't you get? pgccc, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

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    Lam34fus51 is offline Member
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    Why should he be ashamed?! For telling his experiences and what he's witnessed?! Or for not sugar coating it and saying everything will be fine just pray and post often?! WD is he!! - and the truth sucks - but it is what it is!
    I personally would rather here the truth or at least what it could be like - instead of a bunch of feel good posts!

    Knowledge is power and the more information you have going into battle with the beast - the better prepared you will be!!
    Last edited by Lam34fus51; 07-11-2012 at 11:31 PM.

  21. #21
    pgcc is offline Member
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    [QUOTE=pgh491;370913]What part of "Scared and Lonely" don't you get? pgccc, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.[/QUOTE
    You guys are ignrant and plain stupid on this subjrct. I should be ashamed of myself? Why for potentially trying as hard as i can to get her to see reality. Have any of you been or known anyone who actully ct off a decent dose of methadone outside of prison and did it? I don't. I want the best for this woman, I am not trying to hurt her I'm trying to help. I can''t sit back and hear someone tell her god will get her through this. What a load of bull. God will not make the pain and suffering any better or any shorter. Methadone is what it is. Its dancing w/ the devil for real and that devil won't let you go easily. On top of it if she has any health problems at all this type of ct wd from meth could give her a heart attack and yes I know someone who that happened to also. So unless you've have lived methdone please don't patronize me with this bs.
    Last edited by pgcc; 07-12-2012 at 06:09 AM.

  22. #22
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Dear Vicki,

    I work in a long-term treatment center, so yes, I am familiar with the withdrawal process from methadone. It is a difficult drug to stop and the detox is tougher than most. But I hardly think that what you need, feeling lonely and scared, is to be bombarded by someone's story of hell.

    Vicki, you are doing a brave thing, and it is a very wise decision. Rehab can be a tremendous tool to give us a solid foundation for recovery. I work with women in a 6-12 month program, and it's amazing to witness the growth of these women through this process. I did the same; I did 6 months of treatment, which was what I needed at the time. I just couldn't do it with meetings alone; I needed more. That led me to 11+ years of recovery - and a relapse, unfortunately - but I was able to get back into recovery without further rehab in 2003 - and have been clean/sober ever since.

    Try to go into this with the best possible positive attitude. If you expect to be miserable, you'll find misery. If you expect that you'll be able to do it, you'll find you can. It isn't easy, but nothing worth having is ever easy. Your mind-set and attitude are your best tools going into this.

    Try not to focus on what others have said of their experience with detoxing. I see detoxing all the time, with my work, and I've been through it, myself. I hate to say it, but as addicts, folks often dramatize their story of getting clean - and want to believe that what they went through was far worse than anyone else. Each of us has a different experience, given our past use, our current health, our mental outlook, etc.

    If you are able to reduce the amount of methadone you are currently taking, that would help you tremendously when you go in-patient. See about doing that, since you have a few weeks to work with.

    I wish you all the best - this is a tremendous first step to take.

    God bless,
    Ruth

    You will know the truth - and only the truth can set you free.

  23. #23
    pgcc is offline Member
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    [QUOTE=ARTIST658;370949][FONT=Verdana]
    [COLOR="#000080"]
    Dear Vicki,

    I work in a long-term treatment center, so yes, I am familiar with the withdrawal process from methadone. It is a difficult drug to stop and the detox is tougher than most. But I hardly think that what you need, feeling lonely and scared, is to be bombarded by someone's story of hell.

    Vicki, you are doing a brave thing, and it is a very wise decision. Rehab can be a tremendous tool to give us a solid foundation for recovery. I work with women in a 6-12 month program, and it's amazing to witness the growth of these women through this process. I did the same; I did 6 months of treatment, which was what I needed at the time. I just couldn't do it with meetings alone; I needed more. That led me to 11+ years of recovery - and a relapse, unfortunately - but I was able to get back into recovery without further rehab in 2003 - and have been clean/sober ever since.

    Try to go into this with the best possible positive attitude. If you expect to be miserable, you'll find misery. If you expect that you'll be able to do it, you'll find you can. It isn't easy, but nothing worth having is ever easy. Your mind-set and attitude are your best tools going into this.

    Try not to focus on what others have said of their experience with detoxing. I see detoxing all the time, with my work, and I've been through it, myself. I hate to say it, but as addicts, folks often dramatize their story of getting clean - and want to believe that what they went through was far worse than anyone else. Each of us has a different experience, given our past use, our current health, our mental outlook, etc.

    If you are able to reduce the amount of methadone you are currently taking, that would help you tremendously when you go in-patient. See about doing that, since you have a few weeks to work with.

    I wish you all the best - this is a tremendous first step to take.

    God bless,
    These aren't storys I made up just to scare the ???? out of her, why would I do that. Ur a councilor, you're not out there I have been lately and this is my experience w/ ct methadone wd. She is setting herself up for a LONG bad ride. And why when she can just use suboxone? You can say all these positive things but its not reality. The reality is this woman is about to put herself into a wd that gets worse everyday for the first ten then she will be miserable for the next whatever MONTHS, not days, MONTHS. Everyone I know that had to do this becuse of incarceration told me 6 months, so is she ready to spend half a year in wd? Its easy to come on here and say nice encouraging things but that is not the reality of this situation, she will not get through this on the streets. People can only take wd for so long before they break and use, unless of course your locked up and have no choice but to ride it out. I know no one wants to hear me say these things but I can't tell her "go to rehab and all will be well". Because it won't all be well. I would love to hear from someone who actually did meth wd on the streets. But we won't because it doesn't happen. If she is insistant on this she needs to lower her dose to as low as possible first and even then nothings garunteed w/ this drug. I tell you one thing I'm glad I'm not her. But I wish she would take the suboxone route, why go into potentially dangerous wd when there is a better option.
    Last edited by pgcc; 07-12-2012 at 09:12 AM.
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    pgcc is offline Member
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    Also your experience, unless it was from methadone, means absolutly nothing in this situation. You can't compare wd from short acting opiates to methadone. You did it but I know you were not on methadone because if it was you would have said it. I'm not trying to hurt her, again, I just don't think she realizes what she is signing up for.

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    LovesAnimals is offline Member
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    I was not going to comment due to the fact that I have no personal experience detoxing from methadone. But personally speaking, I would think jail alone would be He** and add detoxing on top of that, I couldn't imagine. But Scared, YOU are going to a REHAB. YOU will be around professionals that know how to deal with your addiction, you will NOT be around security guards or just see some prison doctor whenever... You will be surrounded with like minded people NOT inmates. Totally different situation IMO!

    (not putting down people who have been in jail just the fact you are dealing with apples and oranges IMO for whatever it's worth!)

    Good luck to you Scared! I think it's normal to be afraid, but I am pretty sure you WILL NOT BE ALONE!
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    pgcc is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LovesAnimals View Post
    I was not going to comment due to the fact that I have no personal experience detoxing from methadone. But personally speaking, I would think jail alone would be He** and add detoxing on top of that, I couldn't imagine. But Scared, YOU are going to a REHAB. YOU will be around professionals that know how to deal with your addiction, you will NOT be around security guards or just see some prison doctor whenever... You will be surrounded with like minded people NOT inmates. Totally different situation IMO!

    (not putting down people who have been in jail just the fact you are dealing with apples and oranges IMO for whatever it's worth!)

    Good luck to you Scared! I think it's normal to be afraid, but I am pretty sure you WILL NOT BE ALONE!
    Actually she would have a much better chance of doing this in prison. She would have no choice but to do it. Like I've said I know no one who ct off of meth on the streets and no one has stepped up yet here, I assume because if it has happened its very rare. I wold love if ct was possible I would have done it year ago. I got locked up once for 6 days for fighting, I was on 60 mgs of methadone at the time. My cellmate was kicking >>>>>>. When I got there he was so sick but in the next few days I got worse and worse as he got better. When I got out I was so sick I can't explain it. I had no money, the jail took it believe that, so I had to wait till the next morning to get to the clinic to get well. I shook all night, sweating, throwing up, wanting to blow my brains out. I stared at the clock all night unti it was time to go to the meth clinic. I was so sick I barely got there. But after drinking my dose w/in 15-20 minutes I was fine, thats when I got really scared and knew I had gotten myself into a very bad situation that wouldn't be solved easily. But I only went 7 days, I could have never made it a month let alone 6 months I would have jumped in front of a train.

  27. #27
    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    PGCC... wow all I can say.. We shoot straight with people, that I can tell you. We do our best to tell it like it is... quit with the pompus knife throwing. You have zero clue of what her rehab entails, therefore all your jibberish means diddly. Ruth works in the field and I am pretty sure she has ecperienced in some form or another all the doom and gloom your preaching from the mount. So eazzz up chief. Work on you right now. Put in some clean time, do your time on here and lets talk in a year or two. Detox is h$ll, We get it.... We get the horror stories that CAN and DO happen, but enough already. how can you understand what she is about to go through unless you know her exact situation... She is not going because of jail, she is checking in BY HERSELF to get well... So Eazz up would ya. Reid No need to reply with barbs or daggers because frankly I don't give a poo about your "judgement"

  28. #28
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    My detox partner on this site....kickntheaddiction....jumped off a high dose of methadone.

    Vicki......he went ice fishing while going thru it.

    Search around this site and you'll fine success stories off everything.

    Good luck!
    Marian

  29. #29
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    Here is a link to one of kickn's threads....
    http://www.drugs.com/forum/need-talk...als-57641.html

  30. #30
    pgcc is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by caughtagain View Post
    PGCC... wow all I can say.. We shoot straight with people, that I can tell you. We do our best to tell it like it is... quit with the pompus knife throwing. You have zero clue of what her rehab entails, therefore all your jibberish means diddly. Ruth works in the field and I am pretty sure she has ecperienced in some form or another all the doom and gloom your preaching from the mount. So eazzz up chief. Work on you right now. Put in some clean time, do your time on here and lets talk in a year or two. Detox is h$ll, We get it.... We get the horror stories that CAN and DO happen, but enough already. how can you understand what she is about to go through unless you know her exact situation... She is not going because of jail, she is checking in BY HERSELF to get well... So Eazz up would ya. Reid No need to reply with barbs or daggers because frankly I don't give a poo about your "judgement"
    I know what I'm saying would be attacked but this is what I have WITNESSED its not some raving mad rant. It really doesn't matter waht the rehab entails unless they put her on suboxone, otherwise she is going to go through hell, there is no arguing with that I'm sorry. Not trying to make enemies or scare her I just want her to know what she is potentially getting her self into. Esp. w/ the suboxone option out there. I was in rehab before I got on methadone in Florida, real nice place. I was only still takin hydrocodone at the time. A guy came in w/ me kicking methadone. I had no idea why this guy was never in the meetings, always in bed, even after 20 so days. At the time I thought he was playing the place. But now I understand, he was deathly sick for the entire rehab.

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