I wrote about it in my taper thread (http://www.drugs.com/forum/need-talk...-me-57821.html ) this morning, but only one person saw it I think. I've been checking this board all day hoping to talk to someone!
I am in the middle of a taper for suboxone and some of my addict behaviors came out last night. (I let them come out)
I rationalized that as long as I didn't go over the 3mg I had planned for the day it was not really cheating on the taper or abusing the drug. I took just 3mg as planned but I took 1.5mgs in a way that made them much more potent.
I didn't really expect it to work but it did. It worked much too well and it was like going through the induction again, and feeling sort of high like that made me scared that I was relapsing.
It was so strange I had a almost-high feeling and at the same time I hated it. It was triggering all of these memories...
It took forever to stop. I think I'll only need half my planned dose today then I'm getting back on the taper. I don't know how to enter this in my spread sheet. I think I've ruined everything. But I'm trying to stay calm and keep things in perspective.
But I'm right in thinking that doing stuff to boost the absorption of the drug is very wrong and may very well compromise my recovery? Yes?
I would call my therapist, but I think she might take me off of the subs if she knows what I did-- and I don't want that, I'm terrified of withdraw.
I'm also terrified at how powerful this stuff is.