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Ready to feel normal.
  1. #1
    Gettin there is offline Member
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    Default Ready to feel normal.

    I have been using opiates for 6 yrs. The last couple of years about 50mg lortabs. I am in my thirties. Today is day 18 opiate free for me. I am gonna get there. I am in it to win it this time. I don't want to be a slave to it anymore. I am surprised that I do not feel normal yet. I have waves were I feel ok and then waves with cravings followed by anxiety. I am not going back to my old way of living it just isn't an option. I want to be free. I have made a lot of progress. I don't think I could come this far again. It has took its toll on me. So I know if I go back I may not ever stop. So I cant waste what good I have done. I don't like the way I feel. When is it gonna end? Although I do feel a lot better than I did.

  2. #2
    quittingthedemon is offline Senior Member
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    By 30 days you'll feel much better. 60 days even better still. 90 days & you should be home free. Exercise is the single biggest key to feeling better fast as possible. Push yourself...even if just walking. Also think of each day clean as a gold bar...you now have 18 stacked up in your safe & are quite wealthy. You get another each day & are set for life...except eat one more pill and you have to give them all back...all of them, for ONE pill. Thats NEVER an option. Today I have 100 gold bars!!!

  3. #3
    Gettin there is offline Member
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    Thanks quitingthedemon! I like that analogy. I didn't mention the fatigue. It is driving me nuts but right now as my neck hurts and I feel a migraine coming on I would so take the fatigue. I took some Aleve and it isn't helping. I cant wait till 8 so I can put my child to bed. Then I am gonna take a warm bath in dim light and go lay down in the dark until this passes. Come on day 19. It is so great that the ones that have been through it are here to encourage others.
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  4. #4
    quittingthedemon is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gettin there View Post
    I am gonna take a warm bath in dim light and go lay down in the dark
    Lady stop the dirty talk now before...POOF...I show up with a bottle of wine. LOL!!!
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  5. #5
    scrd2dth is offline Member
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    We made it to Day 19!! Hang in there...we're in the same boat...the fatigue I think is worse than the physical w/d's...but keep on keeping on

  6. #6
    quittingthedemon is offline Senior Member
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    I had fatigue so bad...I remember my child wanting to go in Target for a new ninja turtle toy. I had to actually focus on putting one foot in front of the other, my legs seemed made of lead...it was horrible. Made it across the parking lot to the front door and gave some real thought to riding one of the handicap scooter chair deals they have...I didn't but I wanted to...LOL. I had to use a cart like a walker...people were probably wondering why I was hanging onto the cart for life and going so slow, looking like death. I remember on day 2 or 3 needing to go get some more immodium...it was an act of God for me to even make it downstairs and into my garage. I remember sitting in my truck as the garage door opened and I looked at all my neighbors outside laughing & playing with their children...they all looked so happy & full of energy. I sat in my truck crying because I wanted that so bad...yet I felt so horrible. I was really thinking I didn't have the energy to simply drive to the store. I can never go back to that again...ever. Point is...no matter how bad you feel...just keep stacking clean days together...get some exercise...and soon it'll all pass & you'll feel much better. As bad as you may feel...its a small price to pay for freedom & happiness!!!
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  7. #7
    Gettin there is offline Member
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    Yes Scrd we made it! Congrats quittingthedemon for making it so far. Over a 100 days now. That is awesome. My migraine is gone now. Thank God! I am gonna try to greet this day with a better attitude. We will see how that goes. I do need to start exercising.
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  8. #8
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    Your saving your life Gettinthere . After the buzz of getting clean wears off a little , you will have many mental battles . Quitten is dead on with the exercise advice. After 4 relapses in an eight year battle with Hydrocodone , I have learned a bit about my addiction. For me ( we are all different ) the mental thing goes away around day 40 . You will have good and bad days for awhile . Hang tough because there really is no other choice. If you think you can continue taking 50mg/daily forever you are mistaken . There is an epidemic out there of pain killer meds . The Pharmacies all have programs in place and monitor patients and Doctors who over prescribe or abuse these meds . But that is all secondary to the fact that you really need to get free from these pills. 19 days is a big deal . It helps me to read through my thread every once in a while to remind me of how hard it was . The pills are wicked and have a real addictive nature to them . STOP NOW and don't go back , it will never get easier , only harder. Good luck and I know you can do it if your really fed up with the life . For me , its the self esteem . It brings me down so bad when I am using. But today is day 101 for me and your coming up right behind me .

  9. #9
    Gettin there is offline Member
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    Thanks flats. I know everything you said is right. I am determined. I am gonna push through. I don't ever want to experience the first ten days again. they were just awful. I just cant do the first ten days again. That's why I am determined to do it this time. I know it is basically my only chance. If I go back I will be so scared of the first ten days that it will keep me on it. So I just have to push through this. I don't like how I feel but at least it is manageable. Unlike the beginning. Thanks for your support flats.
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  10. #10
    scrd2dth is offline Member
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    Hey gettinthere...we made it to Day 20!!! I'm still fighting the fatigue yet, too. But it took us yrs to get this point, we aren't going to feel better overnite. Great job, I'm proud of u
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  11. #11
    Gettin there is offline Member
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    We made it!!!!!! Almost 3 wks.
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  12. #12
    Gettin there is offline Member
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    I made it another day. I am sick. I caught a virus I guess. My head feels like it is gonna explode. My nose goes from running non stop to I cant breathe. I am not gonna let this stop me. I feel icky.
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  13. #13
    scrd2dth is offline Member
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    OMGosh...I'm so sorry u feel like that...we've got that going around here, too Take care of urself...need ya on here...& WE hit Day 21.....yay!!!
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  14. #14
    Gettin there is offline Member
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    I am really struggling today. I wake up angry. I am sad and I don't have any energy. I can't go back to my old ways. I am feeling very weak. I don't feel like I have the fight in me anymore. I am trying desperately to get my fight back. I want to succeed. I just feel so weak. It's Sunday and I want to be happy in front of child. Struggling.
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  15. #15
    trying2013 is offline Member
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    You can do this!!! 23 days clean! I am only working on day 3. Being happy in front of my kids is the hardest thing for me right now too. But I know I know I kwow that I am doing this for them. Stay strong!

  16. #16
    quittingthedemon is offline Senior Member
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    23 days...don't blow it now with the finish line in sight. 30-40 days and it'll turn and you'll suddenly feel well. Then 60 days and you'll feel really good. Then 90 days and you'll be like "damn I feel great and I'd been missing this?" Don't let the pills fool you. Sunday & wanting to feel good in front of your child is simply the addict junkie in you talking...looking for an excuse. A last ditch effort from your brain still screaming for it drugs. Don't give in...your brain is about to make its own drugs...and that feels better than anything!!!!!

  17. #17
    Gettin there is offline Member
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    Thanks for the support trying and quitting. It means a lot. Quitting what you say makes sense. I am hanging in there. I took my son out and played some games it helped for a little bit. The last few days have been tough. I think I am drained from the whole process. Hopefully my brain will get adjusted soon.
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  18. #18
    trying2013 is offline Member
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    Day 3 for me. Made myself get up and moving. Took motrin and a hot bath. I am really struggling with the mental part. But I just replace the badThoughts with thoughts of my family. You can do it. Hang in there!!!

  19. #19
    Gettin there is offline Member
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    Trying its day 4 for you now. Things should ease up some for you today. For sure by tomorrow.

    I am hanging in there. I just finished about a 2 hr long anxiety attack. I will be glad when this mental stuff is over. I was literally thinking during my anxiety attack it is like my brain is having a temper tantrum. I just told myself I had to be the strict parent here and parent myself. I can't give I to the temper tantrum because I k is what is best for me and giving in wouldn't be. Strange thoughts I know but it got me through it. I feel a little better now. I hope it stays. I have a lot I need to get done. I am thinking I might take a walk first though. Maybe it will help the good emotions stay and maybe give me a little energy.
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  20. #20
    quittingthedemon is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gettin there View Post
    I am thinking I might take a walk first though. Maybe it will help the good emotions stay and maybe give me a little energy.
    The absolute best thing you can do. You need to make it a daily routine...every day...even twice a day. That is if you want to feel your best soon as possible as well as have more energy. Also the sunlight you'll get will help your brain release the "happy" chemicals as well. Its a win win. Get to marching missy!!!!!
    Last edited by quittingthedemon; 10-28-2013 at 09:43 AM.
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  21. #21
    trying2013 is offline Member
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    My poor bulldog thinks I'm nuts! I have taken her out at least 10 times today. The last time I grabbed the leash and told her "let's go big momma" she ran to her room ( she sleeps in my closet) shaking. Haven't seen her in 2 hours now. Just getting out of the house to my porch the first couple of days helped so much. Sitting in the sun watching my 2 daughters ride their four wheelers..made me feel so good mentally. Keep up the good work. You can do it!
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  22. #22
    scrd2dth is offline Member
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    Happy Day 25...hang in there with me...I'm proud of u...we can do this!!!
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  23. #23
    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    Getting there.. I just wanted to come on and tell you how proud I am of you for the fight you are fighting... Addiction is tough, but with patience, hard work and perseverance YOU will get your life back. Have faith in the process and understand that as time goes by, things will calm down.. Just hang in there and know we are rooting for you and have faith in you.. All my best, Reid

  24. #24
    quittingthedemon is offline Senior Member
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    Gettin I read on another thread that you are dealing with some tough issues right now and need to talk. Wish we had a private message feature here but sadly no, so all I can offer is I am here for support. If your are comfortable, spill it out here in your thread and maybe some of us can help you work through it. Don't worry too much about it not being private...thats the beauty of not having your picture and name posted here...you can just open up and be honest without fear. Chin up lady!!!
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  25. #25
    scrd2dth is offline Member
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    Hello there, my friend I'm having a really difficult time right now, as well. The urge to use is so strong for me right now that I had no idea it would hit me like this. I, too, am going thru the anxiety as well as difficulty sleeping again. I thought I'd b over these physical symptoms. I feel for u, as I c a lot of u in me. U have a supportive husband. I don't, but I've got this online community with this forum that offers me much needed support that I wouldn't get at home. I'm also, considered the "good one" in my family, & they wouldn't understand, either. Quittingthedemon is absolutely right...this is ur thread, & a safe place to "spill it out". That's what's nice about here...the anonymity. And don't ever feel like ur hijacking my thread...we're in this together, so u r welcome to say whatever u want on there. Chances r, I'm going thru the same thing, or have been there. I will b thinking of u today, again, hang in there with me!!

  26. #26
    scrd2dth is offline Member
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    And please, don't leave this site. I'm not the only one who needs ya on here. Before I started my own thread, I was on here lurking on other threads, following what others were going thru before I got serious about getting clean. It's also a great place to get thoughts out & c how far uve come. I thought about u all wknd & wished I could have gotten on here, as I found myself more vulnerable without the support. I appreciate ur prayers, & will pray for u, too, as we each go thru this really difficult day we're both having today.
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  27. #27
    Gettin there is offline Member
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    How are you doing trying? Are you walking that dog today?

    TY caughtagain. Your support is helpful.

    Scrd I am so glad we are in this together. We seem to have taken it close to the same amout of time. 6yrs for me and I believe you said 7 for you.
    quitting I do wish we had a private message button. I guess I am scared that if I give to many details if anyone I know where to read this they would know who I am. I guess I am gonna give a few.

    Thanks again for the support.

    I will give a little back ground. My father was an alcoholic. He was abusive towards my mother. No one believed her because he was so likeable. Only me and my siblings know the truth. My parents split when I was ten. Divorced when I was 11. My dad moved away when I was 12. My dad passed away a little over a year ago. I totally forgave him for everything yrs ago. He found God but still dranked until the day he died. My step mother decided she hated me before I ever met her. THat never changed no matter what I did. put a stain on the my relationship with my dad. He loved her more than anything. They got married when I was 14.

    I have a cousin that I was close with when I was little and our mothers had a fallen out and I didn't see her a lot. I did see her shortly after my son was born. She passed away less than a year ago. She was drinking and lord knows what else was in her system. She hit another car and died. A month or two before she passed I had a strong urge to get in touch with her. Her family hasn't been the kindest to mine. So I ignored my feelings. I feel guilty about that. What if I was meant to help her some way? An hour before my dad died I had an urge to call him and planed on calling him the next day. The next day never came. Going to his funeral was probably about the worst thing I could have done. My stepmother and half brother whom I had only met a few times told some lies and turned my dads side of the family against us. Keep in mind I have only met these people a few times in my life. I was basically a stranger to them so ofcourse they believed them. It didn't help that my twin brother who has tons of issues with all of them wasn't exactly sober and neither was his wife.

    My brother flirted with drugs when he was a teen esp with acid. He had a bad trip and gave that up. THen he had a bad accident and got injured pretty bad. So his jorney with opiates began. He will take any kind of opiate. He has been to rehab once. he goes through wd all the time. He even had a bad habit with methadone for awhile. He stopped taking it because they wouldn't lower his dose. So he went through hell with that and then just started taking more opiates to feel better. His doc is opiates all though he will take other things. He has ruined his life. IF he worked super hard he could still have a chance but I don't think he thinks he can.

    I have another brother who is addicted to benzos. Has been I guess close to twenty years. I don't think he even knew that it was addictive when the dr prescribed it. He has also ruined his life. he has tried to get off of them. Even made it six months one time but I guess he got some kinda of bad paws from it. He was in agony the whole six months. I have less hope for him. He is in a bad place. I worry for his life.

    I am not even gonna get into my mom right now. She is in bad shape physically and mentally. I guess I have shared enough for now.

    For those reasons above I can never go back. My addiction wasn't as bad as theirs but who knows what would happen if I stayed on. We all know it only gets worse.

    I hope I don't regret sharing so much. I really needed to get that out and maybe it will help someone else.

  28. #28
    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    and just maybe.... it will help you.. That is the cool thing about this place. As I was getting clean, I vented.... a lot.. Things I wrote on these boards I never shared with anyone. Once I did, I was liberated and as I got some clean time in, that too helped me put "myself" back together again... Remember, we are all the same.. kind of... Just at different stages. We are here for each other and here for you as well.. Welcome... You will make it, because you WANT IT! Reid

  29. #29
    quittingthedemon is offline Senior Member
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    This may not be the best advice...just my thoughts. I feel...sometimes its best to distance yourself from drama & turmoil. I try to surround myself with as much positive vibes as possible. You can't live life looking back and stressing over others issues. For me, its better to look ahead...stay the course of trying to build myself a better life. Keeping my brain filled with good stuff...thoughts of a brighter future...seem to go an awfully long way toward my feeling of well being & happiness. I have a friend...he loves the drama. Every time we speak, so & so did this & that, his girl this...his dad that...his neighbors blah....never ending. And he has the worst life of anyone I know. I realized that if things were smooth in my life and going well then we didn't speak much...but if there was a problem or drama he was right there in the middle, giving bad advice, stirring it up worse. I've since quit accepting his calls...plus I grow weary of him always speaking about his pain meds he has so much of especially since he is indeed aware of my situation. Sadly I never speak to my own mom anymore either. She snuck into town awhile back to visit my son...and went to my ex's and spent the day visiting without even letting me know. Never mentioned it. I wouldn't of known she was in town if my child hadn't told me what grandma bought him that weekend. Sneaky. So she doesn't call me...and I no longer call her. Don't need the hassle...less drama the better. Went to a Halloween party last weekend with a couple attractive ladies. One had been flirting with me for a few weeks. We hung out all night with me buying her beers and her playing footsie under the table with me. She had my interest. Then about 2am a couple drunken guys they knew showed up and started whispering in their ears. No problem...I was the outsider of the group so I just laid back. I am sure (I'm no idiot) the whispers were of drugs. Next thing I knew they were all going to someones house to build a fire in the backyard...I wasn't invited. No problem...glad actually. Anyway...the one I liked kept sending me text until 5am telling me she was sorry and what a great time they were having. Then more text the next day. And again yesterday. I just now ignore them. When I bump into her this weekend I'm going to be a bit distant & less friendly. If she liked me then she wouldn't of ditched me for the guys with the party favors. Don't need that drama in my life...not at all. I'm not as easy as I once was...LOL. Anyway...what I'm rambling to get at is...I try my best to surround myself with upbeat positive people that bring joy to my life. Hassles & drama I have to drop it like its hot. I don't want my life to be a Springer show or an episode of Cops. I mentioned it earlier in another thread...get the book "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. Best thing I've ever read to help deal with the issues of life and how to get more joy into living life. Its incredible...everyone would benefit from reading it.
    So now I don't stress over things I have no control & try to keep a happy tone in my heart and love what I hold dear.

  30. #30
    trying2013 is offline Member
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    Hey Getting There :-) I have been walking the fur off of my dog LOL I think she is tired of going potty! But its good for her b/c she is a bit over weight.

    I was thinking about you today. I sent up a prayer for you. I have not read through your thread..but have you tried journaling privately? Maybe just in a notebook that you can tuck away? I used to journal along time ago when I was dealing with some things. I would write and write until I was empty headed, if that makes sense, and tuck my journal away. In my mind, I was also tucking away those thoughts and worries. Once they were on paper, they were gone from my mind unless I chose to go back over what was written.

    I agree with what quitting said whole heartedly. Get away from the negative. That stuff always leads back to negative.

    You can do this. I'm praying for you.

    Jin

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