question for the Suboxene Expert.

[UserReady]

wow...who knew.
today I have energy. I did laundry-dishes-showered-ate.
diarrhea dangit. immodium works quite well.
my hubby looks like he has had enuff...

Yesterday was my EMOTIONAL DAY...my I am so sorry day.
day5-today is my angry-pissed off day?? sick of this entire process.
however.....I suppose I am going to go thru lots of emotions!

I remembered another lie i have to tell my hubby about. god, I am loosing all my dignity. I have been in such a daze. he is trying to fix our finances, and i remembered 2 other things i did !!
how much more will he put up with?

ty everyone..!

ty robert, I heard day 5, it can return...!!
but my legs ache so bad, I don't know why? toxins? i suppose.

[Robert_325]

Day five is always a big day. It will get better each day from here. Hey while you're spilling your guts tell him everything. Get it over with now so nothing comes back to bite you later. Your whole life is about to change. Get ready! God bless.

[UserReady]

wow---this is ruff. I wish I could get my legs under me!!
I just cant walk good. 0 energy.......
mornings are soooo ruff.

0 diarrhea ty jesus...!
financial mess is all cleaned up! ty Jesus.
I am starting to get hungry.! ty Jesus.


Now intelmetal.!!!

i noticed on day 7-u posted to me. u are way ahead of me...can u tell me when I might be able to walk..? or any1?

groceries, gotta go gettem...?
I slept thru the night like a baby..I am noticing things about myself that happened & I didn't even know...so weird. Lord have I been absent..from life.

I went on a 3yr. journey all alone, without my husband. This I regret...
What a pivotal moment in my life.

I found myself lying yesterday to some one on the phone, like it was nothing!!! wow!! Not good...I learned how to deceit and lie so well being an addict.
gotta work on that for sure.!

ty...

[intelmetal]

I think you might have read into my post the wrong way, or I just came across as having been totally clean. I am tapering on suboxone. I am dropping my dose today to .75mg ( a very low dose ). I was just trying to explain how important it was to have your spouse on board. I lied to my wife for the first 4-5 years of my addiction and feel so guilty about it. She is helping me enormously with getting clean, and I don't think I could have gotten this far without her support. I want you to be strong and beat this thing because I know first hand, the damage it can do to us and our families. Sorry if I accidentally misled you. I am still fighting this addiction, but will win very soon.
Take care of yourself and it will get better. OH! the energy thing, it is hard for everyone to feel 100% right away. You just need a little time, it will come back. Try to force yourself to excersize a little each day. The worst thing to do is just lay around the house. Good Luck !
IWANTOUT

to live my life and to be free !

[UserReady]

day 6---woke this morning. thought I was fine.
1 hr later I couldnt' even walk 2 steps.!!! so fricking scary, here all alone.!!

jumped in the shower, cuz thats just what i have been doing, and I fell to my the side.
got out soaking wet, scurried to the bed. I could not move all day..
I thought it thru, ...I have a medical bkgrnd...so I took my pulse. it had dropped to 60bpm..!!!!!! not good.

So i was settled in to think should i go to the E.R.? I fell asleep..all day.
Just woke up starving...hubby walked in and took I took my b.p....its high, not low, like i felt.!

so together we are watching it, prepared to go if need be...
but I am doing a bit better.

intelmetal.---yes i did not know u were on subs. I chose the opposite of you...I am leaning toward a possiblility that i may have made the wrong choice, considering my age, and how long I used....3yrs..HARD!!

so tomorrow and the next day i get my hubby home w/me...tgod..
this is some scary s***

good luck to you..intelmetal...(did i get ur name right>?)

so all in all today was almost a EMERGENCY ROOM VISIT...but I did it..
(I'm not gonna lie, I wish I was in the hospital today)

[intelmetal]

Yes you got my name right. I really hope you feel better soon. For me, it has been sort of a prolonged agony doing subs. I have been on subs for 8 weeks and hope to be off of them by the end of July. I am down to .75 mgs now and still tapering. It's no cakewalk, but easier than cold turkey as I was a long time methadone abuser. We will both get this done and our spouses are a very important part of recovery. God Bless you and your hubby ! Hang in there.
IWANTOUT

to live my life and to be free !

[UserReady]

I did it...day 7 and I feel great. today I will go out. .and get some groceries.
what a journey..good god.

ty--to everyone who posted.

Now to keep my addictive behavior under control.???
I will probably throw myself back in the GYM...

I just found out my User Friend went to check into Rehab, and they do a Physical first b4 u check in....She had KIDNEY FAILURE. GOOD LORD.

I guess I was headed there too......I thought 1 pill couldn't possibly hurt me all this time...hell that girl is very sick..!
today I enjoy my coffee.
I will admit I am scared to b home alone all nxt week again by myself, i don't know what i will do all day being sober now???? hey maybe I will go get a job.

I am not sure if I want to work in the Medical field anymore....so many addicts and crooked doctors!!!
One of the drs I worked for used to give his Mechanic vic's to take care of his Harley.!!!!!
they are all the same...whatever

IntelMetal..----I will b back. U were here for me indeed...I wish u well.
I know this is hard for you..cuz its more of a Long detox.! But U will get there... U are down to such a small amt...!

thankfully we have Great spouses huh?

tc
ttyl

[intelmetal]

First of all CONGRATS on your success !!! You did it ! OMG, I am so impressed with your win. You are so right about the awesome spouses. I could have never gotten this far with out her help. God Bless her ! She is my soul mate. We have been married for over 25 years, and she is such a compassionate and understanding person. She could have easily given up on me years ago, but she loves me and I love her. Please try to stay clean. When I beat this, I will never repeat my mistake...EVER !!!
IWANTOUT

to live my life and to be free !

[UserReady]

thank you..my hubby is still with me. I still have problems with mornings.
I don't have to work, thankfully..or I couldn't have done it this way.
I would have had to do subs. 4 sure!

This took every ounce of my being..indeed! It tested me beyond anything I have experienced including childbirth of twins.!!!!!!!! (naturally)

Now I'm ready to clean up my mess.
I have a health issue now though. I seem to have a horrid chill in my body and i can't get rid of it. like a cold?? sneezing-etc?? and my legs still ache like a *****...!

just not quite there...

hey intelready---using sub are you using just enuff to allow u to function?
I am curious bout that stuff?

[intelmetal]

I am tapering my dose 25% about every 5-6 days. I tried to do it just like Robert said to, but at the low doses I could not function in my stressful job, so I just do the bare minimum I can get away with. I make sure not to go up on my dose no matter what. It has been rough lately, I'm @ .75mgs, especially the mornings. I was trying to finish up by the 4th of July, but that did not happen. I think it is a little harder for me because I was on methadone for years. I am determined to beat this, it might just take a little longer than I thought. Maybe by the end of July or early August, I can be done with this. Wish me luck !
IWANTOUT

to live my life and to be free !

[drugfreeme3]

hey robert,
its me lindsey. So I am down to 1mg a day. Seems to be such a small dose yet being free of the suboxone is so far away. My days arent always the best. I havent been able to post how Ive been doing bc Ive been trying to focus on passing my math class and have been utililizing the universsitys tutors 3 times a week. Keeping busy seeems to help me not focus on feeling physically ********py. My mom and sister have been a terrible support. I dont know where else to turn to say that they dont wannt me off of it. 12 years of taking pills to keep me normal is too long. Both of them dont understand bc they havent been there and obviously cant get it. I try to explain it but it doesnt work. My dad died from alcoholism 2 1/2 years ago and im like him in so many ways I think that my mom and sister think that this disease will kill me too. I can hoonestly say I have not a single desire to use again. I have way too much to lose and have done that before. I set up a after plan/ support plan. I am returning to NA, a therapist, my fiance and whatever else I can find to help me. I havent been able to go to the NA meetings while on suboxone or the methadone bc they consider you not to be clean so they just dont talk to you. So I am going back in fresh. And this time someone will actually sponser me. So how long till I tapper from 1mg? I have to do this slow. Plus I am scared. Get back to me.

[melinda7.5]

Hi drugfreeme
Robert is out of town for a few days,If you need me to tell him something let me know I would be happy to do that...
Hang in there...
Talk to you later, Melinda

[drugfreeme3]

Hi drugfreeme
Robert is out of town for a few days,If you need me to tell him something let me know I would be happy to do that...
Hang in there...
Talk to you later, Melinda

Hi Melinda,
Nothing urgent. Mostly I am just looking for support from those who understand what I am doing and going through. Thanks for replying to me. I have my fiances support but he cant help the way someone who is going through or has been through all this. Just having a rough time today. Kinda want to get high. My brain is screwing with me today. So if anyone has any piece of advise/support to help it would be appreciated. Thank you.
~Lindsey

[drugfreeme3]

Hi drugfreeme
Robert is out of town for a few days,If you need me to tell him something let me know I would be happy to do that...
Hang in there...
Talk to you later, Melinda

I am tapering my dose 25% about every 5-6 days. I tried to do it just like Robert said to, but at the low doses I could not function in my stressful job, so I just do the bare minimum I can get away with. I make sure not to go up on my dose no matter what. It has been rough lately, I'm @ .75mgs, especially the mornings. I was trying to finish up by the 4th of July, but that did not happen. I think it is a little harder for me because I was on methadone for years. I am determined to beat this, it might just take a little longer than I thought. Maybe by the end of July or early August, I can be done with this. Wish me luck !
IWANTOUT

to live my life and to be free !

Hey I am in the same boat as you. I was on methadone for 3 years than switched to suboxone. 9 months now. Ive been tappering slowly. Fast doesnt work for me either. Im on 1mg now. Been there for about 6 days and still feel ********py in the a.m. and also depends on the day. I am determined to beat it as well and we will. I hope to be off of this by early august too. But I know the only way I can think of it is one day at a time. I scare myself if I go further than that about when Ill be off. So close yet so far away. Hang in there. Take your time. everyones pace is different. I thought I was the only one that thought this is going to take longer than expected. But its ok. As long as we get there. Slow and steady wins the race. Good luck.
~Lindsey

[drugfreeme3]

Ok so today I am still on the 1mg 1x a day and on top of feeling small w/d symptoms I have a f-in cold! What a topper! Still feeling urges to get high even though I know I cant even if I tried. I think once robert gets back ill go down a bit more. I need some motivation to keep tappering. I have energy I can do everything I always do housework, ect. But my brain is still saying hey lindsey take extra suboxone and get high or go find xanax. I cant screw up at this point. Will someone please respond to someone in need of support? Please!
~Lindsey

[intelmetal]

Hi ! This is intelmetal, I know what you are going through right now. I am feeling very similar. I have not had the restless legs, thank God. But I still do not feel normal, kinda weak and foggy. I really do not like the way subs make me feel, but I know that this is the only way I'll get better. I have had success w/ eating 1 banana a day, 3 packs of emergen-C w/ 15 ounces of bottled water, 1 centrum silver multi vitamin, 1 flaxseed oil gel cap, 1000mgs L-tyrosine in the morning w/ B-6 tab, 2 immodium tabs, and butter pecan ensure plus twice a day. Also gatorade all day w/ exersize. I can honestly say that without this forum, I would have a much harder time. I am having " Robert Withdrawls ", I hope he comes back soon. I look forward to reading his post everyday and have missed him He is so committed to helping people in our situation. God has truly blessed him and everyone he has touched. You too Melinda, your support is so important to us all. Thanks!
IWANTOUT

to live my life and to be free !

[krs_done]

Ok here it is, i have been taking pian meds in ALL forms fro over two years now, i quit cold turkey a year ago then two months later right back to it,mainly due to the depression. last sunday i took my last roxycet, when thru the hell last week with only zanax as an aid. I have 3 8mg suboxen in my posesion, and hear is the question, can i take a quarter of one to fight the depression long enough to get out of this house and find a job, i dont feel like i can be in front of someone feeling the way i do, and im still a little wierd from th wd"s . I just need to know if it will help qith the depression so i can get moving, im not interested in staying on suboxen < i got off this ******** for a reason, its evil in solidified powder and sometimes time realeased form! but if i take 2-4 mgs will it help me thru the day so i can find a job, i only have three 8 mgs. someone please tell me something im feeling extremly depressed and anxious.

[UserReady]

Use it indeed. But then what? are you gonna do WD again?
I just finished c/t..10 days of hell.

Do whatever you can to get thru it..and find a job...just don't think u have quite enuff there...?

good luck to you.

[intelmetal]

Lindsey, where are you ? I have been looking forward to Roberts' return to this forum. I need support like everyone else. I know what you mean, by saying " so close but yet so far " It kills me every morning when I wake up. It is not so bad during the day and evenings, but the mornings are horrible !!! I force myself to wait a couple of hours before I take my dose. It's as if I want to punish myself every day for getting into this mess.
Talk to you later, and Good Luck !
IWANTOUT

to live my life and to be free !

[drugfreeme3]

Lindsey, where are you ? I have been looking forward to Roberts' return to this forum. I need support like everyone else. I know what you mean, by saying " so close but yet so far " It kills me every morning when I wake up. It is not so bad during the day and evenings, but the mornings are horrible !!! I force myself to wait a couple of hours before I take my dose. It's as if I want to punish myself every day for getting into this mess.
Talk to you later, and Good Luck !
IWANTOUT

to live my life and to be free !

I do the same thing in the morning, I wait untill I cant take the way I feel anymore to take my dose. For some reason lately I just want to ggive up and get high. Ive been trying so hard for so long to be a normal functioning part of society and still find myself using a drug to be "normal". Im at 1mg a day. Its so small I am wondering if my feelings are comming back? emotions? This is the whole reason I did drugs in the first place. I am sick with a sinus infection too so I am pretty much at my wits end. If robert doesnt get back soon I dont know where to go from here. I make sure to post everyday and thank you for responding to me I feel better now. I also have a 2 year old and cant let him down. I couldnt put my child through what I did to my mom and family. Stay strong I am damn sure trying. I must say that this is one of the worst diseases to have and wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. I am happy to be alive but not happy to still be on a drug. Get back to me.

[melinda7.5]

Hi drugfreeme
WAIT HOLD ON I promise Robert will be back on saturday...
Don't you dare give up on yourself yet...
If you need me to ask Robert something I will be glad to...
It's only a couple more days

talk to you soon, Melinda

[intelmetal]

Lindsey, I am sorry that you are feeling sick ( cold or flu ), but don't let it stop what you are trying to accomplish. I am also dealing with the issues that got me started on the drugs. It feels real different coming off opiates. I have a hard time explaining it, but the first 6 weeks on subs, I had the feeling that some kind of claw or vise-grip pliers were squeezing my head. I called it "THE CLAW". Well it finally let loose and that's when I started to feel some of my underlying issues coming back, some bad, some good, but most of all just weird and foggy feeling. I sometimes feel like a walking zombie. But like I said earlier, in the later part of the day, I feel more normal. I go to sleep OK, but wake up real early ( 3:30-5:00 am ) and just lay there feeling like hell. I get up and smoke some cigarettes and drink half caf. coffee to try and feel better. It usually takes 3 hours to feel half way decent, then I take my split dose then shower. It gets better from there til I wake the next morning. I almost dread waking up sometimes. Each day does get a little better or I am just getting used to feeling bad. I don't know. Saturday can't come soon enough !
Talk to you later.
IWANTOUT

to live my life and to be free !

[UserReady]

doing better...went to a dr..due to pain in my legs! told him the truth. he said i have toxins trapped in my soft tissue, so now i go for the massage, by a sports dr.
yesterday I had bad cravings to get high. I thought, do i wanna go thru life never getting high again? answer was NO.

I am hardcore addict..i guess. seeing a shrink thursday...I sometimes wish i was on subs...this is such an emotional fricking roller coaster, sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore...
life bores me..
i got in my car and drove 100mph one day...???? wtheck was that.
I felt like nothing could touch me...not true.

I am scaring myself more and more everyday...

there is not one family mbr...on my mothers side that is not an addict...gee wonder where I got it.??

too much emotional ******** for me...I am sooo lost...I can't find myself?

[intelmetal]

Lindsey, don't give up. You have a whole lot of living to do. Get some help from a therapist or something. You seem to feel so alone. You need to talk to somebody about your desire to get high. I thought you were on track, what happened ? Please post here, we will listen.
IWANTOUT

to live my life and to be free !

[UserReady]

I m back.....I cant even begin to explain the feelings that went thru my head....pretty scary.
It was like an excitement in me?? like no one could TOUCH ME...
I have come back to reality now..lol tgod..whoa

I am doing better..this is got to be the hardest ******** I have ever went thru.

I only get small bursts of energy..then I have 2 sit down...its like I am building my strength from scratch...I can't do anything worth a darn..

zero energy..? my hubby is saying it may take 1 month to get my energy back..I didn't expect all this emotional baggage..

One thing I know for sure: I will never USE AGAIN..
I had a medical condition the dr's. were calling orthopnia...its the inability to breath laying on my back. guess what? I don't have it anymore.
apparently the drugs were causing respiratory distress!!!

I am greatful for that.
this last week, my hubby had a BREAKDOWN....I guess he was so worried about me during my c/t plus all the stress at work, he finally lost it...yeah, all cuz of me! He panicked!!!!!!!!!! and fell to pieces...

now we are both in a ********py mental place..I will get thru this...I just need more time.

I don't know how I feel about c/t.? Its just too much, even on your loved ones..

otherwise I am so-so...alive anyways which I am greatful

oh, and that morning stuff, feeling like ********, I know exactly how you guys feel....it sucks big time.
keep it up intelmetal......YOU can do this........have u cut back again?

[intelmetal]

Today is Monday, always a tough work day for me, so I will wait until tomorrow to drop my dose. I am either going to .37mgs or .25mgs, I will decide today. My new goal to finish up is August 4, 2009. I will start skipping days soon. It is a little scary, but I want this over with. I am glad you are feeling better !
IWANTOUT

to live my life and to be free !

[drugfreeme3]

I dont know if anyone will see this post now but I read all the posts to me. I am still on the 1mg and still having a crazy obsession with pills and wanting to use. I did contact a therapist and going to work on it. I do feel very alone. But not when I come on here. No one in my family gets it. I do talk about it with my man and he helps get me through the day(s). But why do I have all these cravings? obsessions? I want to get off the sub but Im scared ill go out and use. Oh this addiction is bad. Its an obsession. I am an obsessive addict. I am sure its the same for all but its getting worse. So I hope someone with some advise sees this post and can help me in some way to make it through this for the moment.

[RubyDean]

drugfreeme3, i know what you are going thru, i was stuck at 1mg for months! i have been on suboxone for 6 months, and around 4 months into it i was feeling major temptation to use. my dealer was leaving me notes, trying to get a hold of me, offering me deals, and all that junk. i needed to get thru that and fortunately i did. i went to and still go to a lot of NA meetings, and talk to my sponsor, and work steps. that helps me a lot. once i got thru some major thoughts of using and triggers, i started feeling good and knew i needed to taper for i was growing too reliant on the subs. i was suddenly feeling addicted all over again when my intention was to get clean. i started to taper and went down to .75mg, i bounced around there for weeks, falling off, getting back down, etc. Now I am at my third day at .50mg. This weekend I will go down to .25mg for a few days and start skipping days. I have them all pre-made, and just keep marking off my days on the calender. I don't have any left after this, and will not get any more. I made a promise to myself and my higher power. The end is near and it feels so good. When I got down to small amounts and did mess up and take more than I needed, I felt foggy and *high* and it was a terrible feeling in the mornings, almost like a hangover, or when I was using/abusing. Now I take it once a day, and never more than I have set out for my current dosage, and keep moving forward. It amazes me, a junky, how strong just a .5mg dose truly is. I know you can make it though this. Make a plan and stick to it. Taper down asap and don't look back. You can be done in a few weeks if you set your mind to it. Get to some meetings, there is no way I can do this alone, we need support and guidance. People we can confide in, like this forum! But for me I need people, face to face, man to man, and it helps. Keep us posted, and I know Robert and many others will help you like they have all along. All the will.

[drugfreeme3]

drugfreeme3, i know what you are going thru, i was stuck at 1mg for months! i have been on suboxone for 6 months, and around 4 months into it i was feeling major temptation to use. my dealer was leaving me notes, trying to get a hold of me, offering me deals, and all that junk. i needed to get thru that and fortunately i did. i went to and still go to a lot of NA meetings, and talk to my sponsor, and work steps. that helps me a lot. once i got thru some major thoughts of using and triggers, i started feeling good and knew i needed to taper for i was growing too reliant on the subs. i was suddenly feeling addicted all over again when my intention was to get clean. i started to taper and went down to .75mg, i bounced around there for weeks, falling off, getting back down, etc. Now I am at my third day at .50mg. This weekend I will go down to .25mg for a few days and start skipping days. I have them all pre-made, and just keep marking off my days on the calender. I don't have any left after this, and will not get any more. I made a promise to myself and my higher power. The end is near and it feels so good. When I got down to small amounts and did mess up and take more than I needed, I felt foggy and *high* and it was a terrible feeling in the mornings, almost like a hangover, or when I was using/abusing. Now I take it once a day, and never more than I have set out for my current dosage, and keep moving forward. It amazes me, a junky, how strong just a .5mg dose truly is. I know you can make it though this. Make a plan and stick to it. Taper down asap and don't look back. You can be done in a few weeks if you set your mind to it. Get to some meetings, there is no way I can do this alone, we need support and guidance. People we can confide in, like this forum! But for me I need people, face to face, man to man, and it helps. Keep us posted, and I know Robert and many others will help you like they have all along. All the will.

Thank you for the support. I really want to go to a meeting or two. I used to go before the methadone but they say its still using. Ive been in the rooms around here so many times I feel like they wont accept me almost like an outcast. I never take more than the 1mg a day but these cravings are crazy. I dont give into them I just want them to go away. I dont have access to anything, so that is a plus. But I am also tired of being dependant on something to make my body feel normal. Its been 12 years that Ive been taking a substance to function. I am tired of it. I have been tappering and refuse to look back bc Ive made so much progress. How can I get over my fear of going back to NA? How can I get over the fear of going off the suboxone? Thanks for the support its what I needed aand need.