[AshamedButStillTrying]

Well its day 6 and 5 hours (149 hrs total) and Im still holding on.. had to take a half of a valium last night because I let my mind get the best of me and got really upset and shakey and my heart was out of control.. But just letting everyone know Im still doing this and not giving up.. who would have ever thought after 24 years of NON-STOP use of opiates I would have 6 days clean.. just sucks really that I have no one here around me to root me on and tell me how proud they are because they already thought I had 10 plus years clean( good actor I would say but no more) anyways,.. I wont bother you all to much There are so many others who need your help,, just letting the ones know Im still doing it and not giving up.. God Bless

There is nothing for you to be ashamed of and plenty to be proud of. From my experience coming off of vicodin the first 3-5 days were the worst. It seems to me the very worst of this is behind you and you are well on your way to a new life. All I can say is stay strong and determined.
KEEP IT UP I AM ROOTING FOR YOU !!!

[icandoitin08]

I am so happy for you. Go back and read some of your first posts! You have come such a long way in the past few weeks.

I know what you mean about no one for support in the family. Mine thinks I have been clean for a year.

I finally came clean to my parents this past week. They are very unhapy with me. my mom whishes I would not have told her at all. I needed to though. My parents did say that they had some suspisions. Just little things they noticed. Maybe you should tell your family but that is 100% up to you. Being that they think you have been clean for 10 years it may be hard for them to understand why they did not find out sooner and it may create issues. Do you have one person you can confide in? Plus, I would not want to upset everyone just before Christmas, like I did!

Keep going you are doing great! No one said it would be easy. I really whish you would change your name for AShamed to something else! You have nothing to be ashamed about.

I am thinking about you and cheering you on! I may not post everyday but I really do think about you. I wish I had your e mail address... again, mine is stronger09@gmail.com

[SweetAndScared]

Originally Posted by AshamedButStillTrying

Well its day 6 and 5 hours (149 hrs total) and Im still holding on.. had to take a half of a valium last night because I let my mind get the best of me and got really upset and shakey and my heart was out of control.. But just letting everyone know Im still doing this and not giving up.. who would have ever thought after 24 years of NON-STOP use of opiates I would have 6 days clean.. just sucks really that I have no one here around me to root me on and tell me how proud they are because they already thought I had 10 plus years clean( good actor I would say but no more) anyways,.. I wont bother you all to much There are so many others who need your help,, just letting the ones know Im still doing it and not giving up.. God Bless

I am VERY proud of you!!!!! I cannot say that I went thru as long of a use of opiates as you did, but I have been on percocet 10/325 for coming up on 4 years, and have been struggling to quit for about 7 months. I do have a chronic, non-fixable pain condition, and I will probably have to take something for the rest of my life, HOWEVER... After almost 4 years, I lost control of my tolerance level, and having a VERY unhelpful Dr, he will NOT prescribe me the medication I need (Clonidine) to repair my tolerance. You see, I did have to repair my tolerance once before, about 1-2 years ago, and at the time had a different Dr. he prescribed a months worth of Clonidine, to be taken 3 times a day between my 3 doses of Percocet,. It helps ENORMOUSLY with the side effects of withdrawls- especially the anxiety, of which I also have as a severe chronic condition(treating it with Xanax, and its hereditary). Point is, I didn't have to take the Clonidine 3 times a day- it was so effective, and I was so determined to fix my tolerance, (being that I was running out of medication early EVERY month for 3 months, as I was taking 4.5 to 5 10mg percocet a dose). I only took 1(one) Clonidine in place of my mid-day percocet dose, and in the mornings and evenings, I would take 3 percocet at a time. I was still not quite there, BUT, I WAS taking the exact prescribed Daily amount. Like I said, I was prescribed 3 doses of the Percocet a day, but it was 2(Two) percocet10/325, 3x a day, therefor, 6 a day. So by taking the Clonidine in place of my mid-day dose, and taking 3 perc in the morning, and 3 perc in the evening, I was back down to 6 a day. I let my Dr know that, and he said that was fine, as long as I could skip the mid-day dose. Because this worked, and I felt the pain relief again, I only had to take the Clonidine for about a week, instead of a month, and once a day, not three times. Unfortunately, when I was back to a normal tolerance, I threw away the remaining Clonidine after a month or so of not taking it while cleaning out the medicine cabinet.
Now that I need it again after another 2 years-ish, my new Dr, AND the Urgent Care Dr are both not willing to prescribe it, and I'm struggling my little butt off to get back down to 6 a day again. I just CAN'T seem to open the bottle and take any less, when I know how much pain I'll be in if I don't take 4.5 to 5. (Yes, I'm back up to that point again- it's a pretty severe neck injury.) But this time, I purposely fired my Dr for ignoring my cries for help, and now have only about 12 of my percocet left, and have no choice. So, I'm at a point where I can't decide whether it's better to just finish them off by taking the same high dose and then go cold turkey and get it over with ASAP, or to slowly taper the last few down to the last tiny dose, which will prolong the suffering, but slightly help my body get used to smaller doses. Tapering is almost as painful as cold turkey, only it lasts longer, heh. I do have the help of my Xanax, but as it is, it barely takes the edge off of my anxiety enough for me to be somewhat comfortable and functionable. (2mg dosage, 3x a day- HIGH dose.) So, I'm not sure how well it'll help me in this process....
The reason your post caught my attention is because I also have no one supporting me. I'm 29 years old, and my family has NO idea how many I have to take per dose to help the neck pain. Neither do my friends (exept a select few), and my friends are all very busy, as I usually am, so they aren't able to be so supportive even if they all DID know. I run my own business, and I fear that if I don't do this, I will lose my company. So, I am on my own to go thru this pain, illness, anxiety, and also the depression of even having to deal with it in the 1st place. I just don't know how to go about this- especially with so few of my meds left...
How did you do it? (if you don't mind my asking, of course!) Did you wean down, then off, or did you just stop cold turkey?
Hope to hear from you, and I hope the best for you as well! You ROCK for doing this on your own after so long!! I'm rooting you on!
-S&S

[AshamedButStillTrying]

I know what you are going through.. If at any way you could just not take 3 at a time or even 2 at a time.. try 1 at a time and maybe add advil with it or aleve would help.. and try to only take 3 a day.. add the xanax if you have to.. Im not by any means an expert on this but I do have many years of abuse under my belt so to speak.. I also got at walmart valerian root and took 3 and 4 at a time to help some.. take alot of hot baths.( I looked like a prune for the 1st 4 days but hey it helped.. I wish I could tell someone but I couldnt handle the shame in their eyes if I did tell them.. also get you some leg cramp medicine with quinine in it because your legs will feel like they are going to jump off your body..also what I did when i cut back since alot of this is in our minds and we Think we have to have more is when I would take only 5 mg at a time I would tell myself its a 10 and hope I felt it just to have some relief.. it took about 3 days to even know I took anything then it actually did help.. You may have to take off work a few days to get through all this if you are wanting to quit because it wont be easy.. also get you some immoduim as it will be your friend.. get energy drinks and vitamins... find some movies and watch them for the first few days but at least try to get up and walk around the house a few times a day and as the days go by add to it.. excercise is a key .. and keep telling yourself you cant keep living like this and talk to yourself... convince yourself.. I did and I didnt care if people thought I was crazy ( Im 46 so they think ya crazy at that age anyways..) Im no where over this but I cut down for about 3 weeks at 40-60 mg and then went drastically down to like 15 mg for 2 days and tossed the rest as I was so tired of depending on the pills to even make me want to move and then I went cold turkey and have made it 6 days for the 1st time in 24 yrs with nothing and I was using 160-200 mg a day of hydrocodone...and going broke as I would get my from dealers I guess you would say and thank God I never got caught..and yes I also had scripts for them and at 200 mg a day they never lasted.. but If there is anything I can help you with please post to me.. I check this forum everyday a few times a day.. I hope what I told you helps.. if not.. ask away and Ill try to help some more..God Bless..

[icandoitin08]

Originally Posted by SweetAndScared

I am VERY proud of you!!!!! I cannot say that I went thru as long of a use of opiates as you did, but I have been on percocet 10/325 for coming up on 4 years, and have been struggling to quit for about 7 months. I do have a chronic, non-fixable pain condition, and I will probably have to take something for the rest of my life, HOWEVER... After almost 4 years, I lost control of my tolerance level, and having a VERY unhelpful Dr, he will NOT prescribe me the medication I need (Clonidine) to repair my tolerance. You see, I did have to repair my tolerance once before, about 1-2 years ago, and at the time had a different Dr. he prescribed a months worth of Clonidine, to be taken 3 times a day between my 3 doses of Percocet,. It helps ENORMOUSLY with the side effects of withdrawls- especially the anxiety, of which I also have as a severe chronic condition(treating it with Xanax, and its hereditary). Point is, I didn't have to take the Clonidine 3 times a day- it was so effective, and I was so determined to fix my tolerance, (being that I was running out of medication early EVERY month for 3 months, as I was taking 4.5 to 5 10mg percocet a dose). I only took 1(one) Clonidine in place of my mid-day percocet dose, and in the mornings and evenings, I would take 3 percocet at a time. I was still not quite there, BUT, I WAS taking the exact prescribed Daily amount. Like I said, I was prescribed 3 doses of the Percocet a day, but it was 2(Two) percocet10/325, 3x a day, therefor, 6 a day. So by taking the Clonidine in place of my mid-day dose, and taking 3 perc in the morning, and 3 perc in the evening, I was back down to 6 a day. I let my Dr know that, and he said that was fine, as long as I could skip the mid-day dose. Because this worked, and I felt the pain relief again, I only had to take the Clonidine for about a week, instead of a month, and once a day, not three times. Unfortunately, when I was back to a normal tolerance, I threw away the remaining Clonidine after a month or so of not taking it while cleaning out the medicine cabinet.
Now that I need it again after another 2 years-ish, my new Dr, AND the Urgent Care Dr are both not willing to prescribe it, and I'm struggling my little butt off to get back down to 6 a day again. I just CAN'T seem to open the bottle and take any less, when I know how much pain I'll be in if I don't take 4.5 to 5. (Yes, I'm back up to that point again- it's a pretty severe neck injury.) But this time, I purposely fired my Dr for ignoring my cries for help, and now have only about 12 of my percocet left, and have no choice. So, I'm at a point where I can't decide whether it's better to just finish them off by taking the same high dose and then go cold turkey and get it over with ASAP, or to slowly taper the last few down to the last tiny dose, which will prolong the suffering, but slightly help my body get used to smaller doses. Tapering is almost as painful as cold turkey, only it lasts longer, heh. I do have the help of my Xanax, but as it is, it barely takes the edge off of my anxiety enough for me to be somewhat comfortable and functionable. (2mg dosage, 3x a day- HIGH dose.) So, I'm not sure how well it'll help me in this process....
The reason your post caught my attention is because I also have no one supporting me. I'm 29 years old, and my family has NO idea how many I have to take per dose to help the neck pain. Neither do my friends (exept a select few), and my friends are all very busy, as I usually am, so they aren't able to be so supportive even if they all DID know. I run my own business, and I fear that if I don't do this, I will lose my company. So, I am on my own to go thru this pain, illness, anxiety, and also the depression of even having to deal with it in the 1st place. I just don't know how to go about this- especially with so few of my meds left...
How did you do it? (if you don't mind my asking, of course!) Did you wean down, then off, or did you just stop cold turkey?
Hope to hear from you, and I hope the best for you as well! You ROCK for doing this on your own after so long!! I'm rooting you on!
-S&S

You do know that clonodine is used to treat hypertension as well as addiction, dont you? Is your blood pressure stable? If it is low then I can see why the dr would not want to give you any as it may do more harm than good. If I were you I would go back to the dr that helped you the first time with clonodine two years ago. I am sure he could help you again. Is your pain so severe that you need to take meds daily? If so the dr could change around some of your medications. Is their any kind of procedure that can be done to fix your neck? You are so young, I hate to see you taking pain medication from here on out. The longer we take pain killers the less our bodies produce the chemicals that help us control pain naturally. I do believe this because I had several fractures in my back with two compressions and I will tell you that I used pain pills for pleasure not pain. My back never bothered me more than when I was taking pain pills! It hurt all the time. Since going off the pain meds my back pain fine and if not, I take a motrin. I am glad you shared with us, please keep us updated

[Junkie781]

Originally Posted by AshamedButStillTrying

Well its day 6 and 5 hours (149 hrs total) and Im still holding on.. had to take a half of a valium last night because I let my mind get the best of me and got really upset and shakey and my heart was out of control.. But just letting everyone know Im still doing this and not giving up.. who would have ever thought after 24 years of NON-STOP use of opiates I would have 6 days clean.. just sucks really that I have no one here around me to root me on and tell me how proud they are because they already thought I had 10 plus years clean( good actor I would say but no more) anyways,.. I wont bother you all to much There are so many others who need your help,, just letting the ones know Im still doing it and not giving up.. God Bless

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am in awe of your strength and determination!

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by AshamedButStillTrying

Well its day 6 and 5 hours (149 hrs total) and Im still holding on.. had to take a half of a valium last night because I let my mind get the best of me and got really upset and shakey and my heart was out of control.. But just letting everyone know Im still doing this and not giving up.. who would have ever thought after 24 years of NON-STOP use of opiates I would have 6 days clean.. just sucks really that I have no one here around me to root me on and tell me how proud they are because they already thought I had 10 plus years clean( good actor I would say but no more) anyways,.. I wont bother you all to much There are so many others who need your help,, just letting the ones know Im still doing it and not giving up.. God Bless

Hi Ashamed
Do you not know how important you are to us...Oh man...
You have done so well and we are so proud of you...
But,I really hope you are proud of yourself.
you have made a new life for yourself.
Job well done...
Talk to you soon,Melinda