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Prices of Suboxone and More...I am just so angry.
  1. #1
    David05 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Prices of Suboxone and More...I am just so angry.

    My insurance company is just giving me hell right now which I do not want to go into because we might get legal with it...

    But anyhow...how much are you guys paying for yours subs?

    WITH my insurance for example...I got 4 subs tonight for $24.85 or something...like $6.21 PER!

    - I work part time, am graduating in december with about a 3.3, and this stress is KILLING me.

    Are there any programs out there that can help me? I am under my mothers insurance and we have an EXTREMELY high deductable. And since my dad committed suicide last year we did not collect life insurance, and his old insurance would cover my scripts! (I still am so mad at that bastard, he he such a good life and 2 good kids)

    If I got my whole script filled it would have been $628.90, and I am in college..my dad just killed him self last january...I F'ed up and got hooked on Roxys because I had a dirty doctor near by and it was so easy to get them CHEAP.

    Now I am paying SO much for my subs...$300 just to see my doctor then $600+ for my script!?!? This is insane!!!!

    THE STRESS OF ALL THIS JUST MAKES ME WANT TO RELAPSE!!! I HATE THIS! Everytime I go into the pharmacy or talk to my insurance company they treat me like I am some unintelligent piece of garbage..because I was a drug addict for 6 months after my dad died. This world is stuffed up. I just want someone to help me.

    This is ruining my life because all the money I make goes into paying for these pills! I never take my gf out anymore...I just want my life back and everyone is holding me back by making it so hard to get my prescription filled.
    Last edited by ddcmod; 10-23-2010 at 11:32 PM.

  2. #2
    Cats Meow is offline Diamond Member
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    Cold turkey is free. You might want to figure what you use to pay street price for drugs, a daily tab of Sub is probably a whole lot cheaper, and remember a little goes a long way, but that depends where you were inducted at.
    You're right though, it is way way over priced.

  3. #3
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    I induct people all the time on 2-4mg. The average price nationwide for 8mg sub is about $8. So that is $2-$4 per day. Not very expensive if done the right way. People who are taking ridiculous doses pay out the nose. It's all about doing it the right way. God bless.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  4. #4
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hi David,

    Suboxone is a relatively new medication. When I got clean, it didn't exist. Millions of folks, like myself, got clean "cold turkey" - without medication. It can be done, if you want it badly enough. It just isn't "easy" - and, as addicts, we want easy - we want a quick fix that will return us to "normal lives"!

    Robert is extremely knowledgeable about Suboxone; if you choose that route for recovery, he can be a valuable resource to get you through it. It sounds like you're on an excessive dose, which is increasing the cost tremendously.

    Whether you used for 6 months or for 6 years, addiction is addiction. I don't know if you think that "only" 6 months use should enable you to have a quicker recovery...? It doesn't work that way.

    You sound very angry - and resentful - about a number of things in your life, which I understand. But you need to know that unaddressed anger is quite likely to lead you back to a pill. Blaming and rage won't change the situation you are in - it is what it is. It may not seem "fair," but life isn't fair.

    Personally, I had a lot of issues to contend with when I got clean -- and I found most of that help by working the 12-steps of recovery through NA or AA. I also went to one-on-one counseling. AA and NA are free - no charge. It will cost you nothing, and help you in ways you can't imagine. I strongly urge you to check out some meetings...

    God bless you in your journey...
    Ruth

  5. #5
    RubyDean is offline Member
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    David, SIX DOLLARS and 21 pennies, is a heck of a deal for a pill that can esentially last you 4 days...I don't know how much you are taking, but from what I gathered your habit is relatively small, meaning that you could and should have been inducted at a low dose.
    I can't agree with Ruth more, and bless her heart, you need to try to relax and deal with this issues at hand, you can have more than enough subs to get you through your school work, and I know all about the stress and making the grade. Once you get your dose lower those 4 pills can last you a while, and then when needed go get 4 more...For the past few months ONE pill was lasting me weeks...take a moment and look at your situation, and make a plan. Each day is a gift, and be thankful you have these choices, and support, advise, all that. Every man thinks his burden is the heaviest when he starts recovery. It is not the case my friend. My advise would be to check out a meeting, give it a try. You have nothing to lose. All the will.

  6. #6
    wendyyyy is offline New Member
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    [deleted - swearing]
    Last edited by ddcmod; 10-23-2010 at 11:32 PM.

  7. #7
    Anonymous Guest

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    jeeez wendy,
    algudz that you sat on 8mg for 3 years.
    lets see how positive you feel after tryin to get off.
    how ya gonna do it. taper down. jump.
    lemme know this wonderful plan of yours.
    i think also you shouldnt be tellin anyone that THEIR life aint so bad as yours, coz you aint been in their shoes, also that post is over a year old
    so hope the guy made it, or got on less or whatever
    but you come across just as angry as him

    i used for over 20 years actually, and i still wouldnt minimize others habits.
    so get on with your own life and stop dissing people on here.

  8. #8
    Gen4 is offline New Member
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    Default Cold Turkey

    Quote Originally Posted by Cats Meow View Post
    Cold turkey is free. You might want to figure what you use to pay street price for drugs, a daily tab of Sub is probably a whole lot cheaper, and remember a little goes a long way, but that depends where you were inducted at.
    You're right though, it is way way over priced.

    "Cold Turkey" could also kill you!! Or at least put you in the hospital! Obviously you don't know a whole lot about Suboxone, so maybe you shouldn't give advice! It's easy for people to give advice when they haven't been in the same situation. Physical addiction is way more severe than mental addiction and "Cold Turkey" is not only impossible, but it's extremely dangerous! You should let the Addiction Experts answer these kinds of questions!

    Bottom line is, they (drug companies and doctors) do take advantage of "Addicts" because they know that they have to have their medicine and will do anything to get it! It's quite sad actually! People are trying to clean up and get their lives back together but the drug companies make it damn near impossible because of their outrageous prices. And they wonder why pharmacies get robbed all the time... They're taking advantage of the weak and that is wrong!

    Just start weaning off of your medicine a little bit at a time. You could also ask your doctor for something to soothe your anxiety, help you sleep, and something for the muscle aches. There are things to take to help with the withdrawal symptoms. Just make sure it's temporary! Good luck to you and God Bless!! You can do it!!

  9. #9
    icandothis is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gen4 View Post
    "Cold Turkey" could also kill you!! Or at least put you in the hospital! Obviously you don't know a whole lot about Suboxone, so maybe you shouldn't give advice! It's easy for people to give advice when they haven't been in the same situation. Physical addiction is way more severe than mental addiction and "Cold Turkey" is not only impossible, but it's extremely dangerous! You should let the Addiction Experts answer these kinds of questions!

    Bottom line is, they (drug companies and doctors) do take advantage of "Addicts" because they know that they have to have their medicine and will do anything to get it! It's quite sad actually! People are trying to clean up and get their lives back together but the drug companies make it damn near impossible because of their outrageous prices. And they wonder why pharmacies get robbed all the time... They're taking advantage of the weak and that is wrong!

    Just start weaning off of your medicine a little bit at a time. You could also ask your doctor for something to soothe your anxiety, help you sleep, and something for the muscle aches. There are things to take to help with the withdrawal symptoms. Just make sure it's temporary! Good luck to you and God Bless!! You can do it!!
    i dont know where you get your info but opiate withdrawal CAN NOT kill you...

  10. #10
    yezdegerd is offline Senior Member
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    this thread is over a year old why do people other than the original posters keep bringing these up? And the real answer to this thread as of this year is find a doctor who will give you subutex which comes in a generic, 1/4th the price and SO MUCH BETTER THAN SUBOXONE

  11. #11
    BCboy is offline New Member
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    Default hi

    Quote Originally Posted by Gen4 View Post
    "Cold Turkey" could also kill you!! Or at least put you in the hospital! Obviously you don't know a whole lot about Suboxone, so maybe you shouldn't give advice! It's easy for people to give advice when they haven't been in the same situation. Physical addiction is way more severe than mental addiction and "Cold Turkey" is not only impossible, but it's extremely dangerous! You should let the Addiction Experts answer these kinds of questions!

    Bottom line is, they (drug companies and doctors) do take advantage of "Addicts" because they know that they have to have their medicine and will do anything to get it! It's quite sad actually! People are trying to clean up and get their lives back together but the drug companies make it damn near impossible because of their outrageous prices. And they wonder why pharmacies get robbed all the time... They're taking advantage of the weak and that is wrong!

    Just start weaning off of your medicine a little bit at a time. You could also ask your doctor for something to soothe your anxiety, help you sleep, and something for the muscle aches. There are things to take to help with the withdrawal symptoms. Just make sure it's temporary! Good luck to you and God Bless!! You can do it!!
    NO cold turkey opiate w/d CANNOT kill u,but yes u may feel like ur dieing

  12. #12
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gen4 View Post
    "Cold Turkey" could also kill you!! Or at least put you in the hospital! Obviously you don't know a whole lot about Suboxone, so maybe you shouldn't give advice! It's easy for people to give advice when they haven't been in the same situation. Physical addiction is way more severe than mental addiction and "Cold Turkey" is not only impossible, but it's extremely dangerous! You should let the Addiction Experts answer these kinds of questions!

    Bottom line is, they (drug companies and doctors) do take advantage of "Addicts" because they know that they have to have their medicine and will do anything to get it! It's quite sad actually! People are trying to clean up and get their lives back together but the drug companies make it damn near impossible because of their outrageous prices. And they wonder why pharmacies get robbed all the time... They're taking advantage of the weak and that is wrong!

    Just start weaning off of your medicine a little bit at a time. You could also ask your doctor for something to soothe your anxiety, help you sleep, and something for the muscle aches. There are things to take to help with the withdrawal symptoms. Just make sure it's temporary! Good luck to you and God Bless!! You can do it!!
    Yes, this thread is old - but given the recent post, I'll respond. No, opiate withdrawal is not likely to kill you. Folks have been detoxing cold turkey off opiates for years; I did so, myself. The detoxes that are more likely to be fatal are detoxes off from benzodiazepenes or alcohol, where seizures may occur.

    Suboxone is a fairly new drug to the market. When a new drug is introduced to the market, the drug company has a patent on the drug - and the prices are generally very high. This is the drug companies' way of regaining the cost of the research and development of the drug. After a few years, the patent expires, then other companies can produce the drug - and generics may be available. That's when the price generally comes down to something more reasonable.

    It isn't some big conspiracy by the drug companies to screw the addict.

    Although it sounds very costly, when you compare $ 6 a pill (or less, as Robert stated), it's a far cry from the cost of street drugs to maintain your addiction. And it's there to help, not hurt. But there's no reason that it's a necessity.

    God bless,
    Ruth

  13. #13
    sisterwin2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ARTIST658 View Post
    Yes, this thread is old - but given the recent post, I'll respond. No, opiate withdrawal is not likely to kill you. Folks have been detoxing cold turkey off opiates for years; I did so, myself. The detoxes that are more likely to be fatal are detoxes off from benzodiazepenes or alcohol, where seizures may occur.

    Suboxone is a fairly new drug to the market. When a new drug is introduced to the market, the drug company has a patent on the drug - and the prices are generally very high. This is the drug companies' way of regaining the cost of the research and development of the drug. After a few years, the patent expires, then other companies can produce the drug - and generics may be available. That's when the price generally comes down to something more reasonable.

    It isn't some big conspiracy by the drug companies to screw the addict.

    Although it sounds very costly, when you compare $ 6 a pill (or less, as Robert stated), it's a far cry from the cost of street drugs to maintain your addiction. And it's there to help, not hurt. But there's no reason that it's a necessity.

    God bless,
    Ruth
    but yet....still on opiats

  14. #14
    RoseBudd5512 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gen4 View Post
    "Cold Turkey" could also kill you!! Or at least put you in the hospital! Obviously you don't know a whole lot about Suboxone, so maybe you shouldn't give advice! It's easy for people to give advice when they haven't been in the same situation. Physical addiction is way more severe than mental addiction and "Cold Turkey" is not only impossible, but it's extremely dangerous! You should let the Addiction Experts answer these kinds of questions!

    Bottom line is, they (drug companies and doctors) do take advantage of "Addicts" because they know that they have to have their medicine and will do anything to get it! It's quite sad actually! People are trying to clean up and get their lives back together but the drug companies make it damn near impossible because of their outrageous prices. And they wonder why pharmacies get robbed all the time... They're taking advantage of the weak and that is wrong!

    Just start weaning off of your medicine a little bit at a time. You could also ask your doctor for something to soothe your anxiety, help you sleep, and something for the muscle aches. There are things to take to help with the withdrawal symptoms. Just make sure it's temporary! Good luck to you and God Bless!! You can do it!!
    cold turkey could kill someone, if one were withdrawing off >>>>>> and alcohol. my husband was and he had a stroke and was in the the ICU for 2 weeks and then a nursing home for 3 weeks. it was 4 weeks into his stay away that he realized that he'd had a stroke and that he wasn't home. i have known other users that drink alcohol while doing drugs, and then have a seizure while withdrawing.
    Please be careful if doing it cold turkey.

  15. #15
    HoneyLady is offline New Member
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    Default prices for suboxone

    i am not sure if it will help you, but i do not have insurance, so i found not-private hospital with pharmacy in , and told them about my problem, they are covering my medication with only $2 co-pay for monthly supply........i do not know where you live, but i am in brooklyn and we have a few hospitals with programs for low income people.. i were reading comments on your problem and if anybody is telling you need once in 4 days - do not listen them its treatment, not a competition of how long you will feel it or stays in your body. Did you used >>>>>> (whatever you drug of choice) once in 4 days? no..
    i am on suboxone 5 years, and taking exactly as doctor proscribed me... (3 times in day), i am not going to write my what i went through, dosage, etc.... people i know who took a suboxone, and made they own schedule, didn't stay clean more then 3 months.. and they are called me a "crazy" one... you need to understand suboxone isn't not a drug: its a medication! as soon you understand this, you will know exactly what i am talking about..

    Quote Originally Posted by David05 View Post
    My insurance company is just giving me hell right now which I do not want to go into because we might get legal with it...

    But anyhow...how much are you guys paying for yours subs?

    WITH my insurance for example...I got 4 subs tonight for $24.85 or something...like $6.21 PER!

    - I work part time, am graduating in december with about a 3.3, and this stress is KILLING me.

    Are there any programs out there that can help me? I am under my mothers insurance and we have an EXTREMELY high deductable. And since my dad committed suicide last year we did not collect life insurance, and his old insurance would cover my scripts! (I still am so mad at that bastard, he he such a good life and 2 good kids)

    If I got my whole script filled it would have been $628.90, and I am in college..my dad just killed him self last january...I F'ed up and got hooked on Roxys because I had a dirty doctor near by and it was so easy to get them CHEAP.

    Now I am paying SO much for my subs...$300 just to see my doctor then $600+ for my script!?!? This is insane!!!!

    THE STRESS OF ALL THIS JUST MAKES ME WANT TO RELAPSE!!! I HATE THIS! Everytime I go into the pharmacy or talk to my insurance company they treat me like I am some unintelligent piece of garbage..because I was a drug addict for 6 months after my dad died. This world is stuffed up. I just want someone to help me.

    This is ruining my life because all the money I make goes into paying for these pills! I never take my gf out anymore...I just want my life back and everyone is holding me back by making it so hard to get my prescription filled.

  16. #16
    iloerose is online now Platinum Member
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    Honeylady: It's great that you are providing information for people that want to detox using suboxone and have no insurance. First of all the post you are replying to is an older post. Second, and most important, is that suboxone IS AN OPIATE type drug. It is very useful for people who want to get CLEAN from all drugs. Otherwise, five years of use? you are just trading one addiction for another. Suboxone IS ADDICTING. I'm not in a position to tell anyone what to do. But look up the definition of medication before you post on a board for people trying to get clean and telling addicts that it's o.k. to use subs indefinitely. Just because a doc. prescribes it, doesn't mean that you cannot become addicted to it, just like methadone. It is a tool to help people with drug addiction to get CLEAN.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    ARTIST658 likes this.

  17. #17
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Honeylady,

    Just concuring with Rose on this situation... but this kind of physician makes my blood boil, and I feel compelled to reiterate Rose's message.

    Suboxone is an OPIATE, and it is powerfully addictive. It is not intended for long-term use, when taken as an opiate-replacement therapy. It is intended as a short-term measure to reduce the withdrawal side effects from the original opiate of addiction.

    No one needs 5 years of suboxone therapy to stop their opiate addiction. All that has been done is to substitute suboxone as your drug of choice. After 5 years, you are clearly addicted to it.

    Sadly, MOST doctors do not have any extended education on suboxone therapy; they attend a brief seminar and start writing scripts. Your doctor is NOT utilizing suboxone properly.

    You need to educate yourself on suboxone - for your own sake - and before you pass on advice to others.


    You will know the truth - and only the truth can set you free.

  18. #18
    creatineboy01 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoseBudd5512 View Post
    cold turkey could kill someone, if one were withdrawing off >>>>>> and alcohol. my husband was and he had a stroke and was in the the ICU for 2 weeks and then a nursing home for 3 weeks. it was 4 weeks into his stay away that he realized that he'd had a stroke and that he wasn't home. i have known other users that drink alcohol while doing drugs, and then have a seizure while withdrawing.
    Please be careful if doing it cold turkey.
    cold turkey off opiates can not kill you.
    alcohol withdrawal can.

  19. #19
    MetalDuckMFC is offline Senior Member
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    Congratulations!! You made a post for a thread, and you were only a year late! It must tale forever to make a 1 sentence post on a dead thread, after 20 people had said the same thing.

    You must be some kind of sorcerer of the highest caliber. Your ability to kick dead horses asses is astonishing. Probably never saw it coming, did he? Are you a super hero whose powers involved the rare ability to raise a thread from the grave a year ago just so you can reiterate other peoples' answers. It isn't true until you pop in years later to assure us that they were, indeed correct.

    You, sir, are nothing short of a hero. Thank you for all your ,invaluable knowledge.

  20. #20
    MetalDuckMFC is offline Senior Member
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    I don't want to scare you, or anything, but I think you might be Jesus... Performing miracles here.

  21. #21
    winged eagle is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by MetalDuckMFC View Post
    Congratulations!! You made a post for a thread, and you were only a year late! It must tale forever to make a 1 sentence post on a dead thread, after 20 people had said the same thing.

    You must be some kind of sorcerer of the highest caliber. Your ability to kick dead horses asses is astonishing. Probably never saw it coming, did he? Are you a super hero whose powers involved the rare ability to raise a thread from the grave a year ago just so you can reiterate other peoples' answers. It isn't true until you pop in years later to assure us that they were, indeed correct.

    You, sir, are nothing short of a hero. Thank you for all your ,invaluable knowledge.
    Ok. Funny
    But, Bobby, you sound angry.
    We've known each other long enough, so I feel comfortable telling you this: your posts the past few days have been on the mean side. Don't get me wrong, your advice is mostly sound, but your tone..
    I know you're going through an uber-difficult time right now, but I was wondering if you were aware of how you're coming across.
    You're a sweet guy, we all know that.
    But I think it's time you addressed some of that anger..
    Hope you take the above in the spirit it was intended :-)
    We cool?

  22. #22
    MetalDuckMFC is offline Senior Member
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    No, I'm not angry at all. I was just making a little bit of a joke. I don't understand why people ressurect posts from the dead, but I'm not mad at all.

    I hope people aren't taking my posts like that. It really isn't how I'm trying to come off. If anybody else is taking it that way, I'd hope they told me so that I could try and correct my "tone". Obviously, tone through walls of texts can be difficult to judge. I promise, anything I've said wasn't about anger. Well, some of the posts in my own thread are, but that's where I vent. I try to give the best help I can everywhere else.

  23. #23
    winged eagle is offline Advanced Member
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    Bobby, you DO help, and immensely at that. You're extremely supportive, and I think the majority would agree with me on that :-)
    I find resurrected threads odd too, but I'll bet you anything the poster doesn't realize they're replying to an old thread, the dates just don't pop out.

    Anyway, you're right about how easily "tone" can be misunderstood via writing, but I was actually comparing your style to.. Your style. Previous posts were just as helpful, just as insightful, but less... Sad, maybe? Downs in the dumps kinda.

    You know we're here for you, so vent away, if need be :-)
    cheeky likes this.

  24. #24
    MetalDuckMFC is offline Senior Member
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    Alright, fair enough. Yeah, I understand what you're saying. For the most part, I am improving, but I'm still having down in the dump moments here and there. I think I probably post more then to get out of my own head. Focusing on helping others does that, as well as putting my own problems in perspective.

    That probably accounts for the tone changes.

  25. #25
    MetalDuckMFC is offline Senior Member
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    I'll make the effort to try not to let my own mood get in the way I go about here. I just read through a few of my posts, and I see how it may come off to some people. I am only trying to help, but I'm still in a rough place myself. Only after 6 months clean was I ready to actually recover. I'm hoping others won't make the mistakes that I did. Like avoiding NA, and then not doing the work when I finally went. I'm 100% clean, but that's only because I traded opiates for my girlfriend, and pursued it just as obsessively as I did the drugs. Of course my world comes crashing down when she leaves me. I didn't prepare myself for a happy life. I should have spent all that time recovering so that a break up wouldn't leave me on the edge of a very painful, stupid decision. I had the tank of helium, the bag, and everything under my bed. I was "ready" to do that. Which terrifies me... Only by the grace of God did something trigger in my head telling me to post, as a last effort to save my own life. When I did, I wasn't expecting it to change my mind. Really wasn't. I can't believe how much better I am after a single week. Once I took everyone's advice, I have made substantial steps in the right direction. You guys honestly saved my life. I want to prevent this from happening. I push NA so hard on everyone now because I know they can save a lot of time, and trouble if they'd just get with the program. It could save their lives. I'm struggling just to be an adult, and I don't like it. I don't know how to make good decisions, clearly. I'm mentally (and physically) still a teenager, and I want to grow up. I don't want to be me anymore. I want a life in which my happiness isn't decided by a drug, or a girl. Ever if I love the girl with all of my heart. I have a long way to go. I know that, if she were to walk through that front door, I wouldn't hesitate to take her back in open arms. Even without an apology. She was my drug... And its hurt so much to lose that. I had already lost everything. Parents, all family, all "friends", etc. I thought she would be the constant in my life. She did promise that to me every day for 3 years, after all. Now she wouldn't bother to call an ambulance if she saw me in the middle of the road after being hit by a car. She'd drive away, without a second thought. I'd kill for her. I would. She just vanishes, like everybody else has. I'm hurt, not angry. I haven't been able to say a bad thing to or about her, and all she does is boast about cheating on me while I was in tears in bed, alone, on my birthday. She randomly let's me know that I am a pathetic, junkie piece of ????. Whenever I told her I was a worthless junkie, she would defend me 100% She clearly agreed with me, and I think that was the worst part. She made me apkind of believe I was decent enough for her, even though j knew I wasn't. Her opinion of me was the only positive opinion anyone had for me. I believed it.

    Rambling on a dead thread.... Sorry to ran,pt, yet again. I'm going to a meeting later today with the baby and my uncle, then I'm meeting with a therapist. I don't know if I should let him know exactly how close I was to.... "That". I want help, but I'm afraid that it would get me admitted to a mental health facility.

  26. #26
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Dear Bobby,

    Right now, you need to put as much effort as you possibly can into a daily program of recovery. That means attending a meeting every day. That means connecting with a sponsor - and talking to him every day. That means reading recovery literature, and journalling your thoughts and feelings. Share these things with your sponsor. Your therapist will NOT have you admitted to a hospital for admitting you HAD been suicidal. You are not suicidal now. Admission is done when the client is currently at risk, not when they had a bad spell and are working to come back from it. You can only gain as much in therapy as you put into it. If you hold back any truths, you will not get the best results. A counselor or therapist can only help you by knowing everything they need to know. They are not judging you. You are not the 'worst' or 'sickest' they've seen, I promise. The more open, honest and willing you are with your therapist - and your sponsor - the more peace of mind you will find.

    Focus on you. I know you are eager to help others - like on this forum - but your ability to help is limited by the depth of your own recovery. In NA, the step about sharing with and helping others comes last - the 12th step. The steps are intended to be done in order; you need to take care of you and address your own issues, BEFORE you take care of others. That is why your own "stuff" may sneak into your posts here.

    I'm not telling you not to share here. Your help here is wonderful, and your message is a good one. But so much about recovery is finding "BALANCE." As addicts, we naturally go to such extremes in everything we do. That's what happened with your girlfriend; she became more important than your recovery program. That could be what's happening here, in DDC - it's so much easier to focus on helping others, on hearing their problems and offering them solutions - than it is to deal with our own "stuff." But we have to do the tough part - the legwork - of trudging through the stuff that underlies our addictions... before we have the resources to give to others.

    In time, it will become easier to let go of the heartache you carry from your ex. You'll come to see her - and see that relationship - with more clarity. When we were active in our addictions, we stayed stuck in those feelings - and used over them, which just kept the pain going. And, never having resolved any of our underlying issues, we repeated the same patterns in the next relationship. Heartache followed us at every turn. In recovery, we are able to work through it - and grow stronger from it. Self-esteem WILL come... self-respect WILL come... and a positive, loving relationship WILL come - as we take the steps toward becoming the person we always wanted to be. It's all ahead for you, I pray you trust the process.

    You will get as much out of your recovery as you put into it. Promise.

    God bless,
    Ruth
    LovesAnimals and winged eagle like this.

    You will know the truth - and only the truth can set you free.

  27. #27
    MetalDuckMFC is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Reno, NV
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    614

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    Thank you, Ruth. I appreciate that. My dear with therapists comes from my last therapist telling the aunt I lived with in high school everything I said. My aunt (Beth, not the current one, Debbie) is married to a very respected man in the community. Constantly on the news. He owns family counsel service of northern Nevada. He s very dirty, and unethical, so now I am reserved about therapists. I've scheduled with a few ones in the last year, but had to leave them because they were good friends with that uncle. My therapist was his employee. He had her telling him everything I said so that he can tell my aunt. I know that because she always knew stuff I never spoke about. The uncle himself was my life long friend's therapist. And he'd do the same. It's difficult feeling safe now. I know that I shouldn't judge all therapists because one was bad, but I have to check and make sure they aren't connected. Three times, they have been.

    Beth and I haven't been on speaking terms since I dropped out in my junior year a week after my mom died. She was supposed to get me through high school, etc. Called me her son, and treated me like family. Her daughter called me her brother. Turns out I wasn't true family. One small argument during a really difficult Tims put me on the streets, and the blacklist of the entire family except for Debbie (who doesn't like Beth, and hasn't spoken to her in 10 years). I was sleeping at an elemnetary school literally in eyesight of her house. I called her a few times, hungry. I didn't always have a place to go to. I was always terrified, and really hurt that, because of one little argument, I was less than trash to them. I had excellent grades. I worked full time, paid my own ????. I got caught drinking on the weekends sometimes, but that wasn't a real problem. My cousin, after all, was a full blown drunk before graduating. I partied once a week. They knew where I was. Nobody called. Nobody checked up on me. Not once. Beth keeps tabs on me, though. I know that. She always knows anything that happens. People lie to her, and she thinks that Debbie stole Amanda's baby, and that I was banging >>>>>>e on the daily. I don't want that woman knowing a thing about me. So I found a therapist that doesn't seem to be connected to my family in anyway, and I WILL give it everything I have. I need this, badly. That was a huge wakeup call for me. I know that I need to recover, or I could very well be dead. You were always right. Just because I stopped taking narcotics I am not recovered at all. I never really did the work, or learned a thing in 6 months. I'm struggling to catch up to my age, but I'll keep pushing forward.

    I was doing 4-5 meetings a week for 4 months. Then it was only 2 a week. I stopped entirely when Taylor left. I barely left my room at all for the first few weeks. I started going back last week, when I can back here. Since then, I have hit every day except for Wednesday (I think

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