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POST YOUR HOURS, minutes, or DAYS
  1. #1
    fkunorko is offline Member
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    Default POST YOUR HOURS, minutes, or DAYS

    Anybody close to completely quitting an addiction? Or trying but failing within countable hours?

    Anybody want to join me in continually posting their HOURS or DAYS since their last use? (or sometimes we gotta count the minutes!!)

    I am on the computer constantly, yet I am also constantly thinking about taking more pills and then I gett all stir crazy and anxious and check my email like 10times a minute. So I'm going to try this, especially the first hours being the hardest! Anybody else want to join, post in this format...Name(or alias) / drug of choice / hours or days since last.
    ****

    Aaron / hydrocodone / 5hours


  2. #2
    fkunorko is offline Member
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    ***
    Aaron / hydrocodone / 6hours

    gettin hard already. luckily I should be able to sleep, so not sure if I'll post any more hours tonight or not...will see!!

  3. #3
    kcooleymac is offline Member
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    Kristine-opiate addict (methadone, OC, >>>>>>, morphine)
    I am now almost 4 days clean...sick... but clean

    -Kristine

  4. #4
    kcooleymac is offline Member
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    How long is the longest you've gone Aaron? The longest I have gone so far is 9 days. I did so great. I was sooooo proud and I broke down....

    -Kristine

  5. #5
    fkunorko is offline Member
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    Aaron / hydrocodone / 17hours

  6. #6
    keba1 is offline New Member
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    Have a little faith in yourself, those of you who count every minute, hour, day and so...... It gets easier. I have approximately 4,383,360 minutes, or is it 73,056 hours, or is it 3044 days, but I do have 8 1/2 years clean and sober. I may not be doing my math correctly, but I am getting better and so can you.
    Lots of everything you believe in
    Keba1

    keba1

  7. #7
    fkunorko is offline Member
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    i made it to like 18and a half hours and then took somethign to take the edge off...yeah I'm taking it easy on myself but i do like to keep track. I have nobody in my life so it helps me to keep myself in check. so here we go again...
    ***
    Aaron / hydrocodone / 2 hours

  8. #8
    fkunorko is offline Member
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    kcooleymac, around the holidays I went for 3 days at a time...but pretty much I only make it to like 1 day and I either want to take the horrible edge off or just like to relax and kick it...I dont drink or smoke or do anything else so I always seem to convince myself thats its OK...and it is OK once in a while, unfortunately it is daily for me. but i'm workin on it! always!

  9. #9
    kcooleymac is offline Member
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    Well, I wish you the best of luck on your struggle to quit. It is so difficult. I have been using opiates for almost 2 years now and I am sure that is much less than you and I know how hard it is..... I think about it all of the time. Using, the feeling I would feel, how numb I would be and how I would be unphased by anything in my life. But, I need to help myself by realizing that drugs will not make my life better. I need to do that myself.... I hate myself most of the time for everything I have done in my life.... lately, and in the past... I want to be better.... a better person as a whole. I dont want to lie.... i dont want to scrounge to get money when money should not be that huge of an issue for me.....well at 9:30 tonight will be 4 days total i have been clean... i dont feel clean... i feel need....

    -Kristine

  10. #10
    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    Hi Kristine,

    Good for you! I’m proud of the effort you’re making. And you have to stop hating yourself. Believe me; you’re no worse than anyone else. How does it go? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Every time you find something negative about yourself I want you to give yourself a pat on the back for the positive things you’re doing. I’ve been where you are and I know how hard it has been for you. What you’ve decided to do is quite remarkable and you should be proud of yourself. It never does any good to dwell on negative stuff, anyway, but we all do it, I guess. But really, try not to.

    All the problems that you’re concerning yourself with are soon going to be gone. I hope you’ll get into a program like CA or NA and do the 12-step work. It’s free and you’ll meet some wonderful people who won’t judge you and who will understand what you’re going through. And remember, no drinking or smoking dope. To get clean we have to go all the way. Otherwise you’ll be sure to relapse. You’re life will soon be a lot better. How can it not be?

    If you haven’t already done so, pick up the phone. There are people out there waiting for your call.

    Best wishes,

    JJ


  11. #11
    kcooleymac is offline Member
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    I am 4 & 1/2 days now.....I am proud of myself in that sense. I want to make it. I am going to make it! The only thing is... I can't stop drinking and smoking. I am so stressed and I like to go home and have a couple glasses of wine and I like to smoke a couple bowls/joints. I don't know how to stop that. I know I can stop doing opiates....... I jsut can't stop those thigns. I went to the NA meeting and I had no intention of quitting those things..... that is horrible and I know I am not supposed to, but I know what is best for me.... I am at a huge loss with this.... pretty sure I can't stop doing somet things..... ugh*

    -Kristine

  12. #12
    kcooleymac is offline Member
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    You are not wasting your time... I want to get better... I am just scared!!!!! I DONT KNOW HWAT TO DO....... I REALLY DONT. I am always in a depressed mood that I cannot snap out of. I am scared of reality.... I will try to completely quit all of the bad thigns that I do, but i am scared of myself.... i am sorryy

    -Kristine

  13. #13
    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    Kristine,

    I have to tell you I’m disappointed by your post. Read the words that you just posted and tell me that your mind isn’t totally messed up. If you knew what’s best for Kristine you wouldn’t be a cocaine addict. There isn’t a drug counselor, treatment facility, or 12-step program that would let you get away with saying you’re 4 ½ days clean. You’re not.

    Being recovered or clean means total abstinence. That means from all mood-altering drugs and substances. Do you think alcohol and pot don’t alter your perception of reality? Of course they do, as much as any opiate. That’s the only reason you use them and they’ll see you pick up and use cocaine again, too.

    I tried to help you but it looks like I might just be wasting my time.

    JJ

  14. #14
    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    Kristine,

    I don’t know what to tell you except that if you want to get clean you’re going to have to stop using alcohol and all other perception-altering substances. Go back to NA and do what they tell you needs to be done. They can’t help you if you refuse their help.

    As difficult as this may appear to you thousands of people just like you have beaten their addictions one step at a time, one day at a time. Don’t concern yourself, or should I say lie to yourself about all the fun you’ll miss by giving up everything. That’s not your biggest problem right now. Once you get clean, and stay clean for a while you’ll be amazed at how you’ll change, at how much better you’ll feel. Everything about you will change for the better and you’ll have lot of fun in the process. Stuff that you think is fun now might very well no longer appeal to you. You’ll see. It just takes a little time.

    Depending on how bad your opiate addiction is perhaps you need to go into a detox facility. That’s something you need to discuss with a doctor. Maybe you need a doctor who understands addiction to taper you off whatever drugs you’re on. Why don’t you ask the doctor who’s been prescribing them for you?

    You can do this. If you need professional or medical help don’t waste any time getting it.

    I know how hard it is for you. I've been in your predicament. I was close to death when I finally got clean. It doesn't have to get that bad for you.

    Good luck,

    JJ

  15. #15
    kcooleymac is offline Member
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    Jjbellinski-
    I was never prescribed to these drugs by any doctors. I was introduced to them after a summer of dropping ecstasy and spending lots of money on cocaine. Someone asked me if I ever got "waxed" and I said no and they gave me some methadone..... I haven't stopped since... Struggling each day for the cheapest best deal of opiates I could find. lately it has been >>>>>> as my drug of choice..... well, not lately. but the last time I did it almost 5 days ago... I am sorry I upset you, I upset myself so much... I'm just so afraid... I already am scared of things and now even more because of all the effects of the drugs I have used in the last 2 years. Now it is even more difficult to do the things I would have normally done before without being on drugs.... Thank you so much for your concern.. You have no idea how much I need it... I like that you even replied and helped me in the first place. I know that you are right... I just don't know what is going to happen to me... I feel like everything is falling apart... Im so scared.

    -Kristine

  16. #16
    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    Kristine,

    First of all I’m not upset with you. I’m very anxious for you because I understand how serious your problem is. One of the many problems with using street drugs is in ascertaining actually how much of a given drug you’re taking and the quality or strength of it. For this reason alone I think you should talk to a drug counselor to work out a schedule for weaning you off the drugs. I don’t want to see you go through terrible withdrawal symptoms if they can be gotten rid of by tapering off gradually.

    The fear and self-loathing and the anxiety that you’re feeling is largely caused by the drugs and the withdrawal. Fear is no stranger to using addicts and alcoholics. It seems to be a common thread that runs through us all. But your fear is worse than it needs to be. It’s exaggerated by your using, and by your anxiety. So the first thing I’d ask you to try to do is relax. I know, easier said than done. But, honestly, things are never really as bad as they seem. But in your frenzied, feverish state of mind they seem insurmountable.

    If you live in a city I’m sure there must be public clinics for drug users and abusers. I live in Canada and we have lots of facilities to help addicts but I can’t help you much with finding one in the US. I’m sure if you look you’ll find some. You could always ask a priest, or a minister, or a rabbi, etc. if they could direct you such a place. They usually know and you can be up front with them. But I’m sure you can find a drug abuse clinic in the phone book. Anyway, that would be a good thing to do and once you start seeking help it has a way finding you. Or ask a doctor. It doesn’t have to be your family doctor.

    Just remember you can do this by taking baby steps. Your world isn’t going to come crashing down on you. You’re already seeking help, which is positive. Just keep trying and stop beating yourself up over things.

    My concern about the pot and alcohol is only because recovery cannot begin until you’re clean of everything. I understand how you feel. Like I said, I’ve been right where you are.

    If you do this and get clean I promise you, you won’t be missing out on any fun years. You’re tastes in things may change a little but you’ll enjoy your life every bit as much as you have in the past, if not a whole lot more. And all this anxiety will seem to have been for nothing. So try to calm down and stop worrying about things.

    I really worry about you >>>>>> use. A couple of years ago we lost a very close family friend whose heart stopped after he’d fallen asleep snorting >>>>>>. He was only thirty with a promising future.

    Try to just keep reminding yourself of what I said about your fear and anxiety. Things aren’t nearly as bad as they seem, trust me. They’re really not. It’s all part of the illusion your addiction wants you to see.

    You’re going to be all right. Remember; baby steps will get you where you’re going.

    Good luck,

    JJ

  17. #17
    evamarie is offline New Member
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    I’m both a prescription drug addict and cocaine addict. I’ve been clean six years. My drug of choice was cocaine but I did most everything. I was a good girl all through high school. I was honest and I had high moral standards. Then I tried drugs. I’m not proud of this but cocaine f****d me up morally. My coke addiction turned me into a whore, a coke whore. People think that could never happen to them. That’s what I thought! But it did happened to me and it has happend to thousans of girls like me. Good girls. You don't see it comin. I got recovered in the 12 step program of Cocaine Anonymous. It works but you have to work the steps like somebody already posted. Don’t let coke or any other drugs take you where they took me. Ain’t worth it.

  18. #18
    kcooleymac is offline Member
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    I appreciate everyone's input. I realize that quitting everything is something that I need to do. I am goign to work on it. That is something that I am giong to have to slowly taper myself off of as well. I am sick of having the shakes and cold sweats and diareha. I want this all to end and that is why I am focusing from here on out to fix things with all of my power. Thank you all so much for showing such great concern. You have no idea how much I need it.

    -Kristine

  19. #19
    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    Hi Kristine,

    I know you mean well and that you have good intentions but you’d be making a terrible mistake if you think this is something you can do on your own. You need to be tapered off the drugs you’re using by a professional. No matter what you may think, or feel, you don’t have the power it takes to stop using. If you try, I promise you could very well wind up in a lot worse shape than you’re in right now. The ideal scenario would be for you to get yourself into a treatment center for three weeks where you’d have to stay clean and work the recovery program at the same time. You may think you wouldn’t be able to afford that but the real question is can you afford not to?

    In any case if you’re serious about NA, and I hope you are, you need to get yourself out to an NA meeting every night until you’ve got some good clean time under your belt. You must never, never underestimate the hold that your addiction has over you. It’s like a living demon that has every intention of ruining your life. You need help outside of your own self. It is, in fact, your own self that is the root of all this trouble. Addiction is a disease of self.

    I mentioned the other day how your mind deceives you when you’re using. Your own thinking cannot be trusted. Reach out and take the help that’s available to you.

    Good luck,

    JJ

  20. #20
    kcooleymac is offline Member
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    I am getting help. I have a great support group of friends. I mean, one of my friends jsut got home from rehab and is really working NA into my mind but he says the same things to me. That I need to be completely clean to go. JJbellinski..... I am sorry all I can think of saying and think about is how scared I am of myself. I am scared of my life...... Not just becasue of the drugs... but, my obsession is taking me over. I have now been 5 days off of opiates yes, but benzo's now to help with anxiety on top of paxil for my depression. I am going to go to the counselor on Monday and just spill my guts in order to get the help I need..... I am going to listen to his as well as your advice as far as being better and getting better. Thank you so much... Im so unbeleivable lost. I have never felt so depressed and anxious ever... Until now... the last 3 weeks....

    -Kristine

  21. #21
    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    Hi Kristine,

    I’m not sure quite what you mean when you say you are afraid of yourself but I’m not surprised that you have a lot of fear. Fear is a major symptom of addiction and until you get clean you’ll have to deal with these fears as best you can. Try to remember, though, that things aren’t nearly as bad as they seem. I have no doubt that your mind, with all the drugs in your body, is painting a pretty bleak picture. Try to stop and see the positive things. You’ve stopped the opiates. That’s something to be proud of. Good for you. And you’re making an effort to surround yourself with positive people, and you’re going to be honest with your counselor.
    These are very positive steps on the road to your recovery. Give yourself some credit. You deserve it.

    For the next little while you should probably avoid your drug abusing friends like the plague. Hang out with positive people. You’ll have lots of new friends and you can hang out with your old friends who have your best interest at heart. Just avoid the losers for now. They’ll only drag you further down.

    Talk to your friend that belongs to NA. Ask him to explain the steps to you. The busier you can keep yourself the less fear you’ll have to deal with. You’re sounding much more positive today. That’s good. Hang tough, Kristine. You can do this.

    Try to get out to some NA meetings over the weekend. Keep an eye out for a possible sponsor among the other women you meet there. It’s advisable to choose a sponsor of your own sex. The sponsor’s job is to guide you through the 12-steps in the main text of NA. That’s how you get clean---not just by going to meetings.
    When you choose a sponsor I’d recommend asking one who has lots of clean time and a good understanding of the 12-step program. It’s an interesting process and it really works for those who work at it.

    Good luck,

    JJ

  22. #22
    lostangel is offline New Member
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    14 days..3 hrs & 43 mins...Completely clean (no slip ups..etc) from a 5-6 a day Percocet 10s and I feel better than I ever have!
    Started going to meetings..exercising, and eating healthy..
    14 days clean has already changed my skin, hair everything.. I look and feel younger and I'm going to keep on "keeping on"
    Hang in there Folks If I can do this ...anyone can...Trust me


    All my Love,

    Angie

  23. #23
    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    Congratulations, Angie,

    That’s wonderful news and it offers hope for those who are still struggling. I’m so pleased for you and proud of you.

    JJ

  24. #24
    kcooleymac is offline Member
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    Well, I am now 9 days 12 & 1/2 hours clean. I am so happy. It is still difficult to resist the temptations but the fact is that I am doing it. I feel better. I am working on getting out more and being active. I am nervous to start seeing a counselor today but I am looking at it as a great beneficial thing. I am excited for complete recovery.. I talked to my friend that is in NA his mother and she gave me great advice and gave me an NA book that I can start going through the steps. I'm on my way...... scary, but exactly what I needed.

    -Kristine

  25. #25
    evamarie is offline New Member
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    Good on you for tryin. You said on the 5th that you knew you were gonna have to get clean from everything. This is only the 8th so how can you be 91/2 days clean. You’re not clean until your clean from everything. Keep trying though. If I can do it you can.

  26. #26
    kcooleymac is offline Member
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    Yeah... I realize that, but I cannot do it all at once. I am an avid smoker and drinker and I am trying to work on that as well. I am working on addressing my opiate addiction. I am proud of myself for that, but smoking is difficult to cut out. I have been smoking pot for 2 years straight now and it helps calm my anxious nerves. I am sorry that you don't approve and others don't as well, but this is my choice and I am working on things one at a time.

    -Kristine

  27. #27
    evamarie is offline New Member
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    Its good that your trying but alls Im saying is your not clean if your still smoking pot and drinking.

  28. #28
    moony is offline New Member
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    Careful, Kristine,

    Wasn't it 'your choice' that turned you into a drug addict in the first place? Drinking and smoking pot almost always lead to serious relapse.

    moony

  29. #29
    kcooleymac is offline Member
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    Well, everyone... I just wanted to let you know that I am done here. It is not helping me.... you are not helping me. I have support. I AM DOING THIS. No matter what you people say. Think what you want about me. I am doing great and I realize that drinking and smoking an occasional bowl. I like to do those things... Those things are not going to lead to a relapse because I think about it more when I am not drinking or smoking. So **** all of this. I am going to NA and a counselor now. **** this.... Thanks for the input, but no thanks...

    -Kristine

  30. #30
    evamarie is offline New Member
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    Just in case you check back in here what moonie told you was the truth. It ain’t the first time you been told it either. But that’s ok because they’ll tell you the same thing at NA and if your counselor is any good he’ll tell you too. But you’re gonna have to start listening to somebody cause your brain is all fogged up with alcohol and drugs. The cobwebs in your head don’t clear up right away when you quit using, you know. It takes a while. Like he said it was your thinking that got you f*****d up in the first place.

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