[tia1980]

Hi,
My husband is a druggie. I am sure he does marijuana and another drug.. meth, crack or i dont know what. I have found marijuana many times and a hollowed out pen, maybe used as a crack pipe. (one time i saw him go crazy talk crazy and twitching his nose- anyone would say that he's on something) When i confronted him he said he did marijuana and that most of the marijuana butts i saw were fake (they were not) and just brought up something and blamed it all on me, that he did it to show me how much i've hurt him. Then a lot of drama and then swore on me that he's not a druggie and will never do marijuana again. Then i find it again within a short period of time. He has no love or care for me anymore. He doesnt seem to think about me ever. Never calls me, never affectionate, does not want to go anywhere.. just keeps busy with his life as if I don't exist and his world is perfect. If I say anything about how I feel, he ignores it or says something rude.
He's anger is crazy, he has hit people, gotten into fights.Believe me he gets at the smallest thing. I am not allowed to touch him.. something makes me feel that maybe he's seeing someone else too. When we meet and i get close to hug him or kiss him, he acts like he dont care, if i hold his hand he says leave my hand let me relax im tired, whereas he works like 3-4 hrs a day and eos nothing at home. I clean, cook, do the laundry etc etc. He gets aggressive and tells me that he doesnt love me anymore and that he loves cigarettes more than me. He never looks back to even worry about how i feel.
Other times when he's ever home he acts normal, like everything is normal. Would lay down watch tv,, sing, laugh at comedy shows, (mostly watches crime, murder, drugs and jail related shows on tv), eat and basically chill by himself. When i asked him if he doesnt find me attractive anymore, he said go look at urself in the mirror. I said, what do u mean, then he says with attitude that you dont look bad even without makeup on. He is giving me hints and clear words sumtimes that he really doesnt give a ******************** if i stay or leave. I am really sad. I have supported him through every thing, hurt, sadness, bad health and everything that i could including his feelings.
What should i do? Just pack my bags and leave?
I need support to stop hurting myself like this. I know i dont deserve this. I know i deserve to be loved and to be happy but we've been married 6 yrs and i do love him. This is really hard on me.