[Robert_325]

You're young and have a great future ahead of you. You're not a bad person, you've simply made some poor choices like most of the rest of us. Stay focused, continue posting, share about what is happening in your llife, people here will help you. It's late tonight but we will talk more tomorrow. You never have to use again, just don't do it no matter what. Stay in touch. God bless.

[HopeFloats]

Originally Posted by mitchigan

Dear Hope,

A very apropos screen name! Yes you're at the tough stage now. The best news is your halfway done with the W/D! In 2 more days the worst will go away. 100 -120 hours most symptoms really decrease. Then all(?) you have to deal with are the mental issues and a little sleep trouble. Don't feel like the Lone Ranger, there's lots of people who fell in the same trap, it happens in all classes of society! Thank God you are smart enough to see what has happened. You have to tough out 2-3 more days and it will be much better. You're lucky in a way, for most people the toughest part is not relapsing. But with your background, training in your field, and your experience with this nightmare of withdrawl my money is on you that you'll NEVER go back! It's really hard right now but you're close to being rid of this locast. Check some of the threads for suggested relief methods during initial withdraw and tough it out! Claim flu if you have to! Some say 5-7 days but I think it gets much better after about 100 hours. Count the minutes, you can do this!

Knowing just how you feel,

Greg

Dear Michigan (GREG),

Thank u 4 ur vote of confidence... I wish I had that confidence in myself. I'm @ 75 hours and 35 minutes... and I feel like I'm struggling to hang in there. Barely hanging on by my nails. If what u said is true, I should be OK in less than 25 hours. It is with this hope alone that I continue…. God, I hope you are right! If all goes well, I’ll be able to get back to you once those 25 hours have passed and inform you. PLEASE PLEASE BE RIGHT ABOUT THIS.

Thanks for taking the time to hear me. Thank you for offering your hand. Greg, you are now a friend. God bless you for helping.

Laura

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by HopeFloats

First of all, I want to thank EVERYONE that has contributed here with their story or wise words of advice. God knows that this has been my life-line… my umbilical cord which gives me hope of survival. I have been reading this thread but never was able to contribute…. until now. My life depends on this. This is my cry for help….. PLEASE HELP ME !!

I am 55 hours and 55 minutes off Percocet (yes, I’m counting EVERY minute). And I think I am going to die!

Let me tell u a bit about me. I am in my early 30s. I have always been the “good girl“. I have never smoked a cigarette, tasted even a drop of alcohol, smoked a joint, experimented in any mind-altering substances, had premarital sex………etc. You get the point. I have always been “perfect”. My parents were proud… my husband is proud… I have always been proud of myself. I live my life with the belief that God is always watching me… and I want to make Him proud. I work in the medical field… a position of HIGH responsibility, highly respected, and have an extremely stressful but satisfying job. I have never ever done anything to be ashamed of. Then roughly a year ago, my health took a turn for the worst. I had to put my career on pause while getting medical treatment. I have had three major surgeries in the span of 12 months. I was prescribed a painkiller that I was not familiar with, except by name, but which has now taken control of my life….PERCOCET. I was on & off it after the 1st two surgeries. Then my last surgery was in November… and I was initially given 10mg pecocet every THREE HOURS (80 ms per day) and I have been on it daily ever since (for the past 3 months) because of complications. I was eventually able to taper down to 10mg daily. I loved the way it made me feel initially. I felt relaxed. I felt happy. It made me forget about my pain & health problems. I continued taking it even after the pain was actually tolerable. I couldn’t stop. I stopped feeling that euphoric effect pretty fast. And I was craving that feeling. I would take more than I needed to try to get that feeling again. Try 3 pills…4 the next time… how about 5...etc. But regardless of the amount, I never got that “virgin euphoria” again that percocet is infamous for. I tried taking 2 or 3 percocet with 2 or 3 vicodin. (oddly, Vicodin never gave me that happy feeling that everyone else was describing, it almost felt “weak” or inferior in comparison to Percocet) I actually found myself researching “percocet potentiators”. I tried the grapefruit juice, the benadryl, flexeril, tagamet…. etc, in search of that “good felling” on a low dose of percocet. I was soooo naïve and didn’t realize what I had become. I guess I was in denial. I was so used to being “perfect” that I didn’t realize I was getting addicted.

I am taking care of my widowed mom. She is very sensitive. I hid this very well from her. I took the pills just to quite down the pain so that I could get through the day. I took the pills so that I could deal with several family tragedies that took place in the last few months. I took the pills so that I could put on a fake smile through the physical & emotional pain… and not cause my mom to worry. I have always been protective of my mom, and never wanted her to worry or be sad. It was completely legit… all with prescriptions from my doctor. I had complications from the last surgery which caused me true pain which my doctor recognized and gave me percocet for. The pain ultimately was tolerable… but I didn’t tell my doctor. Instead I insisted that the pain was severe & I needed to continue the percocet. All I could think of was how to get more percoet. It consumed my thoughts. I stopped going out with friends, stopped my hobbies, stopped everything…. all because I couldn’t stop the percocet. I lost 30 pounds all because I wouldn’t eat since the percocet seemed to have a stronger effect on an empty stomach. I was a healthy 140 lbs and was considered very beautiful. I am now a skinny 110 lbs… and I’m weak and skeletal. Everyone thinks its do to my medical problems. But I know its not. I am weak. I am confused. I am addicted.

As I mentioned, I was able to taper down to 10mg every 24 hours. But when I suddenly jumped off 2 days ago, I entered into a nightmare reality. I have palpitations, difficulty breathing, and bouts where I can almost SWEAR I’m having a heart attack. I will have goosebumps and chills one moment, then break out in a sweat within minutes. I have horrible migraines. EVERY joint in my body hurts. My lower back & neck are torture. My abdomen hurts. EVERYTHING HURTS. I have no appetite. I can’t sleep. I am SEVERLY DEPRESSED and find myself crying for no reason. I was driving yesterday with my mom and suddenly broke out crying. If she wasn’t with me I would probably pray to be killed in a car accident. I can’t sleep without Ambien…. and find myself thinking about swallowing the whole bottle to rid myself from the pain. I want to die. I swear to God, I just want to die. I am not exaggerating. If I had a gun I think I would shoot myself in my migrain-ridden head. The only 2 things stopping me from committing suicide is 1) my fear of God; and 2) the though of my mother finding me…. of hurting my mom…..of causing her more pain. I go to sleep praying that God will have mercy on me and just take me in my sleep. When I do wake up, I am disappointed that He didn‘t.

I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to take a shower. I don’t want to be “damaged” anymore. I have always been a good girl. I have always done the right thing. I have always been perfect. I am so ashamed of myself…of what I have become. Now I feel worthless. I didn’t ask for this. I wasn’t looking for a thrill or to get high. I was sick, my doctor gave me this. I had no idea it would ruin my life as I know it.

Please help me. I am going insane. How long will this last????? I am losing my mind. I just wish I could end this. I am reaching out for help…. for the 1st time in my entire life. I have always been the one to offer help to anyone and everyone who needs it…. sometimes at the expense of my own comfort and convenience. But that is how I have been raised, to help my fellow brothers/sisters on Earth so that God will help me in the hereafter. But now I am the one in need of help. Please help me through this. I never thought this could happen to me. I went from a successful, highly respected, professional, “perfect” lady…. to a hopeless, weak, damaged, worthless soul who is begging her Creator to take her soul……NOW!

I have read the encouragement offered by Robert, Melinda, and others. I hope that you can reply to me. You have given me hope. Atleast I know that what I am going through is “normal”…. and expected. Because of my professional position, rehab and NA are NOT an option. I must continue to do this cold turkey. My only hope is that you can help me through this. Please hold my hand and guide me. Tell me this will get better. Tell me what to expect. Tell me how long this suffering will last.

Thank you for taking the time to read this loooong post. This is the first time I have vented. May God bless you all. You are kind souls and doing good in this world. May God reward you with spot in paradise.

Laura

Hi Laura
Hey my new friend,,well get you thru this...Oh girl I know how you are feeling If you have heard me talking about myself you know what I have been thru...
But dont worry it gets better...Start thinking about how good its going to feel when this is over and you will be back to your normal self...
you will be better that you were before...you really will be...you think you were strong before just wait till you come out of this...LOL
nothing will stop you from anything...how are you feeling now...
Ill be watching for you...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[HopeFloats]

Originally Posted by Robert_325

You're young and have a great future ahead of you. You're not a bad person, you've simply made some poor choices like most of the rest of us. Stay focused, continue posting, share about what is happening in your llife, people here will help you. It's late tonight but we will talk more tomorrow. You never have to use again, just don't do it no matter what. Stay in touch. God bless.

Robert,
Thank you for taking the time to acknowledge my note…. even if it was late and you didn’t have time to reply with the wisdom that has become a staple of Robert_325 . I hope that you will find the time to hold my hand through this, as you have helt the hands of hundreds before me….. God only knows how much I really do need it.

God bless you my new friend.

Laura

[HopeFloats]

Originally Posted by melinda7.5

Hi Laura
Hey my new friend,,well get you thru this...Oh girl I know how you are feeling If you have heard me talking about myself you know what I have been thru...
But dont worry it gets better...Start thinking about how good its going to feel when this is over and you will be back to your normal self...
you will be better that you were before...you really will be...you think you were strong before just wait till you come out of this...LOL
nothing will stop you from anything...how are you feeling now...
Ill be watching for you...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

Hello Melinda,

I feel like ******** (pardon my French). But thanks for asking. I just want to feel "normal" again. How long does that take?
Congrats on ur success, I am truly PROUD of you. And i look up to you. I hope I can be as strong as u have been.

What day are u on? And when did u feel like the Melinda you have known and loved? I really hate myself right now. And I keep reminding myself that I am a good person... and that I did not go looking for this...I did not venture into the world of drugs looking to get high. I had 3 MAJOR surgeries and was introduced to this nightmare innocently. Having said that, i now look at drug addicts with a different perspective. I no longer hate them or think that they are "bad people". On the contrary, I feel sorry for them. If I am in a nightmare trying to get off a medical amount of percocet, I can only imagine the torture and pain they are in for stronger substances. And now I will pray for them daily. I hope they find the will, strength, and faith to guide them through their struggles. God bless all.

Thank you my new friend, for offering your hand. I accept it with a huge smile and appreciation.

Laura

[HopeFloats]

Dear NEW FRIENDS,

I am now 76 hours and 17 minutes percocet free. (I am still counting every single minute!)
Besides the constant pain, my worse physical symptom now are cardiovascular/respiratory related. I am having difficulty breathing. My heart is pounding through my chest. And I feel like I am unable to fill my lungs with air. My breathing has become panting…. yet the quality of air is unsatisfactory. At times, I can almost swear I am having a heart attack….I have to stop everything, lie down, concentrate on breathing as I hold my hand against my pounding chest…. and PRAY through it. I am very light headed 24-7. Whenever I get up, the ground spins beneath me briefly. I don’t know if that is part of WD, or due to my chronic low-blood-pressure, or a combination of both. I take caffeine in the attempt to bring it up. And that makes it even harder to sleep, So I end up taking 2 flexural and ultimately an Ambien. Yesterday it took 2 Ambien CR to get me to sleep. And I don’t want to have to go through WD of Ambien as well along the road. At my worst, when I feel like I am having a heart attack, I end up taking Ultram just to take the edge off. Again, I hope I don’t consequently need to suffer WD from the Ultram. Even though doctors & pharmacists have marketed Ultram as non-habit forming, I have read otherwise online. Its just that I find it IMPOSSIBLE to do this without the help of those lesser medications. Nights are the worst. And I want to sleep through my “WD Stopwatch”. So that I can get as many hours behind me without having to rise this wave fully conscious.

HOW MUCH LONGER WILL THIS LAST? I am fighting every urge… that little voice telling me to consume that very last 5mg Percocet that I have locked up for “An Extreme Life-or-Death Emergency”. I don’t want to have to start this stopwatch of withdrawal nightmare all over again!

Laura

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by HopeFloats

Hello Melinda,

I feel like ******** (pardon my French). But thanks for asking. I just want to feel "normal" again. How long does that take?
Congrats on ur success, I am truly PROUD of you. And i look up to you. I hope I can be as strong as u have been.

What day are u on? And when did u feel like the Melinda you have known and loved? I really hate myself right now. And I keep reminding myself that I am a good person... and that I did not go looking for this...I did not venture into the world of drugs looking to get high. I had 3 MAJOR surgeries and was introduced to this nightmare innocently. Having said that, i now look at drug addicts with a different perspective. I no longer hate them or think that they are "bad people". On the contrary, I feel sorry for them. If I am in a nightmare trying to get off a medical amount of percocet, I can only imagine the torture and pain they are in for stronger substances. And now I will pray for them daily. I hope they find the will, strength, and faith to guide them through their struggles. God bless all.

Thank you my new friend, for offering your hand. I accept it with a huge smile and appreciation.

Laura

Hi Laura
I promise you your going to be alright. Everyone is a little different...but from what I can see you should be OK in a few days...the first 2 are the worst...
the depression you are feeling is just from the withdrawals don't worry it will go away...
I had that also, and panic attacks...OH MAN...LOL
just let a little time go by,be good to yourself right now act like you have the flu and get some rest and just let time pass...
Your right anyone can get addicted to drugs most of us here got addicted from are doctors...
I started to feel better every minute that passed because I knew I was getting it behind me.Just like you are doing....
I think it's been around 7 months now and I'm still finding myself doing things I would have never done before I concord my drug addiction...
I know that sounds stupid ...sorry...but when you get past this you will be a much stronger person than you were before...
We will talk you thru this...
You really sound allot like me...Im a helper to...Im not one to ask for help...
So I know you can do this....
Talk to you soon,Melinda

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by HopeFloats

Robert,
Thank you for taking the time to acknowledge my note…. even if it was late and you didn’t have time to reply with the wisdom that has become a staple of Robert_325 . I hope that you will find the time to hold my hand through this, as you have helt the hands of hundreds before me….. God only knows how much I really do need it.

God bless you my new friend.

Laura

Hi Laura,

Thank you for the blessings and the kind words. I just went back and read your original post again. At least you haven't been doing this for a really long time. I commend you for realizing that you were heading down a dead end road before getting beat up too badly.

Lots of us were pretty good people prior to finding ourselves in the position where you are at today. I was on the board of directors for a large corporation, retired from a career as a financial advisor and COO of my company. I am sorry to say that earlier in life I was one of the guys your mom and dad warned you about. I grew up in the 60s and was a gangster, a scumbag and a bottom feeder for many years. I prefer to remain in the solution today rather than talking about the past but I don't try to hide where I came from. The greater the miracle the greater the testimony. The miracles in my life are no less in my eyes than those I read about in the gospels of the Bible. I give all credit for my life today to Christ. Since the day I humbled myself and allowed Him into my life I have never had another w/d symptom and today working with recovering addicts is a ministry for me. The old was truly buried with the cross and I am no longer the person I once was, I am a new creature today in Christ. That gives me a sense of peace and contentment that I never thought possible years ago for someone like me.

Realistically feeling like you think you want to die is pretty normal even though we both know you really don't want to do that. There is entirely too much of a spiritual tone to what you say for that. Believe it or not at one time I actually did cock my 9mm and held it to my head. That was in 2002 prior to checking myself into a nut house. God intervened and today I live my life for Him. When all else has failed He has never let me down yet. As we begin to recover we begin to welcome all feelings again, even the rather negative ones as they are all a part of life. We bury our emotions and isolate from everything as we get deeper into the hell of opiate dependency.

Lots of us find ourselves in this place following illnesses, injuries, surgeries, etc. Not all people having problems with opiates live under bridges, rob and steal, sell our souls, etc. We usually end up making some poor choices following physical challenges where we've been in bad pain and we find relief in our medication. One thing leads to another and VERY soon we can find ourselves totally dependent on our drug/drugs of choice. Contrary to what some people think we can become physically dependent to RX opiates in a matter of weeks. By the time several months go by we can find ourselves in a living hell having no idea how we got here or how to get out.

The very worst of your w/d symptoms should begin easing up SOME after about day six or so. For some it's after five days, for some it's after eight days, but typically around day six we begin to feel some signs of being a human again. Use the Immodium AD as needed, drink lots of water, diarrhea makes us very dehydrated so drink lots of gatorade as it's full of electrolytes, and the best medication of all is moderate exercise. I am talking about simple walks around the block, no need to run five miles. But some moderate exercise will get your natural endorphine production going and will greatly benefit your overall well-being. The last thing that will typically return to normal is sleep. I abused opiates for longer than you've been alive and consequently did some permanent damage to my CNS. I will continue to have issues with sleep forever I expect. You will notice my post times quite often at 3-4:00 AM. I have at least one night a week where I don't sleep at all and my clean date is 6/6/02. But that's okay, I'm lucky to be alive today so I can accept that. It's a small price to pay for the life I have today.

Following nineteen years being divorced I'm about to be remarried to a beautiful lady, my life is peaceful and I am very happy. You have a long life ahead of yourself. You're young and bright. I wish that I would have found my way out of my world of darkness in my thirties. You just continue to stay focused on your recovery, stay focused on the present, and don't worry about the past. Take this in five minute increments if necessary. You can stand on your head for five minutes. Pretty soon you have days back to back and then you wake up one morning and realize you had a good night's sleep. It will happen for you. You just don't use no matter what and things will get better. And remember to give thanks for every day, each one is a gift. Let me know how I can help you if you have any questions. Remember that you never have to use again! God bless.

[JustQuitting]

While I was reading your post, I was nodding my head - it's amazing how alike our stories are. While I'm not in the medical field, my dad was a pharmacist & drug rep for a major drug company...lost him last year to Alzheimer's and have also been taking care of my mom lately. I have always been the "good girl" too (although I do smoke, lol).

Nearly 2 years ago, I moved some furniture around one night & raked out in the yard the next day - the day after that I woke up with what felt like a crick in my neck, but it wouldn't go away. I was thinking, OK - I'm not as young as I used to be & shouldn't have done that, lol...then every time I coughed or sneezed when I caught a cold the next week, it felt like an explosion in my upper arm. So, off to the doctor I went & he said it was a pinched nerve...

My GP started me out at 7.5mg of Lortab 3-4 times a day with 5mg Valium just at night. I went to other doctors because it wasn't getting better. Had an MRI & discovered I had a bulging disc which was causing the pinched nerve. One of the docs wanted to inject me with Botox at $750 a pop with no guarantee that it would help me & I was getting conflicting advice about physical therapy from others and I couldn't afford either of those options anyway. So my GP agreed to try continuing the meds to see if that would finally relax my shoulder/neck. He even increased my dosage to 10mg of Lortab & 10mg Valium...and continued to refill the meds when I'd call in.

Late last year I went to another doc that wanted to do an epidural in my neck to block the pain...I had to save up the $800 cash, but knew by now I was hooked on the meds and probably wouldn't be getting anymore refills, so I asked for another prescription from him until I could save up the $$$ and had the procedure done at the end of December. I don't know what I expected, but it didn't work right away & the pain was really still so bad that I called in for a couple of refills (he'd given me Vicodin).

My real wakeup call came when the shot finally DID start working around the end of January and I was still wanting the meds. The current doctor would not refill unless I came in for another shot & my GP told me I needed to talk to him now about pain relief. So, this past Saturday was my last night of any pain meds. Sunday wasn't so bad, although I did have a rough time getting to sleep, but the past 4 days have been just about the worst of my life. I swear I don't remember feeling like this even when I've had a really bad case of the flu!

Man, I feel like I've been hit by a truck...no energy, freezing cold, diarrhea, feel like I'm jumping out of my skin (especially at night), can't concentrate at work & have had to come home 3 of the past 4 days because I just cannot function. I called my GP yesterday & begged for an appt. and confessed to him that I was going through withdrawal but did not want anymore pain meds, even though he first said I should be tapering off. He did give me some Valium to help me get through the next two weeks, which is how long he told me I'll probably be feeling this way...ugh.

I find it ironic that I could sleep like a baby and feel so great during the day under the influence of such strong drugs & now feel like absolute ******** when I'm not, but I guess that's withdrawal for ya. I did start taking some potassium & magnesium, along with a super B vitamin in the morning & have been chugging 100% pure OJ like it's going out of style, but have no access to a store to buy the other things in the suggested Thomas Recipe until this weekend. Not sure if I should shell out the cash for those things since I'm probably past the worst anyway...I hope.

Right now I'm just taking it hour by hour & day by day...waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I'm encouraged by the other long time posters here and realizing that I never, ever want to go through this again!!

[melinda7.5]

Hi JustQuitting
I really feel for you...I swear I know...LOL
I think that feeling is so engrained in my mind...That I will never use again...
Your doing it right taking it hour by hour...when I was in w/d I took it 5 min at a time...
You will be alright I promise, just get some more time behind you.
If you get anything on the Thomas recipe...get the imodium it will save you...
I really dont think you will be like this for 2 weeks...you wont be 100% but you should be a little better in a few more days...
keep us posted on how you are doing..
and let us know if we can help..
Melinda

[thealmost]

Hey everyone I've been reading around on these threads for quite sometime now and It really got me thinking. I've been taking 10/650 or 10/500 mg hydro's for about a year and a half now. It started at 2 maybe once or twice a week and my dose gradually increased. Most recently, i was up to about 15 a day. I have the willpower to quit and I want to for myself and those around me more than anything I'm just worried it will interfere with my school attendance. I'm quite young.. Does anyone have any tips they could give me? Thanks

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by thealmost

Hey everyone I've been reading around on these threads for quite sometime now and It really got me thinking. I've been taking 10/650 or 10/500 mg hydro's for about a year and a half now. It started at 2 maybe once or twice a week and my dose gradually increased. Most recently, i was up to about 15 a day. I have the willpower to quit and I want to for myself and those around me more than anything I'm just worried it will interfere with my school attendance. I'm quite young.. Does anyone have any tips they could give me? Thanks

Hi thealmost
I know you dont want to miss school, but if you could just take a few days off and google the thomas recipe.
You could be done with this and move on.
You have your whole life in front of you dont waste it on drugs...
Keep us posted on how you are doing..
Talk to you later,Melinda

[JustQuitting]

Hi Melinda & thanks for your post.

I forgot to mention above that I have been taking the Immodium & also zinc...Can't stand the taste of Gatorade, lol, so have been drinking the OJ.

Last night my cats, who usually sleep through the night, decided to run around the house playing chase at who knows what hour (I was afraid to look at the clock)...I had to get up & shut my door. Then the dog started chasing rabbits or something in her dreams & woke me up again...had to wake her up to quiet her down, but luckily I got right back to sleep.

I still feel like you-know-what warmed over from the waist down, but HAVE to go into work today to write some paychecks and try to make up some of my time off. Hope I can deal...if not, I'll come on home again and just not have a good paycheck myself for this week. At least I do feel better than the past 4 days so far...

Thanks again for your kind words.

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by JustQuitting

Hi Melinda & thanks for your post.

I forgot to mention above that I have been taking the Immodium & also zinc...Can't stand the taste of Gatorade, lol, so have been drinking the OJ.

Last night my cats, who usually sleep through the night, decided to run around the house playing chase at who knows what hour (I was afraid to look at the clock)...I had to get up & shut my door. Then the dog started chasing rabbits or something in her dreams & woke me up again...had to wake her up to quiet her down, but luckily I got right back to sleep.

I still feel like you-know-what warmed over from the waist down, but HAVE to go into work today to write some paychecks and try to make up some of my time off. Hope I can deal...if not, I'll come on home again and just not have a good paycheck myself for this week. At least I do feel better than the past 4 days so far...

Thanks again for your kind words.

Hi JQ..
I was just wondering if you made it all day at work today, and how your feeling...
anyway hope your doing a little better...
Talk to you later, Melinda

[JustQuitting]

Hey Melinda,

Yes, I made it all day (10 hours)...had cramps in my right hamstring nearly all day, but mustered through. Otherwise I was OK, aside from still feeling exhausted. At least I don't still hurt all over like the past few days...

Hopefully next week I'll be able to make it all day every day - I'll miss that overtime in my check this week. But thankfully I do get sick pay, so will have 45 hours in this week (I also work 3 hours on Saturdays). Now I just have to catch up on all that missed work. grrrr

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by JustQuitting

Hey Melinda,

Yes, I made it all day (10 hours)...had cramps in my right hamstring nearly all day, but mustered through. Otherwise I was OK, aside from still feeling exhausted. At least I don't still hurt all over like the past few days...

Hopefully next week I'll be able to make it all day every day - I'll miss that overtime in my check this week. But thankfully I do get sick pay, so will have 45 hours in this week (I also work 3 hours on Saturdays). Now I just have to catch up on all that missed work. grrrr

I dont know if you were like me...But OH MY...the money I spent on drugs...
At least now I get to spend it on good things....LOL..

[JustQuitting]

lol...I've been trying to quit smoking for months now. My GP had been getting on my butt about that (when I had my regular checkup at age 50 - yikes, still hurts to see that in black & white!). Wednesday he asked if I was still smoking & I hung my head and said yes - he patted me on the back and said that was OK, I'd need it for my nerves the next few weeks anyway. But as soon as I do quit that, I'll be socking away all of the money I was spending on the drugs & cigs into my IRA! :P

[HopeFloats]

I am so confused...

I went to my GP today for my scheduled follow-up. Like I told u guys, I have been experiencing SEVERE difficulty in breathing & palpitations. I told him that I had been on Day#4 of withdrawl from Percocet....(even though he specifically had told me before not to suddenly stop cold-turkey..... but to graaaddduuuaaalllyyy taper). During my physical examination, my resting heart rate was VERY HIGH & he didn't like the way my heart/lungs sounded by auscultation. I kept on attributing what I was feeling to WD. But he said that he’s absolutely positive that @ the amount I was on, I should NOT be having withdrawal… and that he thought it was something more serious. He did a STAT EKG on me followed by a cardiac echo and blood tests. He also told me to go back on Percocet for the pain. I had a mixed reaction to this…. part of me was like “YES, more Perocet!!”, and part of me was like “No, I can’t go through the 1st 4 days of WD all over again!!”. I told him again that I must be withdrawing….explained my other symptoms….told him that I had researched it over the net (but kept u guys & ur support my little secret). He insisted it must be more serious. I walked out to do the echo without taking the prescription. I tried to be strong. But after the echo, the nurse came and gave it to me saying that the doctor left a prescription for me. (30 more pills of percocet) I debated whether or not to fill it during my drive. Please note that I had been having a constant migraines, aches & pains, and difficulty breathing since MONDAY. I convinced myself that he must be right, and it was not WD…and that I should not continue to suffer needlessly. Long story short, I filled it and took one pill (10/325) AT THE PHARMACY !!! I don’t know what got over me, I couldn’t even wait to think it over some more. I said “Doctor knows best” and took it! Ten minutes later, headache gone, heart rate normalized, no difficulty in breathing, and I felt “OK” for the 1st time in 4 days. That makes me feel that I was right and it WAS withdrawal. I have an appointment for my results & more tests in a week.

I got home. Then 4 hours later, I got into a huge fight with my mom (who I love more than anything in this world)… ironically, about the pills & having to restart my WD. I got a massive headache cuz I was soooooooo upset at the fight that what did I do? I gulped down 2 more percocet 10/325 !! Did it make me feel any better? Happy? Relaxed? NOOOOOOOOO!! And now its 4:53 AM and I hate myself for caving…. for upsetting my mother…. for not being stronger…. and I can’t sleep. I am drowning in SHAME.

My friends, I need your advice yet again. What should I do? Follow doctors orders? Or start all over again?

Thank you to all those who had replied to me earlier. I truly appreciate your kind words, wise advice, sympathy, and concern. And good luck to those who wrote to tell me that they are in the same boat. May God give us the strength needed and bless all.

[JustQuitting]

Hey Hope,

I have to get to work soon, but wanted to dash off a quick note to you...

I highly doubt the pill really began working within 10 minutes - that was your mind telling your body "Oh boy, we have the pills again!"...and that's why taking 2 pills later didn't cause any feeling - because you were right about having been going through W/D. I'd print out the symptoms of w/d for your doc before you go back. Although I didn't have the chest pains or panic attacks earlier this week, my doc DID ask me if I was having any of those symptoms when I told him I was in self-imposed detox...not sure why your doc doesn't believe you, but I think in your heart & mind you know better.

As much as you were taking before, I'm not sure 27 pills would be enough to taper - I'll let the others here guide you about that...Is there maybe another doctor in your office you could see instead that will listen to you?

Please don't beat yourself up over this. You can overcome it! I was on the drugs for nearly 2 years & felt like C R A P for 5 days, but woke up today feeling almost normal for the first time since last Sunday night. Just hang in there & pray, pray, pray...it does help.

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by HopeFloats

I am so confused...

I went to my GP today for my scheduled follow-up. Like I told u guys, I have been experiencing SEVERE difficulty in breathing & palpitations. I told him that I had been on Day#4 of withdrawl from Percocet....(even though he specifically had told me before not to suddenly stop cold-turkey..... but to graaaddduuuaaalllyyy taper). During my physical examination, my resting heart rate was VERY HIGH & he didn't like the way my heart/lungs sounded by auscultation. I kept on attributing what I was feeling to WD. But he said that he’s absolutely positive that @ the amount I was on, I should NOT be having withdrawal… and that he thought it was something more serious. He did a STAT EKG on me followed by a cardiac echo and blood tests. He also told me to go back on Percocet for the pain. I had a mixed reaction to this…. part of me was like “YES, more Perocet!!”, and part of me was like “No, I can’t go through the 1st 4 days of WD all over again!!”. I told him again that I must be withdrawing….explained my other symptoms….told him that I had researched it over the net (but kept u guys & ur support my little secret). He insisted it must be more serious. I walked out to do the echo without taking the prescription. I tried to be strong. But after the echo, the nurse came and gave it to me saying that the doctor left a prescription for me. (30 more pills of percocet) I debated whether or not to fill it during my drive. Please note that I had been having a constant migraines, aches & pains, and difficulty breathing since MONDAY. I convinced myself that he must be right, and it was not WD…and that I should not continue to suffer needlessly. Long story short, I filled it and took one pill (10/325) AT THE PHARMACY !!! I don’t know what got over me, I couldn’t even wait to think it over some more. I said “Doctor knows best” and took it! Ten minutes later, headache gone, heart rate normalized, no difficulty in breathing, and I felt “OK” for the 1st time in 4 days. That makes me feel that I was right and it WAS withdrawal. I have an appointment for my results & more tests in a week.

I got home. Then 4 hours later, I got into a huge fight with my mom (who I love more than anything in this world)… ironically, about the pills & having to restart my WD. I got a massive headache cuz I was soooooooo upset at the fight that what did I do? I gulped down 2 more percocet 10/325 !! Did it make me feel any better? Happy? Relaxed? NOOOOOOOOO!! And now its 4:53 AM and I hate myself for caving…. for upsetting my mother…. for not being stronger…. and I can’t sleep. I am drowning in SHAME.

My friends, I need your advice yet again. What should I do? Follow doctors orders? Or start all over again?

Thank you to all those who had replied to me earlier. I truly appreciate your kind words, wise advice, sympathy, and concern. And good luck to those who wrote to tell me that they are in the same boat. May God give us the strength needed and bless all.

Hi Hope
I dont think 3 pill and going to make you start the w/d prosses all over..
Just think of it as you were doing a little taper...
I did do a taper but it really does make it a long slow death...LOL
just kidding,,,just pick up where you left off your going to be fine...
I would just get rid of those perc's if you want to stop all together...
Keep us posted on how you are doing..
Keep you in my prayers, Melinda

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by HopeFloats

I am so confused...

I went to my GP today for my scheduled follow-up. Like I told u guys, I have been experiencing SEVERE difficulty in breathing & palpitations. I told him that I had been on Day#4 of withdrawl from Percocet....(even though he specifically had told me before not to suddenly stop cold-turkey..... but to graaaddduuuaaalllyyy taper). During my physical examination, my resting heart rate was VERY HIGH & he didn't like the way my heart/lungs sounded by auscultation. I kept on attributing what I was feeling to WD. But he said that he’s absolutely positive that @ the amount I was on, I should NOT be having withdrawal… and that he thought it was something more serious. He did a STAT EKG on me followed by a cardiac echo and blood tests. He also told me to go back on Percocet for the pain. I had a mixed reaction to this…. part of me was like “YES, more Perocet!!”, and part of me was like “No, I can’t go through the 1st 4 days of WD all over again!!”. I told him again that I must be withdrawing….explained my other symptoms….told him that I had researched it over the net (but kept u guys & ur support my little secret). He insisted it must be more serious. I walked out to do the echo without taking the prescription. I tried to be strong. But after the echo, the nurse came and gave it to me saying that the doctor left a prescription for me. (30 more pills of percocet) I debated whether or not to fill it during my drive. Please note that I had been having a constant migraines, aches & pains, and difficulty breathing since MONDAY. I convinced myself that he must be right, and it was not WD…and that I should not continue to suffer needlessly. Long story short, I filled it and took one pill (10/325) AT THE PHARMACY !!! I don’t know what got over me, I couldn’t even wait to think it over some more. I said “Doctor knows best” and took it! Ten minutes later, headache gone, heart rate normalized, no difficulty in breathing, and I felt “OK” for the 1st time in 4 days. That makes me feel that I was right and it WAS withdrawal. I have an appointment for my results & more tests in a week.

I got home. Then 4 hours later, I got into a huge fight with my mom (who I love more than anything in this world)… ironically, about the pills & having to restart my WD. I got a massive headache cuz I was soooooooo upset at the fight that what did I do? I gulped down 2 more percocet 10/325 !! Did it make me feel any better? Happy? Relaxed? NOOOOOOOOO!! And now its 4:53 AM and I hate myself for caving…. for upsetting my mother…. for not being stronger…. and I can’t sleep. I am drowning in SHAME.

My friends, I need your advice yet again. What should I do? Follow doctors orders? Or start all over again?

Thank you to all those who had replied to me earlier. I truly appreciate your kind words, wise advice, sympathy, and concern. And good luck to those who wrote to tell me that they are in the same boat. May God give us the strength needed and bless all.

I doubt that your dr has ever gone through w/d before. They DON'T always know whats best, I don't care what they say.

I would flush the damn percs SO FAST right this second and get on with my life. You can get right back into your detox if you will do it. You finish off that script and you'll be right back to square one. And I HAVE DETOXED AND RELAPSED BEFORE just like lots of others here.

Don't listen to that garbage he told you, of course you're going to feel like hell going through detox. Your dr did NOT tell you what was best for you. You say "may God give us the strength needed" ... well He will give you the strength needed but you have to do some of it yourself too. Flush the goofy pills before you're right back where you started. Head to the bathroom and flush them RIGHT NOW! God bless.

[ScaredOutofMyMind]

Robert,
I have been researching vicodin wd all day. I have been looking for some hope that I didn't take enough, long enough to send my body into the depths of hell. But I am sure my searching was in vain. I took my last 2 this morning. I have been taking average 5 a day of 7.5 mg for two months for some medical issues. I have seen your postings with hopefloats and am very touched...I can't stop crying...my story is very much like hers and there was another poster like her. It started with physical issues,,,which I still have...and progressed to I just love the energy & feel good sensation I get from them. So much so that I refused needles in my neck, and surgery to give me pain relief. I have no desire to be screwed up or non functioning on them or anything stronger...but I know that is coming and it scares the hell out of me. I had a "little" wd time before after about 3 weeks on the same dosage. It was terrible...not horrific...like I am expecting this one to be. I am so scared and feel like such an unbelieveable loser. I do have a belief in God, and in fact when not taking the pills I am a spiritual seeker dabbling in all ideas, theories & practices of how to make a better concious contact with Him and live in His presence. However, the desire and the practice for that goes away when I am using because I feel so good, things with me & Him must be good. I know this is false....I MISS HIM! but I am so scared of what I am about to go thru. NO ONE in my life knows what I have been doing and I can't face the disappointment and shame. It will absolutely crush my husband and my parents. I am so sorry that I did this to myself and the fear of what the next week holds for me is absolutely terrifying. I will take the advise for ideas of how to cope and I will pray. I just wanted to say thank you for all the words of encouragement that you have said to others that I am taking the liberty to take for myself.

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by ScaredOutofMyMind

Robert,
I have been researching vicodin wd all day. I have been looking for some hope that I didn't take enough, long enough to send my body into the depths of hell. But I am sure my searching was in vain. I took my last 2 this morning. I have been taking average 5 a day of 7.5 mg for two months for some medical issues. I have seen your postings with hopefloats and am very touched...I can't stop crying...my story is very much like hers and there was another poster like her. It started with physical issues,,,which I still have...and progressed to I just love the energy & feel good sensation I get from them. So much so that I refused needles in my neck, and surgery to give me pain relief. I have no desire to be screwed up or non functioning on them or anything stronger...but I know that is coming and it scares the hell out of me. I had a "little" wd time before after about 3 weeks on the same dosage. It was terrible...not horrific...like I am expecting this one to be. I am so scared and feel like such an unbelieveable loser. I do have a belief in God, and in fact when not taking the pills I am a spiritual seeker dabbling in all ideas, theories & practices of how to make a better concious contact with Him and live in His presence. However, the desire and the practice for that goes away when I am using because I feel so good, things with me & Him must be good. I know this is false....I MISS HIM! but I am so scared of what I am about to go thru. NO ONE in my life knows what I have been doing and I can't face the disappointment and shame. It will absolutely crush my husband and my parents. I am so sorry that I did this to myself and the fear of what the next week holds for me is absolutely terrifying. I will take the advise for ideas of how to cope and I will pray. I just wanted to say thank you for all the words of encouragement that you have said to others that I am taking the liberty to take for myself.

Hi scard
Im not Robert but, I wanted you to know your not alone out there...
I went thru those w/d also...your going to be OK...
have you read about the Thomise recipe...
It can help a little...
Let us know how you are doing...
Melinda

[ScaredOutofMyMind]

I was researching that to make a shopping list for tomorrow while you were responding. I just hope I am not too sick to drive. Everything I have read says that the wd starts between 6 and 12 hours after the last dose. It's been 12 hours and other than being totally emotionally trashed with guilt and shame I am not having any other symptoms...YET!. I am just trying to brace myself for the inevitable. Eating tons of bananas and liquid protein,,,staying away from red meat....lots of fish oil and B vitamins which I already take on a daily basis. I will pick up the other stuff in the recipe tomorrow. Thank you for your reply...It is very nice to know that at least one other person in this world is aware of what is going on with me....very nice....not so lonely

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by ScaredOutofMyMind

I was researching that to make a shopping list for tomorrow while you were responding. I just hope I am not too sick to drive. Everything I have read says that the wd starts between 6 and 12 hours after the last dose. It's been 12 hours and other than being totally emotionally trashed with guilt and shame I am not having any other symptoms...YET!. I am just trying to brace myself for the inevitable. Eating tons of bananas and liquid protein,,,staying away from red meat....lots of fish oil and B vitamins which I already take on a daily basis. I will pick up the other stuff in the recipe tomorrow. Thank you for your reply...It is very nice to know that at least one other person in this world is aware of what is going on with me....very nice....not so lonely

Hi scard
We all get emotional
when were in w/d its OK...just let it all out then you can settle in for what I say will be a bad flu...you can handle that right....
Don't be scared there are a ton of us on here that will be happy to share there stories of w/d...LOL
If I can tell you one thing to get on the Thomas recipe it would be the imodium....trust me...LOL....
just take it one hour at a time..your going to be OK I promise...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[ScaredOutofMyMind]

Good Morning, I am still waiting for the other shoe to fall. I am still very emotional, crying at the drop of a hat. But I slept thru the night which was surprising. I didn't take anything for sleep. Just some herbal tea. I was expecting to be woken up in the middle of the night with some of the symptoms. This morning I am having some all over tingly skin crawlies, joint achiness, minor lower abdomen cramping (but got my period so I am not sure how much of that is from withdrawal) nothing major though and the area of my body (neck, sholder, arm and hand) that I was taking the vicodin for in the first place is in alot of pain but I have been reading about how your brain tells you you are in more pain than you really are so you will take more pills, so I am trying to ride it out and see if I can get it tolerable without narcotic meds. Which is easier without them around, if I fill my refill I know it would be impossible. My stool is softer than it had been for the last month but nothing I need imodium for...still have it on hand for when it starts!....its been 24 hours...when is the hell going to start? I prayed this morning about how grateful I am that I was able to sleep last night and asked for the strength to stay away from the pills just for today. Am going out to breakfast with my folks....Dear God please don't let it start in the restaurant...and then I am going to take my pooches for a nice long walk....if I am able to....this waiting for this hell on top of the pain I am in is brutal. From what I have read from about now until Friday is when it will peak. I absolutely hate living in fear BUT I haven't lost sight of the fact that I did this to myself. So much so that the self loathing is almost more than I can stand. Can't look in the mirror without crying. Well I am going to go cram as much living into each moment as I can before I get sick and can't. Will check in later. I don't know if anyone is even going to read this, but I feel better getting it out and down on e paper. LOL

[JustQuitting]

Just thought I'd let y'all know I'm doing OK - day 9 & no more w/d symptoms. Gladly the doc was wrong about that, lol. I did find an old script from December in one of my purses when I was switching them this past Sunday...I looked & looked at that thing for about 2 hours on & off, but finally BURNED the damn thing so I wouldn't be tempted to fill it!

For those of you just now thinking about quitting, it CAN be done cold turkey, although I wouldn't highly recommend it, LOL. But at the time I quit Sunday a week ago, I didn't know about the sub-whatever it is (can't find the name of the drug on this page & will lose all I type if I go back)...not sure I'd have wanted to go that route anyway, what with it showing up on my insurance history. Also, taking most of the things mentioned in the Thomas Recipe really did help me a LOT. So others may think about using that, too, if they're reading about it and wondering if it really does help. I'm also taking Milk Thistle for my liver - just in case, lol.

Due to the nature of my job, I can't get out yet and do any physical exercise, but when the time changes in a couple of weeks I'll be able to start walking again (I am not a morning person). I used to walk 4 miles a day & never, ever missed unless it was thundering & lightning. Looking forward to doing that again...Nevertheless, I'm totally surprised at how much better I already feel - just drives home how out of it I have been for the past 22 months!!!

Praying for HopeFloats....kinda worried about her not posting anymore...

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by JustQuitting

Just thought I'd let y'all know I'm doing OK - day 9 & no more w/d symptoms. Gladly the doc was wrong about that, lol. I did find an old script from December in one of my purses when I was switching them this past Sunday...I looked & looked at that thing for about 2 hours on & off, but finally BURNED the damn thing so I wouldn't be tempted to fill it!

For those of you just now thinking about quitting, it CAN be done cold turkey, although I wouldn't highly recommend it, LOL. But at the time I quit Sunday a week ago, I didn't know about the sub-whatever it is (can't find the name of the drug on this page & will lose all I type if I go back)...not sure I'd have wanted to go that route anyway, what with it showing up on my insurance history. Also, taking most of the things mentioned in the Thomas Recipe really did help me a LOT. So others may think about using that, too, if they're reading about it and wondering if it really does help. I'm also taking Milk Thistle for my liver - just in case, lol.

Due to the nature of my job, I can't get out yet and do any physical exercise, but when the time changes in a couple of weeks I'll be able to start walking again (I am not a morning person). I used to walk 4 miles a day & never, ever missed unless it was thundering & lightning. Looking forward to doing that again...Nevertheless, I'm totally surprised at how much better I already feel - just drives home how out of it I have been for the past 22 months!!!

Praying for HopeFloats....kinda worried about her not posting anymore...

It's very cool that you stopped cold turkey. It can definitely be done if a person is focused and refuses to use no matter what. Congratulations on your nine days. Lots of people can relate to someone with nine days where they won't relate with me, I'm glad you are feeling so much better. You never have to use again. God bless.

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by JustQuitting

Just thought I'd let y'all know I'm doing OK - day 9 & no more w/d symptoms. Gladly the doc was wrong about that, lol. I did find an old script from December in one of my purses when I was switching them this past Sunday...I looked & looked at that thing for about 2 hours on & off, but finally BURNED the damn thing so I wouldn't be tempted to fill it!

For those of you just now thinking about quitting, it CAN be done cold turkey, although I wouldn't highly recommend it, LOL. But at the time I quit Sunday a week ago, I didn't know about the sub-whatever it is (can't find the name of the drug on this page & will lose all I type if I go back)...not sure I'd have wanted to go that route anyway, what with it showing up on my insurance history. Also, taking most of the things mentioned in the Thomas Recipe really did help me a LOT. So others may think about using that, too, if they're reading about it and wondering if it really does help. I'm also taking Milk Thistle for my liver - just in case, lol.

Due to the nature of my job, I can't get out yet and do any physical exercise, but when the time changes in a couple of weeks I'll be able to start walking again (I am not a morning person). I used to walk 4 miles a day & never, ever missed unless it was thundering & lightning. Looking forward to doing that again...Nevertheless, I'm totally surprised at how much better I already feel - just drives home how out of it I have been for the past 22 months!!!

Praying for HopeFloats....kinda worried about her not posting anymore...

Hi JustQuitting
You really should be proud of yourself...burning that script...good for you
The really good thing about cold turkey is your done in only a week...
You dont have to drag it out...
OH yea...how did the quiting smoking go...
I used the chantix to quit...it worked good for me...
Talk to you later, We sure are proud of you...
Melinda

[JustQuitting]

Thanks Robert & Melinda, soon to be newlyweds. It was tough going cold turkey, but I know it was worth it now. Thank God I didn't find that old script last week during the worst of it, lol. I'd like to think I'd have been strong enough even then to burn it while in the midst of w/d, but who knows...By Sunday when I found it all of the horrible physical feelings were still fresh in my mind & that gave me the strength to resist.

Both of you are to commended for the wonderful work you do here. I had googled withdrawal the Sunday I quit & this chat site came up. I read all afternoon and was encouraged by your posts (as well as those of others here) and it really did give me the courage to go on & quit. Well, this place, all of the posters here, and a lot of thinking & praying...Some of the posts made me realize that I could have gotten a lot worse if I didn't go on and stop it NOW. I'm also glad that there was no way I could buy drugs off the street here (I live in a very small town & wouldn't know who to ask anyway, lol).

PS - I'll work on the smoking SOON, lol. One thing at a time...at least that's my last vice as I don't drink!