[AmberIsFlippingOUT]

Thanks so much guys, I ended up skpping the pantry and falling asleep for 3 hours after downing a double dose of calming tea and some Klonopin followed by some rapid release Tylenol. I woke up with charlie horses freaking out but they of course went away after about 10 min. I'm back to feeling pretty lousy, while it feels like I'm just so exhausted I can't go back to sleep. I guess the word is lethargic.. I burst into tears thinking about making dinner a few minutes ago.

The fiance went to Chamberins for me (he surprises me occasionally with how he's taking this and helping as best he can consodering he's never touched a drug in his life). Got me everything on the Thomas Recipe list, went and bought OJ and foods that should be easier to keep down. I made him get the Immodium AD ( just in case lol).


alrighty so I haven't killed anyone yet or thrown any sharp objects.. but wow is my temper short plus I am super sensitive to every word out of his mouth. I feel awful for him as well, he never saw it coming.

I'm gonna go attempt a warm shower or bath and try dinner. <3

** edit

I apologize for all the spelling and grammar opsies, I'm usually obsessed with getting it right but today I'm like screw it lol

[melinda7.5]

Hi Amber, everything your feeling is right on track for withdrawals...LOL
I wish you could have seen me...Oh man I was a nut case for awhile...
Just remember every minute that passes is a minute closer to your freedom of this nightmare...
If you need to let the kids have a bowl of cereal for dinner...Im sure they won't mind.
You really are doing great...just a little more time and you will start feeling better..
and take some potassium for those Charlie horses...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[JustQuitting]

I was thinking about you while cooking my own dinner & wondered if maybe your (wonderful sounding) fiance would take your kids out for dinner if he can for a night or two. It might help you to not have so much to do and also to have some alone time, for ranting or crying. BTW, I really admire someone going through this that has kids to watch over during all of this - I only have 3 animals depending on me & it's not nearly the same level of responsibility. (they also got fussed at over nothing at my worst, lol)

The hot baths helped me a lot those first few days. Had a friend of mine come over & turn up the thermostat on my water heater when I kept running out of enough hot water...

[Freedom4me]

Amber,
You can do this. I am on day 15 and am soooooooo happy I did this. It does get better i promise. There are fantastic people here that will talk you through this. Stay strong. There is light at the end of the tunnel!!!!

[Lou88]

This is day #4 of being off vicodin 7.5's doing about 4-5 per day. I quit cold turkey so I have been feeling it. It feels like my body wants to crawl out of my skin. I have also heard the worst is the first 48 to 72 hours. I still don't feel that great, but I used for 3 years.

I cannot seek professional help with stopping the "evil pills" because of my profession---11 years of school would be down the drain. I have one friend who knows I'm going through detox.

I pray tomorrow will be better because I'm not taking those things again!!!

[Freedom4me]

Originally Posted by Lou88

This is day #4 of being off vicodin 7.5's doing about 4-5 per day. I quit cold turkey so I have been feeling it. It feels like my body wants to crawl out of my skin. I have also heard the worst is the first 48 to 72 hours. I still don't feel that great, but I used for 3 years.

I cannot seek professional help with stopping the "evil pills" because of my profession---11 years of school would be down the drain. I have one friend who knows I'm going through detox.

I pray tomorrow will be better because I'm not taking those things again!!!

Lou,
That is great news. I think your hardest days are behind you but everyone is different. Hot, hot showers really help and drink tons of water. When my insomnia got really bad I would try some Nyquil and it helped. IT WILL GET BETTER and the people here will really inspire you. I read for hours and didn't feel so alone in my misery. Good luck and keep posting. You are not alone.

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by Lou88

This is day #4 of being off vicodin 7.5's doing about 4-5 per day. I quit cold turkey so I have been feeling it. It feels like my body wants to crawl out of my skin. I have also heard the worst is the first 48 to 72 hours. I still don't feel that great, but I used for 3 years.

I cannot seek professional help with stopping the "evil pills" because of my profession---11 years of school would be down the drain. I have one friend who knows I'm going through detox.

I pray tomorrow will be better because I'm not taking those things again!!!

Hi Lou
I just wanted to jump in and give you some cheering on...
You really are doing great...I had a three year addiction also...man am I glad that is over I never want to go back there...
Im going to pull up the Thomas recipe for you...
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

Thomas Detox Recipe
PLEASE NOTE: I am not a doctor, simply a long-time Rx opiate junkie who has had many opportunities to develop a way to detox. This is a recipe for at-home self-detox from opiates based on my experience as well as that of many other addicts. It is not intended as professional medical advice. It is always wise to make sure none of the recipe ingredients or procedures conflict with medications you may be taking. Likewise, if you have any medical condition, disease, allergy or any other health issue, consult your doctor before using the recipe. Thanks, Thomas

This recipe is designed for cold turkey opiate detox. It assumes that you can get about 5 to 7 days away from your job or household responsibilities during which you can sleep, veg and act as miserable as you feel. Opiate WD mimics the symptoms of the common flu, so, if you need a smokescreen, hide behind a bad case of the flu.

If you can't take time off to detox, I recommend you follow a taper regimen using your drug of choice or suitable alternate -- the slower the taper, the better.

For the Recipe, You'll need
Valium (or another benzodiazepine such as Klonopin, Librium, Ativan or Xanax). Of these, Valium and Klonopin are best suited for tapering since they come in tablet form. Librium is also an excellent detox benzo, but comes in capsules, making it hard to taper the dose. Ativan or Xanax should only be used if you can't get one of the others.
Imodium (over the counter, any drug or grocery store). [generic brand anti-diarrheal is fine. Don't take it unless really uncomfortable]
L-Tyrosine* (500 mg caps) from the health food store.* [See Warning]
Strong wide-spectrum mineral supplement with at least 100% RDA of Zinc, Phosphorus, Copper and Magnesium.
Vitamin B6 caps. [or stress B-complex?]
Access to hot baths or a Jacuzzi (or hot showers if that's all that's available). [many gyms offer free trials]
How to use the recipe
Begin your detox with regular doses of Valium (or alternate benzo). Start with a dose high enough to produce sleep. Before you use any benzo, make sure you're aware of how often it can be safely taken. Different benzos have different dosing schedules. Taper your Valium dosage down after each day. The goal is to get through day 4, after which the worst W/D symptoms will subside. You shouldn't need the Valium after day 4 or 5. [melatonin worked well after day 4 for me. Sleeplessness sometimes hangs on awhile]

During detox, hit the hot bath or Jacuzzi as often as you need to for muscle aches. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of hot soaks. Spend the entire time, if necessary, in a hot bath. This simple method will alleviate what is for many the worst opiate W/D symptom. [I like Epsom salts in the tub. Forces Magnesium into the muscles]

Use the Imodium aggressively to stop the runs. Take as much as you need, as often as you need it. DON'T TAKE IT, however, if you don't need it.[Diarrhea is the bodies way to aid in the detox so take Immodium or generic for the comfort factor, if needed]

At the end of the fourth day, you should be waking up from the Valium and experiencing the beginnings of the opiate W/D malaise. Upon rising (empty stomach), take the L-Tyrosine*. Try 2000 mg, and scale up or down, depending on how you feel. You can take up to 4,000 mg. Take the L-Tyrosine* with B6 to help absorption. Wait about one hour before eating breakfast. The L-Tyrosine* will give you a surge of physical and mental energy that will help counteract the malaise. You may continue to take it each morning for as long as it helps. If you find it gives you the "coffee jitters," consider lowering the dosage or discontinuing it altogether. Occasionally, L-Tyrosine* can cause the runs. Unlike the runs from opiate W/D, however, this effect of L-Tyrosine* is mild and normally does not return after the first hour. Lowering the dosage may help. [*Read the Warning first! *L-Tyrosine* is great. *SamE 400* mg works for mood too]

With breakfast, take the mineral supplement.

As soon as you can force yourself to, get some mild exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, etc. This will be hard at first, but will make you feel considerably better. [Walking gets the blood and lymph systems working, helping you detox better.]

PLEASE NOTE: If you have any medical complications, first check with your doctor before detoxing to verify that this regimen is safe for you. [Very important note]

[WARNING If you are on anti-Depressants, use medical supervision on L-Tyrosine, SamE and all mood enhancers. There can be a risk if taking L-Tyrosine, 5 HTP if you are on a tricyclic or a MAIO antidepressant's ...It can cause a spike in blood pressure.]

[Anglfangs]

Originally Posted by xcalibure

Does anyone know how long the withdrawal from 6 to 8 Percocet or Vicodin (not both) per day for a little over a year is? I quit cold turkey last Thursday (one week today) and I still feel bad.

Not saying I want to get narcotics, I'm done with those, period but I dont want a serious problem thrown off as more drug seeking.

About two to three weeks on the physical symptoms(pain,being tired during the day or un-motivated feeling, stomach problems) , besides sleep. Your sleep could be thrown off for up to six months and hopefully it is the only thing you are taking daily that is narcotic if you are tryingto quit. Taking Pecocet and Vicodin regularly sounds more like an addiction to opiates and not one type of Drug. If you quit cold turkey a week ago do not start again....you are almost in the clear on feeling like ********. Seriously!

About pain and going to the doctor. Make sure the pain isn't from using opiates for a year. They can cause pain after long term use that will go away. It can even cause a major pain in specific areas like your legs. If you are really injured there are non-narcotic pain relievers and anti-inflammitories that work. Ask about Ultram, that has worked for many people I know with opiate problems. There are other options just ask your doctor. They will probably try to help a lot more if you tell them you want a Non-narcotic. It proves you aren't looking to get "high". Hope that helped some....

[melinda7.5]

Hi Anglfangs
Did you know your posting on something that is from 2006...
just thought is was kind of funny...
Talk to youlater, Melinda

[Anglfangs]

You do not need to detox. You have made it through a week. I would reccomend the Vitamins B6 B12 maybe a multi vitamin and some antioxidants to cleanse your system but you are through the worst. If you start this home detox then you will have to get off of the Valium or what ever Bezodiazepine you were told to take. Stick with Tylenol PM to try to sleep, not another narcotic. I would use the sauna or hot-tub, hot shower whatever you have to sweat it out. Other than that I see no need to detox, just cleanse the body more.

[Anglfangs]

Sorry Melinda...lol I just started using this thread. I went to new posts but it appartently sent me somewhere else. I was justtrying to be nice....sorry to offend.lol just not used to this site yet.

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by Anglfangs

Sorry Melinda...lol I just started using this thread. I went to new posts but it appartently sent me somewhere else. I was justtrying to be nice....sorry to offend.lol just not used to this site yet.

Hi anglfangs
Its ok... WELCOME to the site glad to have you...
keep posting...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[Lou88]

Some things I felt were helpful in dealing with the withdrawal symptoms were:

1. Vernors for the upset stomach
2. Seaweed body wrap with 1/2 hour massage. The seaweed wrap detoxifies the body and is warm which helps with the chills.
3. Smoking medical marajuana helps take the edge off for a few minutes and helps with sleep.
4. Exercise. It naturally raises the brains endorphine levels---when a person has been taking opiates for a prolonged period of time, the brain stops producing it's own natural endorphines (because the pills are providing the endorphines).
5. Hot showers, sauna, hottub.

Unfortunately these are only temporary comforts until the withdrawal symptoms subside....one minute at a time...

[Lou88]

Originally Posted by Freedom4me

Lou,
That is great news. I think your hardest days are behind you but everyone is different. Hot, hot showers really help and drink tons of water. When my insomnia got really bad I would try some Nyquil and it helped. IT WILL GET BETTER and the people here will really inspire you. I read for hours and didn't feel so alone in my misery. Good luck and keep posting. You are not alone.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. When I get to feeling sorry for myself I just remember I'm not the only one, it helps keep me strong. I don't ever want to go back to feeling like ******** unless I have a vic in me, or being moody, or suppressing my sex drive. I don't want to go back to stealing pills, spending tons of $$ on it, hiding from people. I can't work out like I used to since I've been taking the vics.

I'm tired of living a double life, I'm lucky I have'nt lost anything yet, that's why I'm doing this on my own. My boyfriend who loves me dearly has no idea I'Ve been addicted to those pills---now I;m going through withdrawals without him knowing too!

[Lou88]

Originally Posted by melinda7.5

Hi Lou
I just wanted to jump in and give you some cheering on...
You really are doing great...I had a three year addiction also...man am I glad that is over I never want to go back there...
Im going to pull up the Thomas recipe for you...
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

Thomas Detox Recipe
PLEASE NOTE: I am not a doctor, simply a long-time Rx opiate junkie who has had many opportunities to develop a way to detox. This is a recipe for at-home self-detox from opiates based on my experience as well as that of many other addicts. It is not intended as professional medical advice. It is always wise to make sure none of the recipe ingredients or procedures conflict with medications you may be taking. Likewise, if you have any medical condition, disease, allergy or any other health issue, consult your doctor before using the recipe. Thanks, Thomas

This recipe is designed for cold turkey opiate detox. It assumes that you can get about 5 to 7 days away from your job or household responsibilities during which you can sleep, veg and act as miserable as you feel. Opiate WD mimics the symptoms of the common flu, so, if you need a smokescreen, hide behind a bad case of the flu.

If you can't take time off to detox, I recommend you follow a taper regimen using your drug of choice or suitable alternate -- the slower the taper, the better.

For the Recipe, You'll need
Valium (or another benzodiazepine such as Klonopin, Librium, Ativan or Xanax). Of these, Valium and Klonopin are best suited for tapering since they come in tablet form. Librium is also an excellent detox benzo, but comes in capsules, making it hard to taper the dose. Ativan or Xanax should only be used if you can't get one of the others.
Imodium (over the counter, any drug or grocery store). [generic brand anti-diarrheal is fine. Don't take it unless really uncomfortable]
L-Tyrosine* (500 mg caps) from the health food store.* [See Warning]
Strong wide-spectrum mineral supplement with at least 100% RDA of Zinc, Phosphorus, Copper and Magnesium.
Vitamin B6 caps. [or stress B-complex?]
Access to hot baths or a Jacuzzi (or hot showers if that's all that's available). [many gyms offer free trials]
How to use the recipe
Begin your detox with regular doses of Valium (or alternate benzo). Start with a dose high enough to produce sleep. Before you use any benzo, make sure you're aware of how often it can be safely taken. Different benzos have different dosing schedules. Taper your Valium dosage down after each day. The goal is to get through day 4, after which the worst W/D symptoms will subside. You shouldn't need the Valium after day 4 or 5. [melatonin worked well after day 4 for me. Sleeplessness sometimes hangs on awhile]

During detox, hit the hot bath or Jacuzzi as often as you need to for muscle aches. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of hot soaks. Spend the entire time, if necessary, in a hot bath. This simple method will alleviate what is for many the worst opiate W/D symptom. [I like Epsom salts in the tub. Forces Magnesium into the muscles]

Use the Imodium aggressively to stop the runs. Take as much as you need, as often as you need it. DON'T TAKE IT, however, if you don't need it.[Diarrhea is the bodies way to aid in the detox so take Immodium or generic for the comfort factor, if needed]

At the end of the fourth day, you should be waking up from the Valium and experiencing the beginnings of the opiate W/D malaise. Upon rising (empty stomach), take the L-Tyrosine*. Try 2000 mg, and scale up or down, depending on how you feel. You can take up to 4,000 mg. Take the L-Tyrosine* with B6 to help absorption. Wait about one hour before eating breakfast. The L-Tyrosine* will give you a surge of physical and mental energy that will help counteract the malaise. You may continue to take it each morning for as long as it helps. If you find it gives you the "coffee jitters," consider lowering the dosage or discontinuing it altogether. Occasionally, L-Tyrosine* can cause the runs. Unlike the runs from opiate W/D, however, this effect of L-Tyrosine* is mild and normally does not return after the first hour. Lowering the dosage may help. [*Read the Warning first! *L-Tyrosine* is great. *SamE 400* mg works for mood too]

With breakfast, take the mineral supplement.

As soon as you can force yourself to, get some mild exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, etc. This will be hard at first, but will make you feel considerably better. [Walking gets the blood and lymph systems working, helping you detox better.]

PLEASE NOTE: If you have any medical complications, first check with your doctor before detoxing to verify that this regimen is safe for you. [Very important note]

[WARNING If you are on anti-Depressants, use medical supervision on L-Tyrosine, SamE and all mood enhancers. There can be a risk if taking L-Tyrosine, 5 HTP if you are on a tricyclic or a MAIO antidepressant's ...It can cause a spike in blood pressure.]

Thanks Melinda, reading that you are glad it's over and you never want to go back there is inspiring--gives me hope. I'm afraid once I feel better I'll miss it--like drinking coffee with it in the morning and watching a movie on Saturdays.
I do want my life back, my emotions, Thank you

[dago77]

...I hope everyone is doing well here. I just wanted to post to give anyone just getting started some hope. Tomorrow will be 22 days clean. It gets better. You just cant give up! I know its hard and it seems like you will never be normal again. This probally will be a battle for me for a long time. But I have had enough. I cant ever go back, it will do what ever it takes! Good luckto everyone just getting started. Hang in there. And everyone else also.

..Justquitting we are pretty close with 22 days! You really need to hang in there!!! I know you can do it!

...Hopefloats are you feeling normal yet? Are you still counting the seconds??? HAHA I read all your posts, I dont think you were that bad off. If your not 100% yet, you will be soon I promise!

Hang in there everyone!

Ryan

[Freedom4me]

Originally Posted by Lou88

Thanks for the words of encouragement. When I get to feeling sorry for myself I just remember I'm not the only one, it helps keep me strong. I don't ever want to go back to feeling like ******** unless I have a vic in me, or being moody, or suppressing my sex drive. I don't want to go back to stealing pills, spending tons of $$ on it, hiding from people. I can't work out like I used to since I've been taking the vics.

I'm tired of living a double life, I'm lucky I have'nt lost anything yet, that's why I'm doing this on my own. My boyfriend who loves me dearly has no idea I'Ve been addicted to those pills---now I;m going through withdrawals without him knowing too!

Lou,
I think when you make it through this you will be very proud of yourself. It is exhausting beating yourself up for your weaknesses. When we hide and do things we are not proud of our self esteem suffers thus making the pills our only source of feeling good. Keep fighting. Everyone here knows what you are going through and is very proud of you. You need to be careful though. When you get past all the w/d's and feeling ********py and start to feel like your old self you will want to take the pills again. Especially if it was a long term habit. That is when you need to be the strongest. Don't fool yourself into thinking you will only use a little. Doesn't happen. I am a little over 2 weeks without them, I feel great, and I still think about how I would love love to take them to ease the pain in my back. I know that if I do, I will be right back where I started, developing a tolerence for them and taking them anyway. Keep us posted on how you are doing. You are not alone.

[Freedom4me]

Originally Posted by Lou88

This is day #4 of being off vicodin 7.5's doing about 4-5 per day. I quit cold turkey so I have been feeling it. It feels like my body wants to crawl out of my skin. I have also heard the worst is the first 48 to 72 hours. I still don't feel that great, but I used for 3 years.

I cannot seek professional help with stopping the "evil pills" because of my profession---11 years of school would be down the drain. I have one friend who knows I'm going through detox.

I pray tomorrow will be better because I'm not taking those things again!!!

Lou,
just curious. Your post makes me wonder if you are in the medical profession. If you are you will have to be extra careful if it is an environment where you can get the pills easily. I don't know if this is true but wanted to touch on it. God bless.

[dezz1801]

First off, I'd like to say thank GOD there is a group of people willing to help out others. I've never felt so beat down in my life, and after spending a few hours reading the posts here, I truely feel a lot better.

So here's my story. My very first encounter with pain medications was 5 and a half years ago when I had a c-section with my daughter. A few months later, I found myself in a whirl wind of female problems. I was prescribed Hydrocodone and was on it for almost a year before my issue was solved by a partial hystorectomy. I was 21. I continued on the pain medications because in my head, I wasn't right...and dealing with the emotional part of what I had just gone through was unbareable. The pain meds made me function, although I didn't need them anymore.

I was on them off and on for a few years...finding any excuse to go to the dr to get more. Then on a wonderful trip to Hawaii, I ended up in the hospital with gallbladder issues. I was sent home and ended up having my gallbladder removed...and back on pain meds again. I'm fully convinced that the years of abusing pain meds is what made my gallbladder give out...call me crazy.

Then I wound up with a plantar's wart on my foot, which I ignored, because at this point I had stopped the pain meds again and was terrified of going to the dr. But it got to the point where I couldn't walk. So I went to a foot doctor. He took care of it, and again, pain meds. But he also suggested that my toes needed correcting because I had bad feet as well. Thanks Doc. So of course I take his advice and get the surgery on BOTH feet at the same time. Stronger pain meds...AGAIN.

I finally quit. I went home and got off of the pills for almost a year. Then relapsed bad. This was only a few months ago. It's an on and off thing. I'll find some from either someone or going to the dr and take them for a few days...then stop. Then get tired of the w/d's and take them again for a few more days and then stop.

I'm beyond tired of this cycle. When I quit for almost a year, everything in my life was going right. Here I am, about to be 26, and have nothing to show for it. I lost my daughter because of it, a great job, a lot of friends and family...it's a completely depressing thing.

I'm officially 3 days off of the pills and I've finally decided I AM STRONGER THAN THIS!!! My withdrawals this time aren't as bad as they have been before. It's more the mental thing than anything else. I'm completely alone in my fight right now...and the only comfort I've had in days is reading this forum.

So thanks to all that have posted. This is IT for me. I can't keep doing this to myself or my family. My daughter is my world, and it kills me knowing I had a choice...and well, I'm sure you all know what I'm saying. I've gone for drives, walks, hot showers, watching movies or tv, anything to try to keep my mind right. I almost slipped today and went to the dr. I pulled in the parking lot and turned right around...and cried the whole way. I know this will get better. I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one feeling the way that I am.

Thanks for reading...

[melinda7.5]

Hi dezz
I'm so sorry..I totally understand..I had a three year addiction to pain pills...
and I know I made allot of bad choices,,,
The good news is you can get clean and turn every thing around and you will be surprised how fast you can do it...
You can get you Daughter back and make her proud...
every time you think about those devil pills...just think about how bad you will let her down and how bad she needs her mom...
we are all here to help you along...
all you have to do is post and someone will be here for you...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[JustQuitting]

Hey Dezz,

I've been there too, not so long ago (5 weeks this past Sunday was my quit date).

In the time I've been here, mostly reading, I've noticed time & time again how most people write about being so tired of the way the drugs make them feel, even when they first began taking them for legitimate pain issues. Just goes to show you how the body will "tell" you when you're treating it wrong. Short term use when necessary is OK, and even some people NEED to be on pills long term, but most of us started out needing the drugs and ended up just liking them. It eventually catches up with you and the house of cards comes crashing down.

You can overcome this & most likely in the future have a real shot at getting your daughter back if you straighten out the rest of your life first. I have a friend whose granddaughter lost her baby due to drugs (not prescription) and she's yet to learn her lesson, so probably won't ever get her child back. But the judge told her over & over that she had to have an established job and show that she could care for the child before he'd consider giving her custody again. She's the one that chose to blow it - you don't have to go down that road if you don't want to. But you do have to fix YOU first.

I also understand your feelings after going thru a partial hysterectomy at such a young age. I was never able to have children (lost 3) and it really tore me up. Luckily back then I had a smart doctor that only prescribed Valium for a short while, so I didn't get on my road to pill addiction until nearly 2 years ago.

It sounds like you're ready to end the cycle of popping the pills. They do help numb EVERYTHING, including your mind, and it's not until we're ready to deal with the underlying problem(s) that we're usually able to quit successfully. That can involve taking a good long hard look at yourself in the mirror. I think with me, part of the reason I kept going back to the doc for pills was the unexpected death of my father. I was still having pain from my bulging disc in my neck, but looking back since I've been clean, I do wonder if I was unconsciously causing some of that pain to recur (by doing things I shouldn't have done) so I could numb myself up & not have to deal with his death...I had an epidural shot in my neck in January & it's wearing off already, but I'm NOT going back on the pills. I'll deal with the pain with Motrin and ice until I can get another shot. I'm hesitant about even doing that, as I've read the cortisone in them can really mess with your bones...hopefully when I finish my busy season at work next month & am not on the computer so much, entering data all day 10 + hours per day, the pain will subside again.

I'll be praying for you! We're here if you need to talk.

PS - Hey Melinda, I'm back - and I noticed now I'm a "junior member" lol

[dezz1801]

To both of you...SERIOUSLY THANK YOU!!!!

I got asked to go to church tonight by someone I hardly even know. She called out of the blue and asked if I wanted to go with her. I probably should have, but I didn't. I'm terrified to face this head on at the moment. And she has NO idea what's going on with me...I should have taken that as a sign I guess...perhaps next time.

So since my last post the weirdest thing happend. My heart started racing REALLY fast and I felt like I was about to have a flippin heart attack! Is this normal? After all the w/d episodes I've had, this has NEVER happend before. And sleep seems to be a distant thing right now. I feel like my legs wanna run a marathon. Those are about the only two things that are making me feel like this is impossible.

But I know as soon as I take another pill, I'll get mad at myself again and realize how much it's not worth it...yet again.

I do feel a little better mentally. I went and got some Starbucks and just sat outside for a while. That seemed to help. I'm thinking of going to the doctor and being upfront and honest about my situation and getting some help. I don't know that I can do this on my own. I've tried over and over and over again and failed every single time.

They say you have to hit rock bottom to stop. God I hope this is it, because I know deep down I won't make it like this. Everytime it gets at it's worse I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I'm stronger than this. I didn't have a horrible childhood, I didn't have a really HUGE tragedy in my life. And like a previous post, this all got started because of a neccessity. And then turned into a physical dependancy, then a mental. I think it's now more physical that's MAKING it mental. It's so strange how your preception of pain changes once you get hooked on this devil drug. What used to be an ache in my back that I would deal with by taking advil or something is now something that I had myself CONVINCED that nothing will work other than a prescription drug. I could stub my toe and tell myself, "OH NO, TIME TO GET MORE MEDS...TOO MUCH PAIN". I feel totally rediculous.

Not to mention the mood swings. I forgot what it's like to be naturally happy, or naturally mad. I can't believe I let this get out of control. But I'm ready...I really am. I'm tired of the cycle. And again, I truely feel beat down. I look worse than I EVER have, I feel worse than I ever have, and I most certainly am disappointed in myself. I'm a better mom than this. And I know it. Anyway, I guess I had to vent again haha!

Any opinions on going to a doctor and fess up would be great. Or should I just try to stick it out. I think I'm having anxiety, which I suppose is normal, but the not sleeping thing is driving me literally NUTS. I'm about to go get some Nyquil and see how that works.

Thanks again guys...it's great to have some support through such a trying time!

[melinda7.5]

Hi dezz
I would tell you doc...when I told mine she was doing everything in her power to help me she gave me ambien to sleep...some of them are good...
The more time you get behind you the better off you will be.
I know your a good mom or you wouldn't be here trying so hard...try to be kind to your self and give yourself a pat on the back..
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[dago77]

...Hi dezz, from your first post i can tell you thats pretty much how i got hooked full time. Except i had no pain, or doctors to get me started. it was all on my own, just because I liked the feeling. Im sure a lot of others would say the same. I use to go back and forth, quit and get back on. The cycle will only get worse and may become a full time deal unless you walk away now. FOR GOOD! I dont know how much you were taking or what you would get out of going to a doctor. besides getting perscibed Suboxon from a Dr. who probally would start you out on way to much and give you bad advise on how to take it. It sounds like you have not got completley out of control just yet. I know its still serious but it sounds like you could walk away now
with out a lot of pain, and just deal with some mental stuff. You are basically talking your self into taking these things. Quit now why your not that bad off dess! I know its hard, but knock it off now before it gets worse. You go a few months on these you will only be wishing you walked away when you had the chance! You can do it! GOOD LUCK

Ryan

[dezz1801]

Thanks Melinda...

I'm tryin not to beat myself up too much...but I DID get myself in this mess. Ambien would be great right about now. I'll call tomorrow and see if I can get an appointment. Yikes! Kinda not looking forward to that. Because up until now, the only time I've been completely open about this, is on here! Ha!

Talk to you guys soon!

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by dezz1801

Thanks Melinda...

I'm tryin not to beat myself up too much...but I DID get myself in this mess. Ambien would be great right about now. I'll call tomorrow and see if I can get an appointment. Yikes! Kinda not looking forward to that. Because up until now, the only time I've been completely open about this, is on here! Ha!

Talk to you guys soon!

OK well I have to admit I went to my family doctor to spill my guts not the one that gave me all the drugs in the first place...I was a chicken...LOL
let us know what happens..
Talk to you later ,Melinda

[dezz1801]

Originally Posted by dago77

...Hi dezz, from your first post i can tell you thats pretty much how i got hooked full time. Except i had no pain, or doctors to get me started. it was all on my own, just because I liked the feeling. Im sure a lot of others would say the same. I use to go back and forth, quit and get back on. The cycle will only get worse and may become a full time deal unless you walk away now. FOR GOOD! I dont know how much you were taking or what you would get out of going to a doctor. besides getting perscibed Suboxon from a Dr. who probally would start you out on way to much and give you bad advise on how to take it. It sounds like you have not got completley out of control just yet. I know its still serious but it sounds like you could walk away now
with out a lot of pain, and just deal with some mental stuff. You are basically talking your self into taking these things. Quit now why your not that bad off dess! I know its hard, but knock it off now before it gets worse. You go a few months on these you will only be wishing you walked away when you had the chance! You can do it! GOOD LUCK

Ryan

Thanks Ryan...

I was reading your other posts just a moment ago, and first off CONGRATS! I wish I was that far out right about now. Really the only thing getting to me is the no sleep thing. I feel like it's rolling downhill and affecting everything else I'm going through...if that makes sense. I kinda don't think Subs is for me. At my worst I was taking about 10-15 hydrocodone a day. Gah it makes me sick even thinking about it. Right now, if I am on it...I take about 4-6 a day. I haven't taken anything since Sunday...so I'm about 3 days off. But I've slept MAYBE 6 hours in the last 2 days.

I've been taking Asprin and Tylenol to help out with the aches. Hot showers, walks, things of that sort. I tried Tylenol PM last night, and it made me sleepy, but anxious at the same time. So I didn't really sleep. I kinda don't remember this being a problem along with the anxiety the last times I've tried to stop. And that seems to be the only w/d symptoms I have this time. No chills, no hotflashes, no cold sweats, no sick feeling. My energy is low, but I think that's more because of the lack of sleep.

So after ready what you and Melinda have had to say, I think I'll talk to my doctor and see what happends. I really hope he doesn't put me on Subs. I've never known anyone to take them, and I don't really know what to expect. I'd rather just get help with the "symptoms" I do have. I guess we'll see...

Wish me luck!!!!

[dezz1801]

Originally Posted by melinda7.5

OK well I have to admit I went to my family doctor to spill my guts not the one that gave me all the drugs in the first place...I was a chicken...LOL
let us know what happens..
Talk to you later ,Melinda

Well in my case, I went to minor emergency clinics or pain mangement dr's. Never have had a family doctor. So perhaps I'll start new with someone and tell them. For some reason, it's easier to tell complete strangers than someone I'm familiar with. Hopefully they'll be able to get me in ASAP. Seems most dr's out here have a wait period...we shall see!!!

[dago77]

..Hey dezz, I completley understand what your going through. If we could only sleep while going through this it would be a lot easier. I know for myself that alone causes a lot of anxiety. You cant sleep, your getting these weird pains in your chest, but at the same time you havnt slept in days and you should be dead tired! I get it, it sucks! Its all part of it. your so lucky your not feeling any pain in your lower back or knees! You mentioned you were taking 4 to 6 a day. I get those symptoms if im taking 10 a day or 1, never fails! And I know what you mean about the Tylenol pm, im not going through detox now, but i popped 2 Tpm's at 9, its now 1:45 and im wide awake. I take them every night and i dont even know why? Thank god for this site some times! Basically dezz, if you dont get any worse from you mentioned, I would say your pretty lucky. I dont get stressed over the sleep anymore and it helps to just accept that your sleeping will probally be jacked up for a while. You will sleep when your body lets you. Try not to let it beat you up mentally. You will survive if you just stay away from the pills! You have been here before, you know things will be a little weird for a while. You have to relax the best you can and just roll with it!

[dezz1801]

Ryan

Seems like you're in my head right now! I do have a lower back ache...almost like my back NEEDS to pop but it won't type thing. Which is why I'm taking the Tylenol/Asprin throughout the day. I finally slept a good while last night. Took a while to fall asleep, but once I did, I was gone. But WOW what vivid dreams! This is a new one for me too.

But I feel pretty good today. Minor headache, and backache...but still no chills or cold sweats. My stomach is a little messed up...but I'm beyond used to that. Gotta love Pepto!!!! I think I'm going to hold off on the doctor for right now. If I'm feeling a little better everyday, I'd hate to get on something and "trade addictions" so to speak. I'll check in a little later.

Thanks for the encouraging words! It is most definately the BEST DRUG I've had so far!!!!