[marie76]

Hi, I just came across your site this morning and all the posts have really hit home here. I am 32 and have had problems in the past with numerous kinds of drugs when I was in my 20's, but I kicked them all with generally no withdrawals whatsoever. (Guess I was lucky) However, I have really done some stupid things as of lately. My fiancee' (we live together) has a bad back and gets 120 10mg Percocets a month (this started around a year ago). When he first got them, I had no problem staying away from them. Then, about 8 months ago, I decided to eat one every now and then simply because I liked the feeling. No other reason. That one every now and then eventually turned into 3-4 per day (half my fiancee's script 30-40mg per day). He had no idea that I was eating them until he kept running short and like the addict that I am, I denied and denied and made him feel as if he was the one eating too many (I know - that's terrible right?). He has finally caught on and he and I talked about it and we both realize that I have a problem. I honestly don't know how I could have been so stupid. I thought all this childish nonsense was in my past. He is furious with me and feels betrayed, but he is willing to work this out. I really feel terrible about this, because he really needs them and I do not. I just couldn't help myself and I really don't know why, except that I know now that I am an addict. He now has what he has left locked up away from me and this is now day #4 without them. My main withdrawals have been the sleeplessness, diarrhea, night sweats (really bad), and being feverish. I have read over this entire thread so I know that everyone is different, so there is no telling how long this may last. I gather that the 7th day is generally when I'll feel better. I just feel horrible about myself and can't believe that I was selfish as to steal from my own fiancee'. He wants me to go to NA, but I'm not sure that is the right place for me, as I do not share well with strangers (face to face). Also, I cannot let anyone in my family or even my friends know about this as they can be terribly judgemental. Anyway, I just thought I'd share my story and tell you that this day 4 is definitely better than days 1 - 3. Days 1-3 were horrible.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by marie76

Hi, I just came across your site this morning and all the posts have really hit home here. I am 32 and have had problems in the past with numerous kinds of drugs when I was in my 20's, but I kicked them all with generally no withdrawals whatsoever. (Guess I was lucky) However, I have really done some stupid things as of lately. My fiancee' (we live together) has a bad back and gets 120 10mg Percocets a month (this started around a year ago). When he first got them, I had no problem staying away from them. Then, about 8 months ago, I decided to eat one every now and then simply because I liked the feeling. No other reason. That one every now and then eventually turned into 3-4 per day (half my fiancee's script 30-40mg per day). He had no idea that I was eating them until he kept running short and like the addict that I am, I denied and denied and made him feel as if he was the one eating too many (I know - that's terrible right?). He has finally caught on and he and I talked about it and we both realize that I have a problem. I honestly don't know how I could have been so stupid. I thought all this childish nonsense was in my past. He is furious with me and feels betrayed, but he is willing to work this out. I really feel terrible about this, because he really needs them and I do not. I just couldn't help myself and I really don't know why, except that I know now that I am an addict. He now has what he has left locked up away from me and this is now day #4 without them. My main withdrawals have been the sleeplessness, diarrhea, night sweats (really bad), and being feverish. I have read over this entire thread so I know that everyone is different, so there is no telling how long this may last. I gather that the 7th day is generally when I'll feel better. I just feel horrible about myself and can't believe that I was selfish as to steal from my own fiancee'. He wants me to go to NA, but I'm not sure that is the right place for me, as I do not share well with strangers (face to face). Also, I cannot let anyone in my family or even my friends know about this as they can be terribly judgemental. Anyway, I just thought I'd share my story and tell you that this day 4 is definitely better than days 1 - 3. Days 1-3 were horrible.

I think you're very fortunate to have a fiance who is so understanding. I would be pi$$ed if I were him, more about the deception as taking the pills from his script is really pretty sorry. He is doing without now because the person he loves stole his medication.

I'm not going to lecture, not that you don't need it, but you sit here now and wonder whether you belong in NA or not? You know what lack of control you have and wonder if you need recovery?

You can begin at meetings just listening, you aren't required to say anything. But talk about addictiive behavior? I would be insisting that you get involved in recovery as a part of your ongoing recovery if I were in his position. You are a perfect candidate for 12 step recovery. Get a sponsor, make meetings regularly (NA suggests at least 90 meetings in 90 days) and I say that is a minimum, I missed three meetings during my first two full years and then of course obtain a sponsor who can help you with beginning to work the 12 steps.

I strongly suggest you follow these suggestions. Drug induced relationships DO NOT survive as a rule. Put an end to this now while you still have time. I'm about to remarry myself and it would break my heart to find that my fiance was in trouble with the drugs more than being pissed about you taking them from me without me knowing it. Cut this guy some slack an do this. Give you guys' relationship a real chance, get into recovery. That is my most sincere suggestion. AND DON'T USE AGAIN NO MATTER WHAT!!! God bless.

[marie76]

Originally Posted by Robert_325

I think you're very fortunate to have a fiance who is so understanding. I would be pi$$ed if I were him, more about the deception as taking the pills from his script is really pretty sorry. He is doing without now because the person he loves stole his medication.

I'm not going to lecture, not that you don't need it, but you sit here now and wonder whether you belong in NA or not? You know what lack of control you have and wonder if you need recovery?

You can begin at meetings just listening, you aren't required to say anything. But talk about addictiive behavior? I would be insisting that you get involved in recovery as a part of your ongoing recovery if I were in his position. You are a perfect candidate for 12 step recovery. Get a sponsor, make meetings regularly (NA suggests at least 90 meetings in 90 days) and I say that is a minimum, I missed three meetings during my first two full years and then of course obtain a sponsor who can help you with beginning to work the 12 steps.

I strongly suggest you follow these suggestions. Drug induced relationships DO NOT survive as a rule. Put an end to this now while you still have time. I'm about to remarry myself and it would break my heart to find that my fiance was in trouble with the drugs more than being pissed about you taking them from me without me knowing it. Cut this guy some slack an do this. Give you guys' relationship a real chance, get into recovery. That is my most sincere suggestion. AND DON'T USE AGAIN NO MATTER WHAT!!! God bless.

Thanks for your honest advice. We've been together for 4 1/2 years and I have been completely clean for at least 8 years prior to this. I know that what I did was wrong and I feel really lucky that he's willing to support me through this. Most people would not after what I did. I have looked up where the NA groups are in our area and am planning to attend my first meeting on Sunday (that's as soon as my work allows). Other than that, I'm not really sure what more I can do. I am still suffering from the withdrawal symptoms at the moment and trying to keep up appearances at work and such. Anyway, thanks again for your honest advice

[Freedom4me]

Just figuring out how to use this message board. Day 4 for me too. 8 vicodin per day as directed my my Dr. Started to recognize that 8 were not working anymore for the pain and was becoming tempted to up what I was taking. Decided to just stop and deal with the pain. I also get trigger point injections as well as acupuncture, which I'm not convinced is doing anything. Days 1-3 were absolutely awful. Pain from w/d as well as original back pain feeling magnified. Was getting 100 per prescription. Still had over half when I decided to stop. Didn't realize that my body had become so addicted to them. Was a huge surprise to me since I was taking under Dr. directions. I had to flush them all to avoid the temptation. That is my suggestion to all who think they can keep some for a rainy day! When you go through the w/d pain believe me it is a rainy day and you will take them. I went through day 1-2 twice because I convinced myself I couldn't make it the first time. Once I flushed them and just sucked it up, the mental war was won. Same symptoms as everyone here. Felt horrible. Music and jacuzzi ten times a day and night got me through. Day 4 and feel soooo much better!! Back still hurts but I will deal with it. I was heading where I didn't want to go, the point of no return. Reading this site really helped me see that so thanks for all who shared. Gave me an eye opener and the strength to flush the pills and power on. If you can make it through the first initial horrible feelings you can make it all the way. All my best wishes to all who are just starting like I am. WE CAN DO IT.

[dago77]

...Hey Freedom, thats awesome u got through this!!! That is very true that you won a big battle getting through the horrible w/d's! Im sure by now you have read a lot of posts on here! This is a great place to be for someone in your shoes. I have tried it alone and came up with nothing but excuses to start taking the vics again. This place will help you relize how serious those little pills can be. Also, in your reading im sure you have ran across a lot of people saying that getting clean is the easiest part, and staying clean is what its about. U have probally also read about people telling others they are not trying to scare them or trying to let the wind out of thier sail, but more to prepare them for what can/will happen. U did win the first mental war with making it through wd's with out giving in!!! And thats huge!!! Just keep your gaurd up, because im sure sooner or later something will pop up in your head, and it will make sense to take another pill. Ive never used for pain, and I know every one is different. But I can assure you that I have been exactly where you are with the pills. You can do it!!!!! Just keep reading here, and never think its a good idea. I promise you, it is not. Congradulations, keepup the good work!!! Ryan

[Freedom4me]

Thanks Dago. Day 9 and feel fantastic except for the same old back pain. Dealing with it. Sleep is back. I understand your warnings and will definately be vigilant!! Very empaoering feeling to get a handle on this. Everyone seems to have gone away since I posted. I hope it's because they no longer need this site and are doing great living life.

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by Freedom4me

Thanks Dago. Day 9 and feel fantastic except for the same old back pain. Dealing with it. Sleep is back. I understand your warnings and will definately be vigilant!! Very empaoering feeling to get a handle on this. Everyone seems to have gone away since I posted. I hope it's because they no longer need this site and are doing great living life.

Hi Freedom
WOW...day 9...your doing great...
People do come and go quickly around here...there are a few of us that stick around...
Sorry to hear about your back pain I have DDD...it's not to much fun...
but it sounds like your handling it just fine...
Keep up the good work and talk to you soon, Melinda

[Freedom4me]

Originally Posted by melinda7.5

Hi Freedom
WOW...day 9...your doing great...
People do come and go quickly around here...there are a few of us that stick around...
Sorry to hear about your back pain I have DDD...it's not to much fun...
but it sounds like your handling it just fine...
Keep up the good work and talk to you soon, Melinda

Thank you for the encouragement Melinda. It is nice to have some support in case I feel weak. I am committed to this. I feel lucky that I caught it when I did. I know there are people here who are alot stronger and have overcome more than I have.

[ryan1918]

It's been over 35 days for me I've been taking them for almost 3 years, The pain, aches, and not being able to sleep will start going away, I'm still feeling like ******** but I know If I keep going it will be all gone, so It's going to take at least 1-2 months before everything is actually gone, but remember if you take ONE single pill your going to have to do everything over again, I'll tell you, hot showers do help ALOT.

[Freedom4me]

Originally Posted by ryan1918

It's been over 35 days for me I've been taking them for almost 3 years, The pain, aches, and not being able to sleep will start going away, I'm still feeling like ******** but I know If I keep going it will be all gone, so It's going to take at least 1-2 months before everything is actually gone, but remember if you take ONE single pill your going to have to do everything over again, I'll tell you, hot showers do help ALOT.

35 days and still feel like garbage? Yikes, Thats aweful. I'm 9 days and feel really good. I am very lucky. How many were you taking a day? The most I got to was 8 which was within my perscription limits but I did start thinking about taking more because I had grown a tolernece and it wasn't denting the pain like it had. Now without it, I am dealing with the pain the best I can but it's not much worse than it was when I was taking the 8. I really didn't have any choice since I knew even if I took more than the 8 it eventually wouldn't help either. The most shocking thing for me was the absolute lack of any kind of energy when I quit. I mean zero. like I had been hit by a truck. I forced myself to exercise every day and that helped after the third day but almost killed me the first 3. Just taking it one day at a time.

[dago77]

...Ryan and freedom, the longer you are off the better you will feel for sure. I have done this a handfull of times and its the same thing everytime. I jumped ct off of 10 a day! Not because i planned it that way, everyone was out. Im not sure if this is this is the first time you have been down this road, but I can not tell you enough that when things do finally get better, remember how you felt. You will forget that a little, at least I did. And i think once you move that to the back of your brain at some point you will come up with a good reason that you can handle a few. Sounds like both of you guys are ready to beat this!!! Thats awesome! Like I said in my last post just keep your gaurd up with the thoughts later on when your feeling 100% Ive been where both of you are, and im here again! Im not at all telling you, you will relapse. Just keep it up, and stay focused. Thats where I messed up. Anyway, you guys are doing great!!! Ryan you are exactly right, one pill can put you right back to where you started.

Thx Ryan O

[poison03nae]

Well for some reason my other post got messed up... so ill try again....

Thank you all.... this nightmare started when on the last week of january I was hospitalized 3 times for suvire pain... turns out gal stone.... so figuring theys just take it out and go home... nope long story short... they gave me pain meds untell my sugery for the 26th of feb.... I was taking 8 pills a day and told my doc on the 20th I was worried about my liver cuz everyone was saying how toxic it is and how now its not even helping that much...

He said ill be fine and if I need to take 12 untell the sugery that's fine...

So like anyone else im like ok that fine.... thanks....thinking no problem.... well the sugery came and went and I was givin another refill of viccoden and perc's .... the first 3 days I was taking them how I was supposed to...I took 4 vic thought day and 2 percs at nite so I wouldn't wake up with the pain and I was beggaining to feel less and less sore after the sugery....
So come monday I took one vicoden in morning and then one at night..... that was the last time I took them....

Im on day 3 and I feel like death...better than yesterday but still bad enought for me to miss school again.... I was having susidal thoughts crying all the time for no reason... just soooo low.... febuary was a bad month for me....

I wish the doc would have told me this could happen... my body became compleatly dependent on that stuff.... im just glad I only took the stuff for a month and not had to suffer the years some of you had... im sooo sorry... I could only imagin how bad it was for all of u... for just a lousy month and I want to kill myself....

Ur stories have givin me hope and im just glad I have to get over the physical withdraw and not the mental.... I can't wait to feel like my normal self and not feel like my life is so pointless and depressing...

U guys have really saved my sanity..... I went outside the other day and felt like it was a dream....kinda fuzzy and bright... I had all the other symptoms and didn't know if anyone else had that... the nausa is killer and the hot showers and baths helped a whole lot....

I've been eating choclate and that seams to help...and I've been trying to force down some regular food to sustain me...... I feel more for my mom than I ever had my 21 almost 22yrs... if u know ur gonna go threw withdrawls no wonder some people don't stop.....its because of her I never touch drugs... although I did smoke.... and to be honest quiting smoking was so much eiser than this... all u have to do is be like naaa I don't need a smoke... but I seriously feel so sick from the viccoden... who new... not me I have 16 percs left out of 20 and 35 viccoden out of 50....so as u can tell once I want in horrible pain from the sugery I stoped imeadiatly...

Can't wait for myself to feel better...and whole and put this ordeal behind me... everyone should see that movie called walk hard the story of duwy cox ...

Cuz to be honest "you don't want none of this ********" lol ahh men to that... god bless u all... and thanks from the bottom of my heart and soul... for making this easier for me to understand and realise its not me its the drugs....

Ur all in my prayers and stay strong....

Ps sorry so long and sorry for horrible spelling

[Freedom4me]

Poison,
Hang in there. It does go away. You should be feeling much better very soon since you didn't take it for very long. I wish my Dr had warned me too. I feel your pain. The first days are a nightmare. If I had to give you any advice I would say flush your pills you have left. They will prolong this for you. That's what I had to do. I wasn't strong enough to keep some around for "emergencies" because when I was in W/D's it became an emergency. It messed with my head. Once I got rid of all the pills, and I threw away alot more than you have, I was able to focus and power forward and get the monkey off my back. Good luck. Stay strong.

[HopeFloats]

Hello my friends,

Yes, I'm back for round two. I am determined to win this time. I ended up finishing off the prescription my doctor gave me. I thought I was stronger.... who was I kidding? I realized that once a Perc was in my system, it called for another. I mean, after taking just one perc, my body started craving another. I don't know if this makes sense. But I guess thats how it becomes so highly addictive.

I am at 70 hours out...day#3 My last 2 percs were ingested @ 10pm Monday. I pray that Michigan is right about reaching the 100 hour milestone. I am in wd again: chills, sweats, depressed, palpitations, shortness of breath. But this time I am determined to beat it.

I went to Wholefoods and spent $208 on natural supplements to ease the wd and flush the toxins out of my system. I will list the stuff I bought and plz tell me if anyone has used & benefited from any of them.

1. 5-HTP
2. SAM-e 400
3.L- Theanine
4. Valerian Root drops
5. Sedalia stress sublinguals (by Borion)
6. Calms (by Hyland’s)
7. Gaba Calm
8. Enzymatic Wholebody Stress Cleanse
9. Multivitaminse

Plus I’m eating red grapes like they’re goin’ out of style. Whenever I get the urge to use, I start poppin the grapes in my mouth till the urge subsides. I don’t know if its my imagination, but I think they are helping.

I have ZERO energy. I cant even sit up to watch TV… I’m lying down. I have the liberty of spending these days at home… so that’s what I’m doing. Thank God for American Idol….LOL. (I guess that’s why TV is often described as the opiate of the masses)

I get the chills, bundle up in my cozy blanket, and then start sweating like crazy. My body is having a hard time regulating my temperature… but I know that this is due to the wd from the opiates and the way they effected my hypothalamus.

JUSTQUITING: Thankyou for asking about me. I have been reading the posts here even though I didn’t write. I felt like such a hypocrite. And when you asked about me at the end of one of your posts, it honestly brought a tear to my eye. THANKYOU. God bless you along with all my wonderful new friends here. Thank you for your support. And I am truly sorry for disappointing you. But I am back, and I hope I am still accepted with open arms. J

[melinda7.5]

Hi hope
so glad to see you back
I was just walking out the door but I will be back soon...
Your going to do great this time...
Talk soon, Melinda

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by HopeFloats

Hello my friends,

Yes, I'm back for round two. I am determined to win this time. I ended up finishing off the prescription my doctor gave me. I thought I was stronger.... who was I kidding? I realized that once a Perc was in my system, it called for another. I mean, after taking just one perc, my body started craving another. I don't know if this makes sense. But I guess thats how it becomes so highly addictive.

I am at 70 hours out...day#3 My last 2 percs were ingested @ 10pm Monday. I pray that Michigan is right about reaching the 100 hour milestone. I am in wd again: chills, sweats, depressed, palpitations, shortness of breath. But this time I am determined to beat it.

I went to Wholefoods and spent $208 on natural supplements to ease the wd and flush the toxins out of my system. I will list the stuff I bought and plz tell me if anyone has used & benefited from any of them.

1. 5-HTP
2. SAM-e 400
3.L- Theanine
4. Valerian Root drops
5. Sedalia stress sublinguals (by Borion)
6. Calms (by Hyland’s)
7. Gaba Calm
8. Enzymatic Wholebody Stress Cleanse
9. Multivitaminse

Plus I’m eating red grapes like they’re goin’ out of style. Whenever I get the urge to use, I start poppin the grapes in my mouth till the urge subsides. I don’t know if its my imagination, but I think they are helping.

I have ZERO energy. I cant even sit up to watch TV… I’m lying down. I have the liberty of spending these days at home… so that’s what I’m doing. Thank God for American Idol….LOL. (I guess that’s why TV is often described as the opiate of the masses)

I get the chills, bundle up in my cozy blanket, and then start sweating like crazy. My body is having a hard time regulating my temperature… but I know that this is due to the wd from the opiates and the way they effected my hypothalamus.

JUSTQUITING: Thankyou for asking about me. I have been reading the posts here even though I didn’t write. I felt like such a hypocrite. And when you asked about me at the end of one of your posts, it honestly brought a tear to my eye. THANKYOU. God bless you along with all my wonderful new friends here. Thank you for your support. And I am truly sorry for disappointing you. But I am back, and I hope I am still accepted with open arms. J

Hi Hope
I'm back, Don't worry about disappointing anyone but yourself...
We have all done the same thing a time or two...
I think by day four your going to start feeling better at least where you can function a little...
I think you know about the Thomas recipe right...
Well all be here to cheer you on...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

[JustQuitting]

Hey Hope,

I am so glad to see you back posting

You haven't disappointed anyone, except maybe yourself, but I think you've probably learned your lesson...I'd probably have done the same thing as you if I'd filled that prescription I found in my purse - can't believe I forgot about it being there in the first place! I'd read some of the old posts about w/d being harder every time you go through it & that gave me the strength to burn it. Believe me, I waffled for a couple of hours between destroying it & running to get it filled... But in the end I knew what I had to do. I still remember sitting on my sofa, barely able to move & being so damn cold that I had my gloves on INSIDE my house. Not fun times and I don't want to ever go there again.

You with the grapes sounds like me with my orange juice, lol. That's my new addiction. I'm down to one glass a night at bedtime, but during that first week of w/d I was chugging nearly 1/2 gallon from 7pm until I could get to sleep. Hey, whatever (good thing) helps!

You may want to add magnesium (helps to relax muscles) and potassium to your list of supplements. During the day I also took a super B vitamin to help with energy & stress...Not sure if you need it, but Milk Thistle helps to heal your liver...can't hurt anyway...

You will be OK, and of course you are welcome back with open arms & a big hug - I'm sure from more than just me & Melinda. Don't beat yourself up anymore over your slip up - just move on. The w/d will be over soon and you WILL feel better. I'll keep you in my prayers...

A hello & hug to "Poison" too. You sound like you've also learned the hard way what "good drugs" (as in prescribed, not illegal) can do to your body and mind. Reading & "listening" to other posters, I realized I'm very, very lucky to live in a small town where I have no access to buying Lortab/Percocet/Vicodin without a prescription. I can only imagine the horrible road I would have ended up traveling if I'd had that opportunity...I did use my pain pills mostly as prescribed for the first year and a half, but do admit to getting to like them too much towards the end there. That's when I knew I had to quit right then.

Still working on the cigs, Melinda. I have an appt. with my doctor the 20th for him to see how I'm doing (I will be happy to report I'm feeling SO much better than that day last month when I confessed I was in withdrawl). I'll ask him then what I can do since I can't take the Chantix or Welbutrin (I've had seizures in the past, so the Welbutrin is out for me). Will probably end up having to do that cold turkey, too...ugh.

[melinda7.5]

Hi Ryan
Well if you quit smoking cold turkey...I know you can do it...I have done that a time or two in my life...LOL...my problem is I just need to stay away from them thats all. my mom and my best friend smoke...so there always trying to give me a cigarette...Oh I know I can say no LOL...
I actually got a Little time behind me know so I'm doing OK with it for now...
Let me know when you do quit I give you my little tricks when your having a nic fit...LOL
Talk to you later, Melinda

[Freedom4me]

Hope,
Glad to see you back on here. Your story was the first one I saw when I found this site when I was going thru w/d's. I was wondering what had happened to you. So glad you are giving it another try. My story is above. I guess it's like many others here. Day 12 for me and all the physical stuff has been gone for awhile. All of a sudden for me it's the mental stuff. Caught me by surprise when in the last few days the first thing I thought of when I woke up was the pills. Seems to be happening more and more the farther I get from the w/d's which has really surprised me. But that is just a matter of mind over matter. They say if you can get through the first 30 seconds of cravings it will go way. This is true but it ineveitabley pops into my head later in the day. Not going back though. Thats why I am so glad I flushed the pills. Not going to put myself in a tempting position ever again. My mind keeps telling me that I could handle just a couple every once in awhile for the pain but I know it's lying to me. Long road to travel but will just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Stay strong. You can do it.
Freedom

[HopeFloats]

Melinda, JustQuiting & Freedon4me: Thankyou for your replies. It was nice reading your support & knowing that I was welcomed back in open arms.

I am exactly 100 hours free (Day#4). I'm feeling better, thank God, but I'm still not back to normal. Atleast I'm "functioning" again. I went out tonight to see a movie just to pass the time. I had an attack of palpitations & shortness of breath which lasted for about 20-30 minutes during the movie (no fun!). I also had a hard time remaining in my seat because my back & neck ached like CRAAZZYY! Is that one of the WD symptoms? I also had some weird cramps in my right foot of all places...very strange...but tolerable.

I have a serious question to the admirable people who are further along the road than me. When you stopped using the painkillers, did the "mental fog" clear up? I have been using painkillers after my first of 3 surgeries a year ago. And I feel like I have been in a mental fog this whole time. Unable to concentrate or focus like I used to. My memory is noticeably decreased. I used to do mental calculations faster than my friends did with a calculator...and now I find it difficult to do basic calculations. And I noticed these past 4 days (since I quit the percocet) the mental fog has become thicker. I REALLY cant concentrate like before. Have any of you noticed that? And will I regain my concentration/memory/IQ? If so, how long will it take? And is it normal to get worse before it improves? I'm worried that the damage I did to my brain is permanent. But I'm hoping that those further along the road will say otherwise.

[dago77]

..Hey Hope, I cant sleep and just read your post. I know exactly what you mean with the mental fog. When I was viced up I was on a mission! I could handle everything. Then you come off and you are a complete scatter brain! It has always been that way for me at least. Im 20 days out and it gets better. I mean, your probally not sleeping well, eating right, and constantly thinking if your gonna feel normal soon!!! Haha i have been there! I think its just all part of the w/d. But you will bounce back once things cool off for you. Like i said, im only at 20 days and im doing much better. Pretty much back to normal. Hope that helped. I mean, look its only 3:15 in Michigan and I think im finally ready to go to bed!!!

Ryan

[JustQuitting]

Dago & I must be pretty close with our quit date, as today (Sat.) is my 20th day too. Anyway, YES the mental fog is normal during use and w/d. I think that's why I forgot I had that script in my other purse. It's also why I had to come home 3 out of the first 4 days I was in w/d - and the other day I didn't even bother to go in (that was day 2, the day of the gloves inside & barely being able to move). There was just no way I could work & make mistakes that would have affected a lot of clients. So I took the suggestions I'd read here & said I must have the flu or a nasty bug...

Each day I feel better & better physically and mentally. It kinda makes you wonder how you were getting through life while on the pills...So just hang in there.

[HopeFloats]

RYAN: Are you watching me? Cuz you described me to a "T".LoL.
You are absolutely right about the not sleeping or eating well and C-O-N-S-T-A-N-T-L-Y thinking "When will I feel normal?", "Am I any better today?", "Can I get through this?", "What will tomorrow be like?", "Will I be back to my happy, perky (with NO percs) 'NORMAL' self tomorrow?" (I miss me ). And I'm constantly looking @ the time to see how many hours have passed (FYI: 116 hours and 45 minutes..... incase you were wondering )
Oh and I cracked up @ " look its only 3:15 in Michigan and I think im finally ready to go to bed!!! "

JUSTQUITING: I am so proud of your 20 day victory. It seems like just yesterday I was reading your 1st post and how u had to come back from work the first few days...but you made it through day#4....and Melinda was checking in on you, etc..... And now you are an Opiate Withdrawal Guru. As happy as I am for YOU (knocking on wood), as sad as I am for ME. Had I not relapsed, I would practically be walking side by side with you and Ryan. Oh well, c'est la vie.

And you touched on the exact reason I asked my previous Q. As I told you, I am in the medical field. And I can NOT afford to make mistakes. For me, mistakes aren't just a few dollars added or subtracted from someones account....or an appointment mix-up...or ordering the wrong item....or forgetting an important client or appointment...etc. For me, its someone's life. And that is a g amble that I CAN NOT and WILL NOT afford to make. Luckily, I have been off, and will be for a while longer (medical leave). But I'm so afraid that my concentration will remain this low and my memory will remain bad. And I'm sure that many others in this thread are in positions of high responsibility, regardless of field, and rely on concentration, quick action, and memory. Those have been greatly effected for me, during my use of Percocet, and even MORE these past 5 days since I have stopped. I refuse to go back to work with this MENTAL FOG. I have always been a quick thinker, quick on my feet, take action quickly, rationalize and make accurate decisions without wasting time. But now I feel like I've suddenly become stupid.
I H A V E B E C O M E S L O W. I'm just not myself. I forget easily. What was I saying? Oh yeah, I forget easily.

My question is: Is this normal? And will I ever be smart again? Or has one year of Percocet use permanently damaged my brain and stolen half my IQ ?

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by HopeFloats

RYAN: Are you watching me? Cuz you described me to a "T".LoL.
You are absolutely right about the not sleeping or eating well and C-O-N-S-T-A-N-T-L-Y thinking "When will I feel normal?", "Am I any better today?", "Can I get through this?", "What will tomorrow be like?", "Will I be back to my happy, perky (with NO percs) 'NORMAL' self tomorrow?" (I miss me ). And I'm constantly looking @ the time to see how many hours have passed (FYI: 116 hours and 45 minutes..... incase you were wondering )
Oh and I cracked up @ " look its only 3:15 in Michigan and I think im finally ready to go to bed!!! "

JUSTQUITING: I am so proud of your 20 day victory. It seems like just yesterday I was reading your 1st post and how u had to come back from work the first few days...but you made it through day#4....and Melinda was checking in on you, etc..... And now you are an Opiate Withdrawal Guru. As happy as I am for YOU (knocking on wood), as sad as I am for ME. Had I not relapsed, I would practically be walking side by side with you and Ryan. Oh well, c'est la vie.

And you touched on the exact reason I asked my previous Q. As I told you, I am in the medical field. And I can NOT afford to make mistakes. For me, mistakes aren't just a few dollars added or subtracted from someones account....or an appointment mix-up...or ordering the wrong item....or forgetting an important client or appointment...etc. For me, its someone's life. And that is a g amble that I CAN NOT and WILL NOT afford to make. Luckily, I have been off, and will be for a while longer (medical leave). But I'm so afraid that my concentration will remain this low and my memory will remain bad. And I'm sure that many others in this thread are in positions of high responsibility, regardless of field, and rely on concentration, quick action, and memory. Those have been greatly effected for me, during my use of Percocet, and even MORE these past 5 days since I have stopped. I refuse to go back to work with this MENTAL FOG. I have always been a quick thinker, quick on my feet, take action quickly, rationalize and make accurate decisions without wasting time. But now I feel like I've suddenly become stupid.
I H A V E B E C O M E S L O W. I'm just not myself. I forget easily. What was I saying? Oh yeah, I forget easily.

My question is: Is this normal? And will I ever be smart again? Or has one year of Percocet use permanently damaged my brain and stolen half my IQ ?

Hi Hope
I truly know how you feel But I swear it does get better...
Sometimes the sleep issues get to me but the rest is getting better...
It just makes me so sad to hear you talk like this...
you just have to keep moving thru it...the fog will lift...

and you still have your witt about you...that was funny when you said..
I've suddenly become stupid...LOL
Hang in there your still on leave , right...
Ill keep you in my prayers...
Melinda

[AmberIsFlippingOUT]

Hello,


I have been reading here for hours (literally) then decided to sign up and beg for some help and support. I will start by explaining my situation and Hydrocone abuse.

In 2003 I underwent gastric bypass surgery and went from a disguting 532 lbs to 140 over 2 years. I experienced a lot of post surgery pain because my body for some reason rejected the disolvable stitches. I was on and off prescribed pain meds but never addicted back then. The problem started in 04 when I started having reconstructive surgeries to remove the skin after such a fast and dramatic weight loss. I had a "pill happy" surgeon who was giving me Lortab and Percs without even asking. Somehow I never got into those.. this is where it gets strange. I got a horrid headache one day and was prescribed vicodin for the first time..from the very first pill I was hooked. I would do anything ANYTHING to get them. I got red flagged at my primary hospital and went so far as to change insurance to get new Dr's. I have not gone 1 day since Jan 04 without Vicodin. Then in 06 I was hurt badly at work and was given HP Vicoden, to top it off I was diagnosed with severe RA and Lupus at the ripe age of them 27. I was given RX for 120 a month with 6 months worth of refills. So then I would scan the RX and get it online as well. It is a miracle I am not dead..I have been taking close to 15 or more a day since 04. 10/660 mg. I suffer from severe anxiety ( I mean snap easily kind and think the worlds against me.. your basic pyscho). I have 2 kids..a fiance. They were clueless how many I took. I have dentist shopped the past week in hopes but to no avail was given tylenol 3,4 and Darvocet all of which do NOTHING for me. Now.. it gets interesting, I was doing all that "shopping around" because I knew I was about to run out for the month since with my recent move I can only do 120 a month and have no idea where to find a "supplier". Welp as of 7 am 3/7 I took my last Vicoden.. I have been popping the other pills all day trying to feel functionable but it doesn't help 1 bit. Due to my severe anxiety I have thousands of Klonopin and Ativan .. Elavil,Phenergan and Ambien.

I can't think straight, the pain in my joints is so incredibly intense after under 24 hours I find myself on the ground bawling and begging for help. My heart is beating so fast..I can't see right. Can't eat, I NEED to sleep but can't. I feel like I am out of control and am about to start screaming/hyperventilating. Nobody understands here at home, my fiance is trying but is useless right now.. I feel like I am literally going to die because I can't sow my heart down. I am terrified to go to the hospital for help because I know I need 3 surgeries to remove gallbladder,remove more skin and hernia repair. I can't breathe right and fear I am going to faint. If this isn't even 24 hours in should I be worried? I don't think I have ever felt so much physical pain and that's with 2 natural child births !
I'm shaking
cold
anxious doesn't describe it
depressed.. want to slam my head into a wall literally.


I don't know how to get through the next week with my kids and being alone with them all day, I don't even know how to get through tonight. I have the Thomas Recipe up and am doing what I can with what I have access to at 1 am..

Is there a point you should know this isn't safe to do at home?

I just can't breathe.

[JustQuitting]

I am NOT the "guru" Hope called me, and will gladly bow to the wisdom of others here more experienced with w/d than myself, but it sounds to me like you are going to need medical help in getting off the pills - if that's what you want to do & aren't just going through this because you "can't get your 120" again...Given your past/present medical history, I can't stress enough that I don't think you should try to go this alone. Can you not call your old doctor and tell him you need/want to taper off or go on the sub? (Melinda, what is the name of that drug? lol - my memory is still not what it was [see, Hope?]) If you want to go the sub route, from what I gather here you may have to go to a different doctor for that anyway.


If it's not possible to talk to your old doctor, then that means seeing one where you are now ASAP and being honest with him/her about your past and present use of ALL meds. Until you can get an appt. (hopefully Monday am), the Klonopin should help take the edge off of your anxiety & some MOTRIN should help some with the pain of w/d for the weekend. Short of going to the ER you'll probably have to wait until Monday at the soonest to get the help you need. Withdrawal is not fun, and surely not easy - much less with kids and a confused fiance around. The next few days to couple of weeks are going to be horrible pysically & mentally...not trying to scare you, but you don't need anything sugarcoated right now either. I'm sure you've read a good many of our own horror stories by now. Yes, you will probably feel like you'd just plain rather die than feel this way, but that will pass. For your kids and your fiance, you've got to make up your mind that you'll get through this & come out in the end a much better person. It will take time, but if you're serious about wanting to quit (and not doing it because you have to for now), then you'll be able to do it.

If I've given any bad advice, no offense will be taken if the "regulars" here want to jump all over me.

Hugs & prayers are with you.

I'll be up for a while longer (still having sleep issues, too!)...

[melinda7.5]

Hi Amber
I think your just having a panic attack...Try to settle down and relax...
When I stopped all of my drugs. I had panic attacks also... ..
I thought I would die from the joint pain...OH man it sucked...

But it all gets better..the pain will go away and the panic attacks stop..
Then you get to have a fresh start and rebuild your life...

Break down your time... take it ten minutes at a time.its allot easer that way.
you can do anything for ten minutes...get some time behind you and you will start to see things differantly...
I'm sorry to hear about your Lupus and your RA...but I know you have to feel GOOD about the way you look after loosing all that weight...
Just think when you get clean and your feeling better you can go out and just show off and have some fun...

As JustQuitting was talking about..there is the suboxone or subutex that can help you with your withdrawal...if you need it...

Amber just give this some time...I promise things get better and you can put all of this behind you...

Let us know how you are doing today...
Talk to you soon, Melinda

Hey JustQuiting
Sounds to me like you got some "guru" in you...LOL
Talk to you later ,Melinda

[AmberIsFlippingOUT]

I don't plan on taking it ever again.I know however it will be unavoidable to need some sort of real pain control in the coming weeks and months with surgeries. I never ever ever ever ever ever want to feel this again. You are right about the panic attacks, I tool some Klonopin, ate a banana drank a ton of water and tried tolay down. The way my body shakes freaks me out and I am freezing cold but I would say a few hours of sleep was better than 0 for sure. I am trying to keep active ( going to organize my kitchen pantry lol... you'd think I WAS high). I am sending the fiance to the store for all the stuff I needed off the Thomas Recipe list. Without this site I can honestly say I may have given up last night and lost my mind but after I posted I just kept reading and peoples strength here is AMAZING. I am going to be here a lot the next few days as I know it will get worse before it gets better. I wishg you could understand what you guys do for people is literally life saving.I have an appointment Friday and I am going to be 100% honest and ask for a better way to deal with the pain and how to manage surgeries. Right now I have to go throw up


you are such wonderful people <3 The fact you responded with such care brought me to tears.. well plus I'm a lil wackt today

just ... thank you. I hope someday I can help someone the way you guys do <3

Bless all of you, always.

[melinda7.5]

Hi Amber
WOW....you sound much better today...
I tried to stay busy also on my first few days...I was up in the rafters of my house with a big vacume...I was a little whacked for awhile before my nerves settled down too...
Were really proud of you for hanging in there...
Your going to make it...
keep us posted on how your doing...
Talk to you later, Melinda

[JustQuitting]

How are you doing this afternoon, Amber? Did you get the pantry cleaned without throwing anything at anyone? lol

If your appt. is not until Friday, you'll probably be pretty much over the worst of the w/d by then. But I'd still talk to the doctor about the future issues you'll have with your upcoming surgeries. And if you're still feeling bad maybe you should ask him/her about the suboxone. You sound determined, so you know you DO have the strength to get through this. Like Melinda says, we're proud of you & remember to stay strong.

I'm usually around pretty late at night, until around 1am, if you need to get on here & gab for a while...