[Freedom4me]

I hope this helps. You can do it Oppee. You know the drill. We are all here for you!

[caughtagain]

When I started my journey, Opee helped me through day by Day. I repsect him and he needs our help. He has had a bump in the road and is on day one. I ask that we all support him in his effort to be clean. He is a positive soul who needs us. THanks Free for setting up this thread and he is now on day one of his journey. Before I posted, his thread was the one who motivated me to post. I had always looked up to Robert and Melinda and was amazed at their effort in helping others, but for some reason I read and read Opee and that did it for me. Now it is time we do it for him. One second at a time Opee, next thing you know, you will be through the worst of it. Let us know what we can do.. As you told me so many times, post and post often, drink fluids and treat the symptoms. We are your cyber family and will be with you through it all! "YOU GOT THIS MAN" (remember that statement. it got me through so much) Your friend CA. Remember man. This is a process not an event. a Bump in the road is part of it, the process that is. get well, stay well.... CA

[Opee]

Originally Posted by Freedom4me

I hope this helps. You can do it Oppee. You know the drill. We are all here for you!

Thanks Freedom! My first official solo post:

I feel like ********. More to come!

[Opee]

Seriously, thank you. I can't say anything else. I appreciate your loyalty and genuine caring about a guy you've never actually met. On the plus, I turned down yet another offer for pills. Man, I forgot how many sources I had. That's 2 in 2 days, and THAT is something.

Is anyone else freezing, because I am? It is the support of all of you that will get me thru this. I saved this in My Favorites so I can find it again easily. You will hear from me (probably more than you want to) but nobody else wants to hear it and I don't blame them. I tell my friends or family I'm kicking and it's a pleasant eye roll. Didn't even bother this time. I'll tell them when I have 10 days under my belt. Thanks again CA, you are a friend.

Opee

[caughtagain]

Good morning Opee, How are you feeling. Remember, drink fluids and take things minute by minute my friend. And post often.. Do you have the benzo's for the THomas recipe to help? Just wondering,,, If not, try the sleepy time tea and the Tylenol PM. I know you know this stuff from last time, but I am here to remind you and be here for support. And I guess the good news is that it is the begining of the month, not closeout.. CA

[Opee]

Hey Brother,

I have some benzo's, they help some. Didn't sleep great and I feel rotten today, but it's one more day closer to not feeling rotten. I don't mess with the Thomas Recipe much. I spent a bunch of money the first time around.. When you are at my level Valerian Root is a pez. I take Potassium pills, Klonnies and Immodium. Just pounding water and watching the minutes drag by. Woke up way early for work and hit the sauna for 40 minutes, so that helps for a little. I drink like 3 bottles of water when I'm in there. I'll do it again tonight and thank God I'm off tomorrow. You sit there and dream all day about getting home and lying on the couch and then you get there and lie down and still feel ********ty. At least it's not anything new...

Thanks for the positive start to the day.

Opee

[Freedom4me]

"Valarian root is a pez" lololol I know you are feeling sick Opee but that line made me laugh loudly because it is sooo true!! How long were you clean before this bump in the road and how many and what were you taking this time? Hopefully you haven't relapsed for too long and this should be a bit easier.

[Opee]

Originally Posted by Freedom4me

"Valarian root is a pez" lololol I know you are feeling sick Opee but that line made me laugh loudly because it is sooo true!! How long were you clean before this bump in the road and how many and what were you taking this time? Hopefully you haven't relapsed for too long and this should be a bit easier.

No offense to anyone who has had success with Valerian Root...

I went 10 days straight clean and then had an intermitent relapse. Several days on, a day or 2 off when I couldn't score, etc. So there were breaks in between, but never more than a day or 2. When I set my mind to, I can find pills. Sometimes it's alot of hassle or bull********, but when you're committed to that task at hand, little stands in my way. Mostly Norco's (it takes me 7 to get off and it wears off in 4 hours) quite a bit of Darvocet and some 7.5 Oxycodones. I was not waxed all day every day, but was using in some form almost daily. The amount per day was less than before, so I'm hoping for a shorter duration, but there is no improvement in the way I feel since yesterday. Tomorrow will be spent drifting in and out of consciousness on the couch with 2mg Klonnies. Great way to spend a lovely Summer day off, right? In and out of a coma with the shades drawn. Yeesh...This weekend will be a challengs as it is a long one, but I have a date Sat. night (so I'll be getting drunk - which helps short term) and my son all day Sun, Sun night and dropping him off at the ex'es Monday morning. So, with him there, the temptation is relieved to be making "the calls." Since I've already shot down 2 different people, I think they get it this time. Pass. Not interested. Thanks, but no thanks. Labor Day will be spent on the couch, hopefully NOT eating Klonnies all day. I don't really like what they do to me that much. Thick, slow, uncoordinated, sort of like high school P.E! Even pukey, I retain my sense of humor!

[Opee]

Something that I thought I would share is the eulogy I read at my best friend's memorial service in July (3 days after my birthday). His death played a VERY significant part in my relapsing and going on my "super bender" for lack of a better term. This is very personal to me, but as you are my cyber family (I like that term - coined by CA), I feel it is important to share and is a necessary part of my recovery. The ex wife is an issue, but this is the real reason for the darkness that has essentially taken over my being. Reading this was the hardest thing I ever did in my life and I would not go through it again for $1000 cash in fist. I lost it 2/3 of the way thru, as I knew I would, but I composed myself and got thru it. If I got thru that, I can get thru this.



Best friends come along once in a life time, if you’re lucky. Some people find then at 10, 20, or even 60. I was lucky enough to find mine at the age of 12. Mike was my best friend when I was 12 and he’s my best friend at 36. Like all best friends we had our ups and downs, our good times and our bad times. What best friend’s didn’t? But through it all, regardless of circumstance, time, space or distance, we were always there for each other. Always true blue. Always brothers. And I love him as I love my own two brothers.

I’ll never forget the first time I met Mike; I remember it like it were yesterday. It was the second day of 7th grade and I was standing around outside during lunch, feeling skinny and awkward, a typical 7th grader, not quite knowing what to do or who to talk to. This wacky blonde kid in a really obnoxious red Hawaiian shirt sort of sidles up next to me and quietly says “Hey, Man,
watch this.” Then he cups his hands over his mouth and yells “FIRE!” at the top of his lungs. Several people started yelling and freaking out, running this way and that. Mike just stood there and watched the whole scene with a gleam in his eye and a funny little sort of half-smile on his face. After a few seconds he casually looks over at me and says, “Hi, I’m Mike. See you around,” and then he just walked off, whistling. I knew immediately that I had just met my best friend for life.

Mike was a lot of things. Funny, smart, insightful, sarcastic, funny and about the freest spirit you’re likely to ever meet in your lives. He could show great compassion and empathy for others and strived to be a better man each day. For a man with no real formal education, he was the smartest, most well-read, self-educated man I’ve ever known. He was easily three times smarter than most of the idiots I knew in college. Mike was a voracious reader, something he inherited from his father. He had a thirst for knowledge unlike anyone I have ever known. He recommended the classic book “Black Like Me” to me at 13 years of age. I didn’t know any 13 year old that was reading that quality of literature; by choice, even! He was literally
teased in Junior High for reading encyclopedia’s during Study Hall. We typically spent our Study Hall’s in the library. We were the cool, partier’s from that crowd that actually read books and loved cool older movie’s, the kinds of movies that our father’s had loved. We’d discuss them for hours. Who was cooler, Steve McQueen or Clint Eastwood? He always said Steve because
he did his own stunts. I always said Clint, well, because he’s Clint! .

Mike was the funniest person I’ve ever known. I’ve never had so much fun with anybody like I had with my pal Mike. When we got together and got going there was never anyone funnier. Our nicknames for each other growing up were Flint and Steele, he Flint, I being Steele, because when we got together we made sparks. What started as a joke when we were 14, became lifelong names for one another: as he addressed a recent email to me as Steele, and signed it as Flint. He was fiercely loyal to his friends and would do anything for one. He saved me and my smart mouth from more than one beating that I most likely had coming. As I said, he was there
for me during my difficult times, I was there for him during his difficult times. We never judged each other, just loved and accepted one another unconditionally; warts and all.

You know, I could talk for hours about the countless pranks we pulled and all the times we got in trouble (and all the times we should have gotten in trouble and didn’t get caught). Long story short, Mike was like blood to me. I loved him like a brother, unconditionally and absolutely, and I will never get over this. I’ll live out the rest if my life, successfully and fulfilled, but I’ll always feel like a piece of it is missing. A void that can’t ever be filled.

Mike lived Life on his terms. Period. He never apologized or made excuses for his behavior or actions. He never pretended to be something he wasn’t. What you saw was what you got. He was probably one of the realist, truest human beings I’ve ever known. The world is most certainly a poorer place without him. I love you, Mike. You’re finally at peace, my friend.


Thanks for reading.

Opee

[Opee]

Ugh, off for the day. Won't be online, most likely, unless I come out of my Klonopin coma long enough to be lucid enough topost how rottne I feel. Again, thanks to all for reading andf commenting and supporting. Peace in the Middle East!

[Freedom4me]

Opee,
Wow. Just wow. How did your friend die? What a touching eulogy. I am so very sorry. It explains alot. I know Mike would want to you to be healthy and happy. You are on your way. He is leading you. Thanks Mike!

[mottam]

Opee:
Good morning.
You and I have never "talked" before. However, I just wanted to give you a shout and say that you have everyone pulling for you; everyone's support.

You know the drill w/ respect to w/ds: You are going to feel like ******** for a few days. Stay with us - we will stay with you. You have done this before, so you definitely can do it again.

Personally, I have relapsed so many times before this latest attempt. It is by far the longest clean streak I have had (39 days). I know it is me doing the work, but the members on this site have proven to be the strongest support group people like us could ask for.

Anyway, if there is anything I can do to help - give a shout.
At a minimum, posting helps pass away a few minutes. Those minutes add up. Before you know it, you will be back on your game again.

Wishing you peace of mind and the best of luck in your recovery.

Tom

[caughtagain]

Morning Tom, I just wanted to see how you are doing. Just a few more days man... You can do it. The eulogy was special. Thanks for sharing. .. CA

[Freedom4me]

Opee,
Hope you are hanging tough. Every hour is another hour down. In the words of the Doors, "Break on through to the other side!"

Opee,

That was a wonderful eulogy as a veteran I saw too many people die young. You are in the toughest part of the w/d's now and there is no mystery to you, all I can stay is stay strong and get through as best you can I am pulling for you all the way !!

Eric

[Opee]

Thanks everyone, truly. It's Day 4 and I still feel lousy. The worst is NO energy whatsoever. It is so much effort to stand up, do anything. Yesterday was nice, sucks being abck at work.

We're moving along OK today, looking forward to a long weekend. If I can make it thru today and tomorrow, it's all downhill, Tuesday I'll be a new man!

[caughtagain]

Hey Opee, I just wanted to say congrats on day 4... Long weekend will do wonders for just putting a few more days in. I Will not be posting as I will be at home, but you will be in my thoughts... Elliot.

[Opee]

Originally Posted by Freedom4me

Opee,
Wow. Just wow. How did your friend die? What a touching eulogy. I am so very sorry. It explains alot. I know Mike would want to you to be healthy and happy. You are on your way. He is leading you. Thanks Mike!

Hey Free,

He was a very severe alcoholic, such a nasty way to go out. It's like cancer, it's just eats away at you. He was drinking a 1/2 gallon a day easy at the end. He was having the D.T.'s really bad and would have seizures. He had one, fell and hit his head and stopped breathing. By the time he was found it was way too late. That's part of what bothers me so much, how hard he went out and how hard his last years were. He was on the street for a time. This isn't funny, but if you knew Mike, it is. He was on the street and he spent the night in a Salvation Army drop box because it was warm in there, basically, and comfortable. He was awokened by someone trying to drop off clothes and his disshevled ass rolls out of the box and just looks at this woman like "what? Say something, I dare you." Then he just casually walked off. It's sad he was living like that, but as his friend and knowing him the way I did, I can't help but laugh when I picture that scene. At 18 we went different directions. It may not sound like it to read about all of my issues, but I went to college, have had a successful career, etc, and he had none of those things. He never had faith in himself and was even worse than me at trying to find a reason to say "******** it" so he could get wasted. It was a very sad end to a very sad life. He was SO smart, too, he could have been anything. Anything in the world. But, my eulogy already said these things. He was special and I think of him every day. Over 2 months later and it hurts just as much, I'm simply cried out on the outside. As I said in the eulogy, I will live the rest of my life, successfully, but I will never get over this. Who could?

Opee

[caughtagain]

Hey Opee, how are you doing? Day 8!!!! just checking in to say hey.. CA

Just checking in, it is day 8 correct ? You must be on the other side by now, perhaps you see the light at the end of this...starting to feel normal.
If anything it is my hope that your friend Mikes story can help save another, we are all in the same boat to some degree and we know that Mikes story can easily become our own if we do not fight our addictions.
Thank You for sharing this story and I offer you my condolences.

Eric

[Opee]

Hey All,

Yep, Day 8. Quite a difference from this time last week, but I still feel pretty lethargic. I was thinking my energy would be coming back by now, but I guess now I have to exercise. Yuck. Thanks for the support, it was a rocky week, but I am definitely on the upward trend. I'll bet it will be another week before I'm "normal" again, though. The sauna was key, I was in that thing every day. Yesterday was cery lazy. I didn;t feel too bad, just didn;t want to get up and do ANYTHING. I'm patiently waiting for that part to go away. No shakes, though, so that's cool.

Opee

[caughtagain]

Right on Opee, good to have you back. Stay with us this time my friend. We are here for you. try to hang around. If you are hurting, post, if you are happy, post.. your bud CA

[caughtagain]

Good morning Opee, Just checking in to say hey. Day 9 man.... How are you feeling?

[Opee]

Originally Posted by caughtagain

Good morning Opee, Just checking in to say hey. Day 9 man.... How are you feeling?

Hey Pal,

About the same as yesterday. My sleep patterns are still screwed and I still have alot of stomach issues. Still NO energy or desire to do anything but sit still. Just rubbery and blah. We're dealing with years of abuse, so I don't think 1 week is gonna do it. I've read 2 weeks is usually the maz, but some have hurt up to a month. ********, I hope not. Just day by day, but I'm working and coping with life and doing the things I should be doing and not doing the things I shouldn't be doing. At the end of the day, what else can you do? Thanks for thinking of me, I'm getting there. This past long weekend was key.

Opee

At least the worst is gone...yeah the blahs and laziness is there and you will get some residual urges but what I call hell week is at least over. You are on the backside and riding downhill, pretty soon you will really feel great.
You will be a success story I just know it, keep it up pal and hang in there.

Stay the course we are here to support you !!

Eric

[caughtagain]

Opee, I have said it before and I will repeat it, You were Key in my recovery. Your posts did it for me. They pulled me over. Thanks. Your inspiration to others is also huge. We are human, we fall off the horse so to speak, I did it more times I would like to admit. Boy oh boy did I. So be proud Opee. Keep on Keeping on man. I agree with AFSGT, there are good things meant for you. THanks for your help Opee. Your pal CA. P.S. hit that sauna, get some cardio..

Hi Opee
Been reading your posts for a while, but posted for the first time today. I just wanted to thank you for some of your posts to other around here. You're doing great, and I'm sure you'll continue to do great.

[mottam]

Opee:
Just wanted to jump back in to offer support and congrats.
During several of my earlier attempts (before this one), I had those "quasi-relapses", few days on - few days off. Eventually, you wind up full time on.
If you are lucky - you wind up like us - FULL TIME OFF!

Great to see that you are on the road to recovery.
Remember your triggers!

Keep going.

[Opee]

Originally Posted by bestday

Hi Opee
Been reading your posts for a while, but posted for the first time today. I just wanted to thank you for some of your posts to other around here. You're doing great, and I'm sure you'll continue to do great.

Hi there, nice to meet you! Thanks for the kind words, I really appreciate it. I must admit it was never my intention to inspire anyone, I was just simply wanting a safe/secret place to vent and ********** about how uncomfortable I was. And then, slowly, over time, this became a VERY special place for me full of very special people. The fact that even a single word I have written has helped or inspired anyone to do anything positive in regards to drug use just about brings a tear to my eye (and I am not an emotional person - I've been accused of being robotic, even). I am taking this one day at a time, because I know with my history a relapse could very easily be around the corner. Hell, the phone in my pocket is full of numbers to get what I want. But, I am committed to this and just taking it one day at a time. I tried looking at the big picture, you know a month from now being clean, and the scope of it is just too enormous. I can't look at it that way. Every day is a struggle. ********, the biggest Walgreens in town is right across the street from where I work. I have to see that damn neon sign every day, but it's good for me, I think.

Thanks for reaching out, it means more than you might think.

Your new friend,
Opee

[Opee]

Originally Posted by mottam

Opee:
Just wanted to jump back in to offer support and congrats.
During several of my earlier attempts (before this one), I had those "quasi-relapses", few days on - few days off. Eventually, you wind up full time on.
If you are lucky - you wind up like us - FULL TIME OFF!

Great to see that you are on the road to recovery.
Remember your triggers!

Keep going.

Hey, Man-

You hit the nail RIGHT on the head. "Remember your triggers." I couldn't have phrased it better myself. That line right there tells me about everything I need to know in regards to your history. This "quasi-relapse" ******** is for the birds. You nailed that one, too. A few days on, a few days off. In that mode, you just feel like general ******** all the time, right? I remember years ago when I could take 2 at night and be messed up, have a great night, get a great night's sleep and wake up feeling great. Seems like a lifetime ago. Hell, it WAS a lifetime ago. I can literally trace my progression. First it was 2 pills, then 3 for a long time. Then I moved to 4 and that held for a while. Then 5, but that didn't last long at all before it was 6,. And the number just keeps on climbing. It doesn't even seem real to me that 2 500mg Vic's ever knocked me on my ass...

Thanks for the shout out, good words of wisdom. Truly.

Opee