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one relapse please respond with success stories
  1. #1
    tennlady9598 is offline Member
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    Default one relapse please respond with success stories

    Hey guys just wanted to check back in with you,I am the lady who was on tramadol for a year and a half, and i ran out with no avenues for more and i took the only option left and did an inpatient detox. I did okay for about a month and then was able to get 60 more from an old refill I had totallyforgotten about, and i took them in 3 days. Well, I am on lexapro, lithium, neurontin, and seroquel. I have never vomited so much in my life as when i was taking those trams again. Nevertheless, I took all 60 in 3 days, like i said earlier. I dont know what is wrong with me and why I relapsed, I want so badly to be free of this addiction, and I am so disgusted wth myself, that I just took them again. I havent really wanted any more since that episoode about 2 weeks ago, but I am scared I am gonna fall again. Has anyone else had similar stories but with eventual success?? Please respond guys I need ya!!!! I am taking my medication as directed and seeing an alcohol/drug therapist as suggested, so where did I go wrong????

    LOve and prayers to all who are in my shape!!!

  2. #2
    thereshope is offline Junior Member
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    I relapsed once but it was because I didn't have a way to deal with myself once I got clean. There are other issues that caused my drug use. I recommend meetings and working programs like NA. It's what worked for me.

  3. #3
    anono2 is offline Junior Member
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    If you're like me Tenn than you visit these pages in search of words of wisdom and for the feeling that comes with knowing you're not alone. Many have been where you are and many are actually there now. Tramadol or any pill for that matter, has never been the demon of choice for me but like many others here, my history with addictions could fill an encyclopedia. I believe there are many wise members here and although I don't consider myself one of them, my words are all I have to give.

    I have a very hard time believing that although pharmaceutical advancements save lives and have done incredible things, that there isn't a dark and sinister side that it is nothing short of a conspiracy. I always used to question whether or not the old saying "Money is the root of all evil" was true, but not any more. I now am content feeling that the pharmaceutical industry and those who incorrectly prescribe its weapons, are as corrupt as it gets. How else is one supposed to interpret companies who prescribe something like Paxil for depression that they already know causes it? How are we supposed to interpret taking such things any way since it is our doctor who is prescribing it? Simply put, money.

    Tenn I truly believe that if you continue to give the people prescribing you what you're taking enough time, they will kill you. I mean what is it you have been told would happen if you were not taking a very heavy cocktail of narcotics and were eating healthy and exercising properly? Do you really think after a few months of being on nothing that'd you'd feel worse than now? or worse than when you were uncontrollably vomiting like that? The last thing you said is that you are taking your meds as directed and seeing a alcohol/drug therapist so where did you go wrong. Well in my opinion you may be better off finding a therapist that believes as I do that you are a prisoner to your meds right now and need to be freed. The only therapist I ever saw that didn't think I needed to be on any kind of medication, was by and far the only one of any help to me. The true best times I have ever felt in life were completely sober and I think that's no coincidence. You may be convinced that there is a reason or need for you to take what you are taking but I believe you'd have your life back without them and could begin the journey to true happiness. It is there waiting for you and has been all along but who could blame you for not seeing it with all the hurdles you've allowed to be placed in your way. I hope someday you give it a chance and see how you’d feel if you were dependent on nothing. Like Thereshope I suggest NA meetings and wish you nothing but the best. You could get off everything, you just need to want it bad enough.

  4. #4
    exenabler is offline Junior Member
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    The one thing that is normal for us addiccts is relapse! Don't beat yourself up, the past cannot be undone, look forward. 12 step programs are the only thing I've found that successfully teach us how to change our patterns and deal with our traps. Without one , even if you're using a professional, you are flying without a net and you will fail again. Please try to go to a meeting, and give the program an honest try. Beware of people there court ordered, or the opposite sex hook up, they'll simply try to get you to use with them. All the medications you are on are a recipe for insanity, you cannot make decisions well by yourself right now. Please get input from a group who have stood in your shoes, and have found a way out. You sometines have to relapse to realaize it isn;t going to be "different this time" You have learne a hard lesson, now get back up on the horse even if you have to go back to detox a few days, and ride it with your knew knowledge and tips from your friends (us) XXX K

  5. #5
    exenabler is offline Junior Member
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    o2bacs--- Amen, amen!!

  6. #6
    Shantelle674 is offline New Member
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    I too am in the same boat as you. I'm weak, my addiction is over the counter stuff and i still have access to it. I'm trying my hardest everyday, trying to think of my kids and wanting to see them grow up and also trying to think how much my problem would kill my family as i've already put them down this road before. Be strong, for everyday you get through without something you should be jumping for joy and telling yourself in the mirror how proud you are of yourself and that you can get through this. All i know is i struggle everyday and i know exactly how you feel.
    Kia kaha (strength and love)

    Shantelle

  7. #7
    soulchild is offline New Member
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    I also think you should try meatings if you havn't yet.It doesn't hurt to try anything once.I have had relationships in A>A with the opposite sex,and they did not pull me down.It made me realize I was stronger than I thought.She wouldnt stop asking me to drink.I didn't.I was high though.But I did't impose on her.so you can always go back to detox right?Try , try and try again.Don't beat yourself up.I've heard relapse is part of recovery.I don't agree with that stateme That A.A bible thumpers recurgitate.But It doesn't put any more distance away from you and recovery than the distance that was already there.As long as you try.God be with you.I've been on all the meds you listed...enough said right.Personally I dont have a support group meaning freinds and family.So I seek help from those who are payed to pretend they care.If you even have as much as one really close family member or freind to lean on then you should do that.Do something that makes you happy sober,anything.

  8. #8
    tennlady9598 is offline Member
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    SOOO many thanks to all of you who answered. Yesterday was a bad day.I think i would have driven 5000 miles for one pill yesterday if I had any money, and I found myslef really depressed. I know this time of year is rough on folks with no problems, throw in an addiction and bipolar and you have a mess. I picked up crossword puzzles and i read I did everything I could do. I am a nervous wreck. I finally called my doc this morning and left a voicemail for him to call me in some xanax. I know this isnt the wisest choice, but Im really not fond of them recreationally, they make me sleepy, but they DO take away the nerves, and i will need that bad in the upcoming 2 weeks, ya know? Let me know what you think. YOu guys in here are great!!!! Thank you for your words of encouragement and for listening to me dump!!!!

    LOve and prayers to all who are in my shape!!!

  9. #9
    exenabler is offline Junior Member
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    Tenn I am so proud of you trying so hard, if you have in fact NEVER had xananx on any regular basis and you have really not done it recreationaly then, it may be your lifsaver right now. BUT be really careful my friend, it works for comming off other things, but it is the fastest, sneakiest addiction out there. I used something close (ativan) in the hospital for alcohol withdrawls, and I think I'd be dead now if I hadn't. I had a few xanax given me once when I relapsed, and it let me get back on the sober horse without a hospital. But make sure you don't take them reguarly, and I would be leary if you even refilled it once. Seriously girl, it's much much faster to grab you, and almost impossible to get off, but it will work. Good luck, did you try meetings? Katy

  10. #10
    tennlady9598 is offline Member
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    Just wanted to say thanks to all of you for your kind words and encouragemet. I am just gonna try to stick it out and be strong for my children. I have two boys 11 and 8 and I am your typical soccer mom..lol.....for lack of a better word. thats all I do is run to sports events, my husband is constantly gone being a referee at different basketball games around our area. To answer, I havent been to an NA meeting, cuz I am never free any night. I know that sounds like a convienient excuse but its the truth. I have been going to my AD counselor but I know thats not enough. Whats funny, is I have always been what you guys described, the life of the party, funny as hell, and the entertaining one, now Im not laughing like I did when I was using, and people are like, "shes not funny anymore, im not calling her" Its just another stressor, that we should feel the obligation to "perform" AND my husband doesnt like me being on my many medications cuz he feels it affects my sex drive, which it does. Im trying soooo hard guys, your words mean the world to me and I am blessed to have this forum!!!!! Im still gonna keep trying
    __________________PS now my seroquel which was 100mg a night and knocked me out, has been uppped to 200mg a night, does not work at all.....zero sleep, why is this when the 100mg dose worked great. Even when I cut the 200mg in half its not the same as the 100mg tablets. Whey is this??? Its drivin me nuts and sleep is soooo important right now, in my road to recovery!!!


    LOve and prayers to all who are in my shape!!!

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