Hey Pete,
Hope all is well with you. I just wanted to let you know I believe in God, but I don't judge anyone or try to push my beliefs on anyone for that matter. The 12 step programs like NA are a bit vague and really leaves a lot to interpretation. However, I believe they do that on purpose. For someone "higher power" can mean their dog Bob or their hub cap on their VWee. You catch my drift. I went to a lot of NA meetings, but they didn't help keep me clean. To be honest it was faith...and strength of will. I wanted to be around to see my daughter grow up. I realized how selfish I was and did that through a lot of reflection and prayer. And I have a great counselor who really supports me. Family, girlfriend, friends give also give me strength. Actually, meetings like NA make me depressed. Like in the movie/book "Fight Club" it perfectly depicts how people become addicted to support groups. Hell I am kinda addicted to this forum, but it is a lot more constructive then tearing into a vein and numbing myself into oblivion.
Right now I go to a "Christian" based 12 step program once a week. The leader of the group gets really pissed off at me because I'm actually one of the few people there who seems to be happy to be alive. Everyone is so dam morbid. It makes no sense to me. And the leader of the group keeps pressuring me to indicate what step I'm on and keep telling him everyone of them. He demands to know who my sponsor is and I tell him Jesus Christ. Man he gets pissed and this is suppose to be a Christian based group. I think he feels that he has a right to be up on his soap box because he was a homeless alcoholic who found his way back out of his hole. Well, I been there to except with opiates and other drugs, but I don't feel entitled in anyway. In fact, I feel shame. Like I said I get a kick out of these groups. I had to leave like 5 minutes early one time because my girlfriend had a softball game and he had the nerve to say, "If you put anything before your sobriety you will fail". You got to be kidding! People take things to such an extreme. Oh well. Had to get that off my chest.
And to be clear, I'm not one of those far right "christian" evilgelicals who spew out hate and bias and weigh you down with so much dogma that your back breaks under the pressure. I'm simply an overeducated artistic hippie surfer with long hair, piercings and a love for nature and God. I'm also a musician, author, poet, painter and really anything to do with art. So I am kinda screwed, a paradox. But one thing my heart is pure and really feel a need to help my brothers and sisters. Just like you I've been abusing my temple for a long time, but I am cleaning out the trash. I am getting out of my "angry chair" and walking on water. Time to fly...not stay hear crippled by lies. I'm fine...no need to get high. So I Fly...... God Bless  | 
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