I think I originally posted this in the wrong forum! So here goes:

Hi all! I'm happy I found this forum and what seems like some pretty wise people.

First, about me: I had a two part massive back surgery in 2008 for scoliosis which did not help. I was referred to a pain management doc who put me on various things to cure my pain and other woes. Fast forward to my meds now. I'm taking 300 mg of ms contin, 30 mg valium, Wellbutrin and 300 mg Lyrica every day. I've been trying to taper down with my doc and he suggested a hospital approach - which I need to clarify exactly what he means at next visit.

I am physically dependent on these drugs. I cannot get high and never do get high. They were for bona fide pain and sometimes still work. Once I detox, I don't know what kind of pain I'll be in.

Here's what I've read on the forum:

Subutex v Suboxone. Suboxone has Naloxone in in which not only blocks opiates but also blocks endorphins. Subutex may be a little better but is still a narcotic. Suboxone should be administered in small doses (less than 4 mg) and weaned off within 6 weeks max. Both are still narcotics and even THOSE must be weaned off. (Jeez, does this ever end?)

Rapid Detox is something I want to do but can't. I can't afford it and I'm quite sure Medicare won't allow it. That leaves me with falling into major withdrawals (above 26 on that sheet I saw) and being treated with either of the two drugs. Also from what I've read here, it has a high failure rate for people who want to get high.

I don't want to get high. I hurt and have tried everything you can name to help the pain. Meds are the only thing that helps.

I am terrified. I am a quiet, reserved, 50 yr old lady that looks disabled. I DO NOT want to be put in a rehab center with people who may be (or look like) criminals or take street drugs or young people who are all tatted up and are nothing like me. I feel alone. I feel like there will be no one there that will understand me, my lifestyle and that I am truly in pain - I have steel rods up and down my spine secured with screws and my back is still failing and I HURT. If I offended anyone by my perception of rehab units, plz forgive. I've sort of seen it in action with a family member and that is what I saw. Everyone deserves a chance at sobriety, everyone, so I don't mean anything other than I don't think I fit in a hospital stay like that and am afraid.

My doctor wants me to try this. He said if it doesn't work and we find my true pain level we can go back to treating it with narcotics. In the mean time, I have to go to a state approved, medicare accepted facility and not only deal with hideous withdrawals and possible seizures (I am seizure prone) but I have to do all this with strangers in an AA/NA type program.

Can someone give me the REAL DEAL on what I can expect in a week long Suboxone/Subutex treatment facility, how I will feel, and do the nurses and docs really give a damn when you are in distress? What DO they do for you when you don't feel good and what exactly is "not feeling good" after/during detox?

I am afraid I will have raging RLS again, anxiety, jumpiness, the feeling that my skin wants to burst open and generally want to die. That's what I think. Can anyone tell me the truth? Thank you and again, please forgive my perceptions based on a bad experience many years ago with a drug detox facility - all fancy on the outside, but the pit of hell on the inside.....maybe that's where my fear is coming from! I just want the truth from people who know.

Thanks in advance.