Need advice fast

[worriedinDE]

Hi,
okay everyone this is my first time let me start by giving you a little backgroung. I have been dating my boyfriend for just over two years. He at one point got into oxycotton and i also ended up addicted. We moved into an apartment about a year ago and we both stopped. I have been clean since. Just before christmas i found out that he was using again. It turned out the $6,000 i gave him for rent he spent on drugs. He then lost his job because he spent a week detoxing after i found out. I was left to borrow $1500 from my brother to pay our rent so we could leave our apartment. He also had run up over $1,000 on my credit card. He supposidly has been clean since november. However because he lost his job and we were forced to move out of our apartment we are now living 3hrs apart. He asked to borrow my credit card so he could get home. When i checked my bank statement he had almost $300 in atm charges. Because he went over my limit it withdrew from my bank account which is also now in the red. I am extremly frustraited and upset. I have put up with a lot and stood by this man who i feel is now putting me through the same things again. Because of this i will not have enough money to pay my rent this month. How do i confront him about this.

[Lost83]

That's definitely a pickle of a situation. I would certainly make him aware of how his irresponsibility has affected you. Put your foot down and stop giving him the benefit of the doubt. He is an addict and until he seeks help for his addiction these behaviors are going to continue getting worse. If he is lying and stealing from you and he cares about you then imagine what he is or has done to others that you aren't aware of.

[worriedinDE]

thanks for your reply. i dont know why its so hard for me to stand up to him. maybe its because im sure he would chose drugs over me. i dont know. i feel pretty pathetic.

[Lost83]

There is no need for you to feel pathetic, you didn't cause this. He has made the decision to waste his life using drugs, you made the decision to stop. Think really hard about what you want for yourself out of this life. Do you want to live in constant worry that he is stealing from or lying to you. Manipulating you to the point where you are in financial desperation? If you don't put your foot down now, I can guarantee you will not like the results.

Addiction is a progressive disease that only gets worse left untreated. I would surely not give him any access to any of your accounts, credit, bank etc. If he currently has any cards of yours, cancel them and get new ones sent to you. As long as you are there to "help him get home" every time he needs it, you are most certainly making things easier on him and he is taking advantage of that. I know it's easier said than done when someone you love needs help, we naturally want to extend the offer however, there comes a point when the "help" we are giving becomes unhealthy for all involved. Slowing the process of him coming the realization that he needs to do this for himself and no one is going to aid him in his constant quest to use.

Just realize his addiction is not your fault, it is out of your control, but you do have control over how you react and enable. Helping him out of every sticky mess he gets himself into is enabling him. If he were left to fend for himself he will find his way. He may continue using and he may not but you can't change that. I hope you find the strength to draw the line, this is life or death and the sooner he can start suffering the repercussions of his addiction, the sooner he will hopefully hit his bottom and start getting some recovery under his belt.