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My Son's addiction is destroying me.
  1. #1
    ange12 is offline New Member
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    Default My Son's addiction is destroying me.

    I am very new here and I'm not even sure why I decided to write. Maybe I keep searching for answers that just aren't there or maybe it's just because I am having a very bad time coping with things. I think I have hit an all time low and just need to vent or get some advice...I'm not sure. My Son started using >>>>>> 3 years ago and I was so uneducated and shocked at the time. I was very embarrassed and thought I could stop him by grounding him, taking away his phone, computer etc.. Little did I realize, that was the beginning of this nightmare that doesn't seem to end. I think I tried everything outside of putting him in a cage. (Believe me, it was a thought) Nothing has worked and I've heard it a million times, "an addict only quits when he wants to quit" and "they have to hit rock bottom". Well, I think I am at my "Rock Bottom" and I am wondering if he will ever recover. Looking back at the past 3 years, I have seen this epidemic sweep the cities, I have seen too many people die from it, I've watched my son O.D. at least 5 times, I sent him to Re-hab, to meetings and finally, I had him arrested. I've seen this drug turn wonderful, talented people into ugly, untrustworthy, monsters. It makes me sick!! My Son had so many opportunities and second chances and he has never hit his bottom yet. I pray every day, I read everything I can about addiction and I have never given up on him, but I am going through one of the worst depressions since the beginning of this. It is so hard for me to understand how a drug can be that powerful and that controlling over someone to the point they don't care about their family, what they look like, they don't care too much about anything except how to get high. There is a part of me that wants to believe he can beat this addiction but the success stories just seem to be so low. Maybe I am just so tired of getting my hopes up, praying "this is his bottom", and feeling good about things one day, then waking up to another dilemma. I've read so many stories about people getting clean for many years and then relapse. Is this what the rest of my life will be like...a roller coaster ride that never ends??

  2. #2
    iloerose is online now Platinum Member
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    In a nutshell, yes, that is what you're life is going to be like until he decides HE WANTS TO BE CLEAN. Addiction is stronger than love, it is stronger than hate, it is the worst kind of self-destruction, it doesn't care for you, it doesn't care for me, addiction doesn't care at all: except to stay high. It's nothing personal, it's "other". You can't kick it out, ground it, force it into rehab, because Addiction lies, guilt trips, defers responsibility, deflects. YOU NEED TO GET HELP FOR YOURSELF. His bottom could be jail, could be death, could be he gets clean. WE ARE ADDICTS: It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the drug. AGAIN, GET HELP FOR YOURSELF, NARCANON, AN ADDICTION SPECIALIST, PSYCHIATRIST, WHATEVER. You can't beat this and that is the frustration that you are experiencing: He loves the drug more than he does you. That mindset is misplaced: When we are addicted the drug is EVERYTHING. We can hurt inside about what we are doing to our families, we can be suicidal ourselves, but the drug is EVERYTHING. Something needs to shock us into letting go, YOU can't make him stop and it is NOT your fault. Blame gets no one anywhere.
    I feel for you.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    Last edited by iloerose; 10-11-2012 at 02:20 PM.

  3. #3
    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    Ange, I am sorry you are going through this turmoil... I want to give you a different spin on things.... Ok, first of all there is no way you should give up hope.... That is something YOU should never let go of... However, the hope you have needs to be first and foremost for you... For you to have the strength to continue to make the tough love choices in order for you to get through this terrible situation.... Also, to get help for YOU.. let the professionals equip you with the tools to deal with this. Your son however, if active in his addiction will only cater to the drug.... and the sickness he is going through. Asking when he will hit rock bottom or what that will be etc.. can not be determined, therefore, do not waste your energy on that. I was the kid that would never become addicted... clean cut, good grades, good at sports, well liked. blah blah blah... means nothing... I lost everything, I lied to everyone, frankly, I could care or less about how much I hurt my loved ones.. why? because of the disease of addiction. The success stories that you read about..... It is because of once thing, one common denominator... The will and the want of the Addict to change! That is it... How we got there and how we got clean is secondary to the one principle of WANTING IT... No one can make an addict want it....He/Se has to just want it so bad that nothing else matters and no one else matters... and once the addict decides that, then THEY are equipped with the primary tool they need to get and stay clean... WILL. But when I was active, my parents hope and faith in me meant nothing to me.. My love affair was with pills and my ability to feed my habit... then repeat the cycle of what I needed to do to keep that pill bottle full.. When it got empty or low, I would swear to anyone who would listen, I was going to quit... BUT when I got some more... I became the... When this stash is gone I am going to quit guy.... So, my simple hope is your son WANTS IT before he dies... But you cannot save him if he does not want to be saved and him telling you he wants to be clean doesn't mean much either.. I cannot tell you how many times I cried and told my loved ones I wanted to be clean (usually when I was out of pills and withdrawing or knew I would be soon).. But the truth is, the addict has TO SHOW people by their actions that they want it.... OVER A PERIOD OF TIME... If I seem like I am being harsh, I am sorry. But I want you to know that words mean nothing now... there has to be actions... all my best, Reid
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    ange12 is offline New Member
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    Thank you for responding Iloerose, and Reid. I don't think I have been this depressed since this nightmare began. My Son is 20 now and started using >>>>>> at 17, He is my only child and we were always very close. His best friend OD'ed on >>>>>> and died last year. I thought that may have been his bottom but instead he got worse. I tried everything from tough love to being supportive, had him probated and said he was suicidal, sent him to Re-habs, even threatened the people who were dropping him off dope. I finally followed him when nothing else worked and had him arrested. It was one of the hardest things I think I have ever done. I knew he would end up with a felony but I do not think he would of been alive today if I didn't. He went to County Jail back in May and the Judge gave him a chance through drug court to do 3 months in In patient Re-hab. As soon as he started getting passes, I knew he was not serious. He was smoking spice, and just acting like his old ways. He only had 8 more days left and I was getting nervous about him coming home, thats when he decided to go to the head shop and buy Zannie spray. Never heard of it before my Son ended up in the hospital and lost his memory for 3 days straight. Well, he is now in prison for one year for probation violation. He is very depressed and now asking me to call a lawyer for a judicial. (He misses me and wants to be home for Christmas). I know I am going on and on, but my point is...There was always hope that he would wake up, I believed in him...Now I feel like all of the Re-hab centers and jails and our communities are so filled with drugs, How do addicts have a chance if they can't get away from it? Last Tuesday, there were 28 over doses at our neighborhood hospital. If this was a food born illness or a disease that affected this many people, It would be all over the news. I don't think there is enough being done about it or should I say "it is not working" the way things are. I have been fighting a loosing battle and I think it just sucked the life out of me.

  5. #5
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    angel.....im so sorry that your son has put you through this. I can tell that you are at your wits end and it truely has sucked the life out of you. I was also a >>>>>> user for 3 years ....and in those 3 years i lost everything and anything that was good in my life. I have been sober now for about 4 years. There is hope for your son.....he just has to be the one to want it. Being in jail right now is probably the best place for him right now. The more time he has away from drugs the better. It takes a long time for an addicts body and mind to heal. I have been in your sons shoes....so anything i can do to help or offer advice just let me know.

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    ange12 is offline New Member
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    Thank you for the support Dave. I had a pretty bad melt down this week and I'm not even sure why it hit me so bad. Maybe it's because everything spins through my head on how he sounds, and what is the truth. He is in prison now and I know I should be trying to help myself instead of him but I just keep concentrating on the stories he's been telling me and wondering what is the real truth about his stay in Re-hab. He told me he was smoking spice and never did any opiates since May. He was taking subs that he bought from someone and it is bugging me because, why would he take subs without a prescription? He always wants to be his own Dr. He told me he took them because he was having cravings and there was a lot of >>>>>> going around, I think he was taking them for W/D's. He always seemed very honest about what he did after the fact, and I was believing him about not doing opiates and lectured him about replacing one thing for another and seeing the Dr. if he wanted to go on Meds., however, I look back when he had his passes and remember him having a runny nose and a poor appetite. I guess I really wanted to believe him that he wasn't doing any kind of opiates. I keep wondering how he passed all of his drug tests and other things that are driving me crazy NOT knowing if he was even trying to stay clean. His girlfriend went to visit him Weds. and she said his teeth were crooked because someone beat him up. I am filled with so many emotions from thinking the past 5 months between County jail & Re-hab didn't help, not being able to talk to him much and worried that his brain will never heal from all of this. I am also having a hard time trying to figure out how to deal with him as far as being supportive and not enabling him. It seems to be a fine line sometime and I just don't want to make anymore mistakes.
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  7. #7
    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    Ange.. hang in there, but start working on you instead of wondering... Check out and read this link.. I think what you will find is that this journey hits home to your situation:
    http://www.drugs.com/forum/need-talk...and-51993.html
    Reid

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    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ange12 View Post
    Thank you for the support Dave. I had a pretty bad melt down this week and I'm not even sure why it hit me so bad. Maybe it's because everything spins through my head on how he sounds, and what is the truth. He is in prison now and I know I should be trying to help myself instead of him but I just keep concentrating on the stories he's been telling me and wondering what is the real truth about his stay in Re-hab. He told me he was smoking spice and never did any opiates since May. He was taking subs that he bought from someone and it is bugging me because, why would he take subs without a prescription? He always wants to be his own Dr. He told me he took them because he was having cravings and there was a lot of >>>>>> going around, I think he was taking them for W/D's. He always seemed very honest about what he did after the fact, and I was believing him about not doing opiates and lectured him about replacing one thing for another and seeing the Dr. if he wanted to go on Meds., however, I look back when he had his passes and remember him having a runny nose and a poor appetite. I guess I really wanted to believe him that he wasn't doing any kind of opiates. I keep wondering how he passed all of his drug tests and other things that are driving me crazy NOT knowing if he was even trying to stay clean. His girlfriend went to visit him Weds. and she said his teeth were crooked because someone beat him up. I am filled with so many emotions from thinking the past 5 months between County jail & Re-hab didn't help, not being able to talk to him much and worried that his brain will never heal from all of this. I am also having a hard time trying to figure out how to deal with him as far as being supportive and not enabling him. It seems to be a fine line sometime and I just don't want to make anymore mistakes.

    Dear ange12,

    As a loved one of an addict, the very FIRST place for you to turn is to one of these 12-step programs, designed specifically for people whose lives have been affected by another person's drug addiction:

    Alanon: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
    Naranon*: http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html

    Through these sites, you can find local meetings. The more meetings you get to, the more help you'll receive. These are not just "support groups" in the basic sense, although there is tremendous support. It is also a program of recovery for yourself - because addiction affects every single person around the addict, especially the family. That is where you'll learn the difference between being supportive - and enabling. There is a very distinct difference - and you NEED to be able to recognize that difference. Until you do, your son will play on that line endlessly; that's what addicts do.

    It is extremely difficult - if not impossible - for an addict to continue to use drugs without an enabler in the picture. Someone has to be carrying the burden of responsibility for them - someone is keeping a roof over their head, keeping them fed, keeping them safe, etc. Anything you do that in any way makes it easier for him to continue to use drugs is "enabling." Before you do anything at all for him - ask yourself - is this part of the problem (i.e., fueling his sickness) or is this part of the solution (i.e., fueling his recovery).

    A good example is his recent request about legal help. ANY legal help that you provide is enabling. Why? To get him help to either shorten or change the consequences he's now experiencing is to lighten the burden of his drug use. He has to feel the full consequences of where the drugs have taken him. Anything you do that lessens that "consequence" is lessening the pain resulting from his drug use. Do not do it. Do not fall for the guilt trips or manipulations that the addict uses to get their way.

    Use that "test" with everything. Does he ask for money for his incidentals in jail? Refuse! You did not do anything that caused him to be in jail - and you owe him nothing to make his life in jail any easier. Does he want you to do anything to help him to get out by Christmas, by pulling on your heartstrings of "missing you"? Refuse! Do not be manipulated by the heartstrings. He wants out so he can use drugs. The longer he stays in, the longer he is away from the drugs - and the more he feels the full impact of where drugs have taken him.

    The keys to this process are often referred to as "lovingly detaching" from the addict. It means operating completely opposite from how a mother generally operates! It is hard, but it is essential. With practice, it becomes easier. Alanon and Naranon is where you'll learn these skills. You have to be able to recognize the manipulations, and have to be able to stand up to them. Manipulation is as much a part of drug addiction as the drug, itself, is. That is NOT to say that an addict wants to be deceitful or manipulative, but finding ways to fuel this addiction drives the addict to do things that are completely the opposite of the person they are, when clean and sober. This is not your son as you know him; this is a different person who is under the control of this disease.

    In the meantime, learn more about this disease. You may want to seek out counseling for yourself, hopefully with a counselor who is well-educated in the field of substance abuse.

    God bless,
    Ruth

    * The 12-step group that is aligned with NA - but for the family members - is Naranon.
    It is NOT the same as Narcanon, as someone posted earlier. Narcanon is affiliated with the Church of Scientology.
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    You will know the truth - and only the truth can set you free.

  9. #9
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
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    We are one person. My daughter is 20, she is in jail for robbing a bank, probably 3 yrs. I went thru everything you have. Followed her, had her arrested, etc. The most heartbreaking thing. I truely understand. I still cry almost everyday. It's the broken heart, takes time to mend. Do NOT get him out for Christmas. Amy was arrested a few weeks before Christmas last year, thought we would not survive. We did. She turned 20, will turn 21 and spend another Christmas in jail. It is very hard to work on us. It is a struggle daily for me. Do not let him manipulate you because of a holiday. Heck, one Christmas, Amy stole my credit card and bought presents for everyone. Didn't even know until a few months later. I pray he will get clean in jail. It has saved Amy. She graduated high school and is working on her cosmo certificates. Her eyes are bright, her brain is coming back. The longer stay in jail, the better for all, yes, even you. Going to visit in jail is very hard. Going to the grave would be harder. That is what I tell myself everyday. Stay strong. I will try to help you.

  10. #10
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
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    I want to add, rehabs are only good if they want help. There are drugs in rehab, there are drugs in jail. Also, his teeth are probably loose from the drugs. The first thing to go is the teeth. Do not let the girlfriend manipulate you either. He is using her to get to you. If I could just hug you I would. This will be one of the hardest things you have to do. Believe me. Amy (my daughter) started using at age 14. It is a long road.
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  11. #11
    ange12 is offline New Member
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    Thank You Kathleen, I read your story and felt every bit of pain you have gone through. You are much better at writing then me and wouldn't be surprised if someone would want your story for a movie. It is very moving and full of real feelings...Something that is hard to do when you are living this nightmare and revealing some really ugly things an addiction to drugs can do. This is the first time back here since Oct. 12th and after my last post, I had no intention of returning. I thought, I must be loosing my mind. Do I really need to tell the world I'm a basket case right now and do I really expect to get any answers anyway? I think that is why I am having such a hard time. I was so busy trying to stop my Son's addiction and fix him, that I was self destructing. I consider myself a very strong person normally and nothing has ever come close to this depression I've been battling. I do not plan on helping my Son by hiring a Lawyer for his Judicial, I am just heartbroken and wish it were that easy. They say, "The Truth hurts", and I guess, after 3 years...The truth finally hit me so hard...I cannot Fix him, I cannot change him, my lectures and my tears mean nothing, and I have to put it in his hands to fight this battle. How will I know the difference between lies and truth, If he is serious or is it a con? By the way, I told him I was not going to hire a Lawyer and he is going to try and do it on his own. He told me, he has not touched any kind of opiate since May 2nd and has no intention of ever touching it. (only smoked spice and that zannie spray) In the past, I may have felt a little better about that kind of progress, but now I feel like he will substitute one high for another until he goes right back to opiates. I do believe he wants to stay clean, I just fear that his age and his maturity will be a big downfall for him. Anyway, one of the reasons I came back is to ask a question...Do most people believe that Suboxone is the best method of dealing with an opiate addiction? My Son does not want to go on any kind of program like that or Methadone and I am kind of happy. I've heard so many stories on how it is so hard to get off of it and the relapses that happen anyway, so wouldn't it be better to do it without drugs if you really want to stay clean? (Just need some input on this subject) Again, thank you everyone for your advice and to Katleen for sharing your story...I know I'm not alone.

  12. #12
    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    Subox is a good method to detox if you are on opiates.... It is an opiate, but does not get you high and it has a very long half-life... BUT and here is the thing... NOTHING will work if your son does not WANT IT.. That is the key to this whole thing... When I was using I would do/say anything in order for my parents to buy it.... Looking back, my parents should have kicked me to the curb instead of always buying and hoping what I was saying..... The only thing that you should do for him is ALLOW him to show you he is clean BY HIS ACTIONS... He needs to get to a place where he WANTS it.... period. Don't be ashamed to post and ask questions, we can guide you and help you through what we experienced. WE are kind of like our own family here.. We don't judge and we care about those that are hurting. But, yeah the SUBS can work if he wants it, but there is a process for that too. Read the link about the Subs and their use below and ask away.... All my best, Reid

    http://www.drugs.com/forum/featured-...apy-50887.html

  13. #13
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
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    Angie, Amy went down the suboxone road it is only as good as the person taking it. On my thread you will read what I did with Amy on Suboxone. I drove her everyday to the clinic, we went to counceling together, then she figured out that there is a part of subs that leaves the system and you can get high. So she was on Subs and using at the same time. Let me stress to you, THEY ARE VERY SMART regarding drugs. More than us! Methadone I really don't like, it is harder to get off that than >>>>>>. The clinics are like cattle call, addicts in and out all day long. The guy who drove Amy to rob the bank used to wait outside clinics to prey on the weak. One of things that saved me is this forum. Anytime, day or night, post your feelings, we are all here to help you. Believe me. Angie, I was addicted to Amy's addiction, you understand. I lost my hair, weight, job and memory. Almost lost my husband. We are so used to taking care of them when young, it's our job right? At some point we have to let go, a little at a time. It's not easy. Like I said, still cry daily. But at least crying releases pain. You are NOT alone. I have survived. Heck my daughter was on the evening news, twice. Imagine getting calls like, hey, was that your daughter on the news? I am known in this small town as the mother of the junkie bank robber. Not all people think like that. Some have really stood up for my family. You must prepare yourself emotionally. When a child is sick everyone feels for you. When a child is an addict most don't understand. I do. You will survive Christmas, do something different this year. Last year Amy was in jail and we lost my mother and father in law. It was a very somber night. One thing that made me sing along and enjoy was the children. My nephew who is 5 years old went up to everyone not singing carols and asked why are you doing this to me? Imagine, a child saying that. I went into the room, sat next to him and sang my heart out. There is light at the end of the tunnel, it's just really dark now. Take a bath, exercise and do for you while you can. He is safe, no matter what is told to you. Safer than a crack house. Please feel comforted that I am here for you as well as all others on this forum. We really understand! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

  14. #14
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
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    A book I read that helped was 15 minutes in heaven. It is not about addiction but it helped me to know God had his arms wrapped around Amy while she was raped and beaten. Sounds strange? Another one is orange is the new black. That book will give you insight to jail.

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    ange12 is offline New Member
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    Kathleen, As soon as I get a chance, I will pick up the book..thanks. I've been so busy with work and haven't had too much time for relaxation lately. Today I tried calling my Son's Father, who has not been doing too good health wise and I wasn't getting an answer, so I called the police to ask if they would check on him and I would be on my way. I KNEW something bad happened because he always answers his phone. My instincts were right, my Son's Father was on the dining room floor, he's gone. I talked to him on Friday and I guess he must of died later in the day. I just got home a little while ago from his apartment and I am praying that they will let me tell my Son in person instead of over the phone, it will be hard enough hearing this while being locked up. I'm going to call first thing in the morning to find out. I dread the next couple of days!!

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    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    Ange, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.. Know that you are in my thoughts.. WE are here to listen if you need to vent. Reid
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    ange12 is offline New Member
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    I called the prison and so far they said I can't go and tell him in person but they will let him call me so I can tell him over the phone. I practically begged them to make an exception and they are going to ask the warden but it doesn't look good. My Son is not going to take this good at all because it was one of the things that has been mentally bothering him and told me that he will never forgive himself if something happens to his Dad before he dies and he couldn't see him. I just don't think it is right that I cannot be there in person to tell my Son what happened.

  18. #18
    staysober10 is offline Senior Member
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    Hey Ange12,

    I can't say I know how you feel because I do not have children, but from my point of view, an addict, who has been actively addicted for over two years that to an addict like me and your son, nothing you say or do for the most part will get us too change. Several years ago, I shattered by mother's heart into a million little pieces. She found out I was stealing painkillers from my dad, getting them from the street and when I couldn't find pills, I used marijuana to ease the wd. My mother knows nothing about drugs and looks at all drugs the same. She was heartbroken, she cried for days, could not eat and lost weight, she couldn't really look me in the eye. I never knew MY actions could destroy another person so badly. I felt horrible, I wanted to stop, As bad as I felt it wasn't enough for me to stop. I continued using, being very secretive and pretended I was getting clean, told my mom whatever she wanted to hear. But I kept using, because although no one likes to admit a drug is # 1 priority over EVERYTHING else, it is. Its ridiculous and a person that is addicted will never understand it until they have been addicted.

    My story is out there if you want to read it, I am no stranger to these boards. Although lately there's been a lot more reading and less writing from me, but your story made me want to give you another point of view.
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  19. #19
    wifedandalone is offline Junior Member
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    Ange,

    My heart bleeds for you. My husband is in rehab now, and we don yet have his court date for a drig related burglary charge but I too am trying to figure out if the subs are a tool to help. Hang in there, as hard as this roller coaster is. They have to hit their bottom and we have to stay sane ( & healthy) until and while they do.

  20. #20
    6145jodic is offline New Member
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    I am so sorry for all the pain you are feeling right now. I am married to a man I don't even recognize anymore. I asked him to leave because of his pain pill addiction. I have been married 24 years and after 10 years of drinking and now 8 years of opiate addiction I have finally had enough. I have children and my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how I would feel if I were to find out one of them was an addict. I can walk away from my husband but I could never walk away from my children. What I do know is that you need to find yourself a nar-anon meeting or go to there web-site. They have nightly meetings and it is amazing what you will find there. I was so completely lost when I started there, now I am learning what I need to do to help me feel better. You will learn addiction is a horrible disease that we have absolutely no control over. The effects of addiction are just as terrrible for the family as they are for the addict. I like coming to this forum to help me understand the problem my husband has a little better. I have asked him to join but according to him he is just fine. Hope you can find happiness and peace in your life, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your son.

    Jodi

  21. #21
    saddad1 is offline Member
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    Anger,

    I pray you come back soon. I pray your son comes back soon too. Maybe the realization of losing his father without being able to say goodbye will be his rock-bottom. I pray for the strength and well being of you and your family.

  22. #22
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
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    You should call the priest at the prison. I have seen where someone who had a loss was taken into a separate
    room and told the bad news. Always contact the priest, they will help you more than the warden. I can only imagine how hard this will be. Try going onto the prison website, there are some really nice people who will help you. God bless. I understand, it's always something. But, it is BETTER for him to hear the bad news in a controlled environment, than on the streets. Amy's grandfather died while she was in rehab, she took it better than us. Hang in, I hope this forum is helping you.

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    Cindy123456 is offline New Member
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    Yes i feel your fustration sadness anger stress emotional ups and downs my son has been doing bad drugs since 13 yrs old and now 23 he has weened off of methadone then on to Hydro's Pams sleeping pills oxy's and on and on he would steal from me sell my stuff digital camera stero laptop his electruc guitar all his snowboarding equipment his x box play station sold everything just to get his high then took my truck after he tore My home appart found spare keys put a annoumus plate on back got pulled over got it put in pound while i was away working and 1000 to get it out yrs My money and he will not help his mom one lil bit i have been a single mom fir 18 yrs and he yells at me calls me a B---- liar, screwed in the head. Bi polar all because the truth hurts.and HE thinks the world owes him a favour Not likely at this moment my son has taken app 5000.00 from me and wont pay rent but eats my food uses my w/dryer sleeos in my soare room i have kucked him out, asked him to leave and he laughs at me and sats go ahead call coos i dont care he is not afraud if dum cops and yes they are useless here in Canada si yes am there doing that i am 52 and havent got 2 dollars to my name due to a dis respectful, useless peice of skin fir a son and i am tired if these kuds who think they can use take abuse there family like that!!!

  24. #24
    iloerose is online now Platinum Member
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    Read Kathleen5hockey's thread. Kick him out. That's my best advice you are enabling him by letting him control your life. I know it's hard with a child of your own. Is there a rehab or institution? If not kick him out. The police are probably not helpful because you let him back in. Kick him out and when he comes back call the police tell them he is a danger to himself and to you. That you are afraid that he will hurt himself and others. He's 23 and free. There is nothing you can do short of trying to institutionalize him. Quit enabling him. Read Artist's post above. Get help from nar-anon yourself.

    Peace,

    Iloerose

  25. #25
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
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    Being the parent of a drug addict is one of the hardest things we can live thru. My life was consumed with saving Amy. They will steal, lie, hold knives to your throat, anything and everything. One of my problems was when I looked at her I saw the beautiful little baby girl I gave birth to. It was not who she was. My priest said it best, I said, Amy looked good today at church, she said, Amy looks like a drug addict. Wow! Truth hurts. Please take time for yourself. Get the addict out! You cannot heal until your home is safe, quiet and the addiction devil is tossed out. Write your feeling down on this forum. I cannot believe what I lived thru, the stupid things I did out of love, hindsight is 20/20. I fought so hard to keep her out of jail, jail saved her life. Stay strong. The embarrassment will ease, the pain will slowly fade, time will heal. It's been 7 yrs for us.

  26. #26
    Marie8282 is offline New Member
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    My 23 son has been on oxyContin for eight years. If he can't get OxyContin he uses >>>>>>. His addiction is destroying me he goes to church he studies the Bible he has never been in rehab because we cannot afford it. I need some advice on how to live with this because my son lives with me. My son's friend overdosed on >>>>>> and died. That did not bring my son to rock bottom. Anybody out there that could give me some advice on what I need to do? I would appreciate it thank you.

  27. #27
    Marie8282 is offline New Member
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    What can I do for my son that will not stop using opiates? How do I live with the worry he is going to die?

  28. #28
    istrvler is offline Member
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    The most important question is does he want to quit. Without that he won't do it you can't do it for him. If he wants to there are ways to get him free of this demon without going to a formal rehab. If you don't think he can handle cold turkey which can be tough especially if he is on H, he can get on a suboxone therapy. I don't know a lot about suboxone I was on Percocet and oxymorphone and was forced to quit because my doctor was out of town and neither my wife nor I had any way of getting any pills we found this site and the people here turned us around from just trying to survive until our doctor got back to realizing we were killing our selves and had to much to live for to destroy our lives over a pill. We both have medical reasons for pain management but no reason to take the amount we were, to consistently run our before our scripts were do essentially we realizes we were addicts. Addicted to the pills not dependent, addicted to them. It wasn't easy tears were shed we talked endlessly but we decided on Sept 4 that was it no more narcotics and have been clean since. Your son does not have to go to a formal rehab clinic and I so understand how expensive it is. There are doctors that specialize in pain management that will put him on suboxone, now this is not cheap either but more reasonable than rehabs. If you decide to go that way and he WANTS to quit make an appointment with one of these doctors and then post here, those who are experienced will help you up with a taper plan that is tried and tested with much success and within a couple of months your son can be free. As I said the key is he has to want to do this, he has to want to be off the drugs you can't do any of that for him. Hope it all works out, post here with any questions and people that know more than I will help you and get him moving. In addition let him read some of the threads here I think he will see himself in many of them and it might just motivate him to do the right thing.

  29. #29
    The Husband is offline Member
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    Ange,

    My father didn't die from an overdose but he did die from a dirty needle and to be honest with you watching someone suffer liver failure and die in your arms vomiting black blood may actually be harder because you have to see them like that and it can be a very long drawn out ordeal and people think w/d are bad... please....

    I would suggest Suboxone so if he tries to use anything else he will go into immediate w/d. With that said you have to find a good sub doc cause they are really powerful (never taken them just heard) and docs over prescribe them all the time.

    Prayers he read this!!!

  30. #30
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi haven't read anything new. Are you ok?

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