| || |
- 1 Post By BrokenHearted1
My Mother is a Drug Addict
My Mother is a Drug Addict
I don't know if this is the right place for me, but I am here and have a few questions. I am 29 years old, I have been married for ten years and have two children. My mother has been a drug addict all her life. As a teenager she used street drugs regulary, including alcohol. As an adult and mother that eventually shifted to only alcohol and then sleeping pills, and then perscription pain killers. Currently for the last ten years from what I have seen she is taking huge amounts of painkillers and sleeping pills along with the occasional anti-anxiety/anti-depressants overdose.
I have had the painful experience of finding her repeatedly after an overdose and have had her hospitalized two times without her consent and have had her brought to the hospital via ambulance and paramedics two times and had my husband drive her to the hospital once. This week actually.
When I was ten I was sent to live with her friend while she went into rehab. I think she may have been clean for a ten month period since I have known her. In the last five years my mother has: lost 2 jobs(and is about to loose her 3rd), been on disablity (for depression), lost 1 house and 1 apartment (and is about to loose her 2nd apartment), went back o live with her mother, was too high when my son went through two heart surguries and countless ER visits), has baby sat her grandchildren high (we don't allow her to be with children unsupervised now, has filed bankruptcy twice, lied to everyone constantly, borrowed money from her mother,brother and children, verbally abused me to get drugs, and has been through withdrawl too many times to count.
Currently she is in the hospital with 3 fractures caused by her falling down from being on too many drugs. Oh yeah she thinks it is the year 2004, she is having hallucinations, been in 3 car accident in 3 months, has ciggarett burns all over her mattress, couch, blankets, floor, ect. Her apartment is in filth with two broken lamps with her blood all over the place, cat urine and poo everywhere, her electric is about to be cut off, she recieved a 5 page certified letter from her company which outlined many detailed reasons for her termination all drug related!
My childhood was a nightmare thanks to my two messed up parents. I have so much anger and hatred for this woman, she was never any type of mother to me or my brothers and now she is causing me even more pain watching her live in an absolute HELL and their is nothing anyone in her family can do to help her. She admits she is a drug addict though she denies they have caused her to have all the above mentioned consequences.
I am tired. This woman is going to kill herself or someone else. I am in therapy to learn how to deal with this better because I am really struggling. I am fully prepared to walk in on her and find a corpse. My counslor says to cut her out of my life completely and have nothing to do with it. I do agree with her but it is hard. Last month when we found her she was incoherent, had no idea what was happening and was living in filth. We had her commited for five days. I cleaned her apartment up and we had a family intervention at the hospital. She was using within a day of getting released. I then told her not to contact me in anyway until she was working a program.
Since saying that, she has called me from an ER needing a ride home from getting a pain shot, had 2 car accidents, her boss called me from work asking me to check on her she no called no showed for 2 hours. I found her incoherent and called the paramedics again. This last week she received that letter from her job, and has been hospitalized AGAIN for fracturing three bones from falling down thanks to DRUGS.
I am scared, she is in such a hell and can't or won't realize it. This family is torn apart, I am tired, angry, sad, guilty, and physically getting ill. This is afecting me way to much. I don't understand how she is even still alive. I am feeling compelled to write her one final time. I don't want my last words to her to be screaming at her for being a drug addict. I want to write her and tell her I love her ( I don't even know if thats true) and that I want her to get better. I have so many conflicting emotions right now it is hard to process. I am constantly second guessing myself on how to handle this.
I guess I just need to vent, any advice would be appreciated.
Last edited by ddcmod; 10-13-2009 at 06:49 PM.
I feel for you. What you're going through sounds horrible. I know what it feels like to have a family member that you want to help but can't. Of course my situation isn't nearly as bad as what you are going through. Since you are seeing a counsler I'm sure that person will be able to give much better advice than I could. In the meantime, there is a good group of people here to listen to you so feel free to vent.
Hi Michelle. I understand your pain and anger.You have heard this before I`m sure but I`m going to say it anyway.You need to tell your mom that you love her but you can no longer be apart of her life because not only is she killing herself but she is killing you and all the people that love her.You won`t return her calls or pick her up or anything else until she makes a commitment to get well.Has she been on methadone before,if not it may be her last hope and this woman is a perfect canadate for methadone.......Dave
Finally my pain is under control!!!!!!!
I know I'm four years too late to respond to this, but I know what you're going through. My Mom has been addicted to crack cocaine for 7 years now (since I was 11 years old) and it's affected our family both financially and emotionally ever since. Five years into her addiction, she was involved in a car accident that broke her back and disabled her, nearly paralyzing her. Ever since then, her addiction has gotten so much worse. The pain is just too much for her to handle, and drugs help and hurt her at the same time. It's a vicious cycle that cannot be stopped without professional help.
I cannot tell you how many times her addiction has brought me and my family to tears. She has pawned so many of me and my brother's toys, video games, electronics, and anything that had any value to it just to get high. This past week, she stole my brothers birthday cards from the mailbox, took the money out of them, and spent it all on drugs. That's how bad her addiction is. Her addiction says, "Get money now, do whatever it takes to get it, get high, and worry about the consequences later."
I can't help her and my family can't help her. We can’t seek professional help for her because there are just so many things in the way. For example, if we do find professional help for her, then she'll lose everything. Her house, her kids, and this huge lawsuit that she's going through for her accident will all disappear, and she knows that. So her motivation for wanting to get well is automatically shot down by that.
It's just so overwhelming to think about it that I just have to mentally block the fact that she's a drug addict and try to find the good things in life. I have faith that someday she'll be sober, but I feel that she's going to have to hit a bottom in order to change. You just can't make a drug addict get well; they have to want to get well. Unfortunately, hitting a bottom is the only way for most addicts to get well. I pray this nightmare will end soon. What's scary though is that I don't know what will come first, sobriety or death.
Last edited by Lucas018; 06-08-2009 at 03:19 AM.
I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.
Hi, I understand completely what you are going thru. My daughter is a >>>>>> addict. It is so hard to draw the line in the sand. Have been doing it ok until today. That's the problem, you are doing fine then wham! It is a continual battle but I refuse to let drugs ruin my life! You have to keep telling yourself that it is their decision not yours. Don't let her near the kids unless she is supervised and even so, if she is high not at all. Kids learn what they see. Keep praying for guidence, that's what I do. This forum will help you, just writing here helps me. Good luck.
It sounds like you don't have any idea what it's like to live with a crack addict for a mother who's raising you and your two other siblings off of state disability and child support checks while supporting her habit at the same time. Not to mention eviction after eviction and utilities getting shut off constantly. Trust me, high or not high, this lawsuit matters to her as well as the rest of the family. I really don't see the confusion.
Originally Posted by Robert_325
After the lawsuit is over (which should be sometime this summer) I'd like for her to get well with the money she'll be getting, but maybe in a way where she doesn't have to lose her kids and house in the process.
I can't say that I have lived with a crack addict mother who's obvious number one priority is to get high but I have had numerous addicts in my life including my parents and husband that has given me some insight as to what you are going through. Your Mom will have to reach her bottom in order for her to WANT to get sober. I think what Robert's trying to say here is that the lawsuit will do her no good if she is dead. I understand your concern about what will happen to your younger siblings as far as child protective services goes but honestly, the enviroment you all are living in now is not good. If she does lose her kids and apartment, that just may be a wake up call for her, it may not, but you all can't go on living like this. You shouldn't have to worry about whether or not you are going to have electric or water when you get home or if you are going to have to pick up and move because you've been evicted. Do some research and see what services are available in your community. I know it's easier said than done but sitting back and doing nothing just waiting for a paycheck is not the answer. Yes, it is going to be hard and your lives will all change dramatically but isn't it worth it to know when you go home, you will have the necessities and not have to worry about your Mom passing away and you finding her or your younger siblings finding her. That would be more traumatizing in my opinion than seeking help to get out of this position. The bottom line is you can't force her to get help but that doesn't mean you shouldn't seek help for yourself and younger siblings. Sometimes the right thing isn't always the easy thing. I truly hope you reach out to somebody that can help your family, this is no way to live.
"I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it."
Please have a plan for "when" the money comes in. Most addicts go really crazy when they have access to lots of funds. Always look for another way. Use the internet, you can find alot of help. Heck, you found this forum.
My mom is addicted to pills
Hi... I am sick of my life. My mom when sober is wonderful. But that time is short lived. She gets methadone from her Dr. and was doing good. These idiots keep giving her Xanax. I am sure she trades some of her methadone for some Xanax too. I thought about having her committed but that will only hold her for 72 hours. Just enough to make her mad. I called the Sheriffs Dept. Narcotic Squad and reported one of the people I know she is getting them from. Sadly they have done nothing about it. I don't know who the other people are but I know there are atleast two more. I am trying to stop her before she kills herself. She has burned holes in the carpet and set various things on fire due to sleeping while smoking and trying to cook while pilled up. I am in a very bad spot. I had to move into a garage apartment to live till I can buy a new place to live. I have to shower and eat at her house because my brother and I don't get along. I can't find any place to help. I feel like my last resort is to have her set up. Maybe jail would help her. She went to the methadone clinic for a while but she finally got take home doses and traded them for xanax. How are you supposed to help someone when the government ties your hands.They say 72 is all that someone can be held without violating their rights. What should I do?
Last edited by I_AM_DONE; 05-15-2010 at 08:08 AM.
It's never too late.
For all those out there with a mother addicted to drugs.
It's the hardest thing in the world to deal with. We all only get one. There's a maternal bond between a mother and her child unlike any other bond on the face of this earth. To see your own mother struggling with addiction is one of the worst things in the world.
Taken into context. Is it?
My mom has promised me for 20 years now that she'd get her life together. Emotional support is easy to provide. Financial support isn't so easy on my end.
People, family, friends, say that I have to let her get better on her own. But, she's struggling. She's stressed.
The bigger questions is: Do you alter your life, or put your life on hold, in an attempt to try to save hers? It was never in anyone's plan to have their mom become addicted to drugs, no one ever plans for that. So, what do we try to do, we try to deal with it.
I can take my mom in, I think. Right now, I live with 4 roommates. So, I'd have to move out and get a place on my own, and try to bring her in with me. I'm taking the LSAT in June (3 Months), and, if I get into a law school, that will begin in August 2015. Then what will happen for her? I don't know.
Professional help. Will that do the trick? She still struggles to support herself. I get angry, because it's like why have a child when you can't support yourself, that is irresponsible. But, let's look forward.
I'm going to try this plan. That is, move out on my own somewhere down here in sunny So Cal. I'm going to study for the LSAT, apply to law schools and try to get in. Meanwhile, I'll move my mom in, help her get on her feet, and then like any person, young, old, whatever, I'll have to let her go again.
There is no ultimate answer, we all see and find. It sucks for us to have parents addicted to drugs. It's one more thing that we have to worry about, and that sucks. It's the worst thing in the world, or is it?
Nothing is impossible, absolutely nothing. We all get this one life, this one biological mother, and at the end of our lives, we'll look back on this, and I think that's what keeps most of us going. The thought: what kind of person turns their back on their own mother? Addiction is a serious problem and mental health issue, it's a sickness that sprawls throughout the brain. But, and this is my value, you have to help her help herself.
We all need a hand sometimes, and, as in the cases above, sometimes the hands just don't want to be picked up I suppose, and that also sucks.
Each situation is different. There is no universal answer. For the one up above, the mom just seems irrational, unreasonable, stubborn, and all the above. My advice for that person: walk away.
Nothing that you do will save your mother. People tried to save me. It wasn't until my rock bottom was so painful that I didn't want to live that I decided enough was enough. Only I could make that decision. My father is still out there and has no desire to change. It breaks my heart. One day at a time things are coming back together for me. I had to lose everything in order to gain myself back. Addiction leads to one of three things...institutions, jails or death. One of the first things we learn in recovery is the serenity prayer...accept the things (people, places aka your mom) you cannot change, change the things you can, and wisdom to know the difference. Have you gone to al-anon or nar-anon? If not, I highly highly suggest it. I am now in my own 12 step recovery but as a child of an addict and alcoholic, it's super important to find healthy ways to deal with life and the things that are thrown at us. We aren't God. There is a very VERY fine line between supporting someone and enabling someone. You have to do what is best for you and your family, whatever you think that is. You mention that people tell you she has to get better on her own but she is struggling and stressed....of course she is...addiction is ruining her life. I know both sides of this coin...the child of an addict and then falling into my own addiction that I'm recovering from. I truly feel for you.
Your mom knows how to get help! There's nothing "you" can do. She'll ruin your life..
[QUOTE=BrokenHearted1;423790]For all those out there with a mother addicted to drugs.
The thought: what kind of person turns their back on their own mother? Addiction is a serious problem and mental health issue, it's a sickness that sprawls throughout the brain. But, and this is my value, you have to help her help herself.
My advice to you and whoever else who may be in the same situation:
The answer to your dilemma is really quite easy if you look at it like this....Where you say, above, "The thought: what kind of person turns their back on their own mother?" ... Instead you should be asking yourself: what kind of a mother allows themselves to burden their child who is trying to do something good with her life to help out someone who "chose" to spiral out of control on drugs?? So there, you don't help her because you are not supposed to. You are the child. She is the adult, and this isn't cancer, it is mental illness and it is treated in other ways other than abusing drugs. Your mom she knows this of course so let her help her self.
I'm going to law school next year too. :-) But listen, my mother was a drug addict my entire life. She ruined my life, I had no clue I was being neglected and grew up with nothing, no love, no nothing. And my mother never got off drugs. She went through rehab a few times but would go back after the first stressful event to pop up. She ruined my life, I was smart but I had to survive so school for me was impossible because I was starved and often homeless when we got evicted. I became a teen mom just to get away from her as I knew no other way. It has taken me 20 years to raise myself, because I never had a childhood, I was living my mothers life and so I had no identity. I'm just now at 39 yrs old struggling to find out who I am, find myself which is why I find myself heading to law school. My mother didn't know she had a gifted child in me, she just threw me away. Drug addiction is a one person problem. Only they can get out. Avoid her before she ruins your life and you are not supposed to start law school with any kind of home life issues or you may not make it through. It is your time now, she lived her life, now you, ...please go and live yours :-)
Oh and for my mom, well she overdosed when I was 27 yrs old. See, no one could do anything. I wish she would have OD'd sooner for mine and my brothers sake. She ruined our entire lives and we are still picking up pieces. Oh, my brother has been in prison since 12 yrs old. He is 36 now. When he gets out, he goes right back in a month later because he can't cope with life and he shut himself off to reality when he was 7 or 8 yrs old. Sad. So as a child, never ever help your parent. Let someone else, a professional or other older adult. Believe me your mom, if "she" wants to, she will do it. If not, well it's either now or 20 yrs from now that she kills herself from drugs. At least the sooner she does the inevitable, the more time you'll have to heal. I know, but it is the reality. Just look at all the parents, alcoholics, drug addicts, >>>>>>rs, etc., look at what they all do to their kids.....all the kids are always abused or neglected. So don't feel bad if you abandon her, she already abandoned you as soon as she let drugs take over.
i just want to say that hitting rock bottom is the last thing an addict needs. That was the old way thay thought would help
an addict. An addict needs love and security. An addict has lost everything already. They need a chance in life without
being hurt anymore. Havent they hurt enough? The life they have lived has taken everything from them already.
They now have new rehabs that give them the drugs they use. They go in and get a roof over their head and the care
and love they need and that gives them the will to want to quit the drugs. I know first hand of all this. My sister overdosed
and died from soma's and pain killers. My mother is on the same path. Im thousands of miles from her and she is 73 and been through so many surgeries etc she needs her pills, even though she is addicted if we took them away now it will kill her
literally. I dont want her to hate me so i have to put up with it but im far away and dont have to see it i guess we all have
a story to tell. Michelle your family comes first your mom is a relative dont forget that. Hang in there you know whats right
for your family.