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My Husbands addiction
  1. #1
    Yvonne_23 is offline New Member
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    Default My Husbands addiction

    Wow im so glad i came across this site
    My husband of 9 yrs has had a pain pill addiction for 2 yrs now it has recently caused us to talk about divorce because i cant handle it but we have 2 kids and i dont want to hurt them I could understand a divorce if he cheated but is it worth a marrage over aqn addiction?? He puts it ahead of us He spends money on it and he is only nice to us when he has a pill in his system Its killing me to watch him slowly slip away I dont want to throw our marrage away over pills He dont want help and frankly I tried to put myself away over his problem ...What should i do???

    Lost in sc[V]

  2. #2
    trecrop is offline Member
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    What I would do is this: I would give him an ultimatum -- the pills or his family. My husband gave me that same ultimatum about eight months ago. He had before, but this time he was dead serious and I knew he wasn't playing this time. It's just something that you have to do otherwise he will just keep on doing it. He needs to get some help and he knows it, you just gotta give a shove. It's not fair to you or the kids or anyone else.

    Good luck and let me know what happens.

    Theresa

  3. #3
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    If he's been addicted for the last 2 years then he's probably going to need medical assistance to quit.He should talk to his doctor or if he's not comfortable with that then he can phone a methadone clinic.Methadone has been a lifesaver for me but it's not for everyone.Addiction is a very powerfull thing and unless your an addict yourself it's very difficult to understand.Good luck and let us know how the two of you are doing........Dave

  4. #4
    Yvonne_23 is offline New Member
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    Well the day i posted that about my problem i read alot on pill addiction and relized i couldnt make him quit cold turkey so when he came in from work i tried to talk to him and comprimise on him setting a date to get help and not exeeding 3 a day he laughed said i wasnt gonna set rules to him and he didnt need help ..and needless to say he left me ..

  5. #5
    trecrop is offline Member
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    That sucks girl. It is easy for us/me to judge because I have been in his shoes. He really has it bad if he is willing to pick drugs over his family. Maybe he needs time by himself to figure out what is going on. You are basically talking to the drugs when you talk to him. What the drugs did for me was numb any feelings I had about anything really. Just know that you did try to help him. Did he move out or did he make you leave? I wouldn't worry just yet that it is over. Let him go do his own thing and maybe he will realize what he is tossing away. If he does want to come back, make sure you set conditions, i.e., therapy of some sort. If you need to chat, you can email me anytime.

    Theresa

    trecrop@yahoo.com

  6. #6
    Yvonne_23 is offline New Member
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    Thanks so much for listening and reading ..Good News tho as of a few hrs ago he does want to work this out he IS going to get help he said 2 months ago he started getting sick of hisself and been wanting out he is going to continue to do a few a day im guessing untill he goes and gets some help but he promises he will and im going to believe him this is his first time admitting he needs help he actually talked to me tonight so maybe in time my family will get back to normal ...I will keep yall updated and i have asked him to come on this site sometime to vent and talk to people who know about what he is going through ..Thx again

  7. #7
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    Now is the time to support him but don't be afraid to give him a kick in the ass to get him going.....Dave

  8. #8
    wprince is offline New Member
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    Default at wits end ......my husbands addiction

    I am so grateful to have found this site. My husband is addicted to pain pills and I can not be the support he needs. he went to an out patient program for 4 weeks three times a week. he was using most of the time during this program. then we finally reached a point that he was just going to stop. he went to the doctor and was prescribed clonopine and a sleeping agent...which helped. he stopped last tuesday and with constant contact from me and checking on him and keeping the home in check leaving him with no responsibilities (we have two small children) he was going to stop. he was pretty sick all weekend and he was working through it - taking his medicine staying in bed and working through it. i finally was starting to see the light - this was going to work out. but then last night it came out that he used yesterday - after going almost a whole week - suffering through the weekend - getting over the hardest part - going home sick from work on tuesday - then he went to his meeting on tuesday night -(his last one for the program and the last one the insurance will pay for) and he did not like this answer and thought it was a good excuse to use pills again. he told me last night and I was furious and I am still furious. it takes all I have to even talk to him. all he can say is that he is sorry - "im sorry" - it is just a pathetic excuse for being a failure. does he not understand what he is putting us through? the money, the juggling schedules, the lack of trust, the time put into his recovery to be thrown down the toilet??? I can not tolerate this behavior...he is asking why I was so helpful for a week and he tells the truth that he did use and I freak out - i mean i am to the point that i do not know if I can continue to deal with this. he is selfish and only concerned about himself. not what he is doing to his family - to our future - to our finances - etc. i am no tolerance - you can not just quite a little or most of the time....I do not know what to do!!!! i do not know how to react - I can not help anymore....

  9. #9
    ailec22322 is offline New Member
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    I am in the same boat, and I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend of 6years told me last month that he has a pain pill addiction. The promises to quit and the "i'm sorrys" are getting old! He lost his job, stolen money to support his habit, and practically ignored our 3 year old for a month now. He also quit for 6 days, went through the whole w/d hell (vomiting, restless legs, etc.), then disappeared one day and didn't come back for a week! I know it’s hard, but you have to ask yourself if your willing to go through this with him? The relapse rate for pain pill addiction is VERY high. Try not to look at it like a failure on his part, and more like a lapse of judgement. Stay strong!

  10. #10
    wprince is offline New Member
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    Ailec - Thank you so much for the advice - how are you holding up - what are your processes for dealing with this? I went to a Al Anon meeting which I gues is similar but wish there was a good NA meeting around here....anyways....they were very focused on the serenity prayer and how you can not change everything and you have to accept it. It is a good mind set to be in. It is hard always focusing on what he is doing and where money is going and what his current status is - lapse of judgement is a good way to look at it. I was really hard on him for it - but it is so hard for all of us and he goes and does drugs to escape - we do not have that escape.

  11. #11
    ailec22322 is offline New Member
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    Don't worry about being hard on him. I think the hardest part of being with a recovering addict is supporting them! You feel like he or she is ruining you life and throwing everything away, but then when they relaspe your still have to support them. And when things are seeming just a little bit better, you remember everything that has happened and get angry again. And while your trying to support them, they act like your horrible! As for me, it has gotten to the point that I have to leave. He's bringing drug addicts around the house and things keep coming up missing. Regretably, I don't think he's hit rock bottom yet, and he's not ready to stop using. Hopefully he will get his act together and get clean for our daughter. The meetings are a good idea, and my only advice would be keep you eye on him and DON'T give him any money! Let me know how things go. Good Luck!

  12. #12
    wprince is offline New Member
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    Well things are going up and down daily....exactly as you say things get better and I get mad about all the things we could have - then my money card gets taken from my purse and then it starts all over. I am sorry to hear that you have to leave. With kids it is so hard to work through that. Hopefully you have friends and family to get you through. When do you draw the line? How long do you put up with it? How long can life be out of order. I keep rationalizing with myself that things could be worse, but also things coudl be so much better!!! Thank you for your reply and good luck...

  13. #13
    farii is offline Junior Member
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    I know exactly how you both feel. Goin through the same thing, and with the amount of times that he's lied to me since I've known about all this, its made me want to do nothing but pack up my son and leave him. I'm pregnant, and he also has two kids that live with us, and I would feel terrible, but I can't deal with the mistrust. The only thing he can bring up when we argue about it is a few times 6 months ago I came home from the bar later than I said I was. He knew where I was, and who I was with, though. Off the topic a little, but my point being that I don't know what to think or what to do anymore, either. I feel like our mutual friends are lying to me to save his ass, and that he is still truly lying to me. Last time I had the gut feeling I was right--I have it again, and I'm scared that I'm right again. I feel for you both--please feel free to contact me if you need to talk. :0) faireegurl06@yahoo.com

  14. #14
    nessasmom is offline New Member
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    Angry drug addicted husband

    Quote Originally Posted by mpvt View Post
    Now is the time to support him but don't be afraid to give him a kick in the ass to get him going.....Dave
    Well I have kicked my husband out for years of pill addiction. I am feeling so guilty, but after he took the kids in the car the other night, and came home so messed up...he couldn't even take a piss on his own. I had to do it. For my kids safety. The hardest part right now is my 3 year old wants to know when daddy is coming home. It breaks my heart. Did I do the right thing. Oh, and he also set my stove on fire that night, and the next day didn't remember ANY of it....God I feel so guilty, but would feel worse if something were to happen to the girls....

  15. #15
    CharlotteRose is offline New Member
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    I am 26 Years old and I grew up with a father that was and still is addicted to pain meds, I can tell you from a childs point of view that they will find a way to blame themselfs for why daddy is not acting right. You need to tell him that if he loves his kids and I know He does, But he needs to get help, and you have to hang in there with him because if you don't it will only get worse, First he has to admit that he has a problem. But From experience I know That dirvorce leaves them lonley and the kids will never get over it.

  16. #16
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by wprince View Post
    Ailec - Thank you so much for the advice - how are you holding up - what are your processes for dealing with this? I went to a Al Anon meeting which I gues is similar but wish there was a good NA meeting around here....anyways....they were very focused on the serenity prayer and how you can not change everything and you have to accept it. It is a good mind set to be in. It is hard always focusing on what he is doing and where money is going and what his current status is - lapse of judgement is a good way to look at it. I was really hard on him for it - but it is so hard for all of us and he goes and does drugs to escape - we do not have that escape.

    Saw your post about looking for an NA meeting close to you. Go to www.NA.org. You can go to the state you are in, or the country and follow the links. NA meetings are closer to you than you imagine I believe. I have been to them all over the country in little "hole-in-the-wall" towns. Good luck. Look and you will find some.

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