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My husband's addicted to pain killers.........
My husband is hooked on Ultrams, and Vicodin. This is going on now for a few years and I've had enough. Whenever I confront him on this subject he'll just insist that he's taking them for his back pain. I know that there's got to be some other alternative then taking these meds for the rest of his life and being an addict. I'm scared for his life and our marriage. Anytime I try and talk to him about this, he raises his voice and threatens to leave. He says he knows he's got a problem and he's gonna try and quit on his own by weaning himself off. He says by doing it this way he should bypass the withdrawal part. I don't know how true that is. I suggested that I take him in to get detoxed, but he refuses to do that. he said either we'll do it his way or he's not gonna try and quit at all. He gave me all his pills. so now I have control over how many he gets to take per day. I just hope he really wants this. I don't want to have to leave him, but at the same time I don't want to have to watch him hurt himself anymore. I don't know what to do. I feel like a basketcase!
if he has truly given you ALL his pills (which is highly questionable to me)then he has taken the first step towards weaning himself off the pills. this is very hard to do. if he makes it through this stage, even though he weans he will go through some withdrawl as i am having this same thing now. you should recognize the signs: low energy, restless legs, diarrhea, unable to sleep, chills, achiness,depression. he may have one or all or just very mildly. i would say if he has none he has a stash somewhere. i tapered to one pill and then off and am experiencing everything mildly except diarrhea. I suggest a doctor visit for him if he will agree to it. if not, make sure he takes vitamins and drinks lots of water. even when he is through withdrawl the hardest part is still ahead because mentally he will crave his drug so badly and it will call to him to pick it up again and be off and running worse than before. i can't tell you what number time this is for me quitting.[V]
Natalie~ I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am going to be honest as I don't think this is the time to dance around the issue. To me, it does not sound as though he is wanting to stop. It sounds more like he is wanting the "nagging" to stop. I don't mean that to be offensive at all. You are well within reason asking him about his usage.
I am curious and wondering if you would be able to give us a bit more info. You say that he claims he is only using them for his back pain. Does he take them only as the label dictates? Is he taking more and running out early. You didn't really say what it is that you no longer can deal with? Does he act differently or is he "nodding" out all the time? I am just wondering what about his usage has gotten you to this level of frustration.
The reason I ask is because it really matters and makes a huge difference if he is using them as prescribed for an honest to goodness bad back or is he using them to get high rather than for pain. Two very different situations. So if you could give us some more info. What he is prescribed. What he takes. What about the taking of his pills is upsetting you?
Just know you are not alone. There are so many great people on these boards and we all support each other through all kinds of craziness!! So welcome!! You may want to cruise over to the Pain killer addiction pages. read and read and read and join in the conversations too. There is so much info for you and more people will be coming on later in the day and responding to you with advise and encouragement!!!
Thank you for the replies. I don't know that he really gave me all his pills. For all I know he may have a secret stash. I can tell you he's been on these pills now for at least four years. He says he doesn't even get high off of them anymore which is no surprise. He told me the only reason he takes them is for his back. He goes to the doctor once a month. Each time he goes, the doctor writes him out more prescriptions for the ultams and vicodin. I know that last week he just got them refilled and he had a bottle of 180 Ultrams, and a bottle of 48 vicodin. I fear that since he has been taking these for so long now that it's starting to take a toll on him. Last Wed. he called me around lunch time telling me I need to come and get him. He said he was at the hospital because he was getting really dizzy and almost passing out at work. In the back of my mind I'm wondering is it because of the pills??? My husband is only 30 and he's always complaining about how he doesn't feel good. To me he's got alot of problems for being so young. That's why I want him to get clean. A friend of mine whose husband works with mine also is a pill popper which doesn't help matters. Supposably he quit last summer and he's been clean since. Well anyhow I was talking to my girlfriend last Friday and she told me that her husband told her that my husband bought an Oxy80 off of some guy from work and paid $25 for it. I hit the roof!!! I confronted my husband about it and he completely denied it. I don't know what to beleive anymore. According to my husband's prescriptions he's supposed to be taking 2 Ultrams three times a day, and 1 Vicodin three times a day. He say's that he doesn't even take as much as he supposed to. He said that when he gets up in the morning he takes 4 Ultrams, 1 Vicodin, and a nexium and that's all he takes for the day. Like I said I don't know how much of this is true. But we have three kids together, and I love him very much. I told him that the ball was in his court now. Either he gets help or I'm going to have to do whats right for me and the kids, and thats leave. Today I sent him to work with 3 Ultrams, a half of a Vicodin and a Nexium. Which would be a pill and a half less then what he is used to. Do you think I'll notice a difference today??? I called him on his lunch break to see how he was doing and he said that he can tell that he didn't take his usual dosage, but he thinks he'll be ok. I just pray that he's being honest with me. Otherwise I'm not going to be able to help him. He told me last night that if I tell anyone about this that he won't quit. I often wonder too if this is all just a put on to shut me up.
Natalie 25$ for an 80 mg.that is cheap around here a 40 mg goes for 25$-30$ a piece,thats crazy,I hope he is being honest w/ you,but you know no one can help him unless he realizes that he has a problem and wants to quit!!He may not want you talking to anyone abt this cause he may be afraid that someone will slip and tell on him,when you are an addict,you basically lie,cheat and steal for those dang devil pills.....I had a 100$ a day habit but I was lucky I had money,so I didnt have to go that route,when people are desperate they will do and say anything to get that fix,thank god he's not on >>>>>>,crack or crystal meth.then girl you would have a really big problem..If you really love him ,talk w/him not accuse him ,he'll need your support!!Take care Tamm
I try not to make him feel backed into a corner. I told him that I know that his addiction isn't his fault. He went to the doctor with pain like anyone else would, the doctor puts him on this stuff and after a certain point of taken it he got hooked. To be honest I blame the doctor for this. Any doctor would know how addictive these medications can be. Your only supposed to take them as needed for pain. To me if he was a good doctor he would see how long my husband has been taken these and express his concern about him being on these for so long, and start looking into other ways of dealing with the pain. But no, instead he just keeps writing him prescriptions. But at the same time my husband admits to me he has a problem. So yeah, maybe he couldn't help but to get hooked, but he can fix this by getting help. That's the bottom line.
Natalie ,He may be a good candidate for suboxone,You can read up on it at www.suboxone.com it also shows where the dr's in your area are that rx it,Take care tamm,Ps also ,stop by an a/a/ or n/a meeting with him he might just get hooked on those...
Thanks Tam! Actually I talked to him tonight about the suboxone. And he actually wanted to know about it, which really surprised me!!! So I went to that website and found a doctor where we live that can do it. I told him tommorrow I'll call the doctor and get some information and see about scheduling an appointment. I can't believe he's going along with it. I think his change of heart is coming from withdrawals. He said tonight he was feeling pretty ****py, and he know's what he's up against. So I hope that this Suboxone will be the answer!!
thats great natalie,the sub may be just what he needs,and im glad he's listening to you,with out arguing,he will feel so much better physically and emotionally,the sub may make him feel weird for a day or 2 then it will pass,another thing ,he does need to be in some withdrawal for it to work right,the doc should give you all the info ,It may seem a lil expensive at first but alot cheaperthan buying drugs on the streets,the pills cost abt 4-5$ a piece,depends on where you live.my monthly visits are 150.00$ plus the meds and that's alot cheaper than the 100$ a day habit I had,it will take a lot of pressure off of him,and the worry of when he can find the next dose,etc...good luck and let us know how it goes,will keep you in my prayers Tamm
My husband came home early from work today. He's feeling really bad. He made a doctors appointment to get on the suboxen but his appointment isn't until next Wednesday. I feel really helpless right now watching the withdrawls set in. Is there anything that I can do for him to get him through this until his appointment? I just want him to be as comfortable as possible.
Hi Natalie let him finish off his meds til about tuesday ,then start withdrawal or unless he thinks he can do it is go cold turkey,heck if he is not using now and dosent til wed then he will be over the worst part of the w/d,He will feel like he has a severe flu for a few days ,but then you have to worry abt him starting back ,unless he gets a good support system,counseling,N?A or a/a/ meetings,,just talk w/ him and you guys figure it out ,best of luck,and let me know how he' doing....Tamm Ps there are comfort meds that will help if he just wants to go cold turkey also plenty of water , gatorade,A good multi vitamin and lots of immodium,keep some nerve pills on hand ,they may help w/nervousness and sleep also,muscle relaxer for a few days only till he's over the worst part ,also lots of hot baths or hottub does wonders and walking,excersize all help get his natural endorphins kick in ,
Hi Natalie, I had to respond because your situation is similar to mine. My fiance had three back operations and he has been addicted to Vicodin's since his first operation back in 1994. I left him and sure enough he went to detox. I came back home and within weeks he went back on the pills and this time he overdosed. I left him so many times but, yet I keep coming back. I loved the man! I have been with him for seventeen years. If you noticed we never got married because of his addiction. We have been to counselling but that didn't
help. As time went on he need to take more to feel the affects. I just found out that he is buying Xanax off the street. You would kind of think he'd learn his lesson. No! Not an addict! I questioned him and he became defensive. He said, I am exaggerating! All he does is lie now. I pray one day that I leave and not look back. I real hope that detox helps your husband. You both have my blessing!
I'm in your boat, however, my husband is addicted to Percoset (I'm not even sure how this is spelled). Addiction will make a good man a liar, I can vouch for that. I have been married for 15 years and we have two children. If there were no ties, I am certain, I would have left him a long time ago. I consider it even still, not sure what to do. In so many ways, he is made for me, but this addiction is a parasite and is stealing him away from me. I'm very depressed and I wouldn't wish addiction on any person in the world. It is absolutely draining.
Hi Hope... I'm a new member here. Just wanted to ask how your husband was doing with his pain killer problem. It's been about four months since you've posted.. Thanks.
My two-cents being married to an addicted husband
Addicted husbands do lie, cheat and steal.
Even thought there is a piece of their heart lingering around, they are not the same person that they once were. No one is- however, some people move on to a negative way and some to a positive way.
I had a friend call me up tonight to let me know that my husband was basically over to her house and begging for her pain medication.
My friend just had surgery a few days ago and he went over to her house to use her to get some pills from her.
Typical addicted looser.
I've been with my husband for 20 years, but there comes a point when you wake up one day and think "I don't deserve this". Forget about the poor me thoughts because the older you get the less they matter.
They like to make you think that everything is your fault. It's your fault because they take the pills, it's your fault because the mortgage isn't paid, it's your fault that you have a dent in your car, and on and on and on with the "it's your fault".
Please don't let anyone be little you like that. If you do the best you can everyday and can put your head on your pillow in peace every night, than you lived your day the way you should have.
I understand that it's hard to love someone and see them change into some alien that you don't recognize. Just remember, they made the conscious decision to do what they are doing.
Even though they think that "I'm not going to get hooked", they still were aware that if they were going to pursue down that road, that it is a possibility that they could get hooked. The addiction comes after the fact and that is what makes them responsible.
Being married to someone that is addicted to drugs is not an easy thing to go through. However, do not let your emotions make rash decisions. Don't get caught up in knee-jerk reactions. Take a day or two if you can and respond after making a rational decision about the situation at hand.
BTW- it doesn't hurt to have a friend or two to talk over the situation with.
Last edited by ddcmod; 06-10-2010 at 01:28 AM.
Great post mvalenti! You know, it's like one day you just had your world ripped out from under you. Your husband, your supposed best friend, soul mate, is almost a total stranger. And the worst part is, you know have to question everything. Your trust in him has been put to the test. Having and hidding a drug addiction is infedelity. Sh*t hit the fan at myhouse about 2 weeks ago. He was his old self up until he was leaving to go out of town and just prior ot that he "went for a ride". I know what that means. He has a company vehicle so on his "rides" he takes his Harley of to his friends house to get the pills. It was 90 w/ a heat index of 103 outside and he's going for a ride. No, he went and got his little pills for the week. And when he got home yesterday, same thing. With as much as I hate to do it, it's ultimatum time. I have a little girl to worry about and besides, my previous husband developed a cocaine problem. Drugs are against my moral values and I will not compromise our well-being for someone who is on a self-destructive path. My husband knows how I feel about drugs. His own son (21) has a problem with pks. So does his ex-wife and her husband. And the kicker is, he is the first one to say something about it to. That makes him a hypocrite. Lord give me the strength!
Living the dream.....or so I thought...
Hi - I am posting this because I'm less than a year into a marriage with a man who cannot seem to kick his painkiller addiction. I guess I was a fool to think that before we got married, he really had beaten it and it was over. He voluntarily went into a rehab program and got help and took all of these classes. But then he needed surgery a couple months after we got married and got hooked. I just worry that this is going to be a teeter-tawter thing for the next 40 years of my life!? (I'm 35 now). We want to start a family, but I fear doing that with someone who is not living a healthy and balanced lifestyle himself.
What's worse, is there are "online pharmacies" just freely willing to sell people painkillers online without a prescription!? Which he has done! I don't know what to do....I feel I'm at a loss. He said he's going to go back to the healthcare center to detox. I can't control what he does. Just wondering if there is a some type of support for women dealing with this. I work a professional job Mon-Fri and I can't go to work crying every day and feeling hopeless about the situation. It's hard to see someone you love do this to themselves. I'm tired of crying. I'm a newlywed for gawd sakes and I feel like I've cried more in the last few months than I did when my mom died 10 years ago!? Just looking for some support. Thanks.....
I am an addict with 5 years clean, and I can tell you that if he wants to stay clean he needs to put some effort into his recovery. What worked for me is the NA program. A meeting a day for the first 90 days, and then several meetings a week for the rest of his life. Rehab doesn't work without an after program, plain and simple. So, I would see if he is willing to put forth that kind of effort to save your marriage.
Originally Posted by hopenfaith
There is ALWAYS hope
Clean from painkillers and all mind altering substances since 4/25/2013
to answer your question, yes there are support groups for people in your situation,
al anon, (not sure of the NA equivalent, but these guys would put you in the right direction.)
if you go there you will be amongst people who live with addicts, and decide to get better for themselves.
i am an addict, but i know of a few people who need it for themselves.
yeh, your man has to want to get clean for him, and make the moves.
go check out a meeting, im sure you will find it very insightful, like me goin to my first NA meeting, totally freaked out, but actually when people started talkin i realized i was in the right place, they knew what i felt like.
all the best,
I heard the Thomas Recipe works but have yet to try it on my husband.
Oh all my sisters out there, I feel your pain because I live it! I've been on here for the past few weeks just venting I guess, or trying to feel like I'm not a complete lunatic. My husband has been addicted for so long. The pain everyday wondering if today is the day he will be in withdrawls again because he ran out....or will today be the day he spends money we desperatly need on pills because he blew through his script for 30 days in 10. I too tried keeping his pills and handing them out, but that doesn't work.....he finds them, tells me he didn't take them and then I'm the bad guy....WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH HIS PILLS!!! He actually convinces himself that he didn't take them.
The mind games they play with you is the worst! And, of anytime we have a conversation about the pills....it always turns into something I've done wrong, or am doing wrong.
I hope it helps to know you are not alone....it helps me, even though I wish I was....I wish nobody was going through what I am.
My husband has just recently admitted to having an addiction to painkillers, I think somas and vicodin. We have been having some problems and I figured out that he was taking these because someone called and asked me if he was...I had suspected but was not sure. When I confronted him about it before he said he takes them sometimes for energy(not sure which one). Anyway, this past weekend he supposedly stopped taking them. He experienced withdraw symptoms and promised to never take them again. My problem is that I have no idea when he's on them that is why I did not know that he had a problem. The only way that I know when he is taking them is if he drinks alchohol. He gets mean and accuses me of all kinds of crazy things. I have two children and I love him more than anything. I really want to work through our problems but I think we have to address the addiction first. How can I help him through this if I don't even know when he's on them? Please help!
hope, I understand completely. I also cried for about 4 yrs., it took a toll on my job, marriage and looks. The addict is my daughter. I am a completely different person now. Please listen to all the good folks here, they understand and are here to help. It is a growing process for those of us who love an addict. It's been said many times, when the addict opens their mouth they are lying. It is a tough road. Take time for yourself, don't blame yourself (easier said than done). The hardest thing for me to realize is that addicts don't think or feel like we do. Therefore, we find it hard to believe that they will hurt us, we just cannot think like them. Please stop crying, learned the hard way, it causes wrinkles.
I am with you on everything! My husband has been taking Oxy and Vicodin whenever he can get them, he is 31 and says the same things about not feeling well all the time. He tells me he is depressed, sick, low energy etc. My husband has gotten so bad he can't even hold on to a job for more than 2 weeks.
If i were in your situation I would call his doctor and tell him that your husband is showing signs of addiction to the pills that he is prescribing. The doctor can help you come up with a plan to help him wean off the pills.
You do need to do what is best for you and the children. I recently kicked my husband out and he is living with his dad for now. I told him that if he truly wanted to come home he needed to get clean, stay clean, get a job and keep the job. Just remember that you don't have to leave, you can send him off. It doesn't matter who has been paying the bills, if you are married you deserve to stay there. Sometimes you have to bring out the big guns and have (a non-addict) friend or family member have him stay there for a few days. This will allow him to see how bad he is screwing up.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world As it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that You will make all things right If I surrender to Your Will; So that I may be reasonably happy in this life"
Please remember this quote and try to use it to help you through this next step. know, HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. you can not change him. He will always be an addict, it just matters if he loves you and your family enough to WANT to get clean and stay clean.
Originally Posted by Natalie08