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My husband's an addict! Help!
  1. #1
    Denana1967 is offline New Member
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    Default My husband's an addict! Help!

    I'm not very good with talking about this as it's something I've dealt with privately for 12+ years. I can hardly take it any longer. I need help. We need help. My husband is addicted to pain killers and really, anything he can get his hands on, pill wise. I was just reading an old thread from 2007 and I, for the first time ever, realized, I'm not alone. This being my first time reaching out, I'm a little hesitant to write much. I need to see if anyone will respond and how before I add too many details. I'm terrified someone might know us or him. Some of the issues are stealing, dishonesty, going to different doctors, buying off the streets, bills not being paid, evection, withdrawal symptoms, inability to preform sexually, our children... The list goes on. Please, if there's anyone out there dealing with this, respond. I need to talk. And I'm not even sure I know how to tell if anyone responds...
    Last edited by Denana1967; 11-11-2011 at 08:54 AM. Reason: Wanted to add another sentance

  2. #2
    Denny_D is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Denana1967 View Post
    I'm not very good with talking about this as it's something I've dealt with privately for 12+ years. I can hardly take it any longer. I need help. We need help. My husband is addicted to pain killers and really, anything he can get his hands on, pill wise. I was just reading an old thread from 2007 and I, for the first time ever, realized, I'm not alone. This being my first time reaching out, I'm a little hesitant to write much. I need to see if anyone will respond and how before I add too many details. I'm terrified someone might know us or him. Some of the issues are stealing, dishonesty, going to different doctors, buying off the streets, bills not being paid, evection, withdrawal symptoms, inability to preform sexually, our children... The list goes on. Please, if there's anyone out there dealing with this, respond. I need to talk. And I'm not even sure I know how to tell if anyone responds...
    Denana ..... Welcome to the forum. You can tell us anything here as this forum is completely annoymous! No one knows who anyone else is and that is what makes this forum so unique!

    There are many here all with the experience to offer their help and suggestions. But we do need some inforrmation. Like what kinds of pills, what strength, how many per day, and for how many months, or years using. Things like that will help us to help you!

    I was exactly the same as your husband. I abused Narcotics and most everything else for over 35 years and finally got myself clean. This forum actually saved my life. and now I have joined to offer my help to others in my my same former position. Many, many others here with the same story.

    I will tell you anything you want to know about me, within reason of course. So please post back with some more information on your husband. You will be amazed at all of the posts and help you will receive. God Bless.....Denny
    Last edited by Denny_D; 11-11-2011 at 09:13 AM.
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  3. #3
    freedom11 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi Denana - welcome from me too. I am bankrupt and losing my home due to addiction - finally dealing with it now. I was paranoid about people knowing me when i came on here too - so completely understand that. Ditto re Denny's post. SHare whatever you feel able to. The more you read (and share if you want to) the more you realise you're not alone. Keep reading. Keep posting if you feel able to. Love Jay xx

  4. #4
    Denana1967 is offline New Member
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    Default Ok, here goes...

    I'm actually sitting here shaking at the thought of writing about this...

    My husband starting taking vicodin and oxy about 12 years ago for a shoulder injury/surgery. He developed an addiction. We got through that one as he really didn't want that in his life. Since then, he has a bad motorcycle crash 10years ago that left him in a mess. Over a three year period, he took noroco (10mg vicodin) and oxy 10. He became so addicted, it required rehab. In that 3 year period, he had about 15 or so surgeries on his leg. Evictions and rehab ... and my concern helped him stop. A couple of years later, he had a bad tooth. Doc gave him vicodin and so the marry go round starts again. It got so bad that time, he was seeing two different docs, that I knew of, and getting 360 Noroco from each, monthly and still running out! He denied having a problem, said I just want him to have problems, said it's in my head... He can easily obtain drugs from just about any doctor just by showing them his very scared leg. During that time, he got fired from his job, we got evicted again and after many fights and hurtful times, he somehow stopped again. Recently he has had a job change and now he is doing hard physical work. He started complaining about pain here, pain there and I knew this was not going to turn out good. Sure enough, he finds a guy he works with how sells just about any pill you want. He told me he was only getting like 10 5 mg vicodin to help him with his pain. I can't stop him. So I reminded him of his addiction issues and pretty much begged him not to. He did anyway. He's a highly functional addict. Most anyone who meets him would never know there's a problem. The tail tail sign with me is, he cannot preform sexually. About a month ago, I questioned him about the pills. He swore to me he was only taking two a day. It's always two. Never more, never less. Over this past month, we have struggled with money badly. He keeps saying his work missed a day on his paycheck or he paid this or that. The pills were costing him about $3.00 each, per him. About two weeks ago, he admitted to me he's taking 10 norco a day! Even with that being outrageous, I still know he's not being honest with me. For I know, with everything he does tell me, there's a lot more he's not! He sleeps a lot. He sits in his chair with his eyes half closed, mouth open and drools. He moves in slow motion and slurs all the time. Even our adult children have noticed this time. We have a grandson who ask me, "What's wrong with Poppie?". He gets angry and mean when I bring it up to him. Very mean with his words and actions. Now, he's decided to play the "woe is me" card. "I'm an addict, you don't understand..." every time before, I have just tried to understand he is different than me. He does have issues I don't understand. I remind myself of our wedding vowels, better or worse, till death do us part... This time, I'm angry. I'm so angry that he's abandoned me physiologically, again. (I don't think I spelled that right) I'm angry that he has been spending at least $30.00 a day on pills when our rent is not paid. I'm angry that my children see their dad like this again. I'm angry that my youngest daughter asked me how I cannot care more about me than to stay in a marriage that is making me old, tired, wrinkled and unfulfilled and she is right! I have little sympathy this time around. I have little compassion. He should know by now! He's not a young man. Does he have a death wish??? Why?
    I know I just pikes out a lot of garbage. I hope you can sift through it and understand my thoughts. I'm just at a loss. Ohhh, and he's taking valium and drinking much more than normal. He's a typical two beer a day guy... Now it's large cups of rum and coke... Of course two a day. Always two...

  5. #5
    Denana1967 is offline New Member
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    And... He's taking methadone. He says it will help ween him off the others! He has been passed up for a promotion at work for low performance.

  6. #6
    freedom11 is offline Advanced Member
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    really feel for you denana. Sounds to me like it's not going to hit him til he hits rock bottom. It's an impossible situation for you. Do you want to give him some tough love or bail out? These sound like the only options and I appreciate how awful it must be cos all you want is your husband back. Sounds like he's not in a place where he's prepared to stop the drugs. I didnt stop til my world came crashing down around me. It sounds like you've been there before with him losing homes and jobs. I feel for you. I wish there was an easy answer for you, but there isn't is there? Love Jay xx

  7. #7
    Denny_D is offline Advanced Member
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    Denana .... I'm so sorry for your hurt and pain. You are one very smart young lady! You have it and him completely figured out! First I want to sincerely thank you for takng the time and courage to tell us what we needed to know.

    And also please understand that by your posting this, it will help relieve you in some small way. I really do understand exactly what you are going through. I was your husband almost to the letter. Only I carried it much farther. Almost to the point of death!

    The only way he is going to stop or quit is if it kills him, or that he hits rock bottom. Lets hope and Pray that it is the latter. I will Pray for the both of you and your family. He must hit absolute rock bottom before he will see the light. That is what it will take to be successful in quitting in most cases.

    You may have to tell him in no uncertain terms that you have had enough, and that either he quit this very minute, or you are going to leave him and move out. And then you absolutely MUST carry through with your threat! If you don't he will just continue to say yea right, not that again. I know remember? He will NEVER believe you if you don't act the first time you say it to him!

    I'm not telling you this is what to do, only suggesting that is what you may have to do. He may have to hear something just as that before he will think real hard about quitting. But it MUST be his decision to do so. You can threaten him til the cows come home, but if he doesn't want to quit, he won't quit. He must hit absolute rock bottom first before he will see the light! That's a fact!

    As I and many others have said on this forum before, addicts are the very best liars, theives, and manipulators there are. We will and can do almost anything to get more drugs, and then tell you we aren't taking them, or very many!

    There have been so many here with the exact same story as yours. The answers are all the same. Please take time to read some of the excellent posts about your same problems and what was suggested to others. It may help you to understand that you certainly are not alone!

    I will be here if you need to talk. Others will be by to offer their suggestions and advice as well. Sorry to be so blunt as I only wish you the very best. Thank you again for posting and please continue to do so as it really is pretty good therapy for you to get out your frustrations. God Bless.....Denny
    Last edited by Denny_D; 11-11-2011 at 10:27 AM.
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  8. #8
    ComingHome is offline Senior Member
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    Deana, please don't think that this is a unique situation and you might get noticed online. The fact is you have described a textbook case in painkiller addiction. If you read through a bunch of threads on here, you will find there are many similarities in the cases: lying, stealing, sneaking around, nodding off, spending the rent money...etc. I'm glad you came here.

    Don't forget the other side to wedding vows, HIS: promises to love, honor, obey, put you first... etc. Nowhere in the wedding vows does it ever say that you need to sit by idly while he systematically dismantles everything good in your lives. I once was your husband. I now have 6 years clean, but it never would have happened if my wife (at that time) didn't give me some severely tough love and threaten to divorce me. In my case, the damage was done anyway, and it was too late, but the threat of losing everything is still what got me on the right track. I am now happily remarried, and things are great.

    Honestly, it sounds like he is in the danger zone combining high amounts of narcotics and alcohol. The fact is, he won't get better until HE decides he's had enough and he reaches out for help. For me, it took daily meetings for a long time in order to stay clean. Addiction is progressive, and where he may have been able to quit on his own previously, that most likely isn't the case anymore. He needs to reach out for help, and unfortunately you can't make him do it. He has to want to do it himself.

    Keep reading on here and getting education. Thanks for coming here as you are helping others even if you don't realize it yet.

    CH
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    There is ALWAYS hope

  9. #9
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
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    Denana, I takes courage to post on line. The addict in my family is a child but let me tell you, they ALWAYS blame us. Take care and keep posting, there are many on this forum who can help you. Stay strong.
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  10. #10
    Denana1967 is offline New Member
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    Default My question is...

    where is his rock bottom? Again, I'm angry this time that in order for him to be "normal" our whole family has to suffer. When he's clean, he's the best. He's my best friend. He's a wonderful husband, father, Poppie... I even make myself sick reading what I've written. I sound like an abused wife who keeps going back for more. He tells me he can't take my attacks on him when, honestly, I only ask him how he did today with the weening off. He says he will fail with his attempts to stop if he doesn't feel he has my support. I know with all my heart it's manipulation at it's best. I just don't know how to make it stop. He says, "I know you will forgive me because that's how you are... A forgiving, loving person."

    I know my thoughts are scattered, bear with me.

    When he's clean, which in the big picture, is most of the time, he's awesome. We have a great relationship. We laugh. We love being around each other. We vacation just the two of us and with family. We sit down for family dinners, have a daily prayer together. There have been many times, others have told us they wish their marriages or relationships were as happy as ours. We've been married for 18 years and still so much in love. I keep asking myself, is it worth it, in that big picture, to walk away from something I have voweled to endure till death do us part for these times he's weak and gives in. I ask myself what kind of loving wife walks away when her husband needs her the most? Isn't addiction a disease? Would I walk away if he had cancer because I can't handle it? 18 years invested. I'm not young anymore. Do I want to start over? Could I start over? I know this sounds pathetic, but I think I would die from a broken heart if we didn't make it. My love and devotion for him runs deep. Very deep. I know with all my heart he loves me too... There's just times, he loves the high/drugs more.

    I am thankful I googled the topic today and found this forum. I know my experiences may help another not to feel alone. Reading other people's writing helped me already.

    And, he texted me this morning to say, so far today, he hasn't taken anything and asked me to help he pray he won't. ...

  11. #11
    Denana1967 is offline New Member
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    Default NA

    So, my husband called to tell me he still hasn't taken anything today...

    I have a question... Would I be overstepping my boundaries if I ask him to do a home drug test?

    Does anyone know if NA works?

  12. #12
    ComingHome is offline Senior Member
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    Denana, opiates can stay in his system for 3-5 days.

    As far as NA goes, I can tell you that it has worked for me and several others who have been clean a long time on this forum. But, in order for it to work, the addict has to give their full effort - 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, work the steps for starters.

    CH
    There is ALWAYS hope

  13. #13
    MatthewJulian86 is offline New Member
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    Denana, I would like to throw my two cents in if you dont mind...
    I went through a lot of painful injuries from working very hard jobs for very long hours to support my wife and children. I am was an addict(meth/>>>>>>) and should have seen the signs, my doctorS <--- never questioned the amounts or frequency of prescriptions and I didnt think twice either, I was in pain...right?....WRONG.
    I wont go into the nitty gritty details, only that I put my family through a lot of bad situations, including most of what you are dealing with, none of it woke me up until my wife threw me out and a month later money and pills ran out and I crawled back asking her to help me....NOT forgive me but just HELP me. At that point I realized that I was right back to having nothing, and my amazingly compassionate wife decided that I really wanted the help.
    I was taken back by my family and I agreed to attempt "cold turkey", I made it through two days before it was bad enough that she found me a doctor, the doc decided that Suboxone was right for my massive habit, I continued the suboxone and it took me a long time(due to following docs plan,eventually had to hide even Sub from my family) but my doses got progressivly lower and due to an unfortunate event(I destroyed my meds accidentally) I quit even the suboxone. I am in therapy, on meds, and going to counseling with my wife, again I had to make a decision to live a better life, its not easy every day but I want my wife & children more that I want an Oxy "for my back".

    It is possible for him to change, I saw what I was doing in a brief moment of clarity and I was wise enough(or scared enough) to BEG for help, if it takes being thrown out or fired or robbed by his dealer eventually he will hit bottom and have this moment of clarity and you will know, I lied SO many times & said I had stopped using and eventually my loved ones knew when I was bluffing, when I hit a bottom she knew.

    I dont believe that its wrong for you to ask for a drug test, I still agree anytime my wife asks me for one, I am also currently on an anti-depressant and ADD med. and I am back in NA/AA daily.

    I guess my point is that addicts are addicts and will lie/steal/cheat/hurt until something bad enough happens to wake us up and when that happens we can either get help or ignore it, people can change if they really want to, and if he asks for help or forgiveness it is COMPLETELY up to you & what you feel is right, lastly if you do decide that you want to participate in his recovery the conditions are up to you and if he truly wants a better way of life he wont fight you over it. If you do decide to do this, you might consider going to some NA meetings, the club I frequent has had many spouses come in and participate and ask for guidance, if a meeting you find doesnt agree with that(not all do) seek out Alanon(pronounced AL-A-NON) or something like it.

    Im very sorry that you & your family are going through this, it breaks my heart to read these posts because I remember living it. I will say a prayer for you all.

  14. #14
    Denana1967 is offline New Member
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    Default Wow!

    I am amazed as I read the posts. I'm so sorry for all of the addicts and their families. It breaks my heart to read other people stories but yet I'm so grateful to know I'm not alone. I've kept this within our own walls for so long now. I guess I've been hoping, to some degree, if I ignore it, it will go away.

    I will google NA meetings in my area and hope I can find one and he agrees to go. I mentioned this to him last night and already, he's full of excuses why he can't go. Maybe if I go alone or even with our children, he will eventually agree to go too.

    I want to say how deeply thankful for each of you that have opened up and shared your lives. This is not easy for me to open up like this... I know it can't be easy for others either.

    When I spoke to my husband last, he slurred a little. Damnit! Maybe, hopefully, I'm wrong. We will see. He's on his way home now.

    Again, thank you. I need this right now...

  15. #15
    MatthewJulian86 is offline New Member
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    Addiction is a disease, people & families go through this every day. When you feel embarassed remember that you are not alone and that you are strong enough to reach out, dont be embarassed to be strong.

    When you find a meeting, make sure to call or find a schedule & go to an OPEN Meeting(you and the kids will be welcomed there) avoid CLOSED Meetings.

    You seem like a strong woman/wife/mother, if you want to be with the man you love again stay strong and if hes ready be there to love & support the GOOD decisions hes making.

    Going to bed, saying a prayer for you all, if you need help with meetings or anything I will send you my email.

  16. #16
    ComingHome is offline Senior Member
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    You might want to take a look at Alanon or Narconon meetings for yourself. They are specifically for family members of addicts. Maybe he will eventually hit bottom and decide to go to meetings himself. In the meantime, the ones I mentioned will help you to deal with his addiction more effectively and gain back your own serenity.

    CH
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    There is ALWAYS hope

  17. #17
    MatthewJulian86 is offline New Member
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    Yes, thank you for making that suggestion ComingHome, my home group is happens to be a club that is full of spouses and loved ones that attend with or without the Alcoholic/Addict in their life, I sometimes forget that every meeting/club is different.

    I second the motion! :-P Narconon and Alanon are amazing sources of support & knowledge, however I will also say that for a long time my wife seemed to understand everything as well as learned to recognize my sometimes sick addict thought patterns when she was welcomed to attend meetings with me.

    I said a prayer for you all last night Denana, and I thought of you all after I read my "Daily Meditation"(REALLY GREAT book, available at most meeting places) this morning, I hope there are no major bad events today, touch base with us all when you can.
    Stay strong, have Faith.

  18. #18
    groucy is offline New Member
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    Denana, I could have written your post. I don't even know where to begin but do want to offer you this thought: I know you take your marriage vows very seriously but you do owe it to your children and yourself to be in a healthy environment. You don't have to divorce him at this point but choosing to move away from him til he decides to get better might be just what you need. He will have every excuse in the book and you will likely feel very guilty. I was very fearful my husband might commit suicide if I left him and he even threatened that at one point but it was all about manipulation! It was such an unhealthy situation, I had to ask him to leave. We had an awesome marriage. I was married for almost 30 years. He was my everything. He was my best friend in the whole world....until he chose to use drugs. Life was such a rollercoaster. I had to step off. I asked him to stay with his parents until he could get things together and I immediately felt relief.

    I truly believe he wanted to quit. He hated what he was doing to me and to our kids but in the end, he refused to get help. I should say at one point early in his using, he did go to inpatient treatment. He didn't use for 13 years after that but then had a motorcycle accident and several shoulder surgeries, and it all started all over again. Same story as you it sounds like! He had so many excuses it wasn't funny. He was an awesome person and we kept it so hidden even his friends didn't know he used. Our life was all SUCH a lie!

    So, I just wanted to say I think you are so awesome for searching for help and the truth in his drug use. I'm so sorry you are in the midst of all of this mess. My husband was one of the ones that lost the fight and that is so sad because he was such an awesome person. You can only control YOU. You can't control his choices. Please remember that. No amount of worry you do will change him. I personally would give him an ultimatum then stick to it. Tell him you are leaving if that is what is needed. That might just push him to seek the help he needs. I do wish you the very best!

  19. #19
    Denana1967 is offline New Member
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    Thank you Grouchy for sharing your story. I know it's not easy. I don't have a comment back right now, I need to process this. I will write soon though.

  20. #20
    Denny_D is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Denana1967 View Post
    Thank you Grouchy for sharing your story. I know it's not easy. I don't have a comment back right now, I need to process this. I will write soon though.
    Denana .... Just wanted to say hello and good morning to you today! I hope that you are doing a little better than before. You have received so many thoughts, suggestions, advice, and Prayers. I hope that you can sort it all out.

    The meetings that Coming Home suggested in my opinion is a must for you.Alanon or Narconon are both excellent choices for you. there will be so many at either with the same story as yours. you will meet new friends there that will be of so much help to you.

    You could even get some benefit with attending a NA or AA meeting in your area. They will offer you all sides of your husbands troubles and what others have done in the same situation. Just look in your local phone book or google them in your area and you will find the meeting places for all of the mentioned meetings.

    And some others such as myself have told you that you just maybe might have to offer him an ultimatum. To get himself in a meeting and get clean or you are going to leave him. Then you must absolutely positively do what you say you will. I'm not suggesting that you take this drastic step as I said before, only another suggestions like the others.

    You are a very brave person to come here and post. We are all so glad that you did. Remember that you can not make him do anything. He has to first want it very badly for himself. Hopefully he will soon before it's too late.

    We are here for you Denana. Always will be. Please keep posting often as it really does help to get your feelings out. stay strong yourself just as you are right now. I wish you the absolute best. God Bless......Denny

  21. #21
    groucy is offline New Member
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    Default Wanted to add:

    (If you look back on my previous posts you will see that I also became addicted to pills when I had constant kidney stones then kidney surgery. I didn't want anyone to think I had left out that information intentionally.)

  22. #22
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    Denana,

    I was you and it alot of repsects still am. I try to some up alot so if I jump around or leave anthing out tou would like to know just ask. I am new This forum too and had no one i could talk to I have no family but my kids m bf and his family. I have shared alot but notn this much in detail or this side of it but after reading our stor I felt very moved you are so not alone. I was 24r single mom of 2 daughter 7 and an autistic son 2 I never let men into m childrens life until I met bubba(thats m nich name for him) he is just 22 never dated younger than me but I knew this was my soulmate it was real true love the kind you can't explain (if you feel queezy do to gushiness I understand lol) and even when he met m kids it all fell into place I think he even loved them a little more than me and his family excepts me and my kids as they're own giving me the family i never had and for a single mom thats all I ever wanted. But than the spiral happened I got hit by car had trama to back and right leg was given pain meds 7.5mg vicoden 4x daily this damage is permint 2yrs go by not abusing my meds but I have become medicall dependent which mean addict I have the mood swing the depression just not the high Tolerance goes up now up to take 5-6 a day pain still there my relationshp is falling apart I know its what these pills are doing to me I'm told that I will go through with drawl just like everyone else scared I have to tell bubba i'm an addict and all the fighting is cause of these pills and what they do. I'm so afraid he's gonna leave me cause he was alwas so anti drug cause his brother being a recovering herorion addict it tramatised him (please forgive me i suck at spelling). I tell him I plan on going cold turkey he looks at me and begins to cry but what he was crying about shocked me he confessed that he too is an addict But he has a 20+ habit and owes money to some scary people. I hold the guilt for what happened to him a yr prior he hurt his back I gave him 10 pills to take over a week cause he didn't have insurance at time. but he never stopped Just took more and more. So I set it up One weekend I'm gonna do than help him through it I did it , was horrible but i felt alive and free when it was done his turn I thought he did it too faked it very well ( he did try but apprently half way through folded ) I go on with our lives things are still rough but it gonna take work to rebuild the damage I even used my last script of pills I had to pay off an outstanding bill he had with a dealer he couldn't face them so I went with my 4.9' self marched into that drug house laid the pills on the table and said take or leave it but leave my family alone I just wanted all of it to be overwith done, So now its a clean start I don't put much though into it and than that he's telling me no different. All I do know his family can never know because of the past with his brother the will disown him and blame me. An dthan out of no where "family member of mine out of spite callls his mom at work tells her I'm a junkie and her son bubba is broke cause he is supplying my habbit (mind you I haven't touched anthing for months at this point).To save him I take all the blame explain how I wasn't "junkie" but medicall dependent but still addict and now am clean i even took a test at they're home to prove it. So now his family did and still does think I was just messed up and he stood by my side. Nothing is getting better its getting worse his money is never they're, I didn't only miss the sex but the intamacy we were always super affectionate, he ignores the kids he's cold like a zombie I know he's using I comfront him he says he's working on it I'll never understand he's addicted differentl than me. My son not knowing anyother man thinks bubba is his dad my daughter calls him dad. All i could I think is how can I leave him I did this to him if onl I never gave him a pill, I can't have another man fail my kids what would that do to an autistic child(my son) how much rejection can a girl take no 2 dads have just left her, I wouldn't quit never physical but the verbal and mental abuse I took (this wasn't me I raised 2 kids on my own before him when did i become so weak). I didn't quit one day HE LEFT ME and went back home to his moms where no one knew anything and would have no bills told his family I was craz basically I came home fromschool next day my gas was shut off my phone was shut off my eletric was getting shut off and he convienced his sister i was nuts so while I was at school she broke into my house and took all his stuff. I thought I lost everything not only the man i loved my kids dad and the only real family me or my kids ever had. BUt i had to go on I sold ???? everthing I could caught up all the bills started to go to therapy to rebuild me. The hardest thing was looking at my kids not cause of him but what i did I neglected them I put everything into him . I learned I was his biggest enabler It wasn't the pill I gave him that was worse thing i did its was being his safety I gave him the ability to be a full blown addict yet apear normal and used me as an escape goat. I cried for months had to explain to my kids what happened but i refound me. As a spouse partner of an addict we almost become addict to being there enabler we put so much into that when there gone you have all this empty space but slowly you learn how to to rebuild.

    ENOUGH OF THE SAD STORY Me (now 31ysr) and bubba are together and he has 10months clean ( I Know niot much time) on subs for now but he even admitted he had to leave me to get clean at the time he blamed me but now realised it was his conchance. See that person that who was so amazing that made us fall in love with them is there its at a constant struggl between that and the addiction and the lie to know more than to themselves. He had to lose me the kids the most important things to him (BOTTUM FOR HIM) to start his road to recaovery. His parents family still doesn't know so which we plan todo after holidays. Cause they just think we're nuts and don't understand how we can break up like that and get back together lol. So I was and because his familty still thinks I was this horrible addict still am you.

    Basically Be smarter than me cause i don't know if i would have stopped enabling him ever and than I wouldn't have not only had to live with the guilt of thinking his addiction was my fault but I would have had to carry his death also. Everyone most make they're on own choice I'm sure you'll make the right one for You. Good luck god bless all of you.

  23. #23
    littln123 is offline Member
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    Default Hi Denana

    I just came across your thread today and I wanted to say Hi and offer my support. Everyone is absolutely right in that your husband has to hit his bottom before he will get clean and stay clean from the pills.
    In the meantime, you don't have to watch your life go down the drain waiting for him. When you hit YOUR bottom in dealing with him, then you will be able to do something different. You know in your heart what you need to do-after 18 yrs with this man he knows when you're serious and so do you. Alanon or an open NA meeting is a great start. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and don't wait for him to do anything.
    As far as the drug test-theres always gonna be an excuse or a justification if its positive. O that was from the other day or some such nonsense. Just remember, if he doesn't use, within just a few hours, the withdrawal will begin. Runny nose, sneezing, diarrhea. You will know very quickly whether or not he's taking pills.

    We're here for you. Congratulations on taking that first step in talking about your situation and changing your life for the better.

  24. #24
    wingsofhope is offline New Member
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    I finally decided to write after 10 yrs of dealing w/ my husband being addicted to prescription pills too. The devastation this has caused for our family is hard to swallow anymore. To read that others are going through what I am dealing with physically makes me ill ... I am so sorry! Today like many many days in our relationship I caught him lying about money he had stolen.
    This addiction to prescription pills like oxy, ultram, norco, vicodin, etc ... Because my addict will take anything he can get his hands on. I've offered treatment programs, refused, offered NA classes, refused. I know this is the very typical behavior. What other options do I have?

  25. #25
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    First of all, you should check out narcanon and get help yourself. Either there or through another counselor. You can't make him quit, no matter how hard you want him to or how much you love him. He HAS TO WANT TO QUIT FOR HIMSELF. Not for you, not for the family, but to make a better life for himself. Love has nothing to do with it, the addiction is stronger. The only option to you is pretty much tough love. Either he quits, or you leave, he has brought himself down and is dragging you down with him. That's heartbreaking. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or that he loves drugs more: He's an ADDICT and this is a disease, which certainly doesn't absolve his behavior. That's why you need counseling. You can't make him better. Addicts play games, they lie, they defer responsibility, they deflect, as in "oh honey, I have this under control". Bottom line: see a drug counselor yourself. You also may want to make your own thread here. Most of us are addicts, though not active addicts. We know the games: we played them ourselves, some of us have hit bottom hard. So, make a new thread by going to thread tools, starting a new thread and copying your story there, as this thread is outdated. There are many here who can help you and give better advice than I can. I really do feel for you, it's an impossible situation to deal with. But until he hits bottom, particularly after 10yrs of you putting up with it, he's not going to change. My best blessings and wishes are with you.

    Peace

    Iloerose
    toni.s. likes this.

  26. #26
    DonLo is offline New Member
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    my husband takes pain pills everyday we have struggled off and on not only with our marriage but his addiction to pills for 5 years we have two little boys.. I'm only 25 and I just recently realized this is something that I just may have to live with for the rest of my life if he doesn't quit and stop relapsing.. He spends our extra money on pills they come first even though he will argue with that I'm starting to not trust him because he hides things like how many he buys.. I know your suppose to stand by and support your husband but I don't know if I can live my life this way and I don't know if its fair for my children to have to live with an addict..? Please help

  27. #27
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    There is nothing you can do to change him. Please read my post above: we addicts lie, we deflect, we blame you, guilt you, we will not stop for you. Love doesn't enter in to this. It's not that he loves pills more than his family. It's that he can't stop. He can't. He has to WANT TO BE CLEAN. Nothing you say, or bargain with, will matter. You need to read my post above. Get help from Narcanon, an addiction specialist or whatever for YOURSELF. This is not just a problem of support and standing by. Living with an addict is not easy, nor should you. Get help for yourself and your children, believe me ultimatums won't work, he won't change unless he wants to change and he has to want it for himself: not you, not the kids, but to be clean and to participate in the life he could have. It's tough love with addicts, I mean real tough.

    Peace,

    Iloerose

  28. #28
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by iloerose View Post
    There is nothing you can do to change him. Please read my post above: we addicts lie, we deflect, we blame you, guilt you, we will not stop for you. Love doesn't enter in to this. It's not that he loves pills more than his family. It's that he can't stop. He can't. He has to WANT TO BE CLEAN. Nothing you say, or bargain with, will matter. You need to read my post above. Get help from Narcanon, an addiction specialist or whatever for YOURSELF. This is not just a problem of support and standing by. Living with an addict is not easy, nor should you. Get help for yourself and your children, believe me ultimatums won't work, he won't change unless he wants to change and he has to want it for himself: not you, not the kids, but to be clean and to participate in the life he could have. It's tough love with addicts, I mean real tough.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    Dear Iloerose,

    I have to speak up, as I'm seeing this on several threads!! The group that you want to refer people to is called NARANON. That is the 12-step program that is aligned with the Narcotics Anonymous (NA) program.

    You've been using the term "Narcanon" and that is completely different. Dangerously so! Narcanon is affiliated with the Church of Scientology. It's a common mistake - I did the same years back! But it's important to keep it clear. Thanks!

    God bless,
    Ruth

    You will know the truth - and only the truth can set you free.

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