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My Husband has a opiates addiction
  1. #1
    greendog21 is offline New Member
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    Default My Husband has a opiates addiction

    This is my first time ever doing something like this going on and posting but I am truley at the end of what to me seems like a too long of a road our family has been on. My husband has been addicted to opiates starting back 4 yrs now that I think about it. It is so bad now he hides things and is constantly in denial and not telling the truth. I have found out that he now hides the damn pills in different locations. I don't mean to sound harsh but I just don't feel sorry for him anymore and why would someone want to live their life being dependent on a pill???? I want to leave our marriage now over it but their is children and I think about what this would do to them. I have confronted him several times and NO HE IS NOT TAKING ANYTHING AND I AM CRAZY AND TO SHUT UP- I finally gave the either the pills or his family and it didn't seem to phase him, he has came home everynight this week glossy eyed, just staring into space and then sleeping and twitching like you wouldn't believe in his sleep, oh did I forget to add he now has a addiction to ambien as well. How pathetic is that!!! This is not the man I fell in love with and he said that he would never get help and he didn't have a problem and I could just pack my stuff and get out and he would see the kids everyother weekend then if that is what it took. As the night goes on he says things that doesn't even make sence he rambles on. I can't even trust him to watch his own kids, I can never leave him alone with the baby, he can't be trusted. What kind of marriage is that. I feel that we are slipping further and further apart over PILLS. I know he goes dr hopping and I am so close to going to our dr and having him send out the red flag on him because I have heard it can be done and it has, it is where they make a call and they can't get any opiate filled at ANY pharmacy, I just can't believe that the insurance co hasn't picked up on this yet!!! Is there anybody else out there with the same problem and what are they doing??? I truely need help and I don't want my marriage to end!!

  2. #2
    vduda is offline Member
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    Hey greendog,

    I can give you insight into your situation because I was an opiate addict husband at one time. It pretty much cost me a 20 yr marriage. There were other problems, but the drugs definitely had a big part. Briefly, I was a heavy user for 10 years of every prescribed opiate under the sun. In pills alone I took 3,500 mg a day and booted (injected) 30 to 40cc a day. I was on Fentanyl (lollipops and patches), Methadone, Morphine, Demerol, Dilaudid (injectable), Hydromorphine (injectable), Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Propoxyphene. I died 3 times from overdose. Almost lost everything. A user can justify about anything when it comes to drugs. One thing I would like to point out is that for the most part I knew I was a junkie. We don't want to be addicted. It is a disease. So would you leave your husband if he became ill with cancer, diabetes, MS or any other condition. You get my drift. I wanted to quit, but I didn't know how Kick it. The opiates are so strong. Perhaps, an intervention is called for in this case. Usually, I don't recommend interventions because a user will stop only when he or she decides to quit. However, it seems like your at the end of your rope and at least you can feel you made the effort.

    Now about calling his doctors I would really think about that decision. Right now he is at least getting clean narcotics. You cut off his supply he is going to go to the street. Possibly start shooting >>>>>>e, who Knows? My wife left me when I needed her the most. I hit rock bottom, which was almost death. My doc gave me two weeks to live. All my organs were failing. I was 40 lbs over my weight and bloated. My skin was a pale yellow because my liver was failing. Medically, I was justified in taking pain meds because of my many injuries from professional sports (soccer & martial arts) and auto accidents. Last April I broke my neck in high speed auto accident when I hit a wall going 85 mph. Had surgery in July and in Mid September checked myself into Detox. I wanted to quit. My daughter needs her father. Now I have been clean for over 6 months. Feeling great. I am alive and I give all the glory to Jesus Christ. Without His strength I would never have been able to stop until I reached the grave. And it took two times through detox (tried 3 yrs ago, with only 2 months clean before relapsing). Just really reflect on your decisions. Others will say leave that guy. But he is your husband and addiction is a disease. It is a very difficult situation and there are no easy solutions. He needs to realize that he has a problem. Maybe a seperation would be prudent. On the other hand, that could throw him into a spiral of self destruction. Many individuals on this forum say that you need to hit rock bottom. Well that could mean his death. I just thank God that he showed me my mistakes and gave me a way out. Detox was a literal hell. I almost died from detoxing. I also had been taking 40 to 50 mg of Xanax for many years. Had seizures, major dopesickness. Bedridden for over a month and a half. So if he does quit be prepared to help him. If he is on some heavy stuff he is going to get really sick. One way is to wean down or tapper with suboxone. But like you said he is denial. Get family and friends involved. That is what finally woke me up to just how bad my situation really was when I was junkie. You would think the track marks on my arm would of given me that indication. Addiction is a horrible affliction and effects everyone around. Six months later I am in perfect health. It is truly a miracle. And whether you believe in God or not I will pray for you and your family. I feel your pain. It is funny that after my wife left I got clean. A lot of times people use because of resentment. That was one of the reasons I put that poison in my body. But I have turned that over to Jesus Christ. I bless those who persecute me. In forgiving I have been forgiven. Life is beautiful. I have now stepped into the light and God has healed me. God Bless us all.

  3. #3
    Detoxer is offline New Member
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    Default Detox and Rehab

    As the director of Novus Medical Detox, I daily see the ravages caused by prescription drug addiction created by doctors prescribing it to their patients and then the patients either continuing to obtain it or purchasing these drugs on the internet or the street. Probably the worst of these drugs is OxyContin--legal >>>>>>.

    Pain is real. I have had it much of my life first from polio and then from two surgeries. However, there are alternatives to painkillers and they must be tried first. Let's not treat the symptoms but the cause.

    Prescription drug addiction is an epidemic and we must do everything we can to stop it before it overwhelms us. Education is a must.

    Your husband could go to a medical detox and withdraw safely and much more comfortably from the opioids in 7-10 days and then he should go to rehab. Getting this addiction handled is the ultimate gift to him, to you and to your family.

    Steve Hayes
    http://novusdetox.com

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    djisnoone is offline New Member
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    Greendog,

    I know what your going through, and my heart goes out to you. It sounds like he needs professional help, including detox. Trust when I say he seems "consumed" by the drug and it will definitely take over any logic, common sense and reason he has left. He will be a Jekyll & Hyde. Loving one minute, and flipping out the next. He won't be able to control himself as a rational <sober> person would. I know because I'm a 40+ yr old with a beautiful, loving wife and children and "I am" addicted to Perc/Vics. My wife, family and some friends now know about my "addiction" as I took the first few steps to recovery a week ago. I've been taking them, via prescriptions, for years now and know that I'm over-medicating and then run out, withdrawl, feel like ********************, then get a new prescription and do it all over again. I can't keep putting myself, my wife, my children, family and friends through this pretend world I live in. Nothing has really suffered, well, I guess if you ask my forgiving wife, she'll probably hide the embarrassment and tell you everything is good and I'm a wonderful husband when in reality, she's worried, I have strained our relationship and I need to quit before I lose her. I'm sorry for rambling but I'm talking from my day to day issue and I would say that your husband (like I) should have professional help. I'm scared, I won't lie, but a bigger loss is my family and more importantly, is my Lord and Savior, who've I've "shelved" for my other master within a amber bottle with a white cap. I've admitted it to many, I now have a Substance Abuse Counselor, I've joined a local NA group, now I have to detox, and be that man my wife called a husband, my children called a father, my mom called a son and my friends called a friend. I'll pray for you, your husband, my wife and me, that we are victorious and free of pain killer addiction.

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    Annette2587 is offline New Member
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    I'm sorry to say I lost this battle with my husband 3yrs ago. It was the hardest choice I ever made I had to leave him he was my best friend however he made his choice and it wasn't us. Today I dealing with my brother he is addicted to Oxy I got him help come to fine out on Tuesday he is booting the big H. On Thursday this week I made a very hard choice I went to the court and requested to have my brother sectioned It's called a section 35 you can look it up online. My brother hates me and that's very hard I know it's the addiction talking not him... However, I believe putting him in a casket would be harder! Good luck to you I wish you the best don't look back look to the future!!!
    Last edited by Annette2587; 03-09-2008 at 12:11 PM.

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    djisnoone is offline New Member
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    Annette, I'm so sorry to hear that about you and your husband and now your brother. I so understand that your brother might not like you, but it is the best decision you could have made. I'm struggling with the same issues and admitting I have the issue was the hardest thing I had to do. But I know I have to do something. My loving wife is at her wits end and I know she's so emabarrassed because of my addiction. That's why I'm already engaging professionals for help. Not to mention, I have an awesome wife, family and loving friends for support. I'm on the inside looking out and it's sooooo hard to fight this but I know I have to and will. My mom called me late last night and just wanted to tell me she loves me and that they are there for support. She was also very upset at the "system" whereas anyone can get the prescriptions over and over and over and that the "system" makes it so available and easy to get meds. And before you know it, your hooked! I had a botched up back surgery many years ago and subsequently, chronic lower back pain and now coupled with a right shoulder. I'm scheduled to have surgery (scoped) on the right shoulder in April but I'm so afraid that this month, I'm trying to kick the habit only to turn around and have the surgery, which means more pain killers and wala, I'm back in the same boat again! Very frustrating! I think I'm going to forego the surgery so I can focus on recovery and returning back to the man I once was. Best of luck (and prayers) to you, your ex-husband, your brother and family. I know what you all are going through.

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    Annette2587 is offline New Member
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    Djisnoone,

    I'm very proud of you not only that you are getting the help you need however you admit you have an addiction. I happy your wife is as strong as she has been. I tried for many years then hit my breaking point rehab after rehab just to come out and he did it again. I know I didn't and will never understand why he did this not only to his family but most of all himself. I personally have never done drugs. I will tell you I had surgery in Jan on my right shoulder the same way you will (scope) the pain was there I won't deny that it wasn't any worse than giving birth so we have something in common You have never givin birth and I have never done drugs. So here's the deal tell the Dr. to prescribe you nothing more than Ibuprofen it worked fine for me. BE STRONG you can and will do it... Annette

  8. #8
    dano72ky is offline New Member
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    Default i understand both sides

    i am not a doctor or a pharmacist,but i can say a few things that might give you something to think about.being addicted to drugs is a disease just like cancer.would you leave your husband because he has cancer?he neds help and treatment is the only way out for him.it might take a tramatic experience for him to realize he needs help.i suggest an intervention,this may or may not help,but it will let him know that there are people that care about him and he may reconize he has a problem.until he realizes he has a drug problem there is no hope

  9. #9
    greendog21 is offline New Member
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    Default Thank you for your input

    Quote Originally Posted by vduda View Post
    Hey greendog,

    I can give you insight into your situation because I was an opiate addict husband at one time. It pretty much cost me a 20 yr marriage. There were other problems, but the drugs definitely had a big part. Briefly, I was a heavy user for 10 years of every prescribed opiate under the sun. In pills alone I took 3,500 mg a day and booted (injected) 30 to 40cc a day. I was on Fentanyl (lollipops and patches), Methadone, Morphine, Demerol, Dilaudid (injectable), Hydromorphine (injectable), Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Propoxyphene. I died 3 times from overdose. Almost lost everything. A user can justify about anything when it comes to drugs. One thing I would like to point out is that for the most part I knew I was a junkie. We don't want to be addicted. It is a disease. So would you leave your husband if he became ill with cancer, diabetes, MS or any other condition. You get my drift. I wanted to quit, but I didn't know how Kick it. The opiates are so strong. Perhaps, an intervention is called for in this case. Usually, I don't recommend interventions because a user will stop only when he or she decides to quit. However, it seems like your at the end of your rope and at least you can feel you made the effort.

    Now about calling his doctors I would really think about that decision. Right now he is at least getting clean narcotics. You cut off his supply he is going to go to the street. Possibly start shooting >>>>>>e, who Knows? My wife left me when I needed her the most. I hit rock bottom, which was almost death. My doc gave me two weeks to live. All my organs were failing. I was 40 lbs over my weight and bloated. My skin was a pale yellow because my liver was failing. Medically, I was justified in taking pain meds because of my many injuries from professional sports (soccer & martial arts) and auto accidents. Last April I broke my neck in high speed auto accident when I hit a wall going 85 mph. Had surgery in July and in Mid September checked myself into Detox. I wanted to quit. My daughter needs her father. Now I have been clean for over 6 months. Feeling great. I am alive and I give all the glory to Jesus Christ. Without His strength I would never have been able to stop until I reached the grave. And it took two times through detox (tried 3 yrs ago, with only 2 months clean before relapsing). Just really reflect on your decisions. Others will say leave that guy. But he is your husband and addiction is a disease. It is a very difficult situation and there are no easy solutions. He needs to realize that he has a problem. Maybe a seperation would be prudent. On the other hand, that could throw him into a spiral of self destruction. Many individuals on this forum say that you need to hit rock bottom. Well that could mean his death. I just thank God that he showed me my mistakes and gave me a way out. Detox was a literal hell. I almost died from detoxing. I also had been taking 40 to 50 mg of Xanax for many years. Had seizures, major dopesickness. Bedridden for over a month and a half. So if he does quit be prepared to help him. If he is on some heavy stuff he is going to get really sick. One way is to wean down or tapper with suboxone. But like you said he is denial. Get family and friends involved. That is what finally woke me up to just how bad my situation really was when I was junkie. You would think the track marks on my arm would of given me that indication. Addiction is a horrible affliction and effects everyone around. Six months later I am in perfect health. It is truly a miracle. And whether you believe in God or not I will pray for you and your family. I feel your pain. It is funny that after my wife left I got clean. A lot of times people use because of resentment. That was one of the reasons I put that poison in my body. But I have turned that over to Jesus Christ. I bless those who persecute me. In forgiving I have been forgiven. Life is beautiful. I have now stepped into the light and God has healed me. God Bless us all.
    First of all I hope that you do get this reply back because I need someone to talk to~
    Thank you for your input and your opions. I truly want to say congradulations on finding your path back and starting a new life, being healed is one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself
    I just want to point one thing out that I don't wish to leave my husband and NO I would never leave him if he had cancer or any other sickness (and yes I know that this is a sickness his addiction) but he did bring this on himself and he is the only one that can stop the madness. I know he is not thinking like a sober person would, but I just can't believe the things that he does say and he says it with such meaning behind it- it is like he does know what he is saying and he would rather have a life with the pills and me not nagging him every day that he says I do. I never thought that I would spend my days and nights thinking constanly of what is he doing right now, what is he getting himself into, who is he calling and what pills is he asking for. When you did say not to cut him off from his DR -believe me I have thought about that and going to the streets and finding other drugs. I have found myself checking him regularly for trace marks, because why else would he be dropping the weight like he is???? Since I have put this blog on I have been to scared to go back and read any replys that or if I would get because this is something that I wish I never had to face. Also since doing this blog I did go out and search his truck and found lots of whiskey bottles hidden under the seat- why is that to make the drugs work better????? I feel that he has hit rock bottom or have I????? I find that my nights are waiting for him to go to deep sleep so I can search the house over or think of new cleaver hidding places that he might think of or sneaking out quietly to the cars to search them over and to look his wallet for new receipts or the checkbook for where he has written checks for that day and if they seem off- which is alot do. Then I find myself crying because this is what I find myself doing all the time- who wants that for a life. I do have alot to think about myself, I do have a child from a previous relationship and she is the one that mentioned to me that dad keeps going downstairs and he has pill bottles- my heart I truly believed it stopped for a second and I think I stood there and time truly stood still- a 7 yr old telling me this- how would she understand such a thing and oh my gosh is she hearing us talking- kids know alot more than what we give them credit for. So I also have this to think about= what if she went back and told her biological dad about this he would have me back in court so fast trying for full custody and he would just might win over this situation and that is another reason why I am so angry he has put me there, I could loose a child over his pain pill problem is this worth that. So you see why I have other reasons as to why I might have to leave him. So people out there think I am heartless and would leave my husband over this, well it is not just him I have to think about. How does a person handle this???? Then having a baby ontop of that what if the baby did find his pills- I don't even want to think about those types of situations.
    Think about this you say that death could mean rock bottom- do you think that your wife looked over several times of night to make sure that you were still breathing and didn't die in your sleep, because there are times I think ok am I going to wake up to him dead in the moring. Nights seem to be when he takes the most!!!

  10. #10
    ymccormack is offline Member
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    Greendog:

    I understand that you don't want to break up your family...trust me...I understand.

    Here's the problem though...even without trying...you are enabling him to continue this lifestyle. I'm not saying you are to blame at all....far from it. But just by providing things like a home, hot meals or whatever else you do as a mom/wife -- that's one less thing he has to worry about and one more piece of energy he can focus on getting drugs.

    I think it may be time for you to consider tough love. He won't seek help until he hits rock bottom but, in some ways, you may be preventing him from hitting rock bottom.

    Not to mention the whole custody issue. You have a right to be angry and frustrated and exasperated.

    Consider this...leave him but with the explanation that when he decides he really wants help...you will be there to help. Basically, you're giving him a little nudge towards rock bottom.

    I know people (Vduda) will argue that you should be there no matter what. The way I see it...as a mother....my kids come first no matter what. This situation endangers them on several levels and you have to take care of them and yourself first. I wouldn't risk losing a child over this.

    This situation will only get better if he gets help....you need to let him know that you are done until he gets that help.

    Sorry. Hope this helps.

    Keep us posted

    YM

  11. #11
    madwife is offline New Member
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    Default I understand

    My husband hides pills all over the place also. He also has an alcohol problem. I found this site trying to identify all of the different pills I find in the home. It's sad when it's my husband's pills I find and not my teenagers!

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    madwife is offline New Member
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    My husband hides pills all over the place also. He also has an alcohol problem. I found this site trying to identify all of the different pills I find in the home. It's sad when it's my husband's pills I find and not my teenagers!

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    vduda is offline Member
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    Dear Greendog,

    My heart truly goes out to you. In reading about your struggles it takes me back with my many years battling drug addiction. I'm not judging you in the least. It is obvious that your husband has a serious problem and with children involved it compounds the situation. Man I look back at my use and I was a completely different person. At the end of my long road as a user of opiates I basically lived in my bedroom taking unbelieveable amounts of opiates. I've already mentioned what I was taking and the mindboggling amounts. After my divorce my life spiraled out of control. Thank God for my mother who looked after me during this time. After my accident last April when I broke my neck the drug use doubled if that is possible. Basically, my mother was watching her beloved son dying. I flat lined three times from overdose and still kept taking those dam opiates. It is hard to understand unless you've been there. I didn't want to be a junkie, but this thing had grabbed me and wouldn't let go. It was truly a battle for my soul. One thing that is different about my situation is that I did not hide my drug use, except for the intravenous meds. My daughter was completely aware about what I was going through with battling addiction. She was 7 yrs old when it was getting really bad. But we have always had open communication. She is such a special person. I remember being in this constant state of numbness. The words that came out of mouth were all slurred. Most of the time you couldn't understand what I was saying, but I didn't know that. One advantage I had was that I knew I was an addict. But I fought this battle all alone with no one to cry to and no place to come home. I was lost in the wilderness surrounded by dark angels.

    Before I went into detox I was given 2 weeks to live. My liver was badly damaged; kidneys were failing; my cholesterol was 429; triglycerides 1,100; BP 160/105; Pre-Diabetic; gained 40 pounds and bloated like Elvis. My testosterone production was 0 and all my body hair stopped growing. I looked like that guy in the movie Powder. I went from an athletic person with a 30 waist to over 40. Now that I have been clean today for exactly 6 and half months my body has returned to perfect health. The doctor said it was a miracle. My liver is completely healed with two indices at 11 and 13 (normal is 0-40 & 0-56, respectively); Kidney's are working perfectly; Cholesterol 212; Triglycerides 100; my testosterone is off the charts, my waist is 29; 190 lbs of muscle and so on. I feel like I am 18 again. Never again will I go down that road of death. But it took twice through detox and 10 years to break free from this demon. The most important thing is that I wanted to quit. My daughter means so much to me and I wanted her to see her father sober. Also my saintly mother deserved to have her son back in his right mind and body. When your in the grib of addiction you just don't think straight. It's like you become another person. Really I didn't know myself anylonger. My family and friends gave me the support to admit myself to rehab. Your situation with your children is difficult. My child saw me go through the worst part of my detox. She was right there by my side and at 10 years old her wisdom surpasses most adults. I thought I was going to die, but I was determined to break free of the opiates even if it meant death. And I guess I did die to a certain degree and God raised me whole after being cleansed by the fire...remolded...reshaped. I'm not perfect in the least and I still screw up, but at least I can admit when I am wrong. My biggest regret is all the people I hurt due to my addiction.

    As for my ex-wife, she was one of the reasons I started taking opiates besides for the chronic pain. In most instances, people don't only start taking opiates for physcal pain, but also for emotional or psychological pain. It has a lot to do with resentment. On a side note, since I stopped the opiates most of my pain has lifted like a tide that comes in and covers the rough, sharp barnacles on legs of a pier. I have so many injuries from playing professional sports and car accidents. I have so much Titanium in my body, I decided to get it on my face. Currently, I have 6 piercing on my face. To me it is symbolic of my struggles. But I truely feel great. I have my bad days, but not many. God has healed me...delivered me from the prison I created for myself. My wife probably would of been happy if I had died and not come back. She became such a horrible person. No love...no sympathy...no support. Like I said, I was numbing myself physically and emotionally. This once loving person had become sick with bipolar disorder. In the end we didn't know each other. We were both sick. The only difference is that I could admit that I had a problem. Before we were even divorced she was already pregnant from some other guy and had a shot gun wedding in Las Vegas a month before the baby was born. My child was exposed to all these horrible events. But we discuss everything that happened. She is a straight A students and very athletic. I don't think she will ever go near drugs after she so what I went through. Also I took her to counseling which helped her tremendously. She doesn't want to live with her mother anymore and wants to stay with me and my girlfriend. Now she has her "da da" back and it brings tears to my eyes when I think how deep I went into that dark hole, so far away from my precious child. I always tell her she is my #1 girl. My "Bebe" has so much life and happiness in her even though she has seen and experienced some very difficult events in her life. Like I said, we have a completely open relationship. We talk about everything. Especially, the horrible life of being an addict. There is no justification for what I did to my loved ones. God is working on me daily to be a better person. I go to a counselor once a week; psychiatrist twice a month; support groups, and this forum. My friends are shocked at my recovery. Everyone taught that I was going to die. But I guess God has a different purpose for me. I am a musician, artist, author, poet, teacher, coach, surfer, father, lover, but I am not a junkie anylonger. Nonetheless, the junkie is always under the surface waiting for any opportunity to break through and destroy me. In Johny Cash's words, "I keep a close look on this heart of mine...I keep my eyes wide open all the time". Like I said I struggle, but God makes my path clear.

    You know at some point if your husband does not seek help you may have to leave for the good of your children. I'm not suggesting a divorce, but a seperation so you can also heal and reflect on your choices. He seems to be in a real bad place. This is one instance were an intervention is necessay, but if he doesn't want to quit it will do no good. But now that you have explained the situation with your children, you may have to leave him for yours and their sake. My wife left me when I was asking for help. I wantd to quit, but I knew I couldn't do it alone. But she was so self absorbed that she was not willing to help me. Instead, she abandoned me. Your case seems to be the opposite. I will pray for you and your family. God Bless you...God Bless all of us.

  14. #14
    greendog21 is offline New Member
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    Default My husband still has a opiates addiction

    Quote Originally Posted by madwife View Post
    My husband hides pills all over the place also. He also has an alcohol problem. I found this site trying to identify all of the different pills I find in the home. It's sad when it's my husband's pills I find and not my teenagers!
    Well, don't feel alone, my husband seems to be a alcoholic as well now, he has came home drunk for the past 4 nights!! I am so proud of him right now, HA HA!!!! I am more embarrased than anything right now, if family and friends knew I would die and I can't talk to my family because of me not wanting them to find out. I have been through the whole finding individual pills here and there and I research them on the internet or I call wallgreens and ask them to tell me what pill this is, recently I had to call them and turns out I found a tramadol pill, the Dr must have been on to him because that is a non narcotic drug, why would he waste his time with that one... I find myself more pissed today and it seems everyday it is worse and worse. I asked last night about the drinking and this is not the man that I love and I want the old one back and his reply was well you got this person now and just wait and see who I am when I get home tom. what kind of ******************** is that??????
    I am now every day closer to leaving, don't want that be it is just gonna have to be that way, not subjecting the kids to pill popper but now a drunk as well.

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    ymccormack is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by greendog21 View Post
    Well, don't feel alone, my husband seems to be a alcoholic as well now, he has came home drunk for the past 4 nights!! I am so proud of him right now, HA HA!!!! I am more embarrased than anything right now, if family and friends knew I would die and I can't talk to my family because of me not wanting them to find out. I have been through the whole finding individual pills here and there and I research them on the internet or I call wallgreens and ask them to tell me what pill this is, recently I had to call them and turns out I found a tramadol pill, the Dr must have been on to him because that is a non narcotic drug, why would he waste his time with that one... I find myself more pissed today and it seems everyday it is worse and worse. I asked last night about the drinking and this is not the man that I love and I want the old one back and his reply was well you got this person now and just wait and see who I am when I get home tom. what kind of ******************** is that??????
    I am now every day closer to leaving, don't want that be it is just gonna have to be that way, not subjecting the kids to pill popper but now a drunk as well.
    Wow! You need to get the ******************** out of there! Like ASAP!

    YM

  16. #16
    ymccormack is offline Member
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    [QUOTE=vduda;198065]Dear Greendog,


    As for my ex-wife, she was one of the reasons I started taking opiates besides for the chronic pain. In most instances, people don't only start taking opiates for physcal pain, but also for emotional or psychological pain. It has a lot to do with resentment.QUOTE]


    Vduda: I think it's pretty weak to blame your addiction on your ex wife - even if only partially. Resentment is no excuse for drug abuse.

    YM

  17. #17
    vduda is offline Member
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    ymc,

    It's easy to judge. Obviously, you have not followed my story. I have taken complete responsibility for my actions. My point was that many times people take pain medications for more than just the physical pain. I was sharing something personal and it is people like you who instead of sharing your own experiences feel more comfortable pointing the finger in judgment. You were not there...you don't know what happened in my life. Take the plank out of your own eye before you try to take the speck from mine. In my responses I try not to judge and maybe you should do the same.

    By the way I was not blaming anyone for my drug use. If I am so weak why have taken responsibility for my actions and after battling this addiction have been clean for 6 and half months. I have never had you say anything positive to me. How about encouragement...how about compassion. Perhaps, you may see yourself in my ex-wife and took what I said personally. Then again I could be absolutely wrong. My point is that I will not presume anything. I give it over to God. He has been there for me the whole time. You have not. God Bless you stranger.
    Last edited by vduda; 03-13-2008 at 02:43 PM.

  18. #18
    greendog21 is offline New Member
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    [QUOTE=ymccormack;198082]
    Quote Originally Posted by vduda View Post
    Dear Greendog,


    As for my ex-wife, she was one of the reasons I started taking opiates besides for the chronic pain. In most instances, people don't only start taking opiates for physcal pain, but also for emotional or psychological pain. It has a lot to do with resentment.QUOTE]


    Vduda: I think it's pretty weak to blame your addiction on your ex wife - even if only partially. Resentment is no excuse for drug abuse.

    YM
    YM:
    I am so glad that you did catch that!!!!! A person can't blame another person for them starting an addiction of any kind!!! I am not sure if that was a blow at me or any other person or if he was talking about his instance, but I can't think of anything that I have done for my husband to start pain pills because of me, he started them after his injury. I basicly do everything for him, except wipe his ass and bath him, try not to say anthing that would piss him off or make it to where I was the cause of his bad day. I work all day then come home clean, cook, take care of the baby, bath the kids, homework, do errands, need I go on. I am sick of walking on egg shells in my own home!!!!!!
    So if resentment would cause drug abuse then I would think I WOULD BE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  19. #19
    ymccormack is offline Member
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    [QUOTE=greendog21;198090]
    Quote Originally Posted by ymccormack View Post

    YM:
    I am so glad that you did catch that!!!!! A person can't blame another person for them starting an addiction of any kind!!! I am not sure if that was a blow at me or any other person or if he was talking about his instance, but I can't think of anything that I have done for my husband to start pain pills because of me, he started them after his injury. I basicly do everything for him, except wipe his ass and bath him, try not to say anthing that would piss him off or make it to where I was the cause of his bad day. I work all day then come home clean, cook, take care of the baby, bath the kids, homework, do errands, need I go on. I am sick of walking on egg shells in my own home!!!!!!
    So if resentment would cause drug abuse then I would think I WOULD BE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Greendog:

    Like I said...all that hard work you invest in your husband means he can direct that much more of his energy towards finding, funding and using drugs...
    It takes a lot of hard work to be a drug addict --
    maybe if he had to worry about stuff like food and shelter, he'd realize he has a problem.

    You are justifably angry -- time to make a decision before something bad happens and makes the decision for you.

    Good Luck...keep us posted

    YM

  20. #20
    ymccormack is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by vduda View Post
    ymc,

    It's easy to judge. Obviously, you have not followed my story. I have taken complete responsibility for my actions. My point was that many times people take pain medications for more than just the physical pain. I was sharing something personal and it is people like you who instead of sharing your own experiences feel more comfortable pointing the finger in judgment. You were not there...you don't know what happened in my life. Take the plank out of your own eye before you try to take the speck from mine. In my responses I try not to judge and maybe you should do the same.

    By the way I was not blaming anyone for my drug use. If I am so weak why have taken responsibility for my actions and after battling this addiction have been clean for 6 and half months. I have never had you say anything positive to me. How about encouragement...how about compassion. Perhaps, you may see yourself in my ex-wife and took what I said personally. Then again I could be absolutely wrong. My point is that I will not presume anything. I give it over to God. He has been there for me the whole time. You have not. God Bless you stranger.
    Vduda:
    I generally avoid replying to your posts because I think you're an Asshole. Your exwife probably thinks you're an Asshole too - so she and I do have something in common.

    YM
    Last edited by ymccormack; 03-13-2008 at 06:17 PM.

  21. #21
    vduda is offline Member
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    YM,

    My old self would kick your ass, but I have moved on to a higher place. What the hell did I do to you? You try to hurt me with my past. But your words are empty and mean nothing to me. What comes around goes around. Negative people like you are a cancer to forums like this. I have been completely honest about my struggles so I guess it makes me an easy target. Grow up. I mean really, name calling. Get a life. God bless.

  22. #22
    crystal1983 is offline New Member
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    Default I know what your going through, trust me.

    My husband of 7 years, has had a opiate addiction for 6 years. He also, lied and rambled on, and it was like small white lies, became such a big deal to him, i know your frustration. I swear with my husband being on opiates it changed him so much, what seemed to be normal became a roller coaster, a ride I just wanted off of. We also have kids, 3 to be exact. I stood in there he has been in and out of rehab, actually as i am writting this he is in the hospital admitted today for overdosing. Sweetie, all i can tell you is, this most likely wont be his last addiction, its just beginning. They always pick the pills over their family, but its because they aren't sober. They are not thinking with their right mind, they aren't thinking at all. They want that little high that numbs every thing for them, but what they don't realize is it may feel numb for now but one day at sometime, they won't either A be here anymore for them to numb cause the pills can kill them over due time, or B they will loose every one that loved them and those kids aren't stupid, they may look up to him now, but doesn't matter how much you try to hide it they will notice everything that their daddy is doing. My advice to you from my expierence is to really think about this and whats going on. Out weigh the pro's and con's of him and his addiction and you being with him. Its not easy i promise that, but I am getting out, i have stuck their for many years with this addiction and it has completely taken over our marriage his fathering and his life. I am not bringing myself down with him, nor am i going to allow my kids to grow up with this. I have a 8 yr old son who looks up to his dad, and i always keep it positive for him, but i know he isn't stupid and i know i can only hide it so long from him. It turned from addictions to physical abuse towards me, not towards the kids of course. I swear i feel like husband is bi polar, and i know its just the drugs. My husband currently takes, loratab 10's, xanax 1mg, ambien, and lord knows what else that i am not aware of. Sweetie please understand i tried to do what your doing, i tried so hard to be there for him and to try to make the right decisions for the kids, but in the long run, he was only dragging me down with him. And to be openly honest i love him so much, so much that i find myself finding true love with anyone else, because this man that i did fall in love with before this addiction is the man who has my whole heart. As much as i want that man back, reality sinks in, and i am having to remember that i will never get that man back. Just think about your kids and yourself, if he isn't going to listen to you, then he just isn't. That's something you should start copeing with, and think about those babies. They cant think for themselves and they can't make that deicision for you. I would make him choose, and i would say honey, i know your addicted, i know this is something that your suffering from, and say i love you so much and it would kill me for our family to be broken apart, however its not fair to me nor our kids to see their dad like this, and not fair for them to hear us arguing over you being high, and tell him, this is a choice i am giving you right now, you can either A give up your addiction and seek medical help, or B the kids and i have to start doing whats best for us, even if that means your not in the picture 100% like you are now. And make him choose. Just remember whatever he says stick by it. ITs almost like having another kid, you know if you tell them no you cant have that candy bar, and they keep trying to go for it, and you say no no no, then finally your like ok fine, just to get them to stop bugging you, well you cant afford to make that mistake with your husband, when you say something, stick with it. And show him your being strong for the kids, and for yourself.

    good luck to you hun.

  23. #23
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Greendog,

    Welcome! To me it sounds like it is time to give him consequences for his actions. My husband is also an addict and I became very obsessive in my quest to figure out exactly what was going on. I became a lunatic. I also have a son, almost 18 months now and this envrionment was NO GOOD for any of us especially him, he didn't have any say so. Immediately upon the revelation that he was addicted to opiates I told him I will support him if he wants to quit otherwise, get out. Plain and simple. He choose recovery but it has been a rocky road and I did have to throw him out, he is now in a 6 month rehab.

    You sound like you are very educated about addiction but when it comes in our own back door sometimes we don't do what is necessary to keep our lives in order because we become consumed with their addiction, a disease in which we have no control. Our quality of life dwindles down more adn more each time we search for the pills, the money, phone calls, etc. It especially concerns me that he hides them all over the house and you have kids there. That's just not safe. You need to put those little people first. Does he have somewhere he can go?

    I am hell bent on saving my marriage, I truly love my husband, Friday is our 10year anniversary (3 married, 10 total) but I refuse to ever endanger my son and my well being again, I can do bad all by myself. i don't need him by my side making me crazy.

    I did everything from taking his debit card to checking his phone records to home drug testing. Those were the longest 7 months of my life. I lost my house, he stole from me and my family, pawned everything near and dear to us. There was no extent he wouldn't go to to get high and I had no idea until the cops came one Sunday morning stating I needed to come pick up my son and my car that he was being arrested for possession of roxy's. I was floored. DCF had to get involved and everything. I was heartbroken. The bottom line is although I gave him more chances and supported his effort to get clean, he only did it because I told him to, not because he wanted to which just set him up for relapse after relapse. He has to do this for him. I let him stay so long because I thought he was getting better, but he wasn't. Finally, after exhausting all options, all consequences, devoting my life to his addiction, I said no more. I couldn't do it anymore. He was gone for a week, violated his probation, spent a week in jail, and wound up in rehab a week later. The best thing that could have happened to him. He still has 4 months to go, we do talk, I visit adn write him. I hope this time HE wants to do it for himself, he lost his home, his wife and his son, he partied for a week, spent a week in jail, and then off to rehab. I hope this is his rock bottom. I refuse to disrupt me and my sons life if he continues to travel this road.

    Below is a poem I found on another forum, I post it all over this forum because it has helped me so much.....

    If you love me let me fall all by myself. Don't try to spread a net out to catch me. Don't throw a pillow under my ass to cushion the pain so I don't have to feel it. Don’t stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me) ... Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit ... trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can't see it. The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me ... The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours ... the sooner I will arrive ... and on time ... just right where I need to be ... me, alone, all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead ... resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one ... If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for awhile ... I am free to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top. In the beginning as I start to climb out .. I just might slide back down, but don't worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound ... Don't you see ?? Don't you know ?? You can't do this for me ... I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever suppose to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours ... I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you don't know what to do and you act from your heart not from knowledge of what is best for me ... but if you truly love me let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good ... don't clip my wings before I can learn to fly ... Nudge me out of your safety net ... trust the process and pray for me ... that one day I will not only fly, but maybe even soar. ---Passion

  24. #24
    confused983 is offline New Member
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    Greendog,

    I am so sorry for what your going through. I am also in a very similar situation as you are. My boyfriend (of 9 years) is addicted to Oxycontin. I started suspecting things about 2 years ago and did the same things as you did, checking his trucks, toolboxes, drawers, any where I could think of. I would confront him and he would say very similar things as your husband, call me names and how can I not trust him and blah blah blah... It is draining it really is. This went on for 2+ years and just recently (about 2 weeks ago) he finally admitted it to me after I found an Oxycontin hidden in the bathroom. It is heart breaking it really is. But just know that your not alone there are a lot of people going through the same things you are. There are a lot of posts in here that have very good advise (some more than others) bottom line is you have to do whats right for you and your kids. He's an adult, as long as he's in denial there is nothing you can do! I wish you the best and I'm sorry. I know where your coming from.

  25. #25
    dalejrfan71 is offline Member
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    Greendog21

    You have my sympathies to your situation. I have read all the posts here and I have to agree with everyone that says to make him choose. I hope that he does get help but if he doesn't, it could eventually come to a situation where he could either hurt you or your kids. I am as well on opiates for pain meds, but I have told my wife that the first sign of addiction that I would get help.

    I love my wife with all my heart and I would never EVER do anything to hurt her. She knows what I am taking as I show her the bottles as soon as I get home from the pharmacy. I am totally honest with her and I have never lied to her and I would never lie to her.

    ymccormack

    I have to agree with vduda here, you are just a trouble maker and your the asshole here not him. He has been totally honest with his addictions, not to mention that if his daughter wants to live with him and not her mother, something must be wrong with the mother.

    vduda

    I read everything that you wrote about your addictions it shows the power of god that you got clean and your body healed itself. God loves us all even if we f*ck up, god knows I've done my share of f*ck ups in life. I definitely believe in god because he brought me and my wife together. I am sorry that your ex-wife left you in your time of need.
    If you want to live life on your own terms,
    You got to be willing to crash and burn

  26. #26
    jennydon is offline Member
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    Being in the same boat ,all i can add is that you HAVE to give him consequences for his actions,, Theres no other way around it,, You have to tell him you will not live like this and he either gets help or he needs to go,, I know how hard this I did it no to long ago just like Lost did... We cant make the decision for them but they have to get the fact that if they want to live this lifestyle than they have to live it alone and remember its not our choice its theres,,, Good luck you will get so much support from this forum..... take care.

  27. #27
    alokdelta78 is offline New Member
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    Pain is real. I have had it much of my life first from polio and then from two surgeries. However, there are alternatives to painkillers and they must be tried first. Let's not treat the symptoms but the cause.

  28. #28
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Hey Melinda,

    So I can see, hopefully he will shape up or ship out.....
    "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it."

  29. #29
    jandressup is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by greendog21 View Post
    This is my first time ever doing something like this going on and posting but I am truley at the end of what to me seems like a too long of a road our family has been on. My husband has been addicted to opiates starting back 4 yrs now that I think about it. It is so bad now he hides things and is constantly in denial and not telling the truth. I have found out that he now hides the damn pills in different locations. I don't mean to sound harsh but I just don't feel sorry for him anymore and why would someone want to live their life being dependent on a pill???? I want to leave our marriage now over it but their is children and I think about what this would do to them. I have confronted him several times and NO HE IS NOT TAKING ANYTHING AND I AM CRAZY AND TO SHUT UP- I finally gave the either the pills or his family and it didn't seem to phase him, he has came home everynight this week glossy eyed, just staring into space and then sleeping and twitching like you wouldn't believe in his sleep, oh did I forget to add he now has a addiction to ambien as well. How pathetic is that!!! This is not the man I fell in love with and he said that he would never get help and he didn't have a problem and I could just pack my stuff and get out and he would see the kids everyother weekend then if that is what it took. As the night goes on he says things that doesn't even make sence he rambles on. I can't even trust him to watch his own kids, I can never leave him alone with the baby, he can't be trusted. What kind of marriage is that. I feel that we are slipping further and further apart over PILLS. I know he goes dr hopping and I am so close to going to our dr and having him send out the red flag on him because I have heard it can be done and it has, it is where they make a call and they can't get any opiate filled at ANY pharmacy, I just can't believe that the insurance co hasn't picked up on this yet!!! Is there anybody else out there with the same problem and what are they doing??? I truely need help and I don't want my marriage to end!!
    Hello, I have the same exact problem, even with the twitching in his sleep at night. All his monthly money is gone by the 10th of the month, every time I ask him where it goes, he gets furious with me! I almost think he's supporting a girl with the same addiction or buying dope and giving it to girls to prostitute themselves to get high with him. Are opiates that expensive? He's a recovering >>>>>>e addict and I fear he will use H again shortly, can anyone educate and help my please?? I am new at this and am not familiar with H addicts or opiates addition....HELP!

  30. #30
    hay1 is offline New Member
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    Default feel bad for you

    [deleted - swearing]
    Last edited by ddcmod; 01-16-2012 at 02:16 PM.

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