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My husband is an addict......
  1. #211
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Marou

    Are you still out there, just want to see how you are doing.

  2. #212
    Marou is offline Junior Member
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    Default Yes !!!

    Hi Lost !

    thanks for asking....

    Ahmed left last saturday, and I did not post anything since because the building we live in had fire in the first floor appartment... we all had to leave the building because of the smoke and the water... ouach ! it was frighting...

    Last night I came back home.... thank God there is nothing in my appartment, and nobody died in the first floor as well....
    but what a shock !!! ;-)

    I went to live with a friend for a few days, and i did me a lot of good... having my husband away also...

    I know I sound harsh on him, and I am... but the worst thing is the feeling of betrayal ... because he lied to me for so many years... and since a year and a half I though this was over.... I thought he was honest and telling me the truth ! but the last for months he has been lying and went back since when i dont know !!! and on top of it , I did not see it !!! hell i am living with this men since 6 years... and couldnt tell he was back on drugs !!! is it me, or sometimes it is not obvious ?

    He agree to go and see the doctor in november... because he doesnt have any holiday before... most of the time he will be away from the house.... or coming back like tonight only for 2 days, but still working during the day...

    I am afraid of seeing him tonight... I hope he realise that I am serious now... but from what he is telling me when we speak on the phone, I dont think he realised it... I will tell him again, I am leaving the house if he is now going to the doctor in november...

    because now it is very dangerous... he can have another epilepsy crisis and died ! I refuse to go with him in the same car... because yes, he is still driving ! i can kill himself if he want, but not me !!! oh no !

    And I cannot sleep at night... last night I went to be at 12.... and at 4 i was still awake... I am not drinking coffee or caffein after 6, and I do a lot of exercice to evacuate the energy I have so I might sleep but nothing works !!!

    I have tried everything...

    How are you doing lost ?
    things seems better for you ,,, I am so glad because so are such a good person ! thank you for the care, i am crying now... because It feels so good to know that i am not alone in this....
    God bless you....

    Robert, I saw in another post that you told the guy who is taking tramadol like my husband that epilepsy is a big problem with this drug.... when I went to see the doctor he did not seem to know about this !!! he was surprised... It made me feel strange that a drug specialist does not know about this !!! can you tell me more about the epilepsy and tramadol please ?

    thank you

    Marou

  3. #213
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Default Marou

    The problem I spoke about with Ultram is that in high doses it has a tendency to cause seizures. Doesn't have to be with epilepsy, just seizures in general. But with a condition that causes seizures such as epilepsy coupled with high amounts of ultram it is certainly logical that this would be an increased risk. Hope that helps. God bless.

  4. #214
    Marou is offline Junior Member
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    Default thanks

    Robert,

    first thanks for answering....
    but I think I did not express myself correctly ( i am frech canadian and not very good at writing english ! )

    In french, we say the word epilepsy for both seizures AND epilepsy,,,, we dont have a specific word for seizures.... so, I think that my husband had seizures, and when I told this to the doctor he was surprised that tramadol cause seizures !!! so this is the big problem.... should I trust this doctor if he doesnt know something like this ? even I, I found someting about seizures and tramadol on the net ( not very detail but still... ) it seems to me that it's a basic fact !

    What do you think ?

    Marou

  5. #215
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marou View Post
    Robert,

    first thanks for answering....
    but I think I did not express myself correctly ( i am frech canadian and not very good at writing english ! )

    In french, we say the word epilepsy for both seizures AND epilepsy,,,, we dont have a specific word for seizures.... so, I think that my husband had seizures, and when I told this to the doctor he was surprised that tramadol cause seizures !!! so this is the big problem.... should I trust this doctor if he doesnt know something like this ? even I, I found someting about seizures and tramadol on the net ( not very detail but still... ) it seems to me that it's a basic fact !

    What do you think ?


    Marou


    You write in english great. I just didn't understand what you were explaining but now I do. No medication is perfect. I am not bad mouthing ultram. But it's a fact that seizures are a risk at high doses. Anyone almost who has anything to do with tramadol/ultram knows that. Obviously your dr doesn't though. That would concern me, but I am am annoyed easily by drs who prescribe meds that they don't know what the side effects are especially pain medications. Like you said you even found the info with a simple search on the net. So don't you think the dr should know as much as you at least??? Yes it would bother me. You are right in that this is just basic well know information. Good luck and God bless.

  6. #216
    Marou is offline Junior Member
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    Default Thanks Robert

    You are right, the doctor should know, he is SUPPOSED to be a psychiatrist dealing with drug addiction !!! so I will right now search for a qualified one...

    It is just that i am so confused with all the stress dealing with my husband addiction, that sometimes thinking straight is not easy... And apart from here i have nodody else to confided in,,,

    God bless you
    Marou

  7. #217
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marou View Post
    You are right, the doctor should know, he is SUPPOSED to be a psychiatrist dealing with drug addiction !!! so I will right now search for a qualified one...

    It is just that i am so confused with all the stress dealing with my husband addiction, that sometimes thinking straight is not easy... And apart from here i have nodody else to confided in,,,

    God bless you
    Marou


    Marou ... I think that is a smart thing to do. Just as a suggestion, and I am assuming you will do a Google search or the equivelant, look for an addictionologist and not just a psychiatrist. The best bet would be a psychiatrist who is an addictionologist. Don't know where you are located but the choices will be few unless you are in or near a major city. It sounds like the current dr may have these credentials so you can see that credentials don't necessarily mean the dr knows what they are doing. But at least it's a step in the right direction. Let us know if we can help. Good luck in you search. God bless.

  8. #218
    Marou is offline Junior Member
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    Default Ah these doctors !

    Thanks Robert....

    I live in the land of the pharaohs ! I moved here for my dear husband.... and because I studied egyptology.... I though the move will be difficult, because it is a third world country, and so on,,,, but no ! ah life has some surprises for us sometimes... I found out later that my husband was an addict...

    so even if I live in the biggest city in Africa ( Cairo ) it is not easy to find such a doctor... already the first one I went to see ( I am screening them because my husband cannot I think because of the tramadol, I think that sometimes this affect his judment ) wanted to give him tegretol which is for people who are bipolar !!! and he was also a drug specialist !!!!

    I found a center specialsed in this and other mental illness ( sic ! ) but the cost is absolutely horrifing !!! it is 5 000 US $ for 5 days... 1000 $ per day.... like it is only the rich people here that are drugs addicts !!!
    nothing is free here... except the drugs... ( you can buy tramadol at a very cheap price, you can buy antibiotics or xanax without a prescription but the treatment is soooooooo expansive...



    there is a out patient clinic as well and I will go to see the doctor myself first... ouf !

    wish ? me luck !!!

    Marou

  9. #219
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Default Marou

    Actually $5K is a little expensive but comparing the price to the US it's not that out of line. The average cost of in-patient rehab in this country is about $800 per day or thereabouts. So a grand isn't that much more. Yes it is expensive but that is what it costs everywhere just about. Some countries are less expensive.

    Obviously I don't know anything about the availability of drs in Cairo. I wish you the best of luck in you search. Let us know how it goes. Good luck and God bless.

  10. #220
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Angry Relapse

    Well, the saga continues. He got high before he went to court yesterday and they drug tested him in court. What a foolish thing to do. So now he has to check into detox. We have an appt. tonight at 6:30. I am so fed up. He had over 60 days clean. What the hell was he thinking especially to be careless enough to use before he went to court. I am beside myself right now. I cannot continue like this. I can't even cry over it anymore.

    He says he wants to be apart of our lives but it's all words and I told him I don't want to hear it. Maybe this will be his reality check. He had an option of being thrown out of the program and taking the felony charge, going to detox, or a 6 month residential program. I told him he should have taken the 6 months.

    This is it, I now feel like I am enabling him because he hasn't lost anything significant in his eyes for him to take his recovery seriously. At this point I am being selfish because I don't want to be alone. I don't want my son to grow up without a father, but I also don't want my son to grow up in a negative environment. I still have hope that he will one day recover, I just don't know if I can stand by his side anymore. I love him dearly but am so angry with him. How did he think he would get away with this?

    Now we are back to square one, I am so tired of feeling like we are making progress as a family, then he screws up and we all take 50 steps back. I can't sleep, anxiety is high, tension is unbelievable, and I could snap at any minute. Does he realize what he is throwing away? He says he cares but I told him it's all words, his actions say he doesn't care about himself or anyone else.

  11. #221
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Default Lost

    Damn girl. That pi$$es me off and I don't even know him. What the hell was he thinking??? Or not thinking? I mean if you want to get high, at least don't do it right before court. That is so immature and down right STUPID. I am really disappointed, thought he was making more serious headway than this.

    The world doesn't come to an end over this. But I don't think you are over-reacting to question his sincerity about recovery at this point. He has too much clean time to be giving any kind of a BS excuse besides being ignorant and childish. And extemely selfish. And yes it's him that is being selfish not you. When people get married you are entitled to expect your spouse to be there to help raise your children. That isn't being selfish. That is part of the deal when we are married.

    So what did he use before court? Did he take opiates? Surely not opiates before court. Or smoke some pot? What did he do? What does his sponsor have to say about it? I would be jumping off in his butt big time if I was his sponsor. This is so uncalled for.

    Do you know yet how long he will be in detox? That is really a joke as he isn't even going to be detoxing or in w/d. He will just be sitting there and doing their group sessions and stuff. Won't really even be suffering like the others in rehab. I am surprised they gave him that option. I wouldn't have given it to him. I could see the residential program where they have some time to work on recovery. But just a detox isn't going to do anything for him.

    Keep your chin up. Remember that you haven't failed at anything. None of this is your fault. He may say that you have been unreasonable about this or that and really believe it in his mind. Who knows maybe you have? But it wouldn't matter even if he was right. That is totally irrelevant here. Him using before going to court is NO ONE else's fault but his. No matter how he looks at it, he can not place ANY blame on anyone but himself for this choice he made. I am really surprised they let him OFF so easily. He should realize how fortunate he is. I still don't believe this one. Hang in there.

  12. #222
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    Hi Lost
    I'm so sorry,I cant even come up with any words to say,I was so happy for you the other day when i read a post about how good he was doing.
    Keep your chin up,You are in my prayers...
    Melinda

  13. #223
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks Melinda and Robert,

    I would surely go insane if I didn't have the support from all of you on this forum.

    Yup, he snorted a Roxy before court, what a dumb a$$. I am of course assuming he snorted it because that's how he used to do it. Who knows, or f'in cares for that matter, I could sure use a freakin' doobie right now!

    I am sure his sponsor got on his case for this. He called me last night after the meeting, I was tending to my son and missed the call. He left a message but I haven't checked it yet.

    I told him this is his last shot, next stop is divorce court and signing over rights to his son, I know it's extreme but I mean it. If he is going to continue doing this, I am not going to stay with him nor will I trust him with unsupervised visitation. This is it for him as far as I am concerned. My family is tired of watching me hurt because of him. They know he is a good person deep down, that's why they support him and stand behind my decisions.

    I know it's not the end of the world but I feel like it's damn close. My aunt just sent me an email that sums up how I am feeling, it's sarcastic of course, that's how most of us are in my family, here it is....

    Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

    We apologize for the inconvenience.

  14. #224
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Default Lost

    The email is too funny. NOT. It's really kind of sad. Wish I had some enlightening words of wisdom for you but just don't know any for this. I can't believe he would do goofy Roxies before court. That doesn't even make sense. Even if he had burned a joint .. I wouldn't approve before court but at least I could understand and say it settled him down. But roxies get you messed up. I can't imagine wanting to be high on roxies for court. He is confused if he thinks that is fun. Maybe I am getting old or something. I just don't see the fun in going to court over drug charges high on roxies. And for what it's worth roxies were my drug of choice so I know all about roxies. You know the funny thing is that a doobie would probably make you feel better right now and wouldn't even hurt you where he might do anything after smoking one. Who knows, never thought he would do this. He has to know that if they drug test him again and he busts it a second time he would probably go to jail. Does he understand that??? And then to have to face the liklihood of losing his family on top of it. I sure hope he doesn't do something so stupid again.

  15. #225
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Yeah, I am a marijuana supporter, always have been and gave up the occassional doobie once he got busted with this ********************. Not worth risking losing my son over it. I had to refuse a drug test with DCF and it made me feel like ********************.

    I think his goal is to push me away, that's how I feel anyways. I almost think he wants me to throw him on his ass so he doens't have to feel bad when he screws up because it's only affecting him directly. I told him this too. He said he would leave and still give me his check and I said no, I will pay my bills. He said is this what you want. I said I didn't kick you out, you offered and I am not begging you to stay. I also told him that no matter what decisions he makes, I will always be ok, I will survive (jeez, now I have that silly song in my head). I am trying to be less controlling and more blunt. I want him to see that this doesn't change my plans in life and that he is free to screw up all he wants but I am free to choose not to stand by and watch him ruin his life and allow him to bring me down with him.

    I just want to wake up from this nightmare, I cannot believe this is my life. I should have taken a personal day to spend with my son. Oh well, it's Friday and hopefully they will take him tonight and I can spend the weekend with my son and not have to see his face or hear his excuses, just the break I need. So sad that I feel this way. I used to look forward to the weekends so I could spend time with him.

  16. #226
    Marou is offline Junior Member
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    Default OH my GOD !!!

    I did not check this site for a few days, and here I found this...

    OH MY GOD ! Lost I am so sorry for you... specially after 2 months of staying clear ... You must be very desapointed and sad... and you have every rights to be. I understand you my dear... once my husband had a relapse after one year of being sober and clean... It almost destroy my life ...

    There is no excuse for what he did and i am not trying to find one for him, but there might be a reason for what he did... Why did he did that on this special night just before the court ? HE MUST have know he would be caught ! maybe without knowing it, he did that to be caught, maybe he wanted this for a reason i dont know.... maybe he wanted help, maybe this will be good for him to go somewhere where he can be help around the clock... Or maybe this mean he cannot stand the stress( going to court is stressful ) ... And so this is a proof that he needs more help.... I am sorry if I look to defend him, but this is not the case.... I just try to understand, because I cannot believe he his so stupid to have done that only for fun...

    Not just the night before the court !

    My dear, whatever the reasons he did that you are right by defending yourself and to protect your son... you must take care of yourself...

    Unfortunatly, there is not a lot we can do to help them....

    If you want, you can write to me as much as you can... from now on, I will check this website a few times a day...

    I will pray for you, try to be strong...

    Marou

  17. #227
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks Marou!

    I am beside myself right now with the entire situation. He didn't do this the night before court, he did it an hour before court so I am sure he was flying when he got there and had an instant buzz kill when they tested him. Now I am at work full of anxiety about taking him to the detox tonight. They weren't sure yesterday if they'd have a bed for him but said to bring his clothes and meds just in case. I hope they take him tonight, I need the break. I will be thinking of him while he is gone of course. Detox is silly because he isn't going through withdraws. Maybe it will remind him of how bad he was when he sees the others who are dope sick and going through withdraws. I'll tell you what I will never ever watch him go through that again.

    I wouldn't trade my son for the world he is everything to me, but it would be much easier for me to just toss him out and let him suffer if we didn't have our son who needs us both. I am just confused. He is still playing the pity party game and has been for months now. I am so over it. I also wonder if he didn't get tested yesterday how the whole manipulation would play out when I would have clearly seen that he used what manipulation tactic he would have used to defend himself. He is so selfish and deceitful. I just want my healthy husband back. I miss him so. The worst part is even though he is here, I still feel like I am alone.

  18. #228
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Marou,

    BTW how are you doing?

  19. #229
    ohwhat2do is offline New Member
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    Smile It takes one to know one...try this....

    Quote Originally Posted by Lost83 View Post
    I am not sure if you had the time to read this entire thread but I have stuck by his side and I do see him as an amazing person and I know his odds are better if I stick by him, but there has to come a point where I draw the line, whether or not it is his first offense. It may be that this is the first time he got caught but he has been at this for well over a year. I do not condemn him rather use this site to express my anger and frustration to do my best not to take it out on him. I am doing my best to learn about and understand this disease and where he is coming from. I do not want to live my life without him, nor do i want my son to grow up without a father, he is an amazing father.

    As for breaking up the family, I have no intentions on doing so, and if it came down to it, it certainly wouldn't be my fault. I didn't condone or enable his addiction at any point. I may have been a little naive but still it isn't my fault. I am very sorry for your situation and I consider my husband lucky to have someone like me and our family who is willing to support him as long as he wants to help himself. That's the key, as long as I see him working the steps and trying, I will always be there to support him, but when and if he choses to give up, there isn't anything I can do or say to bring him back. It's sad and i don't want it to happen, but it's possible.

    I disagree with the statement that the opiates are running him and he isn't doing this by choice. I do believe he has a choice, a choice to live a drug free life, a choice to live. The physical addiction / withdrawls are gone, this is all mental now. He has to WANT this in order to succeed. If he truly wants this, he will not let his impulses take over. Everyone has choices in life and he chose to start using, maybe not to become an addict but it got to that point and now he has to face his demons, realize he isn't alone, and work through this each and everyday for the rest of his life. Some will be harder than others but as long as HE wants this, he can do it. My husband is a very strong willed person and if he falls upon weakness and slips up, ok, but he has to be willing to accept the help at his disposal and not think he can do this alone. All things I am sure you already know.

    Thank you for your concern for my husband and family. I promise not to leave him when he needs me most, he just has to want it and I really hope he does. He has come a long way in the past 2 months. He still has a long long way to go, but his entire lifestyle has changed. He has slipped up and we deal with it when it comes. I know in my heart he is worth saving.


    wow...reading all this...you have clearly never been an addict. There that was the worst part of the email)

    This is the thing...and i can tell you this because i just heard it from the mouth of my doctor and for once feel as though somone in REAL life(not on this website) actually understands.

    This is what he explained to me...

    "when you start taking opiates...you have ten million, ten,(for the purpose of the story) in a small area in your break and they must always be open. This is where you feel....where you get runners high. ALl these different emotions fit on to each of these receptors. When you get high on pain pills the opiates sstay on these receptors for hours...even a whole DAY and therefore your body doesnt like this...and needs an dcreates MORE. YOu must always have ten at any one time...so it creates more, ten more. So now...it takes twice as much as you took the last time to get the same effect. So on and so forth...for me it was 6 months of this...daily.

    So...when you want to quit...the opiates slowly fall off....of you're 600 MILLION extra receptors(in the case of a long time user, a year) but even for me...of 6 months...i had MANY extra receptors....so when you're high on an opiate you're leg could be amputated and what the pain pill does is it sits on those receptors and puts out the message to your brain that you're okay....you are "GREAT"! and you dont think about the leg anymore. So...as you continuously add these receptors you always have ten uncovered. Well when you decide to quit the opiates slowly fall off ALL of these receptors so now instead of like a normal person with ten million...you have TENS of MILLIONS of opportunities for your body to be IN OVERLOAD you feel everything, depression, ANXIETY, sickness, cold sweeats...nervousness...and that... that point, that is the addict in you. It is a scary feeling...you would do just about anything to avoid that feeling like you're going to..."die". It is common...everyone on here has probably felt it.

    My doctor is an amazing man and he looked me in the face and said..honey...it is not you're fault that you cant materialize what you want. In other words that i can not follow through with my strong will to quit...he said the fact that you're HERE...for help, speaks volumes. This was a doctor that i found off suboxone.com. Read my posts from earlier...i was right htere. Scared. Knowing i was so close to someon finding my secret life and the thing is...you want to be better you are PHYSICALLY BOUND to this drug to be NORMAL. It is not even for a high. So...the next mmost amazing thing for addicts to find their HUMAN qualities and personalities is suboxone. UNlike methadone it doesnt allow you to get "high" what it does it strikes those same receptors and knocks off the opiates and blcoks them. It also keeps you from feeling the withdrawl effects...and believe me. I thought i was going to die...literally. His explanation makes perfect sense...your body is tha tmuch more sensitive(by our own doing but none the less harder to overcome) because it has 600 millioin extra alarms going off then a normal person who is in alarm mode.

    SO...if you want your husband to get better maybe try to get him on a program that satisfies both sides. The mental aspect of getting well and the physical side. I can be the first to say....without one, the other is not possible.

    I wish you much luck. Please just visit suboxone.com...do some reading. it is worth it.

  20. #230
    Cats Meow is offline Banned
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    I think Lost, is he had already used days prior, he knew he would test dirty, and figured he may as well go to jail high then sober (make it worth it). Going to jail is probably the easy way out, the counties are usually filled to capacity, the dopers are the first ones to get booted out to make room for serious felons, then he's free to start all over again (until he gets busted).
    It's sad, many drug users will choose dope over family, I guess they get more love from it. I've followed your story from the beginning, he really seems like the type who won't stop until he hits rock bottom and gets an epiphany, you're along time away from that.

    No one needs to tell you what to do, because you already know, and couldn't be doing anything better then you already are.
    I think it's a little more then addiction, what he's doing is self-destruction, maybe you can explore that angle.
    Logic and emotion's can't explain his actions, if I were a shrink, I would want to psycho analyze him, check his DNA, blood, diet, do an IQ test, put camera's in every room and observe him 24/365, comb through his feces and see what he eats, everything to try and figure this idiot out.

  21. #231
    thatgirl1971 is offline Member
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    Lost,

    I am so sorry you're going through this. We addicts are master manipulators. We will say and do anything to keep what we have AND continue to use. I have learned to ignore what people SAY but just WATCH what they DO. I am so grateful my husband stuck by me through my using, but he did leave me twice. Hell, I would have left me too. Sometimes the only way to solve the problem is to remove the problem and live in the solution. Right now, I believe your husband is too sick to make the choice between the drugs and his family. The addiction is more powerful than you can imagine. People who are not addicts will never understand this. My little sister recently had a baby, and she said she doesn't know how a mother like me could use drugs and still be a mother. I wish I had a good explanation for her, but I don't.

    I have 60 days clean today. My daughter, who is in rehab said I had it easy since I don't have anyone to answer to if I use. I have never been arrested; I don't have to get drug tested, and I don't have people watching me 24/7 like she does. I thought she had it easier because getting drug tested three times a week would give me some incentive to stop. My only consequence is DEATH. I saw what was happening in my life. The last time my husband called the cops on me, and I got away with it again by manipulating the sargeant....it was the look on my husband's face. The officer told my husband he was full of ********************, that I did not take nine Percocet because the paramedics checked me out right in the living room. I told the officer that my husband was an addict too, and he wouldn't give me my prescription back. He yelled at my husband and told him to give me my meds. I actually did take nine Percocets and because my tolerance is so high, the paramedics said my pupils, blood ox, and blood pressure were perfect.

    I felt like God tapped me on the shoulder after watching my husband throw his hands in the air and said he gave up on trying to help me. It was like God said, "Hey Joanie, put your addiction on notice that its days are numbered..either you clean up or you DIE." I wasn't heading for an arrest; I wasn't heading for drug court, I was not going to pass Go, and I was not going to collect 200 dollars....I was going to go to sleep and not wake up.

    I know I have told you this before, Lost, but you would do yourself a HUGE favor and hit some Alanon or Naranon meetings. You need to understand you are completely powerless over this addiction and your life has become unmanageable. I know you said you don't pray, but only a power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity.

    YOU DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER ANYMORE. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. If you have to kick him out to save yourself and your son for the time being, then so be it. It would do you a world of good to get a sponsor.

    These are all just suggestions...I don't want you to think I'm offering unsolitated advice.

    They did a study a while back on addictions and/or alcoholism. Out of all the treatment centers....and I'm even talking about the expensive ones for the Hollywood stars, they found that AA/NA has the best success rate out of all of them. I believe it....because there is fellowship and the sense that you are not ALONE.

    Keep us updated. You are in my prayers!

    Joanie

  22. #232
    thatgirl1971 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robert_325 View Post
    You write in english great. I just didn't understand what you were explaining but now I do. No medication is perfect. I am not bad mouthing ultram. But it's a fact that seizures are a risk at high doses. Anyone almost who has anything to do with tramadol/ultram knows that. Obviously your dr doesn't though. That would concern me, but I am am annoyed easily by drs who prescribe meds that they don't know what the side effects are especially pain medications. Like you said you even found the info with a simple search on the net. So don't you think the dr should know as much as you at least??? Yes it would bother me. You are right in that this is just basic well know information. Good luck and God bless.
    Robert, I'm so glad somebody is on the same page with me regarding Ultram/Tramadol. The biggest problem is the doctors who are not telling the patients that Tramadol taken in high doses ALONG with an SSRI is asking for a seizure. I watched both my sister and my uncle take high doses of Tramadol while on Cymbalta, and they kept seizing. What is WRONG with these doctors?

  23. #233
    Marou is offline Junior Member
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    Default Dear Lost

    you said you are beside yourself at the moment, and this is normal...

    when he is gone ( for how long BTW will he be gone ? ) you will feel much better... at least you wont see him, so a little of the anxiety you feel now will go away and maybe you will be able to think at peace...

    You asked me how I was doing... This is what I am feeling now... he is gone for work and I am SOOOOO good alone ! I was so mad at him for the last month, the anger was literally eating me... since he's gone, I am able to relaxe and think...

    I spoke with the husband of my best friend in Canada, who is a doctor... We had a long conversation about addiction ( he knows about the addiction of my husband and he spoke with a specialist in canada for me )... He told me that relapse are more than 95 % common ... and It can take many months and years before they are able to have a normal life ( clean I mean ) without wanting a fix... for some it will work the first time, but for the majority it will be a long road... and he told me that the most important thing is TO FIX the problem in his head ... as to WHY he needs this... If he knows the reasons why he needs this drug( like unable to deal with stressful situations ) when he is sober, he can learn how to use other skills ( like meditation, sports etc... ) to controlled himself... IF HE WANTS to stay clean...

    This friend told me that I am NOT the good person to help him the most, that he NEEDS to go and see a doctor, a psy to speak to... maybe your husband can do the same, maybe he cannot confide in you... not because he doesnt love you, but because sometimes to speak with a stranger is easier...

    We love them too much to help them the right way I think now...
    It is not in our hand anymore. This problem needs medical help... professional help. This is my conclusion...

    Like ThatGirl said, it is too easy for them to manipulates us... Maybe they can manipulate the doctors as well but these doctors are use to this, they learned not to react to this manipulation and to prevent it...

    I still dont know what I will do... for sure, I am tired of this life... It's been now almost 6 years... He had 3 relapses... It will depend on how he is acting ( and not talking ) when he will be back for his days off in november... will he go to the doctor and to detox ? if he goes, then I will stay. If not, I will move back to Canada because this problem is destroying my health.... mentally and physically... I started again to feel the depression coming back... maybe not the depression big time, but I have some of the symptomes I had last year... insomnia, do not what to eat, do not want to go out with my friend.... I dont want to go down again...

    And as I said to Robert, here the detox center is very expansive... It is like 1000 $ a day... but we do not have US dollars... my salary is in egyptian pound... so its mean that one day cost the equivalent of 2 month of work for me !!! thanks God that he is earning more... but still... it is like you have to pay 5000 $ US in a day in the states... so you understand my concern about him being serious about this !!! it is a LOT of money for us... so, if he goes there he must be really serious !

    We have to do the best for us now Lost because they cannot do anything for us now... we have to take care of ourself...

    good luck, and let me know how it went last night when he went...

    thinking of you
    Marou

  24. #234
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Default Joanie

    Hi Joanie ... I just wanted to comment on one thing you said in your post to Lost. I agree with a lot of what you said, and please understand that I also attend NA meetings. I don't go daily as I did for a long time but I still do go. You have seen that I recommend to people all the time to start attending 12 step recovery meetings. So I am not anti-recovery or anything like that.

    Here are the actual numbers regarding success ratios for dealing with addictions. Only one out of ten addicts ever make it to a 12 step meeting. Only 10% ever even walk through the door the first time at a meeting. That is a very sad statistic but accurate. Out of that 10% less than 5% are successful with recovery after five years. That is not the success ratio that NA/AA would like people to hear about but that is accurate I promise you. I know these numbers are correct. The real old-timers at NA/AA should know these numbers as well.

    The most successful recovery programs are those which are faith-based. It's a fact that when addicts work through recovery successfully in a faith based program the success ratios are over ten times that of NA/AA. I promise those numbers are correct and accurate. When an addict turns his/her life over to Jesus Christ this is the most successful type of recovery program with better than a 60% success ratio. These are the most successful types of recovery programs.

    We are definitely on the same page as you said about tramadol. Especially when it's mixed with SSRIs. In answer to your question I don't know why the drs continue to do this. It would certainily seem that they would know better. Have a great day. God bless.
    Last edited by Robert_325; 10-18-2008 at 08:12 AM.

  25. #235
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
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    Default But wait, there's more....

    My Dad has been taking the money we give him for rent and saving what he could for us. We've paid him 3 months rent and he had already put back $800.We had no idea he was doing this, well, it's gone. My husband has been taking it for weeks now and it's gone. He's been using for a couple weeks. I just don't know what to do anymore. i can't continue like this.

    I am so upset, I just want to crawl in a hole and cry. The only thing keeping me sane right now is my son. I know I have to be strong for him. It's so hard. I look at him and see my husband, he is a spitting image of him and is the 4th so he has his name.

    I need to talk to his lawyer and see what I can do about getting him into a court ordered inpatient rehab. I have no money, and without his income, I won't be able to pay my bills, does anyone know if when it's a court ordered program how they bill you?

  26. #236
    Cats Meow is offline Banned
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    That sucks, this fool doesn't deserve anymore chances, he deserves to be locked away for a long time. You know, not everybody will change.
    I feel bad for you, you've done everything you can, so sorry.

  27. #237
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lost83 View Post
    My Dad has been taking the money we give him for rent and saving what he could for us. We've paid him 3 months rent and he had already put back $800.We had no idea he was doing this, well, it's gone. My husband has been taking it for weeks now and it's gone. He's been using for a couple weeks. I just don't know what to do anymore. i can't continue like this.

    I am so upset, I just want to crawl in a hole and cry. The only thing keeping me sane right now is my son. I know I have to be strong for him. It's so hard. I look at him and see my husband, he is a spitting image of him and is the 4th so he has his name.

    I need to talk to his lawyer and see what I can do about getting him into a court ordered inpatient rehab. I have no money, and without his income, I won't be able to pay my bills, does anyone know if when it's a court ordered program how they bill you?





    Long about now I think that I would start getting very pi$$ed. He just keeps getting chance after chance after chance. You and everyone else around him are walking on egg shells trying not to upset him and give him every opportunity to do well. He just continues to spit in everyone's face. We all have our limits and I imagine that you are getting close to yours. If he were my brother or a close friend I would be tempted to slap him upside of the head myself. I'm sorry that this saga just continues on and on for you. It's like some kind of a bad movie or something. Very sad. Wish I had some advice that was guaranteed to work. I am starting to get pretty short on answers at this point. I know that I would be getting very angry myself too along about now. I don't think that you should allow him to tear you up too much more. If you were my daughter or sister I think that I would be suggesting that you kick him to the curb and force him to grow up, sink, or swim. He needs to smell the damn coffee and wake up before he loses everything in his life worth having. And I am not sure that it's within your power to get him on the right path after all that has happened. I always try to give the benefit of the doubt. But there is a limit. He has pushed the envelope as far as I would let it go.

    I always stand corrected but I don't think that a spouse can team up with the personal attorney to get the court to order inpatient rehab. I know that this would be under state jurisdiction and even though I have lived in Florida twice I just don't know that part of Florida law. It would seem like it would be something that you would have to file against your husband and have your own attorney for that. Your attorney DEFINITELY would have a conflict of interest going after his own previous client even though it would be helping your husband. Legally doing this wouldn't fly I am almost positive IF you use you and your husband's current attorney. You are talking about having him committed or something to that effect. That would have to be a totally seperate deal from all this other garbage.

    If the court ordered an inpatient rehab there can be a charge or not depending on how the sentence is administered. It just depends on whether or not the judge would order him to pay. If he was ordered to pay he would obviously be provided with adequate time to pay the fine or charges. Most people who receive sentences for something like this are not in a financial position to pay the tab at the time of sentencing. That seems pretty logical at least to me.

    I will keep you guys in my prayers even though I realize you are not overly religious. Anything that could possibly help would be good for sure along about now. Will check on you later today. Keep your chin up. Things almost always work out even when there are lots of distractions along the way. At times like this it can seem like all we are having are distractions though. It can be very frustrating. Good luck and God bless.
    Last edited by Robert_325; 10-19-2008 at 02:13 PM.

  28. #238
    Marou is offline Junior Member
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    Default Dear Lost

    You are facing something very difficult right now, and you must think about yourself... can you find a meeting where you can go and discuss this problem with other people ? you need to find support, I know your family is there for you but I mean professional you can help you deal with your feelings and anger... Dont let him and HIS problem destroy you. You must make a distance between you and him... for your sake.

    I know you love him like I love my husband. But there is something bigger than love here and this is the addiction... you understand this but right now he cannot make the difference. I have no doubts that he loves you as well and for sure he love is son... but he is sick... this is a real desease... At the moment, this desease as a lot of power on him... but one day he might be stronger than the addiction. Believe me this is a long road...

    This is a good thing that he has to go to the detox center... He is not gone yet ? I think Robert can help you with this, I am sure he knows a lot about this....
    He MUST go to the detox center now... He had a relapse and I dont think he will do well in a day only center... I know that this is a very difficult decision to make, because it cost a lot, I have exactly the same problem. And you dont know if it will work. But for now, I dont think you have a choice, he must go because of the court order...

    Let him go, and as I told you before, when he's gone you will start to feel better and you will be able to see what is your real feelings about him and your marriage. I dont think this is the good time for you to take big decisions... Just take car of yourself and of your son... you MUST protect both of you.... take the decision after you are calmer...
    And right now you'll be better as far as possible from your husband.

    I wish we live in the same continent... I have a international phone line where I can call in Canada and the USA for free... If you need to talk, just send me a mail and I will give you my infos...

    marou4@yahoo.com

    If you dont want, there is no problem at all... Feel free to do whatever you want.

    I will go next week to see a psychologist... I need to talk with someone... you should do the same, I am sure there is a place where you can go for free...

    I really have you in my heart because I am going throught the same thing and I know that sometimes people around us cannot understand our situation... Sometime I dont understand it myself !

    take care
    Marou

  29. #239
    Marou is offline Junior Member
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    Default Robert and lost

    I just read your post Robert, and for sure you know that IF your are NOT ready, nothing will make you change... I dont think Lost husband is ready to change... thats why he went back... or maybe he really needs to go in a center for a long time because he cannot face to be in this without professional help ... I know this because my husband told me that before ( during the 6 years we have been together ) he always stopped taking drugs for ME... and not for him... he did it because he was forced to. Now he tells me that he will go for himself... that the seizures open his eyes ! it is about time, he almost died !!!
    we will see if this is true or not.
    What was the turning point in your life to make you want to stop ?

    Oh my God, if only they realised how much they make their family and friends suffer and worries... but they cannot realised this, they are in another world...

    God bless you Robert, because you are a light for all of us who hopes the better for our husbands....
    You are a living proof that somebody can stop.

    Marou

  30. #240
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marou View Post
    I just read your post Robert, and for sure you know that IF your are NOT ready, nothing will make you change... I dont think Lost husband is ready to change... thats why he went back... or maybe he really needs to go in a center for a long time because he cannot face to be in this without professional help ... I know this because my husband told me that before ( during the 6 years we have been together ) he always stopped taking drugs for ME... and not for him... he did it because he was forced to. Now he tells me that he will go for himself... that the seizures open his eyes ! it is about time, he almost died !!!
    we will see if this is true or not.
    What was the turning point in your life to make you want to stop ?

    Oh my God, if only they realised how much they make their family and friends suffer and worries... but they cannot realised this, they are in another world...

    God bless you Robert, because you are a light for all of us who hopes the better for our husbands....
    You are a living proof that somebody can stop.

    Marou



    You are 100% exactly correct. If we are not ready to change we won't do it no matter what anyone does to try and help us. That is a fact. But where do we draw the line and say that is enough, that we have to let this person fall on their face so that they will get their noses bloodied and wake up? We can't just keep bailing them out after screw ups just like we have to let our kids learn the hard way too sometimes.

    Addicts have to clean up for themselves or it just doesn't work just like you said. It never worked for me until I did it for me. Doing it for my mom the first time was noble I suppose, but it didn't work. When I did it because I wanted Robert to live ... only then was I successful.

    You talk about the hurt that addicts unknowingly cause their families. I remember my mom sitting on her patio and crying her eyes out. That was almost all she did for several years. She never knew if this would be the day I would die. She always wondered what she had done to fail me. But even that wasn't enough to convince me to do right. Addiction is an awful disease. It takes no prisoners. But the question still comes up as to how much abuse and neglect a spouse is expected to take. I think it's only fair that everyone is entitled to have their limits.

    I appreciate the kind words you express. But it was God who saved me and blessed me with the courage to change. Alone I was just a scumbag. But I had to take some action too. I had to sincerely ask for the help and mean it. That is what it's going to take for Lost's husband and others in the same place. We can hope that the person we love is the exception and that our love will be sufficient motivation for that person to change. Sometimes it will be and sometimes it won't. I think this guy needs some professional help too at this juncture. I don't think anymore that it's anything that Lost can do by herself. That is sad as she has tried as much as can be reasonably expected of anyone.

    Marou I certainly pray your husband is successful this time. If he is truly doing it for himself that is the first honest step. He has a chance if he is being sincere. I wish you both the best of luck with this. Miracles do still happen every day and when an addict gets clean and stays clean it is a miracle. God bless.
    Last edited by Robert_325; 10-19-2008 at 03:07 PM.

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