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My boyfriend is addicted to pain pills
  1. #1
    Natlee629 is offline New Member
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    Post My boyfriend is addicted to pain pills

    My boyfriend has been addicting to mainly pain pills for the past 5 years, I met him about a year and half ago, I was able to get him clean, he got a job and seemed to be doing pretty well... Until recently, he started using again, I don't think it helped with him having kidney stones and severe knee issues, which he was getting prescriptions for, I tried to monitor how much he was taking, but I could only do so much, I also have a sever back issue so I have pain pills all the time, he started taking a few here and there and then he would just take the whole bottlle and tell me" well you must of lost it", I now hide them very well. He recently went into a detox facitliy on his own YAY. I am trying to find some things I can do to help him stay in a positive enviroment when he gets home, through out our relationship he has lied about anything and everything which always upsets me a great deal and I tend to "blow up" which I know is not good for either of us and I know it doesnt make the situation and better, I am working on that. What are some things I can do to help him through this process better? I can not relate to him, as I've never had to deal with addiction, so some things are hard for em to understand. I was thinking if maybe I should get his number changed, so the bad influences can't reach him that way? But I dont want him to feel like I am controlling what he does, Im just trying to help him the best way I know how, but I do need a little bit of help from people that have expericened this as well.

  2. #2
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    Default Hang in there

    What kind of pain pills was he abusing? Just wondering. Oxycodone, hydrocodone, Tramadol (yes those can be abused as well believe it or not). If he has made the attempt to get clean and u are helping him, put all past doings that he did behind and forgive him, but as long as he is detoxing or making an effort. Yes, cut him off from those connections. Hiding your pills is smart, hide them good, lock them up, b/c addicts are VERY smart finders when it comes to getting drugs and of course he would lie about u taking them or losing them. Count your pills. There are taper drugs he can go on if he is still hooked. Suboxone is one alternative depending on the severity of his addiction. I am one of the few against Suboxone tapering b/c Suboxone can easily be abused, so he would have to be monitored under close supervision as dosages need to be spread out, and I am nt an expert on this particular drug. A guy named Robert 325 can help you with that if u decide to take that route. I have read many of his posts with ppl taking Suboxone and he has helped them tremendously taper off and get their lives back in order, but he will only help those that want to help themselves. I don't know him very well, but I read alot of his posts, and he takes drug addiction very seriously and will do anything to help someone if he/she is willing to listen to what he has to say, so u may want to contact him with a post or read over some of his life-saving advice. He is a man of God, that much I do know and he cares.

    Other alternatives is of course a detox center, a good doctor that will work with him to help him taper, some benzo. meds (long acting ones) like Valium and Klonopin do ease withdrawal, again he needs to be monitored on such drugs b/c these come with their own abuse potential. I hope he is making an effort, and if u know his connections, tell them to f.. off or tell him to get rid of them or u will leave. Drug addiction is an awful thing. I am not sure what the situation is here. Is he still hooked or hooked and trying to get clean or stopped and going through w/ds? All of this is important. I am not a doctor, but my best advice if u love him and want to stay with him is that he is going to have to prove to u he wants to get clean no matter what it takes. Hang in there and God Bless!

  3. #3
    ComingHome is offline Senior Member
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    Default

    Hi there. I'm sorry that you are suffering from your bf's addiction. Addiction is a family problem, but that extends to bf's/gf's also since obviously, you are very effected by this. I am an addict with almost 6 years of recovery, and I am also the step father of an addict, so I know addiction from both sides.

    A couple things that are important from my experience:
    1) Your bf has to want to get clean (and stay clean) and has to put in the effort to get clean and stay clean. If you do all the work for him, his chances of staying clean and sober are almost zero. More likely, he will pretend like he's getting clean, or he may even >>>> being clean while using secretively - he will just get more sneaky and crafty about it. It sounds like you want to do all the actions to help him get clean, but I can tell you from experience with dozens of addicts, that never works.

    2) Addiction is progressive. Addiction gets worse and harder to quit over time. Stopping at one point means nothing - his addiction will still progress. Even if an addict stops using for a couple years, once they go back it is like they never stopped - they either pick up where the left off, slowly go back to where they left off, or even go past where they left off. It's always a little different, but the commonality is they always end up at least as bad as where they left off.

    The fact that he went to detox is a very good sign, but it must be followed up with other effort and action -- otherwise it really won't help in the long run. Let him do that and try to keep letting him do the actions to get and stay clean. Let him do the homework... etc. Meetings are highly suggested for both you and your bf. For him, there is AA/NA/PA/...etc and for you there is Alanon/Narconon....etc. It is equally important for you to attend meetings as him as you will learn how to best support him without enabling him, and you will learn about addiction and exactly what you can do to not feed into the addiction. People that have never had an addiction don't understand, like you said, and they often do many things that feed into addiction without realizing it. Meetings will help you to not feed into the addiction.

    Hope that helps. :-)

    CH
    Last edited by ComingHome; 09-05-2011 at 02:30 PM.
    primetimegrape likes this.
    There is ALWAYS hope

    Clean from painkillers and all mind altering substances since 4/25/2013

  4. #4
    Natlee629 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ComingHome View Post
    Hi there. I'm sorry that you are suffering from your bf's addiction. Addiction is a family problem, but that extends to bf's/gf's also since obviously, you are very effected by this. I am an addict with almost 6 years of recovery, and I am also the step father of an addict, so I know addiction from both sides.

    A couple things that are important from my experience:
    1) Your bf has to want to get clean (and stay clean) and has to put in the effort to get clean and stay clean. If you do all the work for him, his chances of staying clean and sober are almost zero. More likely, he will pretend like he's getting clean, or he may even >>>> being clean while using secretively - he will just get more sneaky and crafty about it. It sounds like you want to do all the actions to help him get clean, but I can tell you from experience with dozens of addicts, that never works.

    2) Addiction is progressive. Addiction gets worse and harder to quit over time. Stopping at one point means nothing - his addiction will still progress. Even if an addict stops using for a couple years, once they go back it is like they never stopped - they either pick up where the left off, slowly go back to where they left off, or even go past where they left off. It's always a little different, but the commonality is they always end up at least as bad as where they left off.

    The fact that he went to detox is a very good sign, but it must be followed up with other effort and action -- otherwise it really won't help in the long run. Let him do that and try to keep letting him do the actions to get and stay clean. Let him do the homework... etc. Meetings are highly suggested for both you and your bf. For him, there is AA/NA/PA/...etc and for you there is Alanon/Narconon....etc. It is equally important for you to attend meetings as him as you will learn how to best support him without enabling him, and you will learn about addiction and exactly what you can do to not feed into the addiction. People that have never had an addiction don't understand, like you said, and they often do many things that feed into addiction without realizing it. Meetings will help you to not feed into the addiction.

    Hope that helps. :-)

    CH
    Ok not sure how to use this site, so hopefully I am replying right...
    He will do whatever he can gets his hands on, it has gotten ALOT worse since I started to hide my pills, so he will go on the streets now, he still has a lot of connections through his brother and just people hes known his entire life.

    I do beleive he wants to get clean! I was actually SHOCKED when he agreed to go to a detox facility. Unfortunalty his family isnt the best when it comes to being responsible, taking care of business or just giving the support/ love that is needed. I know his mom is very nuturing, but when it comes to good parenting, she is at the bottom, and I know that SOUNDS HORRIBLE, but Ill put it this way for you... All three of her kids have/had an addiction to some drug and all have been in jail atleast once. Although it def. falls on his shoulders as well, I dont beleive he had a proper up bringing to show him the skills he needs to be a man, be responsible, and whats right and wrong.

    When it comes to helping himself, he is clueless, I know he wants to get clean but I really dont think he knows what to do to get there. It puts me in a really tought situation, sometimes I feel like im teaching him life skills he should already know. So I completely understand letting him find the help he needs, but it is hard for me to not find it for him. I know that if I just elt him do it on his own it would def show that he is committed to getting clean but I guess I am also afraid he wont know where to look, and fall right back where he was. I appreciate both of you for sharing with me. and I hope and pray that he will be able to mkae progress and truly see how amazing he is!

  5. #5
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    Default get rid of those connections

    Quote Originally Posted by Natlee629 View Post
    Ok not sure how to use this site, so hopefully I am replying right...
    He will do whatever he can gets his hands on, it has gotten ALOT worse since I started to hide my pills, so he will go on the streets now, he still has a lot of connections through his brother and just people hes known his entire life.

    I do beleive he wants to get clean! I was actually SHOCKED when he agreed to go to a detox facility. Unfortunalty his family isnt the best when it comes to being responsible, taking care of business or just giving the support/ love that is needed. I know his mom is very nuturing, but when it comes to good parenting, she is at the bottom, and I know that SOUNDS HORRIBLE, but Ill put it this way for you... All three of her kids have/had an addiction to some drug and all have been in jail atleast once. Although it def. falls on his shoulders as well, I dont beleive he had a proper up bringing to show him the skills he needs to be a man, be responsible, and whats right and wrong.

    When it comes to helping himself, he is clueless, I know he wants to get clean but I really dont think he knows what to do to get there. It puts me in a really tought situation, sometimes I feel like im teaching him life skills he should already know. So I completely understand letting him find the help he needs, but it is hard for me to not find it for him. I know that if I just elt him do it on his own it would def show that he is committed to getting clean but I guess I am also afraid he wont know where to look, and fall right back where he was. I appreciate both of you for sharing with me. and I hope and pray that he will be able to mkae progress and truly see how amazing he is!
    Getting rid of those connections has to take place. Coming from his brother, that makes things difficult, and I assume his brother is abusing as well. U have to ask him if he really wants to get clean. The first step is admitting he has a problem and the second is to cut ties with the ppl that are supplying him, no matter how hard that may be. He may not know what to do. Most drug addicts don't. Many want to quit but fear withdrawal. That said, there are options. He doesn't have to suffer through a terrible withdrawal like I did many years ago. There are taper options using different meds like Suboxone, but this has to be supervised under a doctor, and a def. a doctor that understands drug addictions. Other long acting benzo. meds like Valium and Klonipin are also use to ease physical symptoms, but again the extent to which he has been abusing, length of time, amt. of pills per day/hour etc.. all play a crictical role in how long and how bad a drug withdrawal may be. This is why many current addicts continue to use even if some really want to quit, to avoid the withdrawal. I feel bad that he has a lack of family support. That does not help at all. U have to really have a heart to heart talk with him about his drug problem. Ask him not only if he wants to quit but would he be willing to go through some kind of detox program or to a doctor that can help him with a taper med and to meetings afterwards once he gets stable. He has a long road to go and so do u unfortunately b/c u love him and u travel the road he is on and feel the pain, just in a different way. I really send prayers out to u. Plz keep us up to date on what is going on, any progress or regression and hopefully others can chime in with some good advice based on your situation. God Bless!

  6. #6
    Natlee629 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by primetimegrape View Post
    Getting rid of those connections has to take place. Coming from his brother, that makes things difficult, and I assume his brother is abusing as well. U have to ask him if he really wants to get clean. The first step is admitting he has a problem and the second is to cut ties with the ppl that are supplying him, no matter how hard that may be. He may not know what to do. Most drug addicts don't. Many want to quit but fear withdrawal. That said, there are options. He doesn't have to suffer through a terrible withdrawal like I did many years ago. There are taper options using different meds like Suboxone, but this has to be supervised under a doctor, and a def. a doctor that understands drug addictions. Other long acting benzo. meds like Valium and Klonipin are also use to ease physical symptoms, but again the extent to which he has been abusing, length of time, amt. of pills per day/hour etc.. all play a crictical role in how long and how bad a drug withdrawal may be. This is why many current addicts continue to use even if some really want to quit, to avoid the withdrawal. I feel bad that he has a lack of family support. That does not help at all. U have to really have a heart to heart talk with him about his drug problem. Ask him not only if he wants to quit but would he be willing to go through some kind of detox program or to a doctor that can help him with a taper med and to meetings afterwards once he gets stable. He has a long road to go and so do u unfortunately b/c u love him and u travel the road he is on and feel the pain, just in a different way. I really send prayers out to u. Plz keep us up to date on what is going on, any progress or regression and hopefully others can chime in with some good advice based on your situation. God Bless!
    I really appreciate all the adivce and support. He has been in a detox program as of Friday the 2nd. He will be back home by friday the 9th and that is where i am most concerned. I want to make sure I am doing all I can but still letting him run the show. They will be stopping his suboxan tmrw or wednesday. They say his withdrawls are almost non exsistant! I am just praying that when he gets back into everyday life he has the strength and courage to comtinue on getting his life back. Seeing how good this site works and how caring everyone has been maybe I will even show him thee site incase he would like to start his own forum for someone to talk to that can really relate to him in the way I cant.

  7. #7
    Natlee629 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natlee629 View Post
    I really appreciate all the adivce and support. He has been in a detox program as of Friday the 2nd. He will be back home by friday the 9th and that is where i am most concerned. I want to make sure I am doing all I can but still letting him run the show. They will be stopping his suboxan tmrw or wednesday. They say his withdrawls are almost non exsistant! I am just praying that when he gets back into everyday life he has the strength and courage to comtinue on getting his life back. Seeing how good this site works and how caring everyone has been maybe I will even show him thee site incase he would like to start his own forum for someone to talk to that can really relate to him in the way I cant.

    My bf was discharged today from the detow facility, he seems to be doing very well and he seems very ambitous about taking the steps to stay sober, he has already called the NA place to see when the next meeting is, and has an appt. tom morning with a drug counsler, I am very happy to see that he is doing this all on his own, that really shows me he is dedicated! I told him about this site and how helpful everyone has been to me. Please keep him in your prayers!!!

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