[trixiebel]

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping I can get some advice here, thanks in advance to anyone who responds.

My boyfriend does cocaine and Vicodin. Also takes Xanax to 'come off' the cocaine high when it's time to go to sleep. He does it at least once a week (that I know of). His 2 best friends use regularly (same drugs), and he often says that they 'drag him into it'. uh-huh He has a LOT of mood swings. One of my girlfriends warned me that he was moody when I started dating him. Vicodin turns him into a real jerk and he picks on me and says hurtful things.

I will admit that I had never tried these things before dating him and I was very curious, so I did some with him a few times (never tried the Vicodin though). I noticed how down and empty you feel after the high and once I had a panic attack, so that was the end of it for me, it just wasn't worth it. One time he told me he would get some Vicodin for me to try (I was curious) but when he got them he told me 'oh you won't like this anyway' and he took them all himself. I found that really weird so my antannae went up

He does use alone, and he feel extremely guilty about it the next day (he calls it 'Loser Syndrome'. Last Saturday night he went on a alcohol and cocaine binge (and God knows what else) with his friends, and the next day he was hung over and all I heard about was how he felt like an idiot and a loser.

I sent him a message this morning asking him to reconsider his hard drug use; that he is a lot more fun and happy and sweet when he is not using. I told him that I was telling him because I wanted him to be happy and I love him.

He never answered. Well not yet anyway.

Can someone tell me what is the deal and how bad you think this situation is - I am near dumping him because of the mood swings.

Thanks so much and I am sorry if I seem naive, I am struggling for answers. If there is another forum I should visit, please let me know, I think this one may be for prescription drugs only?

trixie

[vduda]

Hey Trix,

I am a male who was a heavy user of opiates and benzos for a decade. Thank God I have been off the opiates for over 9 months now. My personality has changed and feel like myself again. I am calm and understanding, but I did go through some weird emotions these last nine months because my body chemistry was still balancing out.

As for your boyfriend, I would say he definitely has a drug problem. Whether you should stay with him I cannot tell you one way or the other. What I can tell you if he continues on this track that he will become worse and worse and pretty soon the drugs will take over completely. The drugs will be his girlfriend, not you. May sound harsh, but it is true. There still may be me a chance for him to get out of this destructive pattern because he still feels guilty. However, you do it long enough, the guilt is replaced with justifications, denial and lies.

So it depends on how much you want to be with this person. If he doesn't get help for his addiction and he is a total jerk to you, then why would you stay? You sound young and no one deserves to be treated badly...no matter what the excuse is. It's up to you how much abuse you can take. But it seems that he is on his way to becoming an addict, if he's not one already.

For me God has always lead me in the right directon. If you believe, pray to Him and He will give you the answers you need. And remember Love does not hurt...but rather it is patient, kind, not self seeking. God Bless you.

VJ

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by trixiebel

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping I can get some advice here, thanks in advance to anyone who responds.

My boyfriend does cocaine and Vicodin. Also takes Xanax to 'come off' the cocaine high when it's time to go to sleep. He does it at least once a week (that I know of). His 2 best friends use regularly (same drugs), and he often says that they 'drag him into it'. uh-huh He has a LOT of mood swings. One of my girlfriends warned me that he was moody when I started dating him. Vicodin turns him into a real jerk and he picks on me and says hurtful things.

I will admit that I had never tried these things before dating him and I was very curious, so I did some with him a few times (never tried the Vicodin though). I noticed how down and empty you feel after the high and once I had a panic attack, so that was the end of it for me, it just wasn't worth it. One time he told me he would get some Vicodin for me to try (I was curious) but when he got them he told me 'oh you won't like this anyway' and he took them all himself. I found that really weird so my antannae went up

He does use alone, and he feel extremely guilty about it the next day (he calls it 'Loser Syndrome'. Last Saturday night he went on a alcohol and cocaine binge (and God knows what else) with his friends, and the next day he was hung over and all I heard about was how he felt like an idiot and a loser.

I sent him a message this morning asking him to reconsider his hard drug use; that he is a lot more fun and happy and sweet when he is not using. I told him that I was telling him because I wanted him to be happy and I love him.

He never answered. Well not yet anyway.

Can someone tell me what is the deal and how bad you think this situation is - I am near dumping him because of the mood swings.

Thanks so much and I am sorry if I seem naive, I am struggling for answers. If there is another forum I should visit, please let me know, I think this one may be for prescription drugs only?

trixie

Trixie,

I don't know how long this has been going on with your boyfriend, but his use of drugs at least has all the signs of turning into something dangerous if he is not physically addicted yet. That is the best case scenario.

Most all of us here had fun when we first started using. After a good period of time, we would start switching from one drug to another when we started blowing it with a particular drug. The next phase of addiction is that we would feel some remorse. Finally, we reached a point where it wasn't fun anymore, we were getting high to celebrate the good times, or getting high to hide fromt the bad times. Anything was a good excuse. But the using by this point was more of thing where we were doing it just trying to maintain. There was not a real high anymore, we just had to have to it maintain. I don't know where your boyfriend sits in this cycle, but he is past the first stage of just having fun for sure. This cycle can happen relatively quickly, over just a few years or it can take many years as it did for me. It depends on the individual addict.

He has to want to do something about it. Most important don't allow him to drag you into this. It is your life you are talking about. No one is worth destroying your life. You can want him to straighten up, and I hope he does too. But you have to look out for yourself first and always. It is serious business.

I suggest you get tough with him and let him know he needs to clean up his act completely if he wants you in the picture. I would give him a chance, but you should stick to your guns. If he chooses the drugs over you then he has a bigger problem than he realizes and you will have the answer to your question. If you give in and allow him to be abusive with you and lie to you then you are setting yourself up for a bunch of misery and heartache. Read the posts of other people who have a "significant other" that are out of control. They are all miserable. Don't allow that to happen to you. You can still do something relatively easily at this point.

I wish you the best of luck. Like VJ in the above post, I also look to God for direction and for answers to problems. Don't be embarrased to ask God to help you at this time. He will always be there for you. Keep posting and let us know how things are going. Good luck and God bless.

[trixiebel]

Thank you for your answers. I wish I was really young but I am in my thirties and my boyfriend is in his mid-forties, he has been using for 25 years by my estimate. Probably at this point it would be hard for him to stop? I don't think I want to get seriously committed (living together or marriage) and live day-to-day with this. Also when things are stressful for him he uses more often. I'm not trying to just give up on him I'm trying to figure out if there is any chance he could stop using drugs like this.

He finally answered me this morning by mocking my message (asked me if I wrote it or did my mother help me). That was hurtful. I am seeing him tomorrow and I am hoping he will want to talk about this seriously.

trixie

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by trixiebel

Thank you for your answers. I wish I was really young but I am in my thirties and my boyfriend is in his mid-forties, he has been using for 25 years by my estimate. Probably at this point it would be hard for him to stop? I don't think I want to get seriously committed (living together or marriage) and live day-to-day with this. Also when things are stressful for him he uses more often. I'm not trying to just give up on him I'm trying to figure out if there is any chance he could stop using drugs like this.

He finally answered me this morning by mocking my message (asked me if I wrote it or did my mother help me). That was hurtful. I am seeing him tomorrow and I am hoping he will want to talk about this seriously.

trixie

I wouldn't say it's impossible for him to stop as I was in my 50s. I had been using in MASS quantities since 1968. But it took me being willing to go through whatever was necessary to get clean. It certainly makes the odds against us though. For me it was turning my life over to Jesus Christ that gave me the strength to do what was required. God just took my addiction away from me. But I had begun the cleaning up process when all of this happened. God came to my rescue when He knew I was willing and humble. Don't like to sound corny, but that is what happened. It made things so much easier.

I would advise that the most important thing for you is to first trust God. Second, don't allow your boyfriend to be verbally, emotionally or abusive to you in any other way. I would tell you that as a brother, a friend, or just as another human being. No one should be abusive to anyone. A real man does not abuse his girlfriend or wife or vice versa. That is just not right. Don't set yourself up for worse. Good luck Trixie. God bless.

[ymccormack]

Originally Posted by trixiebel

Thank you for your answers. I wish I was really young but I am in my thirties and my boyfriend is in his mid-forties, he has been using for 25 years by my estimate. Probably at this point it would be hard for him to stop? I don't think I want to get seriously committed (living together or marriage) and live day-to-day with this. Also when things are stressful for him he uses more often. I'm not trying to just give up on him I'm trying to figure out if there is any chance he could stop using drugs like this.

He finally answered me this morning by mocking my message (asked me if I wrote it or did my mother help me). That was hurtful. I am seeing him tomorrow and I am hoping he will want to talk about this seriously.

trixie

Trixie:

He's not going to stop until he really wants to stop...and it sounds like he's a long way from that right now.

At this point...if you were to say "drugs or me"...he would probably pick drugs. He may say he picks you....but in his head he's thinking of all the ways he can use without you knowing.

Why do this to yourself?

Good Luck

YM

[vduda]

Trix,

I have to agree with Robert that you should not allow your boyfriend to be abusive toward you in any manner. Also that with God nothing is impossible. Robert was delivered in an instance, when he humbled himself and surrendered to God's will. For others God takes them through a process. But like Robert said he was in his 50's when he saw the light, so to speak. Seek first the Kingdom of God and all things shall follow. Ask and it will given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will opened to you. It is in these moments, when all seems hopeless, that Jesus is standing right outside the door. But you have to take the first step. God loves us so much that He gives us free will. He does not push himself on us, but patiently waits always whispering to us that He is ready to embrace us with agape love. So knock and the door will be opened. God's salvation is free given to us by grace throug faith. There is nothing you can do to earn it...it is a gift. Confess with thy mouth that Jesus is Lord and thou shalt be saved. Believe and thou shalt be saved. Jesus is the way, the truth and life...no man cometh to the Father but through Jesus Christ. God loved us so much that He manifested Himself into the flesh and dwelt among. He lived as a man and was faced with every temptation. Yet He kept true to His divine nature and did not sin, but rather laid His life down for us as a sacrifice so we could be redeemed and be able to commune one on one with God again. In actuality, He became sin for us...the Lamb of God. But He rose on the third day and is in His glorious resurrected state He will soon return to this world and the Kingdom of God will follow. Just know God loves you and that us humans in our sinful state will always let each other down and hurt one another. But there is hope for he takes away the sin of the world. Makes us into a new creation. Loves those who have been cast aside. For God is Love. And I believe there is hope for your boyfriend, but it might take you living him to realize what he has and then maybe he can seek help. Again, nothing is impossible with God. He will give you the answers...just pray with faith and repent changing your mind and accepting Jesus for who is God in the flesh, now resurrected praise His name who's name is above all others. This is your opportunity. He reaches out to you...will you take His hand?
Or will leave yours empty and void. The decision is yours. God Bless beautiful child of God.

VJ

[renee_may2148]

hey trixxie,
I have been living with my boyfriend for 4 years, and have been threw everything that you have described. Yes he is addicted, and things are only going to get worse if he doesn't get some help. Be warned, the xanex can make him abusive, my boyfriend has gone as far pulling guns on me when he was on them. Just want to let you know to be very careful.