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In the middle of jumping of subs
hey everyone I guess I should tell everyone my story before I start posting on these forums.
I'm a long time lurker of these forums finally decided to post..I am currently in the middle of getting off subs, I'm down to 7 mgs of Suboxone and I'm lowering my dose again tonight..
Before I get to that I guess I should tell my story for anyone in a similar situation wondering if they should use Suboxone.
I'm 23 years old and it all started by using a little vicodin recreationally. I started to notice how insanely popular pharmaceuticals are nowadays..it seems like ????ing EVERY BODY is using these things. So im like hey ill never get as bad as some of these guys why the hell not. Well once I started snorting 30 mg blues or roxies as they are known, that high got a hold of me. You add in hanging around people who do like its nothing and its so incredibly easy to slip into it. I started snorting blues once a week to every few days then every other day until one week I went 7 straight days. So im like ok I need to take a break.
Yeah ok next day I felt what full blown withdrawal felt like. The aches pains but worst of all what got me was the bad anxiety..nothing like having flu like symptoms and throwing a panic attack on top of it. From that point I knew I was addicted...
This went on for over a year. I started doing 5 to 10 30mg roxies a day. I needed 5 just to feel normal. I ended up blowing pretty much my entire salary of 55 thousand dollars that year on blues. Waiting til the next paycheck and blowing it by monday wondering how the ???? your going to get to friday with no ???? and that sheer terror and anxiety..felt like I was trapped had nowhere to go. Sold everything I had literally everything besides my car (i prob would have sold that too or else how else would I be able to pick up right?) just to make it to the next paycheck, once that was all gone I was so bad and had such a tolerance just the thought of not knowing how I was gonna get ???? freaked me the ???? out. That was the worst for me that anxiety..
I tried going cold turkey unsuccessfully, twice. Both times once I got to the 3rd day it was just too much. The no sleep, the constant torture and panic attacks, I just couldn't handle it. I was kicking my bed pulling my hair out just thinking of snorting a beautiful line...of course I gave in who wouldn't end torture with a simple sniff of some powder... I was so bad I knew I was near rock bottom just a step away from going out there to friggin break into cars or rob people to get money, I KNEW I needed out. That's when I started doing heroin because it was less than half the price of roxies! Boy was this a mistake. I never IV'd it I only snorted it but what I didn't realize that just because you can get 10 bags for 50 bucks that just meant with my budget I could afford 50 bags at once! Yeah thats when I started doing bundles of heroin a day..This peroid lasted me about 3 months..a very very bad 3 months of destroyed relationships and a lot of realizations learned..I wanted to kill myself I was so depressed. I knew I didn't want this anymore I knew I needed to change something. After all the ???? I went through I came to realize what really mattered in life... and I remember that night laying on my floor and saying this is rock bottom, then at that moment the perfect Bob Marley song came on my Ipod shuffle stereo and it straight brought me to tears, man that guy speaks truth, and at that moment it helped me ????in dig down and change my life forever.
Now I always considered suboxone but I knew that it has the worst withdrawal symptoms of anything out there, and that they lasted for a month scared the ???? out of me. But at that point I didn't care, and I can say it probably saved my life. Me and my buddy both decided enough was enough and he went and got a prescription and split it with me. Good thing the doctor way over prescribed him. I can't explain the relief it brought, not having to worry about how I'm even going to get out of bed the next morning, being able to just get back to a normal routine! This went on for about a year. I used subs for a straight year it helped me get some a saving account back and helped me just get back into the swing of living.
I did have some bad slip ups, I would stop taking it to go on a binge for a week. But that often had way worse effects. My body was so used to the subs I would get sick around the 3rd day of just doing roxies and I would vomit. Also I while I was maintaining my suboxone there was a few months where I got did a lot of cocaine and ecstasy, or xanax depending what type of binge I decided on WHILE taking my normal suboxone dose. Well I realized doing so had a lot of adverse effects on me when combining it with the suboxone. First the xanax would give me extremely bad withdrawals after only using them for a 3-5 days straight, terrible sickness and vomiting so I stopped that. And the cocains and E..I did those for almost 2 months straight. It was bad and stupid but im glad I kept on the suboxone. WHen I finally decided I had enough of that ????, for a whole MONTH after I stopped the uppers I had this constant feeling of anxiety and body pains..kinda of like that paranoid hyper crash you get hours after coke where you shake. except I had that for almost a month straight every freakin day, shakes and everything. It was torture and all I did was stay on my suboxone hoping ill get better. Finally though it started to subside..and I was able to go back to normal suboxone use for another 3 months..
I finally reached the point where I had enough of the suboxone. The side effects were getting to me. I was sick of feeling totally exhausted and drained every day. I was sick of having no appetite and losing 50 pounds to the point where people comment me every holiday about how I lost even MORE weight. And I was sick of the overall general unhealthy feeling Suboxone gives you. SO thats how we end up here this month. I read roberts method of going down 1 mg every 4 days and this has worked freakin WONDERS for me. I was on 12 mgs a day (some might consider it low for the amount of opiates I took, subs are strong stuff you dont need that much) And now I'm down to 7 mgs with absolutely ZERO discomfort. Now I know this is going to get harder once I get below 4mgs but I'm prepared for it. I know its going to be nothing like the withdrawals of going cold turkey. I am so ready for this so ready to go back to being FREE and HEALTHY and being able to lift again because I can actually gain muscle now that I'm not on this stuff. The year off suboxone really helped me get back to living normally.
For those people asking if they should get on subs I completely think you should, but use it for what it is. Doctors want you on it for years..don't listen to them, listen to yourself and your body and know in your heart when your ready. if you want you can start tapering off just after a couple weeks of use, but in my case I needed a year to get back to normal. I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to get off of this. I couldnt be more sure about anything in my life then that I will never use opiates again after all the ???? I've been through. I feel like I'm closing a chapter in my life and moving on to bigger things now, not having this drug suck my health and money and relationships from me. I hope if anyone out there reads this know that THERE IS A WAY OUT and its through suboxone this is 2012 there are easier ways to get out of this hell. Just use it as a tool and its totally possible to taper down.
Thank you to everyone who posted their stories that inspired me and to Robert for showing me this taper plan. Now I'm going to try to give back and be an active part of this community and try to show people this beautiful side of life thats out there for us. I will definitely keep everyone posted on how the rest of this taper goes.
Dear eternal rest,
Originally Posted by eternal_rest
You are wise to be trying to taper down and stop the suboxone, following Robert's suggestions. I just want to add my two cents worth with another suggestion.
When we start out on this recovery path, we are often fiercely determined and can not imagine ever going back to the pills. But be careful in trusting that this "determination" is going to carry you through life clean and sober. Life gives us plenty of challenges, and the temptation to reach for "just one pill" will be tremendous.
The greatest chance of relapse is not during the initial detox - it occurs down the road, when we try to stay stopped. When we've spent years depending on a drug to cope with life, we are left with a huge void when we stop. We need to develop healthier coping skills. We need to deal with the underlying issues that led us into drug abuse and addiction. We need to change who we are - within - if we are to keep from using again.
That is why NA, AA or CR are essential to maintaining any kind of long-term recovery. Please, do yourself an enormous favor and get to some meetings. You want all the work you're doing now, to taper off and stop the suboxone, to be the last time you go through this. Your best possible tool for recovery is involvement in a 12-step program. I pray you'll do so.
hey there. good on you for wanting to get clean... just noticed you said
""""And I was sick of the overall general unhealthy feeling Suboxone gives you. SO thats how we end up here this month. I read roberts method of going down 1 mg every 4 days and this has worked freakin WONDERS for me. I was on 12 mgs a day (some might consider it low for the amount of opiates I took, subs are strong stuff you dont need that much) And now I'm down to 7 mgs with absolutely ZERO discomfort. Now I know this is going to get harder once I get below 4mgs but I'm prepared for it.''''
if you read it thru again, it does not mention 1mg a day at all. far from that. it suggests 25% at a time, which is a quarter.... now you are on 7mg, you must stick to the 25% or you will start to notice the drops. and specially after 4mg, next drop 3mg, and so on....
take it easy, and yeh, i strongly suggest you get yourself along to a meeting, and hook up with some people in recovery.. i was in rehab at 21, had done a fair bit of drugs as well, but i had no idea i was in for years and years of drug addiction. i was pretty sure i'd done my dash and was over it. boy was i wrong...
keep with the taper, take it easy. it is sooo much better to not have chemical handcuffs holding you back. not to mention the financial burden too. it all adds up. you have your whole life ahead of you. use this as a learning curve 'been there done that' kind of thing. but get thru this, and never look back. far too young to start this career. take it from an ol junkie... i wish i'd got it way back when i was 21,,,
Last edited by Anonymous; 07-10-2012 at 06:12 AM.
Eternal, In my opinion you have two of the best people on this site giving you valuable advice that I hope you take. I wish you well in your taper plan but take it from someone who has been there and is there again..... I did not become addicted to anything until I was in my 40's (going to leave the age at that!) When I did, it was with the Oxy's and I did everything wrong the first time. I also figured I was not "one of those people" who would become addicted again - I was wrong... I am now on day one of Suboxone and will do it the right way this time. I read a saying once that has stuck with me for years - not sure where it came from but it's something like this... "I am smart because I learn from my mistakes, but I am even smarter to know I can't make them all so I learn from others...."
You are young now and have your entire life ahead of you - but if you think you can use "just once" in a blink of an eye, years will be gone. Good luck to you!
Wow guys, thanks for the response and support it really does help..
I understand kicking is just the first step to being clean. I know the huge challenge that's ahead of me so I agree I should probably check out some of those meetings. I know once I get comfortable its going to seem so easy like "hey I got off before, just once wont kill me" and I know that one time is all takes and I know I absolutely have to be strong and stick by this knowledge.
I know you guys are older and have been through so much more than I have so believe me every single one of your words have weight with me. I ended my friendships with all my friends that I used to get high with, as much as I love those people some of them admit they will never stop, and they completely respect my decision. I used to go to church every single Sunday of my life but I stopped because well..id be out picking up every Sunday morning, so I plan on getting reconnected with that aspect of my life. I'm going to get my own place and get on my feet and plan on just finding an amazing girl and settling down, just a nice easy life filled with the only thing that we need in life, love, just like the beatles said So yeah I'm definitely going to take your advice and meet some people like me at a meeting, and Dee thanks for sharing that saying. I will keep you updated.
Hi Eternal Rest,
I'm glad you are here and sharing your story. I think this is a great place to find incredible words of wisdom. I, like Cheekysod, got clean the first time at 21. I got very involved in meetings and the Program, which gave me the tools I never had in order to live life. However, after seven years of being clean I stopped going to meetings, and thought I was "cured." I ended up going out on a 10 year run of pills, cocaine, and smoking heroin. What I can share with you is that getting clean at 21 was a whole lot easier than getting clean at 40. The physical and emotional pain were so much worse, and the consequences much more grave. I encourage you to embrace your recovery and put as much effort into getting clean as you did into scoring drugs. Good luck to you!
Damn..I'm glad I came on this site.
You guys made me realize there is a whole lot more that goes into a successful recovery and its not as easy as I thought. I did a lot more reading and research and I fit perfectly into the category as someone who would relapse without any post addiction therapy...and I'm not going to take that chance.
I just hooked up with an old best friend and he is taking me to my first meeting tomorrow. I say old best friend because he got really bad with heroin and decided to change so for the past 3 years he left my old band, stopped talking to our crowd and went to meetings every day since. I talked to him maybe 5 times the past 3-4 years and I must say he is doing great and I'm really excited to go!
Man I wish I could respond to every person here but I could go on writing forever lol but believe me I truly appreciate the advice I've never had anything like this before and it feels good. Look forward to seeing you all on the forums and will keep you updated, still feel perfectly fine after that last drop in dose I told you guys about!
Man I know EXACTLY what you mean..I was actually in a 3 year relationship that I ended over a month ago because of this..its all wayyyyy toooo long and complicated to put in my post tho it would have been 5 pages long..but I have a feeling our situations are very similar lol add me so we could talk!
Originally Posted by toni.s.
that just made me smile while reading. good for you.
Originally Posted by eternal_rest
I'm right there with you and Toni. I've spoken to Toni many times about my troubles, and she really is a very good listener. Just wanted to say that I'm very proud of you for making such a committment to go to those meetings! I am going right now and it's the BEST decision I could have ever made for myself. You will see and hope it is the same for you too!
Originally Posted by eternal_rest
You have a great day ok. Talk to you again real soon.
Toni....you are right that I mentioned that I like to share almost everything here. Nice to have friends respond, and look back and see how far I've come just like you said!
did u get to that meeting?
how about an update?