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Messed up bad
  1. #1
    pgcc is offline Member
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    Default Messed up bad

    I have been on 45mgs of methadone for a while now hoping to come down lower to switch to suboxone. However, I started hanging with the wrong person and started doing my drug of choice again here and there, didn't think it was enough to make a difference but it was. The 45 isn't holding me like it was now I have a dilemma. I don't want to go up but of course I don't want to be sick every morning. I only was messing around a week or two. I know everyone is different but if I stick it out how long should it take my body to normalize to the 45 agian or am I screwed and have to go up? Thanks in advance, I was doing so good I feel so dumb, disapointed in myself and even suicidal because getting off the meth is so importamt to me. It has put my life in a holding pattern, I am so complacent, I don't do anything and I feeel like ???? about myself, now this. I was offered a wonderful opportunity, a full scholorshup to a law school in the north east. However, I cant go on methadone one because it kills my motivation and two because there are no clinics there. I wanted to switch to suboxone so i could go but now I've royaly messed up. One thing I knoe is I'm not strong enough to fight this, if and when I do switch I need support from groups, ect. or i'm just going to relapse. Anyway, I really don't want to go up any input appreciated. This school is offering me a $150,000 education for free and I cant take it because of methadone, unbelievable. How I got to this point I don't know but I feel like I want a train to hit me and put me out of my misery. I've been trying to think of ways to get the offer deferred for a year, I have hepatitis c, I thought of going to a specialist and having him write them a letter, tell the doc I just found out and I just can't handle law school till I know more about my condition. I think this would work but the things we have to do because of our(my) dumb, stupid choices. I know its a disease but I feel like I let this happen, didn't even fight it. I'm at the end of my rope really.

  2. #2
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    I cannot answer your question. It's good that you "fessed" up though. I'm taking it you're on meth maintenance from >>>>>>? My advice is hold right where you are with the methadone. Robert will talk to you and perhaps others who have been right where you are now. Try not to do anything until someone comes here to help you. Yeah, drugs seem to rule our brains. You can't fight this alone. Stick here and see what is said. Right now your brain is racing because you're feeling sick. Just hang tough!

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    Last edited by iloerose; 06-17-2012 at 07:15 AM.

  3. #3
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    This will all straighten itself out, but one day at a time (at least that is what I am clinging to). Just do the best you can today, and you have got good help here.

  4. #4
    pgcc is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by iloerose View Post
    I cannot answer your question. It's good that you "fessed" up though. I'm taking it you're on meth maintenance from >>>>>>? My advice is hold right where you are with the methadone. Robert will talk to you and perhaps others who have been right where you are now. Try not to do anything until someone comes here to help you. Yeah, drugs seem to rule our brains. You can't fight this alone. Stick here and see what is said. Right now your brain is racing because you're feeling sick. Just hang tough!

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    No reason to lie about anything, we all screw up I keep telling myself that. My worst time has been the morning, felt real sick the other day until I dosed. I'm so confused, I guess I just have to see how I feel tomorrow morning. Yeah I was using >>>>>> and I cant believe I did this it has been so long since I did >>>>>>.

  5. #5
    pgcc is offline Member
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    Wow, I'm so depressed. I have never been this bad, I feel like my whole life is hanging in the balance. I hate to complain but I don't have alot of support, my family is pretty much fed up w/ me, I no longer have the closest person to me my ex, I'm pretty much alone with this. I'm sitting here thinking of ways I could end my life, honestly. I don't think I would have the guts to do it but the fact that I am thinking this way is really bad. I was always successful in everrything I did and then I had an injury and got prescribed opiates and within a few years was a full blown >>>>>> addict. It was so anathama to my character that my parents thought I was kidding when I told them, I hid it well and I was in college 1,000 miles away so it was not that hard. I have to say that right now I regret, so much, going on methadone but at the time I could not stop. Had been to 15 detoxes 3 rehabs and always went back. Methadone is so hard to get off of its not funny but I have seen many have success w/ suboxone. I'm just rambling, my mind is racing. I see all my friends getting married, having kids, being happy and I'm depressed stuck on a meth clinic w/ little hope in the near future. I tend to avoid happy people because they make me more depressed I'm evious of thier happiness and seeing people do good things makes me more depressed. My GF just left me because she said she couldn't wait any more for me to get it together and you know what I told her; she was right, she actually tried to contact me, I miss her terribly but she is better off with me not in her life right now so I avoided her, I knew she missed me and if I talked to her I may not have been able to help myself but go back with her. She is a great girl and deserves better then what I am right now, going to a meth clinic, not working, hustling up money illegally which I thought I would never do but I have no other way to survive right now; The economy sucks and even if I got a job the methadone makes me so complacent I don't know if I could do it. I know my life sounds like a bad country song. I just want to sleep and never wake up, I dread the morning coming and having to trek to the clinic. I'm desperate, really, I'm still young, still have a great opportunity with the law school scholorship but I feel if something doesn't happen soon my life is going to just continue to pass by and I will be 50 or 60 on the meth clinic, alone and miserable. The councilors and people who work at my meth clinic don't care if you stay on it forever as long as they get paid. My councilor tried to talk me out of trying to go to suboxone, so I have stopped trying to get help there. I've thought about NA but for real I go to bed by 7 pm because I'm so depressed, I can't even make it to a meeting. I'm sorry to bother and give such a sob story but I'm at the end of my rope. I guess I'm looking for someone who was at a similar desperate point and got through it to the other side and how, with suboxone, a long term program ect.? Any bit of hope would help right now. Thanks for putting up with this miserable post.

  6. #6
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgcc View Post
    Wow, I'm so depressed. I have never been this bad, I feel like my whole life is hanging in the balance. I hate to complain but I don't have alot of support, my family is pretty much fed up w/ me, I no longer have the closest person to me my ex, I'm pretty much alone with this. I'm sitting here thinking of ways I could end my life, honestly. I don't think I would have the guts to do it but the fact that I am thinking this way is really bad. I was always successful in everything I did and then I had an injury and got prescribed opiates and within a few years was a full blown >>>>>> addict. It was so anathama to my character that my parents thought I was kidding when I told them, I hid it well and I was in college 1,000 miles away so it was not that hard. I have to say that right now I regret, so much, going on methadone but at the time I could not stop. Had been to 15 detoxes 3 rehabs and always went back. Methadone is so hard to get off of its not funny but I have seen many have success w/ suboxone. I'm just rambling, my mind is racing. I see all my friends getting married, having kids, being happy and I'm depressed stuck on a meth clinic w/ little hope in the near future. I tend to avoid happy people because they make me more depressed I'm envious of their happiness and seeing people do good things makes me more depressed. My GF just left me because she said she couldn't wait any more for me to get it together and you know what I told her; she was right, she actually tried to contact me, I miss her terribly but she is better off with me not in her life right now so I avoided her, I knew she missed me and if I talked to her I may not have been able to help myself but go back with her. She is a great girl and deserves better then what I am right now, going to a meth clinic, not working, hustling up money illegally which I thought I would never do but I have no other way to survive right now; The economy sucks and even if I got a job the methadone makes me so complacent I don't know if I could do it. I know my life sounds like a bad country song. I just want to sleep and never wake up, I dread the morning coming and having to trek to the clinic. I'm desperate, really, I'm still young, still have a great opportunity with the law school scholorship but I feel if something doesn't happen soon my life is going to just continue to pass by and I will be 50 or 60 on the meth clinic, alone and miserable. The councilors and people who work at my meth clinic don't care if you stay on it forever as long as they get paid. My councilor tried to talk me out of trying to go to suboxone, so I have stopped trying to get help there. I've thought about NA but for real I go to bed by 7 pm because I'm so depressed, I can't even make it to a meeting. I'm sorry to bother and give such a sob story but I'm at the end of my rope. I guess I'm looking for someone who was at a similar desperate point and got through it to the other side and how, with suboxone, a long term program ect.? Any bit of hope would help right now. Thanks for putting up with this miserable post.
    Oh Wow Pgcc,

    I don't profess to know all the answers, maybe not any of the answers, but I do know that hope really exists. I also wanted to give up on so many occasions. I abused drugs for about 7 years and thought I would never get my life back in order. But what I did was to get so pi$$ed at those drugs for being in my life and made the decision that I was just not going to live that way. It wasn't the way life is meant to be lived. So just know from one person here that I do believe in YOU and that you can get your life back in order!

    Depression is certainly a part of it. I was depressed also. But if you make the decision that your life really does matter things can be turned around, and turned around quickly! I tried every method possible to quit using and every single time ended up at the same point.....gobbling pills by the handful. But I made the decision after reading here so many posts that I was going to give Suboxone it's chance to help me out. Turns out it was the BEST decision I have made in a very long time!

    Robert was kind enough to take me on and guide me thought to this point. This is my first week here and the support, guidance, suggestions, and wisdom I have received is completely awesome! It will be for you also! So stick it out a bit and let others help you here. You posted that amazing post for a reason you know. You need help, you want help, and many here will see that. They will come running I'm sure!

    Just hang in there my friend and please don't give up for we will NOT give up on you! Please also keep posting your feelings. We really do care about you, and I do more than ever now that we have met! I wish you the very best. I will be checking in on you as often as time allows me. I am learning myself right now, you must too! Together and with the help of others you will be given all the hope you will ever need! Blessings.

    Big Hugs,
    Karen
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  7. #7
    ClassiqueMom is offline Senior Member
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    hi pgcc..

    my heart truly goes out to you..

    there are few things more miserable than living with a feeling of 'hopelessness'

    but ............

    you have found this place..
    and from what you wrote, it sounds like you WANT to change.. WANT to be free..

    those two things are important parts of what will make a difference..

    #1 -- you MUST believe you can do this..

    and you CAN believe it, because this place if full of people's testimonies who have..
    they should be.. and you should let them, be motivation to reach out and walk the walk for yourself..

    #2 -- know that this won't happen overnight.. but IF you continue to make the next right choice
    you will be on your way..

    #3 -- small baby steps.. one day.. one hour.. one minute at a time..

    #4 -- post here often.. you will get good advice and insight.. believe it, when it's told to you!

    #5 -- NEVER!! give up hope!! pick yourself up by your proverbial bootstraps, and know that
    you got yourself in this position (by whatever means) AND YOU CAN get yourself out..

    wishing you alllll my best! along with prayers!
    Classique MoM

  8. #8
    pgcc is offline Member
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    Thanks, it means alot to have anyone, even a stranger, respond. I so want to turn back time, go back to when I popped that first percocet, at the time I didn't even drink, go figure. I do feel hopeless like I've lost control of my life of the path of my life. I know I have to get off the meth, that nothing good will happen for me until I do, so what do I do I use dope for two weeks and make myself unstable on my dose. Us addicts are real gluttons for punishment, like I didn't know this could happen. Anyway, I've decided to stick it out, as of now, on 45mgs, hopefully the morning isn't that bad. I cant go back up it will just make me feel defeated. Once I'm stable again I'll continue the drop to 20 or so and switch to suboxone god willing. The whole thing is just scary when you feel you have lost control, I feel the methadone is making all my decisions for me and I can't stand it. My goal is to switch to suboxone by the end of summer then I can start my life again. Again, thank you for the replies.

  9. #9
    Restlessly is offline Member
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    PG...come on now.........you CAN do this. If we gotta become your very own cheerleaders we will.!!! Its gotta suck to be going thru so much......I feel so bad for you on that level.

    Just know a lot of people out here really do care

    Stand Strong

    ~Restlessly™

  10. #10
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgcc View Post
    Thanks, it means alot to have anyone, even a stranger, respond. I so want to turn back time, go back to when I popped that first percocet, at the time I didn't even drink, go figure. I do feel hopeless like I've lost control of my life of the path of my life. I know I have to get off the meth, that nothing good will happen for me until I do, so what do I do I use dope for two weeks and make myself unstable on my dose. Us addicts are real gluttons for punishment, like I didn't know this could happen. Anyway, I've decided to stick it out, as of now, on 45mgs, hopefully the morning isn't that bad. I cant go back up it will just make me feel defeated. Once I'm stable again I'll continue the drop to 20 or so and switch to suboxone god willing. The whole thing is just scary when you feel you have lost control, I feel the methadone is making all my decisions for me and I can't stand it. My goal is to switch to suboxone by the end of summer then I can start my life again. Again, thank you for the replies.
    Now you're getting it right! Very proud of you for that post! You WILL get your life back....you just have to want it bad enough! And now it sounds as if you really do! Awesome really!

    Others here will advise you as to how to make the reduction in your Methadone dose. And when you are ready for the suboxone please let Robert or one of the other experts here help you. These people know their business. And please keep posting! Makes ALL the difference! So proud of you right now! Blessings.

    Big Hugs,
    Karen
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  11. #11
    Crystalclear651 is offline Senior Member
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    U WILL get thru this, plz don't focus on the negative. CONGRATS for getting a scholarship to a law school, that's great news n u need to see that u have a huge future ahead of u...So don't get down on urself, I've screwed up so many times n I've felt like u do now, but u can't let the depression get to u...you can do this, you can get your life back in order, n we are all here for u. I can't give u advice on what u should do as far as your game plan but there are some experts on this site who will b able to assist u w that so hang tight. I just wanted to jump on here real quick to offer u some support. U deserve Better n u will get thru this dark period of ur life. Just realize this is temporary, u have a lot to look forward to...sounds like your ex really does care about u and ur well being.

    Anyways your in my thoughts n prayers, keep posting this is a great place for support n guidance. Big hugs hun

  12. #12
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgcc View Post
    No reason to lie about anything, we all screw up I keep telling myself that. My worst time has been the morning, felt real sick the other day until I dosed. I'm so confused, I guess I just have to see how I feel tomorrow morning. Yeah I was using >>>>>> and I cant believe I did this it has been so long since I did >>>>>>.
    I didn't mean to call you out on a lie. We're addicts. We do that. Robert will want to know this though so he can help you. As far as the depression, oh yeah, how many times have I looked at the razor. I felt dead, I guess, couldn't see much beyond that at one time. You are a young man. You can get past this. The should'ves, would'ves, could'ves don't count right now. Don't let that mess with your head. You are sick. Take care of yourself. You are probably younger than my son, there is so much life out there and you will find it. Confusion let it go. There is a saying: You can't know what the answers are until you know what the questions are. Don't second guess. I'm thinking about you.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
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  13. #13
    pgcc is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by iloerose View Post
    I didn't mean to call you out on a lie. We're addicts. We do that. Robert will want to know this though so he can help you. As far as the depression, oh yeah, how many times have I looked at the razor. I felt dead, I guess, couldn't see much beyond that at one time. You are a young man. You can get past this. The should'ves, would'ves, could'ves don't count right now. Don't let that mess with your head. You are sick. Take care of yourself. You are probably younger than my son, there is so much life out there and you will find it. Confusion let it go. There is a saying: You can't know what the answers are until you know what the questions are. Don't second guess. I'm thinking about you.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    I didn't mean that mean just that I will get better results telling the truth. How can I get help if I'm lying. I got through today without using anything but my 45mgs of meth so thats good. I'm praying I can handle things until my dose stabalizes. I'll tell you one thing I'm done with dope, done. Maybe I shouldn't say that but I am so f'in disgusted even if someone handed me some I would flush it right now. I know addiction is cunning and I can feel like that now and totally different tomorrow but right now I don't want to see the ????. What a stupid move I made but I can only deal with it now its done, I can only hope for the best. I just have to pray I can execute this plan. My other problem is getting the law school to defer the scholorship for a year, I'm not gonna be ready to go in August, no way, definitly not now. Like I said my best idea was to use my hep c as a reason to defer, usually they can't turn down a legit medical reason, I know its deceptive but i'm trying to save my life and my intentions are good. I want to go to law school just when I can function at the level I know I'm capeable of and this fall would not be that. I would have to move, get off meth, switch to suboxone, find a place to live, and then study constantly to stay competitive all in the next two months. I have to be honest I am not ready for this, I can barely get out of bed. However, I know in a year I'll be ready and if off the meth and by then off everything I know I can excel. I graduated college 2 in my class with a 3.98 gpa, not to sound arrogent just that when I put my mind to something I usually do extremly well. Problem is I have no middle ground I either excel or crash and burn there is no in between with me, I've been like this since I was a child. I lived on the tennis court from like age 8 till 17, did great played in college another example of doing something to extreme I would be doing sprints in the dark on the courts. I guess that my addictive behavior, when put towards positive things its good but when the drugs got introduced that became my new obsesion and I went at that just as hard. Thanks again. Tomorrow is a new day, one day at a time, thats my only hope.

  14. #14
    Comeback Kid is online now Senior Member
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    Live for the day, plan for tomorrow. You can't change the past, no reason to dwell on it, and let it hold you back from becoming a better person. Its events like that, that define us as people sometimes. Good luck
    Hi my name is Adam, i'm an addict
    "Do you have another day 1 in you?"
    “If I can't win what sense does it make to fight?” -Father Martin on Step 1
    Clean as of 05.30.2014 (4:00pm)

  15. #15
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    No, I know you didn't say anything to be mean. You sound like a great guy with a problem. You sound better right now than you did before! Keep posting and see what more Robert has to say. Believe it: there is someone watching over you. Just stay determined. Yes you said it "HOPE". One day at at time. In my experience, if you stay the path, you will end up where you are supposed to be. .

    Peace,

    Iloerose
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  16. #16
    rxqueen83 is offline Member
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    pgcc
    Maybe you should talk to your counselor about going up on your dose. You should not be having cravings at a stable dose. You should not be sick either. Hang in there man.

  17. #17
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    How are you doing today? Hope you're hanging in there. Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts.

    Try not to up your methadone. Try to stabilize where you are at currently, Unless Robert or someone here with methadone/>>>>>> experience comes here and says so.

    Peace,

    Iloerose

  18. #18
    pgcc is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by rxqueen83 View Post
    pgcc
    Maybe you should talk to your counselor about going up on your dose. You should not be having cravings at a stable dose. You should not be sick either. Hang in there man.
    The one person I really don't trust is the councilor at the meth clinic if I told her I relapsed she would make me go up, I couldn't go down for months and the only thing she seems to care about is I can pay. Anyway, thank god but it seems like I may have been givin a break. I am ok right now on 45mgs, I didn't go up. That alone is giving me hope. Now I just have to stay wy from any other drugs. I'm still very depressed, I know I can't change the past but I contiually beat myself about my past actions. I had a perfect road to success laid out for me at 23 after graduating from college and I threw it all away because of addiction and my stuborness because I refused to listen to anyone. Thought I could stop myself. Now I'm in a horrible position. I know I have to take thing at amall steps and my focus needs to be on getting off the meth and getting everything in my life moving in a positive direction. I'm fighting against my own thoughts and the depression, and some suicidal thoughts so it makes it hard to even do simple things like get a haircut or just take care of simple things. Talking on here the last few days has made me feel better though, honestly. Maybe I would benefit from meetings. You all have been very helpful if you know it or not. I'm gonna stay the course and make an appt. w a specialist about the hepc one because I need to have it looked at and two because its my best chance to get the law school to deffer my acceptance for a year. Thanks again everyone.

  19. #19
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    You sound so much better this morning! Whether or not you know it, you have a plan. That's one good place to start. Seriously, though, if you are alone, you may want to check out an NA meeting. Many people think they can fight this alone, you may not be able to do that. You stay on here and let us know how you make out. Whatever, your mind will screw with you. No need to beat yourself up, it is what it is. Accept it for what it is and move on. Until you get around to a meeting post here anytime you need to!

    Peace,

    Iloerose

  20. #20
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    pgcc ...... DON'T go up on your dose! We are getting ready to do a sub induction and you don't need a higher dose, it should be lower if anything. If you can stay away from that needle and keep yourself on hold where you are I can help you we'll get through this. When do you get the subs, I forgot?
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  21. #21
    pgcc is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robert_325 View Post
    pgcc ...... DON'T go up on your dose! We are getting ready to do a sub induction and you don't need a higher dose, it should be lower if anything. If you can stay away from that needle and keep yourself on hold where you are I can help you we'll get through this. When do you get the subs, I forgot?
    I'm going to the doctor saturday for the suboxone. My insurance needs a preautherazation to cover it so hopefully not but that may delay me getting the pills? The doctor told me it won't be a big deal last time, we'll see. If you think I can induct on 45 mgs I am not going up, I have already decided that, then I'm ready.

  22. #22
    Crystalclear651 is offline Senior Member
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    Glad to hear you have a plan n aren't going up n dosage n NOT back to the needle. Plz hang tight until u get to the sub dr. If u look around the need to talk section, you'll see a lot of us are being helped by Robert - all different problems or DOCs but are NOW doing so well because we sought out the help we desperately needed and we followed what he said. Just be sure to follow ROBERTs instructions for inducting because he really knows his stuff, and u don't wanna end up on a high dosage of subs, like I was (dr put me on 32 mg a day which now I realize is crazy high)! I understand the depression, I have felt like that in the past, but if u stick this out I know you will be doing so much better n ul feel much more clear headed. Just some words of support. I def agree u would benefit from mtgs...u need CLEAN ppl around u now n u need to try n stay away from ppl using. this site is also a huge support system in itself so keep posting.

    Big hugs,

    Crystal

    Quote Originally Posted by pgcc View Post
    I'm going to the doctor saturday for the suboxone. My insurance needs a preautherazation to cover it so hopefully not but that may delay me getting the pills? The doctor told me it won't be a big deal last time, we'll see. If you think I can induct on 45 mgs I am not going up, I have already decided that, then I'm ready.

  23. #23
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgcc View Post
    I'm going to the doctor saturday for the suboxone. My insurance needs a preautherazation to cover it so hopefully not but that may delay me getting the pills? The doctor told me it won't be a big deal last time, we'll see. If you think I can induct on 45 mgs I am not going up, I have already decided that, then I'm ready.


    I have inducted a few people at 45mg successfully before, though I obviously prefer to do it at 30mg. The one thing I can't fudge on is you being at a MINIMUM 26 score on that COWS worksheet. Coming off 45mg of methadone it could take you four days to get all that trash out of your system so you don't go into precipitated w/d. 45mg of methadone will linger in your system for some time. You'll likely feel like that if I was in your prescence at that time that you would want to whip my butt! LOL You're going to feel like total hell during the time leading up to the induction, I can assure you of that and won't hold anything back saying it's going to be a piece of cake. But I will tell you that you only have to do this ONCE!!!! If you stick it out with me and go through this period leading up to the induction I GUARANTEE that you'll come out of this in good shape! I have NEVER blown an induction EVER since I've been doing this. So just count on it, you'll have 3-4 days of feeling BADLY coming off that methadone, but once we start the induction on the subs I'll have you feeling like dancing in a matter of a few hours. ONE TIME of hell, that is worth a lifetime of being clean if you make your mind up and stick to it that you won't go back to that damn needle again! This isn't a cure, it's a method to get clean. Then you have to do the real work after that. God bless.
    Last edited by Robert_325; 06-18-2012 at 01:49 PM.
    MP5 likes this.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  24. #24
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    pgcc,

    Robert is so right with what he is telling you! Although I wasn't coming off methadone, I was in quite severe withdrawals before the induction. And Robert promised me that he would have me feeling good in very short order. And he is a man of his word! I did just that!

    I made certain that I was a 26 on that cows chart, actually was at almost 28 because I wanted to make CERTAIN that I was completely ready to induct. When Robert had me take that first dose of sub I almost instantly felt better. Not perfect, but better.

    After about an hour or so he had me take another dose and that was it! Bingo! On my way then to a new life of freedom! You will too! So just do as he tells you to do and this will be your best gift you could EVER give yourself! I mean that sincerely! You will see real soon!

    So just know that I and lots of others here are with you all the way. Please post as often as you can because it REALLY does make a difference to many to see and read how you are doing at all times. Others learn so much and maybe just ONE SINGLE PERSON that is reading will make the decision to change their life. How awesome would that be for them to tell you that they decided to get clean because of your actions???? Blessings.

    Big Hugs,
    Karen
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  25. #25
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Karen, I have not done Subs, but I have been reading here a long time; tried to do Subs at one juncture till I found out what it was going to cost; yikes! Besides what the Dr. said was going to have me start at 20+ and "assured" me that I would not "suffer". ($1000s of dollars later LoL)

    I am far from out of the woods yet (as you know) but our "Taper" support group is such a help. It is 2/3 of another day, and I am still clean. That counts as a miracle for me. Apparently Subs are a great help, taken correctly but I am shocked at the difference of Robert's approach and the all-over-the-map approach of well-meaning Drs. and not so great charlatans.

    Trust Robert pgcc!

  26. #26
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by thalia45 View Post
    Karen, I have not done Subs, but I have been reading here a long time; tried to do Subs at one juncture till I found out what it was going to cost; yikes! Besides what the Dr. said was going to have me start at 20+ and "assured" me that I would not "suffer". ($1000s of dollars later LoL)

    I am far from out of the woods yet (as you know) but our "Taper" support group is such a help. It is 2/3 of another day, and I am still clean. That counts as a miracle for me. Apparently Subs are a great help, taken correctly but I am shocked at the difference of Robert's approach and the all-over-the-map approach of well-meaning Drs. and not so great charlatans.

    Trust Robert pgcc!
    Subs are just another tool to use in the fight against this addiction. They MUST be used the correct way or you could potentially get yourself another addiction! I have excellent insurance, but the doctor would not accept it. He wanted to make a fortune from me. I was NOT going to allow that to happen if I had anything to say about it!

    I paid his $200.00 (I think that is right) office fee and made a plan to get out of there with as many subs as I could get! It worked perfectly and now I won't ever go back to him. Someone else can make his car and home payments for him, but not ME!

    My insurance DID pay for my subs and the co-pay was $20 or $25 dollars I believe. Didn't really care as I knew that (60) - 8mg subs was going to be more than enough to get me clean! Robert's plan is a great one if you follow as he says. Why wouldn't anyone do that if they ask him for help???

    The best to you Thalia....keep improving every single day! Blessings.

    Big Hugs,
    Karen
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  27. #27
    Crystalclear651 is offline Senior Member
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    I hear ya on being competitive in a sport...I excelled at competitive dance n had that addicted personality then, but just a diff thing...I know it prob is freakin u out to b off everything for 4 days so u can induct properly on subs but I can't tell u how important that is!! I've never done methadone but was taking some heavy duty opiates my first time around in subs, I waited like 30 hrs n thought based on the time schedule I was good to start Subs...man was I WRONG. Precipitated wds SUCK n linger n I can't tell u enough to make sure ur cows score is HONESTLY high enough. Like Robert says, u only have to do this ONCE. Think about that n don't get discouraged. U are a bright young guy with a big future so in the scheme of things what's 4 or so days? Make sure u can block of that time for yourself so u can just focus on u n ur recovery. This time around (2nd time) I was so scared to go into precipitated wds I waited 3 days, n that was off reg long acting opiates...Im just trying to stress to u since uv never taken subs to follow Roberts plan n you will be feeling sooo much better I can't tell u . hang in there bud, keep ur spirits up n grab that competitive edge u have inside u n use it for ur advantage this time...glad ur still posting n I look forward to hearing another success story.

    Quote Originally Posted by pgcc View Post
    I didn't mean that mean just that I will get better results telling the truth. How can I get help if I'm lying. I got through today without using anything but my 45mgs of meth so thats good. I'm praying I can handle things until my dose stabalizes. I'll tell you one thing I'm done with dope, done. Maybe I shouldn't say that but I am so f'in disgusted even if someone handed me some I would flush it right now. I know addiction is cunning and I can feel like that now and totally different tomorrow but right now I don't want to see the ????. What a stupid move I made but I can only deal with it now its done, I can only hope for the best. I just have to pray I can execute this plan. My other problem is getting the law school to defer the scholorship for a year, I'm not gonna be ready to go in August, no way, definitly not now. Like I said my best idea was to use my hep c as a reason to defer, usually they can't turn down a legit medical reason, I know its deceptive but i'm trying to save my life and my intentions are good. I want to go to law school just when I can function at the level I know I'm capeable of and this fall would not be that. I would have to move, get off meth, switch to suboxone, find a place to live, and then study constantly to stay competitive all in the next two months. I have to be honest I am not ready for this, I can barely get out of bed. However, I know in a year I'll be ready and if off the meth and by then off everything I know I can excel. I graduated college 2 in my class with a 3.98 gpa, not to sound arrogent just that when I put my mind to something I usually do extremly well. Problem is I have no middle ground I either excel or crash and burn there is no in between with me, I've been like this since I was a child. I lived on the tennis court from like age 8 till 17, did great played in college another example of doing something to extreme I would be doing sprints in the dark on the courts. I guess that my addictive behavior, when put towards positive things its good but when the drugs got introduced that became my new obsesion and I went at that just as hard. Thanks again. Tomorrow is a new day, one day at a time, thats my only hope.

  28. #28
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Hope you're doing o.k. today. Give an update when you can. Just wanted to stop in and offer an encouraging word to you.

    Peace,

    Iloerose

  29. #29
    pgcc is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by iloerose View Post
    Hope you're doing o.k. today. Give an update when you can. Just wanted to stop in and offer an encouraging word to you.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    Thanks to everyone, I didn't think an internet support group could be helpful but this one really has. I have stayed on 45 and am again stable, I got through the rough part and came out thank god and with help from all of you. I am going to switch to suboxone with Robert's help as soon as I have the pills. I'm not looking forward to 4 days of feeling sick but if it gets me clean and puts my life on track which will go a real long way to getting me out of this depression it will be more than worth it
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  30. #30
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Hang tough! You are definitely making the right decision. Robert know what he's doing. Nobody looks forward to being sick, but there is the other side to think of and like he said: you only have to do this once. He will get you clean. Take care.

    Iloerose

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