[racinmason001]

I think the last time I posted was about stomach problems. Turned out to be some kind of virus it passed. I am far from ok though! I slipped up a couple weeks ago and took some norco's not enough to get physically dependant again just enough to really screw my mind up! I had no cravings before this but now I find myself craving everyday! I have no work my kids want all this exspensive ******************** for christmas and I cannot get it! I AM STRESSED TO THE MAX!!!!!!! I feel like I'm going mad!!! I have thought about going back to my suboxone doc but I fear my marriage will be over if I do and all that will do is make me the heartless pr**k I was trying to get away from. I guess I just screwed up again like always and now looking for the easy way out! I'm not hunting for anything yet but I know this monster always gets the best of me!

[melinda7.5]

Originally Posted by racinmason001

I think the last time I posted was about stomach problems. Turned out to be some kind of virus it passed. I am far from ok though! I slipped up a couple weeks ago and took some norco's not enough to get physically dependant again just enough to really screw my mind up! I had no cravings before this but now I find myself craving everyday! I have no work my kids want all this exspensive ******************** for christmas and I cannot get it! I AM STRESSED TO THE MAX!!!!!!! I feel like I'm going mad!!! I have thought about going back to my suboxone doc but I fear my marriage will be over if I do and all that will do is make me the heartless pr**k I was trying to get away from. I guess I just screwed up again like always and now looking for the easy way out! I'm not hunting for anything yet but I know this monster always gets the best of me!

Hi racinmason
I'm glad the stomach problems passed.and I'm really sorry that you had a slip up.just try to remember all the bad things they have done to you.just thinking about all the money I spent on them is enough to make me stay away from them.LOL.Im sorry about your job,is there any way to just get one for x-mas or just tell the kids you have to cut down this year.I know easier said than done.My kids love x-mas so its really hard to say that.I know...
But you can only do what you can do.then you just have to let it go...
Be strong and be true to yourself.you don't want to go back their.Its such a nightmare.Please try and remember that.I will be praying for you and if we can do anything please let us know.
Talk to you soon and have a good night, Melinda

[IllMissMyNorcos]

Originally Posted by racinmason001

I think the last time I posted was about stomach problems. Turned out to be some kind of virus it passed. I am far from ok though! I slipped up a couple weeks ago and took some norco's not enough to get physically dependant again just enough to really screw my mind up! I had no cravings before this but now I find myself craving everyday! I have no work my kids want all this exspensive ******************** for christmas and I cannot get it! I AM STRESSED TO THE MAX!!!!!!! I feel like I'm going mad!!! I have thought about going back to my suboxone doc but I fear my marriage will be over if I do and all that will do is make me the heartless pr**k I was trying to get away from. I guess I just screwed up again like always and now looking for the easy way out! I'm not hunting for anything yet but I know this monster always gets the best of me!

A sober clean and real mom is better than any present. All babies and kids know that.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by racinmason001

I think the last time I posted was about stomach problems. Turned out to be some kind of virus it passed. I am far from ok though! I slipped up a couple weeks ago and took some norco's not enough to get physically dependant again just enough to really screw my mind up! I had no cravings before this but now I find myself craving everyday! I have no work my kids want all this exspensive ******************** for christmas and I cannot get it! I AM STRESSED TO THE MAX!!!!!!! I feel like I'm going mad!!! I have thought about going back to my suboxone doc but I fear my marriage will be over if I do and all that will do is make me the heartless pr**k I was trying to get away from. I guess I just screwed up again like always and now looking for the easy way out! I'm not hunting for anything yet but I know this monster always gets the best of me!

Try to get a grip on your emotions. This isn't getting you any place positive freaking out. I know you feel cornered/trapped right now but if you don't use again you will get past this. Remember that NO problem gets better by using. The problem is still there when the buzz wears off and if you are like me we usually make things worse while we are high.

Just because the monster has always gotten the best of you in the past doesn't mean you have to do a repeat. That only happens when you make the choice to repeat the identical reaction by using. You don't have to do that, you do have a choice. Use your head and do what you know is the smart thing to do. Using doesn't fix anything. We can't expect things to change unless we change our self first. God bless.

[Sue13]

Robert_325, who the heck are you?? You show up with the most helpful and comprehensive advice I have seen. (Thanks for mine!)

New to this site but glad I am here,
Sue

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by Sue13

Robert_325, who the heck are you?? You show up with the most helpful and comprehensive advice I have seen. (Thanks for mine!)

New to this site but glad I am here,
Sue

Hi Sue ... I am just someone with a lot of experience learning things the hard way. I try to share with others so they might not have to go through everything that I went through. Hopefully it helps. God bless.

[icandoitin08]

The thing with Christmas presents is this, they end up getting pushed aside after a while. Kids focus on 4 toys. They may stray but usually end up going back to their favorites. I don't know how old your kids are though. Mine are 6 and 10. This year i explained the true meaning of Christmas is not presents it is to celebrate the birth of Jesus. We are going to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. Don't get me wrong, they are going to get presents but not to the extent that it drains us. My hubby is laid off work so we are not well off right now. I was using norcos too. All that did was kill us. If I would have spent the money on bills and such we would be so much farther ahead.

You can do this, please be positive. If you go back to using things will get worse. Your kids need you to be clean.

Please keep us updated.

[racinmason001]

Thank you all! I am still trying! I guess thats all I can say at this point!

[icandoitin08]

Originally Posted by racinmason001

Thank you all! I am still trying! I guess thats all I can say at this point!

You got it! You can make up for things down the road when your finances are back on track. Dont let Christmas and all that goes with it stress you out. Getting clean is the best gift you can give to your family!

Take care, Keep posting

[Sue13]

Racinmason001, This is not a race; anyone who gets to the finish line wins! So keep going along.

Robert, you have helped (obviously!) so many here, and knowing that I have your help is unquantifiable in my book.

Thanks, Sue

[sisterwin2]

Hey Racin

Just a thought. Are you going to NA/AA meetings? have you put a support system in place? Have you done anything different this time or just use the sub to detox?

Is this a "fight" that you do alone..... depending on self to not use?

I tried "not useing" and didnt change much else in my life.... didnt work. It seems that we addicts keep going down the same road, only change is not to pick up, not look at what causes us to use in the first place. This way failed for me over and over.

What I chose to do different this time is look at what others have done with success. I find this in 12 step programs. I find working the steps have shown me what created the addict in me. It is a three fold process..... fixing one leaves the others untouched. Only to go down the same path in the same ending. Using dope again.

Maybe do something different this time Racin, giving it over to a higher power greater then yourself. As you see "yourself" has failed.

God speed my friend,
Sister.

[racinmason001]

Originally Posted by sisterwin2

Hey Racin

Just a thought. Are you going to NA/AA meetings? have you put a support system in place? Have you done anything different this time or just use the sub to detox?

Is this a "fight" that you do alone..... depending on self to not use?

I tried "not useing" and didnt change much else in my life.... didnt work. It seems that we addicts keep going down the same road, only change is not to pick up, not look at what causes us to use in the first place. This way failed for me over and over.

What I chose to do different this time is look at what others have done with success. I find this in 12 step programs. I find working the steps have shown me what created the addict in me. It is a three fold process..... fixing one leaves the others untouched. Only to go down the same path in the same ending. Using dope again.

Maybe do something different this time Racin, giving it over to a higher power greater then yourself. As you see "yourself" has failed.

God speed my friend,
Sister.

Yes this is a fight I do myself. I don't go to NA because my wife doesn't want me to and I haven't figured out how to change her mind. Yes I do find myself going down the same path the only thing holding me back is the threat of losing my wife and kids. I find myself thinking are these threats empty because of all threats in the past or is she serious this time? Its like holding a gun to your head to see if it will go off this time you pull the trigger.