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Just stressed, not sure what to do or how to feel. fight to stay off meds
  1. #1
    c-baby is offline New Member
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    Default Just stressed, not sure what to do or how to feel. fight to stay off meds

    My family and I are in the middle of a move. I am going back to school starting in January. We currently live in oklahoma, but we are moving to Texas. Mack, my husband works in a heart transplant hospital in oklahoma. It is very hard for him to just up and move. And he will not be able to move for atleast a year. This will mean that our relationship will be long distance. Plus he is going back to school himself in a year. He has been accepted to four colleges. One in Florida, North Carolina, Texas, and the last one is in Arizona. The collage that accepted me is in Texas. It is a great school and i cant wait to begin my studies to be a PA. But mack is not sure which one he is going to accept, but im pretty sure he has ruled out the one in texas. He has been accepted to some of the top medical schools in the US. It will be fully paid for. So he wants to pick the absolute best one there is. And i do not blame him. I want him to go to the best one that there is, because he is so smart. He deserves every bit of it. But if he chooses one that is not in texas, this means our long distance relationship will be even longer. Neither of us has ever done a long distance relationship before and to be honest, im terrified. I am so scared that us being that far apart is going to strain our relationship. Granted, it will not be permanent. It will only be a four year long separtation, and we will get to visit each other some, but not much. Im about a week away from moving to texas and im getting very nervous. I dont know how to be without mack. Our daughter, Summer, is getting very sad about leaving also, and i do not blame her. All of this added stress is making me want to go back to the pills. I know its not the right thing to do. But sometimes i get so stressed out by this that i come very close to doing just that. If i start again, they may kill me this time. But i dont know if i can take all of the stress from this without having something to cope with them... UGH! help please...

  2. #2
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    C-baby, how long Have you been clean? One thing you are doing right is talking about it, once verbalized it loses it's power. Do you go to meetings? if not STRONGLY suggest NA you need a support system ,go to a meeting please Surfdog
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  3. #3
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Take some pills and the problem will still be there, only it will be worse because you'll be dealing with the pills too! You can figure this one out on your own easily. God bless.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  4. #4
    c-baby is offline New Member
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    It will be 6 months on the 25th since I stopped using. It is a daily battle. I have been able to focus on my daughter and work a lot to get me through it these few months. But this move is getting me. I have came so close today to using again. And it irritates me because I thought I had this under control.

  5. #5
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    You need to get a grip on this if you're going to be doing this for four years! Your marriage and future will be shot if you don't! You have everything in the world going for you! You going to blow it all over a pill? I surely hope not. Do you have ANY idea how many people would cut their arm off to trade places with you? Get it together, this is acting like a kid! God bless.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  6. #6
    c-baby is offline New Member
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    Its not acting like a kid. Addiction is a serious problem and its a battle for many people, not just me. You don't know me, so how can you judge me. You also don't know everything about my life and what I have to deal with each day. So to say that people would cut off their arm to have what I have was wrong of you because you don't know. I posted on here to have support throgh this, not to have someone jump me and tell me how stupid I am.

  7. #7
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    c baby no one is saying your stupid. Sound like you are craving badly. We all have things to deal with on a daily basis it is how we deal with them that counts and eating pills is not dealing with anything, it is avoiding the issue. If you are going to be a PA how are you going to handle it when people die and you will see them die, if you are this stressed. and wanting to use now. And you will be able to write RX. In my profession I saw more than I can count die and it isn't easy but it comes with territory.
    Again are you going to meetings and working the steps, do you have a sponsor? My guess would be no. Robert nor I are judging you just telling you straight up, you are setting yourself up to use and then be a victim.
    Go to a meeting! Good Luck Surfdog
    Last edited by surfdog; 05-23-2012 at 07:36 PM.
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  8. #8
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    I don't like to sound mean but we are talking about people here that are professionals in the medical community! I tell it like it is. Sorry if that hurts anyone's feelings but that is the way addiction is. I won't tell someone who is going to have other people's lives in their hands that "it's okay, don't worry, just do the best you can." Life is more serious than that and a person that deals with life and death needs to be able to hear reality. You said it perfectly Dog! God bless.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  9. #9
    ClassiqueMom is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by c-baby View Post
    ...is making me want to go back to the pills. I know its not the right thing to do.

    Then DON'T do it!

    But sometimes i get so stressed out by this that i come very close to doing just that. If i start again, they may kill me this time.

    And yet, you would STILL consider turning to the pills?


    But i dont know if i can take all of the stress from this without having something to cope with them ... UGH! help please...

    c-baby.. i promise you, the pills will NOT help you cope with them... i think you know that already!!

    let it all out.. vent! but DON'T use!

    Praying for you
    Classique MoM


    and p.s. .. you gotta take all of this one day at a time!
    that's not just 'a saying' it's a way to live! wishing you allll the best!
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  10. #10
    c-baby is offline New Member
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    You are all right. Robert I do owe you an apology. I know you tell it like it is. And that's a good thing. You help a lot of people on here. Yes, at one point I did have a sponsor. I went to all the meetings. I stopped about a month and a half ago. For the record, I didn't use. And I'm not going too. I just had a hard day today. Lost a close friend in a car crash. That immediately made me want to use, which is when I wrote that. Didn't take me long to come back to my senses. I'm not using and even though I have those days where it crosses my mind, I will never go back to those times. Summer deserves better than that

  11. #11
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by c-baby View Post
    You are all right. Robert I do owe you an apology. I know you tell it like it is. And that's a good thing. You help a lot of people on here. Yes, at one point I did have a sponsor. I went to all the meetings. I stopped about a month and a half ago. For the record, I didn't use. And I'm not going too. I just had a hard day today. Lost a close friend in a car crash. That immediately made me want to use, which is when I wrote that. Didn't take me long to come back to my senses. I'm not using and even though I have those days where it crosses my mind, I will never go back to those times. Summer deserves better than that


    It's okay, and I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't take things personally. Addiction makes one emotionally volatile and it's taken me years not to blow up at people. I used to have a pretty bad reputation on here for arguing and fussing with everyone, and I had five years clean! So I understand that all this is tough, but we have to keep things real or we're not making progress in our recovery. I have no hard feelings and if there is anything that I can do to help you let me know.

    The thing that made the difference for me ultimately was my faith. I was clean but still a scumbag until about five years ago when I gave it all to Christ. Not trying to preach, but it's tough to want to bring glory to Him and hurt people intentionally at the same time. I only wish the best for you. God bless.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  12. #12
    c-baby is offline New Member
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    Thank you! Conversation is what I need sometimes. My daughter is very young. So what she does talk about is not anything important. Lol. Sometimes I need adult talk. Mack doesn't understand any of this because he has never been or known an addict before me. He gets very irritated when I say I'm having a hard day or I had a thought about using. Which I don't blame him. It is very hard not using. Most of the time its not even because I want it. But the ritual of it. I used first thing in the morning, when I was upset, and at regular times during the day. Sometimes I find myself going to the place where I kept the drugs. Not because I actually want to use, but because that was a known habit for me for so long.

  13. #13
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    C-baby sometimes life deals us a lousy hand, sorry for your loss. Get a solid program going. I'm sure Mack doesn't understand and he will not understand after Med School. Most docs receive 2hrs training on addiction while in medical school,nurses and PAs even less if any at all. Have worked with trained psychiatrists that had 20 years of practice that could not recognize wds. You may be the only link to survival some pts have. That is why, if you stick to this profession choice,it is so important for you to have a solid program undertand the 12 steps and sponsors importance. Consider it part of your training. As a doc I was in practice used to say " make the hard choice,it usually the right choice" God Bl;ess Surfdog

  14. #14
    c-baby is offline New Member
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    Thanks. Going back to meetings starting today. Meets on Tuesday and Thursday at 3:30. I'm going regularly from now on. They help me stay on top of this. Come to think of it, I really don't know why I stopped to begin with
    ARTIST658 likes this.

  15. #15
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by c-baby View Post
    Thanks. Going back to meetings starting today. Meets on Tuesday and Thursday at 3:30. I'm going regularly from now on. They help me stay on top of this. Come to think of it, I really don't know why I stopped to begin with
    Your strongest "tool" to fight this disease is your 12-step program. Try to view the meetings as your "medicine" - an essential to your day, and not merely an option, 'when you feel like it.' Early on, I urge every newcomer to attend daily meetings and get hooked up with a strong sponsor who will get you INTO the steps as soon as possible.

    The actual PROGRAM of these groups is the 12 STEPS - not just the meetings. The 12 steps are basically a common-sense tool for an addict to do some essential self-reflection, to rid themselves of the behaviors and attitudes that kept them sick in their addiction, and find more healthy means to cope with life, without a drink or drug.

    The meetings are essential as well, as fellowship with others who are walking a similar journey. As addicts, we often tend to isolate - and that is risky behavior when we're trying to stay clean. But until we learn how to incorporate the 12 steps into our day-to-day life, we're on shaky ground in recovery.

    If you are serious about staying clean, take your meetings and program seriously. This is a life-or-death disease you are fighting, and it's about as devious as they come. It's a disease that will tell you that you don't have a disease. It will tell you that "just one pill" won't really matter. The disease is never cured; it is a part of us for life. And it takes ahold of us wherever we have a weakness. As I said, your best weapon is a strong 12-step program.

    God bless,
    Ruth

    PS Surfdog is right - you may be the best lesson your hubby gets about the power of the disease of addiction. Our medical professionals are woefully misguided about his disease, and you can change the lives of countless others, once you get firmly into recovery. God bless.

    You will know the truth - and only the truth can set you free.

  16. #16
    c-baby is offline New Member
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    Celebrate recovery. It is a twelve step program help in different places all over the u.s. we have a very strong group here where I live. I will be attending regularly. I am serious about staying clean. It has already been 6 months. I'm not going back. I have to take care of my daughter. She deserves to have a healthy mommy. She is my reason for getting clean and staying that way

  17. #17
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Cbaby get cleanfor you and your daughter reaps the benefits. Hang in there you can do this.Please rememeber a craving g lasts about 6 seconds and will pass.When you verbalize it it loses its. Power GodBless Surfdog

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