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I'm ready to quit!
  1. #1
    rxqueen83 is offline Member
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    Default I'm ready to quit!

    I am so sick of taking sub. The taste, the appointments every month, counting pills, cutting doses, feeling lousy when I miss doses, having people look at me like I'm a scum bag because I'm pregnant and on Subutex. I'm SO ready to quit. I have been on ORT for 4 years. First was about two years of methadone and the remainder has been Subutex. I did Roberts taper until I got down to 1 mg. It took me forever to get to .25 mg and I got stuck there for almost two months now. Some days I take more like .5 mg and I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels in the mud. I'm sick of it. I'm thankful to methadone, I'm thankful to subutex, but I'm ready to put this behind me NOW. I don't want to taper anymore. The first symptom I get is the runs and my stomach goes to knots. I don't think I can take another two or three weeks of it and then actually jump off to get them even worse. I want to be done.

    I think I have everything I need. I haven't had a relapse in 3 years this past April. I want to deliver my baby and be able to say "I don't take ANY medication" for the first time in my life. I came off Xanax when I found out I was pregnant with my son and now I'm ready to say goodbye to Sub. I don't want my son to be born an addict. I'm just so tired of all of it. Sub also affects my sex drive and it makes me SOOOOOO tired. I thought I had sleep apnea but really I think it's the methadone and sub that have made me so tired. I noticed when I got my dose really low I'm much more AWAKE and my sleep quality is better. I have a supportive family, partner, good job, clean friends, a beautiful daughter and a son on the way. I'm not scared anymore. Most important I have a loving, caring relationship with a God of my understanding.

    I've been sick before. I can deal with it again. I went from 160mg of methadone to 30mg in a month and then to 0mg for a week before starting sub. I know I can do this. I'm ready. I will continue to post here and keep you updated on my symptoms. I just took .25mg and that will be my last dose. What stinks is I really can't take anything cause I'm pregnant to help with symptoms but I do have some acid reducer, tylenol, Immodium (if I really need it) and I have some Trazadone & Xanax kicking around from old scripts if things get unbearable. Wish me luck my friends...like Kellen says, "Bayonet Charge Style".
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  2. #2
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    rxqueen ..... I would be happy to help you finish off the subutex, especially with you being pregnant. I've done this with lots of pregnant girls successfully. How far along are you if I may ask? This dose you're at sounds small, but you really should taper lower before stopping abruptly. I suggest tapering a little more, then doing the day skipping process. Makes this all easier on both you and the baby. It's your call, but I'm here if I can help. God bless.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  3. #3
    rxqueen83 is offline Member
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    Hi Robert,
    I am 28 weeks along. Yes my dose is pretty low, and it got lower for a few days too. My boyfriend saw me shaking like a leaf and whipped out an 8 MG pill he had "put aside for me". He was just trying to help, but he doesn't understand, I have to feel some pain and discomfort to get through this. At times like that I have no will power and I took close to 3 MG cause I felt bad? Right now I'm still convinced I should just quit. I don't think I can deal with the ongoing nausea and bowel problems. It continued through tapering and is going to continue through jumping too. I just want it over with. I can't deal with it anymore. But I DO appreciate your support and generous offer. I'll still want and need yours and everyone's support. I'm also one of those people that believes "no pain, no gain". I need to sweat a little and get a little sick to make me a stronger person. LOL, a junkie that "WANTS" to be sick

    Today is my first day. Obviously I feel nothing. I will keep posting Congrats on your two years clean.
    Last edited by ddcmod; 06-09-2012 at 05:36 PM.
    Comeback Kid and thalia45 like this.

  4. #4
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    I'll be on and off if you need anything, but it's TEN years clean, not two! lol God bless.
    Last edited by ddcmod; 06-09-2012 at 05:35 PM.
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    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  5. #5
    rxqueen83 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robert_325 View Post
    I'll be on and off if you need anything, but it's TEN years clean, not two! lol God bless.
    Haha! I meant 10 years! That's a lousy typo! And today is your birthday correct? Happy Birthday! A fellow Gemini. I caved yesterday and took 1 mg. I've taken the same today. I don't know why I'm such a baby when it comes to this. Ever since I got below 2 mg I'm constantly battling with temptation to take more. And why, I don't even get high! It's stupid really. I can be strong, but just as weak. This is why I keep saying I should just quit. Flush the pills and quit. At this point I guess I should taper, AGAIN and get myself back down to .25 mg by reducing 25% every four days. I'm so angry at myself for being such a wimp sometimes.
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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by rxqueen83 View Post
    Haha! I meant 10 years! That's a lousy typo! And today is your birthday correct? Happy Birthday! A fellow Gemini. I caved yesterday and took 1 mg. I've taken the same today. I don't know why I'm such a baby when it comes to this. Ever since I got below 2 mg I'm constantly battling with temptation to take more. And why, I don't even get high! It's stupid really. I can be strong, but just as weak. This is why I keep saying I should just quit. Flush the pills and quit. At this point I guess I should taper, AGAIN and get myself back down to .25 mg by reducing 25% every four days. I'm so angry at myself for being such a wimp sometimes.
    yup...proper taper with subs is the best...you probably know that.
    not a race. i understand wanting to jump but your success chances are better w/the proper taper!
    Good luck!
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  7. #7
    rxqueen83 is offline Member
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    Today's day THREE on one mg. I feel no symptoms. I think I might go down to .75 mg tommorow. Tommorow's my bday! I'll be 29. I wish I had a taper buddy??? Any takers?

  8. #8
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by rxqueen83 View Post
    Today's day THREE on one mg. I feel no symptoms. I think I might go down to .75 mg tommorow. Tommorow's my bday! I'll be 29. I wish I had a taper buddy??? Any takers?


    Happy Birthday a day early! Congrats on the three days, every day is a miracle at this point. Just don't use and life will get better every day. Hang in there. God bless.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  9. #9
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by rxqueen83 View Post
    Today's day THREE on one mg. I feel no symptoms. I think I might go down to .75 mg tommorow. Tommorow's my bday! I'll be 29. I wish I had a taper buddy??? Any takers?
    While I am not technically tapering, I am on Day 2 (off everything) and it feels like tapering-no energy, emotions all over the place, physical weirdness (a lot of cramping) but I am trying to take the supplements in the Thomas recipe; in short, I wish you well and am glad to have a friend through some uncomfortable days.

    No advice; just friendship and support. Btw. my birthday too: 67. Glad I will (hopefully) get through it clean.
    Last edited by thalia45; 06-12-2012 at 11:08 AM.

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    Hi Rx, tomorrow is my birthday too, mine is the 23rd anniversary of my 29th, lol, oh and my 30th day without the pills. Mine was easier, just norco, so have no experience with what you are going through. Just stay strong, we are all rooting for you. Your 30th day will be here before you know it. I won't say that your 23rd 29th birthday will also, that is just too depressing right? Think about how what you are doing now is going to help you be healthy and around for your grandkids. You get to have more fun as a grandma

  11. #11
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Hmmm, a lot of June 13ths....

    It will be a good day for me, I think, and I hope for all of us.

  12. #12
    rxqueen83 is offline Member
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    Hi Thalia45,
    I've seen your posts on the forum a lot lately. Hydro correct? I'm glad to hear your doing it like that. When I was youngER and stupidER I went to METHADONE for a hydro addiction! What a BAD, BAD idea. If you can imagine, now about 5 years later, I'm battling to get off sub, which got me off methadone, which got me off HYDRO. Sheesh. What a process. I wish I'd been smart and done it your way. You say "off everything". What else are you quitting? Cramping...try Immodium?

  13. #13
    rxqueen83 is offline Member
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    Hey Hopeful!
    13 is a lucky number to some, and unlucky to others. BUT, we all know we're the coolest
    GRANDMA?!?!? Egads woman, I'm 29! My daughter is 4. She'd better not come home pregnant till she's 30 or i'll beat her. LOL. Although I am getting gray hairs already...

  14. #14
    rxqueen83 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by HopefulnHouston View Post
    Hi Rx, tomorrow is my birthday too, mine is the 23rd anniversary of my 29th, lol, oh and my 30th day without the pills. Mine was easier, just norco, so have no experience with what you are going through. Just stay strong, we are all rooting for you. Your 30th day will be here before you know it. I won't say that your 23rd 29th birthday will also, that is just too depressing right? Think about how what you are doing now is going to help you be healthy and around for your grandkids. You get to have more fun as a grandma
    Hopeful. 30 days is awesome! As far as your experience and mine, it's all the same addicting, mind numbing, useless garbage IMHO Thanks for visiting me ladies.

  15. #15
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by rxqueen83 View Post
    Hi Thalia45,
    I've seen your posts on the forum a lot lately. Hydro correct? I'm glad to hear your doing it like that. When I was youngER and stupidER I went to METHADONE for a hydro addiction! What a BAD, BAD idea. If you can imagine, now about 5 years later, I'm battling to get off sub, which got me off methadone, which got me off HYDRO. Sheesh. What a process. I wish I'd been smart and done it your way. You say "off everything". What else are you quitting? Cramping...try Immodium?
    The thing that usually helps with the cramps is the wonderful Electrolyte combo from WholeFoods, however , I seem to need to "walk it off + the supplement" so a lot of pacing around the living room this morning.

    As far as "smart", I think there are about 99% of the people here who would say I have done NOTHING right, and I would agree. My life has been a morass of believing/not believing that I was an addict; I have no doubt at all: I am an addict-to many things. Frankly the only thing I seem to have stopped is coffee, and sweets (mostly, I am sure, due to everything else that has gone on). I hope I don't redevelop those addictions!

    Thanks so much for your post; I need something upbeat right now. I was ready to cancel ANY plans for a birthday "ANYTHING' tomorrow, but my bf (who already gave me a beautiful Sante Fe easel), wants to take me to dinner; his decision, and who am I to mope through what should be a great evening.

    Good luck to you with the Sub stuff; I tried at one point to get on that, but between two Drs. assessments, plus all the posts here I decided to not do it. Wrong? Right? I don't know. All I know right now is that I feel a whole lot better than I did a week ago.

    I've bookmarked your thread and will watch and wish you well. This stuff is so complicated and difficult, but there are a lot of people here who know about Subs who can help. All I can do is give you cyber hugs!

  16. #16
    rxqueen83 is offline Member
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    Hey Thalia,
    I just got done reading your other thread. Funny you mentioned what you did. You know, they were a little rough on you, BUT...they did it cause they care. Nobody can see through us like another addict can. When I read Roberts first post to you; my eyes watered. I remembered something my sponsor said to me quite similar. If they didn't care; they wouldn't have put all the effort into it. I know, the "old birds" can peck real hard, but they can show you a lot about finding the worms. Stay with it mate. Those are good people. And so are you! You and I have something in common. We're Gemini's. And boy can we SLING the BS faster and stronger then anyone! Only someone who has been there and done that could call us out on our carp.
    Strong Desire likes this.

  17. #17
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by rxqueen83 View Post
    Hey Thalia,
    I just got done reading your other thread. Funny you mentioned what you did. You know, they were a little rough on you, BUT...they did it cause they care. Nobody can see through us like another addict can. When I read Roberts first post to you; my eyes watered. I remembered something my sponsor said to me quite similar. If they didn't care; they wouldn't have put all the effort into it. I know, the "old birds" can peck real hard, but they can show you a lot about finding the worms. Stay with it mate. Those are good people. And so are you! You and I have something in common. We're Gemini's. And boy can we SLING the BS faster and stronger then anyone! Only someone who has been there and done that could call us out on our carp.
    "our carp"? Don't you love what word "supplier" does to us?

    Yes, I said, (somewhere) that I have gotten a lot of help from the "bleeding deacons" as they were called where I lived before. I am sure they saved my life many times.

    Anyway, on Day 2 (last Valium) I am just trying to do better EVERY MINUTE. Addiction has stolen most of my life, and I have been too weak (supply any other word) to stop it. I don't have a lot of life left, and I would like to end, feeling I have done the best I can, and with humblest apologies to those I have hurt along the way.

    Here's to a "clean" birthday.

  18. #18
    rxqueen83 is offline Member
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    I actually write the word "carp" in for the other word, cause the forum auto blocks it! They don't allow a lot of those kind of words here! Valium huh? I only took that three or four times. Are you doing it CT? Be careful, that's a benzo as you probably know. Does your Doc know your quitting the Valium? I've been through both opiate and benzo w/d, one time BOTH at once. I would say (not to discourage you), benzo w/d takes the cake at being the worst! Valium has the longest half life too. Yuckies.

  19. #19
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by rxqueen83 View Post
    Today's day THREE on one mg. I feel no symptoms. I think I might go down to .75 mg tommorow. Tommorow's my bday! I'll be 29. I wish I had a taper buddy??? Any takers?

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY RXQUEEN!

    I am wishing for you to have the best day possible today! Please treat yourself to some fun today. Do something just for you! Happy Birthday girl....and many more!

    Big Hugs,
    Karen

  20. #20
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    Happy Birthday RxQ, so far you are the baby of the 6/13 club unless there are more here hiding......lol

    Enjoy your day, we are glad you're here!

    Deb

  21. #21
    PatrickB is offline Member
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    You're doing great and you're so close to the finish line, keep up the positive attitude =) Oh and Happy Birthday!

    Patrick

  22. #22
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    i ONLY just noticed it was ur bday too...sooo many today. crazy.
    i was following the two of u on the other thread. ur doing great. v.cool that u'll have eachother.
    anywho...happy birthday!

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