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I'm 49 and have been doing different types of drugs since age 15. I consider myself successful. I have my own business with great employees. During this run on Roxy's, I have relied on my staff tremendously and i'm thankful that I have them.
I was addicted last year on Roxy and then on December 17th, I stopped not only Roxy but all drugs. About three months later, I tore a muscle in my rotator cuff and took Roxy to help with the pain. Now once again, i'm hooked. I tried to go off about two weeks ago but couldn't take all of the side effects and continued back. Now i'm ready again to try and have decided to start next Thursday (16th). It will allow me two days off from work and then the weekend and i'm hoping by Monday, the major effects of withdrawal have slowed down or diminished.
I'm fearful to do this but know it's best. I was so much happier in the three months being clean. I'm smart enough to realize i'm down the wrong path and need to be clean. My wife is an amazing person and is my biggest supporter to do whatever is needed to either stay on or go off. We have honest conversations and we both agree, i'm a much better person without the drugs. She will be there for me on Thursday and beyond and be great in having someone to go through this with.
I have Suboxin and think that will be best with getting some kind of relief in getting off these. As I said, I've done many drugs in my life but this is a rough one. If anyone has suggestions on making this simplier, it would definately be appreciated.
Besides the support of my wife, I would love the support of anyone out there that has been in my shoes and has been able to kick the habbit. I'm scared but at the same time, determined. Although the momentary high is great, everything else sucks and it's not the way I can continue to live my life. I'm just wasting the days and my life is determined on when I can get the next pill.
I've never spoken to anyone other than my wife and mother about my addiction and feel this thread could be a good outlet. I'm all ears for anyone that wants to throw in their 2 cents.
Thanks for listening.
Welcome! Congrats on making the decision to live your life without pills. It really is better! I'm almost at 6 months off of oxycodone (about 90 mg/day habit on and off for 4 years). There are days where I still sometimes have fleeting thoughts about what I liked about the pills. The momentary (and in the end, it really was only momentary) good feelings, relaxation, etc. But what's changed for me this time is instead of letting those thoughts consume my head, I quickly remember all of the BAD parts of being an addict that led me to want to quit. As an old timer on here, Ruth, once said....she always thinks beyond that 1 pill to the nightmare that lays ahead. As you saw having put together 3 months clean....it really IS a better life. Life for me is just so different now. The sad fact is that even at 6 months out, I'm still dealing with the financial fall-out of what I've done. But on the other hand it's a constant reminder of why I can never go back.
Right now you know what you need to do. Get through the first part of WD....the physical pains and the low motivation/energy. If you can exercise, do it. For me it was just taking 1 or 2 walks a day with my Ipod on. That 30-45 minutes that i was walking was the best I felt during those days. Listen to whatever music you like, often and loudly! Get outside as much as you can. All that will help with your endorphin level coming back. Drink lots of water. And just know that it will pass.
Keep posting on here and you'll find that you'll get alot of support and it is great to track your progress. I still go back now and then and re-read my posts from my first days....and it makes me so happy that I never have to live through that again!
I didn't know what to expect out of this forum but it's nice to know there are people that care and have gone through this experience here. Sharing how I'm feeling will help me greatly with getting through. I wish I could start tomorrow but I need to plan my down days appropriately. Although I can relate with the good parts that Moon spoke about, I feel I'm living just for the next pill and I don't want to do anything else. I feel I'm frozen in time and have stopped doing anything productive.
I could use some help on recommendations with going off. As I said earlier, I have Suboxone and it worked for me the first time but I've also seen some posts that recommend not using it so I'm a little confused with that.
As with anyone that has gone through the withdrawals, I wish to minimalize it so maybe some of you have ideas.
I'm excited to make this initiative but extremely scared at the same time. I know I can do it and will fight every demon in me to stop living this way of life.
Thanks again for listening and helping.
Give all the info you care to share. Like how many mg's of what per day? Overall health condition? Exercise at all? Anything you can give will help everyone to help you my friend. Hang in there and know you CAN do this. It will be the very best gift you could EVER give yourself!
Originally Posted by scdeveloper
Right now I take about 5-7 roxy's a day. I'm usually in great physical condition but due to the pills, I haven't had the motivation to work out in at least a couple of months. Exercise/Gym used to be the main thing in my life that would keep me feeling good about myself. Other than that, I'm in good shape (6 ft, 175lbs) and eat pretty healthy. Although I'm 49, I look and feel in my thirties.
For at least the last couple of weeks, I haven't wanted to leave the house and as I said previously, just wait until the next pill. Those that know me would be shocked to read what I have written.
But there is no hiding who I am ... I'm an addict. Not just of roxy but other drugs too but Roxy is the only drug I have encountered where I feel I have no control. That's what makes it so scary to me; I don't lose control often and a little blue pill has taken over my life and is getting the best of me. The withdrawals are so strong too so I can only imagine what it's doing to my body.
I can and will beat this (with the help of others). Thanks Karen!
Thanks for the info. It will help everyone as I said. I am going to say that most everyone here will suggest that you just go with the cold turkey approach and forget the subs. Although your addiction is there, it is minor in comparision to many here. I myself would not go the sub route unless it was 100% needed, and a last resort.
Originally Posted by scdeveloper
I was heavily addicted to mostly pain pills at the rate of 300 + mg's per day. But I did do most every other drug out there. I tried and tried so many times to get clean by tapering, and cold turkey. It was the cravings that always did me in and got me right back to using again. I finally went the sub route and it did it for me. But that's ME, and not YOU. I would do what is needed to just stop completely.
You will have flu like symptoms for about 5-7 days or so and then the physical part is usually over. Then the mental game begins and that is much more difficult to overcome in my opinion. But it can be done if you want it bad enough. I think you do from your words.
Moon said it exactly right about the withdrawal symptoms. Read her post again. She's done it perfectly and can be your guide. Many others here have done the very same. Read around the forum and get ideas of exactly what you're facing. Think long and hard about using the subs.
Exercise is HUGE while detoxing. That and music as moon said. The busier you can stay the better it is for you. Wishing you the very best my friend. Stay on top of things. And be completely positive at all times. With you all the way.
developer, since you have a few days until your stop date, you should try to cut out 1 or 2 pills a day to make the quitting more manageable. It doesn't have to be a huge taper (you wouldn't have time for that anyways), just a little step down. I would try to do it at first without the Suboxone. It might be a little harsher at first, but it will be over quicker for you. I was taking about that (up to 6 roxys/day) when I was at my worst last summer. It was just insanity.....like you said, my whole day revolved around when I was taking more, getting more, etc. I remember getting really nervous once because I took about 30 mg within an hour and like 20 minutes later felt like I needed more. Whoa!
As you said, I did my fair shair of recreational drugs in college and even a bit after. But all of that stuff always remained "party stuff". It was things I did on the weekends, while out, etc. But when Monday morning came around and it was time for work, the thought of doing any of those things never crossed my mind. It was just like "o.k., back to the real world". These were the first drugs to permeate my "real life". At first they didn't. Waaayyy back when I first did them I remember I got a legitimate script. I used to take a half of a 5 mg (laughable, right?) sometimes while drinking. And during the work week that whole prescription would just sit in a bottle and I would never think about it....no matter how bad or boring my day went. But ultimately that all changed, and it became so that I couldn't even live my life without them.
That is the biggest motivator for me right now....I look back to all the things I have enjoyed in the past 6 months....all without pills....and it still kind of amazes me. Vacations, long summer days, breakfast dates with people, long phone conversations, laughs, movies. All of those things I just plain didn't want to do (and at some point, couldn't do) without pills. That is the biggest thing that I don't want to lose by going back. I never want to wake up in the morning and not be able to enjoy my life because I'm waiting for a phone call.
As I said before, I never got more than a handful of scripts....so the majority of my pills I bought. In a way I've traded the money I was spending on pills for the minimum payments on my cc's that I was using to live off of at the time. It really stinks. But I'm focused on that there is only one way out of this mess, and that's to keep moving forward.
One of the best parts of staying clean is that you start seeing the person that you used to be. My real addiction started after I had my son 4 1/2 years ago. Now that I have some time under my belt, I look in the mirror and I see the type of mother that I always pictured I would be when I was younger. I have not been that person in a long time. Most of the time I justified taking the pills as a ways to deal with stress. Now I can see they were really contributing to most of my stress. I'm a much more even person without them. Again, that's not to say that I never think back on them....I do. But they will be forever tied now with how much I have to lose, and that's the important thing.
I'm really rambling so I'll end with this. Don't focus too much on what your wd's will be like based on past experiences. The 2 big times I tried to quit (this time and last August) were very different. This time around I had body chills for months but not real insomnia. Last time I suffered insomnia but never had a body chill. So you may get it easier in some ways, harder in others. The important thing is to just get through each day....at the end of it say to yourself "maybe tomorrow will be better"? Sometimes you will wake up the next morning and it won't feel any better.....but I can promise you if you keep doing that, you will get there!
Last edited by deleted116; 08-10-2012 at 08:58 AM.
Thank you Moon. To me you are never rambling for all of this information is important to me.
I too had convinced a doctor to prescribe Roxys to me but law enforcement made it so difficult to get (even with a prescription) that I had to go the non-prescription way. The money I spend in pills is ridiculous. Fortunately (or maybe not fortunately) I can afford them but the money could be spent in so many better ways and it's quite selfish of me to spend it on myself and not my family.
My biggest problem with all of this is what you had indicated. I have to live my life based on a pill. Like you, three days ago I went without a pill for just a few hours and I thought my body was going to shut down. That was the catalyst I needed to know that I have to stop this wild ride.
I take away from my family time so I can get high and if I do decide to go out, I'm thinking of when I'll get back home to take another pill. This is not a fun life; I want to go back to my life without pills and Thursday cannot come quick enough. You're right that I shouldn't focus on the WD's but it's hard not to. Since I've been through it, I pretty much know how I will feel and it's not fun. I have no choice, I need to put up with the symptoms and get through this to live my regular life again. As I indicated, my wife is a great supporter to me but if I continue, I would think this will start to get old for her and then I’ll risk losing one of the most important things in my life.
This thread is great for I'm able to provide my honest thoughts and I think this will be very helpful when I start to write about my withdrawal symptoms. Since people will be able to speak from their experiences, it will be so much better than describing to people that haven't been through it. I feel a part of my success will be from this thread. Honest chats with honest experiences.
I will start to cut back my pill intake to make it a little easier. I'm confused on why I shouldn't take Suboxone since it was successful for me the first time but I’ll take the advice of others and try it cold turkey.
Now it's me that's rambling but it does help to get this off my chest.
Thanks to all -
It's great that you haven't put yourself into debt buying the pills. That means when you stop you can start reaping those financial benefits right away! You can start spending on GOOD stuff or saving or whatever and no looking back!
Re: Suboxone....I think the thing with it is that it's a wonder drug and it's helped SO many people to achieve what they wouldn't be able to otherwise. The concern comes in because a person can start abusing those, or depending too much on the feelings that they give you. If you take them for too long you will get dependent, and the WD's are much worse coming off of the Suboxone. There are people who just used a few of them to get through the worst of the WD symptoms and that was it (my husband was one of those when he quit last August)....but from what I read on here most of the time you need enough to do a proper induction and taper for it to be beneficial. I have a friend who just keeps alternating between the roxys and then suboxone on and off. No way to live.
I don't think there is one right answer for any of us. However, cold turkey, if you can do it, will get everything out of your system the quickest. Suboxone is still an opiate, and a very strong one at that. For me, I needed to distance myself quickly from that last dose of opiates. There are lots of people on here that are very educated on Suboxone though, so it you have specific questions you should ask away...
This is what I'm understanding with Suboxone ... It will make my withdrawals a bit easier but it will also make those withdrawals last longer. Am I getting this correctly?
Although I shouldn't concentrate on the withdrawals, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm scared on how I'm going to feel. This isn't going to change my mind and I will succeed no matter what but it is worrisome.
I have to succeed for I cannot continue to live my life this way.
Beautiful post Moon and exactly right in all of it! By the way CONGRATULATIONS on your upcoming 6 months of clean time! That is awesome. I have read your thread, and your journey is amazing! I'm very proud of you girl! You should be extremely proud of yourself!
Originally Posted by moon6748
scdeveloper.... Moon's words are very wise one's. She knows her business. I had basically no choice but to use the subs. They saved my life, along with this forum, and now NA. If I could have stopped by going cold turkey, or tapering, I would have surely done just that, but I tried and tried and tried and got clean many, many times, only to get caught by the CRAVINGS every single time. I was going downhill fast and was way beyond my "rock bottom".
I'm clean now for 26 days today, and you can certainly do it too. Just like I know that I can get to the 6 months clean like my friend Moon has. Positive thoughts, mean positive results!
No one is going to fault you no matter what way you choose to go. After all, it's YOUR life. But what we do want is for you to take the challenge head on, and give it EVERYTHING you've got in you. Get mad at those drugs for wrecking your life. If you happen to read my thread here, please know that my experience was NOT a normal one by far. Most, if not ALL others on subs have some kind of symptoms, or issues with their sub experience. Not to mean you will. You could have a very easy time of it. Point is.....do you really need the subs? In MY OWN OPINION....you do not!
You will receive ALL the guidance, wisdom, encouragement, and support that you will ever need right here on this forum. The ONLY thing YOU need is the "WANT IT" bad enough! I wish you the very best no matter what you decide!
YES, you are right! With the cold turkey method, you're basically finished with the PHYSICAL part in about 5-7 days or so. Then you deal with the mental issues.
Originally Posted by scdeveloper
And a good support program like NA, AA, or CR will make you less likely to relapse if you attend regular meetings, in MY opinion. I go to NA every single day! I WANT to be there, just like I WANT to REMAIN clean!
With the subs you are most likely going to be having withdrawal symptoms AFTER you completely stop them because of the very long half life they have. The subs remain in your system for a very long time. Read around the forum and you shall see what I mean.
Thanks Karen and Moon; both of you have been very helpful. When I start the process, I will make sure to pay attention to your words.
I know how good it feels to be clean for I was there for three months and I celebrated every 30 days since it was such a big deal to me.
I'm going to get clean again without a doubt! Me being scared is just me talking out loud to try and get some encouragement not to be. I created this mess and I will fix it too.
As always, thanks for listening.
Change of plans ... it's time to start now instead of waiting.
I just took my last pill. I'm tired of this life I have created so I will start the journey to get free and clear of the little blue pill.
I'll hope working will not be a problem; however, if I find too much difficulty, I will rely on my staff to assist me. No need to find an excuse of waiting until Thursday ... i'm ready.
As I feel different ranges of emotions, i'll update for help but I know I can do this and by this time next week, the physical effects will be gone.
For those that have written me with advice, please know that I really appreciate it. I have found this forum to be a great group of people that want to help others in getting clean. I look forward to being a member that provides advice instead of one that needs it.
I have the support of my wife, mom and brother; I look forward to this new beginning. It won't be fun but waiting isn't going to provide a better solution or make things better.
"Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try"
Wow! Good for you! Great to hear you want to take charge of your life again....today!
Very proud of you right now! Just some thoughts and suggestions from me to you......
Get yourself in "go mode" and let NOTHING stand in your way of this. Take charge of your detox, and get mad at those drugs for making your life what it has.
Get as much exercise as you can get according to your physical condition and health concerns. Ask your doctor if needed.
Music can be your very best friend right now! Buy, borrow, or steal (kidding) some type of headphone's and when you go out and walk (if you can) listening to your favorite music will make ALL the difference!
I'm going to put the link to The Thomas Recipe right below. Click on it and discover all the things that will help you in this effort. Many swear by it's power for withdrawal symptoms. Careful of the Benzo's mentioned. Others here will advise you about that part.
The Thomas Recipe
One of the very best quotes here is by caughtagain (Reid)....."this too shall pass". Very strong and accurate words! Remember when you are feeling off and having concerns, this too shall pass!
Treat the symptoms as they appear. Tummy troubles, treat that. Headache, same there with OTC meds or what you usually use. No narcotics of course!
Remember, you will have all the help you will EVER need right here! Post often. Real often. make this thread your journal. I wouldn't begin new threads like some others do. Nothing wrong with that at all. Just with a few different threads, it gets very confusing (to me anyway) if you have multiple threads going at the same time.
And just be mentally strong. Know you CAN do this. We all know you can, believe in yourself....at all times.
And maybe the most important thing.....each day forward, gets better, and better, and better! Just know and firmly believe that because it's true!
There you go! You can do this my friend! With you all the way as I've said before. Others will be here more during the week. Slow on weekends.
Always remember another quote by another member here (Robert I think) and it reads....Do you have another day one in you"? Meaning do this right the very first time. If you miss a step and take another pill, you're right back to day 1.....AGAIN!
Proud of you again. Bet you're proud of yourself?????
I commend you greatly on your decision to dive in. It really is the only way to go. Good luck to you. Were all here rooting for you.
Quotes that keep me going:
"Do you have another day 1 in you?"
"If not now, when?"
“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”
Clean as of 02.03.2012
Thanks for the encouragement! I feel good about the decision. I was getting more scared from knowing the date is coming soon; I knew today had to be the day.
I'm not sure when the first round of WD's begins. I know for sure by tomorrow but unclear about tonight. I ended up taking 6 today since I knew it would be the last day. Of course this wasn't how "tampering off" was described by a member in an earlier post.
It's ok, I'm ready for whatever comes. I definitely want this!
I'll write when my body starts the hunger.
Thanks for listening -
Day 1 ... horrible feelings. Tired, no motivation, want to jump out of my skin, cold/hot, etc.
Not sure how I'm going to do this but I'm trying. Can't believe I have more days of this.
Don't think in terms of days...just get through right now...if you think in terms of days, it will overwhelm you. Little by little, it will get better...I set my mind to thinking that it wouldn't be pleasant, to not expect much of myself for a while (in terms of running my house, being productive), but that it would not be permanent...the good feeling you get when you finally turn the corner will be SO WORTH the cr*ppy way you feel now...hang in there and keep posting!
That is the biggest motivator for me right now....I look back to all the things I have enjoyed in the past 6months....all without pills....and it still kind of amazes me. Vacations, long summer days, breakfast dates with people, long phone conversations, laughs, movies. All of those things I just plain didn't want to do (and at some point, couldn't do) without pills. That is the biggest thing that I don't want to lose by going back. I never want to wake up in the morning and not be able to enjoy my life because I'm waiting for a phone call.
just remind yourself of moon's post (awesome post, btw)
these w/d's...they're just temporary.
the REST OF YOUR LIFE...
now THAT'S something!
"i have to succeed for i cannot continue to live my life this way."
you've got the "want to", as dog says.
and u have the support of everyone here!
i know it's prob not much of a consolation RIGHT NOW..
but we've all been there.
TRUST ME/US...it gets better!
you're in my prayers.
good for u, man!
i love these threads!
not that ur having to go through w.d's..
but happy that u've made the decision.
on the grand scheme of things..
"they aint nothing but a thing!"
just look forward to all the good stuff!
and keep posting 'through' all the bad stuff right now.
hope that made sense?
i'm rooting for u!
Thanks for the encouragement.
Two hours ago I was about to write that I failed and couldn't handle the withdrawals; they were horrible and I didn't think I could endure such torture.
I called me family to convince them I needed to stay on these drugs for this was too much. I would have convinced anyone .... no one answered. I guess that was a good thing.
I took a pill to relax me and it made me fall asleep .. I wake up much better.
I don't know if I can handle one of those episodes again but IF that was the worst, then I'll be ok. I don't want to live a life with pills and I agree that I can be happy without them.
Withdrawals suck but I might have survived. We'll see what's next.
Last edited by scdeveloper; 08-12-2012 at 06:16 PM.
When things get a bit down for you and you think about giving in to temptation, remember these words that you recently wrote. Strong words that show all of us how bad you really do want this. You CAN do this!
Originally Posted by scdeveloper
I think my main wd's have stopped. I'm extremely tired and I can't focus too well but I feel so much better than yesterday. Right now I just want to sleep all day.
I still have a want for the pills but I guess that desire will last a bit.
I feel i've gone through hell but i'm back on earth; now I have to make the best of it.
I was wrong .. wd's starting again. So hard to deal with but know I have to. Amazing how strong this is taking a hold of me.
Hang in there ans be strong. I'm fighting real hard right now also. So must you. Can't let this addiction beat us again! With you all the way!
Originally Posted by scdeveloper
Hi Robert . . .
I just wanted you to know that I'm pulling for you. I am. And keep in mind that your withdrawal--the physical aspect of it anyway--shouldn't last more than seven to ten days. I know you'll still have the mental side of it to contend with, but the hellish physical symptoms should have abated by then.
I want you to know, too, that you are just remarkably fortunate and blessed to have the support system you have. It's going to make such a difference for you. And although this is no doubt hard, it isn't as hard as coming off of methadone or an extended stay on suboxone, so be sure to count that in your plus column.
Like I said, I'm pulling for you. Be good to those being good to you. You're awfully lucky to have them.
Last edited by GibberishNonsense; 08-13-2012 at 04:09 PM.
Scd, you can expect about 7 days of bad flu like symptoms, if you can do it w/o the subs that would be preferable but you are the on to make that decision. The subs are harder to get off of.
Put your to good use be more afraid of using again than of the withdrawals. Right now you are fortunate you haven't lost anything but continue and this disease will take everything you hold dear away from youWe are here to help you through this man hang tight Dog
scd, keep pushing through, that is the only way out of this. You know exactly how you will feel and what will happen if you pick up those pills again to make you feel better. You know right where that road will lead you...so choose THIS road and just commit to seeing where it takes you (I promise you it will be a better place)....
Surfdog is right....you haven't lost anything yet to this disease (except for time)....stop now and just put it in your rearview mirror. Don't wait until it starts taking things from you...