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I want to do this right... Anyone?
09-08-2010, 12:42 AM #331
Wired and tired
A wink I've not seen
And now it's off to work again
When that's exactly where I'd been.
Maybe I should take it easy
Perhaps I'd better calm down
But I've never had the patience
To tread softly on any ground.
Today is another
And tomorrow's just the same
I can't use words anymore
Except in this rhyming game.
So I'll plow on forth
I'll see this through
Leave a note here and
I'll get back to you.
Stupid impromptu poems are all that's left in me
So I'll stop torturing you all and just let you be.
09-08-2010, 07:55 AM #332
09-08-2010, 08:19 AM #333
Oh Winged Angel, you're a poet and I didn't even know it! I know, I know, that was really baaaad LOL
Chin up, chiquita, you are rolling right along -- all other bs aside!
Luv ya bunches
Strength & courage is moving forward in spite of the fear
09-09-2010, 01:06 PM #334
The soundtrack to my life...
Music. All day.
I used to live for music.
Used to breathe, eat, drink, smell and taste music.
Then there was no music.
I didn't touch my piano for a year.
I didn't sing. I didn't jam with my friends. I didn't care.
How could I have not cared?
How did I live without music?
Every note I now hear, every cadence, every whisper of tone, every single hum and sigh, every beat...
... I feel in my soul.
I'm coming alive.
It wasn't the energy I had.
It wasn't the smiles I smiled.
It wasn't the laughter that gurgled up.
Not the twinkle in my eye.
Nor the feeling of my skin.
Not the luster of my hair, or the return of color to my face.
All these were the initial symptoms heralding the return of the soundtrack to my life.
I close my eyes as I walk, walk, walk; just listening, just taking it all in.
Music is back in my life.
My life is back in music.
I can't stop listening.
I stopped listening to everything else.
Every pore in my being is vibrating back into existence with each beat.
The thrill coursing through my body is indescribable.
How did I live without music?
09-09-2010, 01:16 PM #335
Very nice! Hopefully your taper is continuing well and your guy problems have subsided as well! Sometimes relationships seem like more work than they are worth don't they! Oh well, just dropping in for some support! You're doing great!
09-09-2010, 01:31 PM #336
Azul! Always a thrill to see a post from you
Taper is going well. Am at Day 4 at 1mg. Hopefully dropping tomorrow to 0.75mg.
But tell me about you? Are we on track?
Man, those stories on your thread of how *bad word*-uped everyone was while under the influence.. haha, guffawed my a$$ off
PIME my blue friend
09-09-2010, 02:29 PM #337
Yes ma'am. On track and good to go! Matter of fact, somebody just called with the lowest f'n price I have ever heard and I told him no Thanks and that I will be cutting that stuff completely out of my life! No complaints. He is a Good friend and we both got into this mess together, but he isn't quite ready to stop yet. Hopefully onne day soon though!
Oh man, those stories certainly had me laughing as well. I will have to post some too!
Good on ya as our resident kiwi would say for sticking to the taper. I have a feeling you will be the forums next success story! Good job girlie! Keep kicking butt!
Last edited by ddcmod; 09-09-2010 at 03:29 PM.
09-09-2010, 02:33 PM #338
Oh yea, PIME too my friend!!! Stay safe please!
09-09-2010, 06:07 PM #339
How creative you are. Let music flow again. Play the piano again. That is so GOOD.
I so enjoyed our visit via SKYPE. It made me happy to see my sweet Hayati's face. Hope your feeling better and not so drained. If that place does not ease up on you I am going to come there and KICK THEIR BUTTS.LOL
I Love you sweet Hayati
Your my breath of fresh air.
Hugs and Kisses
P.S. I think I hurt my back today. I bought the girls food and lugged the bags in the house. I don't think I should have done that. Took a hot shower and lying here with my heating pad. I LOVE MY HEATING PAD.
09-09-2010, 06:43 PM #340
Originally Posted by winged eagle
eagle ....... Good job on your taper. You've done great and so glad to see you down under 1mg. Let me know if I can help should the need arise. God bless.
I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.
09-09-2010, 06:49 PM #341
09-09-2010, 06:54 PM #342
09-09-2010, 06:59 PM #343
09-09-2010, 07:20 PM #344
Hey soaring one - hope you're feeling well and getting some much needed rest. I was off work today so I took the time to re-read a number of posts and several folk’s threads including yours. The big H is h3ll. Opium addiction is an insidious, lying little demon that winds its way into a person’s very core. The whole time it disguises itself as a harmless, recreational lark that surely won’t grab you by the throat and strangle the life out of you. I admire the fearless tenacity with which you’ve tried to retake control of your body from it. The path to sobriety is unique, just as the path to addiction is. For many, a traditional taper is successful and for others, a more aggressive approach can be utilized. I appreciate that you’ve not only shared your struggles, but have encouraged others as they too walk the path to a drug-free life. Will continue to lift you up as you will surely soon be flying high and strong. The eagle is an inspiring creature of God and you’ve been aptly tagged. God bless you as you continue to beat this addiction and take back your life.
09-09-2010, 07:23 PM #345
Beautiful as always JB. Keep spreading the Good faith!
09-09-2010, 07:27 PM #346
JB, how beautifully you express... Thank you so much for such amazing support. I'm really enthused
I so appreciate everything you've said, and everything you do around here on this forum. I see you everywhere. Always eloquently positive. It's a lovely thing to see, and I'm so happy I get to not only feast my eyes, but be on the receiving end of that
09-09-2010, 07:29 PM #347
Haha.. I guess Azul and I agree on the EXACT term to express your writing
And yes, keep it up!
09-09-2010, 10:31 PM #348
hey winged angel - I am really beginning to think that we are long lost sisters (lol)
I taught myself piano when I used to be on punishment all of the time as a teenager - music is my life and my escape - I used to dance before my health got too bad but I will never be more at home than when listening to my tunes - what do you like to listen to?
I also write but not as good as you so I won't put myself to shame by posting on your thread but I wanted to give you a quot from a pink floyd song but it's kind of depressing so I hope it isn't too heavy - it is my message to my boyfriend at this point in time (not how I always feel about him) and I thought you might get a kick out of it
And when you loose control, you'll reap the harvest you have sown.
And as the fear grows, the bad blood slows and turns to stone.
And it's too late to lose the weight you used to need to throw
So have a good drown, as you go down, all alone,
Dragged down by the stone.
I gotta admit that I'm a little bit confused.
Sometimes it seems to me as if I'm just being used.
Gotta stay awake, gotta try and shake off this creeping malaise.
If I don't stand my own ground, how can I find my way out of this
Deaf, dumb, and blind, you just keep on pretending
That everyone's expendable and no-one has a real friend.
And it seems to you the thing to do would be to isolate the winner
And everything's done under the sun,
And you believe at heart, everyone's a killer.
didn't want to post the whole song - just the lines I felt apply to the situation at hand
hehehehe I know I am a meanie but thought you might smile at me telling that to my BF
Last edited by hope full; 09-09-2010 at 10:32 PM.
09-10-2010, 02:51 AM #349
Hope, I LOVE Pink Floyd! That was from Dogs, wasn't it?
My music can cover a huge spectrum, everything from Led Zepplin, to Morrison, to Pink F and even The Animals (not album, the band from the 60s/70s), to Tiamat, My Dying Bride (a bit more heavy) up to some contemporary stuff like Sia (she's brilliant) Archive (OMG) Placebo (in love with them) and basically everything. I lean toward Rock, some Blues thrown in (since I sing blues, my voice is an alto), and love to hear some hip hop and rap as well
I was classically trained on piano, took lessons from age 3 onwards and would compose classical pieces. Was always a vocalist in bands, but a few years ago taught myself how to play more contemporary stuff, so have also been composing songs, with lyrics, which I sing
Since I'm classically trained, I love the good old, old stuff, my favorite composer being, who else?? Beethoven
Woman, if I were to list all the music that appeals to me, I wouldn't stop typing for a while, haha. I've left out TONS of very important music in the list above that really matter to me, but just wanted to give you a quick run-through. What about you?
Yeah, told you, felt we were too similar from your first post ever, here on this thread. But it's getting weirder and weirder LOL..
And don't diss your writing! You write beautifully and I love reading your posts! Left you a post on your thread about the BF. Sorry babe, I know how much it sucks to be in this position. Hugs to you.
P.S. Last night I actually fell asleep with music in my ears. Haven't done that IN YEARS. And I had the best, the BEST sleep since stopping opiates. Music and laughter, powerful cures at our disposal!
09-10-2010, 03:27 AM #350
you got it - dogs - from my favorite album of theirs - animals - I don't know much of the band animals - I'll have to download some of their stuff - I love classic rock and classical (classically trained flutist) and I personally like vivaldi for classical. I am also a big house/techno head (used to dance with a dance crew) I like old school hip hop, some metal, some indie (I also really like placebo) dave matthews, some goth - it's all over the place hehe
how are you doing on your subs? how are you feeling? when is your next drop?
I can see why your boyfriend doesn't want to break up with you - you have it all girl! cher tells me you are very beautiful as well to top it all off (I hope it's ok that I said that)
I already know of your inner beauty and creativity so any man is lucky to have you
good luck with him and I hope you guys can work it out and he treats you like the queen that you are
09-10-2010, 03:47 AM #351
Speaking of Dave Mathews (see, told you I'd left out A LOT in the post above), I kept playing The Fly over and over again in the past week
One of the most famous song by the Animals was "California Dreaming", I'm sure you know it.
And I was really into psyche-trance, deep house, everything for a while there. Great tripping potential, haha..
I was a dancer too! Girl, we're tooooo similar, it's crazy! Used to be on lots of shows (TV), did some stage work, as dancer and actress, the whole thing. Lots of comedy, though I guess some drama would have been interesting... Haha.. yeah, did it all. Modeling started me off, I guess. It was the best way to make some money while I was in uni...
Can't dance like that anymore though, had major knee surgery and I don't limp thank God (though they said I would; it wasn't a replacement, but everything was damaged: ligaments, patella, miniscus, tendon, and a bit of calcification too - crazy), and can run. But I can't do the stuff I used to be able to do. I was fearless! Even got into roller-blading at some point and was doing stunts within the month. it's the only way to learn anything: NO FEAR.
That's why I don't let fear and apprehension rule this sub taper.
I dropped to 0.75mg TODAY!!!
You already dropped to 1, right? Are you on day 2 or 3?
I'm feeling great at the moment, but expect some stuff eventually (totally normal), what about you?
09-10-2010, 12:44 PM #352
Hmm.. my back hurts a bit. Nothing unbearable, but the thought of going out to dinner with a friend just got less appealing
I guess I'll be back on here in a few hours, though I wish I could just veg out in bed and read a book and post here instead...
By the by, anyone seen Cheeky on the boards today? Where you at girl?
Ok, need to move it. *Sigh*
Bye guys and gals, I'll catch you all later.
09-10-2010, 01:40 PM #353
Winged, a classically trained pianist who can write music? A model and actress and ESPECIALLY a beautiful writer? My God, you have so much going for you. My favorite musical artist is one probably no one will agree with but I think he's brilliant - Tom Waits. We actually flew from New York to Fla. for a weekend just to see him in concert. Weird but great. My tastes are varied though. Just got tickets for me and hubby to see American Idiot (Green Day) on Broadway later this month. And I am a classic rock nut too (Beatles the best, Stones, Kinks, Who)..... My age dictates that I love that music. It was the music of my teenage years.
Anyway...... Winged, just go with the flow and keep up the good work and keep writing. I can read it all day. It inspires so many going through what you are....You rock.
09-10-2010, 05:20 PM #354
So after yet another screech-fest, I told my boyfriend, very calmly, that I think it's about time he packed up and left. He, also very calmly, but with a weird glint to the eye said yes, it's time to go. As I was walking back to the bedroom, he throws out a last shot: And I'm taking the cats with me.
... He's not going anywhere. That comment proved it.
I love those cats. They're all the family I have in this country.
But I'm actually considering telling him to "go ahead, pack up your clothes, pack up the cats and sayonara."
Has anyone ever been in a situation where the other person simply won't let you break up?
09-10-2010, 05:27 PM #355
hell eagle me an you both havin man problem. damn if i would let him take the cats.
when i split up with my ex in 05, i went to scotland, he had my dog, lookin after her, we hadnt split just havin a "break" but he hooked up with an ozzy chick, 5 weeks later (after 16 years, nice ay)
so i did my scotland thing, then rang him and said, SEND MY DOG HOME TO NEW ZEALAND.
he knew dam well i was serious, and he did. purple, still around at 12 and a half, shes my baby.
ive had dramas too yesterday, discovered said man, was sleepin round, with the skanks. dammit, and i thought we mightve been good. so wrong was i.
catch ya later girl, but stick up for your cats, bugger if >> let a man take em.
mite message you on fb later, gotta go pick up my car, had to leave it behind last night and get a ride home. was outa town.
stay tough eagle, i know you got balls girl. heh heh.
me goin ok teeth wise, little bit of pain, gotta get up and take some pills, of the non narcotic variety.
09-10-2010, 05:30 PM #356
psy trance ay, that eclipse pic you seen was a psy trance festival in the desert of australia, 4 days worth. wasnt really keen on it, but had an awesome time, and i still know some of those girls to this day, they awesome positive people.
see ya eagle
oh, check out salmonella dub, inside the dub plates, kiwi band.
that was one of their best albums. party on.
09-10-2010, 05:32 PM #357
09-10-2010, 07:30 PM #358
My ex tried to keep my cats when we split, I told her she might as well call the cops and the ambulance at the same time cause there was no f'n way she was gonna make it out of the house with either of them. One of them I had before the relationship and the other was adopted to be the first ones friend and turned into a complete daddy's girl. Eventually I just waited for her to go out partying on a weekend and moved all of her stuff to a storage unit, changed the locks and then gave the keys to the storage unit to her mom. Crazy crazy crazy break-up. Ended up getting hooked on crystal meth after we broke up. So glad that is over!
Tough call on that one, you're gonna have to sit like adults and figure things out! Best of luck and keep us posted! Sorry you're having to deal with all of this stuff too! Stinks!
09-10-2010, 11:15 PM #359
hey bluey, good one mate.
few posts disappearing today, some that i dont think warrant it.
anyway, if this one stays, eagle, hope you got a good nights sleep.
there seems to be a lot of us goin thru man bs right now, i got a few friends been venting, so we should all stick together us girls. sorry bluey, but ya know,
these are the things that can make us or break us and i reckon its not fair when the moderator butts in and decides which posts can stay and which posts cant,
relationships and stuff like that are important, and us druggies also deserve to be able to talk about it, coz it is real, and it affects us.
this might be a drugs website, but its also about PEOPLE, and we have very real issues.
eagle and bluey, i got a cat, a dog, a chicken and a goat, and wo betide anyone who would hurt any of em.
luv from kiwiland
09-10-2010, 11:51 PM #360
My mom has always been such a strong woman and always said if someone doesn't like me for me, than let them move on and find somebody that will. All about self-respect and selfconfidence (both of which Are hard with folks like us who are hard on ourselves ) but that is how you have to be. She always used to say "if you don't like the way I look, then don't look. If you don't want to be with me, then leave!" You guys are both special women. Very strong and intelligent and outspoken, maybe you Just haven't found the right man that can handle you. But don't give up, because when you do find the right one, it makes everything worth it. You know the saying right, have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince! But don't worry, maybe the last one you kissed wasn't meant to be the last one you kiss! Ya dig girls???
As bluey always says, keep your head up! It will all get better! Hugs and kisses to my girls over-seas from the florida blue devil!