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i need support/help
  1. #1
    Anonymous Guest

    Exclamation i need support/help

    please i need support/ help. 2 days ago i found out that my boyfriend of a little over a year is addicted to drugs either methadone or >>>>>>. i found out he was in the hospital doing detox. this came as a complete shock. i knew he had a drug problem when he was in high school but he made it seem so minor and that he snapped out of it. then he made himself seem like he was such a good "sober" person helping his friends who had drug addictions because they needed a sober friend to hang out with. now when i think abut our relationship i can see all these things that should have been huge red flags. why didn't i see them sooner? im so stupid i cant forgive myself and now i haven't spoken to him, i dont know if he' still in detox or at home but he hasn't tried to contact me. im so worried about him. how could he hide this from me for a whole year? how could he look at me in the face and just tell lies after lies, how much he loved me, how special i am and how god must be looking down on him for bringing me to him. by the way, i dont do drugs. at all. ever. is he sick? is addiction really a disease? what should i do? i cant stop crying. im miserable. i went from talking to my life all the time everyday to nothing. im devastated.did the drugs make him lie? including tell me he loved me? how long does detox for methadone. >>>>>> take? please someone help ive never been through anything like this before. my heart was just ripped out of my chest. im broken.

  2. #2
    WalkingFaith is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by strbrst1980 View Post
    please i need support/ help. 2 days ago i found out that my boyfriend of a little over a year is addicted to drugs either methadone or >>>>>>. i found out he was in the hospital doing detox. this came as a complete shock. i knew he had a drug problem when he was in high school but he made it seem so minor and that he snapped out of it. then he made himself seem like he was such a good "sober" person helping his friends who had drug addictions because they needed a sober friend to hang out with. now when i think abut our relationship i can see all these things that should have been huge red flags. why didn't i see them sooner? im so stupid i cant forgive myself and now i haven't spoken to him, i dont know if he' still in detox or at home but he hasn't tried to contact me. im so worried about him. how could he hide this from me for a whole year? how could he look at me in the face and just tell lies after lies, how much he loved me, how special i am and how god must be looking down on him for bringing me to him. by the way, i dont do drugs. at all. ever. is he sick? is addiction really a disease? what should i do? i cant stop crying. im miserable. i went from talking to my life all the time everyday to nothing. im devastated.did the drugs make him lie? including tell me he loved me? how long does detox for methadone. >>>>>> take? please someone help ive never been through anything like this before. my heart was just ripped out of my chest. im broken.


    Addiction is an ugly mask....we hide it from the ones we love the most...is it possible he's detoxing to get better for you ( I'm understanding that you are completely against drugs) If he was on either he had to taper which could take a year. He may have been crediting you as an angel because you gave him the courage. If he's detoxing he will be in HELL for about 3 weeks to 30 days....I'm currently moving to my 3rd week and I'm just able to pick up the phone to tell people I'm ok. I thought I was going to die and it's not a pretty sight (ex...constant bathroom runs & accidents in the pants, throwing up, not eating, not drinking...can't sleep, depression, thinking about how you want to do better and never want this feeling again. Now if he's on methadone there's a half life which means it takes longer to detox rather herion (? spelling)
    Those who make it to day 10 have a better chance of beating the drug!

  3. #3
    WalkingFaith is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by strbrst1980 View Post
    please i need support/ help. 2 days ago i found out that my boyfriend of a little over a year is addicted to drugs either methadone or >>>>>>. i found out he was in the hospital doing detox. this came as a complete shock. i knew he had a drug problem when he was in high school but he made it seem so minor and that he snapped out of it. then he made himself seem like he was such a good "sober" person helping his friends who had drug addictions because they needed a sober friend to hang out with. now when i think abut our relationship i can see all these things that should have been huge red flags. why didn't i see them sooner? im so stupid i cant forgive myself and now i haven't spoken to him, i dont know if he' still in detox or at home but he hasn't tried to contact me. im so worried about him. how could he hide this from me for a whole year? how could he look at me in the face and just tell lies after lies, how much he loved me, how special i am and how god must be looking down on him for bringing me to him. by the way, i dont do drugs. at all. ever. is he sick? is addiction really a disease? what should i do? i cant stop crying. im miserable. i went from talking to my life all the time everyday to nothing. im devastated.did the drugs make him lie? including tell me he loved me? how long does detox for methadone. >>>>>> take? please someone help ive never been through anything like this before. my heart was just ripped out of my chest. im broken.
    One other thing I should have added....if he was on methadone prior to meeting you it may be possible he was taking the meds to not get sick...many people stay on methadone for the fear of the horrible withdrawls and the excessive time it takes to get better, he may not have been abusing....he could have been tapering as you both were dating and did a JUMP OFF... I was on 120mg and you can only go down 5mgs every 2 weeks comfortable without many people noticing....I would say stay true to him if you really love him and see when this is all said and done if he's the same person. If he hangs around the same GROUP you may suspect be cautious....but after going through all the trouble of detox when he could have hid it longer I'd say to give it a chance before giving up.....my husband stood by my side 100%.....Right now I feel like a new born baby learning to walk, my legs quiver and go limp. I hope this helps ease your mind....you may be the only reason he wanted to get better....just don't decide to give up yet, wait and see how this turns out. Here if you need...

  4. #4
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    thank you for getting back to me. i'm not speaking to him. i dont know how our relationship can bounce back from this. he lied to me for a year, i dont know what is the truth anymore. it kills me. i just want to know hes ok. if i was his angel that gave him strength why did he keep lying to me and using. it makes me sick that i had no idea, i though he was a completely different person.

  5. #5
    staysober10 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by strbrst1980 View Post
    thank you for getting back to me. i'm not speaking to him. i dont know how our relationship can bounce back from this. he lied to me for a year, i dont know what is the truth anymore. it kills me. i just want to know hes ok. if i was his angel that gave him strength why did he keep lying to me and using. it makes me sick that i had no idea, i though he was a completely different person.
    strbrst,

    I am an addict. My now ex gf felt the same things you are going through. Here is the story, hope it help you or maybe puts things in a bit of a perspective.

    http://www.drugs.com/forum/need-talk...ice-58305.html

    Let me know what you think after you read it. I have so much to say about this but basically these drugs have such a strong grip on you that its your one and only concern in my life. I loved my gf but I didnt have the guts to tell her. She thought I was the best thing that happened to her. Once she found out, it was over.

  6. #6
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    he hasn't even tried to contact me at all. when we were together we use to say stuff like even if we break up we would still be best friends, i cant even think about not having you in my life. and now he's just gone. im so hurt an lost. i'm wondering if he's thinking about me, about what he's done. and i hope he never forgives himself. i was the best thing that ever happened to that kid. i gave him everything and all he gave me in return were lies and lies. it makes me sick and im usually ok during the day, its at night when i get really emotional and cry myself to sleep.

  7. #7
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    also i should have added "staysober10" why? why did you lie to her? why wold you do that? did you think about her once? about how your lies would hurt her? i just cant believe my so called love of my life lied to my face for 12 months. this was the longest relationship i ever had.

  8. #8
    caughtagain is offline Diamond Member
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    STAR.... I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. It is not fair. But the simple answer to you above question is... Because, that is what addicts do... they lie. Sadly, us addicts become addicts by getting sick because of our pill/(drug of choice) use and we will do anything to get what we need (drugs).. Lie, cheat, steal.... We do not care about ANYTHING unless it involves getting what we crave... Again, sadly, it is not a hug, comfort from a partner, a job, security.... All we want is that next fix... Unless he wants to change, his addiction will end badly and no one can help him unless change is what he wants... I am sure if you read around here, you will see MANY journeys people are on and all in different stages. My heart goes out to you, but in the long run, if he does not want to change, you are better off... All my best, Reid

  9. #9
    NoMoreLies is offline Member
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    Strburst1980 - I'm very sorry for all the pain you are going through. I am an addict who will celebrate 4 weeks clean tommorow. For over 3 years I used Vicodin, fentanyl patches, percocet and oxycontin. Most was my medicine that was prescribed for chronic pain, some was my partner's that I stole from her without her knowing. She discovered my secret 12/13/2011 and as ugly as things have been between us at times, it's the best thing that ever happened. If she had not found out, I would still be using. The only thing that stopped me was knowing I was 1 lie, 1 pill away from losing the love of my life. I never lied to her about how much I love her. But, addicts lie. We lie so we can keep using because we are sick. As much as hearing his lies have hurt you, it's good that now you know. Lies are what keep addicts sick. Whether you want to stay with this man or not, at some point the 2 of you need to have some honest conversations. Have you thought about going to a support group for friends/family members of addicts? This is a link that can help you find a meeting near you, if you are interested.

    http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html

  10. #10
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    thank you for your support caughtagain. but i dont know if i will ever understand this evil drug world. ive never had to deal with it until now. i dont even know what tgese drugs look like in person and knowing that my own boyfriend was doing this the whole time makes me sick. he would go out of his way to make himself seem like a sober good person who would help his addicted friends. i think of all these signs and flags i should have seen. all of these crazy story's and excuses he would tell me. i feel so stupid. all of this friends knew and didnt tell me. they were scared he would spiral out of control i feel like a fool. they all must think im so stupid.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by NoMoreLies View Post
    Strburst1980 - I'm very sorry for all the pain you are going through. I am an addict who will celebrate 4 weeks clean tommorow. For over 3 years I used Vicodin, fentanyl patches, percocet and oxycontin. Most was my medicine that was prescribed for chronic pain, some was my partner's that I stole from her without her knowing. She discovered my secret 12/13/2011 and as ugly as things have been between us at times, it's the best thing that ever happened. If she had not found out, I would still be using. The only thing that stopped me was knowing I was 1 lie, 1 pill away from losing the love of my life. I never lied to her about how much I love her. But, addicts lie. We lie so we can keep using because we are sick. As much as hearing his lies have hurt you, it's good that now you know. Lies are what keep addicts sick. Whether you want to stay with this man or not, at some point the 2 of you need to have some honest conversations. Have you thought about going to a support group for friends/family members of addicts? This is a link that can help you find a meeting near you, if you are interested.

    http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html



    thank you for your support. im scared if i ever contact him my parents will do something drastic. im scared for him. i worried about him. but im woried about myself too. this is so hard. why me. why him.

  12. #12
    NoMoreLies is offline Member
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    I wish I had answers for you. In this life we all have our burdens to bear and unfortunately this is his and now yours. I'm an educated woman and I've spent the last 11 1/2 years working in healthcare. I have seen patients who were addicts, I have seen them homeless and confused and dirty. When I started using I thought about those patients, but I kept telling myself that would never be me. Addicts have a gift for thinking that will never be us. Luckily I didn't have to hit that kind of rock bottom before I started getting well. In terms of your parents, you're an adult and you need to make your own decisions. My Dad was a cop and I was raised that if I ever, ever took drugs he would have me arrested and throw me out of the house. He died in 2003 and I'm thankful he never saw me as an addict. I hope you can find some peace, regardless of what you decide to do.

  13. #13
    staysober10 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
    also i should have added "staysober10" why? why did you lie to her? why wold you do that? did you think about her once? about how your lies would hurt her? i just cant believe my so called love of my life lied to my face for 12 months. this was the longest relationship i ever had.
    Strburst1980,

    I lied to her because I was scared, ashamed and embarrassed. I also was not ready to stop using pills. I gave her many, many hints and at random times I just wanted to tell her but never did. She had a rocky childhood and all her ex's were very mean to her. When she met me, she kept saying how lucky she was to meet me, how great I am with her daughter, how her parents never liked a guy she brought home besides me.

    I wasn't ready to tell her, I was afraid to lose her. I didn't want her to think I was a loser that was controlled by a pill. She asked me throughout our relationship if I was using and I looked her right in her eyes and said NO! That hurt me a lot. At the time, I didnt think I was really hurting her because she didnt know. But when everything came out and I admitted to her and started to see her cry I just about lost it. I have never been the same after that.

    I quit and started to go to a meeting or two to hopefully salvage our relationship. But when things didnt get better I went back to using because I was so depressed and ashamed at what happened. I never wanted to hurt her, I never want to hurt anyone I love. But unless you have been addicted to opiates you will never, ever, EVER get it. My selfish side wants me to have her realize just for a day what its like, so maybe she can understand.

    If I could do it all over again I would of told her about my addiction and maybe she would of stuck with me through it because I really needed her. I do believe in tough love but sometimes leaving that person alone to rot and figure it out on there own isn't always the right way to go about it.

    My day revolved around getting pills. No matter how far or how much it cost I did everything in my power to get them. Left work early, called out of work, if I had a date with her I would show up late because I needed to get pills, I lied so much it was insane. But that doenst mean I didnt love her. I loved her and I loved pills. But the majority of time my addiction to pills were more important then her.

    Horrible thing to say I know but I am just telling you the truth. Its not easy telling someone you love that you are a drug addict because you dont know how they are going to react. I really hope things work out for you. If you see he is making changes to really turn around his life and staysober then give him another chance. If not, walk away.
    Fentanyluser likes this.

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