[jblx2]

I don't want to use any more. I'm soon to end up in jail or worse if I don't stop. I have tried several times but have been high for over 90% of the last 6 months on black tar heroin, inhaled off of foil.

I've estimated the total cost of my heroin use to be over $3,000 not including a $1,000 car wreck, a direct result of my heroin use, and not including all the $2,500 I've gotten in traffic tickets/failure to appears in the last 10 months including a Possession of Peraphenillia (sp?) which was resonated tin foil and rolled dollar bill. My court date is on January 5th and I'm scared to death.

Throughout all of this I've managed to do well at my job in sales, and manage a 4.0 at community college.

Who knows if I'll ever post here again, but I'm doing this for myself, and hopefully there will be some regulars who post here.

I have 2 8mg Suboxone ready for my kick. I'm planning on taking 2mg as soon as my PAWS are acting up, about 16 hrs if I can make it that long after my last hit.

I'm praying and praying and begging for the Lord to give me one more chance at this. I'm dying for help. I've battled suicidal thoughts every day this month. Once hailed an eccentric genius, I am now in wonder whether I will cease to exist by next year... if I don't change the way I think and live, I won't make it.

Here goes nothin'.

[jblx2]

Update: Plan failed. I woke up and didn't have the balls to take the suboxone so I found a way to get 20 bucks from my credit card and copped. I planned on taking the suboxone today and was so angry all night that I lost the rest of my dope. When I woke up I found it stuck to my leg. I smoked it just now... I hope I can stop using

[21months]

You can do it - you have to do it! You've got the suboxone... give it a chance. I hope it works for you. *hugs*