[sillycat]

Hi everyone. For weeks now I have been reading all the helpful advice from people who know what I'm going through. Although I'm usually on pills telling myself I'll quit tomorrow. Well today is day 3, again. I have been to day 3 sometimes 4, more times than I can count. I have been taking pills for 2.5 years now. I even quit a brutal 200mg day OC habit about 8 months ago. I was sober for about two months. I can handle the physical wds most of the time. I have it down to a science. I know how I wont sleep and when the stomach cramps start and even that day two I am a crazy female dog. Haha. I am just so tired of the roller coaster ride i sometimes admit is my life. At my worst i felt so much better after day 5. Why cant I just break on through???

So this time I'm trying this with the support of ya'll.

[mottam]

sillycat:
Good morning.
Only you have/know that answer.
I, like you, was on that 3 - 4 day w/d rollercoaster so many times!
You have to look deep inside. Do you want off of the pills? Do you REALLY want off of the pills?
If you have gotten to the point where you are so sick and tired of being sick and tired, your strength, determination, and courage will help you "break on through".
I needed a bottom AND the sick and tired feeling. You/I cannot have it both ways. Either stop or don't.
Maybe you just need better support to get through days 3 -6 to see how better life actually gets. Do you have such support? Family, N/A, church, this site, etc.?
This is a tough battle, and it is one you do not want to fight alone. You do not have to fight it alone.

Today, you are on day 3. Take it 10 minutes at a time if you have to. Before you know it, those minutes turn into hours, and those hours into another day.
Keep posting. Talk to people on this site. Get to an N/A meeting. Talk to you family and friends (if you can). Talk to you pastor if you are religious.

Bottom line - you really need to want to have it for yourself. Don't do it for family, work, loved ones, etc. Do it for yourself and you will see the cascade affect on the people around you.

It is tough, my friend - no doubt. If you can beat a 200mg. oxy habit for 2 months, then you have been here before.
Go back to that event. Follow all of the things you did right. Re-think the things that caused you to go back to opiates. That is my struggle right now.
I think about using. Then, I think about the legal troubles, the work problems, the relationship issues, and the physical and mental toll this ******** has taken on my life and tell the voices to ******** off.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck!

Kindest Regards

mottam

[KKG]

Listen to everyone on here. There is no judgment or criticism on here just encouragement. I relapsed after day 9 and came back told my story and was welcomed backed. Dont be hard on yourself, like mottam said you have to take it one day at a time. Im on day 5 today didnt think i was gonna make it but i did, still have along way to go but I know its worth it. You already know what to expect from w/ds and your at day 3 just keep pushing you will make it...

[supermomhelp]

You can do this!!!! If you've gotten to day three just keep pushing! Try marking the X's on the calendar and think of how much farther youve gotten than before when not having a pill for several hours was a big deal! You are a strong, capable person and you can beat this too!! The people on here are AMAZINGLY supportive!

[caughtagain]

I agree with MOT and I would add only a few things. Embrace the fact that you posted. That in and of itself is HUGE. Be proud of that. Next, you are on day 3. THat is HUGE. another thing I did that helped was at the end of each day put a big X on the calender. What happens is as time goes by and you start to see those X's build up it becomes a game of sorts. I am around day 90 give or take and I did the X thing for a few months. IT does work, It does help. AS far as putting time in, MOT is right, it is a look deep inside and dig deep. I use this site as my NA and it has worked for me. Join us, we are all warriors in the fight of our lives, which you will battle for the rest of your life. We are sure proud of you for coming here and are here for you........ CA

[Freedom4me]

Silly cat,
I agree with all of the above. You CAN do this. The cravings will lesson every day. Push through to the other side by changing your behavior patterns, mix up your routines. When I have an "urge" I immediatly do some form of exercise. I take a walk, do some sit ups, what ever. I mentally remove myself from the situation. Hang in there and keep posting!!

[ARTIST658]

Dear Sillycat,

A couple of suggestions... from another 3-5 day recovery relapser of the past!

(1) WHEN you are in the recovery mode, determined and committed to getting clean - TELL YOUR DOCTOR(s) to STOP prescribing any more narcotics for you. Period. Don't leave yourself that safety net to go back and use again. [Being able to do this is a great indicator of your own commitment to recovery -- and when you do it, be sure to acknowledge the courage that took!]

(2) Remind yourself, a craving is NORMAL for us. It does not mean you have to give in! Cravings are simply part of the disease, part of that addiction trying to pull you back in -- and you can stay strong until they pass. We have re-wired our minds and bodies to only feel "normal" with the drug in us. So our body and mind fight giving them up. We have to retrain our system to become accustomed to being drug-free once again. The cravings DO lessen - considerably, as you go along! It's hardest the first few days, when that's all that is on our mind. The stronger your recovery becomes, the less the cravings. There are ways to deal with the cravings, to help them pass sooner.

(3) There were reasons you were using. There were "things" - situations, people, feelings - you were trying to escape with the drugs. Those "things" will be there, when you're off the drugs. You will need a new way of approaching life, if you want to keep from returning to the pills as your primary coping mechanism. THAT is where NA and AA come in to help. This forum is wonderful, I agree - but it is not a 12-step program, like NA. The 12 steps of recovery are a path to staying clean.

Right now, you're focused on getting clean. But you will need more. It's through active work -going to meetings, working the steps, staying in touch with a sponsor - that we stay clean. Those steps are nothing short of miraculous, in turning around the attitudes and behaviors that always led us back to using, in the past.

I can promise you this - had I not worked the 12 steps (and continue to do so), I would not be in recovery today. I had to change ME - the person who turned to drugs to deal with life - in order to deal with life now, drug-free.

God bless you on your journey - you are in my prayers,
Ruth

[sillycat]

Gee thanks guys!! I feel different this time around. I laughed earlier, a real belly laugh like a child. It is the little things like that that help me through everyday. I actually have a huge support system family, friends, church and now ya'll. I have been pretending like everything is alright for so long when everyone knows that i have lost my sparkle and i am not the same.
I cleaned my house earlier since I was up before the flippin sun. I find that you feel so much better if you force yourself to get up get out and do something. Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday party,( yes i am a mom, the stay at home kind in the burbs), i plan on being sober for this gathering. I hope that day by day and maybe hour by hour I will reach 90 says too and maybe I can help others lost like I am today...
My daughter is up now we are going to the pumpkin patch today and going to the party store. I'll check in later. Thanks again for welcoming me and offering your support.

[TTTDogs]

Hey Sillycat - GREAT JOB - holding the course - I am on day 5 of a w/d for a 10 year morphine addiction and literally feel your pain - days 2,3 and 4 were really tough for me but now I have come out on the other side and everything is getting better by the day - it sounds like this time you are really ready to put this behind you - we just need yo discover and learn to love our authentic selves - something I have to admit - I am a little scared of - ......... Stay strong - stay well - Stay clean!

TTT

[notanotherday]

i feel your pain, sillycat. i'm on day 11, with a surgery under my belt today as well. this site has literally saved my life. i'm not a social butterfly, so this is my suppot system, along with a wonderful husband.
a few things from my perspective, give yourself credit for each and every small victory, no matter how small you might think it is because every second, every minute you don't take a pill is a victory. focus on the positive and don't beat yourself up. deep breathing has worked for me, as well as just rambling on and on here. somehow, getting it out in the open makes me feel better. some days will be better than others. day 9 was by far the worst day ever aside from the first 4 days. it might have even been worse than the first 4. screaming is optional lol.
there are a lot of wonderful people here who have inspired me. read through the threads, find inspiration. you can do this.

[Freedom4me]

Sillycat,
You doing okay? Just curious how you are feeling.

[etnarasuile]

Please read these article I wrote about drugs, I hope it can help you to make a final decision. You can post anything you want there and I promise ill reply with good advice

http://quitdrugs-etnarasuile.blogspot.com/