Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 30 of 36
i am so stupid
  1. #1
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default i am so stupid

    My boyfriend ruined my birthday. My parents came to visit and they were waiting for us in the car and i go to see what is taking him so long. What do i find? Him in my bathroom sniffing a f---ing pill. We got in this huge argument him telling me im crazy i dont know what im talking about it was just suboxone (hes an oxy user)...yet he couldnt show me any more suboxones and would not let me see the item he sniffed it with. I did something stupid and i pushed him. I dont know why i did it but i did. He went into the bedroom and stayed there the rest of my birthday. Then he wakes up tells me he has to go back to NY right now, as in like hes putting his clothesw on to walk out the door. He wasnt supposed to go back unitll monday. His car is broken so he takes mine. He told me he needs money to get home and what do i do? I have him my last $60 when he is the reason i couldnt even pay my rent this month. Im sure he plans on breaking up with me when he gets back but didnt yesterday because he needs my car and my money. I feel like my head and my heart are split into a million pieces. This is the man i was supposed to marry. Right not we are doing nothing but bringing out the worst in eachother but i am not sure how to walk away. I am so mad at myself for pushing him and him for not even beihng able to let me have one day where he wasnt a complete asshole. I am lost and scared and hurt and have no one to talk to. My best friend is slipping further away every day. Somebody please help me because otherwise i think i will break.

  2. #2
    Freedom4me is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    1,331

    Default

    worried,
    Don't beat yourself up. Sounds like he has a problem. You can't change him if he does. It's very had to deal with other people when you are high and oxy is hard drug to kick. Can you sit down and talk to him in a kind and caring way and tell him you are worried about him? Maybe some time apart will do you both good. Good luck and don't give up on him if you love him.

  3. #3
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Freedom4me View Post
    worried,
    Don't beat yourself up. Sounds like he has a problem. You can't change him if he does. It's very had to deal with other people when you are high and oxy is hard drug to kick. Can you sit down and talk to him in a kind and caring way and tell him you are worried about him? Maybe some time apart will do you both good. Good luck and don't give up on him if you love him.
    i do love him very much. The biggest problem i have is him lying to me. How am i suppost to be okay with anything if all he ever does is lie. He owes me thousands of dollars and while he is getting high i am struggling to eat and live. When does love stop being enough?

  4. #4
    Psyched is offline Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    208

    Default

    Worried,
    I'm sorry for your pain and for your ruined birthday (happy belated birthday anyway ) , but Freedom's right...he has a problem. I'm sure you'll soon see many responses to this as there are a lot of people here with similar situations and others who have been in your boyfriend's shoes...read their posts and take comfort in knowing that you're not alone here. Unfortunately, you have to ultimately decide if you're willing to put up with his addiction and hope he will get help or if you should cut your losses and take care of you. No one here can make that decision for you, BUT I will just bet you'll get a lot of good feedback to help you decide what to do. Good luck.

  5. #5
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,515

    Default

    We all have done things we regret. I have lashed out at my daughter when she was doing drugs. It seems that I was swinging at the drug. All I can say is take time away. Learn to live your life without a drug addict in it. You are not married. It may turn out he gets clean, then you can be with the one you love. From experience as a parent of a >>>>>> addict, it's a long road. Find yourself first. Take time away to think about what kind of life you want and what you have now. Are they the same? Think long and hard, only you know the answer.

  6. #6
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kathleen5hockey View Post
    We all have done things we regret. I have lashed out at my daughter when she was doing drugs. It seems that I was swinging at the drug. All I can say is take time away. Learn to live your life without a drug addict in it. You are not married. It may turn out he gets clean, then you can be with the one you love. From experience as a parent of a >>>>>> addict, it's a long road. Find yourself first. Take time away to think about what kind of life you want and what you have now. Are they the same? Think long and hard, only you know the answer.
    Thank you for your response. I have been doing a lot of thinking today. Its been expecially hard for me not feeling like i have someone to talk to seeing as he is my best friend. Before i met him i was abused and i took a lot of that out on myself. He told me i was crazy and that really hit a nerve because there are days when i feel like i am crazy. That i somehow create these problems. Maybe it is true and maybe it isnt. Has anyone gone for professional help before? I am not sure i will have the strength to stay or to go. All i know is that i am tired. I am tired of not trusting him i am tired of the lies i am tired of feeling second best. I am just tired of the mess that my life has become.

  7. #7
    MaisieC is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    699

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by worriedinDE View Post
    Thank you for your response. I have been doing a lot of thinking today. Its been expecially hard for me not feeling like i have someone to talk to seeing as he is my best friend. Before i met him i was abused and i took a lot of that out on myself. He told me i was crazy and that really hit a nerve because there are days when i feel like i am crazy. That i somehow create these problems. Maybe it is true and maybe it isnt. Has anyone gone for professional help before? I am not sure i will have the strength to stay or to go. All i know is that i am tired. I am tired of not trusting him i am tired of the lies i am tired of feeling second best. I am just tired of the mess that my life has become.
    Hi worried,

    I think you are still being abused. He has taken advantage of you terribly, and then he tells you that you're crazy. And you're worried that you pushed him.

    Professional help with relationships can be a real life-saver. It's not whether you're "crazy" or not...and I wouldn't listen to a thing he says. It's about finding a way to have happy and rewarding relationships. I think it would be a great idea to find a therapist to talk to.

    Please take good care of yourself.

    Maisie

  8. #8
    Freedom4me is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    1,331

    Default

    Worried,
    I hope you are feeling better today and have had some time to get your thoughts together. There are alot of services out there for people who need to talk. Do you have a pastor that you could look to for some counseling?

  9. #9
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    669

    Default

    Worried,

    MY husbands favorite line was "you're crazy" and I WAS!! I spent all of my time consuming myself with his addiction, not really enabling but co-dependant for sure. I would check phone records, bank statements, time his trips to the store, give him drug tests at home, etc. I was a basket case. It took me a long time to detach and realize that this is something that he has to do for himself and not something I could force upon him. I finally threw his a$$ out, he wound up in jail, now in 6 month rehab and I ahve never seen him look better. They say (and I hate this saying but it's rang so true in my experience) that everything happens for a reason, no one wants to hear that when you are on the $hit end of the stick but once it's all said and done, something positive usually comes about (again, in my experience) and when I am the one on the $hit end of the stick and someone says that to me, I will most likely tell them the f off so understood if that's how you feel. I just want you to know that I have been there, I have laid my hands on my husband. We get so emotional and lose control over something that has been out of our control all along. The lying and manipulation is the worst feeling in the world. I lost so much self worth trying to fix him that once he was gone I couldn't believe I had allowed myself and my son to live like that for so long. When he was first arrested and his addiction came to light I did everything I could to save him from himself but nothing to save me from him. I was physically and mentally drained. There was no me time, ever.

    You sound worried when you say you think he was going to break up with you. I seriously doubt it, you give him money and transportation, he isn't going anywhere. My advice STOP!! No more "I can't pay my rent because I gave him my money." Where will you live when and if you get evicted? Surely he will try to ride your coat tails as long as you let him. He needs a job, bills, and recovery to make it. He is going to keep sinking further and further into this addiction the longer you allow him the luxuries that you do. He needs to suffer the consequences for his actions. He verbally abuses you, pushes you to the point of sheer rage, uses you for your car and money. Hon, this situation keeps getting worse by the moment and his goal solely is to consume his life with figuring out a way to get high. That's no life at all and it's a bad relationship to hold onto if the addict isn't willing to accept help. You cannot force him to stop.

    I hope he does choose to get help, but unless he makes that decision sadly he is going to continue in this downward spiral of addiction which could ultimately end in his demise. So many people never recover from addiction and we lengthen the process by enabling their behaviors, allowing these things to continue going on without some sort of consequence. Be strong, put your foot down, no empty threats, no kicking and screaming just a black and white situation, you want to use, get out, don't call me, you want to get help and I will be here to support you. I hope things start looking up for you soon, please keep us posted.
    "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it."

  10. #10
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lost83 View Post
    Worried,

    MY husbands favorite line was "you're crazy" and I WAS!! I spent all of my time consuming myself with his addiction, not really enabling but co-dependant for sure. I would check phone records, bank statements, time his trips to the store, give him drug tests at home, etc. I was a basket case. It took me a long time to detach and realize that this is something that he has to do for himself and not something I could force upon him. I finally threw his a$$ out, he wound up in jail, now in 6 month rehab and I ahve never seen him look better. They say (and I hate this saying but it's rang so true in my experience) that everything happens for a reason, no one wants to hear that when you are on the $hit end of the stick but once it's all said and done, something positive usually comes about (again, in my experience) and when I am the one on the $hit end of the stick and someone says that to me, I will most likely tell them the f off so understood if that's how you feel. I just want you to know that I have been there, I have laid my hands on my husband. We get so emotional and lose control over something that has been out of our control all along. The lying and manipulation is the worst feeling in the world. I lost so much self worth trying to fix him that once he was gone I couldn't believe I had allowed myself and my son to live like that for so long. When he was first arrested and his addiction came to light I did everything I could to save him from himself but nothing to save me from him. I was physically and mentally drained. There was no me time, ever.

    You sound worried when you say you think he was going to break up with you. I seriously doubt it, you give him money and transportation, he isn't going anywhere. My advice STOP!! No more "I can't pay my rent because I gave him my money." Where will you live when and if you get evicted? Surely he will try to ride your coat tails as long as you let him. He needs a job, bills, and recovery to make it. He is going to keep sinking further and further into this addiction the longer you allow him the luxuries that you do. He needs to suffer the consequences for his actions. He verbally abuses you, pushes you to the point of sheer rage, uses you for your car and money. Hon, this situation keeps getting worse by the moment and his goal solely is to consume his life with figuring out a way to get high. That's no life at all and it's a bad relationship to hold onto if the addict isn't willing to accept help. You cannot force him to stop.

    I hope he does choose to get help, but unless he makes that decision sadly he is going to continue in this downward spiral of addiction which could ultimately end in his demise. So many people never recover from addiction and we lengthen the process by enabling their behaviors, allowing these things to continue going on without some sort of consequence. Be strong, put your foot down, no empty threats, no kicking and screaming just a black and white situation, you want to use, get out, don't call me, you want to get help and I will be here to support you. I hope things start looking up for you soon, please keep us posted.
    I find it amazing that i am so educated and yet i am so helpless and hurting and weak. He came home from work today (where btw he makes 2x more money than i do) angry the moment he walked in. He rushed straight into the br and locked the door. I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me he is using. I ask and he gets pissed off. I am lying awake in bed thinking: is this going to be the rest of my life? I am not sure which part of me is more afraid the part that thinks he will stay or the part that thinks he will go. I cant sleep so i get up and i think i wonder if hes got pills in his pocket so i look in his shorts but there isnt anything there. I look in my car. What do i find? A money order for $250 to some guy i dont even know. So i look at his phone and there are all these calls and texts to ppl i know he used to do drugs with and ppl with nick names like "Score" and "Buck". And hes got a phone book in my car he used to sniff pills on. Im sitting in my living room and i am paralyzed. I am only 20 years old which at my age my parents were married and had a child but i feel...i dont know. I want him to admit to me that he is using. Which he will never do if i do not find a pill. I need to hear him tell me how he lied to me and used me for everything he could get...LOST how did you find the strength to tell your husband to leave if he would not get help for his addiction?

  11. #11
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MaisieC View Post
    Hi worried,

    I think you are still being abused. He has taken advantage of you terribly, and then he tells you that you're crazy. And you're worried that you pushed him.

    Professional help with relationships can be a real life-saver. It's not whether you're "crazy" or not...and I wouldn't listen to a thing he says. It's about finding a way to have happy and rewarding relationships. I think it would be a great idea to find a therapist to talk to.

    Please take good care of yourself.

    Maisie
    Thank you for your support. I hope i can find the strength within myself to seek the additional help i feel i need.

  12. #12
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Freedom4me View Post
    Worried,
    I hope you are feeling better today and have had some time to get your thoughts together. There are alot of services out there for people who need to talk. Do you have a pastor that you could look to for some counseling?
    Freedom,
    Thank you for your reply. I wish i could say that today was a better day but it is not. I have not been to church in many years b/c of some past personal issues. I checked with my insurance and they will pay for a therapist but i am affraid the copay is a bit more than i can afford right now. Maybe after my classes get out i will have the time to attend some meetings/support groups. I do not have many close friends in which i feel i can confide. Speeking with all of you has helped more than you will ever know. Your words fill me with the strength i need.

  13. #13
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    669

    Default

    Worried,

    I finally got the courage to throw him out when I realized I had no control over his addiction and all my attempts to "help" him had failed because he wasn't ready to change. My son played a big part in all this as our living environment was always stressful and my son tuned into it and it showed in his behavior. It was not easy for me to finally tell him he had to go. I was so scared of how I would make it without him. I am struggling but still making it. It's totally worth it not to have that pit in the bottom of my stomach every day wondering and investigating to find out whether or not he is using. I am enjoying my life!

    I am very hard headed and don't bow down easily when I suspect something is up, I push the issue until he cracks. That doesn't always happen and he would manipulate the hell out of me including the infamous "your crazy" line that would throw me off the handle. He wants to deny using, I'd throw a random drug test at him, if he refuses that just confirms what you seem to already know. If his income is twice that of yours there should be no reason for you to have to give him money and not be able to pay your rent.

    ASk yourself what you want out of life, certainly this is not the way you want to live and it will continue to get worse the longer it goes on. You are 20 years old, you should be living the life right now, no kids, living on your own, have a job etc. You have so much going for you. You can attempt to get through to him but realize if you can't and he isn't willing and ready that you do have control over your life, you can choose not to stand by his side while he is doing drugs and using you.
    "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it."

  14. #14
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lost83 View Post
    Worried,

    I finally got the courage to throw him out when I realized I had no control over his addiction and all my attempts to "help" him had failed because he wasn't ready to change. My son played a big part in all this as our living environment was always stressful and my son tuned into it and it showed in his behavior. It was not easy for me to finally tell him he had to go. I was so scared of how I would make it without him. I am struggling but still making it. It's totally worth it not to have that pit in the bottom of my stomach every day wondering and investigating to find out whether or not he is using. I am enjoying my life!

    I am very hard headed and don't bow down easily when I suspect something is up, I push the issue until he cracks. That doesn't always happen and he would manipulate the hell out of me including the infamous "your crazy" line that would throw me off the handle. He wants to deny using, I'd throw a random drug test at him, if he refuses that just confirms what you seem to already know. If his income is twice that of yours there should be no reason for you to have to give him money and not be able to pay your rent.

    ASk yourself what you want out of life, certainly this is not the way you want to live and it will continue to get worse the longer it goes on. You are 20 years old, you should be living the life right now, no kids, living on your own, have a job etc. You have so much going for you. You can attempt to get through to him but realize if you can't and he isn't willing and ready that you do have control over your life, you can choose not to stand by his side while he is doing drugs and using you.
    I see what your saying and i mean everything is always so much clearer in text its black and white not these infinous shades of gray you know? The drug testing is not a terrible idea, except he offered to do one before and i said no. I guess that just shows how idiotic i really am.

    And no constantly questioning every move he makes is not the way i want to live my life. And maybe if we hadnt lost everything before he was willing to admit he had a problem i wouldnt be so damn suspicious. I am not a perfect being i do not expect him to be perfect either but i expect honesty and respect and right now i am not getting that. I plan to sit down and speak with him tonight because i found a money order to some guy ive never heard of before, an empty dime bag with powder in it, a credit card he told me he got rid of and yes i snooped because i had that feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me something was wrong. And i am going to try and be strong and give him a chance to be honest and go for help but if he denys using his butt is gunna be on the curb...

    I pray i have the strength to hold true to my words. Thank you for your encouragement and support.

  15. #15
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    669

    Default

    Worried,

    You are not idiotic, if he was offering than chances were he hadn't used most recently and would have passed, random is the only way to go, an addict can do things to manipulate most every situation and make us feel like we are the crazy ones. They can pass drug tests with flying colors is they know one is coming. Don't be too hard on yourself.

    I think sitting down and speaking to him rationally is a great idea. I wouldn't sugar coat your feelings and suspicions. You obviously have a great deal to be suspicious about. Just remember they will try to flip the script and make you feel like all of this is your fault, don't cave into it. It's balls to the wall right now.

    You do deserve honesty and respect and until he comes out of the clouds and gets some recovery under his belt, he isn't going to be capable of giving you those 2 things. Good luck worried, please let us know how it goes.
    "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it."

  16. #16
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default Update

    Came home early from class today to suprise my boyfriend. I walked in on him sniffing an oxy 80. I finally did it i gathered up all of the courage i had and i broke up with him. I flushed his oxy down the toilette and he had a fit. Telling me im the reason he does drugs and he cant wait to be rid of me and how much i f***ed up his life. I told him to get his ******** and leave. If he decided he was serious about getting clean and went into treatment to give me a call and he pretty much told me that was never gunna happen. So im now out 4,000 but atleast he wont be sucking any more money out of my accounts. Im not really sure how i feel right now. Some support from you guys would be great.

  17. #17
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    669

    Default

    Worried,

    I am sure that wasn't easy for you and he tried to manipulate you the whole way with "your the reason I do drug" BS!! You know that. I think you did the right thing although it may not have been easy. It's very hard at first, once the anger isn't at the forefront anymore you will start to worry about him but stick to your guns and don't let him back in until he is clean and working a program. It's like for the addict, the easy part is getting clean and the hard part is staying clean, and for us the easy part is throwing them out, the hard part is sticking to it no matter what.

    Things will start to get easier for you, eventually. I still have my bad days, yesterday was one of them. But I got through it and today I am feeling better. Be thankful their are no children involved and you aren't married. Plus you get to hang on to some of your money. I know it's hard squeaking by on one income but you'll be surprised what you can do when you have to. Cutting corners isn't fun but the satisfaction of making it on your own is priceless even if you do have to reach out for help occasionally.

    Another plus is you don't have to watch over anyone else. You don't have kids so you shouldn't have to play detective to anyone to get the truth. With that burden being lifted from your shoulders, I can guarantee your life will improve drastically and you will look back and know you made the right decision. Be strong. Let me know how things are going.
    "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it."

  18. #18
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lost83 View Post
    Worried,

    I am sure that wasn't easy for you and he tried to manipulate you the whole way with "your the reason I do drug" BS!! You know that. I think you did the right thing although it may not have been easy. It's very hard at first, once the anger isn't at the forefront anymore you will start to worry about him but stick to your guns and don't let him back in until he is clean and working a program. It's like for the addict, the easy part is getting clean and the hard part is staying clean, and for us the easy part is throwing them out, the hard part is sticking to it no matter what.

    Things will start to get easier for you, eventually. I still have my bad days, yesterday was one of them. But I got through it and today I am feeling better. Be thankful their are no children involved and you aren't married. Plus you get to hang on to some of your money. I know it's hard squeaking by on one income but you'll be surprised what you can do when you have to. Cutting corners isn't fun but the satisfaction of making it on your own is priceless even if you do have to reach out for help occasionally.

    Another plus is you don't have to watch over anyone else. You don't have kids so you shouldn't have to play detective to anyone to get the truth. With that burden being lifted from your shoulders, I can guarantee your life will improve drastically and you will look back and know you made the right decision. Be strong. Let me know how things are going.
    My heart just literally aches and maybe this is the best thing in the long run but i just lost my best friend in the world and i dont think i know how to handle that.

  19. #19
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,515

    Default

    Congrats! I am very proud of you. Don't listen to the bull that he does drugs because of you, I hear that from my daughter. There are places to get counceling free of charge. In CT if you dial 211 they can help you. If not look in the yellow pages for Regional Rehab. Please seek out others, it did help me. You are not alone, but the more you feed into the addiction the worse it will be for you.

    Take care.

  20. #20
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kathleen5hockey View Post
    Congrats! I am very proud of you. Don't listen to the bull that he does drugs because of you, I hear that from my daughter. There are places to get counceling free of charge. In CT if you dial 211 they can help you. If not look in the yellow pages for Regional Rehab. Please seek out others, it did help me. You are not alone, but the more you feed into the addiction the worse it will be for you.

    Take care.
    i just i am so hurt and frustraited. I offered this man everything i had and it was not as important to him as drugs. How can love not be enough. How can someone throw away a 2 year relationship like it was last weeks left overs. I want so badly to get through to him but i dont know how. The harder i try to get him help the harder he pushes. I basically kicked him out into the streets. What kind of person does that make me?

  21. #21
    tired2 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Chicago,Il
    Posts
    1,039

    Default run

    Quote Originally Posted by worriedinDE View Post
    My boyfriend ruined my birthday. My parents came to visit and they were waiting for us in the car and i go to see what is taking him so long. What do i find? Him in my bathroom sniffing a f---ing pill. We got in this huge argument him telling me im crazy i dont know what im talking about it was just suboxone (hes an oxy user)...yet he couldnt show me any more suboxones and would not let me see the item he sniffed it with. I did something stupid and i pushed him. I dont know why i did it but i did. He went into the bedroom and stayed there the rest of my birthday. Then he wakes up tells me he has to go back to NY right now, as in like hes putting his clothesw on to walk out the door. He wasnt supposed to go back unitll monday. His car is broken so he takes mine. He told me he needs money to get home and what do i do? I have him my last $60 when he is the reason i couldnt even pay my rent this month. Im sure he plans on breaking up with me when he gets back but didnt yesterday because he needs my car and my money. I feel like my head and my heart are split into a million pieces. This is the man i was supposed to marry. Right not we are doing nothing but bringing out the worst in eachother but i am not sure how to walk away. I am so mad at myself for pushing him and him for not even beihng able to let me have one day where he wasnt a complete asshole. I am lost and scared and hurt and have no one to talk to. My best friend is slipping further away every day. Somebody please help me because otherwise i think i will break.
    First of all you did nothing wrong ...the guy sounds like a JERK if he wants drugs and you think he is going to break up with you and you can't pay your rent due to him (which I'm sure it' for a drug habit). Don't give him your car or money he'll find a way...he found pills he can find his way home .
    You heart will heal ever hear the saying "Once An A**hole always A***hole"
    You don't snort Suboxone.
    It will get worse as time goes on trust me I've been there . Do you live in your own place if so tell him straight up to leave. By the way I wouldn't walk I'd run fast...There are many good guys out there you don't need to start a marriage this way it's sure not to work.
    Good Luck
    Last edited by tired2; 05-08-2009 at 09:11 PM.

  22. #22
    Psyched is offline Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    208

    Default

    Worried,
    You HAVE to stop taking the blame your boyfriend put on you. Look at it like this: You didn't make him start abusing drugs nor ask for his money problems and the bad feelings he was causing you to feel, right? If you answered "NO", then none of this can be YOUR fault. I'm almost positive you were in love with the man you THOUGHT this guy was; you definitely don't deserve the **** he's been dishing out to you! I realize that this won't make the feelings you HAD for him go away, but you need to realize that right now his drugs are more important to him than you OR your feelings. You deserve to be happy so please don't feel guilty. In time, if he can get his **** together and get off the drugs, maybe you two can have a life together. Right now though, it's time for you to move on and concentrate on taking care of you. You do DESERVE to be happy! Remember, love is a TWO-WAY street. I wish you the best of luck!

  23. #23
    kathleen5hockey is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,515

    Default

    I know you are hurting right now, you must focus on yourself. Take a long bath with candles, go out and walk the woods/beach. Cry, concentrate on you. It does sound selfish but it is the only way I have survived living almost 3 yrs with my daughter and >>>>>>. Loosing $4/k is a bargain compared with loosing your future. We all make mistakes, sometimes we think we see the person inside our love but I have found that we make ourselves see what we want. Stay strong, finally do what YOU want to do, it doesn't have to cost anything. Money will come again, don't worry. Don't let him back. It takes a long time to quit this addiction and you are not legally responsible for him, you may think you are emotionally responsible but you are not.

  24. #24
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default additional update

    okay. so i sold back the necklace he gave me for my birthday and used the money to pay bills and treat myself to some small shopping therapy. I ended up talking to him afterwards. I dont think he really thought i was serious untill he knew that i was willing to sell the things he gave me. After getting really angry and blaming me some more he broke down and said that i was right he admitted that he was an addict and that he was willing to get some help. So maybe its BS and maybe it the truth i am not sure yet. I want to believe him but i will be true to my word. I told him if he got the help then we could work on our relationship. Hes been really sick the last couple of months with stomach pain and daily vomitting which he couldnt go to the MD for because he didnt have insurance. He says thats part of the reason he started using again that hes afraid something is really wrong. DO you think i am stupid to believe that? His insurance kicks in monday so hes going to see a physicain about the stomach stuff and a councler for the addiction and i am going to go see someone also to help me deal with all of this. I know i sound like a broken record but i do love this man and if he is willing to put the effort in to be clean and fix this than i will to. There are some things that have changed and will stay changed. He has no more access to my cars or my money. Period. Also if i suspect he is using i am drugs testing him. No questions asked and if he refuses then he shouldnt bother coming back. i dont if i am doing the right thing but i feel stronger then i have in months. I appreciate the continued support and advice. Thank you everyone.

  25. #25
    Lost83 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    669

    Default

    Worried,

    I think that's great that he WANTS help. Maybe you kicking him out was a huge reality check for him. I think your game plan is good as long as you follow through. I am all for giving support to someone who wants to help themselves. Just keep your eyes open, don't believe any bs, if you suspect something is up, it probably is. Good luck, I hope everythign works out.
    "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it."

  26. #26
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lost83 View Post
    Worried,

    I think that's great that he WANTS help. Maybe you kicking him out was a huge reality check for him. I think your game plan is good as long as you follow through. I am all for giving support to someone who wants to help themselves. Just keep your eyes open, don't believe any bs, if you suspect something is up, it probably is. Good luck, I hope everythign works out.
    okay so he is going to NY tonight to see his parents. I am freeking out because he keeps getting all these calls and texts from people he did drugs with and like i get that the only people he is friends with are people who do drugs but i am super anxious. I want him to believe him and i want to trust him but i just dont. Ive decided that i am drug testing him when he gets back on wednesday and i hope the test is negative because if its not in 3 days hes already broken every promise hes made and he obviously is not serious about getting help. oh well i dont know

  27. #27
    kaylee2263 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    1

    Default

    Hi Worried in DE, I hope you are doing better, I know how it feels to be in a situation like that I felt used, ashamed, embarrassed, worthless, neglected, angry, stupid and the list goes on....What I have learned is that I am worth more than being treated like that! You sound like a good person! I know it's hard but and this is just my opinion, If I were you I'd get out now, that's how things started off with my relationships (2) and it just got worse and worse, the control factor got so bad that I was constantly walking on eggshells, did I say the right thing not to make him mad, is he going to like what I am wearing or yell at me and tell me I look like a sl-t, is he going to hit me or try to push me down the stairs again? These are the things I delt with everyday on and off for 10 (that's what I call stupid!!!) I understand you are hesitant to break up but let me tell you something, I did and I could not be happier or feel safer and I have more confidence in myself than ever! Another thing I did was write a list of pros and cons, it helps put things into perspective! Also maybe a list on what you wanted to accomplish but have been held back because of this problem. I hope I helped you a little, I didn't mean to bring you down but I read signs that were popping out at me telling me this is not a good situation for you, the choice is yours remember that! I just hope you do what good and healthy for yourself!! Good luck! Kaylee

  28. #28
    Psyched is offline Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    208

    Default

    Worried,
    YOU GO GIRL!!! I know it hurts to put the screws to somebody the way you had to, but I think you realize now that HIS addiction was causing YOU problems too and that's not fair! I hope everything works out for you, BUT if it doesn't, NO ONE can say that YOU didn't put forth the effort. You should pat yourself on the back for sticking to your guns, but remember: he didn't get this way over night and he's probably going to fall a few times before he gets to where he needs to be...you just hang in there and keep telling yourself that it's for HIS own good and YOUR sanity/well-being!

  29. #29
    worriedinDE is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    22

    Default The final blow up

    yesterday was seriously the end. It has to be. We got into an argument over me not trusting him and looking at his cell (which mind you i paid the bill for) and he flew off the handle telling me im just some stupid little girl and i dont know WTF im talking about and he was in my face yelling and i asked him to get his stuff and leave because he was making me unconfortable which is when he pushed me a couple feet back into the wall. I couldnt believe it never not once has he layed a finder on me. He starts yelling at me to get out of the room and i say no this is my room my house and i am not going anywhere he is. Thats when he wraps his flipping belt around his fist as i back myself against the wall and hes going well are you scared yet because you sure as hell better be and hes got my jaw clasped in his hand and then all i see is his arm swinging. Luckily he decided it would be a better idea to put a hole in my wall than me. I really feel like i have a sign attached to me that says "IDIOT: Feel free to use". I am scared and angry and ashamed and i have so many feelings inside me that im not sure what to do with them.

  30. #30
    MaisieC is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    699

    Default

    Worried,

    What he did was CRIMINAL, literally. Break it off, change the locks, talk to the police. He doesn't have access to your money anymore, does he? Make sure he doesn't.

    Seriously, you should talk to the police. I know most women don't want to press charges, and you don't have to, but you need to tell someone and get some information about what your options are. Don't allow him to keep you isolated and terrified.

    I'm sorry he's turned like this. We commonly say, "it's not him, it's the drugs." But drugs don't have a fist. If he smashes your face in, it's him doing it. You need to get away from this man.

    Please be safe and let us know how you're doing.

    Take good care,
    Maisie

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22