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Hydro Addict first time
  1. #1
    icjoe is offline Member
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    Default Hydro Addict first time

    Wow I am glad I happened upon this forum. I have read so many stories that all sound like me. I feel alone and of course ashamed. I am writing this as a way for me to deal with my addiction and maybe some success conquering it.

    I was prescribed a cough surup at least 4 years ago that contained codiene (sorry I am a bad speller). I never had something like that before. It ran out and I just stopped. A little while later my wife had a baby and was prescribed Hydrocodone for possible pain. I had injured myself (and it's been so long I do not remember how) and so I took one. I got "that feeling" again. This time I had 50+ pills and was only taking 1 at a time and only on the weekends. Well that will only last so long because there was a limit on how many I had access to. After those ran out I just didn't have access until a person I know told me he had access to them and could sell them to me. At that point realizing I had an addictive personality I should have said hell no. Instead I did what a lot of people do I rationalized it and made up "rules". Only on the weekend and only 1 at a time per day.

    Like everybody the 1 pill a day stopped cutting it after a while so I went to 1 1/2. The weekend started on Thursday and ended Tuesday, as far as my pla was concerned.

    Now it's been 3+ years and I take 1 1/2 to 3 pills a night. 7.5-750 and even as I write this I am saying to myself "it's not anywhere near as bad as others" and I am shaking my head.

    My health has dropped significantly and I feel like ???? everyday. Mostly GI issues and I am afraid that I am giving myself liver disease. I read up on it and it says chemical liver disease stops when you stop the chemical causing it. DUH! Why can't I stop??? I am addicted.

    I have NO, ZERO, NADA actual pain that needs to be managed. I have a beautiful wife and loving children that have no idea. I have a good job and a decent life. I am killing myself with this drug and need to stop.

    Recently I have stopped for 1 week at a time intervals. I kept telling myself I will go back to taking only on weekends. I will only finish what I have left. I had not seemed to have the w/d like I thought and maybe that's good and maybe that's bad. I never gave myself long enough to determine what I am feeling.

    i have 6 pills left of the 7.5 and probably 8 or so of 5-500. I keep telling myself to march to the bathroom and flush them all. Then a voice in my head says to just taper off and finish them. Start on Monday.

    I am ready to feel good again and not pill good but actual good. It's been a long scary road. Thank you for whomever is reading this post. I am not sure I will post again or not and I have not decided what to do about the pills I have left. I know what I should do I just don't know if I can.

  2. #2
    icjoe is offline Member
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    I turn 40 in 2 weeks and I do not want to start the second part of my life as an addict.

  3. #3
    tf1
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    I'm with you brother. I have almost the exact same story. Hydro started out as a weekend thing and I had rules. 1 on the weekend because 2 and then Friday was ok and then Monday and then...

    The good thing is as far as I can tell, you're not in too deep at this point. I'm kind of at the same point. I've been taking anywhere from 2-8 pills a day for a while now mostly around 5.

    I had about 20 of the 10/325's left and I just dumped them. I decided to go cold turkey today. I messed around w/ trying to taper off in the past and everytime I ended up cheating on it. I haven't had anything at all. I feel anxiety but I'm going to stick it out.

    We're in the same boat my friend. You can do this. Keep posting and I'll keep posting too. We need help and this seems like a great place to get it.

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    Hi icjoe, just wanted to say welcome and hope you do keep posting, it does help to put our thoughts down and know others are out here who are going through the same thing. Of course you know you should just flush the rest of the pills, and you CAN, you just have to WANT it enough. I also had a "little pill problem", wasn't taking that much, but I HAD to have it and would do whatever I needed to be sure that I did.

    It has been over 5 weeks now since my last hydro and while that didn't solve all my problems, still having good days and bad days, but I have a much clearer head, not to mention more time and money!

    Good Luck, you can kick this if you want to.

  5. #5
    icjoe is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by HopefulnHouston View Post
    Hi icjoe, just wanted to say welcome and hope you do keep posting, it does help to put our thoughts down and know others are out here who are going through the same thing. Of course you know you should just flush the rest of the pills, and you CAN, you just have to WANT it enough. I also had a "little pill problem", wasn't taking that much, but I HAD to have it and would do whatever I needed to be sure that I did.

    It has been over 5 weeks now since my last hydro and while that didn't solve all my problems, still having good days and bad days, but I have a much clearer head, not to mention more time and money!

    Good Luck, you can kick this if you want to.
    Thank you both for responding. I feel so alone in this but I am glad to have people who understand what this is like. Hopeful I am wondering that now you are 5 weeks out was there ever a point where you felt "I actually feel better" I know this is what I want?

  6. #6
    icjoe is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by tf1 View Post
    I'm with you brother. I have almost the exact same story. Hydro started out as a weekend thing and I had rules. 1 on the weekend because 2 and then Friday was ok and then Monday and then...

    The good thing is as far as I can tell, you're not in too deep at this point. I'm kind of at the same point. I've been taking anywhere from 2-8 pills a day for a while now mostly around 5.

    I had about 20 of the 10/325's left and I just dumped them. I decided to go cold turkey today. I messed around w/ trying to taper off in the past and everytime I ended up cheating on it. I haven't had anything at all. I feel anxiety but I'm going to stick it out.

    We're in the same boat my friend. You can do this. Keep posting and I'll keep posting too. We need help and this seems like a great place to get it.
    tf1 I will keep posting if you do and I will NOT take any tonight. THANK YOU!

  7. #7
    shybaybe2003 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by icjoe View Post
    Wow I am glad I happened upon this forum. I have read so many stories that all sound like me. I feel alone and of course ashamed. I am writing this as a way for me to deal with my addiction and maybe some success conquering it.

    I was prescribed a cough surup at least 4 years ago that contained codiene (sorry I am a bad speller). I never had something like that before. It ran out and I just stopped. A little while later my wife had a baby and was prescribed Hydrocodone for possible pain. I had injured myself (and it's been so long I do not remember how) and so I took one. I got "that feeling" again. This time I had 50+ pills and was only taking 1 at a time and only on the weekends. Well that will only last so long because there was a limit on how many I had access to. After those ran out I just didn't have access until a person I know told me he had access to them and could sell them to me. At that point realizing I had an addictive personality I should have said hell no. Instead I did what a lot of people do I rationalized it and made up "rules". Only on the weekend and only 1 at a time per day.

    Like everybody the 1 pill a day stopped cutting it after a while so I went to 1 1/2. The weekend started on Thursday and ended Tuesday, as far as my pla was concerned.

    Now it's been 3+ years and I take 1 1/2 to 3 pills a night. 7.5-750 and even as I write this I am saying to myself "it's not anywhere near as bad as others" and I am shaking my head.

    My health has dropped significantly and I feel like ???? everyday. Mostly GI issues and I am afraid that I am giving myself liver disease. I read up on it and it says chemical liver disease stops when you stop the chemical causing it. DUH! Why can't I stop??? I am addicted.

    I have NO, ZERO, NADA actual pain that needs to be managed. I have a beautiful wife and loving children that have no idea. I have a good job and a decent life. I am killing myself with this drug and need to stop.

    Recently I have stopped for 1 week at a time intervals. I kept telling myself I will go back to taking only on weekends. I will only finish what I have left. I had not seemed to have the w/d like I thought and maybe that's good and maybe that's bad. I never gave myself long enough to determine what I am feeling.

    i have 6 pills left of the 7.5 and probably 8 or so of 5-500. I keep telling myself to march to the bathroom and flush them all. Then a voice in my head says to just taper off and finish them. Start on Monday.

    I am ready to feel good again and not pill good but actual good. It's been a long scary road. Thank you for whomever is reading this post. I am not sure I will post again or not and I have not decided what to do about the pills I have left. I know what I should do I just don't know if I can.
    Oh trust me YOU CAN. I started off at taking 2 pills a day, this lasted a year or so. Then 4 or 5. Then last year around april it had progressed to 30 vics a day, among a boatload of other stuff. It will get SO much worse if you dont stop now. And stay stopped. I dont see any point in tapering from your low dose, I think you Just dump the pills NOW, or chance losing everything else down the road. You have an amazing opportunity right now that a lot of us had too, but chose to ignore. You can stop this before it gets so out of control it ruins your life. Good luck to you and please post here again!
    Last edited by shybaybe2003; 06-21-2012 at 02:41 PM.
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  8. #8
    icjoe is offline Member
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    Ok I did it. I just walked down the hallway. I took a look at a picture of my children and I flushed them down the toilet. They are gone. God be with us all. I am READY and WANT to do this. For me and my family.

    I will post tomorrow. TF and anyone plese post as well.
    Last edited by icjoe; 06-21-2012 at 02:41 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by icjoe View Post
    Thank you both for responding. I feel so alone in this but I am glad to have people who understand what this is like. Hopeful I am wondering that now you are 5 weeks out was there ever a point where you felt "I actually feel better" I know this is what I want?
    Absolutely, every day I feel better about not taking pills. The physical wd were really minimal, emotional/mental was a roller coaster for a while, but am pretty much ok now. I still think about taking a pill, had a few dreams about it, have caught myself looking in places where I used to hide the emergency stash. I just come back here and read for a while, post if I need to and keep telling myself I don't need the pills and I won't take one today, maybe tomorrow, but not today.

    Not taking pills is one of the best, if not THE best thing I have ever done for myself, the freedom of not having to take a pill everyday is awesome. I can't think of any good reason why I would ever take another and MANY good reasons why not.

    Can you imagine any reason why you would regret getting rid of something that is robbing you of your life?
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  10. #10
    shybaybe2003 is offline Senior Member
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    If I could I would stand up and clap whoop and whistle for you, But I am in the middle of the library, so i am doing it in my head. GOOD GOING. You got my support too!
    toni.s. likes this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by icjoe View Post
    Ok I did it. I just walked down the hallway. I took a look at a picture of my children and I flushed them down the toilet. They are gone. God be with us all. I am READY and WANT to do this. For me and my family.

    I will post tomorrow. TF and anyone plese post as well.
    I will post tomorrow. TF and anyone plese post as well.[/QUOTE]

    WTG icjoe!!!! You have to be proud of yourself for having the guts to do that. The things I did have to learn, try not to take yourself too seriously, don't beat yourself up, just roll with it and before you know it you will be a week, a month clean and feeling like a new person.

  12. #12
    tf1
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    Quote Originally Posted by icjoe View Post
    Ok I did it. I just walked down the hallway. I took a look at a picture of my children and I flushed them down the toilet. They are gone. God be with us all. I am READY and WANT to do this. For me and my family.

    I will post tomorrow. TF and anyone plese post as well.
    icjoe- I got chills man. I went home at lunch and saw pics of my kids too and dumped the pills! DUDE I'm feeling such great positive energy from you. I'm sweating like a maniac because my body wants the pills but who cares!

    Happy for you man!

  13. #13
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by tf1 View Post
    icjoe- I got chills man. I went home at lunch and saw pics of my kids too and dumped the pills! DUDE I'm feeling such great positive energy from you. I'm sweating like a maniac because my body wants the pills but who cares!

    Happy for you man!
    You guys are AWESOME!

  14. #14
    Restlessly is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by icjoe View Post
    wow i am glad i happened upon this forum. I have read so many stories that all sound like me. I feel alone and of course ashamed. I am writing this as a way for me to deal with my addiction and maybe some success conquering it.

    I was prescribed a cough surup at least 4 years ago that contained codiene (sorry i am a bad speller). I never had something like that before. It ran out and i just stopped. A little while later my wife had a baby and was prescribed hydrocodone for possible pain. I had injured myself (and it's been so long i do not remember how) and so i took one. I got "that feeling" again. This time i had 50+ pills and was only taking 1 at a time and only on the weekends. Well that will only last so long because there was a limit on how many i had access to. After those ran out i just didn't have access until a person i know told me he had access to them and could sell them to me. At that point realizing i had an addictive personality i should have said hell no. Instead i did what a lot of people do i rationalized it and made up "rules". Only on the weekend and only 1 at a time per day.

    Like everybody the 1 pill a day stopped cutting it after a while so i went to 1 1/2. The weekend started on thursday and ended tuesday, as far as my pla was concerned.

    Now it's been 3+ years and i take 1 1/2 to 3 pills a night. 7.5-750 and even as i write this i am saying to myself "it's not anywhere near as bad as others" and i am shaking my head.

    My health has dropped significantly and i feel like ???? Everyday. Mostly gi issues and i am afraid that i am giving myself liver disease. I read up on it and it says chemical liver disease stops when you stop the chemical causing it. Duh! Why can't i stop??? I am addicted.

    I have no, zero, nada actual pain that needs to be managed. I have a beautiful wife and loving children that have no idea. I have a good job and a decent life. I am killing myself with this drug and need to stop.

    Recently i have stopped for 1 week at a time intervals. I kept telling myself i will go back to taking only on weekends. I will only finish what i have left. I had not seemed to have the w/d like i thought and maybe that's good and maybe that's bad. I never gave myself long enough to determine what i am feeling.

    I have 6 pills left of the 7.5 and probably 8 or so of 5-500. I keep telling myself to march to the bathroom and flush them all. Then a voice in my head says to just taper off and finish them. Start on monday.

    I am ready to feel good again and not pill good but actual good. It's been a long scary road. Thank you for whomever is reading this post. I am not sure i will post again or not and i have not decided what to do about the pills i have left. I know what i should do i just don't know if i can.
    .


    You
    can !!!!!!

    .
    toni.s. likes this.

  15. #15
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    You can do this. I did once, then got hooked again. Since then I had to play out the prescription and STILL go through withdrawal-not just once but twice. Senseless extra pain.

    Please follow the advice here; there are very good people, who will support you all the way.
    toni.s. and ClassiqueMom like this.

  16. #16
    chuuuuck is offline Junior Member
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    You all are doing great. Stay mentally strong through the next few days! You can do this.
    toni.s. likes this.

  17. #17
    percohater is offline New Member
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    i also just flushed all my pills 2 days ago (percocets). similar story - no real pain, happy life, but destroying it all with this. i totally understand what it takes to do what you guys did because i just did it, and i salute u.

  18. #18
    Comeback Kid is offline Member
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    ROYAL FLUSH! Way to go guys!
    Quotes that keep me going:

    "Do you have another day 1 in you?"
    "If not now, when?"
    “When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”

    Clean as of 02.03.2012

  19. #19
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    ohhhh myyyy gooooossshhhh!!! i 'landed' on this thread...and my smile grew BIGGER and BIGGER the further i went!!
    i am so frickn happy for u guys!! you are all AMAZING!
    WHAT A THREAD!!
    ClassiqueMom and Comeback Kid like this.

  20. #20
    ClassiqueMom is offline Senior Member
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    sooo... this thread caught my eye.. posted at 3:13

    hmmm.. that's a very special number to me.. so, of course I had
    to stop in and read...

    good to see shybaybe here! giving lots of good advice!
    how you doin' girl?

    thalia's right.. Senseless extra pain

    im here in your corner(s)
    Classique MoM

  21. #21
    ClassiqueMom is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by toni.s. View Post
    i 'landed' on this thread...
    yeah.. that's a likely story!

    Quote Originally Posted by toni.s. View Post
    and my smile grew BIGGER and BIGGER the further i went!!
    i am so frickn happy for u guys!! you are all AMAZING!
    WHAT A THREAD!!
    dittos from meeee too

    CK! whadya think?
    Comeback Kid and toni.s. like this.

  22. #22
    tf1
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    I got to admit I'm feeling pretty lousy right now. To top it all off I just got into a spat with the wife and I'm not feeling great about it. I'm gonna head over to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class and train like a madman to take my mind off it.

  23. #23
    percohater is offline New Member
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    TF it's ok. You are not in the greatest place in the world right now, and we are prone to getting into spats with our significant others. It is not the prettiest part of the WD - and it is difficult for the loved ones who sacrifice themselves to help us. Nevertheless I am also guilty of snapping at my gf today in the midst of WD. She says she understands, but I do know that it still hurts her - and I apologized for it.
    THe key is that this is temporary, and like Reid said it is just a 5 days flu that we will get over. The feelings you have are not permanent and a small price to pay for what you want - and what I know you want - the minute you flushed those pills down the toilet. keep it up, brother

  24. #24
    icjoe is offline Member
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    Ok I made it through the night but I know it's day 2 (I didn't take yesterday) and I am with all of you who flushed with me. Strength in numbers!

  25. #25
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    I really admire you all and wish I had your courage; I am still "tapering". What a waste, and I know it. Keep going you people; it will be better so soon.

  26. #26
    Lost_soldier is offline Member
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    Hey all,
    I just wanted to throw in that ya'll have made an excellent choice and even better that you took steps in the direction that you chose. I also made that choice a while back and have since never been happier. My best advice to you is to post post,and post again. Get mad at it and then realize you are better than you let yourself become. I will be praying and reading as you post. I cannot post as much as I want to due to my geographical location at the moment lol,

    -B

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lost_soldier View Post
    Hey all,
    I just wanted to throw in that ya'll have made an excellent choice and even better that you took steps in the direction that you chose. I also made that choice a while back and have since never been happier. My best advice to you is to post post,and post again. Get mad at it and then realize you are better than you let yourself become. I will be praying and reading as you post. I cannot post as much as I want to due to my geographical location at the moment lol,

    -B
    Hey Soldier,
    Nice to hear from you!
    Glad you are doing well.
    Take care!
    Marian

    Listen to him guys,
    he's had his struggles and has gotten it sounds like...
    good luck to you!

  28. #28
    Lost_soldier is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowwally View Post
    Hey Soldier,
    Nice to hear from you!
    Glad you are doing well.
    Take care!
    Marian

    Listen to him guys,
    he's had his struggles and has gotten it sounds like...
    good luck to you!
    Heya Marian,
    Yes i did struggle for the longest to "stay" clean. I did however eventually get it right lol. (So far) it's been a little over two months now and am feeling like a million bucks. I read here almost daily and wish that i could post more but it just hasn't been possible. I dont want to take away from this thread and hope that i can offer my support as you all did to me. For you two on day 2&3 (i believe) just hang tight. The best way to get past it i found is to do everything in your power to realize that... you feel good. keep a positive mindset and like so many have told me.. "Get mad at it" it is truly trying to kill you so fight back.

    I will try to check in and post often in support of ya'll
    -B
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  29. #29
    icjoe is offline Member
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    TF I am hoping you post soon. How did your night go? I sweated a bunch but more because I was keeping busy. If I can make the weekend I think it will be the best thing ever. Right now I have eliminated any access to more that I had so I am committed.

  30. #30
    tf1
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    The night went fairly smooth actually. I went to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and sparred extremely hard in an effort to make sure I was completely worn out by the time I got home and it worked. I zonked out around 11pm and woke up at 7:30am.

    I'm working from home today and next Monday so I have the next four days to stick it out.

    This morning when I got up, my normal routine is to grab the pills I'm going to take for the day. Instead I hugged my wife and told her how much I loved her. I feel like a million bucks right now.
    ClassiqueMom likes this.

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