| || |
- 1 Post By FrustratedAndTired
husband with drug addiction-need to get this off my chest
husband with drug addiction-need to get this off my chest
I'm new to this forum. I've been looking for online support for awhile now. Glad I found this forum that have recents posts. I was hestistant to share my story with strangers but I feel like I really need to get this off my chest. I have not told my family what I've been struggling with because I feel ashamed.
I've been married to a prescription drug addict for I think 6 years. The addiction has gotten worse. He's snorting hydrocodone. I've been looking for a divorce lawyer. I have to protect my children.
My husband overdosed in May this year. A week before my son's first birthday. I found him in the bed faced down with watery substances coming out of his mouth. His eyes were half opened. He was making this gurgling sounds out of his nose. I tried to wake him but couldn't. I called 911. Ambulance, fire truck and cops came to my front door pretty quickly. I had my son in my arms, my older daughers awake and asking questions. Paramedic quickly got my husband off the bed and tried to save his life. Cops asked me if I'm aware he was abusing drugs. I said no I lied. It was obvious to the paramedics that my husband had overdosed on prescription drugs. They took him away to the hospital. Paramedics told me I saved my husband life by calling for help. After he was treated and released the next day he told me he would never do it again; he mixed hydrocodone and morphine.
My heart is getting cold. This isn't the first time he has done something like this. When he's not popping pills, he's drinking. He drinks and drives the children around. He would drink in the car in the drive way, and then drives to pick up the kids from school. He would steal money from the kids so he can go buy beer. He gets mad at the kids when they tell me what has been going on. I work full time away from home. I've been the breadwinner for 4 years since he quit his job. I pay all the bills. My chlldren are scared to tell me when something is wrong.
I have confronted him MANY times and tried to get him to rehab. He would lie and tell me he's going but never follows through. He has been down-playing his drug problem. His mother thinks he's bi polar. Whenever we try to discuss this with him, he laughs it off. He thinks it's funny we think he's bi-polar.
I know by staying in this marrige I'm enabling him to do everything he's doing. I do not have any family living in the same state. I have 3 children ranging from 15 months old to 12 years old. I know if I can make this work. It's just a matter of actually doing it. It's going to be a tough road ahead.
Today he seems fine. But I found a spoon in the bathroom this morning. He has been using the spoon to crush the pill and snorting it. My oldest daugher actually saw him do this a week ago with his cousin. She told me her father had a white pill in his hand, and he crushed it with a spoon and he went to the bathroom for a while.
I'm losing respect for my husband. Is it time to move on? Talking about it hasn't helped. I suggested therapy he said no. Fighting over it isn't helping. When he's drinking he's abusive verbally. I don't understanding drug addiction. By reading the posts I realized that it's not easy to quit but it is possible. If one WANTS to quit it can be done. It takes effort. I tried to be supportive because I wanted my marrige to work. My husband is still abusing. He thinks he's doing it behind my back. I know all too well. I have stopped confronting him because I realized it's not doing any good.
He used to fake injuries so I can take him to the hospital to get pills. I didn't know it at the time. I took his "injuries" seriously. I've had to take the kids with us to the hospital at 2 o'clock in the morning. I've had many incidents happen that should've waken me up.
I actually started to fill out divorce paperwork 2 months ago. In my heart I know it's the right thing to do. It just hurts. When he's not using he's a good guy.
Wow, I've written a book here. The only way that I've been able to let off some steam is to write in my journal. He threw away two of my jounals so far. I've had to hide my journal now so it won't go missing again.
Okay. I'll stop here. I don't know if anyone out there is experiencing the same thing I am. There must be. I know many of the people here struggling to quit have husbands, wives, children etc. Addiction affcts everyone in the family not just the abuser.
Take care everyone.
There is a simulair post on here that is real recent. I'm sorry what you are having to go thru. You definately need to protect yourself and your kids first. At the same time by you being the bread winner means that you are supporting his ability to continue using. In my opinion I would present him with either in patient rehab or to pack his ???? And get out. His selfishness as an addict that is still using will cause you everything if you let it. Opiates are already a tough addiction to deal with but with an addict that doesn't "want" to quit it is impossible without professional help. In patient rehab will give him the addiction and personal counseling he needs and at the same time remove him from the users around him that only help destroy him. I'm really sorry you are stuck in this situation but do NOT allow his addiction to hurt you or your children anymore. I'm not saying give up on him as he does need help and love but stop allowing him to use and put you and your kids. I hope this helps a little.
Stay positive and love your life- 311
Drug addicted husband
Thanks for listening.
Yes, I agree. I definitely am enabling him by staying. It takes strength to leave and that's exactly what I'll have to do. It has been going on long enough. His father is also a prescription drug abuser. I'm not going to get much help in convincing him to quit or seek help.
I feel a sense of loss. I'm losing my husband to drugs. My children are losing a father. Sometimes I feel completely alone.
When I do serve him divorce papers, he is not going to take it well. He has told me he will take everything I have including the children. This was when he was high or drunk.
Well first of there is no way a judge would ever grant a drug abuser custody so don't worry about that. I do believe however that you should still present him with the rehab option. I understand that you don't think he'll ever except it but you might be surprised. I'm sure he is miserable and "sticking his head in the sand" so to speak. You aren't alone and unfortunately sunstance addiction is all too common in our society today. Stay positive and only offer him help of recovery and not help to continue killing himself slowly. This forum is a great source of help and support so keep in touch.
Originally Posted by JR1839
Stay positive and love your life- 311
Sorry u are having to deal with this. U def. need to take care of u and your kids first. Has he ever said he wanted to quit or even admit he has a problem? Admitting the problem is the first step to quitting, and that can be tough for many. That said, snorting hydrocodone is very dangerous. It will damage his nose and with his drinking, the combo will damage his liver. He is playing Russian Roulette and is going to lose unless he quits. The ? is does he want to? Him threatening u to take the kids and all that is just him being angry, and like the other poster said no judge is going to give custody to him, but is he someone that would come after u if u left? Like a stalker or crazy person? I ask this because I hear so many stories of (women mostly) spouses leaving someone and the other spouse hunting them down to try to get revenge or ruin someone's life. I hope it is not is his demeanor to do that, but drug addiction can make u do all sorts of bad stuff.
His deception has not fooled u and that is good. Some drug addicts are very good liars and can get away with their "game" for awhile, but in the end the drug gets the better of them and it becomes obvious to others what is going on. Do u know where he gets the pills from? His father??? If he has a doctor that is prescribing or even if he/she is not, u may want to contact the doctor and let him/her know what is going on so he does not have another source to go to in case his primary source goes dry. That said, if he wants to quit he can. Quitting "cold turkey" can be dangerous. Rehab or tapering off the drug is best, but for hydrocodone addiction, if he was serious about quitting, a benzo. drug like Valium would help curb his withdrawal syndrome until he got back on his feet. Valium is a good drug ,but it also can be abused, but it is a drug that doctors use to taper ppl off more addicting drugs, so is Suboxone, another opioid withdrawal assistance drug, but that also comes with its own risks, so he would have to be monitored. If he shows no desire or effort to even want to quit then def. leave. He will have to prove to u he is sober, and that is not going to happen overnight. If he wants help there is help and there are drugs used to help ppl taper off so someone doesn't have to suffer through a life-threatening withdrawal syndrome. My heart goes out to u. God Bless, and I wish u the best of luck.
your first priority is your children and obviously you know this... if you are the breadwinner, you are supporting his habit, even tho you may not want to...
and as for him driving with the kids in the car drunk and stoned... wow...
yeh, you need to get out,,, for yours, and your childrens sake....
Your kids need protection, and you are the only one that can provide that protection -- by getting them out of that environment. If you feel unsafe, take the kids and whatever you need while he is not there, and then communicate with him by phone/text only. Another route you can take is to finish filing for divorce and have the courts order him out of the house. Trust me, if they find out how he is abusing (and there is evidence with the OD), they will not want him in the house with the kids. Then, you can get a restraining order if necessary. Think about it --if this man wasn't your husband, would you let a man subject your children to this lifestyle? Of course not. If he wants to start a program and get clean after you get your kids to a safe environment, then he will do it, and perhaps there would be a chance to salvage the marriage if he got into recovery. BUT, right now he obviously has no desire to get clean, so you need to protect your children FIRST.
There is ALWAYS hope
Hi JR, I wasn's sure if you were still checking my post that you commented on. I have been wondering how you are doing. Is everything okay? Have you presented the divorce papers or made any decisions yet? I had you on my mind and wanted to see how you are doing...