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husband addicted to pain meds...I need to talk
Ok my husband of five years is an addict...been one since late 80s..hes 45..I been reading these forums for the past few days and getting pretty much all the same info that I already pretty much knew before....I guess its just getting worse and to the point where I cant handle this problem any more. I love him with all my heart and am scared to take that last step of telling him its time for him to quit or leave. I understand that yes he may b in pain..due to a work injury a few years back..however he can take 15 or more vic a day and not think nothin of it....he takes them for the high....I have to hide my meds bcause he will finish his pills then goes on to mine..I have three disks out and cronic imigraines as well as a messed up sciatic and carples tunnel in both arm...and I only take two pills at bedtime so I can sleep and be able to do my job...but I suffer through on the days that come when I have no hmeds due to his snooping till he finds them...I have to hide then in varous places so I atleast can have what I need when I need tthem. I know now it sounds like im an addict amd an enabler...an afdict im not..necause I only take what I need when I in the most severest of pain...an enabler yes that may be since I havent been able ro get him to stop taking my stuff..but I tfy my best..ive tried getting him to only take what he is perscribed...but heif he cant get what he wants from me he goes to friends and that means he pays for them and then bills dont get paid..i have even had him hand me his pill bottle at times with him saying hefe hold omto these for me and dont give more than needed...but then he tells me im controlling, when it was his idea in the first place...im tired of being told I &#tchinv
G...or controlling...im at the end of my rope...i e told his friends to stop helping him but they jjst fhi.k im ruini.g his fu....imwatched my father die from cancer last year..i dont want to watch my husband die from lills..ive told him that...he tells me I need anver management..and therepy because I get so mad over this wbole ordeal...i have told him I would go seek thdrepy if he went to rehab..and he point blank told me no...as I said..i love him..i dont want to lose him....he also takes lisiniprol for high blood pressure....a few weeks back..he had a convolsion type seisure..i think someone had given him a suboxin..or somethin...i found the wrapper in his jeans..he said he had pickef it up off the ground..im not that stupid..but it had happened before and at that time I took him to th er but when they coulfnt figure out the problem Iand he refused a toxicollogy for drugs I knew what was up....i cant leave him because my job includes my living on the site wherr I work...so I somehow need to find strength to tell him to leave but without his income im gonna sink fast and hard...i don he hasnt had any meds sin e sunday that I know of but hasnt had any start of withdrawl yet which usuallu happens to him within 36 hrs max..so im sure someone is giving him something at work this week....i thank you for letting me get this off my mind for a lktgle while...im gired of crhing o er this...maybe I just needef to gvent...sorry bout the typos but I got one of those stupid smart phones and this box to type in is jumping all ovsr the place....haven
Donna, welcome to the forum and I am sorry about what you are going through... The simple answer to your quandry is.... If he does NOT want to change, he won't... That is it in a nutshell.. When we as addicts do not want it bad enough, there is NOTHING that can be done... WE will always find a way to get what we need.. Lie, cheat, steal... You name it, we can do it...Does he love you? Yes, I am sure he does, but when he is active in his disease, he loves the pills more... they become a need in order for him to be well. He will look you in the eye and tell you what YOU WANT to hear, then if he has pills, he will gobble them up... So, you cannot force him to WANT IT, but you CAN start making him accountable for his actions.. Will it be hard, Yes... But in the end of you have to take care of you... All my Best, Reid
hi donna/haven ..
Originally Posted by caughtagain
i am truly sorry for what you're going thru with your husband, and... with your physical condition
it hurts my heart to tell you, but reid is right..
until your husband wants it..
you must take care of you..
work toward that goal..
i have prayed for you, and will pray more..
i wish there was more i could do (or say)..
but.. others will come, far wiser than I and add to reid's advice..
alllll my best! and prayers!, too!
P - R - A - Y - E - R
When life gets too hard to stand...KNEEL !
thank yoi Reid and classicmom fot yout kind words and prayers..I did confront him a few hours ago basically to see what excuse I would get regarding why he hasnt had any withdrawl symptoms at all..since I know the pattern..I was told the wonderful answer of well I didnt have enough in my system to go through the withdrawl as bad as usual...so I only got the shlts for two days.. I told him he was only fooling himself and that it would only b a matter of time before the truth come out...I dont honestly feel sorry for him anymore and am so tired of being hurt mentally by all the strain this has put on our relatuonship...as I said before..I love him with all my heart...I really dont want to make him go..I have been there throu all his highs and his lows for the last 8 years...but then the other side of me..the one that wants to slap him upside the head and shake him for putting me in this position where I dont know were to turn is the same side that wants to tell him I hope that he suffers when he does eventually withdrawls...thats probably not very nice to say so forgive me Jesus but I am hurting deep insids with pain in my heart so bad that I would almost rather die today than have to say goodbye to him forever....thanks again for letting me share
Just back from taking him lunch @ work...looks like he·s trying to start the GUILT TRIP PHASE telling me he is going to quit everything...he said he just wants me to be happy...I been on this trip before ..I told him I want us to be happy and that he cant do it for me...he has to want to do it for him...I also reminded him that reverse psychology dowork on me...thats what I use one my children.... he also was ouching just loudly enough when he opened the door to get in the car...dont worry im not falling for it......I think he is doing this because of the earlier threat I made about testing him to zee if he still getting pills....he thinks if he tells me what I want to hear it will bide him a couple days, but not this time..im picking up the test in the morning... If he passes....im, sorry if I dont sound enthused about him saying he is quitting..but u all know the routine...and I didnt choose this path for him..he did.... I will help him get through the next few Weeks..by offering any support that I can that does not involve giving him meds other than his bp pills....if he fails I will make one attempt at giving him the option of leaving or rehab..
if he jus said hes going to try and quit. that means hes still using. you cant just drug test him tommro and expect the drugs to be out of his system... wait 3 days. then test him if you want to kno if he used after this talk. but by drug testing him tommro your just wasting your money
It's true that it can take up to 5 days for the drugs to get out of his system. Usually they are out within a few days, but to be on the safe side, wait until 6-7 days until after he said he quit. That should be plenty of time.
There is ALWAYS hope
His lastaddmitted was three sunday morning......so he sboulx test clean tomorro after wkrk..
Ok now after reading a post about suboxin i am freaking out...in my original post i stated i found a wrapper for subs in his pocket...if there was anything in that wrapper and it got on me and unknowingly got in my system would i or could i get sick from it.....because the same day i found that wrappsr i became ill...i dont know anx thats why im asking.....since im reading the posts and they talkin about strips and films andd all that
i can only answer that you will not be adversely affected by cutaneous touching.
Quotes that keep me going:
"Do you have another day 1 in you?"
"If not now, when?"
“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”
Clean as of 02.03.2012
Donna... bottom line... Test him. See how he reacts. If he is actively using, he will put up a fight... Point is, it goes back to what I said.. If he is not ready, he will grasp at straws and do whatever he needs to do... Keep us posted.. At the end of the day, you have to figure out how much you want to take.. Draw a mental line in the sand and if he crosses it, stick to your guns. Don't enable an addict in any way because if you do... They will gladly take what you give and run with it.... Reid
Thanks again reid..and everyone else..im testing him to.ight after work...d
Today was a fair day..i played it cool. ...he was a little in the slumps but no complaints...i know he didnt have anything since i picked him up from work last nite..until i dropped him off at work at three.....testing tonight as i stated bfore...cuz has dr apt i. Am..ofwhich im going with...i wont call him out infront of dr because its also my dr and i cannot jepordiseosing my dr after all i need my meds..however i can take any script dr gives...if he does...and lock it in my newly bought safe that hubby dont know about .....ive now spoken to neighbor who will keep it at her house for me..if all goes well im looking forward to a weekend adventure away from work where mybe we can begin working on how to make life better for us without his n to be out of sorts...i am praying for a good outlook...!...but keeping my eyes open...and pocket book away from him...eed
Apology for typos. Just ran my backho for the last 14 hours. Hands not working well
Keep us posted Donna.. All my best, Reid