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How does cocaine make you think
  1. #1
    Need Info Please is offline New Member
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    Default How does cocaine make you think

    I need some information. I'm lost. I been in serious relationship for over 10 years and for the past 2 or so it has been a long distance. My boyfriend recently told me he has tried cocaine on several occasions in the past. You might say I'm new to this situation. Something happen (immoral) you might say and he exlpained to me that was the effects of cocaine. I just need someone who know what it like to tell what I does to you mentally(how you think) while on a binge. It's not that I don't believe anything that he says but it he trying to cover it up

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    kcooleymac is offline Member
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    Someone who may be on a cocaine binge.. that is all they will think about. How to get more, can they get more, they WANT more and NEED more in their head. Cocaine is something you definetely feind for. It takes over your mind and you feel like, right after that first line that you don't want to stop. The only way you can stop is if you physically make yourself. Your mind is altered thinking that you need it. I hope this is of help. Let me know what else I can do....

    -Kristine

  3. #3
    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    Cocaine has a way of breaking down people’s inhibitions and moral behavior. People using cocaine are often unfaithful to their partners. It also acts as an aphrodisiac in men (I’m not sure if this is true with women) and their morals can become much looser than they might otherwise be. Cocaine, in and of itself, is a terribly addictive drug and crack cocaine is even more so. Cocaine addiction is not so much a physical addiction as it is a psychological one but it can be a very difficult addiction to break. When I had a cocaine habit I could stop using it if I went on a trip to another country because I wouldn’t risk taking it through customs and immigration. For the duration of my trip I wouldn’t be bothered with not having it but as soon as I was on the plane home I’d be planning to go straight to my dealer the minute I got off the plane. I’ve seen cocaine destroy the lives of a lot of people. Cocaine users often simply can’t see that they have a serious drug problem when they’re using it. They think they can control it but they rarely ever can. In that regard it’s similar to alcoholism. An alcoholic is often the last one on the block to know he’s a drunk.

    Eventually, cocaine gets such a hold over people that they cannot imagine life without it. They believe they could not function without it.

    When a person admits that he has used cocaine several times it usually means that he has used it a lot more than just several times.
    If you watch the behavior of a cocaine user you will see it change gradually, and sometimes not so gradually over time. It never changes for the better. Cocaine is one of the worst drugs around and in terms of the damage it can do to people it is right up there with crystal meth.

    It's also a very, very expensive habit.

    Hope this helps,

    JJ

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    Need Info Please is offline New Member
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    Thanks for all your info on this. I guess I'm not the most intelligent person regarding this.

    I know it lowers your morals and inhabitions but my question would be do you know what you are doing when your high. Ok he cheated some what but is it right for him to blame it on the drugs.

    Can you not know what is really happening a one point then just realize all of a sudden.

    Or is this an exuse because he knows that I have no experience regarding this drug.

    I just need to find out from someone who been there and could take to me without a possible advantage.

    Thanks again

  5. #5
    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    Being high on cocaine is not like being in a drunken stupor where you might not really know what you are doing. On cocaine you know what you’re doing. You might do things while on coke that you wouldn’t otherwise do but you know you’re doing it.

    You may have heard it described as the devil’s drug because it loosens people’s morals. People get into all kinds of social situations on cocaine that they wouldn’t dream of doing when not on it but, again, they know what they’re doing.

    I had a bad cocaine habit for quite a few years and there was never a time that I didn’t know exactly what I was doing. If I got caught doing something I shouldn’t have been doing I’d lie through my teeth and make al kinds of excuses. I might even say I didn’t know what I was doing because it’s very easy to lie when you’re high on cocaine. It’s hard to admit you’ve done something wrong and it’s easy to blame it on any variety of things including cocaine.

    When a person is high on cocaine he or she may have very little resistance to temptation and give in to lustful desire easily. It works that way on a lot of people and it is definitely a sexual stimulant for a lot of men.

    JJ

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    DSLDAW is offline Member
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    Cocaine in my opinion is the worst drug besides >>>>>>. I had a 10
    year habit. I unfortunately got started using coke in the form of
    freebasing.It was very hard to freebase around loved ones since
    the smell of the drug was unreal.I eventually started snorting it
    since it was easier and less noticable.You will know someone is
    on coke since their nose will be constantly running and their
    speak will be broken.It is very hard to speak fluently when on it.
    You will have no appetite at all.Even being arrested 2 times did
    not stop the desire to keep using.I have been clean for 3 years
    but not a day goes by that I don't think about coke.
    I feel people who are depressed will have the hardest time quitting
    a coke habit, since when your on it, you have no depression at all.
    I think that's what kept me using for all those years.

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    Jessika is offline Member
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    about 5 years ago or so Cocain was my drug of choice My Husband and I would do it about 3 times a week. It did not make me crazy or make me do stupid things by stipid things I mean it didnt make me want to harm anyone or rob a bank or anything like that.
    It was like the drug made me see things clearly or I thought then. It made me happy it gave me energy. I am a shy person so When I would do coke I would open up more freely and Just talk to people when i normally wouldnt.I guess you could say it gave me cofedience.
    My then boyfriend now hsband did it a while befor we started dating and when i met him it was my first time, we got along so well and i thought are relationship was great,, but it was just the coke. when i got pregnant we both made the choice to quit and never go back.And when we did quit we had to get to know eachother all over again it seemed like because we didnt know eachother off the coke if that makes sence. Now it has been over 3 years without turning back we have a wonderful marriage and a great kid,, Coke is the most charming drug i think it will get you hooked fast becasue you are always looking for that high you got the first time done it. So my advice to everyone just stay away from it. because still to this day there are somedays where i think i want to do it, but i know i could never go down that road ever again.


    Jessi

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    Jessika is offline Member
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    I also think it does mess your jugdment up, you will do things on coke you normally would not do.. Like cheat on a boyfeind/husband I pawned everything i owned to buy it. I lied to everyone. it is was like I was someone else.My husband was a flirt when he was on it. he says he never cheated on me back then but i know he did I am not stupid,, that was along time ago and all is forgiving now.

    Jessi

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    DSLDAW is offline Member
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    Hey Jess,you are right. When my ex-wife's friend got me and her
    started on freebase, everything seemed great. She stopped coke
    about a month before our devorce. That's when the ???? hit the
    fan. I was hooked. Instead of trying to help me quit, she ganged
    up on me and made my life hell. If you really love someone, you
    should at least try to get them help, not be mad at them. They
    will just make you want to do more drugs.

  10. #10
    Jessika is offline Member
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    I agree, like i said when we forst stared dating everyting was awesome.. then little things would make him mad, sometimes it was like we could get enough of the ****.. we we had the coke it was great but when it was gone he would get depressed and I would too. we lost are apartment and everything.. Yeah We stuck by eacherother through all of this..When I found out i was pregnant i think he did it a couple more times and then i had to tell him, either it was that or me.. I knew i had to quit ( even tho i didnt want to ) and if he was going to be a husband and a daddy to our baby he needed to quit too. we didnt have enough money to support a baby and a coke habit, And to this day I could never go back if i didnt it just onced I would be hooked all over again and he would too. I get what your saying DSLDAW that has happened to some of our friends as well the drug got ahold of them and it was it.. It is so sad how a drug can take away everything and then people can use it againist you like that. my best friend was hooked bad left her great husband of 10 yrs for the dealer and them 3 months they went to jail.. she was in Med school and everything now she works at taco bell and her teeth are rotted out,, so so very sad. I had to quit talking to her becasue I dont want her around me or my baby not that she is a bad person I just have to stay away from stuff like that..

    Jessi

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    DSLDAW is offline Member
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    I hear you Jess. I too hit "Rock Bottom". When you do coke, everything in your life is like "Whatever". The coke ends up being
    the most important thing in your life.One time my fiance' at the time
    had freebase and when I got home from work,she did it all.Talk about
    being pissed.It seemed at the time that there was nothing she could
    have ever done to me that was equal to that.It hurt deep down.When I
    look back on that time now,i just laugh and think "What a Waste".I
    literally spent Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars on that ****.You
    need to stay away from people and places that are associated with
    drugs.I moved from NJ to Fl. It will only stop you from doing drugs
    if you truely want to stop in your heart.After rehab,I did coke only one more time ,not to get hooked,but to convince myself that it was
    just not for me anymore.I really did not enjoy the feeling anymore
    after that.It might sound messed up,but it did work for me,but not
    for most people.

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    Need Info Please is offline New Member
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    Thank everyone for there story I apperiate all the info about this.

    I suppose for me I heard about it and It has been around but I never had someone really tell me he has done and don't really know how to help him get over it. I know he need my support and he has it but what else can I do. I know he can't afford to stop working and go to rehap.

    Anything would help.

    Thanks again

  13. #13
    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    If your friend is addicted to cocaine he needs to do something about it immediately or the chances are pretty good that he’s going to lose his job anyway sooner or later. If he isn’t willing to go into a rehab program he should at least be willing to attend some Cocaine Anonymous meetings and work his way through their 12-step program. It’s basically the same program that is used by AA and it works. If he isn’t willing to do something soon he could lose everything.

    He might already believe that he can’t do without cocaine. That’s a common delusion that is suffered by cocaine addicts and it’s a huge obstacle on their road to recovery. It’s also not true. He can live without cocaine. What he can’t do is live a healthy live with it.

    JJ

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    moony is offline New Member
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    I agree, JJ,

    Addiction to cocaine, or any other drug is similar to alcohoism in that it is a progressive disease. By that I mean that once it takes hold of a person it can only get worse, never better, while the addict is still using the substance.

    The chap in question here needs to look at his problem with all the honesty he can find and ask himself if he really has his cocaine use under control. It seems from what I’ve read that he does not. It has affected his social behaviour in ways that he has used it as an excuse for questionable actions. That’s how cocaine addiction often starts and from there it only gets worse.

    You’re ablsoultely right, JJ. This man needs to get to a CA meeting immediately and he needs to pay strict attention when he gets there.

    moony



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    Need Info Please is offline New Member
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    I think that he is starting off on the right foot. He hasn't been hanging around the same people and went back to his good friends as you might say and getting some good support from them. He also hasn't been going out partying either to get tempted. I guess at this point it's just a wait and see if he can do it. Hopeful he will.

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    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    You may be wise to keep a close watch on him. The psychological addiction to cocaine can be very hard to shake. I still strongly recommend he gets himself out to some CA meetings. His very life may hang in the balance.

    JJ

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    mija is offline New Member
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    Hi everyone, I am sitting here at 3 a.m...dont ask me why..i am now asking myself how i found this site...(was meant to be)..i am a single mom of three beautiful children and have been struggling with a cocaine addiction for some time...as i sit here reading the comments on this topic i am crying uncontrollably because ya'all have just described "me", i never realized that this drug HAS altered my sense of morals and values to the extent that it has...im dumbfounded ..and so grateful that i have someone to talk tooo...[V]

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    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    test

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    jjbellinski is offline Member
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    Hi Mija,

    Admitting you have a problem with cocaine is the first step in doing something about it. I had a very bad cocaine habit for a good number of years. It all but destroyed my life and that of my family.

    One of the things that sets cocaine addiction apart from others is that it's a physcological addiction more than a physical one and it does alter ones morals. The craving for more can be very hard to overcome without help.

    If there is a Cocaine Anonymous anywhere in close proximity to where you live I implore you to look them up and get yourself to a meeting.
    Don't be afraid to walk into a CA meeting. You will meet lots of wonderful people just like yourself who will be understanding and generously willing to help you. CA saved my life. Go to as many meetings as you can and get someone to take you through the 12-step program in their big book. It only takes a few sessions one on one with another coke addict and you will be recovered provided you are thorough.

    When you stop using cocaine you will have to stop using alcohol and any other mood altering substances but the results will be wonderful.

    At this stage guilt is quite normal but it will soon dissipate once you've taken that first step and contacted CA.

    It happens to the best of us.

    Here's a link to an excellent recovery website that uses the AA big book 12-step program. I highly recommend it:

    http://members.tripod.com/ksteveh/bi...iscussion.html

    Good luck,

    JJ

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    inluvwithastranger is offline New Member
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    Unhappy i need answers

    hey im 18 years old and ive been in a relationship with a cocaine drug addict ,ive been with him 4 a year i know its not long enough and im 2 young 2 be putting up with some one like this,but im in love with him. at first are relationship was great but then there be times when he dissapears for 3 days or 4 ,ill call and no answers ,no one would hear 4rm him and then when he finally decides 2 call me ill ask him wat is his problem and he change the subject until he kept dissapearing and he finally admit he uses cocaine,he told me hell change , he wont do it , and then there he goes doin it again,but his problem is when hes on that drug he wants 2 be alone, he wont answer no ones calls ,and he be nowhere 2 be found,hes weak,he dont kno how 2 control it and i keep taking him back beacuse i want 2 help him get through him but my question is wat should i do? when hes not on that drug were very happy and hes the best but when he does it i dont hear 4rm him for 3days,im lost ,i want 2 be with him but not like this..i need help from some one who experience this drug before.

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    sisterwin2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by inluvwithastranger View Post
    hey im 18 years old and ive been in a relationship with a cocaine drug addict ,ive been with him 4 a year i know its not long enough and im 2 young 2 be putting up with some one like this,but im in love with him. at first are relationship was great but then there be times when he dissapears for 3 days or 4 ,ill call and no answers ,no one would hear 4rm him and then when he finally decides 2 call me ill ask him wat is his problem and he change the subject until he kept dissapearing and he finally admit he uses cocaine,he told me hell change , he wont do it , and then there he goes doin it again,but his problem is when hes on that drug he wants 2 be alone, he wont answer no ones calls ,and he be nowhere 2 be found,hes weak,he dont kno how 2 control it and i keep taking him back beacuse i want 2 help him get through him but my question is wat should i do? when hes not on that drug were very happy and hes the best but when he does it i dont hear 4rm him for 3days,im lost ,i want 2 be with him but not like this..i need help from some one who experience this drug before.

    i have use coke before and I needed to be alone....... it make you paranoid, selfish and he will only bring you down. I can not tell you what to do but believe me, if he dosnt want to stop you can not help him. You will not change his behavior nor his desires to use. Only he can do this. I am old enought to be your very older sister, if I was, I would tell you to dump him.... move on. There are too many nice men out there to be waisting your time on a drug addict that does not want to clean up.

    Sister

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    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by inluvwithastranger View Post
    hey im 18 years old and ive been in a relationship with a cocaine drug addict ,ive been with him 4 a year i know its not long enough and im 2 young 2 be putting up with some one like this,but im in love with him. at first are relationship was great but then there be times when he dissapears for 3 days or 4 ,ill call and no answers ,no one would hear 4rm him and then when he finally decides 2 call me ill ask him wat is his problem and he change the subject until he kept dissapearing and he finally admit he uses cocaine,he told me hell change , he wont do it , and then there he goes doin it again,but his problem is when hes on that drug he wants 2 be alone, he wont answer no ones calls ,and he be nowhere 2 be found,hes weak,he dont kno how 2 control it and i keep taking him back beacuse i want 2 help him get through him but my question is wat should i do? when hes not on that drug were very happy and hes the best but when he does it i dont hear 4rm him for 3days,im lost ,i want 2 be with him but not like this..i need help from some one who experience this drug before.


    I have done a LOT more cocaine over the years than I care to admit to. You would think I was lying about it if I told you the truth. So I won't even go there. I can promise you that if your friend is only your age and has already progressed in his addiction to where he is isolating for several days at a time as young as he is I would bet the farm that he is smoking it. That is lots worse as far as addiction goes than snorting, not that snorting is okay.

    You both are so young. You don't need to be fighting this with a crackhead I promise you. I understand you can care about someone but unless he goes and checks himself into rehab and straightens out immediately run away. You get popped with crack and it's jail. You don't need this in your life. And you can control absolutely NOTHING where this addiction is concerned. You can't do anything for him in reality. He has to do it himself or you are spinning your wheels.

    If you love him like you say then tell him to go TODAY and check into rehab or you take yourself and get away from this nonsense as quickly as you possibly can. Don't start down this road with a significant other who is doing this especially when you are so young and have such a great life ahead of you. There are lots of really good guys that don't do cocaine and don't disappear on their girlfriends and wives for days at a time. What would he say if you disappeared for four days and wouldn't tell him where you were?
    Bet he wouldn't like it a bit. We are here if we can help you. Good luck.

  23. #23
    inluvwithastranger is offline New Member
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    thank you so much 4 the advice, right about now hes been gone since saturday night and havent heard 4rm him yet but im pretty sure hell be calling 2morrow 2 apologize.he called his friend and when he talked 2 him he told him he was on 1 and admit 2 him hes messing up,his bestfriend told him 2 come home and sleep it off but he told him he dont want him 2 see him like that,it hurts 2 see him do that cus hes a really good guy and that drug makes him be something hes not,so what should i say when he calls?? let him go?? =/ im confused

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    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    I don't know that I would tell him to get lost immediately. But I suggest that you tell him you won't play this game any longer, that you refuse to sit and watch him kill himself. Tell him to either go NOW and get professional help or hit the door. That is my suggestion. You should not be expected to sacrifice your sanity and pride while he does this to the both of you. Stand up for yourself. If you don't you will be setting yourself up for a life of misery. Don't do that to yourself. Life is too short. Good luck.

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    bev49 is offline Banned
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    Telling a cokehead to "sleep it off" is not an option. The last thing he wants to do or is able to do is sleep. I have also used more coke than I care to admit. I have snorted it, smoked it and injected it. The only thing coke made me think of was getting more coke. In my opinion, it is the worst drug in the world, equal to crystal meth which I thankfully have no experience with. Although not addictive in the way the opiates are, no other drug makes you fiend for it like coke does. I did things to get coke that I am not proud of though cheating wasn't one of them. Sex was not even something to think about. As I said, the only thought is to get more. Kristine, you don't need to be going through this. If he won't go for help and doesn't want help, you need to get out of the relationship. NOthing good can come of it. Of course, if he is willing to get help, you should be there for him but he has to make that decision. One thing is for sure, love is not enough to get him clean. If someone loving us was enough to straighten us out, we would have all been drug free long ago.

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    sky1 is offline New Member
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    Unhappy i dont understand?

    Ive been on and off with a guy for 2 years now and at the moment were off as i dont understand why hes acting the way he is?
    I have known for a year that he is addicted to cocaine and recently i told him i knew as i could not watch him get any worse than he was. We had a huge row about it and he left for a few days then we briefly talked about it and i offered to help him to sort this out as i love him dearly. He says he doesnt need proper help and he just needs me to love him but hes using it against me now in arguments and i know hes not being fair.
    Im a clever pretty girl with a good job and a lovely house and i know that i deserve better but i can honestly say i adore this man i want him to get better so we can make a future together.
    He has a good job but is at high risk of losing it due to time keeping and basically not really caring about it like he should. Hes 35 and has had to move back with his parents.
    He tells me he loves me and i know he does, i can honestly say i do not think he is cheating on me but the thing i dont get is that he lets me down constantly, tells me we will do stuff and go to places then keeps letting me down. The whole of the night hes calling and texting till early hours in the morning so i know hes not with somebody else but i dont understand why he cant be with me? is there an answer to this as i have never taken drugs and really dont understand it?
    Hes had a brlliant upbringing (very priviledged) and has good potential but hes in real danger of messing his whole life up now.
    I get asked out constanly by guys who i know would be able to give me far more than he could but hes the only one i want to be with but at the same time i dont want to have my life ruined by his mistakes.
    Can anyone explain the need to be alone or at least not with me? or he will say hes staying over then come over for a few hours then not stay the night? i dont get it at all? why does he need to be alone so much? is it because hes doing it more or because hes coming down? i appreciate any answers as i really am in the dark about this many thanx x

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    musicman48 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by sky1 View Post
    Ive been on and off with a guy for 2 years now and at the moment were off as i dont understand why hes acting the way he is?
    I have known for a year that he is addicted to cocaine and recently i told him i knew as i could not watch him get any worse than he was. We had a huge row about it and he left for a few days then we briefly talked about it and i offered to help him to sort this out as i love him dearly. He says he doesnt need proper help and he just needs me to love him but hes using it against me now in arguments and i know hes not being fair.
    Im a clever pretty girl with a good job and a lovely house and i know that i deserve better but i can honestly say i adore this man i want him to get better so we can make a future together.
    He has a good job but is at high risk of losing it due to time keeping and basically not really caring about it like he should. Hes 35 and has had to move back with his parents.
    He tells me he loves me and i know he does, i can honestly say i do not think he is cheating on me but the thing i dont get is that he lets me down constantly, tells me we will do stuff and go to places then keeps letting me down. The whole of the night hes calling and texting till early hours in the morning so i know hes not with somebody else but i dont understand why he cant be with me? is there an answer to this as i have never taken drugs and really dont understand it?
    Hes had a brlliant upbringing (very priviledged) and has good potential but hes in real danger of messing his whole life up now.
    I get asked out constanly by guys who i know would be able to give me far more than he could but hes the only one i want to be with but at the same time i dont want to have my life ruined by his mistakes.
    Can anyone explain the need to be alone or at least not with me? or he will say hes staying over then come over for a few hours then not stay the night? i dont get it at all? why does he need to be alone so much? is it because hes doing it more or because hes coming down? i appreciate any answers as i really am in the dark about this many thanx x
    From 1985 until 1988 I did coke everyday.there are many stages of coke addiction.first I was a sex addict ,then I was a creative genious"in my own mind",then I got so paranoid you would not believe me if I told you how paranoid I got.Then I had no sex drive,I ruined my teeth by grinding them so much and spent tons of money trying to fix my teeth.I was a mess.The bottom line is right now the only thing on your boyfriends mind is coke.period.Sounds like he is binging.That is why he wants to be alone.If you don't want your life ruined by his mistakes:as you say" do yourself a favor and let him go.Just my opinion.good luck to you.

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    foolsloss is offline New Member
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    Unhappy Making me feel like a Psycho for caring

    Reflecting back, I took for granted what I had. I dated my high school sweatheart for the past 8 years. We were and are still in love I think. He was my one and only, but last Valentines Day things started to get rocky, he was never satisfied with his work, family, car, or me. Self centered and never their for others. It seemed like no matter what he bought he was never satisfied. I started being never good enough. It was my junior year of college and we broke up, I devoured myself into my schoolwork and future, he turned into the lowlife he claimed I always told him he was. Being the 25 year old I guess he wanted to be, doing many girls including 16 year olds, drugs, and drinking. I became obsessive not wanting to face the facts that someone that I thought was the most dependable person in my life could care that less about me. I couldn't even think about being with other men. We got back, broke up, got back . . . the usual pattern. I spent days trying to prove to him i was mrs. perfect. Doing what he wanted, working on his car with him, cooking for him, doing laundry. He made the usual promisses, oh it meant nothing babe, just sex. But then he would talk about me at party's after I spent hours working on his car with him, saying how i was. It hurt, I found messages from a 16 year old he would have sex with, dirty text messages. It was never enough, the evidence was there, but i just never could find the resentment or reality and of course he would lie.
    Its been 9 months of hell, just graduated college . . . got a bachelors in architecture and currently going for my masters. The more I gain in my career, the more I feel I lose in my love life. It always feels like one or the other. It used to be so easy. He checked into a sober house a week ago, and claims he has been in detox rehab on a liquid diet and monitored for seizures. Claims the benzo's he was taking caused this, claims I caused him to do this because of his anxiety. Blamed it on everyone but himself. He claimed he did coc but hasn't since he got out of jail for domestic. But he still goes and gets "benzo's" off the street even though he's scared to go back to prison. They cut back on the prescribed benzo's so he needed to get some off the street to do it at his own pace. I love him more than anything and would give up everything for him, but I feel alone and not needed anymore. He makes me feel like a psycho for inspecting and "stalking". Can you really come and go from a sober house? Is his immoral behavior justified? I know he feels guilty but what can I do to help? We were closer than family before, will it ever be the same? Will he ever appreciate me for putting the past behind and trying to help? Do you think he'll sober and decide i'm not worth his love? Are there places for the victims of this?
    Last edited by ddcmod; 05-02-2011 at 03:50 PM.

  29. #29
    luvy298 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    97

    Default Hello

    Quote Originally Posted by Need Info Please View Post
    Thank everyone for there story I apperiate all the info about this.

    I suppose for me I heard about it and It has been around but I never had someone really tell me he has done and don't really know how to help him get over it. I know he need my support and he has it but what else can I do. I know he can't afford to stop working and go to rehap.

    Anything would help.

    Thanks again
    When I was in my 20s I started doing cocaine with my ex-boyfriend; he was the one who got me started. For me I can say that I lied to my loved ones, but I did know exactly what I was doing. This drug just gave me confidence; as I was a very shy person, but when I was high I felt on top of the world like I could do anything. When I was getting high in the moment I did feel like I could not stop; I wanted more and more, but when I was not using I did not crave it, but could not wait until my boyfriend scored some more. I would break nights and sleep all day and do it all over again. I got pregnant with my son and at that point I decided that I did not want to do this anymore and did tell my boyfriend then that I needed for him to also stop, but to no avail he just wanted to get high everyday. Through my pregnancy I decided to go back to school and gave him a chance to stop, but he never did so I had to make a choice of being a single mother. It was really hard, but I had to walk away from it. Now in my 40s two years ago I got addicted to tramadol, which totally ruined my life. I have been clean now for three months and feel great, but for me getting addicted to the pills made me do much more horrible things than being on cocaine. I knew what I was doing when I was cocaine, but could not control myself when I was on Tramadol, but everyone is different. My advice to you would be to get some knowledge on what cocaine does to you, because it does work different with everyone, but at least you can decide whether you want to live with an addict or try to help him. I am a strong believer that you have to want to help yourself first before anyone can help you. I decided three month's ago that I was going to get clean and with gods help along with all the wonderful people on this forum I was able to suceed. I will forever be an addict, I can admit that; not too many people can admit it, and until they do there is nothing you can do to help them. I hope this helps.

    God bless
    good luck with everything
    Luvy298

  30. #30
    ayokarah is offline New Member
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Rhode Island
    Posts
    1

    Default Cocaine took my love away..

    Okay so I know I'm a little late here, but the topic of Cocaine was starting to catch my attention more and more and I came across this...I read most of the replies and I got flashbacks. Here's my story ;

    I met this guy on the Internet three years ago... It was really weird how we met, it was over a chat site, and let's just say, we connected automatically. Boom, right there. I never really let myself go or was myself around people, not even over the Internet, but with this guy I felt different. He was just real, and down to Earth. Just an awesome person. THAT friend to have... He lives in New York, I live in Rhode Island. Not that far of a distance, but still.

    Anyway, a year after we were friends we started dating. It was really unexpected, but hell we both thought it was worth a shot, because we both have that "Live life, no regrets, you only live once" mentality. A week before we had started dating he warned me that he'd been in love with a girl for 3 out of the 5 years that he had known her. He said that he had feelings for me, and that with time he knew they could grow, but to just be an honest person he shared it with me. I respected him, and he respected me. That's what we built our relationship off of, honesty. Always honest, even when it's harsh and hurtful.

    Everything was amazing for the first six months or so... We got into little arguments here and there, but everything was good for the most part. It was a very laid back relationship, almost NO jealousy involved. I let him do whatever he wanted, and he let me do whatever I wanted. We weren't allowed to sleep with other people though, we could kiss and makeout and whatnot, and party it up, but there was a line that you couldn't cross.

    Like I said, we had a VERY open relationship. Sometimes you just have that connection with a person, that certain bond, where you know nothing can break it apart. And really, nothing ever did. Even though we're not together anymore, the bond is still there and so is the love and the feelings. We're just waiting until we meet to really make it final again.

    About six months into our relationship, I was noticing changes. He was coming online less and less, was never home, always out with his friends... I wasn't worried that he was cheating, because I knew either way he wouldn't hide it from me. He had only cheated on me once before and it made our relationship even stronger then it was before. Of course I forgave him, because I know everyone makes mistakes, and I've never really believed in giving up on people because of what I was put through my whole life.

    He had told me in the last two months of our relationship that he had been doing cocaine a lot more recently. He didn't go into detail, but he knew I was affected by the subject greatly, because my mother did cocaine when I lived with her, and that's what ruined OUR relationship. I didn't really realize it until after, but the cocaine really did take my love away from me.

    When he broke up with me he didn't have a clear reason. It was kind of scrambled and it was just like within moments he was gone. He left without a real explanation and I was the biggest mess for months...I still am and it's been over a year. The only thing he kept repeating was that he had "fallen into a darkness" and "had to find himself again". After reading all of this I really think that the drug was the reason why he fell into the depression and what-not...He still does it even today. He's been cutting down a lot more, but the addiction is still there.

    He's still completely honest to me even to this day. He has a problem, but he doesn't want to admit it. He said he can stop if he wants to, but it's not that easy because the people he surrounds himself around do it and it's hard on him because he "loves the feeling" of it...

    I don't know what to do. I love him, and miss him...He has so much more potential then this

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