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Hi to old friends and ones who I hope will become friends - update
Hi there! I haven't been on for quite awhile as I was going through some very hairy medical issues. As some might remember, I was struggling to make my final break from sub (after almost 3 years) when I went for a mammogram and was diagnosed with breast cancer. Well, on June 7, I had a mastectomy. It went without a hitch. I was out of hospital on June 9, feeling great. On June 14, the breast surgeon called with fabulous news. The pathology report came back and all the cancer was gotten, the invasive and non invasive.... My scar was beautiful and I was set to have reconstruction of the breast next. Well, the next day, June 15, I felt a little uncomfortable. Was at my son's house with grandkids and they told me to lie down. Within 10 mninutes, I was swollen up to my clavicle bone, my chest was purple and the pain and pressure was intense. Son called surgeon who said rush me to ER. I got there and my blood pressure was 81/54. I was seeing the walls moving further and further away and losing my eyesight, whatever that meant. So, I was rushed in for emergency surgery. I had a massive hematoma. They removed 1,000 cc's of blood from the chest cavity in surgery and 700 more after.... All was getting better except that 3 days later in the hospital I went to the bathroom and next thing I know there are 7 people in there yelling at me to wake up. I had fainted and I was pouring blood AGAIN out of the surgical scar, through the drains (had 2) and from everywhere.... Another emergency surgery which didn't go so well. I felt on the cusp between life/death and spent 24 hours in ICU...During these days, I had 11 units of whole blood, 2 units of platelets and 1 of plasma. I was actually scheduled for surgery number 3 while in ICU but miraculously and suddenly, the swelling started to subside and I started feeling a bit better. He cancelled the surgery and I improved and went home. All was well then except that after about 10 days, the scar just randomly opened up (I'm diabetic, not good at healing).... Now I have a whole protocol of what I hsve to do with it daily (I won't bore or disgust you with those details lol).... They say it has to heal from the inside out and can take a few months.... So this is the medical update. Following is the drug update.
As for sub and methadone, my two lifelong drugs after beginning with heroin.... when I found out I had cancer and would need surgery, I panicked being on sub, even though I was mistaken as the dose was so low it probably would have been fine (would break a 2 mg. pill into slivers of 8-10 pieces and take it once a day). I got scared about pain management and what i'd read about nothing breaking through the sub though and could not get a doctor to perscribe any pills so I got on 10 mgs. methadone 1x a day (my drug, although at a much higher dose, for 44 years prior to sub)....In the hospital, I was on a dilaudid pump first, then dilaudid shots, then percocet. That should have only lasted a week but then I went back for the emergencies and triple the pain so it lasted a lot longer. I thought the percs would get me off methadone but they did not. The doctor would not continue giving them to me and was only prescribing 5 mg. two at a time, every 6 hours, so I never had enough to taper so I'm on the low dose methadone now. It's liquid and now they bring you down 1 mg. at a time so my plan is to go down 1 mg. every 60 to 90 days.... Although I am NOT religious at all, I will hope I'm not being hypocritical when I ask you all to pray for me. I would love to get off everything totally, finally. I'm 63 so it's an iffy proposiition but it's an embarrasment to have to tell doctors or nurses in a hospital about methadone or sub. I would love to be off everything but on the other hand, my health is such that I feel I cannot go through ANYTHING resembling withdrawal so I'll have to hope I can do it and see how it goes.
Sorry for the long post and glad to be back. Got a lot of reading to do to catch up..
hi bev, welcome back to the forums. what a horrible thing you had to go through, but I am glad things are better for you now, atleast compared to almost dying. I dont have any medication advice to give you, just wanted to stop by and be the first one( okay second) one to offer you support and a prayer!
Clean and Sober as of 4-25-2011
You have certainly been through the ringer. I hope you are on the upswing. Do whatever you have to do to be healthy and comfortable. You are a fighter and I know things will work out ok. Keep posting old friend.
Hi Bev, Nice to meet you! I've been a long time lurker, lol. I've been reading this forum off and on for at least a year now! I thank god for google & Roberts taper plan, as well as Robert & everyone else who was kind enough to share there stories.
I just wanted to wish you well & hope everything works out for you. Obviously you are one heck of a fighter! Good luck!
Nice seeing you post.
Sorry for all the problems....
Hang in there,
OMG, Bev, the things you've been through!
I can't believe all this has happened.. Glad to see you back here though :-)
I'm here if you need to vent or talk or reminisce. I know you'll get through this, you're a strong woman. Hang in there, Bev. Lots of hugs.
I've been gone for a couple of months too and I remember one of the last things I read was about your diagnosis and I made a comment about how at least you will be off subs now... that sounds just awful and I apologize. I'm so glad all of this is behind you now. I am still tapering and I know that you know what that is like, lol. I will pray for you for sure. We are the same age and we have both been through a lot.
Hey Bev, I've read a bit about your struggles and posted to you early on. You are tough and a fighter. Don't let a few idiots embarrass you. You have been where I hope they'll never be. You helped me out way back in '09 and I'll never forget your friendship. I WILL pray for you. Things will work out in the long run. I'm just so glad to hear you're cancer free.
Thanks so much rose.... I don't get embarrased any more. Unless a person has walked in my shoes, blah blah blah... they don't really know. Only I do and so I am doing what I feel I have to do. I'm still a decent person living a good life so no, I don't get embarrassed anymore. I'm glad I was able to be your friend when you needed one and now, you're mine!
Suzie, the funny thing is I AM off sub now lol... Maybe not off everything, but at least I got off that horrible sub which I hated more than anything. I was so afraid that I would not be able to get pain management after cancer surgery with sub so had to make the switch I did. I plan to S L O W L Y go down 1 mg. at a time now and really really believe it is doable. I'm not religious so praying for you might be a moot point but I will certainly send you good and healing vibes and I know you can do whatever you want to do. Easy NO Doable Yes..
Winged, I can't believe you're still here but I'm so glad you are. We had many a very very interesting and informative conversation on things other than drugs and I loved that..... I will definitely be speaking to you more. Glad to see you here .
Hey Mariam, long time now see ..... Yeah, I have been through a lot. It wasn't expected. My original surgery was a success but it went downhill from there. What is the saying. The surgery was a success but the patient died???/ Well, I came close but I'm still here. I'm really glad to see you haging in there.
HIya Dee, it's really nice to meet you too.... I have a lot of catching up to do and will get to your story in due time but still glad to meet you here. I'm glad Robert's plan has helped you. It's a great plan if you work it right.
Freedom4me - You will not believe this... I am getting old and my memory is gone. I can't remember you're real name and I know I knew it lol... I have gotten old really quickly but it beats the alternative.... I've been through hell with this stupid cancer but aside from an open wound closing super slowly, I'm a lot better than I was. Thanks for your supportive comments.
Shybabye, I noticed your clean date on the bottom of your post and girlfriend, you should be so proud of yourself. It is not something easy to do and more people don't than do so I'm so happy for you. Thank you for your good wishes and welcome to me.
What is shocking to me is that Robert is not here anymore. I saw a thread from July where he said he was leaving but still, he was here so much, all of the time, working with someone or many someones, it just seems odd. He deserves time off. No one can be so selfless that they donate all their time to helping people, especially when those people can get the same help fromj his sticky or others who have been there, done that. I don't know if he's ready, but if yes, Robert, I wish you all the best and hope your happy....
I still can't believe how awful it's been for you.
My surgery put off cause of my dad's health not so great and no time til Thanksgiving???
okay....you'll understand this......
i'm so addicted to news and politics i'm up late watching the RNC...for god's sake!!!
keeping track of polls.....535 is a great link, more info and not slanted...has me worried.
i won't get any sleep next week for the DNC and by Nov i'll be a wreck! lol!!!
i know that subs scared you more than anything ever so i'm glad you made the switch.
hang tight Bev.....
glad you're back.
Bev, I can really relate to the having to heal from the inside out. The last surgery I had for the Crohn's, two days after I came home I had a raging fever and puss (ugh!) coming out of the incision which was "stapled" btw. They ripped open the bottom half which is what they do if you get an infection and it has to heal by itself after that. I was sent home with a hole all the way down to my organs... ugh again. It is long healed now but it healed funky and it looks like I have a butt in the front, lol. oh well. hope you get a chuckle out of that. But seriously, can't believe how much you have been through!! Surgery is scary enough but when the healing afterwards doesn't go smoothly it is about the scariest thing ever. You are so brave and strong!! Glad to see you here and posting
p.s. I went back to my dr. and got some 2mg. sub strips so I can taper down to nothing and I'm doing it slowly. After doing a lot of reading I came to realize that for people like me who have been on it for years the taper has to be s l o w.
Last edited by SuzieOf; 08-27-2012 at 02:27 AM.
Hey Bev... You have proven time and time again that you are a fighther and as I have said to CA, Fighters fight and I expect nothing less from you! Glad to see you give us an update and I hope you continue to heal and enjoy life! All my best, Reid
Marian, I am laughing at you saying you're addicted to news and politics. I think I am the queen of that. If you look at my facebook page it's nothing but. I have t shirt that says STAUNCH LIBERAL on it and that's me. I'm super obsessed also. I respect the other side (not really lol).... no really I do but love nothing more than a good old debate and I have MANY of them on FB.... I don't get who anyone who isn't super rich or male and white can not see it but hey, it takes all kinds and some think my opinions and beliefs are totally idiotic and I get that (no I don't lol)....
suzie, getting a chuckle but more so, I feel terrible because I know how it must have felt. I am glad to know it eventually healed because I look at this open wound and wonder how the skin will ever connect ever again. It is disgusting and depressing but at least I'm not dead which was close to the outcome when I had the hematomas and ended up in ICU and bled out so I guess I just gotta be patient. As far as tapering slowly after years, this is the bottom line. Everyone is totally different. The sticky is a guideline. Then you have to do what's best for you. You know how you feel and nothing is written in stone. I always thought slow and steady won the race, personally so take you time and you'll get to that finish line.... After years, what's a little more time? Especially when you're talking about legal sub that doesn't get you stoned and not street drugs where bad things can happen any day.... Do what is best for you ....
Hiya Reid (or the American CA haha)...... Thank you for your welcome back ... I really appreciate it.... I am fighting and I am getting better, slowly but still, better each day.... It's good to see you still here. It's shocking not to see Robert !! (wonder what the heck happened to Melinda ??!!?)...
hey hawka. yup. you know im always in your corner as well.
catch ya on the flipside eh.
Hi Bev .... good to hear you are doing better. You know you're in my prayers always! I'm here for you anytime. You know how to reach me if you need ANYTHING!!! God bless!
I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.
I'm here for you sweetheart! You know me and have my contact information. Anytime, Anything, Anywhere. Even just to chat and I don't care if it is 03:00 am.
You hang in there girl and get better. That is an order. Don't make me come over there and spank you to get better because you know I'll do it. Seriously though you just focus on getting better and need anything just holler at me okay? I mean it girl!!!
And I will be with Henry if it comes to it!
I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.
omg, spanking? I just finished reading 50 shades of grey even though I'd promised myself it was a junk book and I would NOT read it. Well, I gave in and read it and spanking doesn't always sound half bad, not in that book, anyway..... Sorry Melissa, just joking.... lol... I just had to say that.... I DON'T recommend the book. It was trash and exploitation and yet, it was quite interesting in its own way....
Enough of that sillliness. Thanks for your offers of unconditional help guys. I really appreciate it. I am concentrating on closing up this wound and getting better. I'm on an anti cancer medicine that I have to take for FIVE years (Femara). Major side effect is fatigue so I take a daily nap. I feel so old lol.... But I feel so much better. Had I been on here end of June into July, you wouldn't have known me. I was half alive, half not. So thank God for small favors, right? I'll be around and I'll speak to you all again soon.... Thanks for the PM, Robert.
You take it easy regardless there girl. Seriously though you need anything you just whislte okay? You know me and so you know I mean it. I wouldn't say it or offer it otherwise. We all have been through way too much for way too long together and we "young" timers need to stick together. Hey you said you feel old well you are all of 29 years old right?
You just focus on recovery and try not to worry so much. Do what is right and what it takes to get back to the wonderful Bev we all know and love so much! =)
You are a strong woman Bev. Been through so much people on here have no clue to even a fraction of all that you have experienced. All the successes and mistakes yet here you stand today still fighting and not giving up ever. You give strenght and hope to all those that follow you and are a real inspiration to all. Proud and happy to know you and feel priviliged to be called your friend.
Get some rest my friend and heal. Things only get better from here!
I need your help on these subs..please contact me im new to all this forum stuff and dont really know what to do or if this is even right
Last edited by ddcmod; 09-25-2012 at 04:21 PM.
I need some information on a drug just prescribed for me. It is trazadone. This is the situation. As you all know, I had breast cancer surgery this summer, followed by serious side effects. Well after everything, the oncologist put me on something called letrozole which is an anti cancer drug that I have to take for 5 years. The problem is side effects. First off, I have major mood swings. I get so angry at people I care about (hubby, grown kids, sister), I want to punch their faces in and I feel like I'm going to explode. I yell like a shrew and realize it but can't help it and end up sobbing and crying... I mean, it's not 24/7, but it's enough to be getting to me. Then there's the insomnia which I can't stand. I fall asleep no problem but I'm up 1 hour later, go back to bed, sleep for another hour, end up tossing and turning and moaning and groaning until my husband has to get up and hit the couch to sleep. So, I didn't want the traditional antidepressants as I've tried most of them in the distant past and they've never had an effect aside from the fact that my insurance company will charge an arm and a leg for the ones like lexapro. So, my doctor mentioned either trazadone or sinequan, then settled on trazadone. I looked it up. It says antidepressant only. Doc says it will help me sleep and also help with anxiety.. Anyone have experience with 1. trazadone or 2. acting like a crazy person and realizing it but not being able to stop it. LOL... It's almost funny. I a peace and love 60's person turned into a raging maniac.
those drugs i have been on for hepc have side effects. one drug is ribavirin, and they say ya get riba rage. and they are not wrong. thats why they put me on ADs before i started treatment. so yeh mate, i hear ya. things would get me so mad, stuff like a grumpy ol man in a shop hassling a young shop girl. i blew up at him. haha. im on citralopram, i have to wean off it. dammit.
i have always been anti antidepressants but they do have their place. i guess i needed it.
ive heard of trazadone, but dont really know much about it mate.
just can relate to turnin into a raging nutjob coz of side effects.
good luck matey.
when my sister was on that medication she experienced the same thing.
they put her on an antidepressant b/c of the rage but i don't know the name of it.
thanks marian and ty kiwi... i am not anti antidepressant. I think if it helps when you're really screwed up, it's good but some of them are serious as far as coming off. My daughter got on one, I forgot which, then she wanted to try to get preg so stopped suddently cuz no one told her to wean... She said she went through the most hellish time she ever had in her life so in that respct they are like opiates. Not really but kind of. I gotta take this cancer drug for 5 years and it takes every drop of estrogen you have out of you so I'm looking forward to even more side effects like bone and joint pain, hair loss, fun stuff..... not everyone gets everything so I'm not worrying about what I don't have but I know what you mean about what happened in the store. I have never been a crazy person about politics but this time, I wanna kill people on the other side (not side which the other side is lol.... don't want to start a rage fest here)... Al doesn't know what's going on... He didn't tape a show I really like.... I screamed like a wild woman... Then I said I can't believe how spiteful and mean you are and I was crying for 30 minutes, all because of........ I'm embarrassed ..... Dancing with the Stars lol....I also can't stand not sleeping and this isn't the kicking dope not sleeping.... It's just crazy waking up on the hour feeling like its morning but feeling tired too.... Let me tell you younguns something..... Getting old ain't for sissies, that's for sure.... Don't complicate it with drug addiction, seriously... It's hard enough.
yup ive been told i have to wean off the anti depressants or it can stuff you up big time. i tried a couple of days without and felt 'wierd', in my head. strange stuff.
haha dancing with the stars. lol