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Hi my name is Tina and I'm an addict
  1. #1
    tlp1967 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Hi my name is Tina and I'm an addict

    First time I said that was October 7, 2009. I was successful in kicking a cocaine habit that go around but sadly relapsed on the pain pills when I got home from a 30 day stay at rehab. Now I am going round 2 with it. Today is day 7 of being clean. My former daily diet of 24 (50 mg) tramadol pills a day has been replaced with suboxone. And what a week it's been. I think I have had every imaginable emotion out there and then some. Lots of that new found emotion I call " yellowbrick road blues". (Lots of bad stops on the way to something good) You know that feeling of fear, anxiety, loneliness and depression all wrapped up in one. I went back to work yesterday. My first day at work without popping pills to make it through the day. I was so scared. I thought god how will I be able to work? I wont lie it was rough. Not because I felt bad or anything like that. It was like my first day at a new job. I had adjusted myself over the 10 years to do my job high and it?had been so long I couldn't remember how to do it sober. But I made it through the day. Even though I didn't get a lot of work done by the end of the day I was pretty well adjusted. And you know what? It was a great day. And today was even better. I will win the battle this time. The infamous "I will do it this time, after all I have nothing to lose" stands true with me because I pretty much lost everything my last go around. Including my best friend and husband of 20 years who couldn't forgive me. I have a lot of pain and guilt that I live with on a daily basis. I have learned that addiction does not discriminate nor does it take a back seat to anything.

  2. #2
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Red face

    Welcome tip, no it doesn't care who it touches and consumes in it's grip. Sorry for your losses and we all have losses by the time we can see what it has done to our lives. You can do this and the people here care and are supportive. Post as much as you can get the garbage out and gone no one here that I have ever seen judges others we are here to help Good Luck Surfdog

  3. #3
    tlp1967 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks surfdog. It does help to get things and emotions out in the open. I am finding that I am having a hard time sleeping. I wake up pretty much every hour. Starting to catch up with me so if anyone knows anything that will help me sleep I would be thankful.

  4. #4
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Tip,, some on here has used benedryl for sleep but being pregnant need to check with your doc. I would be reluctnat to suggest anything other than hot baths now. There are others on here that have more experience with this situation than I they will be along so hang tight until they get here. You are doing a good thing here. I would suggest meetings and getting a sponsor God Bless Surfdog
    Oh congratulations on your son !~

  5. #5
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    There is a nature food supplement? (I threw the bottle away and just have them in a pill case). I think is is called Tryptophan? Anyway, I don't know why I have forgotten to use it because I think it has helped me more than anything in the past. I am a "midnight prowler" and since I have been relying on Benedryl, it obviously is not working very well.

    Back to the Tryptophan. I'm sorry I don't have the exact name; things go into a pill case I have. I will probably have to stop that anyway since with cholesterol/expected "heart" drugs, B3 and B6, my general all-purpose supplement... Well, confusion is starting to reign.

    Anyway, I am sure they can tell you at any WholeFoods what this stuff is (do find the "vitamin" guy!).

  6. #6
    tlp1967 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by surfdog View Post
    Tip,, some on here has used benedryl for sleep but being pregnant need to check with your doc. I would be reluctnat to suggest anything other than hot baths now. There are others on here that have more experience with this situation than I they will be along so hang tight until they get here. You are doing a good thing here. I would suggest meetings and getting a sponsor God Bless Surfdog
    Oh congratulations on your son !~
    Oh heavens no lol. No pregnancy here.
    MP5 likes this.

  7. #7
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Sooo Sorry my bad lol Surfdog

  8. #8
    MP5
    MP5 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by tlp1967 View Post
    Oh heavens no lol. No pregnancy here.
    Ha, that is the same response my fiance has when that subject comes up.

  9. #9
    Anonymous Guest

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    Tip....
    I will be honest and say nothing helped me sleep until it just came back naturally.
    i've read of some trying one thing or another but nothing worked for me.
    one of the things if you read around is sleep comes last.......
    i would just stay as busy as possible if i were you, cleaning, reading, watching movies......
    if you find a magic bullet for sleep you will be the first!!!
    Hang in there!
    Marian
    surfdog likes this.

  10. #10
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Marian, I always try to do what I used to do with my work : leave at some point that I was anxious to continue. Something easy and fun. When I wake up at 2:30AM, it really helps to have something to start with instantly...

    ...and believe me, I have been using that a lot lately...

  11. #11
    MP5
    MP5 is offline Member
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    Hi tlp, Welcome to the forum. Congrats on 7 days! A good sleep schedule normally takes a bit to come back, but it will eventually. Keep up tha good work!Mike

  12. #12
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Tip(who is not pregnant) See I remembered, doesn't happen often, me remembering, that is. lol When I was first getting clean/sober the doc telling me it's miserable but no one ever died from lack of sleep. Of course he accused me of drug seeking, which at that time I probably was. The sleep came i just had to wait for it . And congratulations you are doing well God Bless Surfdog

  13. #13
    tlp1967 is offline Junior Member
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    Lol its ok surfdog. I think someone else recently posted they were so you just got us mixed up. but thanks to all of you for your input on the sleep thing. I have a few things I can try. I did have a good day today and will post about it tonight. I had an amazing revelation. I hope everyone else was able to find a little comfort in their day today. My heart goes out to everyone still fighting their way through the physical withdrawals.
    surfdog likes this.

  14. #14
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    thank you for your post tina. you really helped me today.
    i've been a little down the past couple days..so i had advice given to me today to go through affirmations.
    self-pity came into play..and then i read your thread.
    "my heart goes out to those ..." And it hit me..
    a week ago, my biggest concern was physical withdrawals and how they would negatively affect me getting my life together.
    i was lucky enough to not rly be affected like i thought i would..and i'm too busy feeling sorry for myself and my life..rather than be grateful for that enormous blessing.
    thank-you for my sobriety. thank you for today. and thank you tina for posting.
    surfdog, Sundwn and Sunny mom like this.

  15. #15
    Halloweenhead is offline Member
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    I've been using a product called Natural Calm, which is a Magnesium supplement. It has helped me sleep. Many Magnesium supplements are poorly absorbed but this one is in Magnesium Citrate form and is absorbed quickly and efficiently. It helps with anxiety and stress, and after using it for a few days (morning and night), it chills me out some during the day; and at night, it acts like a sleeping pill. Check it out at amazon.com and read some reviews. I don't make these types of claims lightly. Tina - after a few days, you seem better. I hope that you are encouraged by your progress.
    Sundwn likes this.

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