Help need just a little longer

[1darkstar]

Ive been on oxycodone 15 mg 4 times a day sometimes five times a day for almost 5 months for back pain relief.
Its not really working and i actually make things worse overdoing it while on the meds , so two days ago i only took two 15 mg pills then yesterday i took only one split into two doses and now im about 16 hours from my last half a pill.
That was a 7 mg dose.
I havent slept very much.
I know you guys think im weak because i hear im really not on that much meds , but its killing me.
I feel like ******************** warmed up then cooled down .
I want to squeeze everything and rip a wall apart,or scream .
Anything,I so so want to take a half a pill right now , should i just so i can sleep or will it prolong it longer.
I never knew taking some pain pills would lead to this.
I would keep taking them but like i said its not working.
I want to come clean now but OMG i was nearly shaking all night till at 3:30 am i took half a pill and a xanax and i slept.
All day im nervous as heck and feel icky.
What should i do?
Im deffinatly stopping but i can barely stand this feeling>
Im obviously addicted .

[ymccormack]

You are not weak, but you are definitely addicted. You need to quit. Search this site for the Thomas Recipe. It has some good tips on how to take care of yourself while you kick the habit.

It's rough...no doubt about it.

Good Luck and Keep Posting

YM

[1darkstar]

The thomas recipi ill search.
I caved i took a half pill about one hour ago 7.5 mg
Then i took .5 mg xanax .
Now ive got a splitting headache but not freaking as badly.
Ill try to go 24 hours and i found a NA meeting to go to.
Thanx

[1darkstar]

well is this ok ? im going strong i guess only 15 mg in the last 24 hours and 15 mg the 24 hours befor that.
So im two days having only a total of two 15 mg pills each split in half spaced out 12 hours and trying to stop all together.
Feeling like ******************** and ********************ping like a baby.
Is it ok to taper like this or only causing me to have a longer withdrawel.
Arms and skin are about ready to jump off my body as i wait till tonight for a half a pill or wait and just not take one ever again.
NA meeting coming up soon.

[1darkstar]

How long does the diarrea last???OHHHH

[ymccormack]

Hang in there!!!

Take HUGE amounts of Immodium AD while you have the diarhea...it actually will help with other symptoms too.

Tapering is a good idea....but make sure you are actually tapering and not slipping. Tapering is hard....I would always end up convincing myself I was dragging out the wd's...and then gobble up all my pills.

I can't tell you how long the diarhea will last because I'm not sure how long your wd's will last when you keep taking 1/2 a pill.

My suggestion is to take a half a pill for 2-3 more days...then move on to a 1/4 of a pill for another 2-3 days. Then nothing. You are dragging this out a little, so you need to stick to this. Your other option is to just quit cold turkey - it will be over faster but hurt a little more.

Also...take xanax to relieve the creepy crawlies...and HOT baths. Once the bad symptoms are over and you just feel sluggish...make yourself take a long walk. The endorphins make you feel better.

YO

[1darkstar]

Thanx im starting to shake and i got my pill bottle rt. here .
Went out on buisness calls and if i werent shaking and all id not take anything.
Maybe i am slipping lets see its been since 2:30 am last nt since i had a half a pill so its 12 hours.
Just had a glass of red wine feeling a tiny bit better and can perhaps hold out.
MY god ,why did the doctor not tell me this would be this way?
Maybe i should flush umm .
I was smelling the bottle and yesterday i swear the boogers in my nose smelled exactly like this chit.
Today ,though ,they dont.
I get 32 pills a week on tuesday anytime from 9am on. Today is friday and i have 29.5.pills left.
I guess that not bad but its about to be 29 and then later tonight 28.5
I hate this ******************** .Ok im not taking anything now .
Ill wait longer and longer and longer and longer till they dont have anything on me.
If i could go to bed i would but my wife would freak.
I would so love to eat some and then go outside and work till dark.
Im so close to flushing or eating a half.
What a b@#$%

[paranon]

Hang in there. We have all been there and we all felt like noone could possibly know what were going through. But we do and it sucks. Stopping will probably be the hardest thing you ever do, but also the most rewarding because it will make you a better person for those that you love. For about 4 days I thought I was gonna die but then each day I felt better. And it's so nice knowing that it doesnt have that "hold" on you. You don't have to spend all day wondering how you will get more pills. You can start worrying about living. You can do it!!!

[Robert_325]

Thanx im starting to shake and i got my pill bottle rt. here .
Went out on buisness calls and if i werent shaking and all id not take anything.
Maybe i am slipping lets see its been since 2:30 am last nt since i had a half a pill so its 12 hours.
Just had a glass of red wine feeling a tiny bit better and can perhaps hold out.
MY god ,why did the doctor not tell me this would be this way?
Maybe i should flush umm .
I was smelling the bottle and yesterday i swear the boogers in my nose smelled exactly like this chit.
Today ,though ,they dont.
I get 32 pills a week on tuesday anytime from 9am on. Today is friday and i have 29.5.pills left.
I guess that not bad but its about to be 29 and then later tonight 28.5
I hate this ******************** .Ok im not taking anything now .
Ill wait longer and longer and longer and longer till they dont have anything on me.
If i could go to bed i would but my wife would freak.
I would so love to eat some and then go outside and work till dark.
Im so close to flushing or eating a half.
What a b@#$%

Hey Dude. LOL You're driving yourself nuts! This is exactly what always happened to me trying to taper. Like YM said, finally I would just eat all the pills I could get my hands on. Felt like I deserved it after suffering so much. It's so much easier to say SCREW IT and just toss them. Counting the hours and minutes until we can take a goofy half pill???? That doesn't even help us. You would be better off dealing with a detox over the weekend and seeing how you feel come Monday. You will get lots of support on this forum. Just do it. You can handle it. It's like paranon just said. In a few days it's over and you will be so much happier with yourself and be starting to feel better too. Hang in there. Good luck.

[1darkstar]

Well i messed it up i took two halves.
But no more not tonight atleast.
I feel great after walking for the last hour but i did take it so...
Im AN ADDICT.
TO EVERYTHING

[Robert_325]

Well i messed it up i took two halves.
But no more not tonight atleast.
I feel great after walking for the last hour but i did take it so...
Im AN ADDICT.
TO EVERYTHING

The walking is great for you. It helps the body produce natural endorphines which will help your overall well-being. Don't worry about taking the halves. Forget it ... it's the past. You are still working on this. That's the important thing. Just start over and try to stick it out. The weekend is a good time to get a couple days. Once you have the weekend behind you and you have some momentum going the rest will be easier. Try to tough it out the next couple of days. Just make your mind up to do it these two days and then go from there. You can do it if you decide that is what you are going to do no matter what. Hang in there and post if you start getting too antsy. Someone is here most all the time. Good luck!

[1darkstar]

Hey guys well ive used 5 pills in five days had 32 on tuesday and have 27 today on sunday. I think today will be my first day with nothing.
The creepies are all but gone except late in the night.My wife prayed for me and i slept first time ever in about 15 years with nothing from 11:30 pm to 4:30 am at which point i was wide awake till 5:30 very tired so i took a xanax and slept till 11 am pure heaven.
So today i think ill make it with nothing and maybe not even a xanax late tonight that would be great.
Wish me luck please and say a prayer .
I prayed all evening friday and had a complete breakdown and cried hard really hard for hours.
I told my wife i was trying to face up to some stuff and thats the truth.
Shes been very supportive, im lucky.
So with Gods will today might be the first day of my life in alot of months without opiates.

[1darkstar]

My head is frying like an oven dang near migrane stage i have no idea why except im stressing about my buisness.
So ive gone and taken half of what i was taking and added in 300 mg of acetomenophen.
Ill try again tomorrow for a complete free day.It was close till this migrane came on .
Overall ,i still feel good about my progress, really good.

[Robert_325]

Darkstar ... keep hanging in there. It's not over until you give up. Some of us have a harder time with this than others. I still think you would be better off chunking everything and just dealing with it but that's me. I think you are dragging out your misery by doing this the way you are doing it. Those small amounts you are taking just keep this going for longer than it has to. You could have possibly been done with this by now. But you are where you are, so just keep plugging. YOU are feeling good about your progress and YOUR feelings are the ones that count the most. Good luck and God bless.

[slicknikkaay]

My head is frying like an oven dang near migrane stage i have no idea why except im stressing about my buisness.
So ive gone and taken half of what i was taking and added in 300 mg of acetomenophen.
Ill try again tomorrow for a complete free day.It was close till this migrane came on .
Overall ,i still feel good about my progress, really good.

Sounds like you're doing better and are on the right track!! Remember, your didn't become addicted to them overnight and weaning off of them won't happen overnight, either. How is your back pain through all of this? And have you spoken to your doctor about it? I don't know if your condition warrants muscle relaxants, and I honestly don't know much about them, but they might help you with the discomfort and shakes while you wean off of the oxys. Also, the Xanax is helpful so long as you don't take it too often and are not exceeding doses of one or one and a half mgs everyday; it will get you through the misery and will help you fall asleep, but as someone who quit taking xanax and all benzos myself, I can promise you that it's an altogether different addiction that is more likely to kill you in withdrawl, and you might find yourself craving them to get you through the discomfort of getting off of the oxys. The next thing you know, you've transferred your addiction to oxys to an equally if not more deadly substance that is as dangerous - or more - to quit (think seizures and death and wicked bad anxiety). It can also make your anxiety about quitting worse, in some cases. How are you doing with it?
Another thing to try for sleep is Ambien - its a controlled substance, but has less addictive qualities and is easy to stop taking (my experience and that of friends). If you ask your doctor to give you some alternatives or to wean you off safely, he or she won't take the oxys away from you, I promise - your doctor is there to promote your good health and they appreciate honesty, believe me. Muscle relaxants and ambien are a good combo for people with many types of chronic pain and for post-surgery/post-narcotics for a period of time. Only your doctor can make that call, and I'm speaking purely from a patient's point of view, but they are there to assist in these decisions and they need to know what's going on in order to help you to do this on your own. If you were to go to rehab, the doctor would do the same thing, so you're saving yourself from going by doing this on your own. I told my doctor that I was struggling with my meds and was abusing them, and she helped me wean off of them safely over a short period of time, and it was MUCH easier than if I had ended up in rehab! Just because you're addicted doesn't mean that you have to be or that you can't live an addiction free life, and your doc shouldn't see it that way, so don't worry about them turning down your requests for alternative drugs or therapies. Also- ask if there are vitamins or supplements available (like melatonin and valerian/valerian root, others I may not know about) that will help your body in compensating for the absence of the oxys. When do you see your doc again and what is the exact nature of your back pain?
As for getting through this, and emotionally speaking, I hope my advice helps as I am someone with a low threshold for pain and discomfort and i've successfully gotten through the withdrawl and quit taking my drug of choice (Xanax) without turning back. These are some tips that got me through, and that I would suggest to anyone going through something similar, and I hope they help. Sometimes you have to approach the process from a different perspective if what you've done hasn't worked, and not every approach works for everyone so you must keep that in mind and not get down on yourself or give up if this is what you really want, and from what I've read, it sounds like it is, which is the key ingredient in successfully eliminating the drug from your life!! So, here are my ideas for you:

*In my experience, and from what I know and have read about addiction and recovery/co-dependency, the first 72 hours are the WORST!! That's the scratching and shaking and craving and restlessness. This is what I did and this is what worked for me when I first decided to change, and it's made all the difference in my recovery, but I don't know how it will work for you. What I did was I promised myself that I wouldn't take anything for three days (so try to go oxy free for 3 days). On the fourth day, see if you aren't feeling any better - I told myself that if I was struggling after 3 days I would reward myself by taking some, but I never did. Instead, I decided to tough it out for the rest of the week and would reassess the way I felt after the week was up. On the fourth day, I started feeling more like myself and decided to keep at it because I was proud of myself and rewarded myself with some shopping instead, and after one week there was no going back. There will be cravings, but you need to be as productive throughout this time as possible in order to take your mind off of wanting to use. I began working out the day that I quit (and I was fearful of weight gain) and that made things so much better, and I didn't gain weight and actually felt much better about myself and my decision to taper. I kept extending the time, even after three months, and that was in December 2004 - I never turned back. Keep encouraging yourself and take baby steps. Reward yourself with a vacation you've always wanted to take or a nice present, good food, shopping, or something else that you love but has no potential for self-harm. You'll feel yourself getting better and feeling like a more accomplished person when you get through this experience, and it really will make you a stronger individual for doing so. It's OK to struggle, too! Initially, I said to myself, "I don't feel good when I take this drug, so if I don't feel better after three days (then one week, then one month, then three, then a year, keep adding!) it isn't the drug, it's me". You will see, it's ALWAYS the drug and you...are...better!!

Another thing I recommend for these tough times is asking or reaching out for as much support as you need. Anyone who genuinely cares about you will understand what you're going through, and it sounds like your wife is being as supportive as possible. Allow yourself to open up and explore your emotions when you're uncomfortable because they will soon go away and won't reappear after three days of detox. I am somewhat of an artist so I tried a book called "The Artist's Way" during my recovery and it helped me not only to get through the physical and emotional discomfort but also to realize greater goals that I had for myself that I hadn't even been aware of, and my recovery was more successful because I had more definitive and long-term goals for myself, and that gave me something to stay sober for. Make goals for yourself everyday!

Try to surround yourself with people and be as social as you can. It will keep you pre-occupied to spend time with others, and often when people are struggling with drugs, they isolate themselves from their friends and families. Whether that is the case for you or not, it's good to reintroduce yourself to the world while you're clean (even if it's hard at first, keep at it). Go to a mall when you're bored and walk around, go to the movies, GO TO THE GYM (my favorite activity for getting through this), just stay out of the house and challenge yourself. You can do it!


Keep an open mind about all of this, and allow yourself to recover. Be proud of yourself for trying to turn things around, and don't give up until you've figured out what works for you. Let me know if you find any of this helpful and if there is anything else you've tried that has helped you that I haven't mentioned. I will check back!!